"Use These THREE Secrets to OUTSMART The Narcissist" Lisa Romano 

19:10

Ok been

You are the best. Wish I heard this 20 years ago. You are so on point. It's almost scary you know the narristic mind. Anyway girl....you are changing my life as I write this. Thank you!💖

nailed it!

Lisa, thank you so much for your videos, they explained my entire life..l am at the moment raveling my co- depending life...l will continue to learn about this subject..

They didn’t use friends phones & make dif social media to try to contact you again?? Be prepared for that one...

Absolutely smart!

Good on you.

🙌🙌🙌🙌

Exactly! I am two weeks into him moving out of my home, and had an a-ha moment where I realized I could do whatever I wanted to do! I could listen to MY music, read a book (without being interrupted like a toddler), and take a bath IF I wanted. My mind was totally blown at such a serene thought... Enjoy your serenity!

I feel forgiveness is key, forgiving is not for her it's for you. From what I have read it's seems like you felt there was no need to seek her approval for forgiveness, very true and understandable. Your feelings are valid, but again forgiveness is for ourselves. Forgiveness is for our mental spiritual health... I believe for a person to truly heal and to leave no bitter root. Is to find it in their heart to forgive. It's only damaging to our souls if we don't let go. Hope this shed some insight 🙏 Im able to speak on this matter bc of my own experience with several People with this mental state NPD. Almost married one, but I woke up and took the grace of God to help me leave. And What helped me forgive is to understand the mental state of these people, with this new understanding it soften my heart. They're just lost and broken deep down. Doesn't mean I give them an excuse for their behavior. Its what helped start the forgiveness process 💕 ✝️

I feel you. My earth mother is knocking on death's door and I'm unbothered. It's easy for ppl to associate a title with a belief that you should act a certain way But only you know your story your reasons for not wanting to deal with said individual Hugs and healing my friend 🤗

God says forgive your enemy's. Find forgiveness. She likely didn't make heaven. She's paying for her sins. Don't join her. Ask God for forgiveness for not forgiving her. Then keep your joy. I understand what you likely went through. I have a similar family. But o forgive them. It never means you needed to be in her life. But we are all Gods children. And God says love your enemy. God bless you. God is your strength.

some times people have incompatible personalities and or irreconcilable differences .

My 86 year old covert narcissist mother had a fall that landed her in the ICU a couple of years ago. I spent days in the hospital making sure each new round of staff knew she needed an unusual but available type of warmer due to a rare blood disorder, keeping her company, bringing her eyedrops, toothbrush, robe, warm socks, mail, etc . After several days, while my adult daughter and I were literally standing on either side of her bed, she picked up her cell phone and dialed her brother, a beloved, trusted close family member to us all. While looking right at us, she told him she didn't trust the people who were there with her and she didn't know what to do. My husband says elderly people get disoriented and even have delusions for a while after they've had general anesthesia, and maybe that's what happened. The thing is, that kind of disdain, suspicion and contempt have never been far below the surface for her. She will create drama and decide motivations for others instead of simply asking why someone did something. I believe what she said to my uncle as she looked right at me and my daughter actually reflects her general opinion of me and my family. She just temporarily lacked the self-editing ability she uses to cover up what she really thinks, i.e., she lost control of her mask. Her inner life must be a nightmare of baseless distrust and fear. I feel sorry for her, but not enough to let her into my head ever again.

I think this went over a lot of people's heads. Very true and profound. Thank you for your comment 🙏

So so true

Thanks for being real,yes the only adult whom you can change is yourself.

So glad it resonated❤️

Let's break down the meaning of revelation...."revel" - enjoying oneself in a lively noisy way... especially with drinking and dancing.... "ation" - having to do with.....revelation for real !!!💃 🍸 🎶

Could a exocism work for a narcissistic person what you think

I discovered my adult son was a narcissist after watching several videos online. He is controlling, belittle's his father and I and wants to have the last say about anything we do as a family. If I plan a cook out and include him in the discussion he will argue about what day, what time and who we should invite. Several years ago, I started implementing many of your techniques for dealing with the narcissist and our relationship has improved. He started up again this last weekend and it has lasted for several days and he is arguing with multiple family members. It's very difficult because he's my son and I want to be a part of his life and my granddaughter's life. I watched your video this morning and it reminded me that I have to start implementing these techniques again because he is really stressing me out! Thank you so much for creating these videos! I feel so much better about facing my day and making the best of my life.

