I was riveted by this interview for a quite a long while. I definitely understand aspects of your parent's marriage. I commend them for being open to talk about how imperfect a marriage can be and how it is up to them to choose how they will navigate it going forward. They have handled themselves quite well considering all the issues they've probably had to work through through the different stages of their lives. This was great food for thought for me. No judgement on them, only gratitude that these 2 souls were willing to share their 41 years of experience.
Shan I would love an episode if you haven’t already, that dissects how your parents relationship has impacted your beliefs, ideals, and current and past relationships
I'm sorry but this was stressful to watch. I can't imagine living in this verbal battle for a lifetime. But I certainly respect the transparency in sharing a part of their experience with us.
Her mom is exhausted. Bless her. Marriages staying together, in my opinion, because women decide to be in them. Men take up all the space they want and women bend around it until they can’t anymore. Some women bend until the day they die. ❤️❤️
I’m not even done with the episode but all I can think is how amazing it is you can have this conversation with your parents in the first place. The ownership they take of the parentification that happened to you and Lauren is amazing because my parents would never. They know it might not have been typical but it was what happened and for better or worse they did the damn thing raising both of you. They are so real about their flaws and relationship and I think that’s a really special dynamic to have with your parents, especially as you are coming into your own as a parent yourself.
One Hundred Percent. But i believe a big cause of that is that we have been ingrained with the fairytale personification of what romantic relationships SHOULD look like via media since we were children, and that has become our status quo. We struggle to accept things that go against our status quo. As much as some of us like to say that we are accepting of change or evolving, or “ want to be a safe space for vulnerability “, our minds simply aren’t ready to accept that what we have believed to be “truth “for our entire lives….is not truth.
Sorry but her parents relationship seems pretty toxic. Even if I’m sure there are good moments, it’s unfortunate to imagine the verbal combat and other things that must be very uncomfortable to live with, and around. As someone who grew up in a household with daily arguments and fighting, giving me a lifetime of anxiety that I’m still dealing with, yes I can love my parents individually but I was not sad at all when they finally divorced when I was around 18. And I wish they had divorced sooner so we didn’t have to grow up that way. It seems these two are bonded to eachother in a pretty dysfunctional way… I think many of us know what it’s like to be so into someone and find it so hard just to get away from them, to stop replying to their messages because we know it’s no good and it always ends in feelings of hurt or dissatisfaction. Well, I wish them the best, but it doesn’t seem like a very healthy thing. With all due respect to Shan and her parents,
Your parents have a trauma bound. This is co-dependency. Respectfully, I do commend them for being brave enough to share with us. If they like it I love it. Once more Thank you.
Exactly exactly that’s what I said meanwhile, nowhere in anyone’s conversation are people thinking about what their codependent traumatizing relationship is doing to the children believe me I grew up with a selfish parent that only cared about the drama that was going on with her and her husband and didn’t give a damn what I was going through
So interesting this could be a negative comment but there are trauma bonds that are bad and there are trauma bonds that have a purpose, no one is perfect and everyone has trauma, but whose trauma can you deal with and vice-versa? Relationships are hard and many will say impossible to maintain.
26:35 - 30:45 😢 I felt this all before she said it and have experienced it. I can really relate to Shans mom. Her dad was triggering me from the very beginning of their intro and as time went on I was 100% clear why. There really is love in excess for all bc as many found him funny I found him abrasive, avoidant and provocative. I can see him being with a different woman in another life that wouldn’t be moved by what is bothering me. Maybe a woman less intune, less emotionally available. I’ve actually seen it happen in real life. Shans mom probably could use more tenderness, appreciation, patience and curiosity. The jokes minimize or completely insult the connection. In opportunities of sentimentality, as she makes bids he cannot meet her or affirm their union, especially publicly. Another commentator mentioned Shans mom “may need to lean more into his humor.” I think there’s something to be said about that as well. It may help for her to accept he’s just not that emotionally expressive. It seems he’s trying but it feels so little so late that’s what gives off settling. He really may never be available the way she desires but there’s smthg to be said about tying. So much respect to you Shan for how you showed up and always show up so honestly and sharing your family. Respect to your parents as well.
This is the comment! I think this was one of the best interviews I've seen on this channel and I feel the same about her parents dynamic. I'm not sure if she should lean into his humor more because I think it's probably exhausting to keep trying to have a serious conversation with him where he deflects with humor can be draining and demoralizing. But they have what they have and are making conscious choices to be in the journey together, and it took a lot of vulnerability for the both of them to discuss and present their dynamic to Shans audience, which I commend. They probably aren't quite right for each other but have found something right within each other that they're comfortable with.
