We need to talk about romantic love and why it's so horrible 

English literature: “I will die for honour.” French literature: “I will die for love.” American literature: “I will die for freedom.” Russian literature: “I will die.”

My early lesson on Eastern European love: Me: "Hey great-grandma, how are you still alive at 99?" Her (Bulgarian): "My husband left me when I was 22 and never came back, merci."

The real issue is that _occasionally_ two people that really do fit together perfectly DO find each other and really do last the rest of their lives together and stay in love and make it work. And the rest of us just have to stand by and feel jealous even if we also feel happy for them. We know that it'll likely never be that good for us. I'm speaking of my dad and my step mom. 35 years, still in love. They're like PB&J.

Honestly? I always thought love was having a best friend who you also find attractive. I say to people my parents age and above that I think a relationship needs to also be a friendship to work and they act like I'm stupid for "armchair love theories" (never had a bf and they looove to joke about that). But I'm rather stand by my theories than have the type of messed up relationship I see around me. If THAT is love I'm better off single

Everyone idealizes love, and yet is unwilling to put in the work and effort to manifest those ideals. Basically everyone wants the fun parts of romantic love, without the responsibilities and hard efforts that it takes to keep it going. Our society wants instant gratification, so they treat relationships like disposable dating app profiles that they can just swipe away when they get bored or when things get a little tough. Until people realize that THEY are getting in the way of their own happiness, I guess they'll just keep blaming everyone else and endlessly swiping.

"In ancient India falling in love before marriage was seen as a disruptive, almost antisocial act" In modern India falling in love before marriage is still seen as a disruptive, almost antisocial act :)

Romantic love isn't awful, the majority of people's perception of it is.

I feel like the problem is just the unrealistic expectations? Like if you defined friendship as a lifelong bond where you never ever disagreed with one another and did everything together in a group, real friendships would probably suck.

This video is absolutely amazing! I’ve been trying so hard to un-do my weird obsession with romantic love. It’s like I find myself desiring it for no reason. Just cause. I’ve been praying for deep platonic connections. People truly overlook platonic love and valuing friendships. 9/10 when romance fails, your family (if functional) and friends will still be there. Friendships and family usually outlive 95% of any romantic relationships

As a lovesick young man, who has become an insufferable person to be around, I really needed to hear this. I saw a lot of myself in Young Werther, or whoever that Goethe story was about. I don’t think this video was cynical or depressing. I actually found it cathartic and helpful to understand that there’s more to life and self worth than a romantic relationship.

In fairness, courtly love was invented by Eleanor d’Aquitaine because all the knights were assholes and she wanted them to not act like brutes towards her friends, so she popularized rules they had to follow in order to be considered “good” knights/men - pretty brilliant strategy if you ask me ETA I did my honors thesis on Plato’s theory of the cave in the works of Francis Bacon and I am DED from SIMPosium

Me having hundreds of hundreds of 2d crushes: *ah yes i am a deeply spiritual person*

I think the problem is wantjng/needing to be over-romanticized to maintain a relationship. Its exhausting

My fav part "people are too focused on someone to love instead of focusing on how to love."

I must be the luckiest guy in the world. My beautiful wife and I have been together 33 years - crazy in love - neither of us like being apart from the other. We are business partners (martial arts business) and each have separate roles ... but we both love what we do - so we share a passion. Unashamedly, we praise each other at every opportunity - and never fight/argue. I have never seen a more alluring creature in my life - according to her, the same (I dont know why). I can o nly wish what we have on other people. I only post this (as we are fairly private people) to let people know - the 'fairytale' IS possible. Many people 'settle' for the life they lead - neither my wife or I ever considered doing that. I am not qualified to give relationship advise (not many are) but I re-iterate - the fairytale is possible! Don't look for the perfect partner - instead, BECOME the kind of person that would attract the perfect partner - if that makes sense. Best wishes all ... design and create your best self.

I first saw this video while being in a "stable" relationship. Watching it now makes me look back on many expectations and prejudices that we both had and that blinded us from enjoying the mere company of the other. He didn't focus on the little things at all and I focused on them way too much. We're much better now without romance involved, but the connection we had as people, not lovers, is what I will always treasure.

