@@nokyo4394 the purple heart/ribbons are to bring domestic violence into the light. They represent a voice for people who unfortunately still don’t have or feel they don’t have one (voice) so I’m sure she’s fine with it
I had a therapist who had a therapy cat. She would always do something silly or dorky to make me laugh. Animals are kinder a lot of the time than people are.
None at all? Even 1%? When you live in total $hit and expect it to just magically change, that is also a choice. Obviously their responsibility is nowhere near equal, but to say there was ABSOLUTELY noting she could do differently imo is an overstatement. Yes initially you have your dreams and plans about how it's going to be, but then you have real life experience of how it is actually going and continues month after month, continuing to do nothing about it and just expecting things to suddenly change on their own is a choice. Until people acknowledge and take responsibility for what they personally could have done differently they are bound to repeat the same mistakes. The same as the standard "I have a bad taste in men" (49:30). Why take responsibility for looking for a dangerous warrior guy? Girls have been attracted to "bad boys" for thousands of years. Maybe it's time to wise up and take at least some degree of responsibility for personal choices? people love doing what they want and then look for ways to completely avoid responsibility. I'm no better, myself.
@@philmccracken2534 This way of thinking makes sure a person remains "a victim" all their life. Because why would anything change if "everything that is bad in you life" is only the result of "someone else's actions"? If you do not analyze your mistakes, you will never change and thus you doom yourself to keep repeating those same mistakes experiencing those same results
that fact that ian was a youth pastor really solidified the fact that he would’ve done this so anyone he encountered who was vulnerable enough, he was clearly seeking someone out
I am a Christian and I have heard so many horror stories about youth pastors, that I think churches should just go without. This ministry seems to attract perverts. I think children should be with their parents at church at all times instead of going to these separate groups where they can get easily groomed and manipulated.
why are youth pastors so evil and scummy. mine never went so far as ian did. but i was definitely converted by him with some nasty rhetoric, looking back. i trust no church leaders anymore.
@@luthientinuviel9942because they’re a trusted authority figure, so it’s easy to target the children they’re in charge of. Both the adults and kids trust them, so they’re more likely to get away with it because “a man of God would never do such a thing”. I’ve never seen a church youth pastor NOT take advantage of their position to target the kids. I have witnessed it personally, almost the exact same age gap as this video (a 32 y/o and a 16 y/o) in my own church. He targeted any girl he deemed vulnerable. He tried it on me when I was 14, but quickly realized I wasn’t having it and moved on to his second wife (the 16 y/o). I’d never trust a “man of god” to be around my kids, period.
When are people going to take accountability? This chick can blame nobody but herself. If she knows he’s a creep and still CHOSE TO GO, SHE CHOSE TO SKIP SCHOOL, SHE CHOSE TO LIE TO HER PARENTS AND HIDE IT, SHE CHOSE TO SNEAK AROUND and be with this man but she puts all the blame on him is crazy. She knew what she was doing and directly disobeyed her parents. Let’s no pretend she thought she was grown and pretended she was grown. At 17, I would of never messed with a 30 year old woman and I knew that. I knew I shouldn’t be doing things that were bad or weren’t okay. She actively lied to every one around her. She’s just as wrong as the man is. It takes 2 and women need to start suffering these consequences as well. No way she gets a free pass like she’s just some victim when she made horrible decisions she just didn’t like what came with it when she never should of been there in the first place. I hate this oppression bs like she’s perfect. Gtfoh I can’t even listen to this chick. Women like to brag about how they “mature” faster but clearly it’s only physically and not mentally. She’s the rebellious type who did everything she wasn’t supposed to. The fact that she even put herself in that situation is just as much her fault as it is the creepy man’s. Typical women always do exactly what you tell them not to and go against the grain and then play victim when it doesn’t work out. This is an absolutely slap in the face for real victims out here who are ACTUAL VICTIMS. This attention grab is what actually makes the real victims not speak up because they classify bad choices as abuse. Stoppp it. If I hang with friends and ride in a car knowing they’re going to do something they shouldn’t and we all get caught, I’m an accomplice. Why? Because I chose to ride along when I knew I should never be there in the first place
I mean there has to be something wrong with you if you want to go kill other innocent people. Call it "defending" "your" country all you want, doesnt change the fact that u sign up to kill other people for no reason.
Many (most) modern women in the West are addicted to toxic men and the red flags. They actively chase these men. It's a byproduct of the feminist movement. A female former co-worker of mine has been in a physically abusive relationship with some dude for a few years and was dumb enough to get pregnant with and have his kid. She could easily have found a better guy to be with as she is attractive but they don't want a decent guy. They are addicted to toxicity and anxiety these bad boys make them feel.
@@rykson161 He has a pattern of abuse for years with multiple partners. The gov made the monster and the gov won't take responsibility because they don't do accountability.
I have no idea how she could sit here & talk about what happened to her with such grace . She’s one of the most strong people I’ve seen in awhile. So happy she’s still here & surviving
when i tell you i gasped when she said her 40 year old dad made a just freshly turned 18 year old his wife and stepmother to his kid...I hate how disgustingly audacious some people can be.
@@falconeaterf15A freshly 18 year old is still in high school. As someone who’s dad, brother, uncle, and myself going into the military you can speak for yourself.
Sad how her dad, the man who was supposed to protect her, was so blinded by his own dysfunction that he fed her to the wolves. Thanks for sharing your story.
