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This was so beautiful to listen to both you and Dr.Buqué were so insightful I learned so much and I think I will be listening to this program time and time again and put it in practice 🙏🏼
❤ YES ❤ Love & look after yourself then you can turn all around "rise above it all". Find what way makes you happy to have the peace, you seek in life. Stop worrying, nothing that bad that you can't live with, put it to mind answers come to you effortlessly "always seek & you will find". Live the life that makes you happy, don't let others pull you down ever no matter what. Do your best, if you do right things in life you can't go too far wrong. Appreciate your beautiful life, there's always someone in the world worse off than you. If someone has wronged you doesn't mean you have to do same back, just make sure you don't pull yourself down to their level - all is taken care of without doing a thing, remember no-one gets away with doing wrong. Smile even when hurting, help others. Life's too short. Trust all's well ❤
I was horrified when I discovered that my middle school son had been sleeping with a knife underneath his mattress, because of his fear that I was in a 4th violent relationship. (Repetition Compulsion?) He had pledged to himself that he would not let it happen again. He had decided to protect & defend me - as a child. That’s when I knew that it was time to escape. . . again. For years now, my son & I together haven been “doing the work!” I am stronger & better! So is he.
This is so true! I talked with my grandmother about her upbringing, parents, and grandparents. All those generations of my family, and they're all broken and traumatized people. I’ve finally had enough of this cycle. I’m changing myself and setting a better example for my family. It's time to own all this bad behavior and heal.
Yes I do agree - you have to heal yourself - because no therapist can heal you from your trauma - most therapists make it worst - leave your hands by any medications or drugs - its not helpful at all - this is what I had to find out the hard way. Grieving, journaling and find a real honest friend, who can really listen to you every once in a while - going for walks out in nature -that´s really helpful - because healing from trauma is a personal and very private path - therapists can´t heal any trauma at all.
@@claudiaschneider5744 Yes! Anti-depressants and sleeping medication made me crazy. All I needed was someone to help me understand what I was experiencing and then give me guidance on how to heal. Those pills are nothing but poison, and the doctors who prescribe them have no idea how they’re going to affect their patients. All any of us need are healthy ways to overcome trauma. Not drugs.
@@claudiaschneider5744mine helped me. My therapist and I have a lot in common and I appreciate people who are direct and honest with me. She was willing to do that. Her help was priceless because she was willing to get on my level.
45:20 - Tribal elders believe this too; trauma goes back seven generations, but they also believe if the individual heals themselves, they heal those past generations, the present and future generations. They say it's a powerful moment--I've been doing a lot of work on myself lately to ensure this powerful moment ripples to the past and future.
@djwindagopatterson5164 For those relatives you’re describing, they are still called to be a good relative to all around them. First with the Creator, and then with his creation.
literally took me 5yrs to release old learned dogmatic beliefs,forgiveness to many who disrespected me as a child,loving myself again & gaining more courage to leave anything n anyone alone not aligned with my peace also core values…. im 45 so how ever long it take you to start your self awareness journey willl be that much longer to heal your mind
Thank you Doc. for sharing this very important conversation with us. I've personally struggled with childhood traumas from possibly 2 generations up thus this discussion has really been helpful in me identifying the root causes and cutting them off. This ends with me. ❤❤❤❤❤
46:35 “A scent takes you back…” My father has been gone (passed away) for over 44 years but when I smell Old Spice, I recall his hugs and smiles. Yes scent is powerful.
Right, one day I walked and one lady passing by me and I smell cilantro 🌿 omg very strong she has a very big cilantro plant and I go back to my childhood and seconds and I remember my grandpa , at the moment I was very sad for something and the same moment I said you are here thank you ❤
@@rahwa138 hello. Sometimes the beginning is the hardest part. I’ve always been reminded to take baby steps at first to create momentum even if it’s headed towards the wrong direction the small baby steps will let you know to change your direction to a clearer direction. For me, because I had no idea how I felt how I reacted what I liked or what I disliked, I had to study and gain some knowledge about the conscious and the subconscious or triggers that caused me to emotionally spiral. you can do it. We are all fighting to become the best version of ourselves, so you are not alone my friend
@v10letv1xen9 It plays a part of my "prayer" ritual as soon as I open my eyes every morning. Giving thanks for everything dear to me in my life. Too numerous to mention here. Giving thanks brings on more of what you are grateful for.