"The moment we were like 'hey, maybe God isn't real,' was the moment we were like 'omg the girl next door is a heavenly angel.'" 💯 😂😂😂 This is so well said! I'm kinda sick of people thinking a romantic partner is "their purpose" in life

True love is like your favorite sweater. Stained, falling apart, smells weird, but comfortable and you'll never get rid of it. Romantic love is that new outfit you bought because you looked great in it, but in a year it will probably be in the back of your closet gathering dust.

my family is slovak and hungarian and my aunts, female cousins, and grandmother always said “boys are like bus stops, there’s one on every corner”. i feel as though in eastern european culture, women are supposed to be seen as incredibly independent and capable but it’s always created a weird feeling when you actually feel love. i’ve been taught by my matriarchal family that being in love is for the weak and not for independent women but sometimes i feel like this notion makes me personally incredibly lonely. just because i’m independent doesn’t mean i don’t want someone who enjoys my company and my laugh

"The Greeks thought lovesickness was a type of insanity" I think a lot about the fact that the Greek Goddess of Love and the Greek Goddess of Marriage are two separate Goddesses.

As an aromantic person, I began this video hoping to understand what romantic attraction is. I end more confused than when I started, but now with a new RU-vidr to watch.

“i can’t even tell if i’m falling in love or having another hypomanic episode” you’re so real for that

Limerence is one of the worst feelings one can experience. I avoid it at all costs. Makes my skin crawl 😨

I saw a statement the other day that summed up what my experience of real, grounded romantic love is like: “It’s like a good cup of coffee. Sure, it’s the same thing every morning. It’s not very exciting, But I still relish it.”

True love requires being able to accept an imperfect person who is accepting you as well, then growing and improving with/for each other. You won't find that love if you're petty or arrogant or noncommittal, which almost all of us have become. Letting ourselves believe we don't need something solid and sacred with another person will only ruin our lives. It's sad that one day we could have no one who loves us for who we were, are, and will be.

This was weirdly therapeutic. Thanks for a great analysis!

It took me a long time to realize the only thing I actually want out of a relationship is the obsessed limerence phase at the beginning. I don't want kids or "to build a life" with someone, and I enjoy being alone most of the time and not having to worry about anyone else. Once I realized I was basically just chasing a feeling I briefly had for a few months when I was 17 and stopped dating and focused on my own interests and my two close friends I became much happier. I still yearn for that limerence from time to time, but that's how it goes right? An alcoholic never stops craving alcohol they've just found the willpower not to drink and the skills to avoid temptation as much as possible.

Idk, it sounds to me like a long-standing romantic relationship that isn't toxic would classify as a "pure relationship." The concepts aren't mutually exclusive. But I don't personally consider most your examples of romantic love to be love at all, rather, they're infatuations. An idealised obsession with someone isn't what I would call love. Still an interesting history lesson though, and I love your dry humour

I feel kind of weird when I see all this talk of romance being chaos and pain because my experience is the opposite: meeting someone online (before Tinder. I didn't have a profile pic and he still started a convo), we got along super well (both nerds), and we've been together 12 years now. There has been a couple of times of turbulence, but those made our bond stronger. We both strive to make things fair between us, always saying thank you if someone does something in the household. It did take a while to learn how he communicates differently to me, but I think I was just lucky to find someone I am compatible with. And we aren't having kids so that will definitely help keep the relationship strong! All this Tinder stuff seems kind of soulless, advertising yourself and trying to "compete" which implies some people have more value than others. So to sum it up, from my perspective it feels like "fairytale come true" kind of thing, but I was lucky. Edit: to clarify, having kids was best for us as neither of us want kids, but I'm sure some relationships can be strengthened by having kids.

Wow, the "thinking of a relationship like it's an art project you work on" is actually such a beautiful idea that never crossed my mind before.

