girl, i totally relate, i worry about the past, present, and future!!! CANT CATCH A BREAK 😭 i really wanna focus on the present cus thats what matters right now. also its totally ok to date if you live with your parents. i feel like soooooo many people in their 20s/30s live with their parents. its so much harder to live independently now. all the luck girl ✨
Don't even trip about the parents thing. I'm 30 and single and I live with my parents. Shit I cant even get a job because my anxiety is so fukn bad! I always end up messing up in interviews because of it. No matter how much I practice and prepare for it. I feel lost and I feel like I am never gonna be shit in life because of this. People just don't understand and laugh it off. You are not alone tho! much love
Don't lose hope! How I've currently been seeing it is that getting rejected from jobs just means there are better opportunities out there for you. I wish all the best for you!
I totally understand your frustrations!! I’m 25 and I refuse to date while living with family as well. I’m very reserved, introverted and don’t like potential mates to question who I live with because it’s personal and none of their business. Once I say I live with a parent they start bringing my mom up or mention how us hanging out can be an issue because I still live with parents. Idk how your family dynamic is like but with mine I’m not close with mine emotionally especially my mom. She’s been a single parent for over 30 years so anytime a “relationship” comes nearby she’ll throw in her negative opinions and judgements which is exhausting. I keep my friends and family separate and not mix the two. I also don’t have privacy nor space to have a man or even friends to just hangout at my house for long periods of time. I need to have a high warning job/career and live alone WITHOUT roommates before I can date comfortably. I also don’t own a car so dating is more difficult since I live in a suburb 25 minutes away from a major city and Ubers are EXPENSIVE getting to and back when going on dates or simply hanging with friends. My mom also doesn’t like her car to be in the inner city either. Even when I just get ready and go out with friends on a weekend my mom would interrupt and call me just to know where/who I’m with EVEN WHEN I DONT USE HER CAR. It’s overbearing and absolutely ridiculous to have my whereabouts constantly questioned when I go out on a weekend. So I know you’re struggle… I’ve had a set back where I got laid off and was jobless for 10 months so my income is very limited as well after being unemployed for that long. I am here for you and don’t helping you on your journey ❤
Completely relatable I always look at my past and with what the future holds! It’s a scary thought! That’s completely okay that you live with your parents if they don’t understand or accept it they ain’t worth the time! I’m sending all my love and best wishes with you❤️❤️
great video - I've felt the same...the domino analogy makes sense too, like how everything might just eventually fall into place and THEN life will be able to happen in the present moment. But for most of us it never comes because time weighs too heavily on us. That's Alan Watts in the video you showed - he died in the 70s but I think he changed my life more than anyone else ever has. I found his talks as a teenager and listened into my 20s nonstop (I still do) and I just love how beautifully and simply he articulates these things. Highly recommend The Wisdom of Insecurity if anyone wants a good read.
Thank you! Very great points. I didn't know about him until tiktok! That is true, I think we can learn a lot of things from him too. Thanks for the recommendation!! I didn't know he had books! I'll definitely look into it!!
Your videos truly do resonate with me! It’s difficult to be vulnerable in front of a camera and I respect your honesty being in this season. I can understand how you feel in regards to still living at home & dating. I always thought that I would be looked down upon by suitors. However, I abruptly had to shift life plans and move back home at 29 😂 I can vouch & share that there will be people in the world who will still pursue you regardless if you still live at home. Some will even be excited to get to know your family & spend quality time. It’s just a matter of finding those types. I hope you continue pursuing what you enjoy & are passionate about! Have you ever thought of starting Twitch to play your favorite games, create a supportive community, and possibly become affiliated to earn some money? I think you’d like it 😁 wishing you all the best as you continue venturing in finding what makes you the happiest ❤️❤️❤️ it’s definitely a journey and I’m still on it as well!
