I started jiu-jitsu about a month ago (with some encouragement from your channel), and I’m gonna say this is definitely not my experience😂. I’ve been getting ground into the mats just about every day (by both men and women some of which literally 3x my size). Still loads of fun though, and I’d actually find it insulting if they took it easy on me JUST because I’m a girl. I get better every day BECAUSE the guys aren’t afraid to put me in a triangle or a kimura when my defense falters, or crush me in side control when I get lazy. I guess what I’m saying is, if you’re at a gym where you’re experiencing what that comment is describing, find another gym where people actually respect your drive to better yourself.
Thank you for addressing this! I was going to write a detailed comment, but you really covered everything! I feel like people don't talk enough about the difficulties of being a female in a male dominated sport. I'm so glad I found a gym where these things aren't an issue anymore, but it can be discouraging for newer practitioners.
Sounds like that may be the case! Most women I've rolled with have defeated me or at least been a major challenge for the simple reason that they were more skilled. That fact doesn't bother me at all. That may be in part because I grew up with two older sisters and also had lots of tomboy girlfriends as a kid. But it does seem to be a major cause of angst for many men.
@@Changeling9au if you lose to women in bjj as a guy, you're really really bad. you shouldn't even be losing to black belts as a white belt whos been training even like two months.
I am impressed at how you managed to stay calm while talking about this ridiculous comment for the entire video-you deserve a medal for that haha I am extremely lucky to be a member of the jiu-jitsu academy where coaches take extra care and effort to make sure that all classes and rolls are fully inclusive. They spot right away if someone goes 150% (men or women) in a roll and they always point on that. I agree that usually men who roll too harsh with women are the ones who want to prove a point and they are usually very new and to be fair, I never seen them to stick around for more than few sessions! I am extremely glad that jiu-jitsu can be enjoyed by anyone- any gender, age, belief and experience level.
OMG.... you made me LEGIT LOL a few times. "TomBob no woman would want to roll with you." I did have an interesting experience during Muay Thai sparring: some men have difficulty punching me in the face. It may be because of the "never hit a woman" conditioning from childhood. HOWEVER, once you start coming with aggressive energy (paired with a little friendly shit talking if needed) that conditioning goes out the window. It become just two fighters sparring. I've def been teeped like I was a grown ass man. Girl, I once got teeped so hard I started my period... ahahhahaaa... it's all about the energy being brought / matched
when I started 6 1/2 years ago the first two women I rolled with were bluebelts . One of them knee barred me and the other bow and arrowed me. LOL. Very humbling experience.
His comment also speaks to the fact that not all jiu jitsu gyms/academies are the same and not all ideas about what jiu jitsu means is the same. Some gyms foster that fight club mentality and if you're not going 200% all the time then what are you even doing there, whereas other gyms are more focused on the technique and/or have a healthy blend of the two. Some people may not like it, but the fact is there isn't one "right" way to do jiu jitsu anymore and even within the same gym, people will have different opinions about how jiu jitsu should be taught. It's important for people to figure out what it means to them and how to get the most out of training. Some people enjoy the camaraderie and health benefits that come with training and don't ever have the desire to do competitions, some literally just want to beat the living crap out of their opponents and call that being "good at jiujitsu". This guy sounds like he has this idea about what jiu jitsu should be and is offended that people don't follow HIS rules.
Wow! I've been doing jiu-jistu for a couple of months now and I don't know where he's getting his info from, but that is certainly not what I have experienced in my gym. When there are other women in the class, they are some pretty tough rolls. I usually walk away with a lot more bruises when there are other women to roll with. Do the guys take it a little easier on me? Yes, but I'm still very new to the sport. They still make me work for every grip, every escape, they give me corrections or tips on what to do in whatever situation I'm in, and if I up my intensity, they make me work harder. I appreciate it! It's how I learn. On Tuesday, I spent the majority of one round pinned to the mat by a guy that was much bigger than me, but I fought the whole round and worked on defense. (Annoyingly, the day after I thought of something else I should have tried during that roll, but I'll file it away for the next time I'm in that situation) I am so thankful to have some very supportive guys in my class. I hope this guy gets a reality check soon.
I wouldn't be surprised if "Tom" doesn't jits at all. He kinda sounds like some of the idiots who leave misogynistic comments under vids with female fighters - probably eats too many corn chips and energy drinks, and think because they watch UFC that they somehow know what it's like to actually fight.