Some people tend to forget that humour is also used as a self defence mechanism, when you have to express feelings and you don’t know how or at times of high vulnerability./feeling uncomfortable Also, her dad has that immature child side of him that doesn’t want to grow up so he will make fun of everything. That can be at the cost of her getting annoyed or hurt by his behaviour but this is his reaction to it and she knows it. All together …a lot info to learn from.
He seems chill. I don't kno if he's a lover in bed and not in words or lover in actions eg. Gifts, chores or reliably... he's triggered yall cz u see something u don't lik from your own personal experience or childhood. Lot guys joke and joke about everything cz they don't got the skill to articulate emotions, they do t got estrogen or V**Gina. Makes huge difference plus who you chose or thought they were. I don't find him abrasive. Cz he more chill than woman. The woman mom is so triggered by him even though shan said they abusive to each other equally verbally etc
😭😭😭😭 Shan your mom has so much patience omg. Just watching their dynamic I don’t know how she manages to have a serious conversation with your dad 😭. He deflects a lot (all the time) and to do such a dance for 41yrs whew. I wish them all the best on their continued life journey. So beautiful to see different relationship systems because the world loves to pretend and I like that there was no pretending in this episode.
I'm sure she's been dealing with it for 41 years; it is old. She said he doesn't show vulnerability, and it's clear that he won't sacrifice deflecting to have a genuine conversation. You get tired of being the one who cares.@@andreavfirst
As they say, we, youtube people, don't know what's happening behind closed doors. They're talking to youtube, we're not in their intimacy, we might not even catch a fraction of it
I sincerely wish she had made you one of her press tour stops. So far I haven't heard anyone ask her questions that excavate what it was like as a woman losing yourself in someone else's ambition and also what it means to define for yourself what marriage and happiness means
24:45 he verbalized what was gently irritating me. “Olivia is easily antagonized and I love to antagonize people….” I so rarely use the word hate but I literally haaaate that shit. I hate when people intentionally provoke for humor or entertainment or escape. I hate it romantically and platonically. I chock it up to #1 Not being my type of humor(I don’t receive it as genuine playfulness) #2 I find it to lack maturity and often rooted in passive aggression. Couples specifically that seem to banter in that sarcastic way have always been interesting to me bc it’s like “Are you really enjoying this?”
I was trying to figure out a way to say this respectfully, so thank you! This personality type is extremely annoying to me…. I simply couldn’t cope with someone who doesn’t have the emotional capacity to not be condescending and sarcastic at my expense Is it co-dependence?
I just watched Jayda’s episode on the Jay Shetty podcast and it reminded me why I always respected her. The media really dragged her but the truth is she’s willing to go to the deepest depths of her own darkness to find truth. She’s healing from the inside out, not the outside in. Most people will live their lives never even realizing they have a shadow lerking. That’s why Jaydas so misunderstood because people don’t have the emotional capacity to really hear what she’s saying. Your parents are adorable btw. Thank you for sharing them with us!
☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾 I’ve been saying her “light is irritating their darkness.” She’s fighting to live authentically. Shes dealt with the dark parts and is courageously sharing some of that with the world and bc vulnerability is vilified as inappropriate or weak culturally speaking she’s being dragged by people with extremely limited emotional capacities.
I couldn't have said it any better. People don't have the emotional capacity to understand her. I love how honest she is. The rest of us are still hiding.
Exactly!!! The way Jada is working through her shadow self is so fascinating to see (esp since she's so open about it) bc it has ppl shook & they definitely don't have the spiritual, mental and emotional capacity to do so. Esp bc it requires radical self-acceptance and understanding that there are parts of ourselves that we don't like to acknowledge, bc growth is also painful and most ppl are afraid to be in tune with themselves wholeheartedly.
Dad is like a lot of West Indian people, they...we make a joke when we are uncomfortable or when we 'read' the room and feel tense or discomfort. I wanna say that my parents are also like Will and Jada & I honestly think that many marriages and long term relationships are like Will and Jada's. We just don't want to admit it. Love from T&T!
I think I may be in the minority but BASED ON THIS INTERVIEW I don’t think your dad is a “bad guy”. He’s funny, he likes to joke to “lighten the mood” but his jokes are relevant and they show that he is listening and he understands. I think your mom wants him to communicate more like a female and your dad wants your mom to just “brush things off” like a man. I think they could both benefit from a little more balance. I think you and Jared have excellent communication because you, Shan, are very in touch with your masculine side and Jared is in touch with his feminine side. Your parents have a lot to learn from each other I just hope they can do so more respectfully in the future.
Man I agree and also her dad is very good at being reserved. I can see that somethings her mother did hurt him and that’s why he jokes a bit but he doesn’t lash out on her
@@PowerGurhlDon't lash out at her?Have you been with them behind closed doors? Shan herself said "Dad you have been explosive to mom" (paraphrasing). Its giving "he's a good man savanah" cause y'all don't miss an opportunity to praise a man😂😂 And why would he lash out on her in a public interview?!?! Be f****g serious🤣🤣🤣
At the end of the day will was more obsessed with marriage than finding a partner who he was compatible with. Upon them disclosing their business it seems as if they were never compatible and always had their eyes on other people.
