Top 3 Myths About Marriage Everyone Believes 

I believe once a cheater always a cheater. .

as well you should! but if that person is willing to change and you see the change in their attitude, their respect towards you, and their commitment to the relationship, it is possible to rebuild. and it is a long process. but worth it

Chances of a cheater cheating again are I'd say about eighty five percent. But for any of you out there who have been cheated on and stayed with your woman, Let me explain something to you. You will never ever fully trust her again! Been through all that c*** already. When a woman cheats on you it is the ultimate disrespect and betrayal that she could possibly do to you. Never take her back

Meeee toooo! Good heavens. You just couldn’t, ever, no matter what, ever put it out of the back of your mind. And soul mates is such a idiotic idea, sorry. Even if they never cheated again, I can see what they’re saying, but how could you ever be sure? It’s hard enough to be absolutely trusting WITHOUT a proven cheat, you know?🤷‍♀️

@@omar-uu8qo Or a man, Omar. Either way is horrible,and it very hard to trust your spouse.

How do you know David never cheated again and your wife is not cheating on you now? (for sure)

@@orangeandslinky you don't know. But I'm pretty confident that David in the Bible didn't. God knew his heart, his imperfection and his reasons. It was really terrible what he did but no-one is perfect. Saying that, many couples never cheat when both are reasonably healthy emotionally and mentally.

@@matilda4406 according to women's videos they love cheating and love bragging about it. God gave King David more than one wife and was mad at him for taking a woman who was the wife of just one husband. You being "pretty confident " means absolutely nothing at all.

@@orangeandslinky ok Orangepeel. Yes a lot of people cheat today, a lot of people are nasty horrible people. But not everyone is that way

King David had multiple wives and maaany concubines on top. Yeah, he didn't "cheat", but he was definitely "sleeping around" by our definitions.

I'm sorry this happened to you, if it were not for the kids, you could have left because your husband, but you made the right decision staying for the kids, putting them first, too many broken households today and its sad to see how the kids of broken families turn out late in life. Sorry you had to go through that and best wishes.

He cheated again but learned from getting caught and was more cautious with the other women.

Am happy For you, but it's not easy. God must have step in for you all this time.

In Jesus name Amen! I shall be praying for you and your family for continued mercy, discernment, love and fullfillment!

Yeah my husband cheated too, found out about a year ago right before our 22nd anniversary. I’m here at least until our youngest finishes school. As of right now I doubt I will stay but who knows. I do love him, rather I love who I thought he was. Unfortunately he was never the man I thought he was. That’s the thing if they loved us they would not have even wanted to be intimate with another person let alone actually made the choice to be. No way do I want to be in the 70’s with a cheating senile husband.

Exactly, and what is the worst thing is, the cheater is not getting punished for the crime that he/she did. But instead get rewarded back to that marriage. I do think that it is possible, that a person that cheated one time, may never do it. But when that person cheated on someone, he/she lied, disrespected, deceived and used that person.if they want to leave someone and have an affair with someone, they can simply divorce or break the Relationship, if they can't work with it. The fact that they are even trying to justify by saying that there are many different reasons for cheating, it is like saying there are many different reason for raping. Of Course no crime happens without a reason, and nothing justifies this crime. The cheaters usually do that, because they want to keep one option in their hand. Like how we don't move on to another job, before securing a new and better one. And meanwhile this cheater just keeps using the victim. And if they don't find someone better, they return back to the person. They talk about divorce and breakup, once they get caught. They don't do that before cheating though. It is unforgivable. The people who forgive cheaters in relationships, simply let other potential cheaters know that they can get away with it.

FOOL me Once Shame on YOU... FOOL me TWICE. There AIN'T NO SECOND TIME..

Says the one who had absolutely nothing to do with it in their mind

Yep. There comes a time when you may have to cut your losses and move on. You'll always be wondering "when next" as time goes on with each unexpected delay home, home absence, etc. Not worth the anxiety.

No

Debbie, I agree.

The forgiven person has a lot to be grateful for, it's like a second marriage, and that is why he or she will do the best with a strong energy to prove everything and love to the other spouse.

I hear you there! I experienced a dastardly decade in an abusive marriage, because I thought it was always my place to forgive and give them the benefit of the doubt. Well, I finally discovered that this definitely doesn't work when One is married to a narcissist.

@@christinaheath3442 God bless and keep you away from the narcissist! My experience was with one too.

