watch this if you struggle with being too nice 

That fine line between being a genuinely kind soul and people pleasing

25:22 "you can't be a good girl forever and get through this world unscathed because people are going to use you, abuse you, chew you up, and spit you out. you have to act like them sometimes to get what you want. " so true. this has been my experience too even after I became much more successful. people can be so entitled and abusive if you don't protect yourself.

IT NEEDED TO BE SAID!!! Being a successful, young, Black, and conventionally pretty woman makes people say the wildest sh*t to you. It's ridiculous...

I can already smell blood in the water regarding this video. Don’t let anybody make you feel bad about speaking your truth Kelly. EVERYBODY at some point in life has been made to feel “less than” because you possess something another person is lacking. This does NOT have to be money, it could literally be anything; education, beauty, confidence, friends, great taste, good energy etc etc

For someone to come into your house and ask you “how do you afford this?” is so rude. Shut the door on those types of people. Love the lessons you shared in this video!

Be careful at college, people can be so cruel. I was severely mistreated, gossiped about, and isolated for not fitting the mold of how a black girl/BIPOC should act. Don't let anyone dim your light or question your reality, you got this!

The stories you mentioned remind me of Twitter in a nutshell. A woman recently tweeted how she loves waking up in the morning and making coffee for herself and her boyfriend and they have a long conversation before work, and people were so angry/insecure saying, "Well I'd love to be able to sit and talk to my boyfriend before work but I work ridiculously long hours" "Must be nice to be self employed and work when u want", it was full of snide/insecure comments and I think that's what Twitter has turned into. Lord forbid you show something good happening in your life, it's seen as an attack by other people. But I also know of these people in everyday life that like to bash others that are doing 'seemingly' well. It's all in their head, as long as the person is being cordial towards you there's no need for such behaviour.

I had 2 middle aged painters come in to paint, one of them was a whole pervert. As soon as he came in he asked if I live alone if I have a partner, if l ‘like the ladies’ etc. I was trying to be nice but I had to cut him off and keep it to business. In the future, no more conversations. As soon as they step out of line I say “I’m not answering any personal questions, any conversation we have will be business and based on the service that you are here for.” Any talk back after that I’m kicking them out and calling their boss to replace them. I can’t allow you to disrespect me in my own home.

I can’t help but observe that a lot of what you described is definitely AMPLIFIED when you’re at the intersection of being black and a woman. It’s like peoples insecurities jump out even more because deep down they’re like who does this black woman think she is? knowing she’s a baddie and worth all she desires; how DARE she?? I’m also learning that sometimes you gotta give them a little spice because not everyone deserves you at your sweetest. great video!

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” - Eleanor Roosevelt Thank you to The Princess Diaries for putting that in my head as a 90s kid. It's what I live by.

You just described 80% my interactions with people-men & women. 😂 😢 It’s exhausting. I’m sorry. Pull back your soft energy, faster. It’s not about being nice or not nice. It’s about when to be in your light feminine energy vs your dark feminine energy. And about rising in your own divine masculine energy to protect yourself. Now when I am in a situation like this feeling this invasive, dominating, gross, inappropriate male energy come at me, within seconds I pull back my energy, pull up taller, get curt, cold and polite. They usually respond by backing off. ps - the reason I say it’s not about being « nice » or « not nice » is that you can always still have an inner core of « niceness » regardless of the exterior energy. You can be neutral, reserved, and still have an energy of « BACK OFF ». I think women have been told the lie that we need to be nice to others at the expense of being nice to ourselves first. GO stampede.

"They try to bring you down to their level so that they don't feel more subservient" thank you for articulating this so perfectly. I just experienced this exact thing while shopping yesterday. The cashier was so nasty. I just walked away & wished her well. Insecure people don't know what to do with themselves when they can't get you to feel as bad as they do.