I was thinking the same thing. I still love me some Jada and I still love me some Will. They are human beings going through things just as any other couple. Their's just public 🤷🏽♀️
I know this was about your parents, but thank you for being so generous and vulnerable to share this with us. Your commitment to share, educate and help others is so beautiful and very much appreciated💞
I think we as a society are still stuck on just seeing/hearing about the nice conventional relationships. And we are quick to shutdown and push behind closed doors the truth about how messy and irrational some relationships can be. Especially if those relationships greatly distort or destroy society's standard of how relationships "should" be.
So true. I think it's partially due to television. Watching shows where people "fall in love" and viewing shows from "Leave it to Beaver" to "The Cosby Show", set us up for false expectations of what family looks like. Before TV, there were no such expectations of a parent child relationship except that you get fed, clothed and housed. Even young children were expected to pull their weight around the house. When we don't live up to the family standard of a sitcom, we feel as though we failed. It's an impossible standard because in real life we don't get retakes or the chance to cut and edit.
@@jhodie-alexi322 Thank you. The fictional standards of love relationships also set us up for failure. I've been married for over 25 years and although my marriage looks very much like the fictional standard, I realize that there are so many options for how we live and love. I have friends who are married but celibate, those who are married and are okay with an unofficial co-wife, those who have been involved in entanglements and numerous other sorts of situations. So many of their scenarios wouldn't work for me and I'm sure mine may not work for them. There is a scene in the movie Lackawanna Blues where S. Epatha Merkinson's character Nanny is explaining to her foster son why she puts up with "Uncle" Bill that goes " sometimes a man and a woman have an understanding that no one else understands, not even themselves." That just about sums up Will and Jada. Everybody else too.
I am not sure about this because it seems like most of society thinks, trauma bonds, codependency, and psychosis within a relationship is normal. Meanwhile, not giving a damn about any of the children that they have in there care. Y’all seem to be more worried about your own happiness and needs, and not their children.
I know that this is only a short video and it is just a first impression based on one conversation...BUT..I feel like her dad has a "non-stressful life" because everyone else is carrying the stress-load for him...e.g. he is making fun of everything and cannot be serious but her mom carries the load of all the repressed things he cannot even talk about. Your mom is so wonderfully patient and articulate, your dad is a lucky man.
I think that is a survival tactic for men of color of a certain age range. It’s almost like they have learned to emotionally detach and minimize traumatic experiences.
@@alexish8183yes, I think so too. But everyone can grow out of that, if they want to, and be the person their family needs them to be. That's what being an adult means, responsability. Hiding behind the motives is not maturity.
Your parents are funny but it can take it's toll when they are childlike. My parents didn't split up but they argued the same, it forces you to grow up early, be the mediator and in my adulthood I have become their advisor.
i don't know why people are acting like a lot of people do not live like this. Its outrage culture. We are all so used to the lie of perfect relationships, soul mates, love at first site and the fantasy of people actually ending up with who they really want versus who they just settled for in the interest of time...
I don't want a love at first sight relationship but I do want to be with someone who loves me and respects me . That should not be a fantasy. You should make room for love to grow.
@@lisah8438 You don't see all the pressure society pushes on people, especially WOMEN to get married? You don't hear people ask people "why are you STILL single?" If a society convinces people that not being partnered makes them defective in some way, people are going to end up married to the wrong people for the wrong reasons.
There are no words… the impact of this episode was life changing. Big thanks to your parents for being so vulnerable & courageous. And thank YOU for always setting the bar for what’s possible. I’m sure this what’s an “easy” conversation but you handled it with such grace and compassion. Your professionalism, tone, insights, and ability to navigate such a complex topic… inspiring. Sending you all your flowers. Xo
Love the hair color! Your comment about Jada intentionally framing it to take the blame is in the pattern of her sacrificing her desires for their marriage and Will's career
I can't really finish this video. Love to your parents but none of this is cute, it's not romantic. It's unhealthy. To fight infront of kids, say some of "the meanest things they've ever heard anyone say", break up and get back together again over and over during 41 years (and have friends and family advice you not to continue)..is toxic, probably codependent. It's super immature and selfish really. Any reasonable emotionally/mentally healthy and stable adult/parent would at some point have gone - you know what - we can't do this to our kids. But they are so consumed by themselves and their own feelings - they didn't care. All love to your parents for opening up about their dysfunctional relationship because I'm sure this isn't all that rare - but if anyone seeing this thinks it's cute or romantic.. nah. Letting go is healthy. Accepting you can't change a person is healthy. Seeking therapy if you find yourself in this situation is healthy. Don't romanticize it to yourself. Same for Will and Jada. A child does not legally emancipate themselves from their parents if they have a healthy upbringing. They have some weird secrets in that family.