You get your needs and wants from your wife. You have your answer. You are very lucky and are in a sound relationship

@@laurawalker546 the way things are now, with the degradation of basic morals we are lucky to have each other. Being fairly happily married 20 years with my two sons living with BOTH parents, is the way it should be but rarely is anymore

Someone gives up on trying to get their needs met inside the marriage. They do not communicate, or communicate strongly enough their needs to their partner and perhaps find it easier to find it with someone else new. Sad how common this is ...

Don't believe anyone goes into a marriage with intentions to cheat.Find it hard to understand the mindset of some Christians.We can repent and be forgiven for every single but infidelity?

I’ve always thought this too

yes, they are giving TERRIBLE advice on adultery

Cut your losses. S/he has already shown what they are and capable of. Trust will never be fully restored and the cloud will follow your thinking 'til the end.

I need a serious man white

​@@CynthiaAlorney-kh8hq I'm sure you do

Whatever you do don't get married. Sadly it's about the most foolish thing any man could do in the west

Nicely said it 👍

"Curing Cheaters" is a misnomer. Only the person can change themselves, and they must want to change.

What about Gene testing

Good brother. I made the mistake of forgiving once. Because of the delusion. Punished for that. Never ever forgive or stay with a cheater.

If you believe what God's Word says, then that is bad advice friend. "With man it's impossible, but with God ALL things are possible". No intention to offend, but God is WELL ABLE to put an end to your fable! People limit God too much, but we are really limiting ourselves to TRULY BELIEVE and TRUST HIM. Why? Cause we are really not RENEWING our mind. How do we do that? The WORD of GOD. When? EVERYDAY. He's the King of the Universe. He is the Master Potter and were little clay pieces! It's nothing for Him! WooWoo! 🙌 No, for all the nations of the world are but a drop in the bucket. They are nothing more than dust on the scales. He picks up the whole earth as though it were a grain of sand. Isaiah 40:15 NLT

I agree with you. That's one line you don't cross.

Yes, and also usually one person for whatever reason cannot handle conflict and face the issues head on.

You are an amazingly good person. Karma knows!!

@@enjoylifesteve3925 God Bless you! 🙏

God Bless YOU!! And, BTW, Happy Mothers Day if you are a Mom!!

1st time heart atk, 2nd time cancer, 3rd time death??? lol

@@dian277 heart attack was after 2nd time, and this is not the 3rd, I always forgive him but now I'm kind of make up my mind even he said he only like talking to the woman not love her, they are doing it online as they live in different country.

I agree with you the pool is more way more deeps than it looks from distance

I totally agree with you. It's only a mistake if you didn't realize you were doing it.

Cheating on one side, comes with whole forgiveness from other.

@@iratyul5453 I'll forgive, but that doesn't mean I have to stay

I like to think that soul mates are made, not found. It's the willingness to pursue a lifelong relationship, put in the effort, and stick together through thick and thin that makes you soul mates instead of just happening to find each other and expecting everything to be perfect.

You are correct ... sort of. When it is stated as a scientific fact "Once a cheater, always a cheater", then it's false, and a myth, even if generally true. If it's stated as generally true: "Once a cheater, usually a cheater", then it's true and not a myth.

@@guygifford is it most widely stated as scientific fact? I think anyone who says it would quickly admit that there are exceptions to it. Either way I agree with tour statements

If it was with the same person, I agree it can happen again. If all ties are not cut the chances are very high it will be rekindled. I know from experience.

@@TM_Stone yep, same person from 3 years ago . A co worker

@Gandalf TheWise what does AP mean?

Your wife was keeping you as an option, just in case The AP was not better than you, or the AP don't provide any opportunity for her. You have been treated like a job. Like how we keep one job in hand, till we find a better one. I was treated the same way as well. They wilk only come back to you, if they are sure that you are better than their AP. Never accept these trashes. I know how you felt.

I don’t blame you. You are married to an immature and selfish man. A super turn off.

Yes Joyce I have felt the same way. One doesn’t look at their spouse the same way. I don’t desire him the way I use to. Having a drink of alcohol before the “act” helps to relax me and forget about the hurt. I’m still married after 42 years. Marriage can be a sacrifice at times for both partners.

Yeah, hopefully they won't hurt anybody in the future and maybe they will even have a relationship in which they are faithful to their spouse, but I do not believe it could successfully take place in the relationship with the person they cheated on, because they cheated for a reason- they weren't satisfied with the person they chose to marry and they didn't love and respect them enough not to cheat.

