*TMI* Q&A ABOUT OUR AT HOME BIRTH EXPERIENCE 

I am a registered nurse … I work at a hospital but I was adamant I would not give birth at a hospital. For me, though I love being a nurse, giving birth at a hospital which in other words is my workplace, just created such a negative space in my mind from the get-go. I ended up having a healthy baby boy (just a week after little Micah was born actually!) at a birth centre with only one midwife present and completely unmedicated. It was such a positive experience and I wouldn’t change it for the world!

When you ask how dialated you are during labor can be really devastating (as she points out). It's a mistake to think of birth like everything else in life. Maybe for other things, knowing something is motivating but having any expectations during labor is a mistake. Ladies, don't do that. Don't expect anything. If you are planning a home birth or unmedicated birth, don't ask how dialated you are and dont have any expectations. Commit fully to the unknown and everything will be fine. Worked really well for me.

I want to encourage you Tori, what Micah’s birth was like does not predict what every labour of yours will be like- having a sideways cervix for his labour would have been a great source of pain, and without that (with the added hope that second babies come a bit quicker and easier anyway) I believe your next birth will be completely different! ❤️ AND- even if it isn’t, God will still be good and will still be right there in it with you.

Expectation is what KILLED my mental health in the newborn stage. I followed all of these accounts on social media about baby sleep, baby schedules, etc. and when none of my worked I felt like a complete failure. I chose to unfollow all of those pages for the time being and I felt like a weight lifted from me. Those pages can be helpful for some, but when it doesn’t work- you feel like you’re doing something wrong, when in reality you as mama know what’s best for your baby. Night time waking in babies is NORMAL. Fighting naps, shorts naps, is all n o r m a l. Marketing just makes us think it’s not so we buy all these gadgets to try and fix it! It can be so so stressful when you feel like you can’t put baby down or when the sleep isn’t there. Just know you’re not alone.♥️

Thank you for being s real with your answers. As I have watched you go through this journey, it has helped me to think, feel, pray, and process my past birth experience.

Glad to see y'all upload. Excited for this video

So much respect for you guys! Loved this video and love seeing how you guys are working through all this!

This is such a helpful and informative incite to what’s to come baby in July. Thank you for sharing your experiences and blessing me with “real” talk that can sometimes be hard to find! ❤ love you guys

So relate to when you find something that works for your kids then it changes. As a mom of two littles it seems like the only thing consistent in motherhood is change. Those sweet babes like to keep us on our toes! Thank you for sharing all of this with us it is an encouragement! 🧡

Aww congratulations!! So happy for you guys! God bless your family

Finally watched it 💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾 This was more interesting than I thought, but then again, we’re use to having pearls of wisdom in EVERY video y’all post🙌🏾

You guys are always so comforting and inspiring, even when you are talking about going through hard things yourself.

thank y’all for letting God’s light and love shine through your lives!!! so grateful for you both!

Thanks for sharing! I love following your journey through life! Super inspirational! 🙏🙌🏼 As a nurse practitioner, I find it’s good to hear people talk about the specifics and not so pretty parts of post partum , such as sex. It’s actually so much more common than people realize… some women even get post partum vaginismus, from traumatic births etc. so good to realize your not alone, it’s so much more common than you realize… and things will get better, even better than before 💯💯 love you guys 🙏😘

so grateful for a different home birth narrative going into my own any day now, to have peace that the Lord will lead exactly what it is to be and to look at my own story with gratitude. i have another little one who is a difficult sleeper, similarly to Micah, so praying for you to gain joy through the sleepless suffering💖

I love the mind set shift from willing to learn instead of why don't I know this. Just had my 2nd daughter last week. I had such a better experience due to being ok with any outcome as long as I met my baby.

