Unwholesomeness of Relationships 

For those who might wonder about the requirements for a layman to become a Sotapanna, here is the passage that explains it: "Then The Lord talked a progressive talk to the householder Anathapindika, that is to say, talk on giving, on moral habit, on rebirth. He explained the peril, the futility, the depravity of sensuality, and the advantage on renouncing sensual pleasures. When the Lord knew that the mind of the householder Anathapindika was ready, malleable, devoid of hindrances, uplifted, pleased, then he explained to him that teaching on Dhamma which the awakened ones have themselves discovered: suffering, the origin of suffering, the cessation of suffering, the way leading out suffering. And as a clean cloth without black specks will easily take the dye, even so as he was sitting on that very seat, Dhamma vision, dustless, stainless, arose in the householder Anathapindika: whatever has a nature to arise, all that has a nature to cease. " - Vinayapitaka, Khandaka (Cullavaga), 16. Sayanasana So, contrary to a somewhat popular belief, laypeople are not exempt from being taught the peril of sensuality and the value of sense restraint. That is, those laypeople that actually want to practice the Dhamma (i.e. obtain the Right view.) And as the passage above shows, they need to be taught the value and necessity of sense restraint BEFORE they can understand the Four Noble Truths. And only if they understand that value that their mind will become malleable and free from hindrances, which in return can provide the basis for the right insight into the Dhamma. Thus, for those who want to practice the Dhamma, laypeople or monks, sense restraint and abandoning sensuality is not optional. AFTER a person obtains the Right view on the basis of their proper restraint, then that person might be satisfied with this accomplishment and choose to not practice the Dhamma further in this life, but instead, look after their family and support the Sangha, as Anathapindika did. That's how accomplished laypeople that are mentioned in the Suttas continued to live their household lives without abandoning sensuality completely (i.e. they were contented with their achievement and were not practicing the Dhamma further). Those who did decide to make a further effort would have then undertaken celibacy and more proper forms of sense restraint. (Which is why they were able to become Anagamis in a household setting). If, however, a layperson wants to achieve Arahantship, even the celibate, restrained household life must be taken further.

I am living in Madrid, here due to the coronavirus, I have been at home for approximately 24 days, except 3 times that I went out very quickly to buy some food. I am in a flat of approximately 35 MTS, I try to be doing nothing, except observing my mind, reading Dhamma, yoga, cooking, in short, the basics. But throughout the day there are moments that I cannot bear the internal pressure, and I read the news, I speak with someone etc ..I can see the causes of doing it, shake the mind, create harmful conditions, I see it, but although sometimes I get it, sometimes it let me drag. I hope at some point to see the Dhamma so clearly that it allows me to overcome temptations. Thanks for your videos help me in that goal . May all beings be free from suffering.

5:44 "Even if u live withdrawn from relationship, if u cultivate relationship mentally and wish for it or refuse to give it up, you are living in company"