@@v10letv1xen9 Definitely does ❤ I will always give thanks to our Great Creator God, Jesus "Wholly Spirit", Guardian Angels, Spiritual Guides & all my loved ones who have passed ❤ for giving me my life & for all the things (& more) that they did for me, will never forget them ever ❤
She has the energy of a gifted healer. She’s the featured guest but I admire the way she hangs back and listens to Lewis without once cutting him off. Her insights into human behavior and trauma is very enlightening.
Teaching a child to vet people - set boundaries and hold their standards. I love advocacing for systematic change for your children in any community. Let's protect them.
Wow, this comment was so needed!!! What you just stated could actually save many from trauma induced ptsd, and other mental and emotional issues due to trauma and even narcissistic abuse. Boundaries are definitely key. Wish I would've been given the wisdom of setting boundaries.
Vetting & learning how to set boundaries are things I wished I learned earlier on as child. Those 2 key components can boost trust & high self esteem in oneself
I love this. I’m 50 and when I was coming up I was forced to be around horrible people. No one listened to my feelings and how I didn’t want to be around them. “Children are to be seen and not heard” was the Boomer quote for adults. I love that things are getting so much healthier.
5:55 how to do a trauma assessment 6:10 a knot in the stomach is the nervous system turning on 9:14 the first step is telling the story and seeing how our body responds 9:32 step two is relaxation 10:30 if not addressed it can be disease
Easiest way is to recall an event and once you feel a body reaction you have to keep feeling that so that feeling will flow freely and clear from your body. Usually at the end the memory of the event will be recalled clearly as it is released.
I heard the greatest gift you could give a child is your happiness...As much as i loved my son i have to admit what I excuded from my inner core was my pain and bitterness about life. So sad he ran away as far as he could from me. I pray he finds compassion and forgiveness in his heart and know that it was never my intent to cause him harm in any way. 💔💕💞
I dropped out of therapy after losing 3 counselors within one year. I can't keep traumatizing myself by telling my story and getting comfortable with a therapist only to lose them a few months later then have to start all over again with a new one. 😓 I felt better when i stopped going altogether, like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I've found that I am my best therapist.
Our health care system is ridiculous (I have no idea why these mental health therapists keep quitting and changing but it should be illegal), but I'm not so sure that losing 3 therapists was an entirely bad thing. I attended celebrate recovery and they kept telling us to "keep coming back" (emphasizing that people need to go for years to be healed) and most of the people running those groups weren't even professional. Many of us left far hurt and more traumatized than when we came in and it's such a shame to see people leaving a "recovery" group with even *more* work to do because they were traumatized by untrained people (and in some cases by people who deliberately struck out to hurt others). The best healing I have ever had is Prayer and going no contact from toxic people. Only until we get away from the toxicity or abuse can we begin to properly process what happened. I know a lot of us in the recovery group felt so triggered and hurt by the leaders that were untrained and uncaring, and malicious *sick* people in the groups. There was at least 1 person in our group that committed the ultimate self-harm. Professional therapy also has hurt so many people. I know of a lady who went to therapy and her abusive partner honed his way in. It soon turned into "couples therapy" and I'm not quite sure why that therapist would do that when the lady went to deal with abuse from that guy to begin with. He used the therapy as a platform to further hurt her and the therapist went right along with it. Sometimes, I think the best therapy ever is just getting alone away from all the abuse and talking to God. ❤
The reward is worth the pain of going through the fire! It can take years and decades and those that feel it’s too much need it the most ! Not possible a person to see their own blindspots ! Don’t give up on yourself , it’s like cooking for the first time , if it’s for your survival you’ll keep trying . Our brains literally NEED THE HEALING even if we don’t see if outwardly . Hope this helps and good luck 🧘🏾♀️
I am so sorry to hear that and that you had to go through this. I get so upset with colleagues doing this. I think it strides twords therapeutic ethics. Although I am trained in my home country Sweden, and this is not at all a useful way over here...