I love hearing from your experience & your perspective! Honestly I never considered that there could be people out there who would be excited to know and to hang out with my family but you're right though because everyone is different! I have thought about doing Twitch as I used to but maybe I'll pick it back up! People have told me to also, so maybe it's a sign haha! I really appreciate how open & caring you are! Thank you so much for sharing and for the lovely comment!!
@@abbeysolute Oh my goodness I think you’d enjoy it girl! 🥰❤️ haha I’d definitely follow and support you there as well! Continue taking things one day at a time, they will slowly fall into place
“The older I get the more I Look to the past, and I miss it!” Oh boy buckle up as that feeling only grows as the years toll by. I am 39 and I feel that often - I cannot imagine being 50 plus and looking around seeing friends and family that are no longer with us. Life is strange and I don’t understand it either . I guess we should take more enjoyment in buying stuff like most others…?
Thanks for your honesty. I honestly feel like living at home is a double standard that doesn’t affect women as much. Isa bit embarrassing maybe at first to admit but once you get over that, most men, especially one who really likes you, won’t care at all if you live at home.
I'm 26 and living on my own with a career I enjoy. I have never had a relationship before. I moved away from my home town when I was like 12 so after time lost contact with all my friends. And I had troubled making new friends ever since. It doesn't help that I am a shy introverted guy. I am trying to get out there meet people but it is hard man. :(
I was just having this conversation last night. It’s been a crazy six years for me in which I’ve been so obsessed with advancing my career that I’ve completely lost touch with the things that make me genuinely happy. I’m trying to work towards correcting this but seriously, get out of my head.
I find it intriguing that we share a similar age, both being 28. My own journey hasn't left me entirely content either, although I've managed to secure a fulfilling job without pursuing a college education. My dissatisfaction primarily stems from the sense of having missed out on crucial developmental milestones during my early twenties. It was only about two years ago that I truly began to find my footing as an individual and recognize my innate capabilities. My life underwent a profound transformation, transitioning from a period of being a NEET for six years to arriving at a relatively stable position, largely thanks to the unwavering support of my family. Professionally, I've found my niche in the tech industry, which offers commendable compensation, yet it cannot compensate for the time that has slipped away. Reflecting on my experiences, I've come to the conclusion that dwelling on an unchangeable past serves little purpose. Instead, it's more constructive to focus on what lies ahead and what we can influence in the future. It's clear to me that your reluctance to pursue dating may be rooted in your own high self-critique, driven by the belief that you have the potential to do better. As for your concerns about your current living situation and its potential impact on dating prospects, it's true that there are undoubtedly individuals who wouldn't be deterred by such circumstances. However, it's worth considering whether those are the individuals you truly desire in your life.
ur not alone in feeling ALLL these things haha the struggle w/ passion vs stability and not enjoying the moment/worrying about everyyything - all so real T_T but hey we can only focus our energy on what we can actually change :) u got this!!
Ooh I'm liking this new intro! Such a relatable video and you explained your thoughts so well! I miss my past self (sometimes haha), I find myself worrying about the future more than I'd like, and I'm working on living in the present as well. The right guy absolutely will not care if you live with your parents or not. It's actually kind of a cool way to see if someone is worth your time. You're good enough as you are now to pursue whatever it is you desire Abbey!
Hey girl, a lot of people tend to live in the past and keep shifting back and forth, haha it gets complicated but the present is really important! I wish u luck on finding a great job so everything falls into place, keep making videos and doing things that make u happy ❤️👏🏽
Only in the western world does the stigma exist where living with parents at a certain age is seen as taboo. A mindset that pushes young Young adults to make forceful decisions that ends up being more of a Financial strain than a privilege. no wonder why so many young adults suffer with serious anxiety, depression and Loneliness. The burdensome mindset of what is to be at a certain age, comparing ones self Does take its toll.