Commenting for the algorithm because your videos are always so researched and esthetically pleasing

I found your channel via One Take, and wow...I'm at a loss for words right now. I am almost 60 years old, "educated"...have led a full life including a variety of diverse conversations and experiences. But right now, I am feeling for the first time in my life I have found like-minded people. Thank you! I'm so grateful that people today who march to the beat of different drums have a vast variety of drummers to listen to and follow. Wish I had found my comrades earlier in life....I know they were out there, always. Better late than never! Much non-romantic love to you and your subscribers!!

Yeah, the ideas an tropes in romance stories can be quite harmful to actully trying to make a relationship work. The notion that a partner should understand you without words is the worst offender there, communication is key. Not telling someone your needs and getting angry and passive aggressive at them for not respecting them is the worst poison ever. It should be pretty friggin obvious but it was still very hard to overcome that pattern.

Living in such a romance focused society is so weird as an aroace person... like, I genuinely thought I had feelings for my best friends... because I cared about them a lot and thought about them all the time. Nope, that was the BPD and also just platonic love. I would think about living with a best friend, and then think I was in love with them.

Love often fails and hurts until the day it doesn’t.

True love only happens when a weird stranger you never seen randomly compliments your beard.

I have so many issues with framings in this video, I don't even know where to start. Just because some idealistic notions of romantic love from 18th century poetry involve proclamations of your partner as an ideal creature and not an actual person with actual flaws, doesn't mean romantic love, as such and by definition, means that; the fact that lots of people today miss their own needs and self-fulfilment in chasing a notion of someone saving them, doesn't necessarily, and by definition, mean that all who believe in romantic love see their life that way. The special connection between you and someone who shares your worldview, principles, interests and emotional interpretation of the world, the one you share life's moments with based on that common basis, is the most real thing I've seen in life. And it can be practised in a healthy manner that doesn't sacrifice your time for other needs and other people in your life. And yes, that connection and chemistry, those moments of you looking at one another with a spark in your eyes, just like you did on your first date, can last throughout your entire relationship as long as you both keep putting the effort in. And here is someone who scientifically studies this subject and says the same: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-YfOd_1apOfU.html And then also what is the opposing scenario of that? The postmodern world's focus on individual self-promotion, the cynicism about romantic experiences, self-sacrifice and building of something special together, the rejection of the idea of taking some energy you have and placing it into giving something to someone - all this is a model of the kind of society I would never want to be a part of. It is also a mirror image of the transformation of politics and social life from the dreams of mutual solidarity and self-emancipation of the working class in the late 19th and early 20th centuries to today's postmodern, neoliberal hellscape of promoting your individual self as a brand in the marketplace of competition, and building your life on the ruins of others' - the ideology that is being promoted by the capitalist indoctrination. Why would I want to have anything to do with anyone in that sort of universe, or what would be enjoyable in that kind of anti-human life experience, I have no idea.

You are WORKING those costumes girl, I really hope the channel takes off

Love can be painful but also can cure pain,it's contradictory and chaotic,and that's why it's beautiful. Order is for people who are afraid of doing something because that might hurt,I rather accept the pain and chaos that come with risk than to never be able to love.

Romantic love isn't horrible. This is a ridiculous premise. Sure many romantic relationships are toxic but that doesn't mean romantic love as a whole is bad. Sure people sometimes overlook platonic love and only focus on romantic love, but it's possible to have a deep romantic love while also having many friends. I'm in a long term romantic relationship (6 years) with someone who was my friend 5 years beforehand, and it makes our lives better and inspires us to be better people. I am more true to myself than ever, because of this love. Because he's the place I feel safe and encouraged to be my truest self. And that gives me courage to express myself more fully to the world.

What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me No more.

I couldn't care less about romantic love. Happiness is what I long for.

I loved your writing about euphoria on the take’s channel and I’m so glad I was able to see your own content. It’s really great stuff!!! Keep it up!!

She is single-handedly dismantling my mental complex around love 😍 I’m entering my solitude and celibacy era now ☺️

I hate when guys describe girls as “angels” or weird shit like that. Like, we’re just girls, with all our strengths and flaws. We need to stop looking for perfection - it just creates unattainable expectations that no real girl can possibly meet.