Thank you Kelly. I’ve reached a point where I don’t want to be an awkward goofball to be more “likeable” to other women who don’t even like themselves. If anything, me being emotionally available and vulnerable with these women gives them the green light to walk all over me. It’s also interesting because these same women are forcing relationships with men who take them for granted. Perhaps I remind them of themselves and they’re merely projecting their feelings of rejection onto me? I only want to deal with women who (are actively trying to) love themselves as well and I don’t mind being a loner until I find my tribe.

Hope this doesn't sound weird but sometimes it does feel like your post are aligned with my thoughts. Growing up in a black household being a people pleaser and nice was always something I hated. And now that I'm healing and recovering from my people pleasing tendencies it's hard to know when I need to be assertive. It's even worse since I work in retail and deal with those people that get upset when you don't get out of their way.

This was so me. I had this one guy who came to my flat to run a gas safety check and he refused to take off his shoes and used my bathroom. I am a MASSIVE neat freak, it's one of the reasons I live alone even though it's more expensive at 21. But all this to say that the next time he came for a safety check, I refused to open the door unless he agreed to leave his shoes outside and the whole time he was in my flat, we did not exchange a word. There is nothing wrong with having boundaries.

I think many of us as young ladies have to learn from an awkward experience or two about our own boundaries. Mine happened at 25 years old. I had just moved into my boyfriend's apartment in San Diego. I was there alone one afternoon and two dude bros knocked on the door. I answered because I thought it might be someone my boyfriend knew and they played on that. These dudes figuratively and literally pushed themselves in and before I knew it, we were sitting at the kitchen table and I'd spent 40 dollars on magazine subscriptions they were selling, even though I only had about 200 dollars to my name. Then one of them started to get very personal, asking me all about myself. The other guy looked sympathetic but wasn't going to intervene. I got caught in that weird uncomfortable oversharing spin cycle. I felt like they were being nice but could also asssult me at any second and I just didn't know how to respond to that confusion. Finally, they noticed one of my boyfriend's old cracked surfboards leaning on the wall that had a screwdriver shoved through it and graffiti all over it. I took that opportunity to make my sweetheart out to be an absolute homicidal maniac and they got the picture and left. This was in 2004. Update: I married the boyfriend and never let myself get into that kind of situation again. Also, I never even got my damn magazines.

I too am considered to be too nice for my own good. Some people think I could just be faking my own kindness from time to time just 'cause it gets too excessive. We appreciate your videos. May God bless you.

In my 20s I don't believe I was too nice, I just didn't know how to say, that's not for me immediately. I was afraid of not being liked because I've always been loved and popular. My 20s showed me I can be my too nice self, but I didn't have to give that energy to everyone. Especially those who did not deserve me

I saw a quote that said "friends that aren't happy for you, aren't likely to contribute to your success". And that's really been a hard to swallow pill.

As someone who was VERY close friends with an INCREDIBLY insecure girl in uni, I totally feel this. Horrible experience, and I couldn't put into words what was wrong (cuz she's a great person otherwise). None of my other friends understood n the insecure BFF in question mostly blamed me (i officially broke off the friendship after 2yrs). I simply couldn't tolerate the draining feeling of constantly being beside someone with such low self esteem..

This is also an example of a really good lesson for us ladies to be aware of when we’re feeling stressed, tired, busy, etc., because we can easily say things to potentially dangerous people that could put us in harmful situations down the line. Protect your energy, but also stay mentally ready, and fully aware of who you’re talking to and how much info you’re giving them. Always. 💜

"It's okay to know that people are not on your level." FACTS

I’ve been mistreated and had my boundaries crossed in every way imaginable because I was too nice. No more. It took something traumatic happening to be by going against my judgment and letting someone abuse me, until I finally woke up and realized I was better than this person and I did not deserve this at all. Kelly, you’re such an inspiration to me and you’ve given me hope that maybe I can achieve success in my life by knowing my worth, not settling, and protecting my energy the way that you do.

people know what they’re doing. you are too special for them kelly

It's not so much about being nice. It's about setting boundaries. No is a very present help in times of trouble. I used to do what you did and in the times we're in we have to be careful. A set up could have been afoot. Thank GOD they didn't come back and try to cause harm to you or rob you. 🙏🏽🕊

It's nice being nice until people start taking advantage of it...

