My mom shares ALL of her issues with me. Ten-year-old me was shown a stack of bills and told we wouldn’t be able to pay all of them, and I have to listen to all of the marriage issues she’s having
Same here, I was always concerned with financial issues at a young age. Along with other things, mostly her only sharing problems and me not being able to share mine effected my childhood, or adulthood is what it felt like atleast.
Me too, as far as I remember I think I was 3 or 4 yr old. Couldn’t remember much, my memories are all damaged , the only thing I am certain that I was still in kindergarten. And now I have been struggling with mental and personality disorder all thanks to her too!
Yeah same. It started with her telling me she wanted to divorce my dad, way before even telling him. Meanwhile I felt guilty towards my dad because I couldn't tell him. Once they did end up divorcing, I tried to give more attention to my dad to kinda make up for it, while neglecting my own needs and mental health. Then later my mom couldn't work anymore because she got some health issues and started using me as a therapist to talk and complain about her pain and "our" bad financial situation as if we were in this together equally. I was 14 years old by the way.
Don't excuse your mom for this, if you've experienced this kind of neglect it's their fault and they should feel guilty. They were adults and decided to have you, it's their problem, you don't need to rebond with them. Believe me, if you'll cut them off, you'll feel better overtime
1. bosom buddies 0:43 2. boss and subordinate 1:50 3. the role-reversal relationship 3:01 4. the emotionally absent mother 4:46 5. the mom and her trophy child 5:50 I hope I could help!
I had a pretty bad childhood and I always said I won’t have children because I never want to end up being like my parents. I experienced both emotional and instrumental parentification. I took care of my siblings and our emotions 😕. Though not easy I’ve learned to heal from these trauma but I know how hard it can be to overcome so I’m praying that anyone else who relates finds peace and healing too 💛
Thank you, that was sweet. It’s hard seeing so many people going through similar things. I’m glad I read one comment that relieves the anxiety I feel reading what others went through.
Do you know what the climate is like, have you considered external factors to having a child such as, viruses(pandemics), changes of laws, war, global warming, life on earth isn't that great in my opinion. I don't want children because I don't want them to experience the world like I and many do. In the holocaust children died because ebb for parents didn't "think" something like that could happen. You have to expect the unexpected....not to mention I dislike being a girl in modern day society I find it horrid I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Plus top be born, is being born to die and I just can't do that. What about the carbon print, what about Venice flooding now, a pandemic that's killed thousands or more, war, and possibly world war three. It just makes me upset, my parents "wanted" a child like it's some doll and we live in some "wonderful" world sometimes I'm so upset my parents didn't even do anything to help the environment instead the OPPOSITE now I have to have the consequences in our life time. So why would I put someone else th dough this. Remember whenever you want to have children consider THEIR future not just hours. Think of your grand children. Remember that typically a child only spends a quarter of their potential life with the guardian then they are an adult an independent person.
@@youngjacuzzi3676 the intention is always that. However it still happens. My dad said the same and he was abusive and didn’t care to get to know me. He said he didn’t want to be like his father.....however people don’t do these consciously.
Back when i was a kid, my mom would always tell me about her problems, the hardships that she faced and everything about how people hated her and her family, till how my dad is an absentee dad who's very selfish(which severed my relationship with my dad). I understand that everything was very hard for her and that caused me to want to help with everything i could, be it saving money through any way possible, such as eating the bare minimum at school, looking at every price tag when i purchase everything. All this when i was 8. Even though she had been through a lot of hardships, she never listened to how i feel, summarizing everything i did that was not according to her ways as rebellious and rude to her, thus fighting every day. Sometimes, even to this day, i just wonder if the problem is me all along. Because i know my mom wanted the best for me.
She wants all the best for you, that's true, but it doesn't necessary mean that's the reason you have to do everything as she said. Don't be so hard on yourself. You love her but remember to stay away from her toxicity. I mean, we celebrate our parents' greatness but not their negative sides.
