This is gold. That was my very ex on that couch. SESSION 1: Subject's very stance is defiant like he doesn't want to be there even though he says he does. Immediately says "things happened" as though there is no cause and effect, especially with his actions. Goes into savior mode when talking about his wife so hopefully the counselor will see him as a well-meaning good guy and even fishes for reassurance that the counselor is siding with him. Answers therapists questions very vaguely and abstractly. No details or points, and them perceives himself as a good judge of character (negative=anything not in agreement with their feel good agenda) and equates himself to the therapist. Unable to recognize emotional abuse, minimizes it as normal. Makes excuses for his parents toxicity and refuses to look at his past and how their actions were detrimental. Gets very uncomfortable with this more-than-skin-deep conversation and closes off the session and looks to escape as fast as possible. SESSION 2: Starts by brown nosing the therapist and grossly exaggerating and lying about the level of progress made last session and the talents of the therapist. Pretends again to be willing without being willing. Makes it clear he has no intention of working on himself but wants the therapist as leverage against his wife. Blames wife for wanting to leave, completely oblivious to his own disrespectful and inappropriate actions that brought her to that decision. Resents her for seeking support and not letting him isolate her. Disrespectfully wakes her up, throws a book at her, and accuses her as though that's normal. Immediately sidesteps the issue of his infidelity and his wife's feelings, labels his wife, then plays victim about how he has to deal with what he created. Hypocritically tells the therapist that all his wife will do is complain about him to the therapist. Says he wants help but refuses to do anything that requires his effort (and likely doesn't want to fix it because he loves the drama). Refuses all accountability for cheating. He gets called out on his games, he changes the subject, and then makes the therapist the target of his anger for seeing through his illusion. Tries to push him into writing a sketchy letter. Therapist refuses, and he storms out in a tantrum.
My favourite comment from my narcissistic mother “if you go to therapy they will just tell you everything you want to hear and tell you how terrible I am because you’re paying them” ...
@@sorinapavel1321 I would like to understand it, but isn’t it only proof of what he thinks the mother is? She knows he thinks she’s terrible, doesn’t mean she is admitting to it
I dated a narcissist and it literally ruined dating and my idea on relationships for awhile. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, get out as soon as you can
My narcissistic ex always talked in circles like this. Nothing was “his fault.” Always switched the focus on me and made me apologize when he did something wrong.
This sounds like my mum 9/10 times in an argument that she usually started or blew out of proportion. If I’m lucky I’ll occasionally get a sorry I snapped like that rather than sorry for behaving like that in general. It’s hard work when someone is like that and I’m glad you managed to get rid of him in your life
Same! My therapist afterwards told me that she almost always ends up treating the "partner" of the narcissist (for a multitude of reasons), vs the narc. My ex said he wasn't going to pay to get "ganged up upon".
My ex husband made my son quit therapy because he said the therapist was turning my son against him... gosh I can't deal with this type of thing anymore
Aaaaahhhh that's why they don't like you talking to other people about them, positive or negative, because it breaks down their ability to control their image and manipulate each person based on their values.
Yes. My ex used to tell me that “our issues are our issues”, but that only applied to me. He could go to his friends, but I couldn’t go to my own family. If one of his friends didn’t agree with him, he was convinced that I somehow got ahold of them first (people I have never met or even heard of prior) and “done *something*” to persuade them. Here’s another thing: he truly believes that the ONLY thing a woman has is her cat. So by “*something*”, it always meant sex. But he would not outright say “sex” so if I pointed out that’s what he meant I was then “sketchy” because why on earth would I think that unless it was true?! So the fact that I would call him out on the accusation was proof enough for him that I was guilty of anything he came up with during and after the conversation. All of this would happen within minutes. And then it would all be followed up with “Even though you hurt me, I still love you D.L.” Uhm…thanks??? It was crazy and its been years and Im still unraveling the mindset I was pushed into during that “relationship”.
"Now I never put you down so don't you talk to others about me! This is between you and I no one else." You cannot have a relationship outside of your relation ship. Such control is soul destroying. Especially when you love people. I now tell others to run if they are in such relationships.
But is it not normal to not want other people to talk bad about you behind your back. Gossip can really hurt people, also sharing personal information about people without communicating this with them. Is it always narcissism? I tend to overexplain myself to others similar to in this video, because I am afraid of being misunderstood and misjudged. I hope this does not mean I have narcissism because I already have been diagnosed with avpd and dpd. I am sometimes afraid I am.
can we take a moment to appreciate how well this is edited together to time both people and have it aligned as if they are talking to each other? round of applause for real
Yes, even down to the subtler constant almost-interrupting "Mark" versus the time "Patrick" took to let "Mark" finish and properly take in what has just been said 👍👍👍
My narc brother aged 68 at the time turned his rage on me. Now I have lost all that side of the family - lots of people don’t see it - you have to cross them and then boom!
i was with a Narcissistic cheating spouse for 15 years the part where he deflected back onto the wife was TEXT BOOK he also did this thing where he charmed and almost HIT ON the female therapist after a few sessions she made him wait in the hallway grabbed me by the shoulders and said "i have not formally diagnosed him but he is a Narcissist RUN DONT WALK OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE i felt like i got punched in the gut but it was just the punch i needed
Yes, 18 years of hell. I have my 3 beautiful daughters, but sadly they also suffered. :( I was so scared, it took everything I had to leave, he had me so brainwashed I didn't think I could do it. But here I am, happy, healthy and in a marriage I could only dream of.