It's actually so sad to watch for me 'cause i'm a big fan of romance It's so, so sad to realize that even a healthy romance relationship ain't gonna give you thing you expect romance to give

That's crazy you mention the story and the hero related to romantic love!! Before that I was reminded of a lesson my Cervantes teacher taught us when I studied literature in Madrid,. He said that literature is necessary for us. We need fiction to understand reality. Which is kind of a similar idea.

As an aromantic, it's so interesting and nice to hear about romance from this point of view, a scientific one if you will. It also makes much more sense to me now, before that I couldn't find any explanation of what love feels like that I could understand. I get what it means to be drawn to someone's personality and looks and enjoing each other's company, but the whole idealization and obsession thing is so... hard to comprehend for someone like me. Personally I'm thinking about getting a partner one day to marry, but only for legal reasons and to have someone around. That's why old type of marriages don't seem as cold and sad to me. I mean, forced marriage is bad obviously, but what's wrong with marrying or partnering with a nice person for mutual benefits? I'm sorry if it doesn't make a lot of sense, it's hard to put my thoughts into words in english. I don't want to sound rude to everyone who does experience romantic attraction. I find romance cute and I love romantic stories about my favorite characters, it was just hard for me to see it like more than a fictional trope. Так что, да, огромное спасибо!)

Was looking for a video for a persuasive presentation on why Online Dating is just bad, ended up getting a reality check on my previous outlook on "love". I've been idealizing romantic love for a good while, so I am very grateful that I got a reality check on a Thursday afternoon. Thank you once again.

Love isn't awful, it is polarizing. It can make you feel on top of the world and it can also make you feel like you want to unalive yourself.

I'm here after the recent Oedipal video from The Take. Happy to be here haha. This idea of romantic love is actually ruining a few people I know and causing them to almost justify acting like a douche to potential romantic pursuits just because they don't instantly fit their narrow idea of the 'The One'. Also, takes away any notion on them and their self-improvement if that makes sense. Kinda why in any rom com the protagonist is also a douche but we're supposed to overlook that and route for them. But hey you gotta let people experience these train wrecks for themselves eh

Tbh, at first i thought this video would make me feel invalid in my own romantic relationship But i realized that i no longer put romantic love into this spiritualy ecstatic ideal. Everything between us is actively intentional so i actually feel better lol

Pain or not, there's beauty behind romantic love. When I look behind, i do that with joy. Because, those intense feelings were still a beautiful experience. As a psychology major, i do understand how love works, so at the end of the day I know that love can last only when you have built a strong and healthy relationship (just like with a best friend). But, this doesn't mean that we need to resent the strong feelings of passionate love.

*laughs in aromantic* But also seriously, the focus on interpersonal love has always caused tension in my life from so many people expecting it from me. And the shift of marriage (which I could get behind for myself as a platonic endeavor for fun and to get legal benefits) into purely romance makes it feel icky. Like, I love people platonically, I’m down to live with them, hang out with them, cuddle them, encourage them, care for them while they’re sick, etc. but it isn’t “good enough” to be a “real” marriage to a lot of people. So-called “real” love seems so horrible too? Like, maybe I’m biased, but the descriptions of “being in love” remind me of anxiety? But people like it? And I can’t possible imagine being monogamous if you were alloromantic either, it always seemed weird to me that people in stories could never understand why people would be “torn” between two options when you could do both and no one is sad? I’m definitely biased but it always made very little sense to me.

"I can't even tell if I'm falling in love or having another hypomanic episode" describes my personal experience to a hauntingly accurate extent

“Love … is like a Jedi force that exists within everybody and needs to be put to use.” - you’re so bright and insightful! Thank you for making these videos!