❤ the pet 🐕 is lucky to be around dhamma talks 😊

Kakacūpama Sutta (MN 21) "I have heard that on one occasion the Blessed One was staying near Sāvatthī in Jeta’s Grove, Anāthapiṇḍika’s monastery. Now on that occasion Ven. Moliya Phagguna was spending too much time entangled with the nuns. This is how much he was spending time entangled with the nuns: If any monk spoke in dispraise of the nuns in his presence, he would be angered, displeased, and would make an issue of it. And if any monk spoke in dispraise of him in the presence of the nuns, they would be angered, displeased, and would make an issue of it. That’s how much he was spending time entangled with the nuns. Then a certain monk went to the Blessed One and, on arrival, having bowed down to him, sat to one side. As he was sitting there, he said to the Blessed One, “Lord, Ven. Moliya Phagguna is spending too much time entangled with the nuns. This is how much he is spending time entangled with the nuns: If any monk speaks in dispraise of the nuns in his presence, he is angered, displeased, and makes an issue of it. And if any monk speaks in dispraise of him in the presence of the nuns, they are angered, displeased, and make an issue of it. That’s how much he is spending time entangled with the nuns. Then the Blessed One told a certain monk, “Come, monk. In my name, call Moliya Phagguna, saying, ‘The Teacher calls you, friend Moliya Phagguna.’” Responding, “As you say, lord,” to the Blessed One, the monk went to Ven. Moliya Phagguna, and on arrival he said to him, “The Teacher calls you, friend Moliya Phagguna.” Responding, “As you say, my friend,” to the monk, Ven. Moliya Phagguna went to the Blessed One and, on arrival, having bowed down to him, sat to one side. As he was sitting there, the Blessed One said to him, “Is it true, Phagguna that you are spending too much time entangled with the nuns? That this is how much you are spending time entangled with the nuns: If any monk speaks in dispraise of the nuns in your presence, you are angered, displeased, and make an issue of it? And if any monk speaks in dispraise of you in the presence of the nuns, they are angered, displeased, and make an issue of it? Is that how much you are spending time entangled with the nuns?” “Yes, lord.” “Phagguna, aren’t you a clansman who has gone forth from the home life into homelessness out of conviction?” “Yes, lord.” “It’s not fitting for you, Phagguna- a clansman who has gone forth from the home life into homelessness out of conviction-that you spend too much time entangled with the nuns. So, Phagguna, if anyone speaks in dispraise of the nuns in your presence, even then you should abandon any desires related to the household life and any thoughts related to the household life. And even then you should train yourself, ‘My mind will be unaffected and I will say no evil words. I will remain sympathetic to that person’s welfare, with a mind of goodwill, and with no inner hate.’ That’s how you should train yourself. “And, Phagguna, if anyone gives the nuns a blow with the hand or a stone or a rod or a knife in your presence, right there you should abandon any desires related to the household life and any thoughts related to the household life. And even then you should train yourself, ‘My mind will be unaffected and I will say no evil words. I will remain sympathetic to that person’s welfare, with a mind of goodwill, and with no inner hate.’ That’s how you should train yourself. “And, Phagguna, if anyone speaks dispraise of you in your presence, even then you should abandon any desires related to the household life and any thoughts related to the household life. And even then you should train yourself, ‘My mind will be unaffected and I will say no evil words. I will remain sympathetic to that person’s welfare, with a mind of goodwill, and with no inner hate.’ That’s how you should train yourself. “And, Phagguna, if anyone gives you a blow with the hand or a stone or a rod or a knife, right there you should abandon any desires related to the household life and any thoughts related to the household life. And even then you should train yourself, ‘My mind will be unaffected and I will say no evil words. I will remain sympathetic to that person’s welfare, with a mind of goodwill, and with no inner hate.’ That, Phagguna, is how you should train yourself"...the discourse continues.

Ahjan sadu you are very kind for all animals .you r have good heart i can feel budu saranai.

🙏🏼sadhu, bhante👌🏼 ye ca saddhammagaruno vihaṃsu viharanti ca te ve dhamme virūhanti snehānvayamivosadhā ti 🧘‍♂️

Bhante, Wonderful video, thanks for posting. I have a question regarding responsibility and the five hinderances The way to take responsibility for sensual desire and anger seems clear - the only way for these to manifest is through intentions either toward or away from any part of my experience. Wherever that intention is present, the possibility for that intention to not be present is also there, so I am responsible for either choosing to welcome that intention or not. However, I am less clear about the remaining three. How can I properly start understanding and taking responsibility for them? Is sloth an aversion to effort? Is restlessness a kind of delighting in unnecessary effort? Is doubt a kind of uncertainty/unclarity in regard to content that I am responsible for engaging it? Finally, are doubt, sensual desire, anger, and restlessness the hinderances the same as the fetters? Much gratitude for all your work. Your videos have been an outstanding resource, especially during the excellent practice opportunity that is the pandemic.