Here is the actual definition: “The Devouring Mother “consumes” her children psychologically and emotionally and often instills in them feelings of guilt at leaving her or becoming independent.” ~ Caroline Myss. ... The Devouring Mother can also be those who hide behind our followers. This type of mother can make her children slaves to her emotions and her needs. In this type of relationship, the child can end up parenting the parent. This type of mother is never satisfied and she uses guilt like a weapon. The children of this type of parent usually end up doing one of two things They become so embroiled in the parents life, that they end up not having a life of their own; or They run away as soon as they are able, just to get away from and not to be “devoured” by this parents life. To avoid either of these traps, a child has to learn how to set boundaries with a parent and be able to ignore the parent when they start making absurd demands. If you have this type of parent, start setting boundaries now. Let your mother know that you love her and will always be there for her, but you have a life to live and now is your time to live it. Remind her that it is a parent’s job to always want better for their children and it’s a parent’s job to give their children the wings they need to learn how to fly from the nest. After learning about the horrible thins parents doto their children my respect for my own parents grew a million fold. They were negligent for sure but that was about the worst of it.And good luck out there.
Geez I'm the second child the one who guilt is used on when I want to do something. You've said exactly what my therapist told me that I'm too enmeshed with my Mum and need to start being myself. I need to start setting boundaries. I hope it goes well because so far it has but there was some resistance on my parent's side.
@@youtubecommentergal4346 Thanks for saying that, it means a lot because I'm a psychology student. Someday I will hold therapy sessions too, guiding a lot of people. And best of luck on your journey to a better future. Take it one step at a time and happiness will follow.🥰
I find that IMPOSSIBLE to do....My mom has been sick since diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer a tumor on her thyroid in the same year I have been her care giver for about ten years now. At 18 I kinda ran away since u could leave her with my grandma. I moved to colombia however between issues with meds and the lack of my grandma care she came here. Now I am her caregiver again and I have no social life. I find it hard to go out to the grocery store it does make me anxious since I should be studying and having fun like the rest of people my age. I'm an only child and I HAVE to take care of her or she can't survive. What am I supposed to do, like set what boundary. ??
My mother managed a mix of all, depending where she was on her bipolar rage cycle. The more positive ones didn't work for engagement of course because I was already terrified of and hated her by the time I was 10.
Thank you so much for this video as an expecting mother I don't ever want to harm my child the way I was by my own mother who very much fits the emotionally absent mother type.
Sweetie you will do just fine a mother has to listen to her instincts no mother is perfect all we can try to do is better than what our parents did we all make mistakes and it's ok when your kids have kids they will know the sacrifices you made to give them a better life than you had!!! That's all we can do these days no matter what we do were wrong as parents and that's what's wrong with society and why so many kids are mixed up inside there parents live in fear the government will take them away no matter what we do someone's opinion will be against it!!!!!
I developed BPD thanks to the toxic relationship I have with my mom, I always try to be a bigger person and fix our relationship but she just wont change her ways. If you are a mother or a father please understand that kids are not an extension of yourself and they are not meant to fulfill the standards you set for them. Kids are unique individuals and they are as human as you are. It is your responsability to accept that fact.
I realize that my mom never really recovered from her own childhood and after a couple of abusive relationships; she happens to be playing the role of victim to the point of where she can't even find me important enough to bury the hatchet with my dad and has to put it on us kids to make her feel important. Next month makes two years since I had to end all contact to protect myself.
I can relate to the bosom buddies thing (even to today) and though I love my mom, and always will, it sometimes feels like a chore to help with the problems she has---in addition to my own. Especially if she doesn't always execute whatever ideas I give her to try to help. I guess it's just an ear to listen to her is what she wants. But it can be too much sometimes.
@@Pink-zl2vq I guess what you could do is still be there for her, but, and this is whenever you're ready, let her know how it's making you feel. If she can express her feelings about things to you, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to do the same.