My aroace butt has never clicked on a video so fast... but also, you make really great videos! I love how well researched and put together they are

This is the best video essay I've seen in a long time. So happy to have found your channel

One issue I've seen people say is that modern society treats falling in love as something that just happens and happens once, when it's just like a friendship or family. You choose to love someone, every day, and they might change or frustrate or enchant you differently every time you're with each other, but if the two of you care about each other, you just have to put the work in

I think love itself, is a real thing. When you love someone, you are willing to sacrifice for them. If you don’t love that person, you won’t. “Romantic” love…it’s a fever dream, for those who have too much of a sense of whimsy in their personal lives. I don’t believe that marriage should be based on romance, but rather sacrifice.

You’re back, Cue! Glad to see you back, and I’ll always look forward to your videos! You’ve just made an anti-love video about modern love and where we need to take it, and I thank you for that. I am still reeling from my strong belief of romantic love (it is taking years) and it helps to find a video that can help me articulate it. I felt there was something wrong with unrequited, soulmate-like romantic love the more I examined it, and over the years it became ok for me to say, “this doesn’t have to be the way it is.” It really doesn’t. As a society we are always constantly learning and adjusting to better our circumstances, and in that journey we must also examine the way we perceive love. You have given us a starter version on how to better define it, and for that I thank you dearly. Thank you for always gracing us with some difficult topics and making it not-so-difficult. It’s why I always look forward to your posts! Keep it up, keep it up

I'm so glad I'm happily married (since 2011!) - we're probably happier and more in love now then we've ever been! and look we've also been some pretty bad times, once or twice came real close to walking out the door. but I want to live the rest of my life with this man, and he with me. we choose to keep moving forward together. love is a choice you make every day, over and over again ❤

If love is so awful, how comes it feels so good to love your channel? Great video!!! Funny how much we learn in school about the world, except about emotional intelligence... Thanx!!!

Love or rather romantic relationships, are can be whatever you make it. It's HARD. It takes work from both sides for it to be successful - it takes communication, trust, mutual respect, patience, breaking of some preconceived notions/expectations (if you haven't been in one before), realisations about yourself and behaviours you didn't do/know before and not to mention the fear of being with the wrong person or fear of them hurting you or fear of them abandoning you. So it comes down to this: what do you prioritise? Yes, of course you can live without being romantically involved with anyone and if you're happy, go for it. And then on the other side of the coin, how about if you were to go through all this, to go through life with someone who can lift you up, being able to express things to someone in a way you couldn't with no one before or to simply go about your days saying "yeah damn, I want this person around." What do you want out of a partner?

As a Romanian American I laughed so hard when you said "You can tell that I'm Eastern European!" lol

I was so happy to see a notification for a new upload! This was fantastically researched and presented as always, the costumes and humor were on-point, and it was well worth the wait. This is a subject I think about often. The ideal of romantic love, while it has good intentions such as sparking hope and consistency in an otherwise chaotic world, results in mostly misery for people. Like many old concepts, despite our modern minds knowing it's objectively not realistic, the majority of us still chase it or find solace in that unrealized concept. No matter how much pain we might find in that search. So many people spend their lives hoping for one ideal partner to fulfill every need they have, to validate their existence, etc. A symbiotic relationship without struggle or need for outside influence. Often neglecting chances to share pure, simple, real love with so many people in their life that actually deserve it. Be those family, friends, physical lovers, etc. Chasing an ideal which seems so much easier in theory, but for the most part can't possibly exist. There's also the issue, I suppose, of people not feeling okay in safety and routine. They hunger for something they can long for, even to the detriment of what they have already. I won't drone on longer, but in any case I agree with so much of the conclusions you found here. It also sparked me to think in some new ways about something I've already thought about so much. Thank you. Going to share this video in any way I can. Be strong, and another comment I read below here was right. In feeling depressed, we often find our most introspective, powerful, meaningful thoughts. Even washed in among so many negative or worrying ones. And through the tough times comes something better than we could have possibly discovered in simply remaining in uninterrupted joy.

I've never seen anything better than this! Your video is a masterpiece in every way, ranging from light and outfit to amazing work on the research. You seem to be some above-human creature, who saw how empires were born and fell apart, who wasn't brainwashed by our culture and social concepts. I would never question such a fundamental for modern society things like the concept of romantic love... But I definitely needed this. Thank you!

as an aro/ace, this makes me smile uncontrollably. thank you Anya.

