THIS is how you COPE with emotions following a narcissistic breakup 

Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. Blessings and peace to everyone 🙏

Yes, and also, *find people who reciprocate your values to share all that goodness with, and STAY AWAY FROM THOSE WHO REPEATEDLY USE OR HURT YOU!!* Many of us in this community are *already* good at giving others understanding, acceptance, and compassion. Holding strong boundaries is a way to also give that kindness to ourselves.

​@@bellaluce7088Exactly ❤

YES! This right here 💯

Admittedly, isn’t that how most of us end up in the narcissistic relationships in the first place?

I’m proud of you for using the past tense.

So do I! I wasted six years of my life trying to force this toxic relationship to work, but I'm done with it now. Time for that divorce! To freedom from both pain and emotional abuse.

We all regret but then realize we were never the problem. Expecting any goodness from a narc husband was my biggest foolishness. I thought he be a good father. But he said he does not have money to take responsibility then suddenly he bought a car to roam with his friend when I asked how can have money to buy car but no money for own child. he replied he is 33 years old it's time to get a car! That was the limit. The most disgusting experience. Giving him more of my time or my energy NO no more I took my child and left. Never look back. But then authorities forced me to get his signature for my child passport he made my life hell again I had to go through legal to get my child passport. Believe me my experience with a narc made me stronger and a mother is always stronger. We learn from experience to protect ourself more to selfcare more to heal more.

​@@withloveandrespectalwayswell done you ! Not waiting for Years like many of us, but you're right, were Strong , we will be even Stronger after! We just have to Start believing ourselves.. İt's nice to hear positiv Stories to give us hope:) Xx

Yes she is, she has saved my life

I second that ... ❤amazing advice

A warrior. A hero. A lifeline. A light in the dark. ❤

As I was listening to this I was thinking to myself... "This woman is an absolute godsend." Looks like I'm not alone in that thought

Yes!

Time heals all wounds ❤ We are healing.. 🙏🏻 This too shall pass. Make NO contact with a narc.. we deserve peace of mind.

I'm in exactly the same situation.

Same I'm one day finally out and trying to stay no contact, I still can't believe this is real, that there are even people like this

I can relate. I'm in same boat.

It is like wizardry and that manipulation has had us spellbound and only we can break that spell. Evil spell not a good one. It is like an addiction but not a good one. We think we can't survive without the tension, uncomfortable emotions and feelings - why? It does not make sense does it? Like a plant that wants to climb but can't find a place to go. They disable us and we need to find our own path and not let them hold us back anymore. I am struggling too after decreasing time with my long term partner and he has just realised what I am doing and i got the anger and the rage and I was trying to back off without it. It is not easy but I have to do it or face each weekend with dread.

Ok.

Thats where I wanna be man

🙏🏽🫶🏽

This is so true! They will dig and tear away at our inner self to the point of reactive abuse. Leaving them allows the woulda to scan over and heal up for your skin /self to breathe anew. You are a strength!!

That's how I feel right,I am grieving,but don't want to be with him any more. Am 72 am exhausted. Even tho I am having emotional days,I love the freedom of this mental abused abused

@@raymondehill9509 You’ve got this! I’m 4 months no contact and my confidence and mental freedom is growing each day. Hugs 🤗

I feel the same way sadness , regret, angry and Happy that I got OUT all at the same time whew way too many emotions at the same time

I feel that with my ex-wife. I started breaking up with her in the first couple months we were together. And she got her dream wedding in thailand (not legally binding) 6 years later. Left her after 7 months.

Happy birthday 🎉

Happy birthday 🎊. Please do something really nice for yourself. God bless ❤

@@yvettievs4063 Thank you.😇

Happy Birthday and many happy returns to you🎂 🎉

Happy birthday, and many more!

Me too…

I have experienced severe narcissistic abuse for two decades, and I'm still not okay. 😢

I'm in the same situation, I feel the same way. Hold on! ❤

Thank you

@@melisentiapheiffer3034 ME NIETHER, I am two years post narc it SUCKS! I pray over you to heal as I am trying to as well. We can talk, and grief the lies together..

Thanks

I feel this on a deep level. I also like to look back and not focus on the shame but instead focus on everytime I suspected something that turned out true, just goes to show my acceptional insight. Also can be very helpful to remember all these moments along wth the moments we all knew these relationships wouldn't work but stayed anyways. So maybe next time if wee find ourselves in a similar situation we will have the wisdom and courage to get away before wasting years

I had this realization recently. I abused me. Not him. Because I stayed and I forgave and I hoped and loved unconditionally.