My mom was a narcissist and I was her trophy child. I’ve been through therapy and am currently keeping my mom at a very safe distance, learning who I am and becoming my true self without her influence. Videos like this remind me that I deserve to be strong and to be myself despite what my mother might say about it. Thank you ♥️
I find it a little funny how, at the start, I was trying to compare these to my mom. However I came to realize that most of these are my dad's relationship with me. We see eachother more as friends sortof, and he's typically emotionally distant. Which leads to another point of having a parent that gets you all of the best things possible. When I wanted to learn guitar, my dad would spend a ton of money on a setup for me, even though I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to learn it. My violin right now costs more than my instructor's, who plays in an orchestra. I told my dad I wanted to learn photography as a hobby, and I can't tell you how many features my camera has along with like 10 different lenses. It's overwhelming to have to feel like "If you don't learn this, you're gonna be wasting his money" and it creates almost a disinterest after awhile. I would've more than likely stuck with a lot of my interests if I was able to have a good starting point, as opposed to having to get used to professional-level equipment as I'm starting *just* something.
I think to a point, you're correct in the assessment that your Dad just wasn't ready to be a father... AND part of it is that he's just "trying too hard"... Look at his buying up or investing so heavily more like "He's trying to plan ahead"... SO you can grow INTO the professional ++ setup... NOT that you have to light a literal fire under your ass to avoid wasting his money... SO you've got a camera with a dozen lenses and filters, and more features than Darth Vader's Bathroom... It's probably also equipped for a basic "point and shoot" setting(s)... The "starting point" is in the "Quick Set Up Guide" whether its own little booklet, or a chapter in the FAT AS HELL "Owner's Manual"... JUST get the quick part down, and take some photo's... It's not going to matter much what you shoot, so long as you work on just getting your fundamentals down... how it handles light and shadow and motion... jitter... hands shaking... Can you mount it to a tripod or "selfie stick" and what does either of those accomplish? Etc... The first hundred or so shots should just be "stuff" in different settings around your house... AND then go through and see what you liked and what looks better or worse... AND more importantly "WHY"... Get to know the thing... AND dismiss the extras until you've gotten comfortable with the camera itself... AND then you can start picking up on the exploring parts as YOU are ready.... That's what makes it a "Hobby"... Look... BOTH of my parents were completely NOT ready for a kid when I came along. My mother and father were still riding motorcycles when she got pregnant... AND as a consequence, I wouldn't shut up and go to sleep until they packed me in a backpack for a night ride on a motorcycle for a couple YEARS into my infancy... AND if I showed any interest or aptitude at ANYTHING... I got SWAMPED with crap to do with... I'd sketch a cute looking elephant... AND the next thing you know, EVERY TABLE IN THE HOUSE was covered in butcher paper with pens, pencils, crayons, paints, markets... you name it and if it could leave a mark, it was in one of the piles somewhere... I made an improvisation to fix a leather jacket... AND now I have damn nearly enough leather-craft equipment AND LEATHER to supply any THREE shops in town... Built ONE dog house in the backyard... NOW I'm up to my nose in woodworking and carpentry tools... ...I had to learn from VERY early on what it is to literally get BURIED in anything "hobby"... AND you just find a place to start... try to "dummy down" the explanations about "How's that hobby going"... with lots of "Well, it's a work in progress, but I'm figuring it out fine." AND remember to occasionally just get out and away... "I need some ME TIME..." and I'd just disappear for a couple hours... just to breathe. As they say, "Rome wasn't built in a day."... You CAN learn and grow and explore and DO whatever... It just takes the time and "bandwidth" to focus on the thing when and as it really interests you. Sometimes you'll want to just sit and watch RU-vid videos about whatever art/craft/skill you've got the kit to explore, so you can get inspired to explore your OWN creativity with this or that aspect of it (shutter-speeds versus light levels in photochemical cameras... as part of photography... for instance) AND other times, you'll be making your own notes about setting up or performing for whichever skillset... Anyways... it's just me speaking from my dubious experience... I hope it can help... ;o)
@@gnarthdarkanen7464 I see your point, however this isn't just a sorta one-time thing when it comes to me. When I did decide that doing guitar wasn't for me personally, he took it to heart. That's just sorta how he is. He ended up getting *really* into photography because of me, and will take me on photography trips to spend like 5 hours learning the ins-and-outs of the camera anatomy. He has a whole room dedicated to photography stuff (I'd reckon you could call it a studio at this point), but I just wanted to learn it so I could take photos of just random whatever stuff while I'm out on a walk. The problem he faces is similar to the one you had with your family, where he finds something I enjoy doing, and tries to connect with it by spending money on it. He's disappointed when he hears that I didn't go out and take any photos, because he's set his expectations for me to become a professional cameraman. He just sorta finds something I like and ends up overspending on it, and that's where the pressure comes from. The only things he ironically hasn't gotten too much into is my art hobby, and I've been able to learn it and grow at my own pace. I haven't had to feel pressured to become good at it *because* my dad wants me to.