@@sitavita i am glad i got out too and am also happily dating men that actually respect me Karma came for him for sure and i have to say although i would never want harm to come to him i just hope he's learning the lessons he has needed i still struggle with feeling like i was robbed of my childbearing years because he told me everyday how much he hated kids and dogs even and now he has both of those things with his new wife i have to say Karma came for them in a way i won't divulge here
also when he got billed for the therapist i had already moved to another state we had come to an agreement that since he wanted the divorce he got to pay for the whole thing he said and i quote "she didn't help us i shouldn't pay her" absolute classic behavior this video was so validating
When you were talking about the “negative mother vs the ‘hardworking’ father”, I could have quoted along WITH you word for word what was coming out of the narc’s mouth. This was my dad my entire life. As his only daughter, I had to constantly hear about how messed up he was because his mother was “so negative” and he hated her for it. His father on the other hand, who beat her close to death, abused all the kids, m0lested his own daughter… he felt a bond to him. I could never understand it and honestly, it’s fucked me up my entire life.
Therapy with a narcissist doesn't work because they have no self awareness, none!. They can't fix an issue they cannot see in themselves, everyone else's reaction to their horrible behavior is the problem they see.
I'm convinced they're beyond helping. My father is a narcissist. They pretend to be an open book but the minute you start going against anything they say or challenging them, they're extremely abusive. They also try to demean the person they're interacting ever so slightly. It's impossible for them to be different.
That's why narcissist get a special form of therapy where they don't openly work on the problem. The therapist is doing more behind the scenes work and just pretends to fall for the lies.
My chronically cheating and denying ex covert narcissist spouse is actually a psychotherapist and a good one. They treat strangers like gold and their family less than.
@@echase416 a lot of covert narcs are in the mental health world! They get their narcissistic supply by people seeing them more emotionally or mentally competent than them so trueeee
I actually thought the opposite--complete strangers calling you by your first name usually happens with bosses and superiors at work. I feel this narcissist was trying to subtly announce that he was superior to the therapist. Especially the way he would slightly roll out the therapist's name. There's also some false closeness. But mostly the narcissist was making it clear he thought himself superior and above all of this.
@@Luboman411 I'd argue that its to establish closeness, from a person who views themselves as superior. Both things are coming in to play, but in this situation the narc is using low level manipulation tactics, like "look, I remember your name, cause im such a good patient!! Praise me" which is not the complete opposite as your theory. They actually go hand in hand with manipulators, its a feeling of superiority but with the genuine belief that they will gain the favour of the person that they are trying to manipulate. I hope that makes sense, I'm not attacking your comment, I just love a good discussion and your comment got the cogs in my brain turning! 😝 Peace
@@amoxzi its super patronising, I feel the same, instantly I feel weary of the person. It can definitely be done in many non malice ways but I assume manipulation in this situation! Haha
If I confronted my ex on his rude, direspectful, or insulting behavior and asked him to see the pattern behind it (confronting him with examples), he would say, "so you're saying I'm a bad person?" Ugh! The way they turn themselves into the victim when confronted with their behavior is the most infuriating thing I've ever experienced in my life.
A former friend who showed more narc characteristics than anyone I ever knew went to a therapy session while we were friends. She came back saying that she didn't need to go back because even the therapist agreed she was doing great and there was nothing wrong with her.
I spent most of the first half of the video trying to figure out how he filmed the two halves, haha. His reaction, pause, and response was perfectly timed.
I used to be in a relationship with a narcissist. All the memories are kind of hazy now because of how bad he change the focus on me, not the problem. But I notice that I started to gaslight him in order to fight him, I started to mirrored him. I lost myself and I was a mess. Glad I walked out of there.
"I fell into that." It's not his responsability nor guilt. "I was trying to help her". "No way am I a cheater but an altruistic person." "You are married, you think like me". He gets you in his shit.
U sure about that? Most people I've heard say it do so cause they dont want sympathy, they just wanna move on from whatever misfortune happened to them. That dosent sound very narcissistic to me!
@@tbd5082 I say it to, but depends on the situation. In tgis video he uses it to avoid taking responsibility for his own feelings and past. When i use it, it is bc i don't always want to talk about my stuff with everyone. But i do take responsibility for my feelings and behaviour.
" I went through my partners phone and she was talking with her mom and friend about leaving me, can you believe that?" Blaming the person for their behavior. The logic is insane. No accountability, no consciousness.
They have a conscience, they just shove off guilt and responsibility on everybody else to make themselves feel better about harming others. I view them as being more evil than sociopaths and psychopaths, because THOSE people actually do not have a conscience, whereas Narcs do but ignore it and use circular logic to circumvent it.