When I first started bjj, I convinced our gym to start a women’s only class twice a week. Then a month or two later, after I wasn’t totally dying on the mats, I added in a class or two a week only partnering with my husband or another woman. 8 months later, here I am willing to roll with literally anyone in our gym. Your channel has encouraged me to diversify my training partners and learn from every roll! I participated in a competition 2 weeks ago and placed second. I love your channel and it keeps me inspired. Thanks!! ❤️❤️
Yes. I think the idea of women's only classes for introductory purposes is a sound one. It's a good way of encouraging women, many of whom may have good reason to fear getting up close and "intimate" with bigger and stronger men, to start training. Most males will find jiu jitsu intimidating so it's little wonder that most women will too. It's a kind of sad irony that jiu jitsu - a very feminine martial art (the soft overcoming the hard) - is probably the most male dominated of all the martial arts/combat sports. Congrats on your competition win!
I would only start this sport if there was a women's only class and coach/trainer. I don't feel comfortable with men, never have. It's nice to hear women like you are convincing gyms to do women only classes.
it's not really the womens fault if the guy goes easy on her, toxic feminity sorta is implying that is is. Also I feel like to many people conflate strength and technique, guys always wanna bring up how "men will always be stronger than women" weird flex? like ok? doesn't mean a women is less skilled in a sport. Idk I guess it's a power thing, or an ego thing.
IF a gym is bad about sheltering female students, I could see him having a point. It would delay your skill progress if for instance people hold back so much that they let you get away with things that wouldn't work if they were actually trying. If this actually happened it would be bad because many women train bjj for self defense, and if they ever need to use it, they need to have practiced on someone who is resisting at a reasonable level such that they will be able to execute the moves properly. Normally if someone is trying, you can't get away with bad technique, so you end up asking why you couldn't finish that sweep or why they didn't tap, and the instructor will watch and tell you where you are getting it wrong. I don't know if this is what Bob Tom or whatever his name was, meant. If it is, I think he just had a really poor way of expressing it.
@@hzuiel yeah, the part about women not gaining skills when a gym is bad about pushing them to be better I get. The part where he lost me is when he assumed this is how ALL women are trained, and, like I said, when he blamed it on the women themselves and not the gym.
Great video! With the exception of rolling with people who are new to the sport, I think that you can make what you want out of training, if you put vibes out there that you're going to rip your partners head off you can expect the same. I think gym culture also has a lot to do with the intensity of rolling regardless if you're a man or woman. I've had extremely tough rolls with men who do use a lot of strength and go very hard. It's those rolls that really force you to use the best technique possible and refine all the holes in your game. They are not always the most fun, but as long as it's not unsafe explosive movements, this is where you're forced to strategize and where you fix things to make progress. Rolling with other women, especially close to your weight and level is the best and most challenging training, we do go hard with each other, and that's the realest training you can get.
TomBob is totally wrong in my experience. The women in my gym are absolutely amazing and better than most the men. Heck there's one woman I haven't met yet but I have literally heard every guy in my gym say how good she is and how she has kicked the butt of every guy in the gym.
@@kimberlykinch I have heard the upper belt males at my gym say that training with white belts (men and women) is like turning up a dial. At first they roll at 5% because the white belts don't know how to roll yet and gradually they can turn up that dial.
@@kimberlykinch Also I 100% agree with you. I would see toxic femininity as an upper belt female being nasty or having a barrier to entry for other women in the gym. I can also see where toxic femininity could play out where it makes it uncomfortable for men in the gym to roll with said woman.
I went 100% on my opponent 4 times in my life: during competitions. At the gym, you go 60-70%. Without even knowing it. That dude never trained bjj, I'm more than sure of that. It's just ego inflammation.
I just don't want to roll with women white belts. I don't want to do a normal move and than having some woman complaining about me being too rough because she doesn't know how to handle it yet.
I go hard on the matts with some women (having a tough roll, not trying to injure.) but they are advanced, and can kick my butt at any point. Others I deff turn it back a bit, I think you just gotta feel it out based on the person.
Well, I would say that the most relatable thing to street fighting is MMA. Because even if you manage to throw a guy to the ground you should be used of getting punched in the face.
She doesn't really exist in jiu jitsu because it's perfectly common and fair less dangerous for some to go max effort, but there is absolutely a rare type of female in the striking arts who has no chill and does not realize that the guys whose heads she's constantly throwing haymakers at don't like sparring her. She always throws with 100% power, no accuracy, and her chin straight in the air in the perfect location to counterpunch. You don't though, because even a soft counterpunch does a lot of damage, and because of this she never learns that it's a bad habit. Everyone learns to just throw distance jabs and post off of her and take angles. I imagine this inability to ever connect frustrates her more, so she throws harder, and the cycle continues. This is absolutely a known phenomenon in striking gyms, it's just rare and not talked about much because people just suffer the 3 minutes and move on with their day.
Tbh I think you may have taken some offense and been a little hard on TomBob. His experience at his gym could very well be entirely different from yours and he COULD have some women in his class who take advantage of the fact that most larger men won’t smash them. Not EVERY woman is a nice, humble BJJ player. Some are dicks 😆…. Just the same as guys. Look at how Ronda Rousey acted for her whole UFC career. Just my 2 cents. Good job with your channel. Great content.