Tori and Chad, thank you so much for sharing your experience. That was tough! So glad God has given you the strength to even talk to us about it. Tori, thank you for being real especially about the areas where you're struggling. I'm so blessed that your faith in God rules every area of your lives. That's just what it means to make Jesus your Lord and I'm so glad you have made Him that. I love your faith in God even in the imperfections. I admire you and I'm so sure you've inspired so many of us. Will continue to pray for you guys. Thanks again☺️

Thank you for sharing! 🙏🏼❤️ I appreciate it! I have a hard time sharing about my birth experience esp my first one. I felt so much pain afterwards. I had hospital births. I never thought about a home birth. So sweet that Tori apologized for keeping her eyes opened when Chad prayed! 🙏🏼❤️ Can’t wait to watch the entire video.

Currently pregnant with my first. All of your birth related videos have been so encouraging even in the difficult parts! Praying for knowledge and peace for my birth 🤎

Oh my goodness my stomach flipped when you said dry baby 🫥 you’re a warrior!!

I hope that Tori would record some video about motherhood, what she has learned and what are the best advices she got about baby, mastitis, colics etc 😊 .

Really love your videos and the encouragement they bring!! Would be really great to have a whole video from Chad like "Advice to expectant dads"

You guys opening up about such sensitive topics is like a breath of fresh air. A lot of people don’t talk about these things and I feel more prepared for when my fiancé and I are ready for babies. I love you guys 🤍

I feel like I relate to you so much in regards to your feelings about having more kids. I have two kids now but after my first labor and delivery that was so long and so hard (24 hour labor with 4 hour pushing) and then I felt not like myself for a long long time, my greatest worry was that would happen a second time. God totally answered that prayer and covered that fear with a short, easy labor and delivery and an amazing recovery with my second baby. But I did feel as though I had some trauma and couldn’t look at birth photos with my first for some time.

I'm so excited to check this one out! You two are the best 💛

I recently found your YT Channel and mann, it has been such a blessing to me!🩶🥹 You are one of the most open and authentic YT couples I've watched and I appreciate that so much! God’s blessings to you and your precious family!🙏🏽✨️

Your videos always pull me towards Jesus. I love how you make an impact in so many lives. Thank you so, so much :)

You guys seem like the sweetest most genuine down to earth people. I recently found your channel and I’m loving it! Ps. Tori, war room is my favorite movie, too😍

This is so similar to our first home birth experience. You both did amazing. ❤We just had our 4th home birth 8 months ago, and it took until my fourth baby to really “know” how and what to expect. I also had high expectations for the experience, and I agree that it can be such a challenge when the expectations and reality don’t meet. The mindset of dwelling on meeting baby for the first time is the most beautiful mental space to be in. God’s most precious gift is about to arrive, and nothing gets better than that.❤ So many blessings to you both and to your beautiful baby! ❤

Thank you! I’m due end of July and am planning a hospital birth (open adoption) for my baby boy and I love hearing your stories and advice about first time moms laboring. It’s so helpful!!!

Thank you for sharing ❤ I also had a hard time processing my birth.. and still am (3 years later and having my second in a few weeks God willing). Your answers helped me feel better 🤍 and validated 🙃

What we do in Kenya is sit on hot water mixed with salt for after delivery whether you tare or not it helps the healing. Even nurses will advice you to do it

I had a scheduled c section about two weeks before my due date because my babygirl wasn't growing as much as she should have at 38 weeks, ( she was still around 4 pounds and I guess my Dr wanted her to grow more) So I had to goto the hospital and didn't get a choice unfortunately but I am so glad my babygirl is healthy and happy. She's now 4 months and she weighs about 15 pounds right now. I'm so blessed 🥰🥰🥲 thank you guys for always putting great videos out and sharing God's light and love. More of God's love and light can be shared and used in this world. ❤️‍🩹 Also I love Jess and Gabe and I found you guys through their channel!!! God bless and congratulations beautiful 💖🥳

My first birth was traumatic and it’s a constant reminder that I am not in control-God is! I needed that experience to humble me. Also, can I encourage you to chat with your midwife and doula about adding the conversation about birth plans in their prenatal care? I’m surprised neither spoke to you about the 24 hr “countdown” after water breaking, and what you want to do if A,B,C happen.