Key word "can" ,it is possible, but not likely

This is bs. Who is supposed to be in charge over it and how do you want to measure the individual circumstances? Every human being needs to do this for himself. *There must never be a totalitarian authority, who decides over somebody's human value.*

Once a cheater always a cheater is a credit score mentality..people change and grow..credit scores take forever to change....heart to heart communication and transparency is the way to go..just sayung

As you get farther into and get serious about making a life long relationship it may become one of the discussions you should end up having. Proper use of credit isn’t bad, but the habitual use of it is bad. You can have a great score and not be healthy in your money life. Literally the only major use of credit should be a home that you quickly pay down to even clear that debt. Debt enslaves people and is a risk not worth taking. There are other exceptions like in business using a loan to move to the next level, but that even should be done with caution so you don’t crash your business

I second this opinion. Something people don't seem to get is that credit scores isn't some type of income score. It's a score that roughly shows how well you handle your debts. I'm poor and my credit score is near perfect. 780ish. I've met lawyers with credit scores so bad they can't get financed for a car. Yeah the score can't account for everything. For example if you have a million dollars in your mattress then you can pretty much use credit in such a way that to the system would make you appear irresponsible and your score will tank. But in general it does a decent job. There's also quirks that would make people point out as proof of it being bad. Like spending 800 of a 1000 limit and the score dropping 30 points. Well the thing is firstly the score will go back when you pay it off. Second, in general it's not a good idea to make a habit of nearly maxing out your credit anyway. People needs to accept that this score is a rough reflection on how they handle obligations. These obligations are financial and have legal backing so if you're not taking them seriously and doing everything possible to fulfill them then what hope do obligations have if they have nothing to back them? I had the worst score possible in 08. I was 60k in debt and couldn't find work. It was so bad I was taken to court. That experience changed my life. When I finally found work several months later it was for min wage and as the debts kept growing from interest it felt hopeless. But I did it. Threw my entire paycheck into that hole while buying only the bare essentials and moving back with family. And I had to make HUGE changes to my life to do it but it was done. And the entire time making below the national average. Now years later I have almost as much in savings as I had in debt. I will only buy things if I have all the money for it already. I can't remember the last time I didn't have all the money saved for a purchase. My life is so much less stressful now and I'm only ever reminded whenever I hear about someone stressing over getting a few hundred dollars for something important and feeling kinda shocked for a moment wondering how that's an issue for them. So yeah if you're a man and you have options then a credit score is a reasonable thing to ask for. Don't worry, a high score is a really straight forward thing to achieve. It's not like we're asking for something that's impossible for you to change like how tall you are....lol not sure who would care about something like that. Seems like something a shallow person would value.

Hey Big Phil, so sorry to hear you are going through this. Because of the complexity of this situation, we would strongly advise you reach out to us directly! You can call us at 1 (866) 903 0990 and be connected with one of our Client Representatives who will guide you to the best resources we have available for your situation. You can also schedule the call yourself for a time that works best for you by following this link: marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/ We look forward to speaking with you directly if you will allow it!

@Gandalf TheWise - With that reaction, if you got back together you could count on her continuing to shop around. Be happy you learned now, don’t look back, and move on with your own life. Assuming you have children don’t tell them why you are divorcing. If STBX tries to poison your relationship with the kids, simply tell them the two of you have irreconcilable differences, you will always be Dad and always love them. Tell them it’s personal, you can tell them her claims are false but also tell them you love them too much to bad mouth their mother to them. Kids generally see through BS, but need to be made to feel safe. It’s not their fault...

I am sorry you feel this way. God loves is the most beautiful loves we can all find and he can help you to find the one.

praying for healing. "Healing with Jesus is a journey". - Joy T Mendoza

Do you have children?

@@KumariKumari-fw7nc , Yes. They are mostly grown up now.

@@alexanderlapp5048 I too didn't see it coming, but should have. I didn't think she was capable of such a thing. I no longer want to even touch the "filthy rag" the rare times it is necessary we meet up. I really feel at peace in my very peaceful rural, and quiet abode. I do what I want when I want. No stress, no hassle, no drama! Life is great.

People today are lovers of themselves and they only think about what they need. I found that in marriage as well. Older women get the right end of the deal. I don’t even know what true love is anymore because older men want younger women

My advice is to find a way to let him have you. We only live once. There will come a time when nobody wants us in that regard. Only a husband is suited for that activity in the first place.

@Gandalf TheWise i thought men hate it when women fake it

I'm so sorry to hear about you getting divorced after so many decades that's heartbreaking.

And we don't as women know the half of what is going on with our bodies ... I had a period of time where I felt truly dead inside. At the age of 50 ... men and women need to get schooled in all this because it is a shock and it is a rough few years because of the changes in the body, and even the games or tricks to our minds.

"He better be working" "What, I don't even know my credit score?!"

What's wrong with wanting to know credit score?