Pray for them. I want God’s will done.❤️✝️❤️💜🙏

@@ahskincare3150 yes they need lots of prayer..it a demon controlling their behavior,no doubt!!!

The street the t.v the phone the house the car... its malignant and lonely.

Lemme correct you it 20yrs old and up

My ex narc acts out on my birthday. 2 years running now since the breakup.

That's why on any special occasions don't show up and move forward with your life and celebrate the holidays elsewhere

My husband so ruined so many birthdays I stopped celebrating them.... I need to learn how to appreciate that day again

Interesting observation. I thought it was only my npd landlord that came & stole my sentimental Christmas decorations 7 years ago (never to be seen again). They were in the neighbors' storage unit. Then my landlady went & stole the neighbor's sentimental keepsakes. They came knocking on her door with 💪 demanding the return. They retrieved some items.

That is why it is bitter-sweet. I and my immediate family escaped the monster-in-law, but I know she will just move on to another supply and suck them dry too. I celebrate that we are free, but my heart breaks for the next victim. That whole experience was the most painful moment of my life. I wouldn't wish it on my enemy.

That is precisely what I do in almost all situations. I am still working on the others. Walking away really takes the wind out their sails and they get that “deer in the headlights” look when they see you turn your back on them.

God bless it Christine, he IS feeding off my misery, the MF.

Actually, Narcissists Will leave a Relationship/Marriage BUT..Only when they have found a replacement to refill their Narcissistic needs..How do I know? My Narcissistic Wife, separated from me and our Marrige last week for the 4th time over the course of 4 yrs. Her excuse this time, she was tired of me accusing her of cheating. My response, If you didn't do things that anyone with common sense would be very suspicious of, I'd have no reason to suspect you. She 'Gas lit' me, everytime, I brought these accusations to her attention, politely, mind you. After, I got a better understanding of what Narcissistic Behavior, looks like, this video, especially, helped me to understand. 💯✌🏾

Don't use "gas light" lightly... it is the ability to control n manipulate one's reality n make an individual believe they r going crazy❤

Yep !!

I AGREE WITH YOU... 🙄🙄😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😂😂🤣😅

I feel for you & commiserate with you. It's so painful, and if that isn't bad enough, it leaves us questioning ourselves, our own self worth (as tho WE'RE the ones who are defective!) But you're on your path forward & God richly bless you for that. Let me share something I found that I need to integrate daily: "Don't look back, you're not going that way." Hang in there Danny, you're worth every good thing & all the love in the world. Sending my respect & very best wishes to you.

Yup, I am just sick. Can't eat, can't sleep, losing weight...🙁

I don't wanna be pushed around.

And maybe they cannot get intouch or show his feelings healthily

So right!!!

Like toddlers, they rely on your emotional response to guage whether they exist, whether they matter, how powerful they are. Like toddlers, ignoring their outbursts is the best tactic. The problem is that you also have to learn to ignore their love-bombing and even their less obvious manipulations. All of it is geared toward the same end: they're meticulously setting up the football so they can enjoy pulling it away as you take that running kick at it. The look of satisfaction, the sly smirk as you lie there, fooled again into thinking it was real this time, make even the longest, sneakiest setup totally worth it for them. Once you identify the pattern - for me, it always starts with my covert narcissist mother, who will then contact my malignant narcissist older brother, who will then react by verbally and emotionally abusing me or others based on whatever Mom told him - you can begin to avoid the game altogether. I share nothing personal with Mom or "Bob". I never offer information, opinion, worries, hopes, joys . . .anything, because it all leads to the exact same result. If it's good news, I'm a stuck up, entitled braggart. If it's a worry, I brought it on myself and they could have told me if I'd only asked for their help, tsk, tsk. If it's an opinion, I'm an idiot who doesn't know anything. If I gave no opinion when it could have been helpful, they didn't feel they could ask because I'm so detached, but they want to me to know how they suffered. If they forgot to tell me about the big family get-together, they just don't know how that happened. You see the pattern. Indifference to the game while remaining in enough contact with Mom, who is 86 and lives alone in the same town as I do, totally exposes their actual motivation: control and manipulation. They can't hide it because they don't have a Plan B when coercion and lies alternating with fake kindness and interest no longer affect you.

@@eurokay4755 Do you write books? The way you write helps me to understand clearly!

The reason they act like bratty children is they were never taught at a young age to CONTROL THEIR EMOTIONS..Parents who allow their kids to throw .tantrum ...minupulate..and control give them permission to act terrible..parents who give in to this behavior do their kids no favors ..and the kids suffer forever because of poor parenting

I always say.... I pay for freedom!!! Yes!!!

