UPDATE Realize After Father's Day That I'm Nothing More Than My Family's Slave & ATM, & I'm Out 

S1: UPDATE 2 Fast forward to Wednesday. Which was my birthday. Nothing. Literally again, nothing. I suggested plans. They get shot down. I suggested food. Nope, shot down. Ask about watching a movie they are all too busy (they just sat on their phones doing nothing). Now to Thursday night. I'm in bed. My wife is next to me. She rolls over and says in a crappy tone. "Oh, your birthday was the other day. I guess you expect to have sex." That broke something in me(best of my memory of how it went down) I said "no I don't expect sex. At this point, I don't expect anything anymore." Her "what is that supposed to mean?" So I started asking her questions When was the last time we shared a kiss? (Like a week? Nope, it was in December, and it was during her parents' holiday party) When was the last time we had sex? (The beginning of the year? Nope, wrong it has been over a year. She was adamant that we did it in February. I was dealing with my moms health and her passing. So I said something like, "You may have had sex but it wasn't with me.") When was the last time you said you love me? ("I say it all the time." Not to me, check your messages/you don't say it to me face to face. "Well, you should just know I do.") When was the last time we went on a date? (LONG pause) Her: You're being unfair. Emotions turned on fully. I was crying and raising my voice at this point. It asks her how? She can't answer. I asked her how wanting any sign of love from anyone in the house is unfair. If expecting anything for my birthday or Father's Day was unfair. (She got an oh shit look) Yeah, you forgot that as well. I'm not an ATM, I'm not a taxi service, I'm not a punching bag. She asked why this was coming up "out of the blue." It didn't. I have tried to talk to my family and again get dismissed or ignored. I brought up examples. I got an "I didn't know you were serious." "I didn't know it was such a big deal." I left saying something to the point of "If you want to pretend that I'm invisible and don't exist fine, you don't have to pretend anymore." I left the house at almost midnight. On Thursday/ Friday morning. Haven't been home since. I'm not sure what to do now. I'm finally sober enough to think, but I don't know what to do(first time drinking in over 15 years BTW, and i'm not going to drink anymore) I love my family. But I can't keep this up. I don't know what more I can do. I think they would be happier without me. They already act like I don't exist. I can't be the one who is blamed for everything. If I truly am the problem then me not being there should fix it. I can't do it anymore. I have tried to be a good provider, a good partner, and a good dad. Never missed an event of our kids. Never prioritize work. I kept good hours so I could see them more. Took on more responsibility to better our life and future. But, it is never appreciated. It is never enough. I am never enough. I only have one message from my wife "I'm sorry for making you feel that way. We all love you, and we are here for you when you want to come home and talk." That is it. No other messages. No calls. Nothing from the kids. I feel like if they really wanted me there, they would try reaching out more. All of the kids have their own phone. I don't know what she told them. I'm sure they heard me raise my voice. Me raising my voice would have definitely got their attention since i never do. I'm sure they heard me leave. I just don't know.

S1: Update 3 Eta. Thanks, everyone. I did not think anyone would care. You have given me some hope and advice I'm going to look into. I don't know how to respond to a lot of the comments (I know how to just not in words). I'm going to try to figure thing out more. I'm now 100% sober, so my mind, I clearer. I'm going to start meeting with people on Monday and try to come up with options. Update I am done and I'm am heartbroken. I have no one. - 31st July 2023 I have not been well. But am doing better. You guy's have helped me a lot and it means more than you know. I was able to get help through my work they have resources for both therapy as well as legal counsel. But somehow my boss found out I was reaching out and now won't leave me alone but that's unimportant. I know she only has good intentions. So far, I like the new therapist I was able to get an appointment with (I thought there would be a long wait list). She recommended a family/spousal therapist as she focuses more on individuals. I talked to them as well. I got referred to divorce lawyers. I don't want to use them, but I had a talk with them and got an idea of what that route would be like. I'll be like 70% screwed. But we are an at fault state, so if it turns out she is cheating, I'll be okay ish. My kids did reach out after a few days worried. I told them I'm fine, do truly love them, and miss them but needed space and time. For the first time ever, I missed some of their extracurricular activities. I think that is what made them understand something was really wrong. Some other family members/"friends" noticed and started asking questions to all involved. My kids also mentioned how things were not the same without me around, and my wife was struggling. My wife reached out a few times just checking in, "apologizeing," giving me updates on things, and a couple of the times, she asked about the 4th of July. We usually host a party/BBQ. I said I wasn't interested. But, I said that her and I needed to talk alone in person. That happened the weekend after the 4th. Apparently, she was planning the 4th as a surprise bday party for me (after I had left) to make up for forgetting my birthday. But I ruined it as I didn't go and wasn't interested.