This is also my mom and step dad for the past 35 years. I grew up thinking it was very strange and that my family was fucking weird and embarrassing and why couldn’t they just get it together?!?…..until 13 years into my own marriage, it started to warp into something that was much more complex than what we are shown as the norm. I suspect that many long term relationships are also not what we conventionally see. Thank you for shedding some light on it.
Honestly at this point Shan, you deserve to be interviewing some of the same folks Jay has. Idk how you’d be able to do it but some one needs to get connected to Jada and her team and have her come on 😭
Yes I haven’t seen this said before and haven’t thought of it myself but absolutely! Shan has the range and tact to handle and execute the guests at that level. I hope she somehow is able to get Jada while she’s on this press run. Anything’s possible. You may have ignited manifesting this for her. Shan and Jay are equally talented. They do my favorite interviews. ❤
Honestly, it wouldn't make any difference. Jada isn't being forthcoming and I don't think she's allowed to. That's why she sounds so narcissistic bc she uses a lot of word salads that skirt the real issue. I'm not sure why she even came out with all this knowing she really can't tell. There's a hell of a lot between her and WS. If it ever comes out we are definitely in for a lot.
I could be wrong, but I sort of feel like this is what happens when people get together young and decide to stick it out instead of leaving for good as soon as things get bad. You become more than just your relationship. You are like home to each other. No matter how crazy things might get and how much you may want to leave you’ll always return because there’s no place like home.
Or there’s no place like crazy and we could just be toxic emotionally damaged people not giving a damn about our children just deciding to be with someone because you’re lonely
Or you promised yourself that you would never truly give up on your spouse. You see their hurts and scars and you promise not to be an additional let down or failure. Friends for Life even when it’s really, really hard. 🤷🏽♀️
Shan, I think maybe your dad could get into standup comedy as a sort of way to vent his killer jokes out. He is seriously way too funny. But I can see AND FEEL how badly your mom wants him to just take a single conversation seriously.. Sending love to you and your fam!! 🫶❤️
I think her mom just wants him to shut the hell up. I’m sure everything he continues to say is old and repetitive to her. They are clearly codependent and too afraid to move on to something healthier bc that wld mean having to change if they had any chance in hell finding another partner bc no one at their age wld ever tolerate this nonsensical immature behavior
Shan you did a great job in hearing your parents out completely... not interrupting their responses to the question even if you may have wanted too. You were so loving and respectful in being a good listener. Some many people really struggle with being a listener. I could see a bit of Wil's personality the sense of humor in your dad the jovial and lighthearted not taking things so serious and your mom being more of the practical minded This was a very special episode and it is appreciated.
It’s so funny that you guys have learned to not acknowledge certain comments or things that your dad does 😂. This is a very interesting conversation 👍🏾
Let me tell a fun story associated with this. I had an audition with comedian Lunell to do an advice show where I was the expert and she…the Lunell in all her glory. Lunell and my dad have a very similar sense of humor yet during our test show I found myself not knowing what to say to the outrageous, purposefully provocative things she’d say. I was telling my sister how it’s sad that I didn’t meet the moment given I’d had a lifetime of training for this with my dad, but my sister pointed out that we mostly just ignore my dad’s comments so in actuality I performed exactly as I always have with that personality type 😂
@@shanboodyI'm watching 15mins in and your dad makes the corpse comment that had me spitting out my metaphorical tea but you and your mum blinked and moved on 😂😂😂😂😂
Thanks for your pov of how complex a relationship long-term really is. Also, Caribbean men have a hard timeee sharing intimate feelings because that was never modeled for them. I love your mom patience and awareness. Also, your dad is trying!
Interesting that you saw him as "trying", I saw the exact opposite. Shan's mom was very patiently, thoroughly describing how frustrating and hurtful it was that he consistently uses sarcasm to deflect responsibility and avoid vulnerability and he couldn't take that in and make a shift even for the duration of the conversation. He continued to do exactly what she described as being so frustrating and hurtful.
Being a women with a Guyanese Canadian man and me being born and raised in canada. Yikes i’m triggered this sounds like me and my man. the devaluing, condescending attitude, no intimacy.. i can go way on.. i’m not sure i can continue this life with our daughter. Also with his mother… so many boundary’s crossed. I don’t want her (my daughter)to be like him or me in the realm of relationships in her life. I’ve grown so much and i don’t want to continue this generational trauma any longer! zero done! (sorry for the dump) No hate at all, thanks for sharing! and i have always loved your videos! ❤️
Is Shans mom just settling? It’s interesting that both Shan and her sister chose very traditional pathways and early on in their life. And regardless of what Jared does, Shan said she would be there. Much so like her mom. There may be a trauma from witnessing their parents.