Yes, yes, yes! Rest is SO important for labor. Taking a Bradley Method class between my 1st and 2nd babies made all the difference in my labor experiences, by God's grace. I felt so prepared. Also, contractions after your water breaks vs before are a world apart. My water broke super early for our first baby and it was tough. By contrast, our 2nd baby was almost birthed at home by accident, because I thought I was still in early labor when I was actually in late active labor/transition. 😅

I just want to encourage you both that it does get much easier after they are out of the newborn stage and once they are in a good routine. I have a 2 year old and 5 month old and I have them on a schedule so they both nap at the same time in the middle of the day for 2-3 hours to give me free time during the day. They also both go to bed at 7:00-7:30 so my husband get time together at night. It gets better!

Omg yes, please do a video on what spouses or birth partners can do to help! I think you would be a great person to make that video Chad! (because you are such a helper, use that strength for others in the birth partner situation😃!)

really enjoyed this video:) and the message at the end

Amen. I pray with my eye open all the time. 🙂 I wanted to have a home water birth too, but I ended up having an emergency C-section. Not how I imagined my son's birth happening. God helped us out each step of the way to holding our sweet baby boy in my (our) arms. So I am glad you are now holding your baby boy. Thanks for sharing your families story. Love and prayers 💕💗

Thank you sweet Tori and Chad for sharing.🙏❤️+

So much respect and love how real and honest you guys are as you continue to navigate this journey!

Thanks ❤ for being so honest.

As a person that doesn't lead a religious life like y'all do I'm finding y'all's journey to be a fascinating one. I have 5 kids and number 11 grandbaby showed up near the begining of February of which I should going how to spend time with the newest one and all of the others that live in the town that I live in when I am there the rest of my children and 5 of my grandbabies are in New York anyways most of the time when I watch y'all videos I sometimes draw comparisons to how my family handles life and all of its little trials to how y'all handle your trials. Like y'all have been saying a lot lately we are all different and all of our situations are different. Thank you Chad and Tori for sharing this little video with us I'm kinda hoping that there might be a part 2 or maybe even a part 3 to this, just a thought... May y'all have a good one have fun take care

Can’t wait to watch ❤

I love hearing both of your feelings post birth! It’s definitely special to have both husband and wife’s perspective. I would love to see a video of just Tori and her experiences. I felt like Tori was second to Chad in this video and I would love to hear all of her answers instead of Chad explaining it!🧡🧡🧡

Tori, you're so strong and Chad, you're so supportive of Tori! It's so beautiful. Don't be discouraged for needing help during this season, especially for trying to get videos and podcasts out. In Canada, new moms get around a year off work paid to let their bodies heal. Praying that Micah starts sleeping consistently through the night!

Great analogy for windshield and mirror!

@Chad and Tori I love you all!

Thank u so much for sharing, definitely I'm clearing my expectations to this process, and also the whole birth process .. lot to think but God encourage through this video to be realistic and all process are not the same 🙏💜

Omg, all the struggle that your guys are experiencing about Micah's evolution, that's very similar to what we experiencing here. Such a shocking 🤣, we thing that now we got it and suddenly everything change. I'm learning to really let God's working on it, cause I know that is happening for a reason that I hope I'll to understand later❤

Your greet parents and nice and so outstanding to author’s and have positively great ideas and great stories

Two things I'd have to agree with you Tori. 1. Best advise I was given by my friend before giving birth was to know it will be worst pain I've ever had and know that I can do it! 2. Postpartum hormones and recovery causes a lot of pain and discomfort during the deed. But I have to say 6 months pp were back to normal! Also would like to add I got an episiotomy and my stitches broke after going to the toilet a week later because I forgot to take my stool softeners. For the first month was agony, every time going to the toilet... it was giving birth all over again. Literally contractions and all. And the midwife said it will heal without restitching... Only if my internal stitches broke they'd redo them.

My 3.5 month old bubba does the same with sleeping. Waking up 2-3 hours to feed but then also in between.

Hey guys 😊 love the channel

Chad can you please do a video expanding your answer at 14 minutes? The role of the dad and how they can help through the whole process prebirth, birth, post parfum. But also how to prepare to be a dad!