S1: UPDATE 4 When we met up to talk, she wasn't alone and brought the kids. I was happy to see them. They seemed happy to see me as well. But I asked for my wife and I to talk alone. When I pointed this out, she said the kids missed me, and it was fine. we can talk with them here.(I believe it was more of a manipulative move). I explained that this was another example of how my feelings or wants get ignored and cast aside. How I have been ignored for a while and how that is not right by anyone. She kept apologizing. I said while I acknowledged the apologies, I don't accept them. Most of the apologies, to me, feel like they are not real. Such as her initial "apology" of "I'm sorry you feel that way." Or they asound forced/just sayong what she thinks i want to hear. Actions speak louder those empty words. I also said that she is setting an example and expectations on how I'm treated and how our daughters will see and treat me and their future relationships. As of now, no one should be treated this way. I think at this point, my wife regretted bringing the kids. My 14 year old took my 11 year old for some snacks. My 17 year old stayed. I flat out asked if there was anyone else. If she was cheating physically/ emotionally or otherwise. She looked like I had just slapped her. She said she would never do that. I asked why she was so adamant about us having sex if February (daughter left at this point) when it has been longer. Why has every part of our romance died within a year span from her part. She didn't know. We talked for an additional 20 min. I finally took out two folders I had with me. One was a separation document (not quite a divorce, but halfway to it). The other was therapist referrals for individuals and couples. I needed her to understand how serious I/this situation was. I asked her to look over each other and ask herself what she wanted. But she had to make the decision and schedule the appointments. I explained that I'm done living this way, and if she chooses to stay with me, then there are going to be major changes occurring both in our relationship and at home. I love the woman I married, had kids with, and built a life together. But I don't know where she went. My kids came back, and my 11 year old was mad I wasn't going back with them that night. I gave my wife time. She contacted me the next day, saying she has made appointments for herself and for her and I. She explained that she set up some bi-weekly individual therapy and we have our first couples therapy early next month. The reason for the wait was so she could establish/work on herself first. I have been using the "Gray Rock" method towards her since the initial incident per yours and my therapist's recommendations. So, it's still a work in progress. I'm not in as dark of a place as I was when I first posted. Some things are better than it was. I'm willing to put in the work, but it won't be one-sided. There is a plan moving forward, so that's a plus. I have been home for a week now but am sleeping in a different room. Some changes have been put in place already, but time will be the real test. As a side notw on the second night of me being back she actually tried to initiate sex but I said no that it wasn't the time or place for that. We had a lot to work out before that can happen. As always, piece, love, and chicken grease

