Honestly, having a bunch of new information in every video isn't even that important because when it comes to self-development everyone needs reminders of concepts they probably already intuitively know. I think some repetition in your content serves it's purpose really well.
I completely agree with this. In the same way like advertising and parental pressure is repeated to us on and on , I also believe that we need reminder of other things as well
I actually appreciate that she takes time to think about sharing new information in every video, I agree with you that we need reminders, but personally speaking, when I see videos or read books, my brain always wants to get new info, it's like new and different food for my brain and spirit, I just can't imagine repeating the same info, over and over, it will be like chewing the same gum forever. So, in conclusion I think @Rowena is one of the few influencers who actually takes the time to think about their audience and how to apport something useful to this universe instead of just thinking about the amount of views she can get like to many others who don't really care about the people. So, thanks Rowena for sharing your knowledge and being so compromised with your goals of helping people. To me and I'm sure for too many others it makes a really good difference and that's why I follow her, cuz of her authenticity. That's a gift.
ugh perfectionism is my biggest crutch and source of anxiety just like you, I also thought that perfectionism was a blessing in disguise - it only turned its ugly side to me only in the last few years when I had TOO MUCH to try to be perfect about, too much of the time. I've been taking small steps to try to also convince myself that "done is better than perfect" "no one is scrutinizing you to the same degree that you do" "you're your biggest critic" "your 'flaws' and 'imperfections' are part of what make you - *you* and special and unique" but damn girl, it's haaaard haha
Perfectionism is why I have a hard time creating when I love to create. I needed to hear these tips before bed and I'll be watching this video again tomorrow. Thanks so much for posting this. ☺️
I am always amazed and thankful at the topics you’ve chosen for your videos and their timing of it!!! I don’t know how you do it, but it’s almost as if you sense what people are going through and feeling; it truly is amazing! I was just thinking about my own habit of trying to be a perfectionist a few days ago and here you are, speaking about the very subject! Your videos are continuously inspiring and gives me good values as to who I aspire to become in the future. And just a little tip for you; repeating contents are not a bad thing. Most of the time, we all get caught up in life and forget about those important values and self-awareness. So please don’t put yourself down for worrying about repeating contents because you never know who you might be helping at the right place and time! Ok, I’m done with my little rant😅
I was literally just venting to my mom last night about how stressed I was and we came to the conclusion that I put all the stress on myself by being a perfectionist and that my perfectionism tends to hold me back. I want to actively change and develop better habits and this video is definitely what I’ve been needing lately.
I needed this today, thank you. I just yesterday had a breakdown about my job, the stress and my procrastination habbits linked to perfectionism. I have some work to do unpeeling this.
I'm not a perfectionist, but I clicked this video cause I really wanted to hear what she had to say about how we internalize what other people think about us. Honestly, once quarantine started I found my progress in my self love journey has sky rocketed. Since I'm barely around people, I have to be cautious about myself and what I think and feel when I'm alone. It's a hard concept to live by, but once you start trying and stay disciplined, it starts to get easier over time :)
You are the greatest discovery of my 2021 so far. You have calmed my anxiety so so much. Whenever I am having a chaotic or stressful day, I watch your videos and I am all set again. Thank u for your meaningful and helfpul videos, Rowena. Pls do more. Also, pls give advice on how to keep your peace around toxic people and environment, that is what I have been struggling with every day. Thankkk u and God Bless u more!
Its so perfect and i can't hold my tears anymore🥺, its like i got the answer for my question that i have never ask, its like my sister trying to give me some comfort even though i dont have any sister, thankyou so much,it mean a lot for me :), and i hope u all have a good day❤️
This video was a slap in my face but it was SO IMPORTANT! As a perfectionist I've been suffering more and more every day trying to hide my fears in a "perfect work", and this was literally killing me. Amazing video and very helpful, thank you so much Rowena!
Quick reminder for the perfectionists out there - Just because you have watched this incredibly helpful video does not mean that you will start being a completely better version of yourself tomorrow! It won’t happen quickly. Jot these ideas and questions down and attempt to work on them one at a time, or if you want to work on them at the same time, just remember that you won’t be able to go super fast, take it slow and accomplish your better self one day, week, or even month at a time. - A note to myself
In the perfection vs excellence section I agree with everything except the "external validation" point. I genuinely don't mind what others will think of my end project, since you can never please everyone, but it's that what will I think of myself after being faced with the end result. I guess I'm just way too harsh when it comes to judging and evaluating things.
My all or nothing mindset has ruined so many chances for me to succeed. It’s a toxic trait that slows down my growth and abilities. I hope to see a day where I care more for progress than perfection.