😢😢😢

Hmm similar to my narc BF. He was a dog on social media, would entice tons of women with sexual perverted posts on FB where he has thousands of friends. He's very popular. Anyway, he was always involved with married women!! Reminds me of what you say about not being able to go public

I, too, know what you mean. I had suspicions, caught him talking to another woman while I was working at night. I played Detective myself. Placed cameras in the home, and he found/ unplugged them. Stopped talking in the home on the phone. So, I planted a recorder in his car where he felt safe to talk. I don't know if it was the best or worst idea because I heard things that I never even suspected. He had been having an affair with a church member and family friend for over 4 yrs. I never had a clue. And the things/ way he spoke to her, I couldn't believe this was my husband. When I asked him if he was cheating, he lied, lied, and lied again. When I confronted him with my knowledge, he studdered then said he was being blackmailed by her because of one weak moment when we were separated, trying to work on our marriage. It was my fault for leaving. Said i gave her the upper hand on us both. All on the tape, I hear him trying to convince her to do things for him again. In no way was he the victim. When his lies didn't work on me, he got extremely angry and said it was my fault for snooping into his business. Almost tore the house up looking for my tape to destroy it. As long as I have evidence, his lies don't work. I told him I want a divorce. He says I need to grow up. There are women who have terrible husband's and looking for a good man like him. He's good to me! Can you believe it?

On point!!!!! With everything

So true

Their true colors come out when you are sick or reliant on them.

that is true i thought i was seeing something wrong but it soon became clear

It seems almost like a narcissistic 's orgasm to see you angry and react. Male or female. Last time I did this, they looked at me and left the house like their mission was done. It was like a sigh of relief from them when they managed to push my buttons and make me unhappy

Amen it’s the same thing

You make it sound so easy! I had a narcissist mother who fortunately died which was a great relief. I'm now married to a narcissist who has managed to kill my self worth, spreads lies to others about me and I'm at the point of throwing in the towel. I've invested my whole life into him and his businesses and am too old and depleted to start over again. I'd like to get angry with him, tell him what a despicable pathetic piece of work he is and give him back what he's given me a hundred fold. I've cried behind closed doors but he keeps demanding reactions. When I do react, he behaves well for a few weeks.

🙏🏾💪🏾

Thanks for listing the 3 points

Yes yes yes💕

💯💯💯

12 year later..!! 2 nights ago I found Lisa, now I know the truth, and suddenly I feel the weight has lifted.

True

So sorry for your loss.

I'm very sorry you lost your son.

Great point. Welcome! And if we love the person we hope or wish they'd be, that potential we feel is inside them, then we don't really love them, anyway, the reality of them.

For some reason they see everything as an “attack”, even when it’s wrapped up in kid soft gloves. A no win situation. Always.

What if both are narcissists im confuse

Its not in a relationship its at work and its everywhere life sucks

Is that why there so much murder in the world then love i love people and care about the humanity of this world and i feel short change but yet im lable as a narcissist i dont get it

This is so well put-it’s a dry well … only took me 26 years to realize

Im glad you got away. My divorce was final this past Nov. after 25 years of marriage. I had no idea I was dealing with a narcissist until he called me one🤣😂🤣. I had never heard of the word before so I started reading on it and a light bulb turned on. I'm so grateful to have learned about it because I could have possibly gone back. But no turning back.

God bless you...

CONGRATS on your divorce!! I'm in that same boat but fortunately never married him. But do have 1 child with him. Wish he'd just make it easy and fall off the earth. He's NOT a dad anyways and never will be. Hope your life will be full of love and light now ☀️

I’m so sorry but also so happy for you. Me and my husband have been married 21 years we have 5 kids and 2 are 5 year old twins. I pray I find the wisdom and strength to do what’s right as well. Many blessings to you

Oh sweetie yes I've been with one for 21 yes my life has been pure hell

Stay away you will get beat down and lose your self worth.

Narcissistic people will feed off of you if you allow them to!

Nothing better than that! Congratulations!

I thought I’m going crazy, but my narc does the same thing - whenever he sees me happy or moving on he will try and find a way to clip my wings and set my progress backwards .. it’s exhausting! We agree on something and just before I can make it happen he will do something to either trigger my anxiety or all of the sudden that’s not good enough and he wants more from it. He tells me he wants me out - which I’m trying to do - yet he’s the one showing me either affection or makes my plans to leave more difficult to achieve.