@@NekoVenture Yeah... I hear you... Maybe take a bit of time and just try to let him know "It's not a hell-no... it's just a not all at once immediately thing." He sounds like he had a certain level of neglect (emotionally) in his upbringing... or he feels like it... AND he's trying where he thinks he can, to connect with you. He thinks he can take an interest and show it by spending money on it, at least where he thinks he understands what to spend money on... The problem from here sounds just a little bit like he has a different personal style of showing interest than you quite get... so it feels like he's trying to "buy your love" when he doesn't have to... ANYWAYS... it's tough trying to figure everybody's sh*t out while you're also just trying to navigate your own feelings, mental hang-ups and issues while you grow up and figure out who YOU are... right??? It's just something to maybe mix into your calculations while you think on it. Sometimes letting someone "help" (even when they're helping us into a coniption fit) can be a kindness we're doing FOR THEM... In any case, I hope you can manage. I hope you can reach a healthier relationship and all. ;o)
This video is so so accurate . My family is very sweet and over protective but at times they become way too controlling and that really feels like i did something horrible when i didn't I just said what i felt
My story isn't about my mum but my father. My purpose in life is to live a life of my preference, which means to move out and live in other countries. However I can feel that my father thinks I am a selfish person and that he loved me so much that I took it for granted and only thought about myself. I mean??? what's the point? Am I selfish if I want to live a life to the fullest? Literally the traditional thoughts that have shaped my father really make me suffer. To his expectation, it's my responsibility to stay at home and take care of family stuffs. I don't want to live that life.
My biggest fear has been having an unhealthy relationship with my children. I often worried if I was doing this mother thing right since I really didn’t have any positive examples. I thank you for the last quote. I try my best to be self aware and self reflective but I had no idea doing so was actually the best thing I could do not only for myself but also for my children. ❤❤❤❤
All the comments tell stories of horrible, horrible abusive mothers oftentimes with a kind of biting hatred attached to them. And I don’t blame you guys, I would probably feel the same way. But as I exist as a person, I can’t imagine saying anything bad about my mom. She loves me so much and her life is stressful, and she’s a great friend to me. She helped me through a lot of tough emotional times, she goes on walks with me on occasion, and we’re a lot closer to each other than your average mother/son (not in the creepy way don’t worry). I always saw it as a good thing, even if I knew that most of my friends would consider it a bit unusual. I clicked on this video out of curiosity, not expecting to have any of these things apply to my mom and right away number one slaps me in the face. When I stop and think about what the rest of my home life is like though, all of a sudden the pieces began to fall together. This is not a good thing. This relationship was born out of toxicity, even if it wasn’t because of my mom but rather as a response to some other problems within my family. Sorry for ranting, I basically have no where else to put this shit except my brain. At least in my experience, that’s not a good place to keep stuff for too long.
I wish my mommy and granny knew English 💜 But I'm so happy I do and can know how to make a healthy relationship with my child in the future 😊 Thank you so much for this content 🙏
Yeah. I know I am not at my best with my kids as far as connection. It's tough because I don't want to be like that but it's the way I was raised so that's the map I have in my brain but I truly truly hate it. I know it's not too late but it will take time. Things are getting better since I quit drinking but I'm not where I wish I could be. It's so helpful to have these videos. Thank you so much.