@@hannahwynne1922 yeah. That is def a hard pill to swallow… speaking from my own experience-ignoring all the red flags which ultimately led my to decisions where I put myself in situations to be abused.

Good point. The meaning of ‘I allowed this’ changes after a toxic relationship ends. The way I see it now is that the toxic relationship I had violently triggered certain wounds that otherwise might have stayed there forever, never to be fully healed. Painful as it is right now, I try to see this as an opportunity to grow stronger in a shorter amount of time. Still, it’s easier said than done.. 😅

I really had to digest your comment. I understand the need to take your power back and have accountability for your choices but it feels like shame. From my perspective, my spirit was so broken, I didn’t even realize I was in a narcissistic relationship until after I left and the reality started to come in waves then rushed in like a tsunami. I take no responsibility for their behavior, therefore no shame. Though I realized the relationship wasn’t healthy, I was not aware of what was happening to me. I think when you have children together it changes the dynamic as well. I think it’s important to allow yourself some grace because even though you may not identify as a victim, this happened to you and chances are, you weren’t even aware of it. It’s not your fault.

Profound af

Indeed. 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman If The Budda Dated by Charlotte Kasi Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix Safe People by Henry Cloud

I love your comments. So true.

I had all regrets Dr Ramani said. It's very hard to understand that I was working so hard on myself, when he was the problem and nothing ( 2 kids) change that. Also the abuse after brak up was so much worse than before. I left as the abuse was unbearable, but left with avalanche of problems. I did everything I could to safe this reletionship and now I am much better. Please do not tivialise and say how easy life is now as takes a time for somone like me to recover

Yes, stronger and clearer

Dr Ramani is incredible!

Yes I understand! Read what I wrote. Be ok alone! Not all of else are cut out for relationships. But if you really want it at least you left that craziness! Lying is the worst. Hey, you are great! I don't know you but you are and hang in there! Your friend Tamera

Well said, it is also your mind replaying the old videos,over and over, to remind you that in order for you to survive and thrive in the future, you must avoid this type of situation ever again. When you are ruminating just tell your mind, hey thanks mind for reminding me of what to avoid, now let’s focus on something positive to do together. ….

I agree but also and respectfully disagree to a point. I think that it depends on the person. Ruminating IS a trauma response though. I have to agree there but it can often lead to revenge. It's dwelling in the hate, etc. that created certain situations and due to that hate some people turn to revenge. Personally, I don't go there because I hate what happened to me and I know that hate is NOT a good or a healthy thing. To remind myself not to go there, etc. I try my best to pass on peace and be a kind, understanding person. Everyone is not like me though and some will turn to revenge. It's simply that it won't FEEL like revenge because to some it's simply justice or what is right. I understand feeling like that's right when you've been abused but revenge is never right. Letting go and living is what is best. Trauma or no trauma, etc. an adult is an adult and an adult can usually choose. Choose compassion, understanding and kindness. Don't let your abusers win and steal that from you. Ruminating can be the road to revenge but it can also be the road to understanding, etc.

I am a self development coach and help people to change their programming and rewire the brain. Feel free to reach out if you wish 🙏🏽

Thank you 🙏 @@user-eo3re4io2r

Same here my mother get silent and disapproving if I actually say well, I worked a lot yesterday I’m gonna take a break and rest today do something I like that you’re not allowed I was never allowed to not be doing something for somebody not working every single minute of my life

I got the same training. I was trained to accept abuse and call it love.

Me too. A pack of lies to unlearn.

Yup, exactly. My mother being a covert narc needed me to marry the narc b/c they teamed up against me. Didn’t realize she was a narc till 2019. If I tried talking about him to her and what he did to me, her response was to blame me, wanted to know why I was always causing a problem and mean to him and I should be grateful he WANTED to marry me. Never in my life has she ever stood up for me, sold me down the river every chance she got.

Yes,my family of origin taught me to accept certain treatment as " Normal," particularly my physically & verbally abusive father. " He" is my father, the behaviors, and the invalidating and devaluing...also the physical abuse. Trauma therapy for two years has helped immensely. Disconnected from my family and only deal with him on the most minimal level now -- we're Not together, but sometimes he gets a new text# and I'll say a couple words to him: typically " Go away, leave me alone OR I will contact our local police department, again! " Dr. Ramani's videos have been invaluable in my healing. Starting to THRIVE now!!!!!