@@lee81642 settle doesn’t have to be a bad thing. All it means is that you are all right with who you have. Yes, there might be better out there, however, you choose not to waste time finding out. One perk of settling is that you know the person you’ve settled for almost as much as you know yourself and vice versa. You have to settle in order to settle down. I feel like people who find it hard to settle for something run the risk of ending up adrift.
@@prettyladdiee2261I mean settling is bad when you settle for a partner who treats you like crap. I want to settle down one day but not just with anyone.
This is helpful to see for all women. No offense to her dad but this is what it can look like when you hope it gets better. He may grow but not by much. Just choose someone else.
It is very sad to say, but these two relationships need Jesus Christ as t h e i r personal Lord and savior. Not religion relationship a very personal intimate relationship. To God be the glory for these hurting people May heal them😢 there is hope! God bless you beautiful keep up the good work. I'll be praying Jesus really does love them and you❤
This is a classic trauma bond. They will be together for life. It’s very common. They are not aligned at all but they have a soul tie. A classic on and off relationship and your dad has the upper hand. He knows that even if she walks away, she’ll be back. They also enjoy the drama. What a lot of on off couples like to call “Passion”. Your ma said it herself that she’s never cheated yet your father has clearly been around the block. I guarantee you that most of their arguments were about his infidelity. Her ma has given up and accepted that he’s a narc 🤷🏽♀️
What??? I got the opposite, that he was too lazy to go around and kept calling to get her back. And that SHE was the one that really tried to be with others 🤔 Agree on the trauma bond part though
Shan’s team needs to figure out how to get Jada on the L.A.F podcast! Shan is the best person to have a deep conversation about (unconventional) relationships with Jada - Shan would be able to give the Smith’s relationship so much grace, understanding and bring forth so much more enlightened perspective and move beyond the current narrative.
I might be reading too deeply into body language but when Shannon nervously fixed her bracelets at 30:44, I saw the young child who had to mediate her parents' arguments. And it broke my heart. Thank you so much for sharing.
This is a co-dependent & toxic marriage. Not saying that either parent is "bad," but humans have different risk tolerances and capacities for love. Mom is an entire barrel trying to pour into a thimble. Even understanding that no one person can be your EVERYTHING, she will never truly be fulfilled, validated, and satisfied with him and Dad is too fearful (of what, idk) to let down his guard and be vulnerable, so he will always feel judged. Imo, this is a stressful way to go through life, and not the best way for either of them to evolve into their best self. Idk enough about Jada and Will bc I haven't heard Will's viewpoint, but I'm not mad at the idea of a non-traditional marriage as long as it works for all partners. If they like it, I love it for THEM. 🤷🏿♀️
Your dad seems very playful and is making bids for play and improv to feel comfortable opening up. Seems he can feel your mom’s pain and his jokes are attempts at levity to bring her back to joy but it isn’t working for her. And she’s begging him to try out a new strategy for connection. Curious what your dad needs to feel comfortable being vulnerable
When her video came out, I thought the very same thing. The uproar does not come from what's happening with their marriage, the uproar comes from her audacity to speak on it! It has just dawned on me that when people say marriage takes a lot of work, that that statement is not figurative, but literal for a majority of couples because I have never imagined how a couple would be together for 40 years, and still be discussing emotional vulnerability. I thought once you reach a certain timeline, maybe 20 years of being together, you know each other so well, from there on, you're just on auto-pilot, turns out, marriage is a lifetime of work. I do want to commend Shannon's parents though because after a while, couples tend to be there in body, but emotionally, they've just tapped out, its like, 'you do you and I do me,' I don't sense that from Shannon's parents, seems like they're still fighting and are working to stay together. Gwyneth Paltrow said in an interview that her dad once told her that the secret to their 33 year old marriage was that they've never wanted to divorce at the same time.
No well your assumption is wrong because I’m gonna tell you one thing for sure. After the way I seen how she handled that slap 👋🏽 situation. That’s when I instantly disliked her and nothing to do with her marriage It had to do with her disgusting character. much less the fact of how she subsequently continued to embarrass herself and her husband, after that. Don’t even get me started on the fact that so many people seem to be mentally and to have given these 2 a pass for having a psychotic relationship. Meanwhile, Lord knows what drama and trauma she has put her children through behind the scenes, and she’s a mess like this in the public. I can only imagine the crap she has put those children through. In the end, no one cares about the people they hurt around them. People only seem to care about whether they are going to be happy in the end. Disgusting.