Hello honey

@@mariemunzar6474 I actually agree.

Exactly

In reality it's hard to prove one way or the other, since most subscribe to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" myth.

Not really

Absolutely that happened to me as well

Wow that's a very interesting question. In many of our courses, we discuss how someone can be attracted to someone who either contradicts their own beliefs and values, OR they can become attracted to someone who has an even higher set of beliefs and values than their own. We are adding this question to our list of future video content to film. It sounds like Dr. Beam may be able to shed even more light on the subject. Sorry to hear you are going through this, but the first thing you should be doing is what we tell most people. Focus on your PIES! Focus on becoming the most attractive you can be physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually for your age and situation in life.

There’s no such thing as a cheater leaving for a soul mate. The cheat didn’t learn their lesson and just hop straight into another relationship. You do changing OUTSIDE of a relationship. Not inside one. So the cheat hasn’t learnt any new lessons and just takes all of the baggage they had in their previous relationship straight into the new one. No downtime. Eventually, the cheat will just get bored and cheat again. Even with a so called soulmate.

@@thewilder-side2990 It did not just happen. You decided to do it.

Some people bring out the best in us, some do not. What people really are eventually comes out with time, no exceptions.

There's a lot of things you'd do in a marriage that you think you'd never do. Depends on your circumstances.

It's a good thing God doesn't have that attitude, as per the book of Hosea.

You got trust issues. You came by them honestly... but they are *your* trust issues that *you* must deal with. Its not the other persons responsibility... even though it may be their fault.

Agree 100%

You might be surprised. I will admit this was in 2011 last I heard, but I remember reading from a study that was conducted with divorced people. They found out that in the majority of the situations where the wife cheated, the husband sought after redemption/forgiveness in the marriage; not divorce. But in the majority of the situations where the husband cheated, the wife divorced him and drained him for all he was. Makes you wonder. IDK what it is today, but I know one thing. Our western society incentivizes women to get divorced, because they are many times set for life without the "headache" of having to be selfless in your marriage.

You are a cheater I would assume, let your next option know that, before you make him, invest his time on you.

sometimes they do. The only thing they regret is getting caught.

Just most, And that needs to be pointed out as well

I didn't get caught. I told the truth and left because I knew I didn't deserve that person anymore. I do regret my choice. What was I thinking. But i am a fair person and wouldn't drag on a relationship in untruthfulness.

Marriage is about the dumbest thing any man could ever do on a simple cost benefit analysis

@@fredstriker2042 What about men who will advance economically by marrying a woman who earns more than him and comes to the marriage with assets? For example, I own my own home, and live in a marital property state. As soon as I marry and commingle funds with my husband, adding him to my bank accounts, he automatically becomes half owner of my house which I currently own 100% myself. He doesn’t own a home prior to marriage, and now suddenly he owns half the home with no real investment.

Why do so many women want it to be over?

@@orangeandslinky probably because their partner does not respect them or honor their wishes

@@elaineshiffer6929 We know for sure that is not men's thinking at all.

Since sin is sin would you recommend the same for all? Is repentance acceptable for every sin but infidelity?

@@barbararichardson2747 is not about the sin aspect of it, it is about causing severe emotional and psychological damage to another person done another way this is felony Abuse. Not to mention its breaking not just a religious oath but also a legally binding contract. In any other case violation of a legal contract means you forfeit any claims you had. And doing so not only harms the spouse but also harms the children! If we wanted to make this a religious argument I personally believe if you cheat on a spouse you should be put to death but we cannot rule our society on religious beliefs as we are a nation with freedom of religion so as we don't all share the same beliefs we cannot rule in that manner. I also believe the parents of the cheater should be the ones to do it.

and she is in her 60s? Wonderful. I guess she is a lost cause. But dude, what are you doing with a 60-something year old woman?

My older unattractive husband continuously cheated on me, I kicked him out…. Cheaters are cheaters regardless of age or looks

What I mean is that it's about statistics, probability, and the best predictor of future behavior being past behavior. What else is there to go on?...

Also, anyone who says it's not true is probably more likely to be a cheater, lol. Why else would you sympathize, unless you've been targeted for love bombing by one. Then cognitive dissonance kicks in hard.

some do repent and change, but it is RARE

@@LHP069 "unattractive" is relative. unattractive to you maybe attractive to others. Besides, i get the vibes you may have contributed to his cheating on you with the way you were quick to describe him with such a word. Maybe you made him feel so unwanted and unappreciated and that opened him up for temptation. Just thinking aloud though.

Mysterious 😊😉

Who says the number one cause of divorce is money issues? I will like to check the source.