I'm in my sixties and I've been through a lot as a young man emotionally but I started doing yoga in the nineties thanks to a friend who gave me a book.I have to say that it has been very helpful I still practice it and I just feel the inner peace within myself because I also have a younger wife and three children and I just tell them everyday that I love them because I believe true love helps with truma.
I entirely agree with her definition of greatness. Life can kick you down in so many ways, but it’s also n getting back up that we achieve greatness. Finding that courage deep within to keep going no matter how hard, no matter the odds. That is true greatness. And for anyone who has been kicked down in life, I see you, I believe in you, and never give up. Always bet on you!
Look at Lewis go!! I also came from intense emotional abuse from a parent and it’s been twenty years of healing with abundant fruit. It is 1,00000000 percent work. There is no other way but through and that is the hero story. Good job man, you’re heavy hitting in the emotional growth world. And Namaste, this woman is a Goddess. Dear wow, you can feel the wisdom and breath and goodness flowing from her. What a great way to bring peace to the world at large. Loved this. 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
Thanks for this. I once read a quote that the most beautiful gift a parent can give to a child, the absence of working through terrible childhood for the rest of their life. This quote stuck with me. It is the absolute truth. The gift of a normal loving childhood lays a foundation for a child to excel in life. I think the biggest thing people miss is that once your childhood is damaged, you will spend the rest of your life working through it and healing. And yes, it does get better, but the work and healing process is for a lifetime.
That is the first time I’ve ever heard somebody talk about when you go see a therapist you have to relive your story. I literally dropped out because I thought it was ridiculous and awful. I’m just glad to be validated through what you said in the beginning of this. Thank you.
I was 16 yrs old when I was legally able to be emancipated from my parents. In my 50's now and continually learning and evolving in the healing journey.
This is an interesting conversation, it makes me confirm that salvation is the best choice and that’s what gives us the higher self and inner peace. Our maker knows what’s best for us. So awesome to know how the world is zeroing in on the aspects of the faith. Love it.
WOW, WOW, WOWWWWWW!!! The nuggets imparted in this video are PRICELESS for every area of life. I'm at a lost for words to express how much this inspired me to continue the process of harmony & breaking my own generational cycles. This video would bring healing to countless families, marriages, children, & more. The information in this podcast was probably the most INCREDIBLE, INSIGHTFUL, & EDUCATIONAL video that I have ever seen regarding how we pass down toxic behaviors up to seven or more generations!!! And the things we can do to break those cycles, so we do not continue them into the next generation. Thank you Dr. Buque & Lewis for this life changing video! You are truly inspiring people. As a female business owner who is learning & practicing many of the tools that were mentioned in this video to help me cope with stress, better self-care, & more, this video was what I needed to go to the next level. I believe that the knowledge this video imparted would begin the catalyst for better harmony in every area of one's life. It is my hope that the message in this video will reach billions of people & begin the process for better marriages, children having more self-love, schools implementing more tools to help children, and more! Cheers, the U.S.
Loved this. I grew up in and out of therapy. Learning about trauma healing as an adult is what's changing my life. I like how Dr. Buque talked about having patience with family being one of her challenges. Kathleen Smith said in her book "Everything Isn't Terrible" that if you can learn how to manage anxiety around your family, then you can manage it anywhere. I felt that 😂❤
Thank you for telling me that! My sisters triggered me for years! I finally got a therapist to help me unpack the pain! New tools and finally peace inside!