I wish there was more media that was about adult friendships... No sex, no romance... I've honestly given up. Now I watch gameplays, anime here an there but that's it. I'm married, but I'm sick and tired of romance, people ending up with someone, sex all being a major central point. Like wtf... I understand there's people who are romantics, and this is basically the media made for them.. But what about asexual's, or someone like me who is just tired of it. I've seen it so much on TikTok, where people automatically pair up two characters together, where they "HAVE" to become together... Like wtf... No everyone thinks or believes that way. Ome thing I valued growing up was friendship, sometimes much more than romantic love. Thank you for addressing this, because I thought it was just me thinking this.

Love is honestly like a mental illness; it makes you go insane and you disregard everything you know, yet it is normalized. In fact, it's common for others to cast away those who do not suffer from it. It's batshit insane in all honesty, but it's immensely addictive. That is probably why most come back for more.

I don't know what's better, finally getting another insightful video from you, or you getting the chance to wear the chain mail thingy again. Also I've read that the depressed brain thinks the most realistic about things. It's the yin to the relentless optimism's yang (The Take did a great video on relentless optimism). This video is good food for thought when thinking about the various friendships and relationships I've had throughout the years. Great work.

I think everyone of us can relate to the things you said, glad to have you back!

Romance is a beautiful thing. I think its less obtainable today but the solution isn't to throw the whole concept out. Its a vital part of existence

The description of the "pure relationship" sounds like the kinds of relationships a lot of Queer folks I know have: one that requires introspection and consensual invention of the relationship apart from societal/romanticized ideals. Pretty interesting!

2:25 People might have been "pointing it out" for some time but it's complete horse shit. There's a tribe in South America that completely suppresses children form playing. But that's not evidence that children don't have a natural "play" instinct. If anything it's proof that we do. As this culture puts a considerable amount of effort into suppressing there natural impulses, and they still have children playing. In the past there was a lot of cultural pressure to avoid romantic love. I'm looking at you Shakespeare. But if anything that disproves this idea that in the past people weren't motivated by love. You wouldn't need to consistently grandstand about how your truest love is for Jesus if that was actually true. You wouldn't have one mistress over the thousands available if sex was just an action. And Homer wouldn't have wrote about Troy if love wasn't invented for 1000 years. This idea that romantic love is a recent western invention is itself a recent western invention.

Welcome back. Where does love for this channel fit into the discussion? You deserve more views.

Being in love isn't terrible. It's the search that's terrible.

This is really facinating, never thought about it like that. But the way you talk about love, is idealising someone you don't know yet. What about the people who have known eachother for years, and talked about everything when it comes to themselves, and still want to and really prefer spending time with eachother over others? Not because of security, not because of them having the best traits imaginable, just because they are alot like eachother and share many passions together they can explore those with eachother? Watched further into the video: Oh, what I had in mind about what you were talking about was the pure relationship to begin with. Never mind!

This is an awesome video. I love the content that you create please keep making content like this you mentioned about being depressed. There’s something beautiful about what we call depression” she usually comes after finding out truth. Depression is a dark road to an open path.

the irony of me getting a tinder ad before watching this. but seriously this video is blowing my mind, THE catalyst for a paradigm shift-wow.

RU-vidrs like Anya and Dr.K should be given the title Lighthouse, they make it so easy to understand this very lonely and confusing membership of society. Describing truth followed by a positive image of humanity is such a responsible way of making philosophy videos in the age of great confusion.

As an aromantic person it is incredible to see how much pain alloromantic people endure due to romantic relationships, and then they do it again, endure the pain again, etc. Repeat many many times. Classic "наступать на грабли" situation

I’m aromantic, never been in love with anyone and I don’t think I can grasp the concept of romantic love at all. This will be an interesting watch.

Hearing the surplus of references, leaders in the field and specifically the term pure relationship really hits me in this moment. Thank you so much for the sophisticated and personalized brain breakfast. Coupled with the ending of optimism for those feeling hopeless or alone. Or hopelessly alone. Truly inspiring!

