Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Matt and Amy... Think what this parent did was fair?! Show your support (much appreciated): / twohottakes Full length Audio only episodes available on all podcast platforms!
NTA, the girl is still a fiance and the mom didn't say break up with her, she just wanted him to prioritize his education. Now he has a degree and the girl is going to benefit from him having a degree. Personally, the fact that she was immature enough to respond in such a way and in front of the family, not in private, just shows that she's not a mature individual.
I’m a true believer that you should not get marry until you can afford you own wedding, your own place and your own life. If you can’t do that, you are not ready.
In my country that isnt always possible most people have sucky jobs for most of our lives. My parents have been married 25 years and they have only been financially stable the last three years they only got a house when I was 6 years old. Its more about at least one of you having a job so not freeloading and learning to manage your finances. When my husband and I got married we where 23 and 21 we got a tiny little apartment and we walked to work it was not good and we had nothing our parents helped with the wedding. We are now 26 and 24 have a 1 1/2 year old and one one the way and we have made an offer on our first house life isnt always that easy its mostly luck.
Exactly, no matter how much I would want my own family with a happy relationship right now, I’m 19 and struggling to save up for my own apartment. I’m glad that I don’t want a marriage or baby until I am completely stable enough to do all of that.
@@caradanellemcclintock8178 I agreed life isn’t easy and I didn’t state it otherwise. In America people in their young 20 want to get marry and spend 20k - 30k on lavish wedding on their parents money. My fiancé and I have been saving up for 2 years to have a 30 people wedding because we don’t want to bother our family. We rather wait and be financially stable than relying on other people. And no it’s not easy for us and I know everyone circumstances are different but based on the OP post. I doubt these two kids were ready for anything especially financial.
@@sonokoful I get what you are saying but I think big extravigant wedding are a waste of money. My parents also insisted on helping us because they wanted us to have a proper wedding wewhere planning a cheap home wedding just with our families but they didnt like that. Dont get me wrong It was a nice wedding and we where happy but we spent a lot of time and mental energy trying to appease our parents for no reason. But like I said the OP didnt over step she gave advice once and the son took it no argument and he knew they still needed time and he had collage opertunities which we didnt we where already working
Honestly this take is a little blind to the fact that it can be far more expensive to live alone. And some cultures and situations the marriage of two families increases the chance of survival. There's also this expectations set for American's that you have to live independently. Like what is wrong with combining incomes for comfort and support? What's wrong with parents/siblings/spouses living together to lighten the burden?
NTA. Honestly the way "Fran" reacted in front of the whole family really says a lot about her. Didn't bother to discuss this in private with OP to at least see if she misunderstood her intentions. But she reacted so immaturely as if she never left her teens. Education is very important and she should've understood that going to college would mean fulfilling her fiance's dreams/giving him the chance to potentially get a stable career. By marrying right out of high school you're setting yourself up to be stuck with someone you may not want to be with a few years down the line because of different life goals/careers or because of how much they've really grown since their teens, if they did at all. People change, and that's a part of life. "Fran" doesn't seem to have grown up at all. Total 🚩🚩🚩 and I think OP's son should consider if she's actually the right one.
She definitely didn't handle that situation well at all. I'm also irritated that she is upset about him wanting to go to law school. A true partner would be supportive of your goals and do all they can to help you achieve them (speaking from experience). If my husband told me I couldn't go to graduate school, I don't think we'd still be together. He has been my rock these past 2 years! They still have plenty of time to get to that dream life she wants. AND they can do it a whole lot better when he becomes a lawyer. I'm not so sure about Fran.
Law school is VERY demanding though. Also the bar exam! Even date nights could be inconsistent until Dan graduates law school! I kinda started empathizing with Fran when I heard Dan wanted to take that career path. I do agree that the relationship may have run its course; Dan might need a girl who doesn't care about going out frequently.
She obviously wants the lifestyle, without the effort involved. The fact that she has no aspirations, beyond being a stay at home mom, when they don't have children and as I imagine OP's son, he won't feel comfortable having them at least until he graduates and is already practicing as a lawyer ( Between 6-10 years in the future). Tells me that the relationship is in trouble. She appears to be immature. Preferring the ideal of a lifestyle, than understanding that it takes sacrifices. Sacrifices such as, to maintain a household with a single salary, you need a good base salary that a higher education can give you (In the best of cases). But no, she believes that an 18 year old can support her without higher education in a small town (OP in a comment mentions that they live in a small town and that they are not upper class) Not to mention, she's actually being the stumbling block she accuses of being OP. Both for the relationship, and for the aspirations and ambitions of the one who she is supposed to love.
