I wasn't a foster kid but my mom was murdered when I was 13 and I find your gentle talk very enduring and needed for my adult self who often has to revisit that 13 year old little girl. Thank you 😊
I’m so sorry for your loss and for what you have had to endure in life so far. It’s wrong and incredibly unfair. I pray that you are surrounded by a community of people who love you, stand by you and most importantly hold you up when you feel you might start to slide. Bless you ❤️
Oh my gosh. That is terrible. How are you feeling now? I was just going through the comments, and saw yours, read the first line and was immediately struck by how terrible that must have been for you. I hope you are feeling better now. ☺
I appreciate so much the education you’re doing, and even more what you’re NOT doing… you don’t show your foster kids, and don’t attempt to profit by sharing their trauma. Foster kids are already so vulnerable, it makes me so sad to see them taken advantage of :(
@@Nan-59 very occasionally they can be, if the bio parents give permission. That's usually more giving permission for like, Facebook photos. I can't picture any bio parents agreeing to them being on RU-vid. Some youtubers who foster do still kinda show the foster kids in their videos. They cover up the kids face with an emoji or blurred, or keep their face out of frame or only show the back of the kid. Which I feel is kinda icky too, even if their face is covered, they still absolutely could be identified from that. And if someone with bad intentions watches those videos, there's a lot of info they could figure out from piecing things together, like figuring out where they're being fostered. Plus having them in the RU-vid videos still feels pretty exploitative, even if they're semi covered up. So, this channel is still doing a lot more than some foster yourubers when it comes to maintaining 100% privacy for their kids. They don't even mention if they have any foster kids at the moment, let alone using their channel to complain about their foster kids, or have videos where they talk about some drama or something that happened that day with the kids, like if the kid was having some behaviour challenges that day and they 'vent' about it on camera. Which sadly, I've also seen from some foster parents on RU-vid. Personally, I find that worse than showing the kid on camera. It's so inappropriate to be essentially just gossiping to the Internet about the challenges the foster kid is having, especially when they often go into great detail about the kids history and traumas. I tried to report one channel I saw, because the kind of info they were sharing about their foster kid was info that absolutely should be kept private, the kid was not developmentally able to give consent to share that stuff even if they had asked permission from the kid. Also they described the way they'd dealt with the situation, laughing about how they has to shut the lid in their tiny closet for hours, because every time they let the kid out, they'd melt down again. It honestly was child abuse they were describing, but they seemed to have no clue that their actions were totally inappropriate and harmful to that poor foster kid... they even had described how the child was taken into care due to neglect and more (they went into great detail about this kids history and traumas, for no reason other than just to gossip about it basically) and how they parents would shut the kid in the closet to calm them down, which is why the foster parents then tried that 'technique ' too. I hope their case worker watches their RU-vid videos. It blew my mind that this person could talk about the ways in which the parents abused the kid, but had zero recognition of the fact that by saying they were using the bio parents 'techniques', they were abusing the foster kid in the same way that led to the kid being taken away from its parents !!! It was sickening. Anyway sorry for the ramble. My point was basically that this channel does deserve so much praise for how they do their informational videos, while keeping 100% privacy for any foster kids they may have, and how there's some channels that manage to exploit their foster kids on camera by doing the bare minimum of covering their face but nothing more
It terrible to separate siblings. These kids have gone through enough but to take away siblings just seems overboard. It adds more hurt. My kids fight and argue sometimes, but man are they close. I think they would be so sad and scared to be apart.
Im a foster child and was split up from all my siblings. I understand why though because there is 6 of us so it would be hard to find someone to foster all 6 of us
@@unknown-ie2il That's terrible. There are foster parents willing to foster six children but they are probably rare. Or, they already have some kids and states impose limits as to how many kids they can have at once. I'm sorry that happened to your family, it really sucks. I hope things get better.
