Torturing yourself over a loss? Good! 

Came for an answer - left with a conceptual toolkit to deal with general problems in life!

Failing without dying is a gift and over the course of human history a comparatively rare thing. Make the most of it, let the "you could have died" rumination (which is there to make sure you don't end up in exactly the same situation again) be a motivator. Fantastic advice, Ramsey. Thanks.

I lost my first BJJ match and it was mainly because my fitness sucks. I was actually winning. I felt shame and from that moment I took that loss personal and improved my fitness, improved my arsenal. Then when I hit the wall I learnt to really just enjoy training and that was the eureka moment that blesses my training and I really started to improve continuously and cross training going back to muay thai and freestyle kung fu.

I feel so honored to have the first comment. all my hardwork and dedication has paid off. Getting the first comment has been a dream of mine for many years, and I never thought I could of accomplished this but here I am. I would like to thank those who have helped me along the way. First and foremost I would like to thank Jesus, The Lord our savior for blessing me with this wonderful opportunity. Next I would like to thank my parents. I would like to thank the neighbors dog for always being there for me when my own dog would run away from me. I would also like to thank my pet tadpole, for surviving against all odds for over a week. next I would like to thank the squirrel in my backyard for climbing trees because it gives me the inspiration I need to get through the day. I also wanna thank my teachers for preparing me for this day. this is a special moment in my life and I would like to thank any unmentioned friends or family that have helped me along the way. this moment will be a moment I never forget. I just remembered a few other people I would like to thank, the fish I caught in 3rd grade, my bed because with out it I would be laying on the floor, the light in my room because it helps me see so I can write this speech. my house because without it I would be homeless. and last but not least I would like to thank all the people who took the precious time out of their day to read this. I cannot stress of how much this means to me. I have been trying to be the first comment on a post for years, but that has been impossible until this amazing day. hopefully my good luck will continue on this undoubtfully rare occasion, maybe even a million followers. If u ask me how I did this I would say, you can do anything you set your mind to. to all the kids out there reading this, I would like to tell them to follow their dreams and they can make anything happen. being the top comment is a real honor and foreveryone who has read this whole thing, thank you and God bless.

The funny thing about fighting is whenever someone else has won that means someone else has lost, how you deal with it is what matters.

Coming from a wrestling backround its always been about the effort if you tried your absolute hardest and you really gave it all you got you’d never leave a contest feeling lost or empty

This usable across many sports. Don't focus on a single mistake. Understand what went wrong and use it as a teachable moment. Losses should eat at you. They should piss you off. My highschool football team ended up losing one game during my junior year. It pissed us off so much, we beat the piss out of every team we faced afterwards and won state. Even faced the earlier team we lost in the playoffs for some sweet revenge.

I went in my first Muay Thai tournament last year with the mindset of "I'm just gonna feel the mood and have fun". First fight was interesting and pretty fun, it felt like a hard sparring but I never felt in danger. I won this one. Second fight however was a very different mood. Dude came to kill me. I could feel his angression and anxiety in his punches. I was overwhelmed. I knew I was better technically all the coaches told me afterward that I should've win but... I froze... It's a tough feeling. And now I'm more anxious for the fights to come than I was before my first fights ! I'm also more agressive in training, I endure more, because I don't want to get beat up again. So I think it's a good feeling, I use the loss to train harder. But honnestly I'm not even sure I want that smoke again ^^

That's how i got good actually, sat through those obsessive thoughts of how i got beat up, how can i overcome, hurt ego, yada yada. Lots of ppl quit at that point. But those who don't and reflect get better

Man this is literally what happened to me last weekend, except the main deal was my mental preparation. I wasn't even remotely fatigued...but I just didn't show up able to express the needed aggression and resolve.

Breathing is the secret. Not having a big ego is winning even when losing. Experience helps, beginners get smashed, most comps are full of roid heads, ain't worth injuries, ain't worth winning, ain't worth losing sleep over.

wOW! i'M SECOND PLACE! To get over things... get out there and train!

Agreed. Take the heckling & the shame & use it to drive you until you don't need it anymore, I always did.

This is a great lesson. I've been pushing myself to go pass my physical limits. We been doing a lot of multi kick combos, and learning how to defend and counter kicks lately. Though my legs burn and I get tired, I view it as me getting stronger. Besides, can't make a diamond without pressure.