In the long run, the mom did both Fran and Dan a favor. Getting a college education will allow Dan to get a better job to support her and their future kids (if they want them). Plus let's be real, most high school aged relationships do not survive the jump between high school and college. Especially long distance. Dan's mom said she didn't know how serious the relationship was, and she was well within her rights to have doubts. Ultimately she just wanted what was best for her son. She didn't tell him to break up with his girlfriend, or not to marry her later, or even that he HAD to wait until he was graduated from college to propose. She said "wait a year or two at least". It was Dan who chose to wait until he'd graduated. Fran needs to get real.
If my partner told my that to my mom in front of family I would be single at the moment, no matter what. I think my parents must respect my partner and my partner must respect my parents
Fran needs to go to therapy, she's comparing herself to her highschool friends who got married and are currently living together. The Fomo to have her look at her mother in law like a villain proves she isn't mature enough for any of this.
@@DrawciaGleam02 Therapy is an ultimatum for me. If there is no safe space to do relationship maintenance, no matter if the ship is the Titanic, it will sink and it's so much harder to recover
@@L3onking True that. I think the relationship should end at this point. Dan might be better off with a more introverted girl who is fine with not going out often.....
@@DrawciaGleam02 I don't think introverted is the term you want to use since it's not about where she gets her energy from, it's her Envy and Jealousy of others that's making her toxic. She reminds me of those *two faced" people who are kind to your face but talk behind your back. She shouldn't be raising anything at this moment since she was fed the lie that a an average millenial can AFFORD the rent of a house, let alone have financial responsibilities like children and a stay at home parent (some live in nannies make 6 figures, so it makes even less sense why she would be so insistent on having kids with a high school diploma wage)
I think the mom had a point into saying that Dan is still young, I mean dude you’re like 17, ppl at that age don’t even know how to file taxes yet, you still got a lot of growing up to do (beside the point lol) anyway, i think the mom could have just put her 2 cents in without trying to bribe the son into doing that. A son/daughter is always going to take the advice of a parent into consideration if they love them. Also, I’m not too sure why Fran would be upset if bottom line she’s marrying the love of her life anyway??
Fran could have been raised to believe if your man doesn't propose after X amount of years, he's just stringing you along. And since OP is the one to advise him to hold off on marriage, Fran obviously assumed that OP didn't want the marriage to happen. I still don't know why he couldn't be married and getting an education after the wedding. It's not impossible....though the wedding would have to be cheap due to tuition expenses and all that.
Exactly! My issue is the bribing which honestly probably was a huge slap in the face to Fran no matter how you put it. It IS a bit offensive. The best route would have been sit both of them down and make the offer. Now, after he has the degree, I consider her level of involvement meddling more than anything. I think Fran is mainly upset because the mom keeps interjecting after the first hurtful thing with more ways to postpone- it sends a message of disregard and not wanting her in the family. As is fiancé, there is no reason plans should be treated with her as an afterthought or obstacle like they seem to be. It’s unfair and upsetting I’m sure.
@@DrawciaGleam02 that’s what I did! Best decision. We support eachother through college- right now I’m going, and he is working. We have our own home. No kids. Saving to move. I honestly think there is more to this. This is from the mom’s perspective, and, from what I can gather, she seems to have 1) a huge disconnect to her future DIL both personally and in relation to her son 2) somewhat of a disregard for their relationship and 3) an over involvement. Some of her wording struck me as odd, vague, or meddlesome.
I disagree with Morgan about “right person, wrong time”. I used to agree, but I met a lovely elderly couple who had dated in college. They ended up separating and losing touch. They married other people, started families with their spouses. They ended up divorcing around the same time after their children were adults and running into each other at the supermarket. The woman told me they were meant to raise families with other people and they love their step kids. They weren’t right at the time, but they’re right right now. I think it’s beautiful and I have viewed it differently ever since.