Oh he definitely acted as a groomer and a predator too, considering how old Alexandra’s mom was compared to him and his new baby wife…and I don’t even know if that was due to his mental health but I seriously doubt it. So I guess he didn’t just feed him to the wolves because of his dysfunction, he legit didn’t care and thought it good that his teenage underage daughter was with a 30+ person.
That's how it usually goes unfortunately. Parents who raise their children in fear of growing up to be vulnerable tend to drive their children towards the situations they fear by sheltering them and trying to prevent them from growing up. Unlike parents that are wary of it, but choose to educate rather than repress their child, to armor them with knowledge rather than inhibit them.
@@aurieamoore5823 Absolutey & well said. That's why I became a teen mom, I had a bit too much of both mixed up. Some assume I was wild, when I was over sheltered. I actually just wanted to do age appropriate things, like a group to the movies. I had an older sister who was given these freedom's at the same age & she did. Her, myself, & our younger brother were all treated very differently. Without writing a novel... lol. My baby, now 28, was an even bigger blessing than I initially thought. As part of my preparing for motherhood, I began therapy. I realized I was living with narcissistic, abusive parents & I was the scapegoat. Long story short got out right away & thankfully had good luck as I did my best to continued making good choices. My daughter's father & I stayed together until she was about 3 1/2, they still maintained a relationship. We got seperate apartments until I ended up buying a house at 18, & later completing college. She's now 28, graduated college, is married & I'm blessed with a 2 grandbabies.
@@Froggy77100 your survivor story and growth is exactly why you raised an amazing daughter. I am always grateful when I hear about women who learn to cope in such health ways. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Man... I'm at the part where she mentions needing a hysterectomy due to the level of physical damage inflicted on her... literally weeping. Like, it's awful enough that she's got to live with the mental anguish of what the men in her life have put her through. But to have daily physical reminders and a permanent change to your quality of life is just tragic. The fact that she was able to blossom into this vibrant, bold woman and mother is nothing short of a miracle.
Thank you for saying that. I have permanent, awful, daily physical and mental reminders of the horrific abuse and neglect I went through. People don’t often realize that we have to live with that. Thank you for seeing that and having empathy for those of us dealing with that daily. God bless you, truly. ❤️
@@damj.2488I know right I'm straight up physically shaking I'm just so horrified she had to go through all of this. Bless her and her daughter for getting out of this situation and being so brave for sharing her story.
@@Daniel.Martin this is really sad, people do go through that. Just because your life wasn’t like hers doesn’t mean its not happening. I’m sure you also have some sickening stories to tell but prob nothing compared to hers. But hey just be grateful you didn’t go through that.
Nobody should ever experience this. I must commend her for speaking out against such a disgrace of a person like Ian. And to cause her sexual health to suffer even after all of this? HE NEEDS TO BE LOCKED AWAY TIL HE DIES
Where did she get traffic though? I’m really curious cause this is traffic by her husband. That’s the title of it. Where did she get trafficked? I never heard her. Tell one story about another man or woman entering into sexual activity or multiple people a day because that’s what trafficking is when somebody is traffic and used over and over multiple times a day, so where I mean yeah, he was abusive asshole but where the hell is the trafficking part she can’t just call herself a trafficking victim she was abused yes and it was horrible but traffic
I’m 11 minutes in, and I met my abuser as my older karate classmate/teacher. No one batted an eye when the young girl was grappling with grown men because, same as you, I was the only girl there. Hearing just this part of your story gives me so much validation, thank you.
I got groomed by my martial arts instructor, five FUCKING decades of age difference when I was still a 16 year old minor. He was literally a senior citizen and he invited me to his house with his adult children for “private classes” where he would progressively attempt to molest me, isolate me from my family and boyfriend, and get me used to his disgusting remarks about us being in a relationship. He offered these lessons to a 14 year old girl before me, who turned him down. He has trained with children age 5-17. I laid me down in the middle of the dojo and did stretches on the ground putting my legs over my head, while smiling at me, among other uncomfortable things such as standing extremely close when I was squatting so that his crotch would be RIGHT in my face, in the middle of a class full of mostly kids under age 13. He convinced me to strip down to my bras and underwear and gave me massages where, under his uniform I’m convinced that he was not wearing underwear after an incident where he intentionally brushed his crotch against my foot in one of the bra-underwear massages. Scariest part is, he wanted to take me out of state for a “tournament”, which he was obviously bullshitting on because after 4 months he couldn’t even give me the fucking date of the damn thing, when previously he said that the dates would be released in “two months” He was a disgusting old man taking advantage of his trusted position with children. Fucking despicable. Atef S Himaya. That’s his name.
I was 15 when I met my husband and he was 23, and I was on probation and had a tracker and counselor and they all knew we were together, my parents knew, my grandparents knew, my church knew, my school knew. everyone knew, and nobody told me it was wrong. Only now I wish that someone would have cared enough about me to save me from him. My life was hell for 20 years.