What they never possessed, yes you're so right. I've been wondering how on earth you can go through life and seemingly enjoy hurting someone who loves you, but you just hit the nail on the head for me. I'm only one day free and trying to figure out what just happened still.

@flyinggranny1184 I wish you a complete recovery. My journey began more than a decade ago. I am happier and healthier, if sometimes a tad lonely on big holidays. I do not miss the abuse or the drama. Going no contact was not easy, but in my circumstances, the only viable choice. Do you have a good therapist? They are excellent companions for the journey. Please be kind to yourself and treat yourself with love and respect. ♡

I have decided that honesty is most important. If the person is any good at all, they will just approach and ask you directly no drama, no coward, no hiding all of these mean you are dealing with narcissists

The same😢

I can relate to this 100% The promises kept me in the relationship but then when they weren't met somehow I got blamed for it!!! Crazy

I could've written this myself. Same exact thing but he left me for someone he made me aware of....

BohoWarriorYoga444 When I first saw this monster, something inside me broke. I recall the broken thing to keep me away from getting close to him again.

True Run Save yourself Save your precious life time from going wasted

@@withloveandrespectalways it’s been a year and a half and I’m still shaken and confused. Don’t think I’ll ever trust another man again after this. Feels like a betrayal.

I’m sick of the victim shaming and the rush to move on. I’m combating it by reminding myself that they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. They weren’t there, they aren’t me, and I can’t pay an ounce of attention to what they’re saying. ❤

P

This quote helped a lot👇 🌴 "My Therapist"🌳 asked me to write letters 📝 to my haters and then🔥 burn🔥 them Did that 💪👍🌟🕶️ But now I don't know what to do with the letters 😂 Narcfree....🚜

Burn the letters. It's a way to fully let it all go.

I've just done this. My first notes were 4th August, things got worse and it's now mid October that I've updated the notes. 10 months of chaos and grief. I'm processing the abuse and aggression, it was all him. I'm having a peaceful life now but missing the narcissist, it's mashed up.

I am glad you decided to allow yourself to PURGE in every way. It was something that needed to be done to clear out your spiritual energies and spaces. There is great POWER in allowing yourself to experience a Great Purge. Allow yourself to have it (privately as you did) as often as needed to purify your inner space. You WILL heal if you tend to your own deepest needs. Many wishes for healing and an abundance of (self) love.

imagine she comes to your door a week later. this is what happened to me when i finally feel i can detach or begin to heal. sooner or later he comes back

@@hashh2019 Well, she actually came two weeks later, on a key date, which would have been our 5th anniversary. She didn't come to my door, but sent a text message telling me how much she missed me, how she couldn't stop thinking about me, how much she cried for not being together anymore and how much she loved me. It was a hard situation, but I could resist any impulsive reaction and acted as cold as possible, knowing that it was the time to focus on myself and not on her. Coming back was not negotiable and I remained still, no matter how hard it could be.

😮 hat's off thx for sharing your message gives me strength!

@@Hammondchris I send you a big hug and lots of strength to get over it 💪

Me too! It’s perfect timing!

Me too!!

So true!

Demons

It's not your fault hun. This is what narcissists do to their families. They use their children against the other parent.

❤blessings ❤

Sadly, my ex w/the help of his family, along w/my own mother and brother did a great number in using my children w/parental alienation towards me. I can only hope and pray they will discover the truth sooner than later. At this point, it is what it is.

Same here. My father triangulated my mom and I all of my life. Taught N sister to do the same. We had healed our relationship after being estranged for several years. Then she died in her sleep last winter. It's heartbreaking, yet I am grateful for the peace we enjoyed for that short time. ❤ I'm happy to read you and your mom are at peace with each other. ❤

Someday, I wish that my two grown up kids understand how much I love them. They are still under control of narcissists’s girl friend and boy friend. They believe their father who cheated and left when they were 6 and 9 years old.

I totally get this. Took me a while, but I finally realised, that no matter how at fault the other person was for all they did, ultimately I was at fault for not seeing who they were at the start and walking away.

Facts!

Me too!