My covert narcissist ex read through my diary and freaked out over what I'd written and told me it was my fault he was angry because I shouldn't have written it. Absolutely no logic in it, whatsoever.
This was brilliant. I'm "just" an LMFT and when narc patients get challenged they often challenge our credentials, they offend our titles, etc. One narc patient even accused me of not being a "real therapist" because my office is not at a downtown high rise. Its a classic way of belittling all the hard work we do. First time a fellow therapist has brought this up. Thank you so much!
This defensive strategy is called character assasination. Turning the anger on the person and their "relative status." In this case, it's a professional setting. Outside of that, they accuse the other person of having character flaws, mental problems, etc. and THAT's why there is disagreement and the narc is in the right. These people are exhausting.
It shocked me how fast and easily he started to talk??? like he didn't even stopped to think, it sounded like he knew exactly what he was going to say, no silences, no retroperspective, no inside thinking, anything :o
"Constant distrust, and argumentative environment, children growing up in that don't see parents value each other, respect each other, honor each other, or enjoying each other. I would file it under emotional abuse." Thank you for saying that because it's how it feels but no one says that you've been abused because they didn't love each other. So helpful.
Omg i cant believe what psychologists/psychiatrists have to go through on a daily basis seeing people like this in an intent to help them.... must be sooooo exhausting and maybe sometimes might feel like getting attacked or having to feel like they "understand" or "accept" some of the things that the patients are saying. Wow thats crazy hugeeee respect to psychiatrists i hope they dont go crazy or get emotionally burdened
This felt kind of uncomfortable to watch, because of how well you portrayed the narcissist. This is exactly how my ex would act, blaming everyone else, avoiding any responsibility, project his fears onto me. Well done. These videos are extremely helpful to understand the abuser and not feel "crazy". I would gladly be paying a monthly subscription for this.
@@florastewart7957 sexist. My ex convinced me I was suffering bipolar hyper-mania when I figured out she had accidentally poisoned me with a small trace amount of fentanyl. She fed her hidden drug addiction with what she stole from me. ..until I hit financial ruin. That’s when she became a prostitute. Hid that too. She said I was an insecure abusive mentally unhinged man. I never called her what she is. Now she’s homeless, her daughter is in CPS custody, and I still routinely endure harassment and threats from a dozen of her flying monkeys. A man caused your trauma. That sorry sack of crap represents himself not me. That’s like me saying, “women use abuse and exploit men with the ease and cold, surgical indifference of serial killers. They will carve out your soul and me ake you apologize when your blood spatters on their shoes. Then they’ll blame u, gaslight you to the point of shattering your perception of self and reality, then go sell themselves to literally anyone who will pay or give them their object of attraction and that animalistic shortsighted behavior is the cause of more pain, loss, depression, mental illness, traumatic response, mistrust, decay of society, emboldening of sexual predators, emboldening of abusers, traumatized children, and ruined lives in general than any other COMMON EXPERIENCE men suffer through today in silence….often without knowing until they’ve been painted as the abuser. A lustful dishonest narcissistic abuser dressed as a “man” can’t even DO 3/4 of those things. If he did he’d be locked in a cage. Women are given alimony and support. “ I feel that way out of fear now, but I know my feelings do not represent reality. I know women are not my ex.
Lmaoooooo this is soooooo on point.... They take nooooo responsibility for anything... deflection , gaslighting at its best 😂😭😭 this was so on pointtttttt
My ex went to a therapist once in a similar situation. He came back screaming at me that he was sick of telling everyone he wasn't a bad person and that I wasn't the "victim" he was! Haha...must have been a good therapist he was unable to charm.
When he said "Id probably be a good therapist myself" I almost spit my water out. SURE BUDDY... hahaha *snort laugh. Honestly this was uncomfy to watch a narc in full display. This video made me realize that not only was my dad a narc but one of my brothers too. All the facial expressions the narc made in this video were literally the same ones my brother would make. For some reason I never made the connection that my brother was also a narc. This was an eye opener.
narcissistic parents usually treat their kids like they are competing against each other. you usually have one narc, one black sheep and one golden child. The narc is consistently seeking validation over the golden child by dragging the black sheep down. And the golden child feels threatened by the narc then it tries to manipulate the parents so it doesnt lose the "golden child" status. Its always manipulation over education.
I went to family therapy with my narcissistic parent, and they quit after a few sessions because they felt personally attacked, and were deeply offended because I'm "the unstable and problematic one", but the therapist was asking them difficult questions (about neglect). My parent also wanted to withhold payment for the sessions. It was very disappointing, I really wanted to have a good relationship with them. My current therapist recommends no contact. Thank you for giving us an idea of how it would go. I could have used this video 10 years ago, but I think it will help others, and it helps me remember that an attempt was made.