I was also 15 with a 23 year old. I was pregnant at 17. He would always say "she's so mature for her age" now at 32 I understand that's predatory behavior. The only people that had an issue with it was my dad and stepmom. They had an issue with everything I did in my life so their opinion didn't mean anything to me. I wish someone would have asked me to reevaluate my life. But honestly don't know if it even would have mattered. I thought I was so grown
if anyone sees this: if you hear/see an older man or even just older person in general say "they're so mature for their age!" about a child or teenager - be wary. bc most of the time, it means they either see the teenager in an inappropriately sexual way (teenage girls who just develop breasts pretty early for example. has nothing to do with maturity but is often said as an excuse), or they want the teenager to do things that developmentally, they should NOT be doing. like parentification, where the parents basically make the older siblings the parents of the younger siblings so they dont have to do it. thats so fucking unhealthy for the children, and it happens a LOT. especially to young women. just - kids should NOT be "mature for their age" in that way. be careful, yall!!!!!
thank you for sharing i relate i was 17 he said he was 25 but actually was 27 and now i’m 19 and recently heard an older man say i’m mature for my age and flinched thanks for spreading your message and warnings
@@jannecapelle_artThis is important. My ex who trafficked me as a teenager said the same thing. He said that I was more mature than his ex gf who was 21. I was 15. Yes I was a dumb naive teen who was in a relationship with a 22 year old man but still. I’d known him since i was 12 and he’d always describe me as “so mature” especially after i started puberty. It was creepy and wrong. It should have given me the massive ick.
My story is very similar. I ended up packing my things up and leaving when he left for work one morning. It’s been 11 years and he still sends the most disgusting and horrifying messages.
How is this dude still all over the internet just for his “honorable” works? How is there not more public outrage about this when I search his name? This needs to be out there.
When she said, "I'm not normally a pushover," that hit home for me. If I saw my friends go through what I went through, I would've been the first one ready to throw hands. But when it happened to me, all of a sudden, I was this weak version of myself. I felt totally disarmed, which was very much out of my normal character.
it’s crazy how shame takes hold in that situation. even when you would never shame or blame someone else in your position, you feel like you’re too smart/strong/whatever to be abused and how could you let this happen
just wanted to drop in to wish you all the best!! it takes so much strength and courage to leave an abusive situation, so you seem to have a lot of both. i hope you’re able to give yourself the love and support you deserve and that you’re at a place (both mentally and physically) where you feel safe 🫂 take care, stranger :)
This should be played to middle school/high school students. Even if one child on the verge of adulthood takes what she says and stays away from older creeps it would be worth it.
I agree, this was extremely educational. I'm 28 and I wish I had access to this information when I was younger... now i look back on events from when I was a teen/young adult and just rage lmao i can't believe how normal it all felt.
@Ouwe Brood she didn't listen to her mom cuz all her life her father groomed her into thinking what was happening to her was normal and even desirable, not because she was a "16yo know it all"
@@thickthickly I think it was a reference to the environment those parents, were raised in and the culture they were raised by (their parent's generation/Silent Gen shaped the world, some and of course we are all, a little shaped) I could be wrong
I really appreciate your interview style. You are so respectful in giving your guests the space to tell their stories without interjecting too much. Really, very well done
Very much a great host/interviewer. Not overreacting to anything, asking appropriate questions and acting appropriately and letting the interviewee speak, etc.
I understand her choice to be quiet while her baby slept in the next room…trying to protect your child from you abusive experience feels like at least you’re protecting someone. This is such an eloquent and graceful young lady. I wish her healing and peace.
The host does such a good job of giving her guests ample space to speak through their story while still being able to guide the show and fill in any blanks
The direction your podcast is taking make so much sense for you. I remember you saying you went to college for criminal justice or something similar. I’m so glad you’re getting back into it and helping the world. ♥️
Dude lives in my state and city now… absolutely sick how much recognition and praise this guy gets. As a survivor myself I’m incredibly sad this happened to you, and I hope you find the peace you so absolutely deserve. I seriously hope I never see this guy around
@@lesliewells-ig5dlbeing a wounded veteran or some shit. People will suck you off for having served in the military. Doesn’t matter hat you did or why you did it.
@@mantecastotch4260 you respect a man who dates a 17 year old child when he's 32 and allegedly treats multiple women this horribly? Yes he may have done heroic things when he was serving. But that doesn't erase the abusive and illegal things he's done since then.
Absolutely agree! I hate when Dr Phil interviews a guest who was molested or raped & then he jumps into Robins skin care line! Or these RU-vidrs who promote make up & apps while telling a victims story. It's sick
Just found this podcast and 1000% agree. Also gets guests who are prepared to tell their story and who seem to feel empowered by telling-- doesn't stand in their way. That lack of ego is refreshing!!!
I met my biological father at 13, he assaulted me. My mom signed for me to get married to my 18yo boyfriend when I was 15. Got a divorce at 16 and my mom didn’t want to take care of me since I was emancipated. Lived in my car, started doing drugs. My biological father reached back out to me knowing I had no where to go he said I could go stay with him.. He walked in on me taking a bath and asked if he could bathe me… made him get out. 2 nights later I woke up to him with his hands down my pants towering over Keene as I laid in bed.. When I flipped out he said he was a Marine and a retired Cop and nobody would believe a addict like me anyways… Just because ur a Cop, military, Preacher, church goer.. doesn’t matter. Evil lurks EVERYWHERE!!!
I actually sat and watched the whole 2 hours of this, Alexandra is such a good story teller. Her time line and details were really made it so we can understand the what happened and the weight of the events. It is so sad that his happened and that this man is still out there with another wife at this time.
No that's the thing no one who goes thru this traumatic shit has a detailed ass timeline I call bs . Just like how the half the white under belly interviews are fake.