I know right, being independent is fine but living with parents is totally fine in Asia , some married couples live with their parents in India, kids inherit houses cars money in India , in western countries parents don't care
I'm guilty of reminiscing about my younger days when I didn't have so much to think about (or as these young people be calling "adulting"). Things were so much easier back then....but now you gotta figure out what direction you want to go in and how you're gonna do it. It's overwhelming a lot of times. I'm certainly NOT in a rush to start dating anyone. I still live with my family, but I mostly decide not to date because my mind needs to be focused on trying to make use of the gifts that God has instilled in me and figuring out how to start working. Relationships take a lot of time and effort, and at this point in my life, I don't think I would be able to hold up my end. Do I want to find that special someone one day? Absolutely! Just not right now. I'm happily single and I know I'll meet the right guy when the time is right. Don't be ashamed to date because you live with your parents. There are many people who still live with their families and are dating. I'm speaking for myself.....if a guy I was seeing couldn't understand why I was still at home with my family and wanted to bring a bunch of negativity....I know that's not the right guy for me. PERIOD!
Yes it's definitely overwhelming. I feel that my mind constantly runs on these ideas. That's great to hear and yes that special someone will appear when the time is right! And that's so true! The right one will understand & be supportive no matter what!
I'm on the older end of my 30's and had good things going for me as I entered them. Unfortunately, personal problems arose that derailed my advancement in life and now I'm really struggling to accept my position in life right now. I always wanted to move to Chicago (I live in the suburbs not too far from the city) and had a career going there before things took a turn. I still want to meet those goals and as hard as it is to motivate myself to get myself to do that, I've been making progress. It's not easy and younger me might dismiss that sentiment, but sometimes the hardest things in life you'll face is your own self. I gave up on myself but I've realized that doing so only caused me more pain than actually trying to better my situation. I won't say "things will get better" because they don't, not on their own. You have to be the change you want to see in yourself, only then will that happen.
I too saw this video before and it's so relatable, even this morning I had future thoughts and "what if thoughts" thoughts about going and getting my masters or switching to another field and doing the complete opposite of what I'm doing right now! Yes I love the staircase example, it definitely is crazy to think that way I try to stay on a deadline that I created on my own! Thank you for sharing your experience, I love the way you analyzed everything and are so open!
I definitely have been in the same position as you! But just going with your gut will never let you down! Glad to share and thank you! Thank you so much for watching!!
Me too I’ve always struggled with being present ever since high school. I constantly felt guilty of my choices and i used to afraid of making a decision bc i knew that i would regret no matter what i chose. I’ve been trying meditation and it’s been quite helpful. Love your genuine one o one talk. Hope you stay safe and present 💝
I feel that way too! I'm also indecisive because I keep thinking like the what ifs a lot also. I agree although I haven't really pushed myself to make meditation a habit, which is silly because it doesn't take too much time either! Thank you so much and I hope the same for you too!
Living in the past leads to depression. Living in the future leads to anxiety. To truly live, focus on the present, here and now. A lot of what you're talking about can be easily be worked through regular CBT therapy.
Hey Abbey just ran into your channel, have a handful of female friends that are in similar positions as yourself and I see how hard it is. It gets soo much harder for women the older because your options start to diminish and fast. Getting into your 30s single as women, it hits hard. Your channel and videos are cool, but you got to step on it, girl, because you are on a clock like it or not. What you want out of life is not going to just fall into your lap. Stars are not going to align. Make a choice to move out, cut out whatever is not moving you forward in life, you can turn this around. If you want a family in the future do not stop dating, because the men will stop knocking on your door. "Cat lady" is a real thing. Ending up alone is a real thing. Don't let life catch ya like this in your mid 30's 40's because there is a point of no return. Looking forward to keeping up with your channel!
Words cannot express how I feel. Thank you so much for providing this realization. I have never felt so motivated and determined just from reading a comment. I feel like you gave me that push that I never knew I needed. You’re definitely right and I need to take action so I’ll work towards what I want in life! It reminds me of the quote, “If you want something, go get it. Period.” Thanks again!!