I literally do not make small talk or smile for reasons like this. If i am not in the mood to talk or don't want people to feel too comfortable around me especially if the similar energy is not there. I keep it very short. They can tell instantly that I will not entertain them. It's come to this

I’m glad you did this video because I know what being too nice is like. It took me about 10 years living in NYC to get it but this crap really does happen. Just like you I’m a minority (but nothing about me is minor-thank you for that). The kill them with kindness doesn’t always work. I think that was my problem for so long. You’re right, they’ll chew you up and spit you out. You can be kind to those deserving but not everyone gets to be in the inner circle-esp those that treat you in a passive aggressive underhanded way trying to bring you down to their insecure level. Walls go up with me now ❤ gotta protect this kind loving heart of mine. PS I too learned a lot from my hot Italian husband-who grew up in NYC!!! He doesn’t take sh*t from anyone. He’s not rude-but his energy and stature just makes it known. I love that!

Hey nice video, I just turned 26 & I’ve always wondered why certain people challenged me in public for no reason as a stone cold introvert. My social ques are a bit rusty but this video has me thinking about venturing out of my comfort zone & learning to not let ppl faze me. You made me realize some ppl actually don’t deserve my kindness no matter how easy it comes from me & to watch for those ppl just using it up. I’m studying nursing & I know this field is gonna be filled with ppl testing & trying me

girl, you are not the only one. I stupidly am wayyyyy too honest with these things. It's a default mechanism... probably was hammered in my brain when I was young. who knows.. but know that you are not alone and this shit "of being too honest or nice" has gotten me in very uncomfortable situations too.. be warry of some men.. that's all im saying.

These were such good lessons to share! I am guilty of all of these. Saying sorry too much, apologizing for things that aren't my fault, and sharing too much information. This helped me realize, I have a lot to work on.

I had a Russian version of your gage who stressed to me the importance of being assertive and not being so nice. I think the main reason I find it difficult to follow his advice is because for the world a White girl saying "No" or speaking up for herself is confident but for Black girls we get labeled as having a bad attitude. I still struggle but I am trying and after watching this I think it will be easier.

Some People confuse kindness with weakness. Huge Mistake 😌❤

I treat people how they treats me. I used to not be that person, I was always nice to people irregardless, people always told you're you nice. Nope not anymore. I don't care if you're sad, mad or happy I will let you know....if you cross the line.

More of these videos please miss m'am. I feel that the sit down videos and unfiltered conversations always hit home.

I struggle with this too, but I'm working on being more assertive and standing up for myself in order to be taken more seriously.

I feel you. I instructed my daughter to tell all potential boyfriends that "my dad works for the FBI" when she moved alone to a different city.

Absolutely enjoyed this video. Slightly older than you but I’m also now getting to a point in life where I realize being too nice all the time isn’t worth it. People will definitely use and abuse you like you said. Boundaries matter!

"About their money, protecting their energy and only hangingout with people that can uplift them and do better" Thank you ❤️

My fellow humans but especially my fellow women....please don't allow the world's narratives and definitions shove you in a box. Being assertive has nothing to do with lack of KINDNESS! You can be both EXTREMELY KIND, patient, generous AND confident, focused, and not to be EFFED WITH. They're not mutually exclusive!!! After all, you hold the pen that draws the line🤷🏾‍♀️❤️🙏 God Bless!

I’m here for these gems as a woman and a woman of color asserting yourself is a necessity if you don’t people will try to diminish your value , repeatedly.I’ve worked as a server for years and it is one of the hardest job as a young adult but I’m glad I’ve learned so much from the people I’ve served which is to be humble and respectful but also never lose your dignity head up chest out eye contact always. these videos are helping me so much loving this community your creating.