Something Jada said that stood out to me was “Now were just great friends, walking each other home”, which inevitably happens as you grow old with your partner.. you become friends. Walking each other home
I didn't specifically say my opinion, but I think it's best summarized if it's working for them and they feel their best self is possible in partnership with the other person - I am happy for you. A note though would be that while couple's don't have to care about other people's opinions of their relationship, it is wise to be mindful and if you're gonna choose to stay with someone *I do think it's possible* be honest about the hard parts without making it hard for your romantic partner to be publicly connected to you going forward
I THOROUGHLY enjoyed your parents' discussion. Seeing two people who love each other but still view things differently playing out in front of you, was a reminder that no matter what you think you know about someone else's relationship, you will never truly know everything. My feelings on ALL that Will & Jada have shared is to listen and learn, and not judge their actions.
It seems to me, that your mom needs to lean into your dad’s sense of humor. I believe that he uses humor to try to ease the tension. They seem to like each other and that’s important.
I feel like they share important like lessons but people don’t listen to understand but to judge I think everyone should take psychology 101. It would understand have more compassion for how others behave.
the thing is, Love simply isn't enough. I walked away from someone I was/am madly in love with. Sure, I knew that person loved me, BUT my needs were not getting met, and the person could not meet those needs. So, while love may seem like a "legit" reason to keep going back to someone...love alone should not be enough to keep you there... you will not be fulfilled
I commend you for be willing to share that conversation and your parents, and for them to show up so authentically. Also thank you for giving the world a more nuance on whatever is going on with the Smiths. On a side note, as a child, I would have had an anxiety attack, as a child watching my parents being so real. Whew.
I’m quite sure you’re patents have a twin flame relationship, much like Will and Jada. They will forever have conflict and they will forever be committed to each other, most people don’t understand this and things we don’t understand; we tend to judge. It’s unfortunate but it’s human nature
I think people like your parents would’ve benefitted from the tools and resources on relationships today when they first started out. I do think they’re a victim of a different less informative time. It’s a little sad to see that they’re 40 years in and addressing things that are now spoken about in the relationship/engagement stage for couples. But, better late than never. Our generation is much better equipped - of course if couples are able to willingly work at it. But life is evolution, stages, iterations and they’re working!
What’s also crazy is Will has countlessly admitted to not being the best partner in the beginning as well as cheating. I think the public reaction we’re seeing with Jada being so open about her feelings and actions is rooted in misogyny. It’s been normalized for women to stand by and keep the family going after being treated horribly or being cheated on ext… but to see a man being so vulnerable and accepting of different challenges goes against society’s perception of masculinity. All the jokes that question his manhood, his role as a man and even his sexuality because of Jada stepping out. It’s crazy to recognize some of these patterns . It may not be what I want in a relationship but I also don’t know what type of agreements they’ve got going. I’m sure assets, land and money are at play as to why it may make more sense to not officially divorce
The mom makes me uncomfortable when she shuts down his dad jokes 😭 I get what she’s saying but it feels so private. Also at 65, I don’t think he gonna change 😂
This was a great discussion. I love the honesty. I think your parents relationship reflects a LOT of longterm relationships, I think their type of interaction is more common than many may want to admit. Especially for folks of their generation.
Dad is withholding love from mom. Mom knows he is aware of her needs and absolutely capable of loving and nurturing her the way she wants but it seems to me that he finds pleasure watching your mom thirst for that love (mean) 🙄. She ends up being enraged. Interesting dynamic. I want to hug your mom.😔 🤗
That sh*t is triggering... nothing endearing about their dynamic....to withhold love from a woman who has loved him and his sarcasm and passive aggressiveness for years? nothing endearing about this.... I feel for the mom.
The Smiths arrangement is not new and I wish people would stop being negative towards them. I've known and heard stories of at least 5 couples that have had long marriages, chose to stay married, and live separate lives! Shout out to your parents for telling their story and being honest about their unique experience.
It's not their responsibility but it's ok to help your parents while they find it difficult to understand each others perspective. "The main reason people experience empathy gaps is that human cognition is state-dependent, meaning that it is strongly affected by our current mental state, which makes it difficult to properly evaluate other mental states, or to predict their influence".
Cudos to you and your parents for the courage and bravery. This is by far one of the best videos I’ve observed on this podcast. Your parent’s relationship is one of the more common relationships in our society. It mirrors the current and past ideas surrounding gender roles. It’s a reflection of the things we teach men and women which create an imbalance that makes it difficult to be in long term, healthy, loving and safe relationships. Men aren’t taught to be vulnerable while women are. This was hard to watch and triggering as I see myself and my own relationship in your parents at times. So many things to unpack here and lots of lessons. Your father is more vulnerable than he knows. It takes vulnerability to be honest and show up.. it may not be at a level that the mother requires but it’s there. Stay the course, Shan 🙏🏽 this is good work.