S1: UPDATE 5 I'm alive. And have an update. Trigger warning talk of suicide. If you are feeling like attempting or having thoughts of it, please contact a medical professional, family, friends, and hot lines if your county has them. [988 in the US] After the first post, I planned and almost committed to ending things that night. I think they would be happier without me. They already act like I don't exist. I can't be the one who is blamed for everything. I can't do it anymore. I kept going over and over in my head. If I was gone, then their problems would be solved. They could move on with a new dad/husband who they would love more than me. Who they would show more love than they have showed me. I was the cause of everything that went wrong in their life. My wife probably has a replacement that could just step in and be a real dad and husband to them. Something snapped me out of it. It still sounds weird, but it was as if I could see/hear my 11 year old. She has been the one who has made me feel loved, wanted, and cared for throughout most of this. Both before and after I left. From what I now understand, my wife was pushing for them to "give me space." But my youngest wouldn't accept it. She kept pushing for them to reach out, track me down, and find me. She had a weird feeling. I initially hid the fact that I was to the point of ending things to my therapist. After my last update, I told her. She could tell I wasn't as open with her until that point. That changed the tone of our sessions. I have a better understanding and more tools I can use to reconize and help deal with those negative and dark emotions. With that came some diagnosis. On to my wife. She did commit to her individual therapy. I started to see some changer in her. She has been treating me better. Things were going in more of a positive direction. I still shut down forward advances from her. I found out her therapist was also telling her to stop and earn my trust and that we had to rebuild up to that. But that makes her feel unloved and unwanted. Ironic. I looked into it if she was cheating, and I found nothing. No text, messages, emails, unexplained expenses, weird locations, absences, photos, apps, nothing. So she is either really good at covering her tracks or she didn't cheat. I expressed that if it ever came out, she did cheat on me it was over. The first couples session was a long one. The first hour was individual with me. Then my wife. Then both of us. It was useful and helped, but not much. Same with the second session. Which was 2 hours together. The 3rd was a shit show. This was just after I opened up with my individual therapist about my self-harm thoughts. I just opened up to men and told them everything. Where my head was at. My thoughts at the time. How close I came. What stopped me. How long I had thought about it. Everything. My wife looked at me with a sense of horror. She looked at me and started yelling and kept repeating, "How could I(me/OP) be so selfish?" Theripist calmed her down, and I started talking again. I went deeper into how badly my wife and kids hurt me. That there is no way she didn't know about fathers Day or my birthday. How I still suspect that she has been cheating on me. How the dark thoughts started after my mother passed away and my wife stopped being my wife. I don't know what happened to my wife. The woman I loved disappeared. She has been gone for a while/checked out. My wife was loving, playful, honest, trustworthy, a fantastic partner, and the love of my life. I can't be with this stranger she became. I just went off and unloaded. The therapist said we needed a break to cool down and meet back in 5 minutes. I walked out. I it was being immature, childish, and an AH move. I when I cooled down enough, I saw I had a bunch of missed calls and texts. My 17 year old ended up picking me up since my car was at home. It was the first time she saw me actively cry. I think that got her to understand how much weight was crushing me. How much their actions have caused me pain. We ended up parked somewhere and just talked. We talked for a long while. More than we had in a long time. I got more out of that conversation that I have in the last few years. We got back home, and my other two kids ran to me and hugged me. Not like the side hug. But an actual hug. That felt so good. My wife approached me slowly and asked for a hug as well. I gave her half of one and she started crying. We, as a family, hung out for a while, and when bedtime came around, my wife asked to talk. She did say that she thought she was losing me around when my mom passed. That I had checked out of our marriage. But didn't go in to detail. She said she is still working through some things and when she has a better understanding her self she will bring to the table. She then broke down. She said that she really didn't know how bad it was. She is sorry. But vowed to do anything she can to make it up to me and be a better partner. She is trying. I do see improvement. But why did it have to get to this point? But now I'm so numb that I keep asking myself if she really ment that or if they are just empty words. I dont know if that is the medication talking or how im thinking now days. Some days I feel like my mind is like when an old TV has the static because of bad signal. My kids overall are doing better. I still question the older ones sometimes, but I think it is me overthinking. School and activities are keeping them busy. But one thing that keeps bothering me is I can tell they are walking on egg shells around me. It bothers me. Its like im a jack in the box and they are waiting for me to pop out at them. Therapy(s) is helping over all it just takes time. My therapist said it is like I have been an actor playing a character for so long that I don't know how to be myself. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but I feel the truth in it. I need to find myself first and then work on other relationships. My wife and I did go on a date. She planned it, and it was fun. I had a genuine smile. But in the back of my mind, I was wondering if this was for me or for the US? I am not sure what will happen in the future. Time will tell.

😮​@@Knives7777

Giving her options was a bad idea

_she dont really love him_ Love him ? That isn't even on the horizon, she has nothing but contempt for him - he is the poster boy for a walking ATM...

@@thelimey351 yup, it just took him a long time to realize it.

​@@jamarr27 And though he recognized it he's still willing to work it out. She doesn't deserve him

Awesome comment, you nailed right on the head. I was just about to comment the same thing. All four are of them are nothing but leeches. OP is going to regret getting back with them. His update sounded like "You all have to respect me so that I can be a better leech in the future".

Yup. It's like with people with second families and call their kids the wrong name constantly. She can't even remember *who* she had sex with.

Can you tell me what the story is so I can read it?

​@@girl1213read a story where OP's dad had a second family. OP and her brother met his other family after told her she should meet them. The OP found out that OP's dad called her half sister the same nickname her grandfather from her mother's side have them in a different language. One commentor mentioned he probably called the half sister that name by accident sticked with it.

Where you saw this story, i want to read it lol

@@brunovirginiodasilva It was on RU-vid, one of these channels that post Reddit stories, but I can't recall which one.

Agree

I'd be surprised if they were actually his daughters.

​​@@drkittyphd6205Well, not only will karma catch up to OP's wife, karma will catch up to his three daughters, and especially his three daughters; they'll end up being taken for granted and cheated on by their boyfriends/husbands, and if/when the girls have kids with the skirt-chasers, they'll have to prepare themselves to be single mothers.⚠️

I see men all the time that will break their backs to keep their marriages going. It's hardly ever the reverse.