OMG, nearly identicly to what I experienced in childhood. This therapist dared to question how it could be possible that a 10 year old girl, I, one out of four, could be the cause of all family problems. I had so high hopes! My narcissistic borderline-queen mom felt humiliated by the therapist infront of her children ... so it was the first and last family therapy session ever. Imho no contact helped to heal, definitely! It is a vulnerable condition without a support system. No solution, it's a start!
My father got mad when I i told a psychiatrist that I felt neglected throughout most of my life. Total denial. Never wanted me yo get help and expose the truth.
It sucks when u care so much about their wellbeing and all they think is that you are against them and they will never be self aware of how abusive they really are. Especially since ur therapist recommended no contact, just makes me wonder about ur parent’s emotions about the situation.
I’m a family lawyer and I’ve had narcissist clients in the past. It always ended badly. They complain about everything and refuse to pay their bill. I even had one argue with the judge at my motion to withdraw hearing that I should be forced to continue representing her without payment. The judge just asked “Do you owe the money?” She had to say “yes” and he let me out of her case. He saw what she was. I try to weed these people out now and not represent them.
@@philcooper9225 It’s not my job to solve it. My job is to help people with their legal needs and to be paid for my work. That’s why it’s called a JOB. I’m sure you get paid at your job. You want someone to solve the “ mass narcissism epidemic” , you do it. Put your superhero cape on and go save the world 🌎 Maybe then you’ll be too busy to leave ignorant comments. 🤦🏼♀️
I've encountered men who talk like this and i was only briefly "casually" dating them. i'm starting to see how similar narcissists are regardless of if they're married or manipulating you into a "casual" fling.
Wow that’s exactly like my husband. Instead of staying to the point, he gets extremely defensive and starts attacking the other person with random kinda nonsense and looking down on the other person and belittling.
@@winnieamar9368 sixteen years of feeling like it was ALL me. Then it just snapped a few months ago and I see things like they really are. I can’t believe how truly sly they are. They infiltrate every waking thought and have you convinced you’re such a burden and so crazy and unwanted.
I hope you are doing better now. And i hope that with more awareness of what is healthy and what's unhealthy,you will heal. Much love and power to you!
My mother is a narcissist and I remember I went to a therapist when I was 18 years old for an anxiety disorder and the therapist wanted my mom to join in on one of the sessions. I remember she clammed up and sat there like she was about to be exorcised.
Yes, because she knows she is deceitful and didn't want to be confronted with her own behaviour being analysed, by an outsider, to the relationship she had with you because she always felt she had control over you and it would take that away in some way.
I would deeply appreciate a video with a person with Victim/Covert Narcissitic Personality Disorder. This was so helpful and brilliant. This is exactly what I had always wanted to visualize. I have such immense gratitude for this work you do and videos you post because it's totally different from reading book, text description and another thing actually hearing speech, expression of a person with NPD.
I can’t agree enough with this. It is so helpful to see these behaviors illustrated in role-play. And the analysis videos are illuminating. On a technical side, do you have a twin? How did you do this role-play video? 😅 It’s awesome.
My sister is going for a psychology degree and she’s a narcissist. She wields whatever new knowledge she gains in class like a weapon. Kind of scary to think about her holding other people’s mental health in her hands
This is so helpful. A lot of people don't quite understand what's going on with these disorders. Showing us how this plays out really drives things home.
may I ask what type of therapist you are? And isn't narcissism getting a bit stigmatised on the internet? How do I know I'm not a narcissist? I'm curious because I had a friend who was telling me about how all the men she dates are narcissists, but eventually when her depression got really severe and she started seeing a therapist the therapist concluded that she does have narcissistic tendencies, which really offended her, but it kinda stuck on my mind for a bit. When everyone is so busy looking for the narcissist that is ruining their lives, when are we going to also spend 20 hours of youtube videos on explaining how to see when we're being narcissistic ourselves? I'm by this point pretty convinced that my dad is a narcissist, but I also noticed how I have picked up on some of his bad habits and that I need to come to terms with. I just feel like this ultimate judgement of being a narcissist is not helping the situation. From what I've learned, narcissists are often people that deal with childhood trauma just like everyone else, but they are unreasonably defensive over the walls they have built for themselves, that and an unadmireable lack of empathy.
@@Eddy818able I haven't necessarily noticed an increase, though I've only been a licensed therapist for about 8 years. You rarely see a true narcissist in session unless someone drags them in or they're hoping to charm you into getting validation for their behavior.
@@corneliahanimann2173 Lots of good points here, Cornelia. Narcissism is a spectrum, so yes, in a way, we all have a touch of it and should be on the hunt for how we've hurt others with our own narcissism. The level of narcissism that meets the full criteria for textbook "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" in the DSM is much more severe in how it presents. And I do find that more severe narcissists are very quick to accuse other of it! It's like they have their own very fine-tuned narcissism detector.