First of all THANK YOU very much for making a video on the topic I asked, this helped clear a lot of things. Bhante mentions on 19:35 "If a lay person gives up dependancy on company, lust, relationships, sensuality, then Dhamma applies to you". Until what extent does he mean giving up dependancy on company and relationships? Because most laypeople work and live in a society, one always has to have some sort of relationship with their co-workers, neighbors, family members (parents mainly)...etc. Thank you. It would be great to have more videos on these topics since I think this is a grey area where most dhamma practitioners misunderstand.

What if we want to cultivate non-desire and the absence of lust, but partially driven by our fear of other people rather than the goal of being free from suffering?

Amazing videos thank you ! Interestingly related to the non-reaction of even the blow of a stone, shouldn't a well-practicing samana also keep those same rules, if someone were to not hurt with sticks and stones but pleasure with massages and baths? Just a thought. May you kindly be well (8

Thanks 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 Bhante for this talk. Where does a person’s relationship/ company with the parents fall into in this spectrum? Is it something maintained out of duty?

thank you for discussing this great topic. I just have one question hope you can shed some light. In Buddha's time, Visaka and Ane Pidu Situ had attained sotapatthi while being in relationships. I find it contradictory to what is discussed here. thanks and may triple gem bless you.

🙏

Are you aware of any noble ones who lost their attainments due to returning to household life?

Hi sadu this moment how you find the food .theruwan saranai.

I think you can practice Dhamma as a lay person as far as oobserving a moment of impermanence is all about. It was said at middle of talk that the criteria is to practice it, whether a monk or a lay person. I was confused at the beginning though. Solitude is a state of mind. One can train mind with practicing Dhamma at each and every moment as far as possible to be solitude in mind, while even among a big crowd, Buddha said that too. Otherwise, people must be ordained to be solitude and practice Dhamma, that is not the interpretation of this talk. People may get it wrong if listen only the first half and give up practicing as a lay person. If we take Visaka, Anatha Pindika characters, they were already Sothapanna but stil were lay preson. Even Visaka had too many kids, she ccould not have kids without intimacy. Yes, you will never be able fully liberated but you will definitely know you are in the path. That is the key. Day to day you are reaching out the end. I reckon ordain can come after fully realising the current practice is not the end specially as a lay person. You definitely involve with "Asrawa" which is the moments of relationships but recognizing they are the "Asrawa" to get rid of. Day to day you are realising this will not be the end. If one can make that decision upfront, that is definitely be the best anyway.

But how does seeking external solitude prevents or destroy the liability for lust and desire ? It's not always possible to control one's external solitude and the apparent absence of lust and hatred might only be due to the absence of external stimuli and therefore a delusional achievement . Some amount of exposure might be a good reality check and training....? Real solitude is internal... We could be in a crowd and self contained and we can be alone and preocupied with others. If we have to be with others and lust arises can't we apply the awareness , see the danger of it and not delighting in it or acting out of it anyway ?

At ~8:29 you say that the faith-follower and the Dhamma-follower have Right View without realizing the fruit of it. In what way is that statement to be understood? As I understand it, neither of those has understood dependent origination and thus cannot be Noble Ones.

It’s the only game in town in the ordinary world.

Thanks for the teachings! There are different levels of achievement and what one should practice to achieve the "one-returner" or "nirvana", but for to be a sotapana is not essential. In the suttas there are some householders who reached that state. It is good to encourage them to put more energy into practice, to develop understanding, but the good thing is that people continue always with their practice and study, and perhaps with experience they decide to put more energy. It is not black or white, people should always practice Dhamma even if it is little, because at least they will get some benefit and they will generate less suffering for themselves and others. Sometimes the teaching monks can set very high goals that can discourage the lay practitioner and not feel understood. I may be wrong, it is my perception. Anyway, this video is very useful for me, it puts the truth before my eyes, although not all of us are prepared to see it Thank you

17:57 xD

Your notion of christian contemplation is subject to critique. God is an abstract context just as the 40 meditation objects...what is primary... and what you attend to... is the secondary. So 8ts the same as buddhism in a sense. However its vagueness and the idea of love can be critiqued which you are completely right about. But then again all texts and methods and things to do are false in some sense.

Ahjan sadu you are very kind for all animals .you r have good heart i can feel budu saranai.