@@maryfitzgerald6209 have you ever thought that people are idk different? Some people do genuinely remember every small detail of their traumatic experiences. It's good to be sceptical over stories like this on the internet but stuff like this happen alot especially with military people.
@@maryfitzgerald6209 thank you! Real survivor here. The trauma causes me to stutter and choke up even at the thought of trying to explain it… 15 years later. She is lying
I'm very impressed that she was able to keep the timeline relatively chronological without notes. I'm glad she got this story out. The steps that a predator takes to groom a person. And I appreciate that she kept saying that she was a child. It doesn't matter how "mature" people want to perceive a teen. She. Was. A. Child. Glad she got out of it. Wishing her the best.
church is a system that is built on the ability to ignore obvious lies and just keep quiet. It's the perfect breeding ground for predators. That's why it's filled with them.
Yes! As someone part of the church... Not a building but the body of Christ! I cant help but feel such a sense of let down for her... Because these people are supposed to be Spirit filled... And there should've been a proper vetting for youth leaders especially... And that should've been considered. Now, on the spiritual aspect as well... We have a responsibility to seek the Lord and literally ask Him for guidance and confirmation around who we allow to lead and take care of our babies and children 😢❤
This literally feels like it could be a movie. Unbelievably bizarre how her own father failed her continuously, I genuinely feel like crying for her and I’m just thankful that she got through all of that shit eventually.
Too bad she used the f word several, countless times, as far as her ideas on higher powers and her religious beliefs, it's messed up big time, probably cuz her upbringing by her father especially. I honestly believe that a woman who is over 18 years old should know right from wrong, seriously, I do have empathy for her, being a mother and all, but, there is key word, a mother has the ability to protect their children, she could have left him ASAP as the trafficking began, the rapes, etc. No, means no, the statement about she didn't know she could have refused to comply to his sick fantasies and homosexuality, blows my mind. The sex crimes committed her are heinous, graphic, and caused her to have to have surgery, this relationship was based on his PTSD and drinking issues, not to mention how deranged his fantasies were. The entire time I listened, I tried to understand where her decision to play along with even the porno camping made any common sense, knowing recordings were in full blown action. This husband is perfect example of wounded warrior PTSD, serious killings he witnessed, and that's where his mental state of mind lost control, and she said they were going to counseling, OMG 😱 really? Truly waste of $$$ for him, because as a military man, the odds were stacked against him upon release from the military, besides military rules are so strict, that it was like he thought he could be boot camp seargant and demand these sick fantasies!!! My prayers and empathy go out to this victim and her daughter to get past this nightmare, maybe she can be an advocate for other survivors. Kudos to her for sharing her horrible DISPICABLE behavior of this man. I am a donator to the wounded warriors project, for I have a brain damaged 40 year old son whom his handicapped after near fatal car accident. Great deal of respect for our soldiers who defend and put their lives at risk, and would sacrifice themselves just in line of duty. Heartbreaking story. I had similar situation, and I did NOT ALLOW IT EVER TO HAPPEN AGAIN. decided to file for divorce and move out of state. God bless all involved, praying for full healing of strength and courage to defend herself and her precious daughter. 💔🤯🤧
@@debragriffin427 everyone's trauma immobilizes them in some way. Your's stops you from being able to truly identify and empathasize with someone you are terrified relating to because of your most vulnerable moments. None of the people in this story or yours are the beginning of the story. And the only way to see the story stop repeating is to see and understand all of the characters in their wholeness. Most theologies besides Christianity and American cultural icons allow for the duality implicit in all beings in the universe. None of us should be all good or all bad, learning things from both is what educates our next choice. That's the real issue with age gap relationships, one person has much more education to draw from. When had she learned that no actually meant no up to that point? In my experience with traumatized individuals trying to forcefully regain their sense of control over others, no actually excites a lot of them. It confirms that long yearning need they have to become the abuser instead of the abused. I would bet whats left of my life Ian had this gnawing complex far before the military. Rich black people judge poor black people more than white people do. Native men rape more native women than white men do. White mothers hurt more white boys than their relational partners will ever be able to after that. We hurt, judge and discredit the people with whom we closest relate in an effort to distance ourselves from being part of their labeling. You are brave and strong for escaping your situation but I think you might be perpetuating harm in your effort to seem so different. Not all kids raised in the same home will have the same outcomes because many experiences can differ even unseen within in a single house. It's part of the abuse to make those that were favored to think that those who weren't were always just bad. When in reality they might have been getting even more one on one attention that you were fighting so desperately for. And if anyone notices that the bad kid, the dumb girl, the manipulative child is getting all that extra physical contact whether it be violent or sexual or both. The adult will insist they they were helping wayward one. Don't be the kid hating your sibling for stealing the attention with their bad behavior, as you know parents have more than enough to go around and if you're fighting for it, it's because they were choosing to starve you of it so you'd be hungry and hate who you thought was full.
My dad is retired military (20 years Navy- some of those being MP) and he taught my sister and I to stay away from military men, and he never wanted us to join the military as well because of all he'd seen. I wish this woman's father had done the same for her. It's so sad what she's had to endure. I also completely understand what she means by being raised by someone who was struggling with being a civilian. My dad struggled with PTSD my entire childhood ( still does some days), so I understand that. I just feel a lot of sympathy for her and what she's gone through
I’m child of a career navy guy. Big tuff guy. I’m half his stature and he told me don’t go near the armed services. I took his advice. His personal life sucked so I thought that was a good enough reason.