Well said! To add to your comment, 1 of the things that stood out for me was their different love languages, dad's love language is obviously more action-based whilst mom's love language is words of affrimation and probably affection, and this minor difference can lead to huge resentment.
@@sophiangobeni7368 absolutely. Trying to discover all the parts of a person and expecting those things to change that don’t agree with us can create and infinite crossroad. Someone or something has to concede or we’re left with resentment and pain.
I think they are co-dependent and would do much better not being together in a romantic relationship. It’s clear that your dad does not respect your mom in many ways.
What I read in this interview. When she (wife) said he's too lazy to pursue a another relationship its bc no-one will accept his immaturity. Bc he has definitely been out there in the streets looking. He returned to her bc no-one will put up with him a long time /lifetime. Women will only deal with him if he can pay but when he runs out of money he returns to his wife 😢.
I just think Jada and Will are evolved in matters of love and a lot of people just haven’t experienced that and don’t understand it. Anyone who is really doing the work probably knows that there no need to judge Jada or to judge anyone else’s partnership experience.
Your mother is really fighting to be heard and your father is just stonewalling. Honestly it's just hard to be in a hostile relationship. I find that men are allowed to be that way. And women think they can get them to turn around. It makes the relationship very lonely because vulnerability is how we connect. Sometimes we just have to cut our loses at some point. No matter how much we have waited or how hard we have tried. Some people don't want to change because it benefits them. I feel sad for you Olivia. It must be very hard to reconcile that your husband chooses to be that way because he enjoys it ajd it benefits him. Thank you for sharing your story with us. 😊
Damn Shan, maybe it's becos they're your parents, and also becos you're educated in relationships, but I COULD NOT put up with this dynamic. They both seem emotionally stuck/immature in their own ways. It would be so exhausting to deal with your parents being in and out of relationship for so long. 😢 I am sorry you grew up seeing this and still see it going on as an adult. 💔😞
Your dad is annoying 😂 Your mother’s responses are so fitting. Having said that, you can tell they very much love eachother and their interaction with one another is on brand for THEM.
I think it’s disgusting 🤢 the fact that NO ONE ☝🏽 is talking about the fact that (WILL&Jada) have children together and their toxic dynamic has detrimental effects on how their children are and how they’ve turned out?? 1. Don’t even get me started on the fact that people are giving her an out saying she’s taking the L Cuz. She is trying to cover something up for Will or wants to shield. Her family and WILL.. OH now she wants to save her family come on stop the madness. I’m telling you our community is so damaging and mentally ill that we think these sorts of behaviors is normal and it’s not. 2. The bottom line is that people are super selfish, constantly worrying about their own needs instead of their children, staying together in a toxic marriage, doesn’t make you a superhero It makes you STUPID. Not to mention even if SAY your parents decided to stay together for whatever I’m sure your mom is not on national TV telling all of your father’s business and embarrassing Your whole family come on. 3. Not to mention, you Shan even admitted that it was a point of contention and embarrassment throughout your whole childhood, so how does this benefit the children in the end? How does this benefit the family not the two toxic people that decide to stay together and damage everyone around them? In the end how does this benefit you? How did this affect you while you were growing up?
Exactly throughout the comments I haven’t seen one person talk about the children I see everybody talking about what’s going to make will and Jada happy. Or even the case of Shan from what I can see I heard a lot of the parents talking about. They have a codependent tempestuous relationship, but from what I can watch and see no one talked about how it affected the kids and if anyone was happy or needed therapy after that situation. come on too many selfish people doing disgusting destructive things, and not giving a damn about their children.
I think people are harshly judging Shan's father in this conversation and dynamic. I think there is something to be said about compatibility. I think Shan's father communicates through humour and feels like the seriousness of the conversation required comedic relief. A relationship requires more than love and physical attraction, there is a kind of compatibility where your personalities just balance itself out and the one loves that very trait in someone that someone else might dislike. And perhaps yes the other things are true, maybe he does deflect, but it could also be just the authentic him.
At this point them being still together after 41 years and deciding to still do life together is the ultimate sign of "unconditional" love. Unconditional love is not rooted in romantic love. Romantic love is the fantasy....which people seem to love to live in. Unconditional love is a reality and still happens. Your parents, and even Will and Jada are examples of that.
Oh man I rolled my eyes so hard. Your Dad reminds me of my Dad whereby he makes himself the hero or at the least expert of every situation. And he recently told me the same thing regarding getting older and he has learned not to expect people to change to his expectation. In my opinion this is just a self-defense mechanism. Thank you to them both for being so open and sharing!