@@unknown-ie2il I’m so sorry that happened to you. Similar situation here-6 kiddos, split up and into several different homes. I took 2 the first 9 months, then they were all reunited with relatives. 4 months later all were back in care, and I took 3-I took as many as I had seats in my car, and wished I could have taken them all. 1 month later they sent 5 kiddos back to the same relatives they were taken from, leaving only 1 kiddo with me, with less than 12 hours notice. At least we are able to do daily calls with the siblings. And when kiddos ask “why?”, all I can do is hold them while they cry…
When I was in middle school, sometime in 7th or 8th grade, I made a new friend at church and she shared that she was in foster care while her mom was in rehab. I don’t know how long it had been or how many families she had been with but she told me something that always stuck with me, “this family asked to adopt me and I don’t really like them but I don’t want the next home to be worse. I think I’m going to let them do it.” She needed this and I hope one day I can help kids in foster care like her. Thank you for teaching us how to be better people and for all that you give to the kids around you.
Oh that is so sad! I never thought about how a foster child might be making that decision, and so sad that she made that choice because she feared the next potential home would be worse.
As someone who works with kids and is on her way to become a child psychologist, all of this is incredibly helpful and inspirational. Thank you for all you do.
One of my favorite communication "hacks" you show is playing the problem and asking the child how they would approach the problem during play. This is a brilliant way to navigate safety behaviors/mental constructs preventing the child from communicating their needs. ❤
I'm so happy i stumbled upon your videos. I'm the total opposite of the target audience for your videos -- 28 years old, not planning on having kids, not very motherly, but I feel so much gentleness and care from your content. I feel we can apply a lot of these concepts to people of any age. And also it helps me learn more about how to care for and talk to children :)
My family have been very broken. My mom to proud to show these parts. All covered up. No one helped. And now i notice how deep the fear, the learned survival pattern are running my live. I wish i have had someone to care for my little self. Someone who gave the younger me a place to gain trust in humans in earlier years. Sentences like it's safe to cry here are so needed. And apreachiated 🙏♥️ Now I'm adult. My survival pattern managed it to get me that far. Now i am taking care of the frightened parts of myself. That's why i find your videos inspiring. They show possibilities how to offer care for my younger parts. How to create and hold a safe place for a child. All the adult safety things like locking the door before sleeping don't calm or help those younger parts. Thank you for foster parenting and thank you for sharing your wisdom. That's so kind.
Every video I watch from you I see a foster parent that really tries to parent the child in need. As an adult trying to learn to feel my feelings while battling Cptsd I see all the pain you are saving this children from and I just can't keep it to myself. Good job.
My mom used to say whenever my cousin visited us when she was little, she would always hide under the piano bench with her knees tucked under her. They couldn’t get her out and it was so sad. It’s sad to see kids in a closet. I understand because there are times I’d love to just be by myself there, too. It’s just sad for me to see *them* hiding away. It’s like - what has fear/ anxiety/ trauma/ sadness done to you at 3 years old? At 5. You’re FOUR! I want them to be so joyful, alive, enthusiastic, carefree, so FULL of hope and life🤸🏿♂️.. it’s hard to see otherwise in people, particularly in children. I pray for healing.
Might be weird, but your videos help me a lot with providing a new perspective for people going through these things and what it's like for kiddos and what can help or hurt. I'm writing a story where the main character grew up apart from his family, and I'm hoping that i can take what you teach and apply it in a way that's realistic in my story :)
I don’t know why I started getting your videos but I love them. You have such a soft, caring voice. I may never be a Foster Parent but your advice just may come in handy one day.
When I was in foster care, there was zero sympathy or understanding. Your content is truly respectable, educating foster parents or even adoptive parents on ways they can support their child.
Thank you so much for those videos, I really appreciate them very much. I know I’m no longer a child, but… (young adult with ADHD) these videos makes me feel loved for some reason, I felt that my 9 year old self. Would have just loved to have such treatments, thank you. Edit: funny cause the moment I open my phone, I was crying about stuff in the past, and this video just popped up, and I love dinosaures too… so quite nice.