When my sister and me first saw tangled we said that our mom reminded us of Gothel. But my mom really goes back and forth between the emotional and instructional parentifications.. rather than feeling like a daughter I feel like a servant and if I try to do anything good for me I’m told I’m being selfish and that I don’t consider how my mom feels
Thankfully I don't have that issue because she cut me and my brother out of her life when we were young; was she toxic prior to that? Absolutely but she stopped all contact when I was 15 so it's a strangely blessed relief that I needn't deal with that pain anymore. Twenty years with no word from her, she's never reached out, never acknowledged our existence - she's the one missing out and I pity her, she made her choice and she'll have to live with that.
My mom passed away when I was 2, so I was raised by my maternal grandmother. She would tell me I should’ve died instead of my mom one moment, then come crying asking for forgiveness the next. It was just a mess
I have never related to a comment section more. To my mother, everything is a result of my fault. Something bad at work? My fault. Something wrong with the weather? My fault. And she is so scary when she screamed at me, she will back me into the wall and I can feel her spit land on me because she is that close to me. Its like I am constantly walking on eggshells around her. She is the main reason I have anxiety, depression, shut down during confrontation, and I have hardly no healthy copeing skills because I was never taught any. At this point I just know that as an a adult I will NOT tolerate anyone yelling at me. I will kick them out. I will not be treated how my mother treated me.
I love my mom dearly. She's always helped me when I was bullied at school, and she had me at an older age with my dad. When I was six, she started telling me all the bad things that were happening, and she once told me a bad experience she had in her youth with a woman that was a lesbian who wouldn't take a hint, which is why she dislikes lesbians. This has prevented me from coming out as bisexual to not only her, but my family as a whole because most of them are homophobic. My mom has also had a lot of health problems, so I've had to help her while my dad just walked away and left me with her. I have a lot of happy memories with my mom, especially since I'm on the Spectrum and is her first and only child.
I really do have a toxic mother…she said something that said that I’m not a normal person. This especially hurt because I have autism, ADHD, etc. My mother has been toxic to me…
I think my mom is my best friend, so like bosom buddies. However around 9 my mom was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer and a cancerous tumor on her thyroid in the same year. I ended up falling and repeating 3rd grade. Luckily in that time I had my step dad helping us. Unfortunately after they split we moved to another state, Maryland. There I started becoming her caregiver and I still am today (I'm 23) it is kinda scary that I have no social life. When I started dating this guy he got tired of me only being able to see him once a week for the night (not even a day) that lasted a few months and I'm alone again. He didn't even know all the preparation I had to do for that little bit of time and feel anxious if my mom is alright or had a convulsions :(
I'm tired of always having to do what my mother says, I mostly don't care about that but then she says I have to obbey her and if I ask why she responds "because I'm your mother". It's true that I always want to do things my own way. I think the problem between us started since I was a child, same with my dad.
Either way, I can't do anything, I've tried talking to them, they just keep thinking the same old way. If they are not going to change their way of raising, then I'm going to stop thinking they will change
That's how it is with my mother. I'm her best friend and she comes to me with her problems and expects ideas and advice from me. But she's also the boss and I'm the servant. I do a lot for her but I receive very little respect back, mainly boundaries/borderlines of peace and privacy.
You guys are so good I finally feel understood because of this video so thank you so much so many people claim that they care for you and they do but the way that they do it is not appropriate
I wanted to do a college stats thesis on the correlation between abusive mothers to their sons, and whether there's a higher percentage of the those males being abusive towards women in a relationship compared to those who were not. It was deemed "offensive." I believe it to be very true.
Empathy is so important in any relationship not just family you're allowed to be angry you're allowed to say what you feel never let anyone make you feel that just because you're a child you don't have real feelings which is so sad
At the end of the day, we should accept that human beings can never be perfect esp. as a parent, we can never be perfect enough but as much as we love them, do yourself a favor and choose your own self for your own growth especially if the parents are not willing to be aware of their own inadequacy anymore and when you realize being with them/near them hurts both your relationship. We can love them from a distance, and when they are finally ready to open their hearts and confront their own shadows as we are too, we can finally be close once again, or maybe for some, it can never be but that's okay and we should never feel guilty. We should never hold on to those unclear promises and expectations to the parents that they will get better or just cause they say they love us, and choose how we can be authentic to ourselves and to choose what our hearts yearn for instead- most likely without them. I hope I can finally obtain freedom for myself and live alone someday that way, I can really explore who I really am and can finally have the space to rediscover myself all over again, just need to find a stable job so I can find a room to rent to 😅
Parenting is hard, especially as the kids get more mature. If you have a friend who is a parent, especially a single parent, check in on them and offer to help out or just spend time with them, even if the kids are around.