I once was cornering a female friend in a Muay Thai fight. We had a chat with her opponent before the fight, while we talked a male fighter koed a training partner during warm up. We all shook our head and she just shrugged and said "Martial Arts isn't for men." Tom Bob just reminded me how right she was. :)
Wtf what's the solution to his complaint 😂😂 "it's so unfair that I can't take advantage of my size and strength against someone who is significantly smaller than me! I am such a victim! You think you got beat up? I'll show you what it's like to get beat up!!" Wtf is wrong with him lmao
The biggest problem is that during my 3years of rolling, its been around 8 girls total. And around 50 guys, atleast. I dont need more girls on the mat. Not as much as my daughter do
I definitely don’t agree with this guy, but I recently had a kinda similar-ish experience that made me reflect a lot on how I’ve been training? 98% of the time, I’m the only woman in my bjj classes and I’m very new (I started 3 months ago). The guys in my class are super sweet and walk me through the movements and roll in gentle way...but sometimes it’s too gentle? They just let me practice the moves and sometimes don’t give me as much resistance as I need and it’s not super challenging? It wasn’t until my last class where I (admittedly 😂) underestimated a white belt who started bjj after me and I had my a$$ handed me 🙃🤣. He wasn’t a jerk, and he was very helpful, but he challenged me more than any other training partner, and it was awesome! If I notice one of my training partners being too gentle, I want to start speaking up about it (and I also think I need more confidence on the mat in general lol). Have other women had similar experiences?
Yeah I’ve definitely been there, where guys can go TOO easy. Don’t be afraid to ask them to push the pace a little! You’re there to get good training in just as much as they are 👍🏻
I always get my but handed to me by men and women, we all respect each other and all want to learn, so we do not go 100 but we do not take it easy on each other either. But I have had a few new guys, not white belt new, but new to the gym try and go 100 with me, but I was able to hold my own still and not die lol, but definitely had days where my ribs hurt so bad I did not even want to take a deep breath 🤣
I came back to say that I shared this with some of my friends who are women and they were all like "HER HAIR IS SO BEAUTIFUL" and I was like, "how does her hair look like that when she does jiujitsu..?" 🤣
Ok, in general terms the guy commenting about how women don't know how to go less than 100% is wrong; I've rolled with lots of very technical women. That said, I have found that *occasionally* there are women who sort of match this description. When I was in college I used to have a group of guys I'd play tennis with, and there was a woman who joined our friend group (by being a friend of a guy's girlfriend) and wanted to play with us, and even though she was pretty good, she wasn't a decent partner to play with because she didn't really catch on to the fact that when we were just hitting around, we weren't trying to smash the ball as hard as possible. It was kind of awkward. However, it's not necessarily a gender-specific thing; there are some of guys in BJJ who I would say don't know how to turn it down--one guy in particular I absolutely *hated* rolling with as a white belt because he was a bigger, taller, stronger blue belt and still extremely spazzy, so I felt like I was in constant danger of catching a knee, elbow, or just getting injured from him ripping a submission on me. He would go all out on heelhooks and leglocks when I barely knew anything about defending them. Later on in my BJJ career there was another dude who came from a sambo background and would go *really* hard in training, to the point where I asked one of the school's instructors about him and the instructor confirmed that this guy was treating his rolls like MMA matches with him as well. So to counter this, I just turned my rolls up to 11 with this one particular dude. He ended up developing a strong aversion toward me and started dodging rolls with me, so that sort of solved my problem.
I can see where the guy might be coming from when he says that women go 100%. Since I’m super small I feel like I have to use more power. But that also doesn’t harm the bigger guys as much as when the big guys use 100% on smaller women if that makes sense. But we definitely know how not to go 100%. Women just in general show more restraint, so yeah. He’s still wrong XD
You proved the guys comment right, but then said he’s wrong? Lol. A spazzing 130lbs blue belt female is more dangerous than a 200+lbs spazzy beginner male in my experience.
This is kind of my impression as well, and also it's situational. Some gyms really coddle or shelter female students, others don't. I've seen both ways.
@@hzuiel exactly. There are certainly women with exaggerated ideas of what they are physically capable of. My wife is definitely one, she doesn't train and has really no clue what to do in any sort of physical altercation but is sure she knows (and has 0 interest in training to actually learn sadly). At the same time Kimberly certainly seems very capable on the mats and able to hold her own and certainly isn't unique in that regard, and there's a whole spectrum of women in between. Making stupid blanket statements like this guy did is... well stupid. And really the exact same thing can be said for guys having delusions about they're capabilities. Admittedly I do roll lighter with the vast majority of the females I encounter but that's just a function of typically outmassing them by 50lbs or similar, not directly related to gender. I do the same with smaller males.