@@briankimballkay I suspect I'm not a narcissist mostly because in my family I am the only person that actively tried to go to therapy since I was 18. I probably cry too much about how I feel I have run into a wall of repeated bad patterns that I don't even want to follow yet don't know how to do different, in order to fall into the category of a narcissist. To the outside world, I feel like I can easily present as a narcissist because my idea for love used to be the idea of having power over people and keeping them in an infinite state of trying to prove themselves so they never get distracted to see that I might not be worth all that effort. I just have very severe adhd and did not get any treatment for it until I was 21, which is an age where a lot of bad patterns and habit are well established. I was manipulative and nowadays I make an effort to be transparent and talk about my triggers, where they come from and that I have only now learned that apologising isn't a sign of weakness and that I still take my time or fail to apologize at all because a lot of shame is associated with it. So to get back to my point, it could have very easily happened that people would have accused me of being a narcissist, and I don't think that would have pushed me in the right direction because I was as defensive over my behaviour as any narcissist is. As for my friend, I always suspected that she has narcissistic tendencies, mostly because of her hypocrisy around sexism. She would easily complain about the guys that are into her and disrespect her boundries, but at the same time have no respect for other peoples boundries and explain them away because she just knows better. Nothing is ever her fault, even when it is, it's actually her parents fault for messing her up and therefore she doesn't need to change, her parents have to change. There was a point where I needed to end that friendship because she tried to manipulate me too when I asked her to respect my boundries. At this point I feel like the reason why she does therapy is exactly for this talk where she blames everyone for her problems and gets to say that she, unlike the narcissists she dates, at the very least does therapy, therefore she is the bigger person. So basically, I believe there is a difference between a narcissist and people that have picked up on narcissistic behaviour like me, we do live in a society that rewards this behaviour.
I didn’t know how severely I was affected by narcissistic parents... even to the point where I would only date narcissists and have narcissistic friends that I am only in relationship with because I have a problem with people pleasing. I want revenge.
"i want revenge" is really good way to put it. its like a catch 22, you want to win over a narcissist (or person with anti-social behaviour disorder) but you never really can beat them in their own game. the only win is to not attract them or to make them leave your inner circle but its hard if u internalized their toxicity for so long
My ex cheated with his brother's wife, and always maintained that he did it to save their marriage. Then whilst I was pregnant, I found out that he had joined some dating websites. He swore it was just to check if he was still desirable as I was not giving him enough attention (pregnant with a toddler). I will never be with a man again.
he did it to „save their marriage“. what, pure madness. i have so many questions. (no pressure, if you don‘t want to answer I can totally understand!) How long have the two of you already been in a relationship, when your ex cheated with his brother‘s wife? when and how did you find out what happened between them and what was the family’s reaction like? how comes you didn‘t leave him?
@@Iamawesomeasfugg He did it before I was with him. He was very regretful to have destroyed his relationship with his brother. I was glad he was honest about it and I thought he had learnt his lesson about cheating, even though I couldn't understand why he seemed to really believe he did it to save their marriage. But no, he didn't learn his lesson, and he wasn't an honest guy, just a manipulator. Unfortunately, I spent my relationship with him finding excuses for his hurtful behaviours, and he was so good at playing the victim. Now, I realise, relationship are not about being understanding, but how you feel inside about it.
@PIECEMENT Thank you. But yes the universe had something better in mind. The love of my children, and my dog. Peace in my home. Being alone brings me all the bliss I needed. I realised I was rubbish at choosing partners, but I'm brilliant at enjoying life by myself!
Hit the nail on the head. My mum is one. My latest lover seems to be one (as unofficially diagnosed by me!) BUT as part of borderline personality disorder. He swings from narcissism to self-hatred in days... Extremely anti-social and selfish. I never criticize him. Luckily for me, he has dumped me as a romantic partner, and for the first time in his life, decided (not asked 😂) to stay friends at the age of 44. He has no other female friends, just contact with his mother. His sisters and father don’t even talk to him. I am learning to set boundaries with my 76 yo narcissistic mother (constant process) and now that my former lover is seeing someone new, and is his narcissistic personality, he has a new focus. I can work on me in the present moment. That’s my goal.
You nailed so much. My most recent narcissist told me I was negative. Told me he couldn't do anything right. He wouldn't stop doing things I asked him not to do. Told me I was pointing out his flaws. I was telling him how he was mistreating me. I brought up his PRESENT behavior. He'd bring up something I did during a period we were broken up. You can't fix a narcissist. You can't have a healthy relationship with a narcissist. You can't even improve a relationship with a narcissist.
It's simply impossible. The key to handling a narcissist is to literally give up on them and stop engaging. My father ruled our household and every argument got turned into my fault, he would fabricate events, and constantly make everyone feel incompetent. I approached conflict from every angle to hopefully come to a solution. No matter what I tried, my perspective was always invalidated because, well, "you're a child, you have no idea what you're talking about." Even to this day, I'm a lot more patient when talking to him, but he is so defensive and protective of his image, it's impossible to give him any advice.
This is really interesting. I was married to a narcissist for 20 years, he was physically abused by his father and ignored by his narcissist mother. He felt that he was abused because he was a bad kid and not that he became a bad kid because of the abuse. It’s sad.