Oh my God that's what just happened to me. I just got dumped by my angry violent ex. I didn't recognize the signs until the breakup text. He kept me so busy I was exhausted. He demanded I be on the phone with him at least 3-4 hours a day when I wasn't living with him and when I was living with him he would get upset with me if I left the room he was sitting in. I excused everything as he has autism, thyroid problems, and an ugly dating history that supposedly left him traumatized by as many as 11 women (I guess as of four days ago I'm number 12). I began pushing back and asking to break up recently but he convinced me to try therapy first and then promptly dumped me when he couldn't make the couples therapist agree with his behavior . I just got a rude and condescending breakup text four days ago where he reminded me that I'm behind him in life as he has all the material goods and that he's ready to go out and get married to the next girl he meets so he can lie down on a beach and relax (I refused to marry him within 6 months of knowing him as I didn't like how he constantly pouts and throws temper tantrums). He kept blaming my refusal to get married on my childhood traumas even though witnesses who saw him blow up at me all said he was being selfish and abusive and that my reactions were far too tolerant. I'm really messed up right now and having a hard time facing the fact that he is a narcissist despite the fact that recently the relationship took a turn for the worse and he got physically violent with me once. I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Right now I'm very scared, lonely and confused.

Wow this is exactly my story. I just got dumped 4 days ago. I'm having a hard time processing that he's a narcissist despite him getting physically violent with me recently. He hit me hard with his shoe which is a huge size and has heavy orthodic casts inside of it. My "evil crime" worthy of physical punishment was simply that I was laughing too hard about a funny joke I read online and that upset him. The relationship lasted 2 and a half years and he was already pressuring me to marry him within 6 months of having met him. I'm glad I stood my ground and refused to get married. I don't want to be single for life but I couldn't have survived married to him. Now after the breakup I don't know what to do with my time as most of my time revolved around him over the last 2 years. When I went home to visit my mom he kept me on the phone with him for about 4 hours per day and when I was living with him he would get angry if I left the room he was in. If I went to another part of the house I was promptly accused of neglecting him and the relationship. Right now the breakup is fresh and I'm lonely, messed up and confused.

Me too and one of them had the nerve to say I was a narcissist when she was 8 of 10 traits of a narcissist. Stay strong.

This is my same story- I wish you healing.

Good for you for not hiding from your emotions. I really think our physical health depends on this. Keep your eyes on where you want to be.🙏

I still can't get over the abuse. I can't believe it's taking so long for me to heal.

Dear Lin, I am with you and I understand your feelings. I was there too, for a long time. I thought I was going crazy, that I wouldn't survive the pain. But the situation is gradually shifting. I gave way to great anger when it did not appear until many months later. I couldn't believe how much anger I had inside me... but experts say it's healthy to not hold on to anger and not feel guilty about it at the same time. Ruminating is very difficult for someone to manage and get rid of. I would say that each of the stages of my recovery from a narcissistic relationship (I lived in it for 25 years) ended in exhaustion. I just didn't have the strength anymore... the strength to cry, the strength to get angry, the strength to blame myself... It's been almost 2 years now since the discard happened. My mental and physical condition is slowly improving. Just the fact that I am able to accept the fact that everything in life does not turn out as we would imagine is a liberating moment. Many thanks to Dr. Ramani, who can name our pains so well and aptly. It was also very difficult for me to be basically completely alone with my son, all our "friends" were friends of my ex-husband.

@@kayumari486 Thank you for sharing your story, Kayumari. I am glad you safety escaped your damaging ex and is on a journey of growth and joy. He doesn't deserve good hearted partner like you. Also, I recognized how much violence I had inside when pushed too far. We are all working on self respect, love and forgiveness. This world is just an illusion was my realization. Sooner or later, everyone must say goodbye to each other. We'll try to live each day meaningfully. lots of love and best wishes to you.

@flightdancer I cried for a good two to three years as I learned the things he was doing behind my back. The next two years were just utter pain and I was slowly giving up the will to live. I developed a serious life altering health condition which didn’t help my frame of mind. Now, 7 years later I have turned a corner and am coming out of the darkness. Hang tough, feel your feelings, you will survive but it will take time. Be gentle on yourself{{{hugs}}}

Absolutely !!! Same here

Same here.

Same. It’s so sad to realize this. Sort of steals your innocence :(. Now we walk around life less trusting, less free, less accepting. since we are vulnerable by nature, we always need to have our guard up.

Same!!! You are not alone ! You said it perfectly!! It’s sad that we can’t trust people/strangers!!! It’s even sadder when we can’t trust family!! Have a happy life!!

THIS. Exactly what I'm learning right now. I thought everyone just wanted love like me. It's been a wake up call for sure.

So Awesome!! Proud of You!!👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

Thank you but I am really struggling from the trauma. I dont understand how I am feeling. Im not bitter; profoundly sad, @@JDDemont-dw2zj

I have been single 9 years after narcissistic abuse. I also am afraid of being destroyed again

@@jennaletizia5430 I feel the same. Alone forever at 65? I'm just too untrusting of men w/good reason...& afraid I'll make the mistake of being love bombed again, then discarded.

