"USE YOUR WORDS" stop saying this 🛑  

I do find "use your words" to be useful when all my toddler does is the whiney sound. I ask whatswrong, or if he needs something and he makes a louder whiney sound. So i say "hey bud, i need you to use your words. I dont know what uuuuuuuuuuuuu is, you need to use words to tell me what you want" and then he usually takes a second to think about it and starts speaking his toddler gibberish. Staying calm works!

💯 While "use your words" is useful at times, it is not useful at that point you describe. My degree is a BS in Ed and I recall lots of yuppie parents misusing the "use your words" guidance even then in the late '80s. In school we learned that this phrase is best applied to situations where a calm child is reaching for something and perhaps making eye contact with the adult to indicate that they want it (a common thing is a sippy cup). At this point it's fine to ask the child to say "sippy cup". If you are looking for a specific word out of a child that is less likely to use words, it's good to tell them what word(s) you want from them to avoid frustration since they may not remember the word.

Thank you!!! I literally just had a talk with my husband today about this. His approach is different than mine and I love how you explain exactly what I was trying to convey to him! Please keep making more videos!

The kid will learn the meaning of "use your words" or any other phrase you employ regularly. So use adultesque phrases for what YOU actually mean. A little child who is having a meltdown should not achieve victory for having the meltdown. Patiently ignore him, isolate him or restrain him (if absolutely necessary). When he is calm, speak to him as you would have him learn to speak to others.

Almost 43 (not a mom) and wish I'd been taught better regulation.

Please do not shame this incredibly useful phrase like this. The example you used is NOT the example of when this phrase should be used. In the example you used the child IS using their words. They are clearly and effectively communicating their frustrations and desires. "Use your words" is not meant to help children regulate their emotions. It's meant to teach them communication skills. You should use this phrase when your child is NOT using words and simply whining, screaming, crying, etc but with no words to communicate their wants or needs, as well as when they are resorting to things like hitting, throwing objects, or just flailing about. In the situation you described the term "use your words" would be confusing and perhaps even invalidating to a child because they ARE using their words. They're communicating effectively. They're just not communicating politely. Emotional regulation is an extremely important skill to learn, and "use your words" is not the tool for it, but that does NOT mean that this tool isn't valuable. It's just being employed for a job it's not meant to do. You shouldn't use a screwdriver or a hammer when what you need is a hexkey. And you shouldn't use "use your words" when your child is already using words and the tool you need is one like gentle reminders to ask politely, or teaching them some basic grounding techniques for children. Please please please do not spread misinformation about parenting. It's hard enough being a parent as it is. We don't need parents taking potentially useful tools out of their toolbox. We just need them to know how to most effectively use those tools.

I don't see parents using this the way you describe. It seems like you're making a strawman argument to promote something that makes you money. Most of the time it's a reminder when kids look like they might grab or hit not to grab or hit. Yes, self regulation is the skill, but I think you're missing the point. Lots of parents use this well and their children know what they mean.