@@ringodax12 yeah, op is saying they believe in right person wrong time, while morgan doesnt believe in right person wrong time. So op and morgan have different views on the topic
So Fran wanted him to skip out on college to marry her, and she wants to be a stay at home mom…. Where did Fran think this money would come from? Did she think Dan would be offered a salaried job right out of high school without a college degree? That’s pretty freaking difficult
Omg it’s not like she said ‘I’ll pay for college if you dump her and never date her again’ she just said wait until after college. It’s not like it was 15 years it was 4 and they’re only 22! If it’s real it’ll last although it sounds like this girl might be a nightmare maybe son should get out while he can!
Would just like to say that this episode really helped me, my partner is in the Navy reserves and will be going on deployment for 12 to 18 months here in a few weeks. We own a house together and he is very much my best friend. The thought of him leaving honestly makes my heart ache. But hearing that your relationship prospered from a bit of separation and help you guys grow your communication and grow as people is very comforting to me. PS would really appreciate a military girlfriends/boyfriends episode and a military SO
my dad got married at 18, had me at 20 (turned 21 a wk later), had my brother at 23, and then my parents went through a tumultuous relationship of abuse, affairs, money issues, and a bitter divorce when he was in his early 30s (I was 11-13 throughout the process). he had chosen to get married rather than go to uni & I think that made him bitter, plus the way my mother treated him... it was honestly a sh*tshow. I'm happy they got married bc I'm alive from it, but I'm wise enough to know that if he'd chosen uni over his relationship, he'd have saved himself a lot of pain and aggro. also the girl doing that, twisting his words, and going off at her soon-to-be MIL at a family gathering is a huge red flag lmao
Anyone from my high school that I know who got engaged in high school or married right out of high school are no longer together. I know a few couples that are still together from high school waited till they were more settled to move-in together or get married.
Got married right of highschool. I think it’s not so much when- more what you said in the second bit: your own living space together. We had that from the get-go.
Mom was right. If it's meant to be, you'll last through college and can get married then. I also started dating my fiance when we were 16 and are getting married this year at 26! We've changed SO much since then. Luckily not apart, but we're completely different people now. I think it's a terrible idea to get married that early when you don't even know yourself.
Fran is being very selfish and only thinking about babies and playing happy families. Dan will be the one who has to fund their family and put food on the table. I think it’s wise of him to want to go to law school and set his family up for success. The way she is trying to set the mom up as somebody who was working against her instead of somebody who wants the best for their family down the road shows that she isn’t very mature.
This! She’s definitely letting baby fever cloud her thinking. Her being able to stay home as a mom is great but it only can come after this dude is able to get a career going and enough money to support the life she is wanting. Give it a minute girl. Also since she’s so marriage happy I’m guessing she wants a wedding - she could probably have a nicer one if she waits.
Law school is no joke though. The demand of schoolwork and exams could mean that even date nights could be inconsistent until Dan graduates! I think Dan may be better off dating a more introverted girl who doesn't care as much about going out for date night. Or someone going through law school like him who understands the pressures.
I think it’s more that she feels excluded and sort of plotted against. Why are there still discussions and decisions being had without her, the fiancé? I would too if I was constantly last to know about my partner’s new plan.
NTA: I think it’s perfectly reasonable to wait until either he or both are college graduates. She should be grateful that they can get married WITHOUT student debt. And honestly the way the Fran girl handled it instead of talking with your potential future MIL shows that she still has a lot to growing up to do. When it’s someone you love and someone who LOVES you, it doesn’t matter when you get married.
NTA. The girl is out of line to be mad about her fiance getting an education instead of getting married right off the bat. The son should really rethink his engagement. I'm a big advocate for expanding your education, so I would support my partner's desire of a higher education if I was in the same situation. I'm so glad that my bf pushed me to finish my degree because now I have my bachelor's.
I think Fran overreacted, because she and Dan are having problems. She's feeling unsure of her place in his life already, and so finding out what mom did just caused her insecurity to surface in an immature way. Frankly, she didn't handle it well, and it must have been easier to attack a perceived enemy than to handle issues within her relationship. Another problem is Dan (Where the Red Fern Grows vibes, lol). I think he proposed out of feelings of obligation, and now that he's facing the reality of marriage, he feels unsure. What did he gain from telling Fran what his mother said or even telling her his mother said it, years after the initial conversation he had with his mom? He obviously agreed with his mother, because he went off and finished school. He needs to take responsibility for the decisions he's made. He may not be aware of why he told Fran what his mother said to him years ago, but there is a domino effect that occurred in the retelling. I can't help but think that the ensuing drama allows him to blame someone else for a subsequent break up rather than facing the truth and breaking up with Fran.