I hope that you will date again. And that it will work out well, because of everything you learned about yourself and your high worth.

I am sad to hear how your ex emotionally manipulated you. Congratulations for acknowledging your situation and transcending your pain.

The horrors.

My situation was not as dramatic as yours, but I was also with a partner who seemed always to need to be taken care of emotionally and that’s a big part of it. Made it hard for me to leave. That’s what made me stay as long as I did.

God, the narcissist will never take responsibility for anything. It is always anyone, but themselves, and the vast majority of the time, it is you. I still blame myself for everything, but somewhere is inside I know it's not me. It was NOT YOU!!!! It was NEVER you!!!!! I know you "know" that, but for the times when you don't, it was NEVER you!!!!!💖

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that! How awful for you. And I understand. Mine swallowed a bunch of pills on mother's day, while we were separated and he was living with another woman. He called me to "get help", but I didn't answer. After he told me a few days later, in tears that I wasn't there for him, I felt as responsible for him as for our two children...and went back for 14 more years. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Well said. God bless you on your healing journey 🙏🏼❤️

❤❤❤

I forced myself to go back through years of my journals, and this forced me to see the abuse cycles repeating and repeating. It forced me to finally leave him. It was so hard, but I'm so glad I had those journals.

For me: 20 years together, 16 years married. I hear you!

I ended a 24 yr marriage to a narc/addict. His social media accounts told me everything. Over the yrs of relapse/recovery and actually all my life I have journaled also. I opened the trunk of life ( my journals) and decided to use them to heal. Giving myself time,no contact,divorce papers signed. Found a great quote,” what inhabits your life, inhibits your dreams.” Wrote that in 2011, forgive myself for not believing what I knew yrs ago. Grateful for my health,this community & the knowledge I have now.

Amen

I agree, like I woke up and wondered what was wrong with me. Angry at self as waited too late..

How are you rebuilding your destroyed life?

Yes. Once you realize that, then the healing can begin. God bless you. 😊

Okay if everyone around you is a "narcissist" do you think you might be overdiagnosing a bit?

💕🦋🌺

Thank you, I'm printing this and saving in my pocket 💞 🙏🫂

It's very hard getting through this kind of abuse. 😢

It's the same for siblings. You're told it's "sibling rivalry", when actual abuse is taking place. I think on the whole, people don't want to believe what's really going on.

@@Clair_FireBird I actually never thought of it that way.

Yes, especially in the south where men use the bible to justify their misogynistic way of life. As an intuitive empath I was demonized, (some psychic dreams and etc.) I didn't go to church for a long time. My daughter wanted me to go with her; I did. I hadn't been there but a few minutes, when an elderly man down the pew from me, asked the preacher, "Aren't men the head of the household?" I didn't say anything, but my out loud chuckle may have given him some insight.

Yep I would be rich for every time my narc said “when a MAN …” like he had some vision of what being a man was that justified all his narcissism… 🤦‍♀️

@DailamiPuang well not the orthodox way but i was referred by a friend to a spiritual adviser and healer

@DailamiPuang her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE,and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as caster

you can look her name up online and you will find all you need.

Such an excellent comment should be at the top

Yes!🙏🏾💯

maybe you the problem and blaming them.

Wow, what a hurtful thing to say to you. It will be ok, stay focused on self love and healing. Wishing you the best!

❤️

Yes, you will be alright. Get into therapy and allow the healing to happen. You will have a different view of her in the end, and you will be thankful she left. 💯🙏🏽🙏🏽

@@berlizgonzalez6736 thanks so much for your words I really needed it

@@tbrown0420 I hope and pray so. It hasn’t been easy.

It’s so painful to realize they really don’t care. Virtual hug🙏🏻

I can totally relate and understand your pain. Sending hugs and prayers to heal

I just discovered in 2019 that my mother was one. It’s now grey rock all the way. I have the absolute right to be furious w/her considering she has destroyed any relationship w/my siblings and extended family. After her death there will not be any connections left. Amazingly, I’m not furious, I am indifferent w/her. She is a nasty *itchy old lady, always trying to manipulate others to do her bidding. Now, I just chuckle to myself and say let me know how it goes😂😂😂

It's hard to believe that parents can have no love for their children. I right there with you. Hugs!❤

Many of us lived similarly, and feel your pain through our own hearts. As a wise therapist reminded me, if I didn't learn to love myself as much as I loved my family, I was going to be stuck on a one-way train to a dark place. Thank you for sending love and light!