For real. My wife tells me multiple times daily she loves me, kisses me everytime i leave the house and get home. She does not love him at all

He says in the post why he's still there. Divorce will ruin him financially. He's effectively trapped.

@@jasonrustmann7535 Yeah, each time it could have been the last ! Accidents happen.

@@jyvben1520 for real. It can be a little tiresome sometimes, she is insanely affectionate lol but but whenever I'm at my wits end, i hear about someone who just died out of nowhere, car accidents, illnesses, hell your brain could just be like "we're done here" and have a blood vessel pop like a party snap on new years. Or ill hear about woman like this, and think how lucky i actually am.

tbh wouldn't even matter for me, the way she treated is despicable, anyone that can treat a human like that, let alone their spouse, should not be alive tbh.

@jamieboer3466 Agree, but the evidence would help during a divorce

I wouldn't even bother. She is obviously already checked out. It wouldn't matter if she was cheating or not. What he needs is a divorce lawyer.

@@thepsychicspoon5984 Yeah but divorce would destroy him, so he needs a PI to find evidence of cheating because at least if there is that, he has a chance in court to not get divorced r@ped

He still could have even after the confrontation. He could've hired them, gave his ultimatum to her to improve or divorce, and get the PI to see what she did next. Odds are if there was a current AP, she would've had to do some placating or" we'll have to stop seeing each other a while" honey-baby-sweetie crap. That would at least get some info and a starting point to do some digging while they 'worked things out'.

After enough of these stories, my blood boils when I read that. She'll never accept or care about his feelings. I feel sorry for the dudes who will end up dating the daughters if they take their relationship cues from this cold witch.

All kids are 10 plus and if I am not wrong your kids looks older then there actual age starts every thing early They forgot birthday father's day and ignored him In return he still spoiled them this kind of parenting leds to stupid bimbos growing in college they will become toxic feminist Btw his wife is cheating

Well pointed out the flaws of those narcissist kids.

@@praveenmandal2491 Dude needs a paternity test. I doubt they forgot father's day they were out with the kids REAL father celebrating father's day.

As someone who was married to a narcissist trust me, the kids can 100 percent begin to treat the father like the mother does. My daughter stopped listening to me and asking me for permission. When I told her things to do, or not do, she'd ignore me like her mother did. After I basically had to shout that out infront of them both while yelling at my ex that she doesn't listen to anything I say and how it's effecting our daughter, did my daughter start listening to me as a parent.

I don't like when people say "kids" when talking about a group of boys or girls Yes mixed group are kids OP has 3girls.... girls don't "forget" Birthdays or Father's day Neither do women a wife knows husband's Birthday

Yup totally

And worse, at least two of the daughters definitely know

Their "spa day" is probably a family time with AP.

@@Impostor39890 Exactly. Spending "Father's Day" with one or more of the children's bio dad.

Women want intim time just as much as men, if she doesn't touch you for months then she is getting it from elsewhere.

It's deflection. She's shifting the blame for being upset back on him, not her fault.

The exact words were "I'm sorry *for making you* feel that way." 4:35

Facts!

Even if he files after the oldest turns 18, he'll still save money on child support.

I think the 11 and 13 year old are salvageable. The 11 year is def since she may be following the rest and think it's the norm to act this way.

@@404Kiwi Nah. OP should cut his losses, sign away his rights and move on. If he finds a good woman to remarry he can have children with her.

This story is the most blatant example of "taking him for granted" that I've EVER read. How can the DAUGHTERS be this bloody clueless about their dad and what he does for them and has done? Only when he stopped did they see a difference. He was wallpaper to them and kept the bank account flush. THEY NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT HIM AT ALL! That punched me in the gut just imagining it. This guy could have either punched his own ticket or did that what one Redditor did when he found out his kids weren't his because his wife cheated their first decade of the marriage (after 30+ yrs together). He tried to keep it together for the family and then had the mother of all midlife crises--just left work one day and started driving. Scared the hell out of her, but he was just tuned out and cared about nothing as he went across the country.

He shouldn’t leave before he finds proof that she’s cheating or he’s going to be screwed in the divorce

if he can stand it, don't leave. that would mean a divorce court automatically giving the house to the mrs, while he would still have to pay the mortgage. been there done that.