@@abbeysolute Awesome! I was super compelled to reach out because you remind me of a particular friend. I wish i can tell you differently but unfortunately we are not getting any younger and in the real world, happy ending is not guaranteed. Take control of your life, make choices for yourself else life is going to do it for you. None of us are perfect and everybody has their path and its not a race but at the end of the day you cant fight time. Yours 20's are not the same as your 30's. 30's are not the new 20's as much as you want them to be or people tell you. Make it Count Abbey!
I understand some of what you are trying to say but I don’t understand why this “cat lady” and time frenzy thing is only pushed on women. I think it is really harmful for us to be teaching women that once they hit 30 it is all down hill for the dating market because it simply isn’t true. When we teach women this they will just pair up with just anyone for the sake of saying they have someone and that can cause women to stay in abusive relationships. In my life the BEST marriages are from people who met and got married in their 30’s. They were wiser, had more money, and lived enough to choose the right partner for themselves. From what I have seen the men don’t stop knocking. We just all need to take care of ourselves, exercise, eat well, and get therapy, stay/be attractive. And we have got to stop talking about relationships like they are the end all be all. The most important relationship we have is with ourselves. But lastly I do agree with you saying that if this is what she wants then she needs to just put herself out there. Most if not all my friends that are in relationships or married really made it there priority to find someone. A lot of times women will tell other women who are bummed about being single to just not worry about it and to just focus on life and it will happen when we least expect it 🙄. But the older I am getting (currently 26) I am realizing that the opposite is true lol.
@@simoneeeoooo Hi Simone, thank you for the thoughtful repose. The answered is simple on why women are pushed more than men. Women are literally on a timer to bare children. Around the 30s women start going into "high risk" pregnancy territory. So you have a time frame to work with an this is why friends and family are pushy about it. Most men want children so this is why they date down and makes it so a women in their 30's is now competing with a women in their 20's. So they rather knock at their doors. Unfortunately men do not operate by the same rules because of biology. Not to say theres nothing wrong if you choose to be single but know there's after effects of that decision which leads down the road of just ending alone with pets to fill that void of companionship from a partner.
That MOMENT between the PAST and the FUTURE is where LIFE is. Years ago I dated a girl that constantly missed her H.S. days, she missed them so much she missed out on her present days. You can't grasp the Past, it's gone forever...You can't grasp the future as YOU haven't created it yet. You can only grab the NOW, make it yours.
@@abbeysolute Here's a trick I use when my mind starts to overthink. First thing is to be aware of the change. When you realize it stop what your doing and just pause. Ask yourself-to yourself-"Am I breathing?" Then take a DEEP, CALMING breath...put all your focus on the sensation of the air entering your nostrils and exiting. Then take another breath. Putting all you focus on those same sensations. If a though arises, acknowledge the thought then go right back to taking another breath and focusing on the sensation. The goal is to get two or three consecutive breaths in without ANY thoughts interfering. With that accomplished your mind should be more relaxed and calm, allowing you to get back to your day. and you just completed your first micro-session of Mindfulness meditation.
Hi I am Shabazz Sallier nice to meet you, and I guess it was faith to see your video pop up on RU-vid . I just started watching your other videos and have to say congrats on joining RU-vid I am actually the same way as you with all the expectations and what not with dating and job searching. I also live my parents to and I am almost thirty as well and it feels weird to tell people where you live when they ask you and you have to tell them my parents house. I am also the same way with my job I work part time for Amazon but I know how the job rejection is and I love to play video games and do videos. I also love doing music as you will see my account has a music symbol next to it. I am hoping one day we can become friends because I know we have a lot in common and I can say that your RU-vid videos had just made my whole night because I feel like that I am not alone and that there is other people out there like me .
There are people who don't mind if you stay with your parents. People stay at home for many reasons. If someone judges you for that, oh well, their lose🤷🏾♀️. As long as you're saving, working or going to school, I don't think anyone should feel ashamed for that. Many people wish they could still stay with their parents.