I’m engaged and everyday I’m catcalled and men come up to me and say gross things and ask me out. If I’m in a public place at this point I’m rude, I will say mean shit. One guy came up to me asking me if I have a boyfriend, I say yes, he tells me he can take care of me better. I visibly look him up and down, and say “Not looking like that.” He gets upset and I just walk away. Sometimes they need to be checked

I’ve lived in Southern CT my whole life and the way you describe it is hilarious and kind of spot on. Also, Supermodel off duty is the style I’ve been trying to achieve for a while now. Absolutely classic! That red top that you introduced in a throwback haul, the blue jeans, & you had that fitted snappy leather jacket too, some of my favorite looks of yours. Elegant and unmatched. & Congrats on going back to school! Life’s all about balance. I’ve been a stampede student since 2020 and I’ve loved following you through moves and phases. I love seeing young black women paving the way and thriving. Good luck in school! And enjoy this grace period setting yourself back up in Sandy until then!

Needed to hear this so bad. I always feel bad when I choose myself or what others want because I'm a people pleaser but this year has definitely showed me that in the end it isn't worth it...

It's the way they try and bring you down to their level so they can feel comfortable. I recently allowed this in a relationship and now I'm out I feel so free but also like?????? This video allowed me to step back into my power - thanks Kelly xox

best advice u gave ! especially when raised by two toxic people pleasers , where the image of being a sainted victim is more important than self respect , u need pple around u who know how to set boundaries to learn from !

Oh Kelly, I was waiting for you to say it but you never did. You just kept on dancing around it. It's simply because you're Black! It really isn't any deeper than that. They just don't expect you to be at a certain level when you're black, and that's all there is to it!!

I think rather than saying one is "beneath" you, your other words of "being on a different path" is better. Firm but still not mean. Perhaps not the New York way, but it will get you what you want probably most everywhere else.

lol Kelly insecure people are dangerous he sounded like a good guy. I love a man who can stand up for you not all can. Left my ex because he was incapable of standing up for me. I love this dating story lol my standards have been through the roof recently. And you are right.

I knock people over too lmao it’s fun😂 I’m proud of you. We’re the same age and go through similar things at the same time and I’m learning these lessons more and more each day and I don’t even have money like that but people just be intimidated by my energy and how I carry myself. I look sweet and cute and I’m a small BW, so people think they can treat me how they want. They learn quickly that’s not the case.

I love listening to you share that type of insightful information, makes me feel like I'm not just a viewer but that I can also trust the things you say. You're very inspiring and I thank you for that, Kelly!

Bless you Kelly Stamps, you are a joy, this is exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you so much! I have such a hard time saying no, consider myself a people pleaser and I actually ended up getting burnt out at work from trying to help everyone. I finally got the courage to quit and actually start living for myself, my last day of work is on Monday, I'll keep working on living life on my own terms!

Preach sister!!! Everything in this video is beyond relatable. Felt like this and learned these same lessons in the past few years. Love these type of videos!!!

You are amazing and I fully understand and have been in this situation plenty of times and there comes a time where you cannot be ‘the nice girl’ anymore to spare someone else’s feelings over your own. 🎉

Watched part of video during lunch and the rest at home because I loooove Kelly Stamps shenanigans, rants, sponsorship ads, fashion, lonership and choice of dogs and verbal comebacks ❤️

LEGIT, this was probably my favorite storytime ever! Like seriously. So many good nuggets in this episode - it should be a ted talk!

BOUNDARIES 👏wish I knew how to set boundaries sooner. I used to always be so nice and don't get me wrong I still am, but I am not going to allow anyone to bring me down or step over me just so they can feed their ego & insecurities. That man, that waitress... I feel sorry for people like them, it must be hard living with yourself. I know that most of these people wouldn't behave like that towards a man. Another great topic discussed in your video Kelly ❤

I Used to be too nice. Now I’m much more all about boundaries. I’m not here to take care of the world. Especially with my hubby having heart issues now I’m pretty much anyone not family can kick rocks lol

Yes, beautiful classy lady; they want you to be humble, for their benefit. At work, I personally had to put a few people in their place for being loud and behaving as though we were on the same level when we clearly weren't. These people essentially want you to portray yourself as though your success and prosperity is nothing because they neither have it nor have any chance of ever obtaining it.