This is my issue, I am seeing a therapist now to heal my childhood wounds .I want to be a better person for myself and people around me also a better parent for my kids.Thank you for sharing.
As a parent of a 6 and 4 year old who has had the experience of toxic parental interactions in the presence of my children I am really grateful to you for asking this question Lewis. I've wondered hundreds of times on hundreds of days about what I can do to help my children heal and recover from the trauma of experiencing unhealthy relationship patterns and toxic communication that has been passed down through generational trauma. Thank you!
Yes, I learned why a person who had the American dream still felt worthless and self destructive; I learned the importance and meaning of compassion, ❤
It’s not just that we ‘feel vulnerable’ ..we ARE vulnerable - until we develop a life set up and personal empowerment that enables us to keep dangerous and manipulative people away from us. That takes a lot of learning and we need a lot expert support - we have so many blind spots and wounding that it’s so easy for predators to pick us out of a crowd while all those around us don’t know what we’re anxious about, because they are safe and don’t get preyed upon.
Very true. I have been doing a lot of internal work and am still learning how to not become a victim again. It is a struggle for sure. Blessings of love and light to all!
Do this for two years and you will never want to stop as its so wonderful to fall in love with yourself. And evolving is so freaking fun and exciting!❤
All these awesome people in this comment section stating that they are doing the work breaking these generational traumas and healing are strong resilient and powerful not doing this just for themselves because we deserve better but future generations. Bless you all 🙏🏼
Thank you for shedding light on such an important topic. Childhood trauma may shape us, but it doesn't define us🥺. Let's spread love, understanding, and support to all those healing from their past. Together, we can create brighter tomorrows 😍❤️🤌🏽
Oh my God that is great I’ve been in therapy for 20+ years and I’ve gone to all kinds of therapy types of therapy and I used to be suicidal bulimic have anxiety and depression and I got rid of everything and my daughter has anxiety my son has depression so pass that onto them but I overcame it and I think that’s exactly what happened I’ve done so much intense work on myself and it was hell I had major panic attacks I had to take medication for panic attacks and I overcame everything I think I healed myself from the generational trauma but it didn’t take two years it took20 and by the grace of God I have gotten rid of these
I totally 7nderstans. It took me just as long. Being the only one to walk the path, showing up in family and friendship circles that presented resistance to my decision. That was so intense.
I love the way Lewis has also opened up here. This doctor has so much calm and emotional intelligence. I really loved listening to this. Often when I listen to similar people, I end up feeling more anxious 😟 as they communicate in an almost aggressive manner😮 I will listen to this several times ❤
Not even 10 mins in and this woman has brought up so many valid points that deeply resonated with me,specifically to what she was speaking on with going to see a therapist.
Its taken me 7 years of continuous healing. I mostly used meditation and reflection and time in nature. In the last years I did cold water wild swimming which helped a lot. Then I discovered breathwork which has catapulted my healing. Grounding ( barefoot on the grass) cold water swimming, and breathwork has worked so fast to heal me. Brought up so many realisations about why I felt certain things why I behaved certain ways etc. I definitely recommend these last 3 things will save you from many of suffering.