I so feel and relate with you so! My daughter was lost to me by further n abuse to her. Since I'm much closer to 70 than 60/50/40...... I can hope and pray my 4 grandchildren make it without too many wounds and talk/care about me plus I know my blessings will be great in heaven (gruesome purgatory here already).

One of my biggest regrets, is leaving my 9 month old baby with my mother dearest while I attended college. I’d leave him with her all week. I’d cry about it and hated it but I had to do it, I was single and school was hard, and studying and commuting. Anyway, it hurts that I left him there, I knew 46:49 she beat me, but I didn’t realize the extent of all of her abuses. My son abused my daughter, all of her life.

I was with my narc wife for 35years and probably would still have been if I had not been discarded. I also worry about my adult children but I have come to realise that had I left the relationship with her then the children would have taken the brunt of her cruelty. Better me than them

@@davidmckay4423 thank-you for your comment. It helped me see things (in regards to my adult kids) in a different light. Thank-you.

@@davidmckay4423 I’ve come to believe that’s what my dad did as well. Well that and the fact that he was afraid about the money being split. But he moved south with in retirement and lived in his bedroom. She’d humiliate him on every level. But he was the “mostly” kind and sweet one, and grounded, and calm, and organized, and peace providing. It’s just so sad, as I learn with age and internet, all that he and we endured and just thought we were bad people.

My son is using my grandsons to punish me for not moving to live near him, not because he cares about me, but because I can’t offer him the babysitting duties he sees as due. I haven’t been allowed any contact with my grandsons for over six months now, it’s heartbreaking. The gaslighting, mocking and unkindness has been particularly hard to accept. For sure his behaviour is mirroring his grandiose narcissistic father who treats him like this and obviously me for decades. Such learnt behaviour is devastating to observe. This video Dr R and others are helping me to be more self-caring and to let go of such a painful situation that I have no control over. Time heals and offers the truth, eventually.

@@tessamary1017 Pure heartache...I understand this well. It just cuts deeper with children because we can see what happens to their innocence. They have no idea what is happening. Don't stop reaching out at them at the right times. Be kind to yourself. I hear wisdom and understanding in your tone. Be the example. This is my only refuge. Take good care.

@@tessamary1017❤

I am disgusted to hear that parent alienation is happening to you. I can not begin to fathom your despair and pain. I hope you have people who support you during this very difficult time and take good care of your peace by drawing strength from them.

35:34 okay, I commented earlier when I was halfway through but held back saying it felt like you were speaking directly to me! Then 10 minutes later your said “I don’t care if you’re 70 years old” which I am! Wow! Just wow! 🥰🤗🥰🤗🥰🤗

Yes, it is better than the daily drama and chaos created by narcs. But the narcissist hijacked my mind and I don't experience joy anymore.

Please get away reduce the time spent with him and you will look and feel better. I have noticed my anxiety increases when I even hear his voice on the phone. Find yourself and get a routine that does not involve him. You owe it to yourself not him. @@melisentiapheiffer3034

Hmmm...this is interesting - my narc ex wife and her mother blew up at me in a really outrageous and unnecessary fashion TWO DAYS before our wedding! They even talked among themselves about canceling it. Maybe I should have let them go ahead and do it instead of enduring extensive emotional and psychological abuse for the next 14 years of my life.

They are the biggest losers ever.

It’s like they’re allergic to others’ being fulfilled.

Ruminating is not wallowing. It’s a process which frees us, if we do it right

Almost same story here. It has its good days and some days are very difficult. We will get through it and thrive!

34 1/2 yrs together and 33 yrs marriage (8/31/90), 3 kids (all adults now). I feel stupid most of the time, the amount of regret is astonishing...trying extremely hard to not fall into the victim hood as well. I don't want my kids to try to make me feel better about their upbringing or anything but just their understanding and forgiveness.

@@shelliemathews1043 I get you. The same with me, having three adult kids and feeling of being robbed the best years of us. I know our kids understand us.

@@annmariejensen7684 I am sorry you gone through the same. We will. I feel I need to focus on that that I am a human being not a human doing and it's okay just to survive. Surviving from a narc. is far more than thriving.

I will be feeling the same

Killed us slowly but surely

I’ve barely eaten in a week because of the anxiety stomach pains following discard. 😢

@@thevaporshoppe ❤

Well said

Agreed - a bottomless pit of evil intention that five months later, I am still struggling to comprehend the pure evil of his behavior.