emotionally absent mother, i have this. but my mother mainly sits in her room, covered in dog piss. she left my father to raise me. and only really cares about me if it's my mental state.
I don’t like my mom bc she kept forcing me to do stuff then tells me “Oh I’m just doing it for your future”. Which makes me feel like I can’t live without the things she gives me and whenever she’s like “Oh you aren’t doing this right or that!” I felt so annoyed but whenever I disagrees with her she’s like “I don’t wanna care for you anymore just go to your dad”. My dad doesn’t even care either, he didn’t even want to pay my school fees.
Me and my mom are like bffs but if I do the tiniest mistake she will yell at me or she will say things like “I KNOW U CAN BETTER THAN THAT” or “I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT!” And if I want to wear anything my mom is like “eww I can see u belly button” or “that is to short” and she will say sorry but I just have a feeling that she doesn’t mean it.
My mom used to drown me in all of her problems. If she couldn't pay bills, it was somehow my fault. If she couldn't get a boyfriend, somehow my fault. And even if she couldn't have friends, It was *ALWAYS* my fault. Once, she broke her foot and couldn't take care of my 7 year old autistic with ADHD little brother, so i had to. And i also had to feed her, feed my brother, clean the house, walk the dog, and walk through a ghetto neighborhood to go to the gas station for food. She got mad at me for apparently "starving" her and she kicked me out. The police saw me walking down the road and took me home. They talked to my mom while i was in the car (btw it was 4 in the morning in 25 degrees weather). I literally was starving myself so my mom and brother could eat. I was extremely underweight and i'm still struggling to recover.
My mother is the emotionally unavailable. She is mostly preoccupied with her job and studying for uni and not my emotional needs. I have had an eating disorder before and sometimes I wish my mother was more understanding.
My mom is somehow a mix of emotional role reversal, and emotionally absent. I gre up with a lot of siblings, and my mom was very emotionally present in their lives, but for me, it was only when she needed to talk about her childhood, her marriage, her money problems, how stressful it was having so many kids, it was exhausting, especially seeing as that’s how my whole family saw and treated me. I’ve been telling my Mom that it’s tiring and it makes me so burnt out, and so now she’s somehow always just “too busy,” unless if it was something that wouldn’t take more than two minutes, or if she was already doing whatever I wanted to do. If it whatever I need would be at the expense of anything higher on her priorities list, then she’s “too busy.”
Dont know where else to dump this but: Mother is abusing me mentally and she does not realize nor care for it. I am 21 applying multiple online occupations that usually goes under the bus and she does not support whatever it is I do. Every little problem she goes complete berzerk for no reason at all at me. No Father figure since divorce from 2014 and now I am spiralling an infinite loop of abuse after abuse and I have no idea how long it will take before I finally end my own life.