I have been seriously things about becoming a foster parent. My 5 children are all grown adults. I raised the as a single parent. So magically your videos appear in my RU-vid. God works in mysterious ways, indeed.
I'm not a foster mom, but I've taken carr of a lot of kidsover the years. In these situations I really like validating kids' feelings and telling them what i can do to help and then introducing a similar situation into playtime (with dolls or pretend) and asking them what to do to help the doll. I feel like it really helps them trust me and believe that i want to help ❤
I don’t foster though that may become a possibility later in life. I really appreciate getting this useful perspective into what the experience may be and what kinds of strategies can be useful in dealing with potentially new or difficult situations. While not a parent, I love working with kids and being there for my nieces and nephews as they grow. Some of the suggestions you make are useful in other contexts like these. Thanks for sharing your empathy and insight.
We’re not eligible to foster at this time in our lives (not for nefarious reasons!) so this breaks my heart. I’m grateful for all of the great foster parents who help these kids grow up with all this trauma. Hopefully, we can do it too one day in the future.
I'm 25 years old and I live with depression, anxiety and general issues with emotional regulation. Your videos really help me soothe and calm down, gather my thoughts, and remind me to be more compassionate, both with myself and people around me. Thank you so much for your beautiful content ❤️
I wish one of my foster families, I had been placed in 10 during my time in the foster care system 2000-2007, did one of those things with me. I know now that because of the lack of support and abuse I received during my time in the dcf that it's causing a profound effect on my parenting and as me as a person. Being told I'll be nothing amount to nothing and the abuse has caused me to be more cautious of everything and of everyone. I wish that more foster parents would take the time for the kids and not the check
The way you approach things… wow, you truly do have such a plethora of knowledge. Thank you so much for sharing this information so freely with the world, it IS ABSOLUTELY going to help some child somewhere, and that is such a beautiful thing. Thank you thank you thank you. We need more people like you, we really, REALLY do… ❤ 😢
I have to say you are an amazing woman I have just started fostering my grandchildren and you have given me some great advice over the last few months on e the boys are old enough to understand my husband and I are going to adopt them unfortunately my daughter has some mental health issues that are going to be life long and her partner is a wast of space guess all I wanted to say is ty cos you're a breath of fresh air for my life xxxx
It’s encouraging that I learned how to do some of these things already. I have to practice very hard with one of the children I work with. She pushes my buttons; but I know it’s because there’s things she can’t explain going on. ❤ Thank you for the education and reassurance.
As someone who is planning to adopt in a few years these videos are actually really helping me know how to react and what to do when I can eventually adopt Love your vids btw❤
i wanna be a foster mom when i get a bit older, i also wanna work as a nurse in pediatrics so with all the classes im taking and your vids i think ill be preped! ^^
when i was little, and even know, i would have to have a weighted blanket because i wouldn’t feel safe and i wouldn’t be able to sleep comfortably without it. probably because i felt safe when i was being held by my parents. there are many different resources to help with anxiety and to comfort a foster child, but in my experience knowing many people with anxiety, they all like specific things and are not all the same, so it is recommended that the foster parent finds a toy or something that makes the child feel comfortable. sometimes it is hard to find out what the child prefers so opening up to many options, or trying different options is very helpful for the child and the foster parent.