Omg!! You're so cute. You have the powerful energy makes me feel comfortable and get the positive massages when I watch your video. Thank you for sharing. I will always support you.
PERFECT video for me ;) I love your style choices, Rowena! I was distracted from the beginning by your awesome pressed shirt, please tell us where you got it? Thank you for all your contributions, I have your beauty within set on my wishlist this year. Hope my boyfriend gets it for me!! PS it was the how-you-really-look-as-a-perfectionist fake cry for me 😂
My question is, if you have a friend that makes you feel less and embraces you to your bad perfectionism state inconsciously, is it his fault? Does he deserve this distance? Or you should work yourself to not feeling this with him?
Me when Rowena starts saying the definiton of perfectionism by Brene Brown: wait... what?... HUH? mhm... yeah that's me. that's scary. I GUESS I JUST HAVE TO RE-ADJUST MY GOALS TO NOT DIE... yey, haha.
That chart on “perfection” vs “excellence” was so on-point. Seeking perfection can be a road to frustration because it is so external focused. It is almost motivated by fear. Very useful video. Thanks for sharing!
I HAVE AN ALL OR NOTHING MINDSET!! It's awful and it's present in EVERY aspect of my life. I'm trying to get rid of that black and white mentality because I know it is making me very unhappy
I love that she's so honest about her own mistakes and experiences while bringing light to these real questions/ problems that everyone is so afraid to talk about. The mask analogy really is the reason why people are so disconnected from each other. Thanks for another nugget of wisdom Rowena! 💜
I seriously need to start taking notes on all of Rowena's videos and just like.... STUDY what she has to say. I swear, Rowena is a MASTER of self-esteem and identity and productivity and becoming your best self... Such an inspiration.
My mom always says “don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.” Many times I lack the motivation to start a project bc I’m so obsessed with it going perfectly. But once you start, and try your best, the outcome should be good!
I was much more of a perfectionist when I was in undergrad than now. I used to have stomach issues from the anxiety. I used to shake when having to present in front of others. Now I’m in grad school. I still struggle with perfectionism. Grades do matter, because I would not even be able to be in this program unless I had good grades, at the same time, I have to realize at times, there’s only so far I can push myself. I do do well, but I have to accept that not every project I work on will come out 100% the way I wanted to. Recently I got a 90 on a big project worth 20% of my overall grade. Part of me was like “Yay!” And the perfectionist side of me was like, “what about that other 10 points though that I missed?” Sometimes there’s other things involved that we have no control over. I ran into technical difficulties that were unseen before the project (basically the software we were required to upload PPT slides messed with the format of slides so they did not come out well in some parts). However, it’s simply not my fault if a software that I didn’t make doesn’t work properly. Sometimes we produce things that wow people and we feel is the best representation of who we are, and sometimes we still did good but the reactions we get can be different. I think what I try to strive for now, is that I simply gave it my all within the situation given. Sometimes that means putting myself first and taking the breaks I need. Some days it’s just ok to be tired and you just have to work through it and do what you can. Eventually I learned if we don’t put ourselves first, we burn out, and then we definitely won’t be able to do the things we strive for 100%. Ok that was a long ass comment but this is how I feel about this topic.
@Yeonjun Choi yes I get it and honestly today I still struggle sometimes. I think it’s kind of about changing your mindset though. Like obviously, I’m not trying to say go to the other extreme and not give a damn about anything and just do things without any care of effort, no. I still think we can strive for the best, but sometimes our best may mean that it will come along with imperfections. I think the issue with perfectionism is that sometimes we get carried away with wanting to do very well and slip into obsession. I think that when we obsess, it can also really block our creativity because our thought process is being really cautious of making mistakes. Like I said, I still believe in striving for your best, but I think part of the inner work is to not like beat yourself up if you don’t get a perfect score or perfect whatever and come to the realization that often subtle imperfections are a part of everyday life.
@@pault9544 the part about creativity is really true. As someone known to have artistic skills whether in writing or painting, I just can't start and continue painting lines. I know that I can do better than that since there are works I did that turned out great! The thing that's pulling me back is what people think, and will think about me. Makes me anxious to the core, and I subconsciously doubt my abilities and cause myself a mental block
THIS CAME JUST AT THE RIGHT TIME!!! Recently, I've started noticing how my perfectionism trait is ruining my daily life. I would struggle with settling or starting something because I'm worried it won't be perfect!! Thanks for this video Rowena!!
this came at such a good time, right now I feel so overwhelmed and have been procrastinating for the past 5 days, I feel so anxious and behind everything and don't have any energy. I don't want to go to uni or wake up. I stay up later than 3 am every night and take a lot of naps to escape reality. My relationships with people are great and I feel so fulfilled emotionally but achievement wise, I'm very insecure. I don't know what to do. Except to fix my sleep a bit I guess. Hmm. Hopefully we can start from there and feel better.