I do daily breath work and meditation which is highly effective. I also take regular walks outside in the sunshine ideally in nature which is immediately calming. I exercise regularly but it's not all high energy and intense which only raises cortisol levels and can be counterproductive
@aml8760 all kinds of yoga breathwork (kundalini etc) like breath of fire, the 4-7-8 breath, box breath, breath retention and others. Breathe with Sandy is great and he's not hard to look att. Lol
This is the most beautiful and heartwarming podcast I’ve ever seen! Dr Buquê has the gift of sharing her knowledge with great calmness and warmth! Easy to understand and practice! Thank you. ❤
Practice of meditation and yoga helps me in my healing journey, yoga is more of work in than work out, innerwork! Keeps affirming that i am a work in progress! Solitude and doing solo travelling makes me strong and resilient. More inner peace and harmony with myself❤ love, peace, joy and healing everyone! Namaste✌️
Just realized why you interrupted her so much because this topic hit home with you so much. I apologize for my earlier comment of saying to "let her talk, shes the expert". I hope you heal from your trauma just like Im determined to heal from mine❤❤❤
Self discipline Knowledge is for me listening to the pain acknowledging the triggers releasing Helps in whatever works to bring me to the Greatness within Amen ☘️
Thanks, Dr. Buqué for saying that as parents we need to becareful how we speak to our kids about body size. My dad always called me fat and this year I learned that I developed a binge eating disorder. This was so eye-opening. 💔
My mom always had something to say about my weight. Shes never even been a healthy weight herself. She trained me to avoid big emotions and to never bother to adress things with other people. It was always she told me shed handle it. And then shed give me the mom look whenever i would reach for food at a family function because i wasn't allowed to confront the abuse I faced within the family. What options did i have but to become a binge eater who used food to pacify very difficult emotions without any support to figure out ways to deal with my feelings in a healthy way. Im in my late 40's and disabled with many chronic conditions
Lewis, In every exchange, your skill in asking the right questions sparks a deeper understanding, and I find myself learning and growing through your conversations with your guests. Your insightful inquiries not only illuminate the topics at hand but also create an engaging and enriching experience for those involved. Thank you for consistently bringing depth and clarity to your discussions. I truly value the knowledge and perspective you share.
Yes, totally agree! I learn communication skills ... drawing out more information to conceptualize ... that's what makes the 'greatness' so good! Good variety and collection of knowledgeable guests as well♡
This was such a powerful podcast. I must say to even listen to understand what is actually going on with the majority of us in this world I myself experienced so much trauma, and even when I think I have gotten over that trauma I’m triggered by something or someone and then I have new traumas, that just sets me off all over again to where I feel like it’s a roller coaster and a repeat cycle of some form of trauma. It is definitely mentally a challenge to the point where you become suicidal in engulfed in rage not knowing which way to turn. Thankfully I work in healthcare, so I know what I’m feeling and try to take a deep breath and avoid dealing with the emotions at the time because they’re so overbearing, the pain that I feel is unreal. My last crying episode sent me into a panic attack where I was crying uncontrollably and my face went numb. I felt like I couldn’t breathe so this message in this podcast is so real and much needed. Thank you. 🙏🏽
This is in line with what russel kennedy says about anxiety- that it is an alarm felt in our bodies- we need to speak safety, patience and kindness to our inner child in order to be able to sit with discomfort and to heal❤
Sheer devotion to healing and being at your best for especially your children was especially heightened after my abusive marriage..to not allow the chains of pain to continue generations after me. It is my “response ability” to do so. The work comes back to you ten fold ❤ you love better, connect better, and live so much more peacefully no matter the inevitable storms. It’s a beautiful harmony 🌈
At the hour mark of this video made me think about a relationship significant throughout my adult life......He told me "You alone are probably the one person who could actually 'fix me'...Follows it up (while chortling) "IF only I'd ever let you"....I haven't been with him for nearly 4 years now. I miss him everyday and so does he, as he worsens in isolation. And I find personal growth as a reclusive overly protective parent.
Thank you so much Lewis for brining this guest and enlighting us. This video trulty answers my prayer, I have gone through various trapped emotions that have started coming to the surface. I didn't know how to process them and this video came up today just in time. Also as a parent, feeling so much guilt and shame for passing on many unhealthy habits to my child. I have to frequently remind myself to be gentle and patience with myself and not beat myself up while going through this process.
Beautiful!! My sober healing journey these last 2 1/2 yrs has lead me to want to face my past traumas as it’s showing up in my body!! Thank you for more ideas
I was traumatized by an abusive 2nd marriage. I had a panic attack in Nov. 2021 after about a year of abuse. I was bankrupted by her and that plus work pressure and her emotional and physical abuse destroyed me. I have been suffering with anxiety, ptsd and depression since then. It is awful. Put the now ex wife is trying to get me and my family to rescue her from all her financial issues. I am Trauma Bonded and have a hard time walking away. My brain tells me that if I had $200k I would be able to get out of debt and get my life back. But , I also know I have to really heal myself.