Wow this exact thing happened to me a few days ago this video came at the perfect time

You're telling me that it's normal to reflect and tussle with thoughts and emotions, in order to mentally and physically survive the same or similar situations and stimuli which may find me in the future? That you've been there yourself, and are better for it? This man is not fit for da streetz! (Thanks Coach)

I actually tortured myself over a win. long story short, I felt that my sensei had awarded me my 2nd dan karate black belt out of pity (I got utterly battered in a 16-round full contact sparring during my test, didn't feel like I ended any of the bouts satisfactorily in my favour). I never did (and have never) asked my sensei about it, but that feeling of unworthiness spurred me into the "get out there & train" mentality. I had never trained by myself outside of the dojo before (I was comfortably resting on my 1st dan laurels for 3yr up to that point), so I looked into MMA-style workouts. did wonders for my athleticism (Covid notwithstanding), and I've never looked back since!

Confidence in yourself can get you through a loss. Anger is a tool given to us by God to make us better. Without anger we do not move forward .

I want to add something to improve on what coach is saying. When you ruminate over it do not do it out of anger or spite but out of a good place where you see it as a positive challange you want to overcome. I say this because I have gone through years of life and successfully obtained undergraduate and masters degrees because someone told me I am not good enough and I am not competent enough. However, I feel I didnt let myself enjoy the journey of self progression as I was pushed by anger and not by a positive desire to improve. The result might be the same...you may still defeat your competitor or get to your goal, but you will feel an emptiness because revenge is not as fulfilling as self gratitude.

I'm 23 years old and never competed before until 3 months ago. I had my first full contact karate fight. Got knocked out in 30 seconds with a nasty maegeri. I did everything I could to win that fight. Trained 2 hours a day everyday for 8+ months for that tournament. Ended up fighting a heavier and more experienced fighter. Guy was a black belt in some kickboxing style. It sucked really hard. I gues you just have to move on. Focus on whats important in your life, take your time and keep going. I'm thinking about doing semicontact karate because I got really concerned about my health, but time will tell.

The more the man or woman grow up, more blessings they can recognize and more responsibility they take for they own actions. Very good lesson Ramsey, love it.

Great advice as usual Ramsey! You had an awesome quote that I'm going to pass on to my fellow fighters and students. "Ruminate and torture yourself over this loss and allow that push you to excellence." Many thanks for sharing your experience and words of wisdom, always looking forward to the next lesson. 🙏

Hey Ramsey, so you said previously that most martial artists know how to fight. I am currently practicing martial arts (muay thai) to learn how to fight and intelligently defend myself in real-life situations or "on da streetz". How do I learn to fight for situations like that or could you point me in the right direction at least. Much appreciated, love your videos.

i lost my phone, i can't get over the loss...that's why I am watching the video...

I was on my school's rugby team once, we went to play against other schools. We lost every single match. I didn't care much about it.

What boxers do you find to be criminally underrated? I’d say Harry Greb, Jake Lamotta, and Sonny Liston.

"Adrenaline Dump" sounds like a good band name for the style I like to play 😎

I had 4 bad losses at my AGF tournament last month. Thanks for the insights

Back in my cross country days, I would get serious prerace nerves on the start line. I wanted to use the restroom, throw up, shout. Sometimes I did shout. I’d stomp the ground, and I’d get some tunnel vision. As soon as the gun sounded and the race was off, all those emotions disappeared, and I began to run for my life. Why did I get so nervous? I trained hard and I slept well. Where did this come from? Well the only way I was able to explain it is by separating sports into 2 categories. Sports that have a pain threshold prerequisite, and sports that you can excel at without ever being in pain while competing. Mma, for example, is a sport where if you want to succeed, expect to be hit, expect to be pushed to the limit and expect to be hurting. Same with most other combat sports. But soccer? Not so much. That’s why there’s reports of fighters crying before their fights and never in other sports. Well in cross country, it’s the same. You can not excel without pushing yourself to the cardiovascular and mental limit at each race. So standing on that start line, my brain was telling me “your getting ready to die for this, you know that right? You are standing on your last start line, you understand? Your going to push yourself to death if you want to win. Otherwise, why are we here?” And those thoughts go through most champion runners minds. The difference is how they reacted to those thoughts. I would get an upset stomach and I’d start yelling and getting that tunnel vision. Some people even told me that I looked ready to kill someone on race day. It took me 2 years after my cross days to understand those feelings and thoughts. I guess it’s because I practice mma now, and I see the pattern. That’s mental fortitude. That’s something other sports don’t really build.