Put cash together…get your paper’s together….copies of tax returns etc

I hope you got out safe!!!

I know what you mean

I learned not to show my smile or happiness with him

Same age same problem. Nothing but broken promises and outright lies from my mother. Just have been beaten down so much.

Same age similar problem as well

Love to you @gertrudewest Me too age 59 going alone now 🛻🛻🛻🛻🛻🛻🛻🛻🛻🛻

Same here at 56 years of age. Sad.

Good! Me too. Took me 60 years. Oh Lord!

I'm going through that as of right now 😢

It don't change ​@@lisaranea

I didnt know too. Now everything is clear to me. Thank god it was only 3 years not 30 . I left him believing it was his idea . Im going to divorce him soon . We deserve peace and love 💕

You can do this David...watch many more of these videos and focus , really focus on what’s being said....all these videos helped me so so much... I was swimming in pain and confusion too, not anymore...theres clarity after watching Lisa and also DR Ramani...and that’s been incredibly helpful.... You got this !!!!! Xo

@@artwithmamafairybreadd this is really hard work and steady work for it feels like eternity but if I can improve over time so can you. Study like your life depends on it. Your great RU-vidrs here and some awesome books to be read. Stay no contact and do whatever it takes

@David I treaded water for years. I was left thirsty and under and just going no where but figuratively in circles. Your decision is to not set boundaries, to let the others ruin your C whole life from now on. I hope you can learn how to swim like an Olympic medal winner, figuratively of course. God Bless you and pray for His assistance.✌

You and me both David. 21 years I’ve been married and I hope and pray I finally find the strength to do the right thing.

Well said, that is a good description. Namaste

Praise God! Thank you So much for all this Information you are a blessing for For me and many

Just walk away....you can do it. Be a Tina Turner and don't look back.

I fought for 8 years because I loved her. Went through neuro psychologists separately ( because I was the one that needed to be fixed, according to her). Also, doing couples therapy. It wasn’t until this last therapist in combination with a psychiatrist appointment that opened my eyes. The psychiatrist was blunt and straight forward. He said so what’s wrong with you? Obviously she doesn’t respect you. So why? After asking me many questions and looking at my drug profile. He said, “ I meet to meet her, your way to structured and willing to fix things. Drug profile shows no addiction type profiles. The fact that you’re here for help and she isn’t, from experience, shows that its probably not you. Did she take over your bank account, business, household decisions, etc? Why? Are you okay with that? So its against your will, and your a prisoner. When she gets upset and you present a valid calm explanation, does she turn the argument to something else? Like a certain word you use? Then start name calling or insulting? To pull you in emotionally. Let me ask you, do you get to hang out with your friends or family like you would like? How many close friends does she have? None… she has had three best friends since we have been together, all three won’t even talk to her anymore. He said, “ let me guess, it’s their fault though. Thats a significant thing but she probably had no idea why, right?” You have my attention.

Yes, it’s like they’re not human.

@@beaudoubleday300 i think you sharing this might be really helpful to other people... so thank you for sharing it.

Are you healed yet?😌

I agree there is no living with someone like this. They will always make your life miserable. The best solution is run as far and as fast as you can away from them.

I've been married to one for almost 37 years. I just found out what he is by hearing a commercial about narcissism. When listening to recordings women have posted, everything makes sense. I won't be leaving, but at least now I understand why he says certain things and what will set him off. He complains most about not getting enough attention. Just feeding a pet is taking away his attention. I would love to have a cat again but I know that he would be set off any time that I pet the cat. He once said, "You walk past [the dog] and pat her on the head. What do I get?". I actually replied, "You want me to pat YOU on the head?" because I didn't see the big picture at the time. Now that I've done research, it all makes sense now, so I won't be as hurt or upset by his rants. I'm not going to cry in front of him. I'm not leaving because I took my vows seriously. I now understand why my mother-in-law left her first husband (my husband's father), but nobody knew back then. I wish I could've been able to talk to her about it, but I didn't understand it then.

پپپ

Not all narcissists are bad all the time. The one I know has a rant once a month; sometimes longer than a month.

These types of people are emotional vampires.

Definitely facts” 💯

Well said 👌💯🙂

Too long

@@christineribone9351 It was long but I read it twice. 😊

I’m going through the same situation.

@@trainerkarin1 Just ignore him and don't give him an emotional reaction. This hurts them the most.

Wow. I’m kind of going thru the same thing rn. I don’t want him to go insane tho and for us to have a good time, any tips to get him to stop or chill out?