I feel you here - def have to find the balance and make sure to protect your peace of mind and always make a point of what you allow in your space and how someone may treat you...

i had an actual break down when i had to accept this ... that some people... you want to be kind to but they (some) just want to bring you down. and i can change that. this video is so concise and well put . thank you.

100 percent agree. If people are being rude it's time to give them the same energy back and call them out!

I can relate in the sense that I get tired of trying to please. Especially in dating or with family, like it's never enough.

So relatable. I have been saying I need to shake off this people-pleasing stuff. Thank you

I often hear you say you are embarrassed for something of the past now Kelly you don’t have to be embarrassed, from a very cool and sophisticated woman that I am 😝 I can garanty you’ve always been very far from ridiculous or too much or anything like that and you’ve always looked to me the most cool and smart girl of youtube. You can be proud of your past self 100% Luxury items period, converse period, minimalist period, or any period, you are GOOD and totally original. I am 35 and successful and you are an inspiration and source of motivation and new ideas you are always recreating yourself with grace.

Thank you for sharing this, now that I’m in my 20s these are great lessons to remember. Never let people get too comfortable with you

16:57 the guy you’re dating “reminded them he owns half the street” 🥴 Kelly, you may have interpreted this guy was “defending” you in that store to the server who was “beneath you” but in actual fact it sounded like an opportunity for a huge male ego to parade his wealth whilst yelling “all you f*ckin kidding me” to someone who works in a store. Don’t be blindsided by this behaviour 🚩

Gratitude is so so so important to feeling happy and fulfilled in life. You can be grateful for what you have AND strive to do better and create abundance for yourself

28:47. Oh boy, do I know 'those people'. Most of my career I've had these types as patients....always sizing me up. Some of them just can't take it. They try to engage you in forced conversation, during which they ask personal questions or throw shade outright. I keep it professional. VERY professional. I don't smile, and I don't respond to their rudeness. I just do what I have to do and exit the room.

Loved this. Loved your delivery of the message and it came at the right time. Love you girl!!

I’d love more minimalism or wardrobe tour videos if you’re feeling that kind of content. I loved those videos in 2020. Best of luck with university!

I really love this video because it's real and on a certain level, I'm dealing with the same thing in terms of attitude shifting and learning how to not be so nice and accommodating. Awesome!

It's the mic for me. You are such a light. Thank you for your honesty and for brining your joy to this corner of the internet.

Kelly- you're like the friend who always knows what to say exactly when you need it, without even telling them! I needed this message today. Thank you for empowering us to live our best, unbothered, elevated lives! 🙏💖

first of all, you look stunning in this video! happiness and wealth looks good on you, siss!

a 30 minute video?! let me grab my dinner and some tea because i am ready to be ENTERTAINED. love this long form content miss kelly stamps

same experience, I sometimes feel guilty when good things happen to me because I'm always thinking about other people who are having a hard time. Yes, you're right. We need to accept that life is unfair sometimes.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why

You’re diving deep into intersections of what it means being a successful Black woman. Not saying sorry and being firm, two things I am learning for myself now. Thanks for taking us on your relatable and hilarious journey as always.

I genuinely LOVE how self assured you are. You know who you are and you know what you want - no apologies, but never in an ass hole kind of way. Each video, you rub off on me a little more. Can’t wait till the day I wake up and genuinely give 0 fucks, full Professor Stamps style.

I needed this lesson! Thank you for sharing!! This might be one of my fav videos of yours.. the energy feels different. Welcome back to Cali!

Take note: Other people are mirrors. They will ALWAYS reflect back what YOU need to work on about yourself. If this video brings you discomfort, look deep within yourself to find out why

I loved the old look and I love the new look. You seem more relaxed. Nothing wrong with finding a happy medium.