Hard to understand, I had a Boyfriend who was like this to his ex! He hurt me big time running and helping a abuser! Now finely I understand! Hope you heal!
Great interview. Dr. Mariel Buqué suggests rocking can also reset the nervous system. I've been a chronic rocker since childhood and cannot sit for long without finding a rocking chair. Though normal amounts of rocking are usually a good thing, I wonder what's up for those of us who are maniacs about it. I remember a very few times in my life when a "healer" helped me get completely grounded in my body. I was able to comfortably sit still. I recall thinking, so this is what it's like to be normal! Hopefully rocking overdrive isn't doing harm, but I'm sure it's a sign of needing more nervous system regulation and grounding. Because even after doing it for hours, I'm still hypervigilant.
I truly appreciate the transparency and supportive suggestions offered in this discussion. Thank you for changing lives one step at a time!!! Amazing ✨️
I literally healed the pain that was lingering for weeks during this session. This therapy session was for me, i was looking for answers.I immediately called my therapist for a massage and booked one for.my child so we can peacefully go through this journey.Thank you so much
I am going through my healing process and everything she said truly helped me understand why I felt so isolated in my healing journey and why I feel so much anxiety around my family.
That’s stupid. Doctors & medicine are absolutely necessary. & have been thru the annals of time. There have always been shamed & doctors in our tribes. They are as much a gift and blessing as any other good thing on this planet. You all gain just a a smidge of awareness & take things too far. Look at Lewis’ team even supporting this ridiculous comment.
@@buddhaneosiddhananda8499 for me, this attitude is part of what has given me trauma. It seems that people take this for granted and treat you unkind. That is traumatizing tbh.
I totally loved how transparent you were during the whole episode. Dr Mariel has a beautiful aura to her. Learned so much from this single podcast, thanks Lewis for doing the great work.
1stly, what a beautiful woman. 2ndly, I have been trying to express this theory to my family; I have come to understand that I was carrying trauma from my ancestors. My healing has been for them and for myself.
It took me until I was 62 yrs to start FULLY processing the emotional and psychological neglect and trauma that I experienced as a child, and then in my long marriage and subsequent longer term relationship. I am so surprised at what comes up and I need to heal somewhat more before I consider entering another relationship. As a consequence I currently suffer MDD & severe anxiety. Meds definitely help biologically, but they are a Band-Aid for the root cause. I am working very hard to do the work. I can see how my past and my ex-husband’s past (including our parents) 41:07 have significantly affected our adult children. Thank you, this is wonderful information!
Thank you lewis and Dr Buque to bring such powerful insights and healing me from deep trauma encountered by 2 Narcissistic GF, the last one ditched me a few days back and now my last fight is with my contolling sister, keep growing you people. Thank you lewis.❤
The work soooo worth it. I do it for 3 years now and i changed for the better and very grateful for all this knowledge out there and the teachers That are really skilled like Dispenza, Lipton and all the others less famous ones
Thank you Lewis for always bringing content to elevate consciousness and reduce human suffering. Thank you for such an insightful interview and helping us be more conscious as individuals. 7 generations of trauma that is boxed in us blew my mind. Many of us become products of our nervous system response and it becomes so hard for adult minds sometimes to release those nervous system reactions. This is a conscious way of showing up , doing the work - to heal your inner child which is way more powerful than just birthing a child because this way - It’s health that you bring in great abundance to this world. Thank you Lewis Howes for bringing individuals and their work in your channel for us to be more conscious
This is amazing! I like the part about how retelling of ones past history can cause re-trauma, that's intelligent, she's the first Dr. I have seen that actually recognizes this, bravo! Thank you for this. :)