Idk what category I would put my mother in. My dad & her broke up probably when I was less than 1 years old. She had custody of me but the stories I heard was she dated a lot of diff men. There one particular man that she still with till this day. I felt as he didn’t like me to the point where I wasn’t allowed to sit on the couch next to my mother, for some reason I wasn’t allowed in the kitchen, I had a nightmare one time & asked if I can sleep with them but ended up sleeping on the floor. (Mind you I was probably around 4 years old here, it’s hard to remember). Shoot one time when I did sit next to my mom when he got up. He told me to stand up & grab my wrist, lifted me up & took me to my room. And my mother did nothing. Idk who called but cps ended up taking me away & giving me to my gray grandparents on that side, and after that my mother was always distantes. Yes she would see me sometimes, and I would go over to see her, but it got to the point where I couldn’t cuz of an incident that happened in her apartment. (Being sexually touch while I was asleep) when I told her about it, she didn’t really believed me & said not to tell my grandparents when I was raised to never lie to them by them. To not be afraid to tell them if something happened. Every time I would mention to my mom bout her boyfriend & how I was treated, she would push it to the side & say he was only playing, that he didn’t mean it, it’s just the past. I’ve said this to her bout 3 times going up from the age of 5-6 to 10-11 and when I was 17 years old & she didn’t care to listen to my feelings. I’ve been to therapy cuz I would cry & not understand why my mother never allowed me in. And finally learned that she may not care for me & I was probably the trail child. Cuz she has 4 other kids with the same dude & she glorifies them all the time. I found a paper from cps stating my half brother and I were taken from them due to substance abuse & other things. And it finally hit me that they only bother to take my brother back & not me. I guess I wasn’t worth taking back & left me with my great grandparents who were also traditional when it came to raising me. Never allowed to go out, sleepovers, or have a boyfriend cuz there are men go could do bad things to me or the potential of getting pregnant. I know this is a lot but what category would this put my mother in?
My mom constantly undermines me and makes me doubt myself as a way to kill off my self esteem. She does this with everything, the way I look, my success, my own mothering skills(which are about 100 times better than hers, my relationships, and she tries to purposely sabotage me and get me to drink with her because she’s an alcoholic and wants to bring me down with her so I’ll fail also. It was subtle when I was a child, she was almost a good mother back then but when I was a teenager and an adult she just got worse and worse. It’s at the point now that we don’t even talk anymore because she burned any bridge of a relationship we could of had. It was at the point where all she was doing was putting me down and starting false rumors about me to family members as a way to make them feel the same way about me. She even said her own mom would do that the her, idk how true that is but if it is that makes it worse because she should know how bad that feels. I would never do that to my own daughter, I don’t see how anyone could do that to anyone especially their own children
My parents moved to a foreign country without knowing the language. Since kids learn super fast because you are forced to when you go to school, I translated everything, I was even removed from fun school events to help them... Okay so here's the fun part, my job should've been just to translate, thats it right?? Well one of the most traumatising thing was translating a car purchase for my parents. My mum ended up hating the car and actually the blame was all put on me and I was told I wasn't competent. As a 14 year old kid!! I wonder why I have anxiety as a 22 year old to do anything thats important and why I just straight up get angry when they ask me for help. Please don't ask your children to make big financial decisions with you...
The role-reversal is my mom from when I was really young I was forced to play the role of Mom and I had to raise my two sisters and the more that my mom said that is better for us and ended up being worse and getting us to really bad situations all the way up to abuse
My mother liked to to make everything seem like everything is picture perfect and pretended that she took care of us 24/7 and that she was the best mother
I don't deserve feeling unwell/not ok/depressed in my live, because my problems are 'lesser' than hers and many things I experience are from her perspective privileges (because she's an immigrant coming from a Soviet country), therefore I should 'just shut up and suck it up' because she had it 'far worse'. But I can't help the fact that these 'privileges' in my life are normal to me, because I was born into it and obviously couldn't control any of that?? Should I feel guilty for my living standards and express gratitude towards her 24/7?? That doesn't mean I'm an ungrateful bi*ch who is unaware of her massive advantages compared to people that come from other countries outside Europe. I just don't know what I should think at this point, because it's really draining to constantly have someone reciting their 'so much worse past than yours' to you on an almost daily basis and making you feel like shit because you're problems don't matter in her grand scheme.
Just a year ago, I realizaed my Mom was Toxic, and her way to spend ti me with me was tshowing me like a trophy all the time,and I never felt good Enough for her BC she always told me everything I was doing was wrong or that I could do it beter, even though I was doing it with all My effort
" . . .engaging is useless so they start to suppress their emotions . . . they may also become closed off because of the heightened fear of rejection they experienced as children." The schizoid recipe. It works really well in a family with a long lineage of schizoids.