Me and my husband married when I was 19 and he was 21. So damn young. We are incredibly lucky that our marriage has worked over the last 15 years, but I would never encourage my children to marry that young. That mom did the right thing, the girlfriend is completely out of line. I would’ve done the same thing as the mom.
It's the "evil hasn't won" for me.. I understand her feelings being a little hurt and her maybe interpreting it as paying him off.. but to act like the mom was some villain that just wanted to tear them apart.. nah
Mmm more common than you think😂 I think Danny boy did lie about it to place the blame elsewhere personally. Of course he wouldn’t tell OP that. No one just jumps to these conclusions. Why else would postponing not have caused the rift then that it is now? Now, he IS to blame because he had to ‘clarify’ with her what actually was said with his mom which wouldn’t have needed clarifying if he truly told her it ‘verbatim’.
I think Fran needs to have other goals in life she's not doing anything for herself she's just been waiting around in town to get married and have a baby. She can still do that but go out there and experience something else work odd jobs get some type of higher education u can't just fully depend on Dan. If she ever needed to work as a single mom or just cause of circumstances if all she has is a highschool degree she will have a very difficult time paying her bills. Dan going to law school is only unfair to her because she's only thinking of marriage and being a stay at home mom but law school will help their future and she needs to have something to look forward to that just involves herself
Agreed. SAHM is something, but I feel it shouldn’t be a ‘career path’. Like they said, passion-hobby-side job-classes. Life has seasons, and she should enjoy every one.
I don’t think she’s the Ahole but it was kinda sucky of the mom to say that she will only pay for the college if he doesn’t get married like many people go to college while married. But on the other hand 18 is too young the brain isn’t fully developed until 23-27
NTA. I went to highschool with a couple who was one school year apart. The older one, AFTER getting a scholarship to an ivy league college, decided to stay in our hometown and wait for the younger one to finish their senior year. Their relationship ended midway through and the older one lost their opportunity to go to an Ivy League school at a HIGHLY reduced rate.
I married my high school sweet heart in 2021 on our ten year. When I was in high school I thought I’d married younger than my age, but really am so grateful we waited. Lots of growing to do. What’s the rush anyways nowadays?
What I just heard was, “now that he can access bars, his loyalty will go out the window” and “you cannot go out, be yourself, and have fun without cheating on the person you love” like huh???
OP wasn’t the asshole till she dangled “if you don’t get married yet I’ll pay your tuition”. Call it what you want, but Bribe, extortion, and manipulation are the first things that come to my mind
I think Fran is a bit much and handled the situation wrong but also I wouldn't respect a mother in law who bribes my SO to not Mary me by threatening to not help financially, I also wouldn't respect my SO for listening/ accepting a bribe from mother in law
NTA My fiancé and I go engaged at 19 and are now 22. We aren't married yet because we know we need to finish school, find good jobs, move in together and get our life together before we get married.
I also don’t believe in “right person, wrong time.” If it really was the right person you would either make it work with them or get back together later down the line.
I understand why OP wanted her son to wait for marriage. I would want the same for my kids. Someone once gave me good advice, "make friends with the woman that could be the potential mother of your future grandchildren. It might be too late once the kids are born" Becareful of emotional incest. Getting married while in college might actually be a good thing. You would no longer have to claim your parent's income for the family contribution, possibly giving you more financial aid.
My parents were high school sweethearts. My husband and I were high school sweethearts (newly weds, we're both 20). My mom moved away for college but ended up dropping out to finish her degree at a local university in order to come home and marry my dad. They have a very happy marriage, going on 30 years, but my mom has always regretted moving colleges and my dad has always regretted asking my mom to come home instead of moving up with her. When it was clear that my husband and I were getting serious after we graduated high school, my parents had a talk with both of us to discuss that we needed to prioritize our dreams. Though I was still able to pursue my dreams while getting married young, I am so thankful my parents discussed that with us. It made me understand that finding your true love doesn't automatically equal happily ever after. If you give up your dreams without truly being ready to give them up, it doesn't matter that you gave them up for the love of your life. It creates regret and bitterness. Though I understand marriage take compromises and putting others first, you shouldn't have to sacrifice yourself to get married. If OP had gotten married and his wife had refused to move to college with him, that would have been a point of contention in their marriage. Maybe not immediately, but at some point. Though I understand why finding out that's why they didn't get married may be hard for her, waiting is likely going to make their marriage stronger.