It doesn't work like that unfortunately. He will not chill or stop. He can't help it, it's the nature of his mental condition. His narcissism views you as a threat so he must control you or make life difficult for you if he can't control you. You need to submit to him and even that will not make him happy because it's never enough for a narcissist. His feelings of envy and jealous will not be under control. He views you as a source of narcissistic supply and if you can't be a positive source then he will provoke you to get a negative reaction from you. All you can do is understand that your brother/sister or whomever is a person with a mental condition. You need to understand that it's not about you it's him who is dealing with a mental problem "NARCISSISM". So you need to not wait from anything positive or negative from him and make peace with the fact that he is a disordered individual and never give him an emotional reaction or any type of validation. After some time he will feel defeated and he will disengage because he can't assert control over you. The key is to never give him a reaction even if he came to your face and started screaming and threatening you. Just walk away and don't give him an emotional reaction. This will make the cycle stop. It will allow your brother to have more self reflection. Just don't engage and be part of the drama. Remember narcissists are cowards so they need you to react to them so that they can feel powerful.

@@lissette1877 my replay to you didn't work, so I replied to my own comment. But this replay is directed to you.

Receipts, receipts, receipts

I had told my dad about my sister's behavior, he would always brush it off. This is why she is a narc for the past 40 years. She was never taught boundaries. I was treated as the black sheep.

@@missxspencer1538 it'd give anything to have video recording of my sister pulling her crap on me over the years! Now that phones have recording capabilities on them, i will absolutely video her ass if we ever have to be around each other again. I'll say, if you think the way you treat me is acceptable then you should have no problem having it recorded :)

This is so relatable to me! My husband and I are currently dealing with a narc in our family. It's just hard because we live with her and we don't have a place of our own at the moment. I let him do all the talking since she's apparently scared to death of me. She's lucky I don't knock her tf out!

Confidence and knowing.

So true The Power comes from above and within. God helped me to be humble and to stop reacting and that ended the attacks.

I have a narcissistic mother and older brother, and the dynamic has been to draw me into their conversations or plans in which I'll be set up. For example, Mom will ask for my advice or opinion which, unbeknownst to me, she's going to take to my brother in the context of me 'disagreeing' with him when in reality, I had no idea the two of them had already decided the issue. Then, I would get a long, hateful text or email from my brother questioning my motivations, intelligence, loyalty to Mom, and my general character. I struggled with confusion and self-doubt for years until I finally saw the pattern: it's always the 2 of them, never anyone else; I'm always wrong, always blamed, always told I'm overreacting after being insulted and judged, and I was always, always confused about how I could be so bad at communicating. Once I saw the pattern, I had the chance to confirm it in one incident. That experience, where I knew going into the situation that no matter what I said, I was going to get verbally assaulted by my brother, helped me look at them more objectively, less like all-important family relationships. I had to grieve the loss of the "normal" relationships I always believed I'd had with them as a daughter and sister. It was really hard, but the reality was staring me right in the face: they weren't relationships; they were transactions in which Mom and brother were just extracting emotional reactions (pain, worry, confusion, apologies, promises to be more attentive, etc) from me. Objectively, I perceive any conversation or plan that includes either one, or especially both, of them as an invitation to a tug-of-war with me on one side and the 2 of them on the other. The invitation is always extended by Mom, asking me for my help, opinion or participation. I perceive this as her tossing one end of the rope to me for me to pick up and pull. What she isn't saying is that she's already gotten my brother's opinion and agreed with him. In my analogy, my brother is hiding behind a tree on Mom's side of the rope. She knows he's there but doesn't tell me. Before I knew better, I would freely offer my thoughts, ideas, opinions, etc. and she would actively engage in the conversation. I would leave thinking it had been a good visit. Now, I see that as picking up the rope and tugging back and forth, discussing plans or ideas with Mom. But Mom would then replay our conversation to my brother, emphasizing anything I said that differed from his opinion, and then I would get the hostile, condescending message from him: "back off; you think you're smart but you're too stupid to know how dumb you are." In the analogy, while she's got me pulling on the other end of the rope, Mom signals my brother to come out of hiding and yank on it, pulling me into the mud puddle. Her greatest joy is "helping" me back up and convincing me that she loves me even though I'm so worthless and dirty all the time. Rinse, repeat for 58 years. Now, she can toss that rope at me every day and twice on Sunday (and she tries), but I just look at it, tell her it's an interesting rope and cjamge the subject. She loses interest in the conversation/game pretty darn quickly after that, confirming once again, what her purpose was. Mom and I haven't had a substantive personal conversation, and I haven't heard from my brother, in over 2 years. He moved far, far away about 6 months after I adopted this tactic. If you can, start keeping track of the incidents that leave you feeling 'less than and try to find the pattern: who is involved, how does it start, what role do you play, and what's the result that leaves you upset? Then, when the pattern shows up again, test it: play your role one last time and if you get what you expected, now you know it's not a relationship at all, it's a toxic tug-of-war. You can't change them; they don't change because they don't want or need to change. They just want/need someone, anyone, who is willing to go into the mud puddle. The "relationship" is not and never has never been about anything but getting you to play that role, and that's the only thing that you have the power to change. They'll quickly, discreetly go in search of another patsy to pull on their rope and go into the mud. They will never, ever be the ones that go in the mud, mo matter how hard you pull. Don't waste any time or energy trying to figure out how to make that happen; it won't and you'll still be holding that pointless rope, with them on the other end, years later. If you just drop it,, completely, politely, with a smile on your face, you will have gained the most important thing: peace of mind, genuine relationships, self-respect, and your dignity, all while staying clean.