The worse part is a LOT of soldiers who returned from the middle east are legitimate serial killers who were radicalised into killing brown people through government and military brainwashing and followed through on their desires which caused more than half a million innocent civilians to be murdered by them, then mass trained, legal serial killers return home and continue their killing sprees on another marginalised coloured minority spawning movements like black lives matter and the protests. America engineered a collective group of serial killers and then let them all come home and then gave them positions of power. Any system of authority in the U.S is by far the most corrupt and evil system on the planet and has ever been within our species but we blame Russia and he liberal's because it's easier to attach ourselves to deniability.
Thank you for your service. Sadly, the sexual assault rate is very high in that group. My ex, was reserves and he raped me after a Christmas party 25 years ago. It was awful. They all thought he was a great guy. He's not a nice guy. He's a monster!
How you explained the p*rn thing and how he’d direct you through what he wanted is coined by a term called Grooming. He was teaching you what he wanted out of you, and was willing to establish trust an emotional ties in order for the manipulation to hold strength. You are so strong, thank you for telling your story
Up until she was pregnant with her child, I had lived the exact same story. It’s insane how many people go through this and the world doesn’t know. Your guest should write a book. She’s intelligent, well spoken, thoughtful and captivating. The world deserves to know her story and know who Ian is. And thank you both for sharing this with us all.
Thank you for sharing your story and for SAYING HIS NAME. It’s so strong of you to do this and you were way to young when this all started….it’s completely understandable why you couldn’t leave and horrific what you went through. You’re an incredible mother ❤️.
this is the main reason i’m against pornography, you’d never know if the person you’re watching is being forced to do it and it’s more common than people understand. she is such a strong and resilient person.
@user-ln2xl6sl8i no. Not really. It's enabled more people to be exploited than ever actually. Boyfriends and pimps forcing their girls to do it and taking the money.
The ''at 15 i was so ready to be an adult'' part really resonates and hurts. Thanks for sharing and giving a voice to something I couldn't even think about clearly. This is my first honest moment feeling like this on the internet, what an amazing empathic experience. Hope she's doing great as a mom, I'm sure everyone who stands close enough to her will live to achieve great things.
@@MsDragontooth exactly what i thought!! It's like the same situation repeating over and over with her :( i feel so bad. First to go through abuse with her dad and witness him groom others and get it normalised, and then experiencing it first hand. Ugh I'm glad she's in a better place now
I love your interview style. I love that you let her talk and share her story. Sometimes I feel the interviewer talks over the guest too much. You seem like such a good friend/ listener!
I love how she lets her tell her story without unnecessarily interrupting. So many Podcasters like hearing themselves talk more than allowing the guest
I just googled this guy and it’s story after story about this “hero”. I’m so glad I listened to this podcast. What an eye opener. Thank you for sharing.
My first boyfriend was a Marine and very abusive from the start. Mentally, physically, sexually abusive and manipulative. My home life had multiple layers of dysfunction, abuse, isolation and neglect which made me latch onto anything that could keep me out the house and at 18, he was the first thing that came along. I hear so much of my story in her's. Small towns, military bases and active duty members ruin so many girls and young women before they have a chance to stand on their own without influence. Thank you for transparently sharing your story. Thank you for shedding light on how horrific and normalized these situations really are. You're helping to save thousands.💕
The amount of times that she apologizes for being transparent and admitting what happened to her, kills me. I’m so very very sad about it but I’m so incredibly proud of who she continued to be. She’s so sweet and well spoken. I’m so glad she got out. She deserves more than life can give her.
Because its BS its 100 her fault. I bet she had 1000 nice boys in her friend zone who didnt give her the tingles. Ever said "i just dont see you like that" ?? If yes, you are part of the problem.
@@fqirlyfire is that important? Go make my point invalid. You cant. Your only solution is trying to insult me because you know im right. Dating brute Killers ( military guys) and crying im a victim later is so pathetic. She made a live choice by doing so. Stop acting like women dont deserve the obvious outcome of their actions as everyone else.
@@ferninthewild8584 how woulď you know ? Maybe im a 6/6/6 who is just amused about womens hypocrisy ? But well done insults just show im right but you cant admit it
@@brittany7252 Agree but due to the uniforms the spouses are often not given help. Like who do you call when the person harming you is the same person your told to call and ask for help.
@@brittany7252 Yeah abuse is everywhere but people tend to idolize uniforms. It's the most annoying thing. I knew a guy who became a cop who has no business being a cop.
@@brittany7252true but cops and military are two groups that train their own ranks with a harsh authoritarian system that often involves violence, and plenty of fear and intimidation. Sadly it’s all too common for people who have been through these programs to either adopt that mentality and enact it on people close to them, or feel traumatized by it and not know how to deal with it, so again they take it out on people close to them. A guy I grew up with changed a LOT post-military. He ended up murdering his wife before she was even 20.
@@brittany7252 in my hometown it’s called the Blue Brotherhood. Bc cops and firefighters stick together. No one will help someone who is up against men of authority who will also make their lives a living hell. It’s a different world when the ones who are supposed to be protecting you are as a group abusing you.