The funniest thing about the narcissist is that they think people are dumb when they say "yeah i talked for 15min with this therapist guy, my whole life is changed"
@@SL-wl7ol Yeah. A more real reaction to therapy would be: Meh. I guess it was kinda useful. It got me thinking though. Meh. I'm not sure if I like the therapist. Or the other people. We'll see. Because therapy isn't fun. It's shitty, 95% of the time. Because you need to go through shit you didn't go through before. Therapy sucks and it doesn't make you feel great or suddenly enlightened. It just shines a light on your own insecurities and lack of knowledge about yourself. It's a starting point for you to change yourself
This was to a tee how therapy went with my husband and literally fell apart on the 2nd session and i had to apologize to everyone in the office because he was yelling up a storm... we seperated shortly after and now im safely and peacefully living life 2 years later, he was abusive and narcissistic to the max! So many emotions watching this but im thankfull for getting out!
Boy oh boy. This is SPOT ON. Which is why our marriage counseling sessions here and there over the years never helped. It helped ME see where my own issues were, but also helped me see what was really going on with our marriage. And it wasn't all me. My husband responded exactly this way. He also blew up at me a few times over the years for "sharing our business" with family or friends outside the home. Additionally, when he had to take some time off for medical leave from an accident, they required him to see a therapist. He chose two, he treated them just this way, demanded a letter from each to prop up his extended "fake head injury" (his bodily injuries were all long healed) because he wanted to take a year off from work. Lastly, he only saw one of the therapists twice, and the other only once. When each of them tried to get him to look inward and examine himself, he was absolutely DONE. This video is SO accurate. And this is why, 22 years after his cheating period (more than one incident, gaslighting me & lying to me even in the face of obvious evidence) I finally realized I was done. 36 years married to this man was all I could take. I already feel better after only theee months gone, and hoping our divorce will finalize quickly. But I'm sure when it comes to the settlement for assets and alimony, he is going to fight it. If I asked for a dollar and a stick of gum, he'd argue why I didn't deserve it and how he couldn't afford it. But I'm ready. And I still have a therapist to help me through.
You described my husband and yes, he will fight about splitting the assists. My ex still hasn’t handed over assets from our marriage. Doesn’t think I deserve anything.
As a Social Worker myself of 30 years, you / your videos are Dead-on ! Well done Patrick!! Your Acting skills are an added Bonus, Thank-you for sharing you expertise : ) The Role plays are True to Life !
“Children who grow up in that environment with their parents arguing and no affection” that was honestly me as a child and when I dated my ex I believed he was the narcissist he never listened to me gas lighted me said I was crazy was a compulsive liar and when I catched him lying he said it’s because he liked to lie. Cheated on me and when he had a baby I was unaware of he made the dumbest lie. I’m still so affected and think I’m the narcissist it’s a constant battle in my head
I think if you care and are worried about it you probably aren’t because from what I’ve heard is narcissists aren’t very good at self reflecting when it relates to how it effects others.
My narcissistic ex would tell me I’m a narcissist. I had never even heard the term. The more I looked it up the more I realized she is a narcissists. I hate telling people about who I am so I say things like “people tell me I’m a good guy, people say I’m smart” which is true but it doesn’t sit right with me if I say “yeah I’m a good guy, yeah I’m smart.” One of the things I pride myself on is listening to others when they talk, people tell me that it feels like it’s just me and them in the entire world when having a conversation with me because I actively listen. When I started dating my ex and after the love bombing first month, she would tell me I never listen. I only hear what I want. When I would say “she is the only person to ever say that.” She would say what other people say about us doesn’t mean anything “that’s not who you are you are who you tell yourself you are”. She told me I wasn’t the person I have been told I am. It was like she found out what I liked most about myself then attacked it. When we would fight she would pause for a second and so I would start to speak but then she would start to speak to add on to her view then yell at me for trying to talk over her. I would also do it when she would lie or make something up. Which I didn’t like that I did. but when she did it, it was ok just not for me. One time she kept saying I was Snapchating girls but when I opened the app the only girl was my sister her response? “Your sister is a girl isn’t she” That’s when I knew something was wrong. She of course had cheated on me. I would send her videos like this and ask what she thinks. She refused to watch any. So the fact you’re here is proof you aren’t the narcissist. Don’t let them convince you, you are. I did and I lost my grip on who I was questioning my morals and way of life my emotions if it weren’t for these videos and my best friend Idk where I’d be today but luckily I was able to get away from her and I’m slowly regaining my confidence in myself. Stay strong
This is like a comedy routine - the way the narcissist describes each situation is a dead-end. Role-playing is a great idea to understand more deeply how the narcissist it attempting to control and skate out of any responsibility.
As someone with a narcissistic father, the role play triggered my fight response so much. This was a great video with a great depiction of how these people act.
Wow, is that what this feeling is. Yes this video definitely makes me want to attack and rage against. I wonder if there is ever going to be peace when being in the presence of a narcissist.
A letter to show his/her spouse “I’m in therapy: I am working on getting healthy” as a Hoover, an attempt to get them back to start the whole cycle of abuse again. 🤦♂️ master manipulators
I feel a lot better after watching this because my golden child brother is pushing ME to arrange mediation with my parents and my gut says no because they are the ones who shut down communication! This rift started when I tried to communicate and their stonewalling of me is a method of avoiding that. So now I understand why my gut is saying NO.