He didn't mention a prenup but he did mention he lives in an at fault state. So if she's cheating he'll fare much better in court. Need to hire that P.I.

i like the idea of dna tests. even if they are his kids they need to experience the feelings of potential abandonment and loss.

op is waving some red flags. "I was so perfect but now i'm sober" and the " i'm not wrong they're just using me as a punching bag". When someone says " i'm finally sober enough to think now". That means they are not a a reliable narrator. Going to games and buying things but abusive parents also do that to look good in public. Op sounds like he is try to BS is way to look good. notice the time line. Op literally was an alcoholic for the start of thier marriage. 12-13 years of that crap. Op goes well i buy them things on big events and etc. So his sober days. But nothing about the rest of the year.

​@@k70freemanhe literally said first time drinking in 15 years, he had a moment of weakness when he was at his lowest. If you can't see all the red flags and how his family are the problems you may need to look at yourself

@@thatwelshman2713 your logic make no sense. "how dare they not forgive him for being a drunk". A huge red flag - i bought them gifts for holidays and birthdays. Also went to thier events. YEAH DRUNK or HUNG OVER. Also he stooped drinking after 15 years. He started after he got married. Alcoholics will always have a reason to drink. This is clearly a biased post of " i'm the victim". Think about not once op asked them why do they hate him. Oh.wait he knows the answer but wants to hide it. Op" i don't know why?". instead of asking them why and who to fix things.Op needed to go " what where my wrong doings towards them/". Instead of just blaming everyone else.

@@k70freeman Where are you seeing the timeline of his drinking? The only mention I see in the video is that this was his first time drinking in fifteen years, so he's apparently been sober since before the second kid (14 years old) was born.

55 minutes in

100%

If this is a true story(I'm thinking it's not) then he should cut them off for his mental health.

I shudder to think of the daughters' future marriages if they internalize what mom's been teaching them so "well".

It should be noted that it seemed to have been a recent thing... And part of the reason also seems to be that the wife didn't realize a full year passed... This is an actual serious problem happening more nowadays. People are not realizing how much time is slipping away and don't realize stuff until it bites them in the butt.... It seems the wake up call for how bad she was only happened when he wondered if she was cheating..... that seemed to make her realize how bad she's been.... __________________ I was actually guilty of this myself towards my own parents a few years back... I got so hooked on my computer and buying stuff online when I was younger to the point I never realized how much money I spent and how I didn't show affection to my parents (and I was the affectionate one). This seems to be happening to people more and more and we need to spread awareness.... _________________ It's probably less that she's narcissistic and doesn't love him and more to do with the fact that she's being distracted by the fun and enjoyment and seriously didn't realize how much time passed and how much she neglected her husband....

@@tallyp.7643 Saddest part is that mom doesn't seem to be doing it on purpose.... like, she didn't seem to realize she was neglecting her husband... that a full year passed....

@@TheDeathmail Definitely a clear case of her taking him for granted as the best scenario (cold cheater at worst)

Lesson: Human interaction 101. COVER YOUR F**KING BACK. NO ONE is going to have your back 100% The ONLY human you can FULLY trust is your own self.

"I'm sorry you feel that way" is a way to put to blame on you, they're sorry, right, but because YOU feel bad ...

I told my brother-in-law that I was sorry that he felt that way when I called his wife being controlling in a horrible person but I was right and everyone knew it. And 3 years later he divorced her because she cheated on him with guys and girls she was a very controlling and manipulative evil woman and I was right as I stated. I'm not afraid to call someone out for what they are and if someone criticizes me if it's valid I take it to heart if it's not it just goes over my shoulder I don't care

@@xphiles2345 you are correct I what you said but you were not the abuser ! If you had done bad things and someone confronted you and you said it then it would not be an apology. In your case, you are absolutely right because you were calling someone else out! WTG! Don’t put up with anybody crap especially when it comes to the kids!

Even though he's tipped his hand and she may not be cheating now, a PI can still dig into the past phone records, purchases, stuff like that and ask around. Doesn't matter if she's not cheating right now; if she ever did, she could be held to account. And odds are, since her behavior never improved, she's had more than 1 on the side the past few years. May not catch the initial AP from when things turned cold, but there will still be at least 1 to catch from the present.

In my opinion, it actually makes perfect sense. It sounds like she has trained the daughters to be her orbiters.

Not yet, she's arrogant AF and will slip up. A decent PI would be able to get him squared away.

​@@WardenSpectreCommander You may have a point there. And arrogance aside, since there were barely any real consequences for them, it's quite unlikely they internalize and change their aweful behaviour for good. It's human nature. But the guy seems so lost. Unless something shakes him to the core again I doubt he even entertains the possibility.