Devorah was built for allowing people to tell their story, I've been balling my eyes out for half of this. She is so incredibly strong for being able to get to the point where she can share this. I really wish the absolute best for her and her daughter, I wish I could just give her a hug.
The laughs of disbelief in her voice as she continously tells her story. To be able to dive back in and speak on her traumas into existence to the public requires so much strength. I am proud of her.
It felt validating to me because of my own horrible decisions that were a result of manipulation. I often find myself blaming myself and then feeling icky for blaming myself but it's a cycle that's hard to get out of. Her saying the sharks in the water helped me at least for a moment feel a little less bad.
Being a soldier means you made killing people for the greed of the ones in power your life. Nobody who does that is a good person. Military people are morally corrupt when they get into the army and they are traumatized, addicted and morally corrupt later. Avoid these people at all cost.
@@zamfambam I wasn’t suggesting that at all. I come from a long line of military service in my family, and all were good people except a now deceased relative who was a pedo!
When she said about the part of women blaming themselves for picking the wrong men, I felt seen, I needed to hear that. We feel broken because this predadors exist and feast on our good intentions, but there was nothing broken on us, but everything on them, let's start healing sisters !
At 18 she was an adult and should have taken responsibility from then on. If people don't think 18 year old are capable of that, the age of maturity needs to be raised.
This interview hit home. I filed a police report against my rapist and he joined the military for protection. My case was dismissed due to "hearsay." When she talked about not being able to prove it was noncensual I felt that.
Alexandra, I relate to you. I was in a secret relationship as a middle schooler with a 23 year old. I had hyperemesis Gravadarum with my pregnancies. I've been sexually abused. I live in Iowa. I turned this on for background noise and the algorithm really THREW you at me. I feel your pain. You are heard and your story is a light to others.
Its so eye opening to see how common her story is to mine. I always tend to dismiss what happened to me as "not that bad". She spoke with such grace. She did amazing recounting her story.
1:53:26 I had to pause and take some deep breaths when she described how her abuser's demeanor changed. A friend of mine described her abusive ex's eyes going dark like that the night he tried to kill her. The fact that either of them - Alexandra or my friend - are alive is a miracle.
@@gailsargeant4773It's not just narcissistic but demonic. It's full of evil and demonic possession.. Satan's mission is known for trying to steal, kill, and destroy. His minions are known for doing the same! Sadly, not many people think of this because it's tied to spirituality, and people only focus on mental, emotional and physical health and wellbeing, etc. They always leave out Spirituality even though EVERYONE is spiritual, whether they say they are or not.
Honestly he needs to be striped of his title medals for his crimes! Shame on the justice system- men like him are not who should be representing our country and should not be a shield for his actions! He did more harm to people then he did good in the service! You truly are a strong woman- thank you for sharing you story and helping others
Auditur et altera pars (Latin). Lets hear the other side. Dont forget that this is her side of the story. Dont judge until you hear all the sides of the story
0.01 childhood 9:15 meeting Ian 15:30 Dads tacit approval 20:00 relationship with mum 24:00 Ian grooming 29:30 military - a license to abuse? 32:45 hysterectomy from injury 34:15 p0rn to groom 38:40 coercion and egg ression 42:45 Ian's personas 45:35 side note: this.. is... 🤮 54:00 vulnerability 59:20 pin point first aggression? 1:03:28 types of control 1:10:10 2nd child birth 1:12:50 swinging / cheating 1:19:30 therapy and threats 1:22:50 start of camming 1:29:40 forensic interview 1:33:00 PD involved 1:36:20 trauma injuries 1:40:00 other trauma victims 1:41:00 statute of limitations and consent 1:42:00 it was traffic 1:45:25 lost foster kids?? 1:46:40 religion and s ..ex awareness, consent, abstenance 1:49:00 DV removal of Ian 1:51:50 that video used by the police.. its on tiktok
Thanks! It will take me a while to get through, was sue forced on threat of violence or death to do certain things or is this just a long grooming. And conditioning explanation.
Thank you for posting this, I'm 17:05 minutes it and already tearing up and having an anxiety attack. Not a survivor myself, but I'm not one of those people that can listen to the horrible things that women (people) have had to live through. Reading it is much easier.
The abuse & trauma she endured, one example her wedding night, makes me literally sick to my stomach. The perversion mixed with religion makes it even that much more cringe. She's so amazing, and a total bad ass for being to tell her story! ❤️
i knew i was abused but then i heard this story and in retrospect i was way more abused than i thought. i’m glad you made it out thank you for your story it’s an eye opener and you are brave!!!
“He conditioned me I wasn’t allowed to cry out if I was hurt” somehow that’s just ringing round my head like a pinball machine. Too close to home with the dad stuff
26:48 "Since the moment I was 15 I was so ready to be 18. I was never allowed to be a child. My childhood- my innocence was taken away. So I was just so ready to be an adult. Even though I wasn't ready to be an adult." That hits home hard. 💔
SAME. I spent ages 14-17 DESPERATE to turn 18... i think i knew my childhood was over and i couldn't handle that intermediary period bc i was treated like an adult, but had no real power or control over my life 😕
Same for me too. From the age of like 13 up until days before I turned 18, I desperately wanted to be an adult. I just felt the need to get away from my abusive family situation because it was so bad for me.
The trauma this poor child went through, a lot of women never get the chance to speak out , I hope her story helps other women possibly going through this . Prayers for her healing ❤
her testimony is so powerful, and every little detail aligns heavily with other abuse cases... it's pretty clear to me that this man should and will be behind bars in the future. he is horriffic.