@Ramsey Dewey Hey Ramsey, love your videos and outlook. I also have been struggling for years with talking. Like you said, sometimes even just talking to other people. It resonated with me that you had the same issue at one point. I have largely overcome it but I had to give a presentation at work the other day and froze up. Sometimes it’s like suffocating. I’ve been doing BJJ for 7 years and it’s helped immensely because I can ease my tense body and breath. I guess I just have to keep practicing and doing it. Thanks

Wow Ramsey I just lost my fight this weekend and I was thinking damn I wanted to impress the other martial arts RU-vidr with a win . And ironically you post this video

Reflection

visualisation, meditation, training and application. rinse and repeat. it's an endless OODA Loop. Emotions are the result of the narrative you built for yourself. The losses are just the moments when you realize what you didn't know. grown ups should act rationally and treat their emotions like elephants in the literal china shop. I mean it takes decades of growing up and putting the china back together, at some point one grows out of hurting oneself by being insecure about ones emotions so you acknowledge them and then you cleanse yourself from them with work... i consider protestant work ethics one of the greatest forms of psychohygiene (as long as you apply them to yourself and only to yourself)

I just want to pop in for Advice on Da Streetz: Which look should you walk away from? 1) the Crazy Look - 2)The Confident look - 3) The Tom Cruise look (the "I'm such a BA" look) - 4) All of the Above. Answer: All of the Above except for 3, which just tends to get really entertaining. Of course if you can't stand Tom Cruise due to his empty macho posturing (see all of his Australian interviews) you have every reason to walk away. OR: you can praise the tom Cruiser and watch the light come into their eyes. Awwwww!

A weaker man would have gave up

a little rethinking a loss can definitely be helpful if you can focus the thought into some productive action. just obsessing about "what if" without any productive outlet is just a waste of time

What an angle 🤎🤎✊️

Hi Ramsey ! I just whant whant to know what to do here, At my gym there is a gym mate who is around 20 kg lighter then me and a fair bit shorter ,now i only go hard in sparring againts one of my friends who i agreed to spar with a bit higher intensity before hand(and yes we do it very rarely we are safe and all about it)but againts this guy my 18% might aswell be 50% intensity.Hes a clincher,if he has to take some punches to get into clinch range he will... His tenacity just Moving fowards makes even my lightest jab basicaly a cross with how mutch momentum he just has going fowards,and i keep telling him to "slow down and stop divebombing me so mutch into the clinch,you just jump right into my attacks "but he just whont stop going so incredibly fast,i have no clue what to tell him to make him stop being so reckless with how mutch weight he has going fowards,all these issues are compounded by him alredy not having a particularly strong chin, Hes a good guy and i dont whant him getting hurt but the way he just charges into people seems almost like hes intentionaly giving himself a concussion. So far i try to keep him safe by not punching bag and letting him enter clinch but i really whant him to just stop being so reckless,anything i should tell him?

hi ramsey, yesterday i just lost 3 very good friends of mine, i've been having trouble connecting with people since late 2021 and i feel like i've just gotten worse, like i don't feel anything when people talk to me good or bad, do you have any advice for overcoming this kind of numbness? i know i can feel it since i've felt it before (ruling out disorders like aspd ect.) but recently i haven't been able to bring myself to connect to people and it's been hurting my relationships btw i know you always say you appreciate shorter questions but i had to put it in here that because of you i got into mma and was able to make a major turn in the right direction, i can never thank you enough.

Incremental steps

Are you a hectomorph? Have you experienced issues absorbing nutrients and having too quick of a digestion? If so, how did you overcome these?

Do you have any techniques or advice for cultivating emotional investment?

If get dqd I would get so mad I'd start a catch organisation

Getting second place in a bjj tournament is not nearly as bad as getting second place in shadowboxing though... Although there is the saying : being afraid of your own shadow 🤷

Sport karate should not be underestimated. I was sparing with the 7th Dan Sensei a and he punched me in the face. I walked into it. And I cried. Then the Sensei gave me a lollipop 🍭 and read me a bed time story and made me warm 🍲 😂😂😂🤪🤪

Ramsey, what's the update on the recent lockdown from you and your family?

nothing more character bulding than martial arts

If you're torturing yourself, you're with the wrong girl. Or guy? Depends on preference.

I'm A Proud Silver Medalist 😎😎😎