What Are You Missing Them For? 

I've never understood the concept of placing someone or a relationship high on a pedestal. My feet are on the ground; the other person should be right there beside me. No matter how wonderful I felt about the other, I learned to take it slow. While I do what it takes to encourage the evolution of a deep and meaningful togetherness, I watch how much the other does likewise. This approach has worked well for me. After a few tries that failed, I remained hopeful. Then I met a person who seemed almost too good to be true. But our relationship has never faulted. Rather, it kept getting better to the point 23 years later we're solidly together, raising two teenagers, and enjoying life as a family. Love at first sight may feel good for the moment but get a grip and take it slow.

I hope you do find someone that is that exceptional for you.

You’re spot on Jax. I haven’t met a person yet that doesn’t elevate a new relationship to a place far more than it actually is. Initially we get an “inch” of information about them and we immediately begin filling in our own projections, hopes, expectations, dreams and history and we end up with a “yard” of information we share with our friends and family. As time goes on and we get more information about our new relationship, we have to replace what we added with what they bring, or we ignore new information if it doesn’t match what we filled in. We often bend and twist information to fit our expectations. Disappointment comes when we can’t deny who they are anymore and the real person isn’t who we constructed out of that original “inch” of information we initially got from them.

Thank you for the encouragement and very timely advice. My new goal is to use that energy towards my personal health, so that I can do better going forward!

Excellent advice.

You have the most amazing smile. Hope this makes your day.

Very interesting perspective. You have a way of looking at things in an atypical way - which is great. Thanks!

Stay strong and Alberta strong. ❤

And of course, another right on spot and point that you’re making that you’re dead on with this excellent point well said❤❤❤

Dude, you’re actually so deep. Great insight

You had me at the word “plinth”. Dave

i recently experienced the exat same situation, but with a regular friend instead. Though I much needed this video, needed to hear those sentences. Thank you so much!

I would say in most situations, when we miss someone who is clearly not meant for us, it's because we are using others to emotionally regulate. When we don't feel like we are enough on the inside, we look to external sources; be it relationships, substance-use, careers, etc., in order to try to fulfill us and provide a source of self-esteem. This, of course, is not a secure relationship nor attachment style, because no one can validate you but you...Therefore, periods between relationships are best used for self-discovery, and soul-searching if you will, so that the next relationship you go into is the best one yet, and you're able to enter it as the healthiest version of yourself and should expect the same back from your partner. xx

I’ve done that! Invested my energy into a one sided relationship. Dave

Just think about what is going on in his intestines, lungs and heart. That is a good way to keep yourself grounded while you explore what is going on in his mind and soul. If you still love him after a few weeks of that, there is possibility of it continuing. "Behold all flesh is as grass: It grows up a season, then desiccates and is harvested."

Mr. Jax, a fantasied relation is a fantasy. There's nothing real about it. Short term situationships don't usually last. This is exactly why extended courting is so important. It allows a bit of emotional distancing from a full-on committed relationship. Respectfully, Kim.

Fools rush in where wisemen refuse to tread. I think that happens when we are infatuated with the other person and we think that they're the best thing since sliced bread. The caveat here is that the object of your affection may not be where you are emotionally. That can be disappointing. When we think we've found our supposed soul mate we don't want to let them go and we become so wrapped up in the romance the other person may feel overwhelmed. I guess some of us have learned, through trail and error that we have to be a little more circumspect with our emotions and expectations.

As you've pointed out, you just need to take things slow and build up the relationship. Developing trust and a connection. That hopefully leads to romantic love. You're right. It's very easy, especially in the "Honeymoon" phase, to focus more on the other person. Instead of building a connection, you're instead building them up. And you can't. They are going to have flaws, fall short, and make mistakes. So, are you. Something about being human. It's okay to appreciate their small, kind gestures. Yes, some of them may be bare minimum. Lots of people fail to put even that amount of effort. So, it's okay to appreciate that about someone. But, like you said, there's a difference between appreciation and idolizing. Not everything they do is "perfect" or "wonderful." So, yes, it's very healthy to step back and reflect on them, yourself, and the relationship. Because people change and grow. Sometimes together, sometimes apart. Point is a healthy romantic love can add even greater value to your life. But, so can family, friends, hobbies, careers, etc . . . So less putting love on a pedestal and more keeping yourself grounded. If it happens, it happens. If not, that's okay too. The goal in finding a romantic part is so you each have someone to share the experience of life with. Not, so you can finally start living. That you should be doing already.