This was so helpful, thank you. You caught all the little nuances of a narc so perfectly. I used to think a narc had to be over the top into themselves in a very grandiose kind of way, til I met one. He acted JUST like this. It's all just slightly under the surface, and masked by total "confidence" to throw you off.
Jesus I wish you could have a session with my narcissistic ex partner and validate my feelings and everything I went through. It can be very lonely thinking you're the only one who can see someone for what they are.
It’s hard to explain to others why you left a narcissist. They just don’t understand. I met one person that had dated a narc and she immediately understood why my marriage ended.
I hear ya. Mine was a covert narc who managed to fool three therapists. But that's what narc support groups are there for. The average person (or run of the mill therapist) is very likely to fall for their act, as it seems many people can't recognize the malicious mind games a narc plays and therefore finds it inconceivable to think that people that would do this could even exist. But once you have been there in a relationship with one, it makes you a believer and you begin to see it everywhere.
Everyone plz Ignore Nick’s comment on his belittling words towards the victims of this situation. Any person can fall for these narc tricks and be stuck with them. Just report and block his msgs, the best way to deal with narcs is don’t respond and don’t give them any pity or attention.
This is almost verbatum what I experienced in therapy with my narc ex-husband. The deflection is classic. Run, don't walk, run away from the narc asap. There is no treatment for that disorder.
@nick guhr dude why are YOU reacting so emotionally to their messages? They were not even talking to you. And they were not blaming you. You posted two big emotional messages that clearly has to do something with your own relationships. But you’re projecting your negativity towards people that did not hurt you. Now, if you keep talking about responsibility, how about YOU take responsibility for your actions? Who hurt you? Obviously NOT those women, men, children, aliens or dogs who left their comments under this video
This gave me goose bumps - your portrayal of a narcissist was so spot on! Having been with one before, even as just a working partnership, was one of the most kind boggling, emotional rollercoasters of my life. Great job in this!
You... are... BRILLIANT! Wow! I know how hard it is to make a video like that and you made it look so natural! Your acting is fantastic and you are so right on with the way NPDs communicate. I am so impressed and glad I stumbled upon your channel!
I remember my ex used to say " I was discrediting him" when I spoke the truth. And then I reversed it on him and started saying the same thing back. They hate when you mirror them.
This is great, thank you. I used to live with a very charismatic intelligent narcissist (not in a romantic relationship thank goodness) and his pattern was to constantly meet new people and absolutely smother them with attention to get their admiration. Then he would soon start to test their affection and loyalty by creating conflict that he would then further escalate until they couldn’t appease him anymore or they had nothing left to give him. Then he’d burn that bridge and move on, rinse and repeat. I was the first person to ever live with this 30 year old man and he started to despise me for being a witness to his ever changing chameleon-personality and his inconsistent fantastical stories. With me around he couldn’t lie as freely as he used to and he just began to absolutely hate me for robbing him of that accusing me of making his life hard with my “very difficult and confrontational personality”. I didn’t know anything about this disorder back then, thinking narcissistic was the same as being vain or egotistical. This person wasn’t even family or my partner but still the experience left me reeling and it took a long time to get my sense of reality back. These people do so much damage.
You know what I think he Patrick really got right here was the mood, the vibe, that feeling of intimidation and defensiveness that the narcissists always brings to the table. He, the therapist Patrick, handled it really well. Great modeling on how to deal with these horrible people. This so reminded me of my sister, mean, nasty, deflecting, not taking any responsibility, victim blaming, bullying, trying to get me in legal trouble, like anything she can do to cause trouble and hurt. Good video.
This was... Kinda difficult. It was like watching both of my parents in one person going to a therapist. My father says he "knows" he doesn't need therapy and my mother went to two sessions and her therapist actually thought she was all better... They really destroyed my Will, my self esteem, my trust in other people... And thanks to your videos I see everything so clear now. (And yes, they hate It and they turn violent and I'm looking for somewhere to go) It is somehow worse now. But at least I now know It's not my fault. Thank you very much. A fan from Buenos Aires.
I’m 45. Grew up in narc family system. I know it feels like it but I promise you that they didn’t destroy your will. It has been wounded, damaged and maybe even buried but it’s still in you. So is your heart, soul and worthiness of peace, love, safety and well being. It will be excruciating at times and require Herculean efforts to heal but it is possible. And the fact that you are watching these kinds of helpful videos and are so authentic and eloquent in your comment shows that you are on the path to healing. Sending you encouragement and blessings on your path. 🙏🏼💗
@@TheresFuckeryAfoot OMG! That was so comforting to read! Thank you! Thank you so much! To you, to Patrick and all this fantastic community. You are all so understanding to each other. It is a nice place to be, even if it's not physical. This is really a safe place.