I could be wrong but from the vibes i feel i might be more accepted for my nihilistic attitude in Eastern Europe. Always felt like an alien here. Good video.

Plleeease keep it going 😍 this one here and contrapoints are the two channels whose new videos I look foreward to the most ♥️

Personally, it sounds like you're super jaded and have had a few bad breakups. This idea of romantic love you have is indeed, horrible, but I think this is just taking ideals, and unrealistically expecting them to be achievable, which is something I've noticed as a problem in a lot of other areas of society. I don't know about how you defined romantic love here, I just know that my parents truly love each other and I want to have a love like theirs. They've been married for 23 years, and I haven't noticed them have more than a minor disagreement, which means major disagreements were resolved in adult and respectful ways.

31 minutes, 4 seconds ago: love is a magical feeling :). Now: love is a psychological cope to try and brute-force meaning into my inexplicable and chaotic life.

How do you only have 56k subscribers. This video has been the most informative and hilarious piece of content I've seen in a long time. I had to laugh so hard to your dry humor I almost spit out my coffee.

Long lasting love is the ultimate year of whether you BOTH have your mental health and attitudes exceptionally explored and mastered. Even if you person has adjusted their attitudes and made sure to deal with their inner turmoil in healthy ways, if the other allows themselves to get bored, undisciplined or doesn't know how to deal with their stress responses, it will fail.

Romantic love is not love. It's everything real love isn't. It's selfish, competitive, jealous, and conditional.

You're seriously funny. I can totally relate to not knowing whether you're hypomanic or actually in love =)

thanks for enlightening me with your knowledge. i can give you my take on love. we love love because we feel so motivated by our emotions to be our best for someone we want to be close to. yes this positive emotion may fade, another emotion will take its place. let’s not reject the entire experience just because of how it ends. let’s just live (and be existentially honest about life)

Loving all the Werther slander. You echo exactly the sentiments I had back in highschool when I read the book, apparently according to my teacher that was not what I was supposed to take away from it.

"I can't even tell if I'm falling in love, or having another hypomanic episode" hits *hard*

A time ago I felt I am lonely without a partner. But the only true love is the live for yourself. A rather non-obsessive kind of love. A kind of accepting love.

The way I see it, creating your own hero's journey is a method that needs reflection in itself, because worst case scenario - you may wind up immature, narcissistic and detached. The novels made it pretty clear. (I am looking at you, Pechorin) Although I feel sorry for this type of people, I agree with you on your criticism in many respects. You made great and interesting work. It got me thinking in a helpful way. Спасибо)

We found you via the euphoria video on the take, your style, both discursive and aesthetic is so incredibly compelling it made one of us question for a second "wait is it worth doing video essays when she does it that well already?" It's an absolute pleasure to have found you and we do so look forward to your next video

The timing of this video for me (thanks algorithm)... And thanks to you, marvelous work this one is. Love is horrible sometimes: I met this girl by chance at a party last week. I couldn't get anything but her name (her friend had some emergency that interrupted us) but we talked and had a very deep connection and a lot in common. The idea of maybe not crossing paths ever again still haunts me no matter how I fight it in my head.

I agree. I think many of the reasons why heartbreak and the downsides of love hurt so much are because of unrealistic expectations, as you mentioned, and also because of one big thing: humans are flawed. I often think about how many relationships a person has to mess up in before they become their future partner's "soulmate". I think if more people accepted the fact that we all have so many flaws, they would look at love more realistically and more as a friendship rather than a bond as strong as the bond followers have with their religious idol who can never be flawed because they are either a god or have become enlightened after years of working on overcoming their flaws. I do think the high divorce rates should be seen as a sign of this. Personally, I would prefer to date for the rest of my life, even if it's the same person, because marriage is so infinite, personalities change after years of marriage, friendship is fun because you don't spend the rest of your life and all your home life with them, and no one can be as unflawed as a religious deity and tbh that kind of does make me annoyed at people heheh. Maybe I'm aromantic though.