@@darlene3747 And, for the record, I will also engage with a bully in defense of someone else, regardless of the outcome. It's not about changing the bully. It won't, and I know that. But in the current environment where it's become acceptable to malign or put down others, especially marginalized people, I've decided that's one thing I can do, even if it's just to let the victim know they're not alone, they're seen, and that bullying isn't normal, acceptable behavior. A co-worker has been very open about the subtle ways that Black women are put down, ignored, and intimidated in social and professional situations. I've just decided to be more attentive, more outgoing than I usually am, to look for the person in the meeting or at the party who might be feeling left out or awkward and make a connection that might buffer the bullies in my corner of the world, which is a much harder place for some than it is for me. At my age, I should have been aware and doing this for years. But I literally have nothing to lose at this point being braver than I've been before. I don't think there's anything wrong at all with standing up for someone who's being abused as long as you don't tie your value to changing the bully.

@@darlene3747 I had a bout with breast cancer 12 years ago. Out of the blue, no risk factors, no family history, no genetic markers, not a smoker, not overweight, I breastfed both my children, sunscreen every day, annual checkups, the whole thing. Double mastectomy, 6 months of chemotherapy and I'm statistically "cured" now 10+ years out. I had a LOT of time to myself during that year of treatment, too fatigued to "do" much of anything. Also,, because the swine flu was going around at that time and my immune system was shot, my husband sequestered me from physical contact with the outside world to keep me safe. Scary? Yes. But it was also so clarifying. None of us is really here for very long, and few of us will impact the world at large. But if you can accept that what you choose to devote your extremely (perhaps imminently) limited time, talent and energy to mainly affects YOU (are you better, kinder, wiser, more grounded, more confident, more at peace having spent your time, talent and energy this way?), then you can choose to stop wasting your precious time, talent, and energy on things like gossip, envy, fear, anxiety, doubt, comparing your body, job, house or bank account to others. Basically, I became blissfully aware that almost nothing I had spent time on, other than my beloved husband and children and a few close friends and family members, really mattered at all. Things, beyond basic shelter, food and clothing DON'T MATTER. What you think other people think DOESN'T MATTER (and you're likely wrong about it, or at least the reason they think it, anyway) When I accepted the fact that, except for about 3 things, nothing really mattered, it was the most liberating, joyful experience of my life. Those 3 things, for me, were: have I shown the people I love that I love them, just as they are; have I been grateful for my life today; have I made someone's day better somehow today? Of course, I was realistically contemplating my mortality at the time, and as the years have passed and I'm still here, it's easy to slip back into the old way of thinking. But when I feel unsettled, I run back to those 3 things and I'm reminded of the only 3 things that matter to me. It may not be helpful in the context of helping people deal with the complexity and confusion of coping with narcissistic people, but if you can get to the point where you trust that, if you had a year left to live, what negative people do, and say and think and believe and tell others, etc. just WON'T MATTER. At all. Period. If you trusted that, if you knew it to be true in your soul, you would simply stop spending your time, talent, and energy on anything related to them, except possibly separating your physical life from them if they're your spouse or live-in. I hope I haven't offended by sounding as if I'm minimizing how hard this is. I am also talking to myself, because it's just been in the past few years that I realized my family of origin includes these disordered personalities. They are confused by, openly contemptuous of, and openly mock my "almost nothing matters" approach to life. But then, part of their negativity is related to their firm belief that being associated with "the right people" and "the right groups" and avoiding "those people" and "those activities" (almost all of which are profoundly negative) is very important! They don't understand, and it hurts to decide I'm just no longer spending my time, talent, and energy on explaining any more. I hope this is helpful, as it's intended to be, and I appreciate your responses.