Wow, this guy sounded exactly like my ex husband, finding therapist that will call out these people and not be fooled by that "charm" they often pour on in the beginning is so much harder than one would think. First round of "marriage" counseling ended up validating my ex's twisted thinking that I was the problem and that everything in our marriage was my fault. Horrific.....thankfully years later I found one that was not fooled in the least.
Proof you have no idea what you are talking about. That response is the poster child of victim blaming and misogyny. Why are you here if you have it figured out? Or perhaps you came here to project your own issues onto others… have the day you deserve.
God this was scary how textbook narc my ex was. The way you’re talking, even exact sentences you are saying is exactly how he sounded. I can’t believe I didn’t run. For 3 years I kept desperately convincing myself that he wasn’t what he was showing me. Didn’t help anytime I tried to get clarity on anything, he would talk circles and never answer a question, which would make me even more confused than when I started the conversation. Sad it took me having to have a full mental break before I finally realized I couldn’t live like that anymore and ran without looking back. I definitely realized I was a perfect source for him. Codependent, weak, and willing to do whatever it took to keep him happy at the cost of my sanity. I feel like I’m still trauma bonded to him, even a year later, but I know I’m on the path of healing. Now at least I know what this looks like and hopefully will never have to go through this again.
This is a good video. It shows all the blame shifting and projection of the narc. Sam Vaknin said there's no point in a narc seeing a therapist for adult issues because it doesn't work. They need to see a child psychologist because that's where all the issues and trauma started in childhood but that rarely works because it's to painful for them.
YES..I related to this. My xh was like this with the therapist. She tried having him take responsibility for his behavior. He didn't like it and afterwards he told me she was on "my" side. After the session, she told me "not to bring him back as he will only hinder my healing." She couldn't formally diagnose him but said he had extremely high narcissistic traits. That's all I needed to get out. That's when the emotional abuse really started, when I put down boundaries. After the divorce, he tried to tell me "you have to admit it wasn't abuse, until the very end." That's when I knew without a shadow of a doubt, HE KNEW what he was doing the whole time. Abuse is abuse.. no sugar coating it. Period!
I realize after watching this that I’ve been at the mercy of MANY narcissistic people from different backgrounds and relationships to me. I just recently got out of a relationship with a narcissist, who couldn’t tell me one thing without it being a complete lie or adaptation of the truth. I remember during one of our first arguments, I was upset that his ex had sent me a friends request, and when I brought it up to him he was insensitive about it and even threatened to break up with me.. I knew right then and there something was majorly wrong with this person. SO happy I was able to identify narcissism and say no to it early on, unlike most of my life. This video validates that for me
yeah covert ones are very charming and are completely different people when interacting outside of home. They also might take some responsibility agree with doing the work and even start making some changes but then it goes back to the same hell. They might be very empathetic during the sessions but that doesn't carry home.
My father would never agree to participate in therapy. He’s actually said he’d be too smart to ever allow a therapist convince him he was wrong, and he knows why.
I just want to say how incredibly this is put together. The pauses between the characters are so realistic and flow like a real conversation and like there’s actually two people talking to each other. The parallels I can draw between my ex husband and this character is crazy. His parents modeled psychical abuse and cheating, the explosions on a frequent basis in his childhood made for a really defensive approach in conflict and eventually lead to him following his dads lead. Negatively spinning reasonable reactions to bad behavior as “over the top and complicated” when really he just couldn’t recognize that I was a person with my own feelings and reactions was pretty much constant. When I found his cheating after years of physical abuse I asked for counseling and he not only refused but came up with every reason in the book why it wouldn’t work. Looking back, I think I knew he was a narcissist because he’s exactly like my mother. I’ll be adding that to the growing list of things I need to take to a therapist myself lol. Thank you!
This is fascinating! I've listened to countless videos describing narcissism but seeing it played out like this really opens up my understanding. You should definitely do more role playing. You're very good at it!
My narcissistic mother said that she went to therapy, and after watching this I'm not very optimistic about her possibility for growth. I'm glad I'm low contact, working towards no contact.
My relationship/marriage with a narcissist was years ago. I kind of knew after a time that he was self-centered, I recognized the manipulation and deflection, I could see his endless rants and condescension were about the confusion, rage, or discouragement about not being able to control me, and knew that every person he interacted with would have the same issues over time. But your videos have put it all into the same puzzle so that I can see how it all fits together. It's very validating for me even after all of this time. Thank you.
This is really good acting! The idea of someone wanting validation ("Am I a bad person?": wanting a NO response), while refusing to accept responsibility for their actions. Also, claiming to be an open book while steamrolling other people's thoughts they don't agree with. The therapist still tries to have some objective level of understanding, if not total sympathy.
People who seek validation ask for people who ‘get’ them. People who want to an honest assessment come emotionally prepared for tough questions and are ready to actively think through problems with a different lens.
Watching this is very therapeutic. The part at the end of doubting your professional knowledge is a classic! We have to have a strong sense of self not to "fall" in their trap. Narc friends I had in the past, they would never use the phrase "I cheated on.. Someone." Of course that would mean that they have an awareness of the impact of their behaviors to others.