Being forced to watch porn with someone is beyond traumatizing. I’ve been in that position twice. It’s disgusting and leaves you with no other option but to completely disassociate. This woman has been through the ringer. She is incredibly strong and self aware. Sending lots of love to you!❤️
When she said: What gives me solace is that I cannot understand why these things happened to me, because I am not sick. If I ever start to understand why, it would be a problem. It really stuck with me! I have struggled with my own trauma and this honestly helped me a lot!
wow, this woman is so so so impressive. the way she's able to talk so calmly about all the shit that she's been through! i'm insanely glad that she made it out alive, she's the true wounded warrior
From one survivor to another I wanted to acknowledge the fact that YOU are the hero of your life story. The hours of intense therapy and the hard work of digging deep and purging the trauma has crafted you into an exemplary role model for not only your daughter but all of our daughters. I hope one day you will get the justice you are due. 💚
Alexandra you should reach out to Mile higher podcast! Kendall and her husband deal with a lot of true crime cases and spread a lot of awareness within the community. They have helped bring more eyes on many stories! They are also located in Colorado!
It’s also part of why the facade of public facing mental health vs the reality is important to talk about. I really hope victims speaking out helps people in older generations understand their own abuse and the systemic and cultural roots it has. She was groomed by her upbringing and when you’re in that situation the disassociation can really keep you from understanding what happened. ❤
This is the first ep of the We're All Insane podcast ive ever listened to/watched and I have to say as a young mom and dv survivor seeing Alexandra talk so confidently and look someone in the eye while speaking made me break down the entire two hours I felt gutted listening to your story but take some sort of comfort in knowing Im not the only person to have gone through such traumatic things. thank you for speaking on this podcast and continuing to tell your story. I hope to one day be able to talk through it in therapy and be as strong as Alexandra. truly thank you.
Omg....."im never gonna understand cause im not sick" this hit me so hard. I need things to make sense for me, my abuse doesnt make sense to me. This statement helped me a lot.
This was so incredibly powerful. As a survivor of DV as a teenage mom, I have always made the little excuses like you said "at least I made the decision to drink". This is really making me re-evaluate that entire relationship. More people need to see this interview! It is an eye opener.
I really appreciate the fact that you let the people tell their stories uninterrupted. being an avid podcast listener a lot of people don’t know how to do it 🖤 much love to the both of you
She is so brave to share her story! She will help many from talking about it! Thank you host for providing her the space and grace to tell her story. 💕
She has one of the loveliest and most controlled and supported speaking voices I've ever heard. I think I could listen to her read the dictionary as a soothing bedtime story. All that aside, I just came across the podcast and love it. New subscriber for sure. Thank you for sharing your story, Alexandra. You're incredibly strong
I just stumbled across this podcast! Out of sheer coincidence… I felt bad whenever Alexandra laughed while telling these atrocious details… isn’t it just so sad how we would laugh as a coping mechanism…
Lovely voice. I can listen to her talk all day ❤ The end where she said "being a divorced kid, I just wanted a family" hit me so hard...so glad she was able to get out of her situation and share her story. Thank you 🙏
I love how you sit back and just listen with no judgement. simply there to allow her the space to be vulnerable, and you can see that she feels that too. love watching these!
Thank you for bringing to light the “missing” foster children. Not many people know about this. And it is an extremely sad, & horrific reality. Some foster children are taken and used for sex trafficking and even for human sacrifice for demonic purposes. I wish these truths came to light. I was a foster child & I didn’t experience this, but I have friends who have. Thank you!
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This is horrible. Thank you for speaking out. I'm glad you did not have to go through that but I pray for those who have. I really want to be a foster parent but I'm scared I don't have the necessary skills for a traumatized child. But..... you saying this makes my rethink. At least they would be safe, clean, loved and given a place of peace and family.
At the age of 17 I was with a 41 year old man. I can relate to this woman SOOOO MUCH. GOD I WAS BRAINWASHED!!!! I had 3 step children that was 14 years older than me!!!
@@flori7246 Yes Im doing my bit to teach young women how to behave. The commentator is claiming that the youngest child of her 41 year old boy friend was 31 years old when she was 17. So her boyfriend had his third child when he was only 10 years old. If the other 2 weren't triplets he had his first child when he was 8 years old. I think if women stopped lying so much they might be believed more.
@@BrianHareBourne "young women", we are talking about CHILDREN here, MINORS, they are in no way doing something wrong when they are in a relationship with GROWN FUCKING MEN. even if either of these women were legally an adult at the time right at 18, that is nowhere near the mental stage people that are 30+ yrs old are at. they are still a fucking child. they don't need to 'learn how to behave' at all. these grown fucking adults need to learn how to STOP GOING AFTER CHILDREN, or need to actually get thrown in jail like they deserve. absolutely disgusting
@@BrianHareBourne I pray you don't have girls bc you are going to fk those poor things up on the head badly and irrevocably if you do. It's pretty clear to me your calling someone a liar over a typo - I'm betting she meant that she was 14 years older than them, meaning her dad was 38 when he had them, not 10, sounds a lot more reasonable to me don't you agree? There's so much wrong with everything you've said, from the part about teaching daughters while they're still marketable because men like you have some backwoods idea that women lose all their value after their 20s, whereas of course men who also age the same biological way get better in your version of reality bc it makes you feel better - to the part about tons of women lying about being raped and done unimaginable harm at the hands of some really sick and sadistic men when in reality the number of women who lie about these things is well under 5%... Idk, you sound like a lost cause so idk why I'm trying to use logic and reason on an illogical and unreasonable person, I just genuinely feel terrible for the inevitable mental suffering of your future or present wife and children when this is honestly the way you feel about women.