You should do stability first and find time to squeeze your passion in there. If you enjoy making videos then find a stable job and make videos on the side. The important thing isn't how much you can make, but how much you can save. It doesn't matter if you make 4k a month if you have nothing left over at the end of the month. I encourage everyone to save at least 300 a month. It doesn't sound like much but it adds up. It's basically how I was able to afford the down payment for the house I live in now. Give the money you're saving a purpose and don't spend it no matter what until that purpose comes along. I only made about 1800 a month and was living in a rented room for 500 dollars so it's definitely doable. As for the dating aspect I had that same mentality since I was in high school. I didn't have a car for a long time so I never asked anyone out at that time. Then I struggled to find a job for about 3 years so I never asked anyone out. I didn't get into a serious relationship until I was 21 but it only lasted about 2 years. Now I'm 28 in my second serious relationship. Don't let people's judgements of you control your life. Remember that most peoples lives aren't as great as they make it seem on social media or as great as they make it sound when you talk to them. Seriously though save, save, save. If you can do that you will open so many doors.
The only time that exists, is 'now'. If you live in the past, you will be depressed. If you live in the future you will be anxious. Love a bit of Alan Watts. ~Peace
You're right, growing up is a trap! Staying stuck in an extended adolescence is a worse trap (probably). There's a saying; 'What kind of pain would you like in life? Choose your pain' (Its more positive than it appears!) 😊
You overthink to much on the dating part ,i'm sure you can find someone who does not care you live with your parents at 30 and would understand that things in life don't go as we wish to. At least thats how i think but we don't all think the same 😂
GIRL you dont need to do anything to deserve love. Almost 30 and live with your parents, yeah so what. There is nothing to be ashamed of there, especially if you're saving/working. Who cares about that. That will not impact the relationship for at least 2 years and then he can be the majority to buy the house for you guys. Get back on that horse.
There will never be 'the right time'' to do something. That's a myth we tell ourselves to grant ourselves permission to not take action. Also, as a 29-year-old man, I can tell you that you living with your folks is a non-factor....I live in South Africa so I'm not trying to be weird lol. Keep making content, I wish that I could.
@@abbeysolute Only time, funny enough. I'm at the point where I'm taking action but I'm mastering my craft before creating content on it. The healthy thing to do would be to set a deadline on when I do start creating content, right?
@@se7ensavage707 You won’t be able to start if you’re aiming for perfection. The best thing to do is to start now, with what you have. Doesn’t have to be perfect but taking that first step goes a long way. Especially since you’re able to learn as you go and build off of what you’ve created. You won’t know until you try! And the longer you wait, well someone else might end up doing what you want to do. So I’m all for just going for it and not letting anything stop you from reaching success.
@@abbeysolute "the longer you wait, well someone else might end up doing what you wanted to do.", story of my life. {SIGH}.....I'm a rational person so I can't do anything but agree with you on that, challenge accepted.😤
1 day I may comment on your postings. No man cares if you live with your parents. We care about you. Women do not understand men. For ex. You said when you turned 21 you.could have fun, the kind you can't have at your parents house. You know riding the cc. Any way we don't care about living at your parents.
Living with parents is only a problem if the parents are controlling. I wouldn't mind dating someone who lived with their parents as long as they still had the freedom to do what they want when they want. Have to be home by 10pm or else mom/dad will be mad? Can't go out because mom/dad thinks the weather is bad? Can't talk to me because your mom/dad thinks I'm not good enough? BBYYEEEE!!!!!!!
You're welcome. I'm sorry to hear about men not being interested in you and ghost you. Men who ghost you and aren't honest with you aren't real men anyways. They are still boys. It's ok to live with your parents. I would still date a woman even if she was living with her parents. That's nothing to me as long as I love her. By the way, I'm going to subscribe to you. I hope we become good friends!