Thank you Laura. Every time I watch your videos I see the wonderful thing my parents didn't or couldn't or wouldn't able to give me--love. They threw me out at 12. You make me cry. ❤
There is something so....elementary.......in using roleplay or toys to troubleshoot where a child's head is at, how they respond to questions around helping, if they have actual solutions they can now unabstract while playing pretend but given open, unpressured prompts. Even if they don't reveal much, even if they don't have much to say about caring for another, it's such a great example to model being a compassionate caregiver (baby/teddy/doggy is upset, how do we help them?) And then another opportunity to thank them for helping. Even if they didn't do anything. You say can wow, I think you make baby feel safe and sleepy because you're so good at being quiet. Maybe baby had a headache? Or maybe provide emotional relief and validation around any previous relationships with seeing distress. 'I bet you've seen your little brother/sister cry before, it can be really loud and feel really sad.' Or: 'sometimes it's hard to know what to do to help, isn't it?' Or: 'I bet next time we can think of ways to help baby feel better.' It really is BOUNDLESS opportunities to model caregiving, see how they respond to other distressed children/animal scenarios, validate and thank them for however they are able to participate. I'm just filled with big feelings knowing it's being used with kindness and compassion with troubled children in need of listening, reassuring and opportunity to be safe and even flourish and express themselves
How I wish my daughter had spent the first three years of her life with a foster mother Iike you are instead of the placement she had prior to me adopting her.
This is so sweet! Your videos are so helpful as I've always thought about fostering/adopting in the future. I struggle with comforting other people due to my own issues i have and dont often know how to help which effects me as well. I have basic ideas and phrases but thats about it so this was really helpful. I especially love the part where it's just to take a day for mental health as i wish i was allowed that so i would definitely give any kid that i have through one way or another that chance
From a Spanish student (myself): subjunctive form is to express emotions. When they were talking about the verb llegar (arrive), you would use lleguen (subjunctive form) if you are expressing your feelings about the arrival, like “ a mi me gusta que ellos lleguen temprano”. This means, “I’d like them to arrive early/I’d like it if they arrived early”. If you’re just saying “they arrive at my house”, that’d be present tense - “ellos llegan a mi casa”
This is so nice to see! Thank you for the very helpful video! Also I have that exact squishmallow! Have a blessed week everyone! God loves us all so much:)
If you hear a foster child (especially older ones) cry in another room or wait to be alone to cry, is it better to give them space and talk about it afterwards or to come to them to comfort them/ask what’s wrong?
Providing mental health days from school is a good idea and imo is something most all kids should get however there should be a reasonable limit and the parent should make sure the timing of the break is reasonable and not used to extend a long weekend for example.
Love your videos while I'm not yet someday I would love to be a foster mother as I can't have kids of my own. Do ya have any videos about the process of becoming a foster parent?
This lady should be a household name not the Kardadhians I hope I spelt their name incorrectly, I shouldn't know it at all. We need to stop making stupid people famous.
@@user-nk1rk2uo8p me, or maybe their tv shows, or their ads or their merchandise or their being referenced on radio and television constantly-even on the news. 🧐
I'm curious about affection with foster kids. Most of your instruction leans toward being careful about respecting the child's space. Can you offer some guidance about when to touch, hug, hold, hand on shoulder, cradle, rock.... As an adult who received little affection growing up that I craved, it seems like a very fragile balance between not touching unless asked vs just grab and hold them when they are distressed :)
As with any child touch should be child lead. Honestly idc if the child is biological or foster, there is almost no reason you should be putting your hands on a child unless they say it's ok. Diaper changes and changing clothes are about the only exceptions besides true emergencies that you can't wait for a child to consent or initiate contact first. Idk why it's so hard for people to understand that children deserve boundaries and respect. Consent is key.
I would like a fluffy cat and maybe a old dog but I'm scared of babies and hyper animals Edit: also I'm autistic so I have a hard time feeling stuff for people but I feel things for toys and rocks more And if someone asked me about the doll I'd probably start crying because I feel bad that I'm scared of if But I'm still scared of it And I'm more scared of it because I'm scared to hurt it's feelings
You don't understand the need for children to have a safe place to live when they're being abused? It's ok to not want to foster, but foster parents are very much needed. "wanting kids temporarily" isn't what fostering is about. Fostering is about being that safe adult for children who may not have had that before.