As a former SAHM, don't do it. You lose independence, your kids won't remember the thousands of things you do for them but will remember the one thing others do. Plus your kids will tell you about what the other working moms do with admiration.
As the child of one who has a doctorate.... Everyone's experience is different and I am more than grateful for what my mom did for us. Our entire family success bus based on her support so if it's the life someone wants to cultivate it is a choice like all others
Agreed somewhat. You will definitely feel taken for granted and closed off. My MIL is a SAHM since 15, and she definitely feels some of those things. Told me so once. I think she wouldn’t have done it any other way, but she was in it since 15, so I don’t imagine she would know what it is like. I am a SAHW working on a degree, and I can definitely tell you I thought my future would be SAHM, but I got a part-time job to earn myself a bit of respect from the in-laws and let’s just say I’m definitely a working girl. Can’t picture staying home now- I love having a reason to be out, something that needs me, and something I’ve accomplished undeniably as housework is a bit invisible to others.
NTA she wanted the best for her son n he was about to turn down college offers to marry his high-school love. Id want the same for my son. No one was saying dont ever marry the girl just make sure u have ur self set up in life. If it wouldnt have worked he wouldve resented the fact she made him turn down college for her n passed up on a future
i lowkey don’t think fran’s a bad person she probably just felt that his mom took him away from her granted that’s not what happened but i think it was probably out of emotion? regardless though the mom made the best decision
This! Fran is concerned OP was meddling in the relationship. OP might have been right, but this plan has put her on thin ice with Fran IMO. Another stunt like this and OP could end up uninvited from her son's wedding. And if Dan & Fran break up, Fran will likely blame OP. And I have no doubt she would tell this to everyone she knows. Meaning that it could be harder for Dan to find a new partner in his hometown because other women might distrust OP because of what she did.
This is a prequel for a Hallmark movie in the making. Small town boy leaves town with bigger dreams, small town girl works at a bakery. He needs to leave and live, if she still wants him, she could follow and figure it out. Or in the dream Hallmark world he comes back rich and marries her anyway and saves her struggling family bakery. I vote for the former, the latter rarely happens.
I think its fine if people want to get married in their early 20s it works for some people my husband and I got a hard time from our parents about it to the point ehere they where trying to sabotage our relationship. We are happily married and waiting for our second kid. But if you are choosing between marrying and doing something that could benefit both of you long term like collage or an internship its right to slow down think about will you be long distance how busy will you be. My friends got married and they are in med school they are able to do it so its not impossible. If you are a parent make a suggestion to your adult child thats fine and if they listen to you great but dont nag at them about it and dont try to poke holes in their relationship it will just put distance between you and your kid and make them resistant. Rhey are adults and they arnt stupid but even 30 year olds make mistakes and they learn from it. However that being said this OP is not in the wrong she gave a suggestion and the son had no reason to disagree with her so he took her advice she didnt overstep though.
I agreed about halfway through. I think bribery is more than a suggestion. And continuing conversations about couple disagreements, schooling, doubts… are too intrusive in my opinion. I think one of the biggest things that hit hard for me was that she said he is now ‘uncertain’ after speaking with OP, so she will show him the thread. She wants to drive her choice home. She is nagging in my opinion. She is not letting the couple resolve on their own. I don’t believe she wants him to get married yet.
The way she acted? Sis is not ready for marriage still. After high school people change. I know a couple how got married right after they graduated and had a baby and not they are divorced. He cheated.
I think there's very little difference between living together for several years and then breaking up or being married for several years and breaking up so I don't understand why people don't just get married. You're not really saving yourself the heartache breaking up later either way and you're missing out all the tax benefits
As someone who was engaged to the wrong guy, thought about marriage with a 2nd guy, and finally met my Mr. Right. I agree about the right person at the right time. My now husband and I had so many chances to have met before we did and grateful we met when we did. OPs son is not in a good relationship. Fran seems very controlling and not willing to support her partner in his abilities to support them going forth. Why is she so gung-ho about getting pregnant and starting a family especially from such a young age?! It makes me think that she's wanting to hog tie him so he can't escape her ever.
Amen on the right person, right place, right time. If I had gotten with my partner when we first got together in our early 20s it would have been a disaster!!