Maybe your projecting your experience of your dad on him....I didn't awe him being oe acting a hero. I don't see him as superman. He far more relaxed than her. She seems emotionally imbalance high as strung. she wants him to change more work on sht more and he like meh I gotta accept u. She not into him. At all...her words r words and she maybe be bitter from past and present ... they both said horrible stuff they said. Or daughter said. She wants him to be a certain way and he's not.....
The man gives examples .she insults him or points out out how she don't want his examples....I don't know.. she wants Romero to come tell her some poetry and profound love... he expresses himself by examples. Leave the man alone.i do that too sometime to explain to ppl.. jeez and shan is juvenile. I thought she was ... higher thinking... nah she kid in her thights .she took decades ro figure out her on and off parents r like will kada...and she doesn't support her dads examples he gives she brushes him off... they must had a sik mental relationship w parents growing up.
I’ve been waiting to see a more nuanced analysis of this. I really like Jada.. she’s bold, authentic & lives in her truth. Look at how they treat people who don’t hold back.. we need figures like her esp women.
Finally! Someone that sees this as I do. Jada is a sage! I’m frustrated that the world is treating the Smiths so wrong. They continued to take so much from the public and only teach us all a deeper meaning of life. I’m team Smith!❤🫶🏽❤️
I support them both, but more so jada, she never speaks ill of Will even though we know she has a whole pandora box she could open, but she chose not to even when she is blamed for everything, she is going through it with class.
I was married for 24 years and now divorced for 7 years to a narcissist. watching your parent’s’ discussion actually triggered me. I was exhausted and also felt nervously frustrated. So I was unable to finish watching the whole episode. Momma needs to leave him. And until She does, she only knows herself as this person we watched on the episode. I’m saddened for her.
It triggered me too but we have to respect her decision to stay and look at the point the daughter is making. We don't have to agree but we can be aware of WHY and HOW these relationships can last. The Mom has found a way to establish new relationships to get her needs met. But transitioned the marriage into a platonic relationship with her partner. They are doing life together on their own terms. The word "marriage" could just be removed.
I can see your point. I also was in a marriage with a narcissist for 17 years and divorced now for 3. I think Jada and Will are in the same. I like Will but I would ask him what 10 things has he sacrificed for Jada. Real Freedom only comes when you leave.
I don't think her dad is a narcissist, but he definitely is traumatized by something that cripples him from expressing his love and vulnerability openly
I think I’m an anomaly, in that I enjoy seeing relationships unfold in every which way, which is why I’m open to hear more about Will and Jada. Most of us draw from the relationships we see/experience personally or from those in close proximity. So, the openness I see from those I admire (for better or worse) is illuminating and a bit of an education. There is so much I learn about myself and others when I open myself to truly listening to others experiences and how they explore their relationships. Shoutout to your parents for allowing us in. They are a beautiful pair and I wish them all the best as they continue to navigate their love. ❤❤❤
Same!! I’ve had a deep interest since my teens. It helps bring me to higher self awareness and the human collective. I don’t see it as messy in most cases, I see it as real. I wish we saw and discussed more of it thoughtfully and critically without judgement.
I’ve found my people, because same. It’s so fascinating to see every unique iteration of love and how that plays out for everyone as authentically as possible!
I asked my partner ' Why do men just make jokes about everything instead of opening up /expressing themselves' ...and he says maybe that's our way of expressing ourselves.
note that i'm only 19 mins. in and I'm wondering how people realistically see marriage? 80- 20 is not a bad ratio at all. do people think that they will be 100 percent compatible 100 percent of the time? that's crazy to me. then people say leave them/ divorce them once we aren't agreeable. that's insane. no wonder why relationships and marriages don't work anymore. people are broken and delusional. we all are constantly changing. learn to give grace to your partner, even if you are not romantic with each other at the moment. learn to be a friend in your marriage, that way y'all will always have each other to lean on. the feeling of love comes and goes, but if y'all are committed to each other like y'all said, then you will continue to choose to show love to your partner in other ways. God bless
Shan once you’ve processed, if you haven’t already. Please unpack for us your thoughts at different points of this conversation. I’m really interested to hear your perspective on it all because I imagine theres a lot going on it your mind. This topic is complex on its own, it being with your parents, makes it even moreso. I love it here. The content is phenomenal. Always thought provoking. And even the comments are a pleasure because your community is just filled with insightful interesting people and perspectives. An ode to you really. Great video 🫶🏾
This makes me sad because I feel like this is the direction in which my marriage is going. We have been married 5 years. I don’t want this good/bad passion. I want the good to out-way the bad, but I don’t want to leave either.
I respect your channel and work so much. This is such a vulnerable topic and video to put out and explore. I think it’s so helpful for a lot of your subscribers/viewers, myself included.
He has the childlike and she is the parent relationship. I think the Mom needs to be more child like and join him. Jokes a projection of the pain he carries.