@@eurokay4755 Bravo! Bravo! Calm Confidence. It works.

I understand what your saying. I use to argue back and defend my self. Now I'm getting use to not responding. Now he is puzzled wondering what's wrong with me because he cannot get me all mest up any more. Im putting me first and easing myself to a better life and out the door one day. By watching this channel I have learned a lot of good information that really help me come a long way with myself.I Hope everyone who need real help continue to watch learn and be inspired to make a permanent life change for the better

We all make mistakes.

Get rid of him or her immediately.

Destroyed some of my relationships

You didn’t know…now you do. Apologize to your family and assure them you now know what a narcissist is, and it will never happen again.

I apogized to my grown kids for marrying their Covert Narcissist Dad. But really I didn't know. So forgive yourself and heal Hun.💪🙏😍

Never too late 😊

Right, it’s never too late to change

My Ex grew up with a narc father and I grew up with a narc mother, our marriage didn’t fit well and didn’t survive.

It’s not easy. When he’s asleep slip $$ out of his wallet and stash it where he can never find it. Get out as fast as you can.

I have a similar situation. A child is involved and makes it very difficult.

@@marykelley5182 I hear you. I had a 6 year old when I left his father. He followed me, keyed my car, put sugar in my gas tank, tore the mirrors off the sides of my car, brought me to court several times, told his lawyer I was a drug addict, and had to have a hair sample taken, he’d follow me when I was out and stalk me telling me he’s taking our son away from me. He wouldn’t return him from visitation, kept him out of school so I couldn’t have him. It went in and in for 3 -4 years.

I was told to keep a journal so I could keep everything fresh in my mind instead of sweeping under the rug

Move on in silence. Say nothing to your narc about your impending exit. Keep your guard up. Sending you positive vibes and energy.

Thank you Lisa

Same with my sister

@@steeeez77 yeah my family doesnt even care only the time I met them fornabputn3 weeks til the novelty wore out

Narcissist think what they think is right for you is absolutely right for you, but not necessarily for them as they think they are better than you. 😂

I just figure it out that my sister is a narcissist and has been emotionally beating me up besides her raging temper tantrum‘s and threats I feel like I’ve been an emotional hostage for the last 15 years I have recently detached myself from her which has only angered her more. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even except calls emails social media any of it. It’s been several weeks since I last seen her over the holidays and I know expect the bomb to go off any minute. I want to thank you for this brief seminar is it’s giving me the courage to not react like I have in the past I will no longer be her emotional physical or financial Safetynet under the control of guilt and manipulation and threats it’s freeing to finally realize that I don’t have to be there for her anymore. Thank you Lisa

thank you for this. this is so completely true.

I'm winning unless he comes to see me. I'm playing no more games. I'm through for my own good, once and for all time. 🤩 🥰 😚 🥳 Bless him and Goodbye !

Yeah quit playing. They will not get feed. They will find someone. I hope not. Goo. Away

I get how you say it’s TIRING....I’m so worn out by the narc behaviour surrounding me...it’s eaten all my energy...I had so many things to look forward to but I’m wasting time and have so for years trying to constantly recover from narc behaviour....so so wasteful....I’m angry and tired now...

Bravo. I'm tired if being a punching bag too..Recently, my mother got very emotional and drunk at a dinner party I held. She ended up slapping me across the face. A couple of weeks later we were out and she was still upset over a particular situation and trying to see what I knew about it, I found out she minimized what she had done and she said she wasn't that bad. Just thank God you know now what you know. I have started to realize but even more so now and I've just turned 60!

@@joolspools777 I am so sorry she hit you. I grew up being physically abused and it is so painful. I am still taking the separation from my mother. It is not easy but i a, so much less angry and I am taking better care of myself. I am noticing that I was not even drinking water when I was thirsty or resting when I was exhausted. My mother has been upset by the separation but isn’t talking about it. It doesn’t matter because she is not going to change. I can change her access to me.

@@alyssarosengard6674 Thank you for being sorry about it because I doubt anyone else in my family will be. Please don't allow your mother to make you feel guilty. They are very good at playing the victim. I wish you all the best. We have to take care of ourselves first..we can honour our parents without putting up with bad behavior.