Thank you for sharing! You both are such a blessing to me. I felt a ton of fear going into my second birth after how painful my first birth was. I can’t recommend the Bradley method enough! My second birth (2 weeks ago) was so peaceful and is such a treasured memory. “Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way” by Susan McCutcheon changed everything. ❤

Most chaotic intro ever 😂 I'm here for it! Hahaha

I feel led to share this in hopes of giving someone encouragement and peace over Birth, and homebirth specifically 🕊️ I had a 4-hour labor. I did have lots of prodromal labor (real, steady contractions) on and off for the week prior to delivery day. I had so much peace about birth, having been encouraged by my church family + community that I COULD do this, and we would have a beautiful birth with a healthy baby + healthy mama. I set my mind on that, and I feel that played a HUGE role in having a short labor that was mostly pain-free. Contractions felt intense but not painful. A little after 11am I went somewhere else mentally, spiritually… Starting seeing the contractions as waves 🌊 and felt like I was surfing 🏄🏼‍♀️ coming up to each one, having to prepare myself to ride along each wave. My doula + my husband took turns squeezing my hips during contractions, all throughout labor, as counter-pressure that helped me ride those waves and not be swallowed up by them. My doula also taught me to make low groans/humming sounds through each contraction. All of that helped me visualize and physically feel baby moving down. The birth pool/water helped a lot with relieving the intense pressure from contractions as well. Baby crowning was painful… but short-lived burning feeling that I could still visualize and flow along with. Our baby boy was born at 3:01pm on 3/2/23 🌟 Having God, Jesus, & Holy Spirit to rely on throughout my entire pregnancy + labor + delivery, + postpartum has been the most valuable in all of this.

You two are so cute and adorable together. And your smiles are similar, lol 😂

At my hospital birth they kept giving me Pitocin to speed up the process and it made my baby come so fast. I also had a small laceration too and the doctor sewed it up right away after my baby came out and I didn’t even notice cuz I couldn’t feel it from my epidural and I was focused on holding my baby lol. It was great. So sorry you had a horrible experience! 😞

It is ok I had a home birth also and you had a beautiful little boy and you all are a beautiful couple and beautiful family

i feel like the third baby wont be given as much attention and calculation. Its me, im the third baby.🤨 So wonderful that you were that excited for Micah

Reality is - we live in a fallen world and birth is cursed. Whilst getting to meet our babies is beautiful, birth is actually very serious and things can go wrong, and not by any fault of our own. It's ok to have a positive mindset going in and believing it will go well - be we actually have no control over our births. Mums-to-be really do need to be careful about how many "positive" videos they watch. I had a similar experience as Tori and I too watched tonnes of beautiful, peaceful birthing videos, believing that mine would be the same, and when I ended up having an emergency c-section I was devastated. This was over a year ago and I'm still processing it. Thank you for sharing your experience Tori. You're a shining light and an incredible Mumma!

I was lucky with my first. It was a precipitous (fast), unmedicated labour of 2h 3min. When my midwife checked me (30 min after getting to hospital) she said "...that's crazy, I see in your notes you wanted and epidural, but you're 7-8cm, there's no time for one, your baby will be here in 20 minutes!" She offered me opioid drugs but I said "no thank you", thinking I can do 20min. Half an hour later baby was here. I could do the 2 hours, but i thought at the time, if this level of pain went for any longer I would have needed an epidural, I can't imagine going for 36h+, you are amazing and so strong!!!

Let's go daddy! 💪🏼😂🤪

Love watching you guys and it helps me a lot... Could I please have some advice or something please. Recently I have been so upset about my depression and I feel like things keep happening to me over and over and I feel like God isn't fixing anything and he is just making things worse for me. I have never felt this way before but I got so mad at God and just blamed him for everything because I feel like he isn't there for me. I feel so bad for feeling that way and idk what to do. I'm so sad for being mad at God.