If he REALLY wanted to marry her then, he more than likely could have found a way to appease his mom by going to college AND marrying her. And as a partner, if his mom said "wait and I'll pay for college", I'd be completely on board.
I wouldn’t but that is just me. My husband and I got married right after high school. If his family had told him that after everything I did with them, him, I would have been hurt and offended. We got married and are going to college together. Otherwise, I don’t think his mom wants him married yet. She seems to want to convince him out if it IMO.
I strongly disagree with a lot you have to say. Relationships and happiness don’t fall into your lap. You should not meddle with other people relationships because it’s the opinions of loved ones that skew the young mind and it’s power manipulation of the parent to control their children and who they are with
NTA. She wasn’t saying don’t marry Fran. She was saying to wait until he finished school and was ready for marriage. If he had married her so young and didn’t go to college, they would struggle as young low wage workers and life would have been way too difficult for two people so young and naive.
Morgan, I disagree with your opinion on the universe never putting your right person in your life at the wrong time. People will often meet at a young age and they might not be in the right frame of mind to stay together. Friends to lovers is a trope for a reason as well! You’ve read plenty of stories where people are friends for years and then get together. I also know a lot of older people who led lives with other people and when those relationships ended, reached out to a high school sweetheart and married them 20 plus years later. Love the pod 💕 wish I had the balls to run over my high school boyfriend 😜
I think personally it’s different for everybody, . My husband and I have lived together since we were in the 9th grade. We are both now 25, we celebrated three years married last December and had a daughter in March 2020. I feel so blessed to have found that type of connection so early in life. No regrets 💕
Fuance should be thanking the mom. Do you know how hard it is to find a good job with only a high school diploma? She just help your future family avoid a whole lotta hardships. But wait if he did stay and get married was she gonna put a pause on her life goals to be with him too or was he the only 1 expected to make this sacrifice
Honestly. It is a choice. Most often, college or marriage is the make/break choice for highschool sweethearts. Partially, because they want to travel for college and partially because everyone wants to marry AFTER college. I do think it was unfair of the mother to put that choice in front of him alone- it’s more of a relationship discussion in a serious relationship. My husband and I married right after highschool, and I go to college semi-locally (hour from home), and he works as an EMT. However, Fran does sound very immature however supportive she is of him schooling (somewhat). She handled this the wrong way. It doesn’t seem as though she’s really even ingrained in his family which raises a flag for me? Highschool sweethearts generally are very involved in the family and would therefore be sat down together for an option like this. My father discussed our future plans with my husband and I before we were engaged. We discussed it with his parents as well. I will say, this is from the mom’s perspective, so we don’t know how 1) insensitive her wording may have been or 2) how dismissive she may be towards their relationship and commitment. Personally, when we discussed with my MIL after about 2 something years of us dating when we’d like to get married, she offended me by saying she thought we were rushing to ‘canoodle’. Those kind of things stick. It demeaned the love and loyalty and commitment I had to her son, my seriousness and earnest in that choice, and how I felt I was viewed within the family. Many factors are unaccounted for in this, but, ultimately, I don’t really think the mother should have completely involved herself in a make or break decision that could show a disinterest in what the couple has together. If they get married, this will stick for both sides. Fran was completely inappropriate, but I also think she probably felt highly disregarded and excluded from what she felt is her future husband’s life. Also, why do they have to wait now? I don’t get the mentality that you can’t be married in college? It does seem mom is overreaching a bit, but I suppose I would too if I was so disrespected and embarrassed. She is overly involving herself and wording like “we will be handling this together” in response to his relationship disagreement is a bit unsettling in my opinion. Best not to stir the pot, I think. To me, the mom seems a bit disconnected to what attachment this couple may have to be considering married so young and is meddling a bit. She also seems to be excluding the fiancé from conversations about their future. Maybe not intentionally, but it will only cause trouble.
kids nowadays is so lucky to have a mom like this..i really want to go to school but we cant afford it.so i work the age of 15 already..so now im happy my children love to go to school.