Imagine what was done to the women of Iraq and Afghanistan, the same women and little girls that war hawks want to “save”, and hope to “educate”. The criminals that were never tried for human rights violations are your next door neighbours, and want to be seen as those that died or talked openly and clearly about what they saw (and want accountability for what was done). They are not.
Being in love with the idea of being married and having a husband is a very dangerous state of mind and it’s a good thing people are becoming aware of the madness out there
There are good men out there, you just have to pay attention. Obviously it’s not her fault, especially how young she was, but there are red flags. You have to educate yourself on what to look for and avoid. It’s not all bad, and all men aren’t bad. It’s just unfortunate you have to keep an eye out for the bad ones
she says no one wanted to date her, she was overweight and unattractive, that's why she blindly followed that creep. she never cared about having a career or a life of her own. she just wanted a man. her daddy issues clearly conditioned her, but so did her low self esteem. you can't blame anyone but yourself for that. when you prefer being with a monster rather than being on your own, it's a YOU problem. and it happens all the time with teenagers. we need to be encouraged to be our own person with our own goals and dreams. if having a husband is your only goal in life you are f*cked. i also wonder why she never mentions having any friends during the 2 hour podcast, not even when she was young. she evidently needed therapy from the beginning. she was his pawn because she was empty, she had no personality at all, no interest in nothing other than men.
@@MariaGonzalez-mt3px That's where you're wrong and it's clear that you've never been through childhood abuse OR you have and you're entirely projecting your own insecurities onto this woman who perhaps you've gone through a very similar situation to. When you're conditioned in childhood for controlling men to be normal and right, then you have no idea of knowing that it's coming from a place of low self esteem. That's as simple as it is. You don't know everything when you're 17 as much as you want to think you do. Duh??? How can you be so obtuse lmao. You remind me of myself when I'm in a very dark place mentally. Good luck with your issues ma'am
1:58:51 I ALMOST made it to the end without tears (which is rare for me because I’m a softie) but the moment I heard Alexandra say she still loved him despite all of the abuse…. I lost it. I’ve been there too. It’s so disorienting and depressing to think that you could love someone who hurt you in such horrific ways. Ugh. I’m so grateful to you for sharing your experience with us and I’m inspired by how amazing you’ve become despite all of the undeserved obstacles in your life. Girl you’re an inspiration!! Strong incredible woman who I admire greatly.
I’m from Williston, North Dakota. It gives me chills to think this guy was around when I was growing up as a pre-teen/teen. Thank you for sharing your story
I started crying with her when her voice started to break when she was saying she loved who she thought he was and that she wanted a family 🥹 sweet girl. My heart goes out to her
She is such a great speaker and story teller. I was captivated the entire time. I could listen to her all day. What a heart breaking story she has, but what an amazingly strong woman she is. I hope she makes a podcast of her own. She could help so many individuals.
I remember when my "boyfriend"/ groomer, 17yrs and 28yrs, forced me into sodomy and i cried the whole time and he later laughed at me for it. I can only imagine her pain. ❤
Can’t imagine her going through all the sexual abuse RIGHT AFTER SHE HAD A BABY. As a woman who had a child 2 years ago, I still feel post-partum in many ways, and I can’t imagine having so much sex (non-consensual!) right after I gave birth to my baby… it’s just soooo scary. Poor girl! Yet she is so strong and brave. Thank you for this interview!
Right?? It took me over a year to heal and want to have sex again. Penetration hurt and I had a c-section? I don't know if it's like that for everyone who has c-sections, it seemed strange to me.
This is by far one of my favorites videos on this channel. My heart goes out to her and I hope she gets justice for the detrimental experience she has gone through.
The fact that she even worries about the kids that had a birthday party next door to her home, gets to show what a caring person she is, thinking of everyone even trough all that trauma.
What a heck of a story for such a young teen to endure.🥺 Alexandra describing the last moments before the cops came to the house had me frightened for her and her baby. I can’t begin to imagine. I’m so glad she’s okay, alive and sharing her story. That man deserves to be in prison for life. The fact he’s roaming free, continuing to deceive, sex traffic, abuse vulnerable females is horrifying. May all survivors get justice and peace.
Not to mention all of the children that he is putting through this!! (Not just the girls but the babies he’s making with them!) leaving a wake of broken homes and traumatized women and their babies😢
I literally had my mouth open in shock and horror listening to her story. I can’t even imagine the pain and strength you’ve had to endure in every sense. Thank you for sharing 💕💕
Thank you for talking about this. I am also a survivor of trafficking and this is so validating to hear. I am so sorry that so much was taken from you against your will. You are so strong to talk about it. I still can’t fully talk about my experience. You give me hope.
I think one thing people may not understand is that if you are groomed like this from an early age and never establish proper boundaries through your life, you will repeat the behavior. Unfortunately people will then blame you as an adult for not knowing better despite having no exposure or understanding to a different way.