I understand your point about hospitals. If I ever get pregnant though I'm probably going to a hospital 😂 even if I feel the same way

My husband feels the same way about the daddy thing😂

🙏🏼

That last question lol. You guys are so funny. Look I think we really need to talk about sex post partum. It can be really isolating for women and nobody talks about it. After my first son who was an emergency C section I think we had sex at the 6/7 week mark. For my second son (now 6months old) who was a VBAC it took 2 months before we tried but closer to 3 months before things felt better. I had an episiotomy with forceps delivery and stitches and DANG it hurt way deep inside and on the outside the first 3-4 times we had sex. I only felt comfortable talking to a few people and they just kept saying it will get better. Meanwhile my poor hubby was being very patient but I could tell he was nervous and getting more and more impatient. the more you stress or get anxious then the worse it gets. And for those wondering because I never knew but like Toru said hormones! They can make you way drier, they change the elasticity of the vaginal wall making it more painful, and impact sex drive. So yeah. I think there is a lot to talk about and hopefully we can talk about it more to normalize sex post partum.

Are y’all gonna be doing parenting videos as Micah gets older?😃

💕

A lot of tears would heal better naturally, without stitches. So I've heard :)

Take a birth class before the next one, or read some books about the process.

😃

i do not like hospitals either, my cat had her kittens at home

I disagree on the sex readiness getting better with each birth. My third has definitely been the worst on my hormones.

My friend did a home birth. Had a blood clot, had to go to hospital…..d & c……

🥰🥰🥰

For the “everyone calls you Dad” comment: I work in labor and delivery at a hospital and I call the baby’s fathers “Dad” (NOT daddy) simply because I don’t know their names and unlike the patient’s name it’s not in the chart😅 it’s better than “hey you” lol

why does chad turn everything into about him

But a high risk person can’t do a home birth. Congratulations 💙💙💙

The routine will change for the first two years aalll the time😅🙈 and wait until you have 2 or more and have a lack of sleep😅

There's a pretty fair chance this, too, will be deleted... but i just want to say: I think its sad to see so many comments being deleted when they are not entirely supportive/positive/you-did-greaty. Birth extends over a range of experiences and I think deleting comments taking about births that were more traumatic dont discredit the fact that tori had a hard time. Birth is a range of experiences an opinions and censoring instead of engaging in discussion seems really off to me. It's perfectly fine that your perception of labor was traumatic, but its also important to acknowledge that nothing went wrong and many of the things that happened could have been prepared for. I feel like deleting more critical messages will leave people feeling like they should be traumatized by their experience when it was worse/more intervention heavy than Tori's, when they previously thought that their labor was fine. I'd love for you guys to engage in an actual conversation in this, instead of censoring... :(

hey daddyy hahaha

Do you want a boy or girl next?😃

The home birth judgement is so ridiculous! Where do y’all think people gave birth 100+ years ago?! Our generation has it so twisted. I got SO much judgement from my OB’s office when I told them I was switching to a midwife - it’s like I had told them I was gonna go give birth in a barn! 🙈

I don’t mean this in a rude way but I think y’all put too much of your faith in God instead of educating yourself on birth, pain management techniques, and in general just the whole home birth experience. It is SO important to read books, watch videos, prepare yourself with breathing techniques and other pain management. We are in a very soft time in humanity where people are not used to pain or suffering, we have hot water, beautiful homes, food at our fingertips and the primal experience of birth is just not like that!

Just have to say, you are wrong about the stitches, you do not want stitches. Praise God you didn’t need stitches.

is it weard that i think that if Chad feels so unconfortable with some topics and was so nervous during the delivery maybe he should not be during delivery next time? Some man doesn't feel well in the delivery room and it doesn't mean they are not great fathers and that they don't care about their wife and child. Maybe some woman from family would be more capable of helping and understanding

Tori, for your next baby, please look into a hospital birth. It's obvious that the home birth was just too much for the both of you. You didn't need to suffer so much. It could have been a better experience for you if you had an epidural and episiotomy like most mothers do.

Also about the swaddle - try using the transitional swaddle sack 👍🏼 that really helped mine. Hope it works out! 🤍