At this point, he should get his evidence , divorce her, and just send CS and cut them off.

@@WardenSpectreCommander I agree. Cheating or not, she is an awful human being and he should run away asap.

a "Spanish sista" oh and lemme guess: she wanted to come to America instead of you living in HER country

@@yeetnama9094 that is so damn ignorant to say. Puerto Ricans don't need a visa idiot. Why do some of you women think that if you date outside the country all the women want to come America? Some yes, but most no. I've been blessed to travel to and work in over 23 different countries and most people love their country and don't want to leave. Phillipines, Thailand, Brazil and Germany to name a few. Most love their country and want you to stay. Not to TAKE CARE of their family but to have a good man stand by them. Yes some just want you for your money but, we have PLENTY of them in America. Yes? I'd suggest getting out of the country and see for yourself and stop listening to the other idiots on the web.

My daughter did that for my 70th birthday, but had set up an elaborate ruse making me think I was doing something for my granddaughter. When I got there she surprised me with a large group of family, and some of the guys from my old band that I hadn't seen in fifteen years. She also made sure my ex (her mother) wouldn't show up and ruin everything with her presence. My other two daughters, who were brainwashed by my ex, didn't even text me a Happy Birthday. You can bet they will be shocked and surprised to find that they get nothing in my will. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

The AP is likely one or more of the kids bio dad considering they spent Fathers Day at the "spa" and had no real answers about their day when they got home and also went out to eat at OP's favorite restaurant.

@robertmancuso4383 Which points to the kids were celebrating Father's Day with their bio dad.

Oh yeah, when she was like "oh, it was your birthday. guess you expect sex now.", I was like "who the hell do you think you are, lady?" I'm a woman and I haven't had a relationship in years, so I'm admittedly naïve about a lot of things. But seriously, even a clueless person like me can see how utterly disrespectful and hurtful that was. She cares nothing for him; if I heard her say that, I'd want to rip her hair out and give her a bitch slap with a cast-iron skillet. How DARE she be so flippant and cold? Evil woman, and she's raising young women who will take the men in their lives for granted and act like pampered princesses. OP needs to stop that shit in it's tracks and maybe scale back the gestures of support and affection; they don't seem to appreciate them, anyway, at the moment.

and he needs to disowned the daughters because they are horrible and spoiled brats

@@hugoumero9723 Maybe not the youngest. They just follow their older sister, who follow their mother. At least I never remembered my parents birthdays or fathers/mothers day at that age, I had to be reminded.

@@dianabialaskahansen2972 well the youngest should thought that before taking older sister side

Not everyone can afford that

You don’t have to allow it. Men have to teach women how to treat and respect them. Sadly men are rarely taught this

I hope he does. Because he is a loser.

lol

​​@@everett894no don't teach a women anything just leave.

​@@everett894 Yeah try that and see how fast you're accused of abuse.

I wonder how he would be reacting if it was OP allowing other guys 'access to her body'.

It's such a ludicrous statement that attempts to recast fidelity as a consent issue. There's a very obvious rebuttal. "You get to choose people who have access to your body? Cool, so do I, and I've revoked your access to mine. Goodbye"

The problem is the select few out there who want to be the only provider. So sometimes other men get screwed like this it's very sad.

I have a crap memory with "floating holidays". Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, I have trouble with because I can't remember which Sunday it's supposed to be. But what made me remember? Social media and the threads of folks wishing others well on that day. I would've thought at least the 11 year old would've given him a hug and a Happy Father's Day at some point (they haven't gotten to that "this is too lame for me to hug and get excited about" phase yet). What a mess. I would've been hard pressed not to just walk out the door, go on a road trip and leave them all behind. They were so uncaring.

Those are calculated words, she told him those words before, probably early in the relationship

This is what an abuser looks like, taking the language of legitimate issues and concerns and using it to justify shitty actions

He's still a doormat to this day.

They retired his jesery

I'm really glad to hear that things worked out for you. So many people are jumping to recommend divorce as if that's not a tragic last resort. The wife is in a fog of entitlement, and as of the update, it doesn't seem to have lifted. But that doesn't mean it won't/can't. If/when it does, she's going to have a lot of guilt and shame to face, as she should. I think bearing that head on is the only way the marriage can heal. What did the healing process look like for you and your partner? I found the post on reddit, and the update was 17 days ago. Given it was a month and a half between posts, we might get a second update. I hope OP makes one.