I love how honest and unapologetic you are despite upsetting those who cant handle the truth bc a lie feels better! Been subscribed since you had around 30k back in California…you’re a real inspo Kelly! Keep going❤️ I’m ready to live my best life after watching this 🤪

I’m so proud of you and how far you’ve come. This was such an authentic/inspirational video (for those who get it). Love you and the work you do! ❤

Most people don't understand the significance of protecting your energy. Who you let occupy time in your mind has a profound impact on your life. Be selective.

Defending yourself against a man who was clearly trying to intimidate you is not being a Karen, he fully deserved that review hopefully he learns a lesson from this. I cannot stand intrusive people who dont understand personal boundaries.

As in recent news, due to the demise of Shanquella Robinson, if you have a lot to offer and you are a beautiful soul, be very mindful of the company you keep. Also, you don’t owe anyone an explanation if you don’t want to hang with them and if you can clearly tell they don’t have your best interest at heart. Solitude & Tranquility 🧘‍♀️✨

Thank you Kelly. I recently had a situation like this and as always your advice rings true.

The moment I realized being mean can protect you sometimes my life changed.

I’m SOO proud that you are going back to school and living your best life! You are so inspiring! I love your videos!

I don't know. If you are not insecure yourself how can you be offended by your girlfriend being mistaken as a waiter and instantly accuse of racism and jealousy. Sounds to me like he is insecure especially when you have to yell you own half the block. Those guys always scream "please validate me". Regardless I wish you happiness Kelly but if I would've sat at a table in that restaurant that would've been my pov. Confident people are untouchable because they know what others say doesn't matter especially when it isn't true.

I moved into an apartment my dad got in the country where he is from but I was living there alone most of the time. One of the cable guys checked the place out - very obviously - said he liked it for himself and literally wrote his phone number on the wall! My dad saw that and was appalled someone would do that. I was in my early twenties and had some seriously scary and close call experiences having to let guys in for repairs, etc. One guy even distracted me with questions while he went into a closet and stole my dad's camcorder (which I felt terrible about!). But I am so lucky nothing worse happened. I am ashamed to say I stayed in an extremely toxic relationship with an addict (who basically made the place his own) in part because I hated how vulnerable I felt trying to keep up the apartment as a single female. And that's not to mention the serious backstabbing I received when I tried renting out two rooms to peers I was studying with. The amount of resentment they had over the obvious privilege I enjoyed (but very much downplayed and felt a bit uncomfortable about) it was malicious. I am still learning these lessons, a decade later and now on the East Coast. Really have to protect our boundaries, especially as WOC, AT ALL COSTS. Not sorry. You are so right to stress the importance of not sharing that you live alone. One thing my toxic ex told me to say was that my boyfriend was 6'5, a boxer, and very jealous! Basically what you said. So happy for you and impressed with how you are learning these lessons so quickly - I know I fumbled and repeated those mistakes! Trust has to be earned

That's very nice that you really care about your subscribers. We all come from different generations, backgrounds and financial situations. But we all appreciate you and care about your career, too.

The white outfit at the beginning is SICKENING. Obsessed

RELATABLE! enough with the niceness for no reason, this last quarter for 2022 IVE BEEN ABOUT MYSELF and I’ve carrying on that energy into 2023z

You had the blessing of a mentor in an unexpected situation. (Portion redacted) I had a similar situation with a creepy computer trainee who accompanied my regular computer repair person. I blocked him from walking around my house. The repair person stopped mentoring the man ,when he noticed the behavior, before I mentioned it later.

I feel this message working in corperate america. There’s a difference in making allies and being a door mat for people. If you are nice people take it for weakness. People will use and will sleep peacefully at night. I would rather be mean and have them be up worrying about me.

Being a pretty, good natured woman comes with a whole set of struggles in life for sure. Blessings too, oh yess, but man… people been trying to dim my light. It started at home with my mothers, sadly.

You have me cracking up 😂 makes my day better!! You go Kelly Stamps 👑 queen