My “mask” has been on for most of my life. I don’t even know what I’m like without my “mask”. I’m working on finding out who I really am. Starting a bit late (I’m 26) and kind of sad that I spent my teens and early 20s hiding and not being myself
I hit rock bottom when I was 22 and spent many years after to get back on my feet. I also felt like I wasted so much time but then I realised 2 things. Every human being in every country and culture goes through a fase of finding them themselves. In simpler cultures this (adolescent) period can take 2 weeks, in more complex cultures like common in the west it can take years, and be very difficult. So what you're experiencing is hard, but not uncommon. Secondly I realised the odds are that I stil had 50 years left to live a life that suits me. You still have 2/3 of your life ahead of you too! It's not realistic to wish you've felt differently in your teens. Firstly, you can't turn back time. Seconsly, it's highly highly uncommon to go through that fase of finding yourself before you go to high school. It might seem like everyone around did, but they just have solid hard masks 😉 you're doing great! Congratulations on finding this path of self-discovery and enjoy the next 2/3 of you life! 💕
@@elainedejonge1851 I'm going through something similar. I'm probably going to have to change my major and start therapy. It's been steady downhill since highschool. I've always been too afraid to reveal to others what I really want, and tormenting myself with too much work in order to avoid decisions. I'm 23. Something tells me I'm not supposed to swim in so deep waters this young. Something's wrong here.
I used to be the same! I used to think that perfectionism is a strength, every time my bosses and colleagues would tell me or tease me about me being such a perfectionist I would pride myself with it until I realized it is not something to highlight. Humility is more important and I seriously think that it feeds your soul a higher sense of self than being such a perfectionist. Thanks for the reminder, Rowena :)
Holy shit, you've hit the spot! I always tried to be perfect: The perfect daughter, the perfect student, the perfect employee. Until I hit rock bottom a few months ago and decided to quit my job - regardless of what other people would say. And I feel so, so, so damn free! xD I'm now working in an easy going and not "well respected" job field. I'm not the best employee there and I love it 😂 I took a break from my perfectionism and it is the best thing I ever did for myself!
That's exactly how I felt a year ago working a factory job abroad. I loved it. And language barrier prevented me from using my brain at work or talking about my future. It was paradise.
Exactly what I needed 😭😭 "The main thing about demanding perfection from yourself & having perfectionism tendencies, is because you feel like you're inadequate in certain aspects of your life so you need to overcompensate by being perfect." Damn. That hit me hard 😅 thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences to us, Rowena! I love that you are so real. Truly inspiring and motivating! ✨
So freakin relatable!! I still want to start my own YT channel and even received the vlog camera (you have as well) for my birthday in January. But my perfectionism and procrastination have been stopping me. I'm reading Big Magic right now and after this video I got inspired as well. Gonna make a start for realz now 😭!!!! You're doing amazing Rowena!!! 🤩🥰❤️ have a great day.
I’m so grateful for this video and I also noticed that one of the best parts of the viewing experience is that you don’t rush. You don’t rush your videos or speak so quickly we have to think too hard to keep up. Instead you are paced and mindful and that helps me stay mindful too
Thank you Rowena! 💖 As a new RU-vidr it's so refreshing and reassuring to hear you talk about your struggles with perfectionism, especially with filming! I can relate so much to feeling like you said nothing important, feeling more comfortable doing voiceovers than talking on camera, and having the sun go down before you've finished filming 😭 I've always adored your videos and you're a huge part of the reason I started doing RU-vid in the first place, so seeing you have the same struggles gives me hope. You are perfect as you are Rowena, I can't wait to continue watching your videos xxx
Hi Rowena, thank you!! This is exactly what I needed to hear. In theory, many of us know that perfection is impossible and often unhealthy for our mental health and well-being, but it is so easy to forget and then get lost in the chaotic habit of trying to be perfect out of fear that we are not enough. Lately I have definitely been suffering from pushing myself so hard and so far out of fear that I have been placed in my current circumstance because I was not enough to just inherently be in a "better place" in life. Needless to say, this has taken a huge toll on my mental health. Your video has helped me begin to snap out of it. So thank you, as always. Hope you're well!