When me and my mum fight she always uses her issues and stress to make me sound bad and that it's my fault, she then says if if I dont feel bad then that a sign of a psychopath. She also tells all her issues to me but said my brother is a really good listener. She also invades my privacy to the point I dont really trust her anymore. Every week she goes through my room (when she is working she asks her friend to do it) to "tidy" it. She rarley fight with my brother but always fights with me. She always expects me to apologise. I've never heard her apologies after a fight with me. It's always my fault :_
I thought my life is so good until my parents got divorced . Mom got custody,dad married again. I have become totally silent, over sensitive and lost confidence. But me and mom share a closed bond, Luckily we don't have deep financial crisis,it can fulfill our basic needs. But the sad thing is we never talked about my dad and we both completely ignore it. We hide our emotions atleast she thinks like that, but I used to cry when she isn't there.
I feel like sometimes I have trouble emotionally connecting to people and have issues with feeling like I could be open because I'm afraid of feeling like I'm being rejected Because even though my mum loves me she's never been all that emotionally affectionate unless its needed And she can get angry when disturbed during work When I was younger she didn't know how to communicate "I'm busy" in the best way so it may have come off as mean and to my autistic brain that caused me to feel invalidated. She never meant to do this, she cares about me and as a 16 year old now I'm learning how to emotionally open myself up again and not suppress my emotions. I'm glad I've realised it now so that when I go to university and other places, connecting with others shall feel easier.
My ex’s mom is a type 4; emotionally absent, due to her husband abusive behaviors. Her emotions are all cut off, which she neglected to give him emotional needs. He was raised by his aunties instead which caused him to becomes a narcissist . He tries to cover up his insecurities behind narcissism, or even fakes to be an empath to get close with other damaged girls. He tried to manipulate and took control over my life, he keeps telling his dramatic tragic childhood stories to me. Knowing I was heavily damaged and very suicidal wth 🤦 did he thinking!? He made me questioning my own sanity and my logics . I didn’t even tell him that my mom is narc too and she tried to kill me when I was little all because she was mad that’s it- bruhhh🙄 I’m glad I escaped him. Because I couldn’t bare to be discarded anymore,I was too wounded by many narcs in the past.I blamed myself a lot when I ended the relationship . Good news was I escaped him before he completely damaged my identity. Imagine living a life under control of 2 narcs, yucks! I even made a vow to myself that I would never have a kid of my own, I want to end this circle for goods. Let the pains n sufferings die with me ,crumble to dust - no more 😔
i really don't like my mom. i mean, i love her, but i just can't respect her. she's always been an emotionally (and even physically) absent mother, because of her excessive drinking habit, and unwillingness to change. she almost _died_ due to her drinking, yet she went off and asked for more right after. the scariest part is, my family and i aren't even surprised :(
My mom always tell me she's knows what best for me since I was 10. When I achieve something, she always bragging in front of everyone that she has me as a child better than them. But when I didn't she gets so mad, she says she feels embarrassed.
My mother always kept me at home. She never let me go out, never let me do anything fun and she rarely taught me anything except how to cook and clean. I was always told "you're old enough, you should know how to do this" without being shown how. My mom hated me and would treat me like garbage. As a result, I've grown to resent her. That resentment turned to hatred and that hatred turned to loathing. I'm burned out, I'm stressed and I'm tired of being forced to play mr mom with no chance of getting a job and everything is MY fault somehow. Lost wallet? My fault. Beaten by a drunken stepfather? My fault. Bills not paid? My fault. Waiter got an order wrong? My fault. I'm almost 24 years old and I just want to get my life started. Is that too much to ask?
Well yes my mother literally 🙄 Calls herself a boss!! Tries to ignore or act as though I'm in her way and space so I can go away She's a ill person She always thinks of herself But she's ms know it all, thinking your going to make in heaven being that way.i pray 🙏 Kirsten H. Yeah she chooses sons over daughters me her only daughter and she feels totally fine with knowing I was homeless and struggle with mental illnesses We never really speak or spoke since Don't plan too to toxic..gn 😴Godbless
My mother is never home I really mean never i see her very rarily. Even when we see each other, she shows no interest and that she doesn't miss me or love me