@@alyssarosengard6674 I just reread what I wrote to you and I still don't know how I'm going to go forward esp as my father is enabling her, she's old and lives close to me and other family.

Wow!!!!!! What a "wake up,!" Yes. I need saving!!!!

I don’t think I’ve been in a narcissistic relationship, but I’m sure it’s also not too late to get the Fck out.

Mine lives across the street. I get it.

Mine lives with me....it’s wrecked everything

Very true and what type of yoga to be exact??? Also therapt

I need to try to do something because I am being eaten up inside... Yoga sounds like a good idea!

Stay strong my friend.... you deserve to be loved . 🙏

If you ever need to talk💕

Some personality disorders are very treatable. NPD and ASPD are known for being hard to treat, but the others aren't.

Better late than never. I wasted 10 solid years on a narc man who damaged, drained me, and wasted my precious time from 43 to 53 yo.

Narc parents tend to lead to a habit of being drawn to narc relationships, maybe your mother is more narc than you realize.

@@doradestroy yes I think you’re right.

@@Jezebel066 Adding to the last commenter’s point - including the fact that your mom was riding you for supposed deficiencies at the very point when she should’ve been encouraging you and rallying to your defense….It really stinks when you realize there are two or more narcs close to you. It’s so sad but hang in there - you can heal once you escape.

Your mom may suffer from bipolar disorder but may not have the other defining qualities of a Narc. But in my personal experience not all Narcs have BPD.

Good for you! Stay 💪

The psychotherapy industry is so driven by our narcissistic corporate culture that I do not trust them. As a whole, it attracts some of the most damaged narcs I have ever met.

These fools can easily become killers. They can kill you and butcher you then deny it ever happened. 20 years later they would admit to doing it but say you deserved it lol. Write these creatures off as a healthy loss..

I don't know if my daughter-in-law is a narcissist, but our son cut us off nearly 7 years ago. We lost our granddaughter who is now 9. Something was wrong, we tried to correct it, and it was over. But we never would have chosen to leave our first grandchild whom we love, though she no longer knows us, other than the gifts we drop of at the the door for her for Christmas & her birthday. But we used to see that our gifts for her were left untouched until she was 3 and a half and then we were gone. So we don't know if she is allowed our 'new' gifts, since I believe the mother shops for her at second hand stores

🙏

Make yourself a priority. Take care of yourself, mind, body and soul. Think carefully about what things you can do today to help yourself have a happier and successful future. Keep watching these types of videos and learn as much as you can.

I am with you my friend ... 🙏

Are you familiar with HG Tudor? It sounds like you have an addiction to narcissists (you’re probably an empath). You need to work on your subconscious addiction before getting into any more romantic relationships. I can relate… Good luck! 💙

Yay❤️❤️❤️❤️

Yes. We cannot push back because it will never work. What would be the point. Npd cannot will not change in any real way. You can vent. You can tell them how horrid they are... Etc etc ... But that just supplies the monster?and keeps you in their fake shadow life. Notjing is real..so us telling them anything will change nothing. Just tell yourself that life w/ them in it was horrid. And life without them in it can be so much bettter. Get off the dark Merry go round. Love bomb...demeaning ghosting discard...round and round again. I made the jump off that horrid cycle. He cannot reach me again. No interest! But i watch to be certain I understand?and behave in ways that do not attract?any other npd persons in any role of my life. I want to recognize them early and not give a place to plug.... And by actions and attitude and limits....not be attractive to npd types. They will see no weakness... No patience for nonsense...no belief in love bomving or gas lighting. And zero supply. !!!!!!

I'm going through this with one of my in-laws. She's not necessarily blood to me, and I just ignore her.

@@christianpulisic7784 tanks Christine !!! I agree! Its hard but I look at it like an alcoholic is addicted to booze . There definitely is an addictive nature inside of me that is eager to impress the narcissist and then I get to fall in love again all over again with the love bombing cycle

Me the same ..today I fully and completely believe my husband is a narcissist

Prayers for strength for you

Oh my goodness...I so get this and completely understand! As daughter's, we had no positive female role-model. I have always studied women that I admired and tried to adopt some of their traits for myself. We are like a patched quilt, but when you think about it...we are truly different in a unique, survival way. Many patched quilts are beautiful & warm. They tell a story.

It is extremely calming.

@trinap If they are elderly, it might not be narcissism but dementia or Alzheimer’s.

I don't think so.

@@danilaroche1156 its not for me.

i so agree