you dont know how much i needed this, rowena. i'm a fresh grad who just started a contract job in a field completely unrelated from what i studied the past 3 years. 4 months into my job, i have recently been feeling 'not enough', as what you speak. With 0 knowledge and experience, i feel like my manager teaching me every step of the way feels like she's spoonfeeding me and rn i feel like 'if i was good enough i would be able to be better and help her out instead'. this made me feel super anxious and stressed as i open my work laptop every morning because i don't think im doing enough, but there's just only so much i can do. i want to achieve the very best, and if i don't i feel like someone will shoot me in the head (because its work, like it affects other people and not just me).
i admit that i always feel like i am inadequate in various aspects because of this. But after watching your video, i'll try my best to accept myself more, and just chill out :) done is better than perfect, being present and only focusing on what i can do to improve in the moment rather than what i can't change, i will try my very best to practice these mindsets to avoid feeling super anxious and stressed when there's no reason to feel so. thank you so much, rowena🥰
This video came into my feed just in time. I was near breakdown because of the situation with remote learning, pressure from external sources and things at home. "Enjoy the journey," is a concept I need to work on right now. I, too, was raised to believe that I wasn't enough. Thank you for this inspiring talk, Rowena. This really helped me right now.
i will forever be grateful for discovering rowena. as someone who has trouble getting through self help books, getting these messages through video has helped me IMMENSELY. thank u thank u thank u ro 😌💗✨
Was thinking about falling asleep and then I saw your video ! Love this I always have to remind myself that done is better than perfect and usually perfectionism is an act of resistance.
I think this is the best video you have ever made ! You are so clear and insightful and you have given me so much to think about. I wish I could have learned these things much earlier in my life, it would have saved me a lot of stress and pain. Thanks for sharing this information.
Yeah, Rowena is here 😊 Being too hard on myself is something I realized only 2-3 years ago, and I’m 52... Since then, I’ve been working on being kinder to myself, and realizing all I’ve done good in my life. Not perfect, but good. I will always remember when I watched Sharon Stone in an interview saying that she never got parts in movies or plays because she “overplaying” trying to be perfect. Her teacher told her she needed to play it down, and when she told herself she was good enough, she got the role in Basic instincts...
Rowena, ILY. I have "Done is better than perfect" written on a sticky note on my monitor. As an artist, I sympathize so hard, especially since my work is entirely visual. love you so much. ps, where is your blouse from?
Rowena, I was really moved by the things you shared about perfectionism. I'm still learning and growing to accept who I am, just the way I am. Thank you for being vulnerable and real. I really appreciate your honesty and sincerity in this video. You're sharing a message that everyone needs to hear.
THIS reminds me of Thandiwe Newton's Ted talk about " embracing myself" ! A must watch for everyone who hides themselves and wants to be seen as a certain somebody but not yourself
Perfection of excellence! I like that. It is about making things better in the end, not "perfect." The world is not perfect, and so are we. We just need to make decent improvements 🤝
thank you for this 🙏🏼 I need to definitely focus on progress than perfection! Since at work I spent too long on everything got behind & suffered burn out 😔 ended up having 8 weeks off work during 2020 and getting in to bouts of depression! Here’s to improving my habits 🥰 thank you for this video!
It is really helpful and encouraging to me when I hear RU-vidrs I look up to talk about their struggles when making videos. It makes me realize that I'm not a complete failure, that pretty much everyone feels these things, no matter how big or small. Also, "done is better than perfect" is something I need to remember. I have heard it before, but I need to actually repeat it over and over until I live that way.
Thank you Rowena, I needed to hear this. I’ve been stressing and going through episodes of sadness for a long while, cuz I’m writing my thesis. I’m a huge perfectionist and it’s really weighing me down emotionally. You just inspired me to overcome it 😊🙏🏽
I relate so much to what you said. I took 2 years and still working on my thesis. The amount of overwhelm is just unbelievable, I feel like a total failure yet I keep postponing because I'm afraid of not being enough. But I really had enough of all of that. I need a strategy that works, help!
Honestly what’s so hard about perfectionism is that I do it without even thinking I am. If I ever have a goal or a task before I’m done being given directions, I’ve already got a plan to be the best at it.
Thank you Rowena, I needed this. Everything you said describes me, which i realised even before this video, that it sometimes paralizes me and I fall into self pity and get nothing done. But I will use this great vid to help me move forward, starting with affirmations and trying to distance myself from the people who trigger it!!! Love all of your videos but this one really hit home. ❤❤ To everyone else: You can do this!! Stay strong and remember progress is progress!!!!😙😙
I actually love you right now. My perfectionism has been something that I used to think was gift, but it turned to a nightmare as I got older. Your video is literally what I needed this morning 😫🙏🏾💗💗