NTA the mom said WAIT on getting married not DONT get married, not only that they've been dating for lets say a year and a half at most two, that is two fast especially when they are growing minds, they need to see what its like to live together what their habits are and how their dynamic changes when living together. she offered to pay his tuition so when he and her were truly ready he and her would be finically ready and educationally ready, and it allows them to get that time to understand what works for them, so they are ready to do this together and so they don't end up in a unhappy marriage and a divorce. Fran was very immature to not only bring this up to the family but to twist the words of the mother and the son to get her way and create a terrible narrative. this mother sounds very supportive and understanding as well as well educated to see where this would be going. after 4 years it seems Fran has learned nothing but to bitch and whine.
I mean maybe she is passionate and enjoys work at the bakery for now and plans to be a stay at home mom later. But yeah everything else I’m on board with what y’all say
Honestly this girl was way out of line. Maybe she took it personally, as in this guy's mom didn't want him to marry HER. But if I had a son or daughter wanting to marry straight out of high school, I would have the same stance as the mother and this is coming from someone who married their highschool sweetheart. My partner wanted us to move together straight out of high school, but I said no. As hard as it was to make this decision, it was honestly the best decision I ever made. I went to college, he did his own thing. We had the opportunity to grow more into our own, learn a thing or two about ourselves before committing to something as serious as a marriage. The thing is, we both aren't the same people we were back then when we first met, and the fact that we could grow and still have a common ground is what kept us together. There's no rush. This ain't the '30, you don't have to be married at 18. You're still just a child at that age.
I have to disagree regarding the timing of a relationship. Sometimes we meet the right person it's just we're not ready. Morgan I realize that you're young and you definitely have some more things to learn because no one knows everything at any age. So please understand that everyone situation is different and give people a little bit more Grace regarding their specific situations.
Damn fran gave no Fcks😳😳😳 I could have never done that to my future MIL! maybe if she was toxic yes. But she just wanted her son to wait. & she's kinda mad about him going to law school? She's giving red flags
If I married the guy I dated in HS and college I would be divorced. Him and I couldn’t be more opposite now and I only know this bc we met for a drink back in 2017 right before I met my now husband
I mean, the girl STILL has alot of growing up to do if thats how she responds infront of so mnay people. Waiting for marriage wasnt just for the son's benefit...it was for her benefit too. She wanted to be a stay at home mom and that would have been difficult if he married straight out of high school.
I see nothing wrong here NTA. She wanted her son to have a degree and good head on his shoulders before marriage. She also was looking out for him as a mother to make sure he was 100% she was the one. I would have the same talk with my kids.
Oh poor Fran. She had to wait a few years to get married and now she gets to marry a guy with a secure future 😒 Seriously, you don’t know if what you’re feeling is even love until you’ve been together a few years. NTA, Franny needs to grow up I hope she’s working too, otherwise she’s profiting off a situation her MIL helped bring about while talkin a lot of smack about her.
Why are people so eager to marry this day and age at such a young age…only after A year and you wannna commit to this person for the rest of your life? Experiment around first before saying this is the one….you marry the person and then what? Nothing has changed except your last name…everything moves on and your life is still the same daily….life isn’t gonna stop and make it magical for you…if after a year and someone proposes to me, that’s a heeeell no…we gotta work on where our life is going and if you’re actually the one I wanna be with
Most people take out loans. Nobody is entitled to anyone else’s money, if she wanted to offer the money for college conditionally then that’s her right. And if he thinks he’s grown enough to get married he should also be grown enough to pay his own way through school without mommy’s help. Fran has just proven that his mother was right to ask them to wait, and she still didn’t mature enough.
I think Dan should follow his heart if the love feels right than it feels right and nothing should stop him if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be But idk maybe I’m wrong I’m a hopeless romantic who has no game so what do I know
NTA !! She only wanted the best for her son and she was right. Also why do people want to get married so fast? I don't get it? It's just fucking papers lol I get the symbolism but you can have that later rifht? What's the rush? It turned at perfectly too. They went to college and they stayed together they didn't Need to get married so early? Especially if it meant Not going to college, which IS very important. The DIL didn't have to say that. It was so unnecessary... Just be happy your BF graduated, he proposed, everything is fine.
It wasnt the mom being malicious towards her or her intention to break them up. She was happy for them getting engaged. But the fiance made her out to be this monster in law and thats not it. But if I was the mother. Id definitely want an apology cause thats not right....
If Fran wants to be a stay at home mom, why would she want to get married right away and have her love give up college? Not only was is something he wanted to do, but he was given multiple great options, AND the extra income from that degree would help make sure they could afford for her to be a stay at home mom. Him going to college would be the best thing for the both of them!
