Here's my little positive-focus moment for the collection. Early every morning I go for a long walk, and four crows wait for me, because I give them a little bit of peanut butter, which they deeply love. Three of them hang back, but their leader, Alastair, comes pretty close and is always first in line. This morning I just kidded him a little, talking and making faces, and he swooped down closer, waiting for the peanut butter, just a few feet away and more trusting than he's ever been before. He looked at me with real interest while I talked to him- from much experience I'm really good at reading bird faces- and I could tell he likes me. I really enjoy him, and he follows me around the neighborhood. My pal.
I finally accepted that all the things I've been through are actually TRAUMA. I've always just minimized them and occasionally did a trauma dump on to people I love and didn't deserve it. I just recently found out the term trauma dump and didn't realize just how destructive it can be to me and my loved ones. Just another thing for me to regret...
I'm glad you're making progress! Accepting trauma and noticing its effects has been tough for me as well. Shame is difficult for me because it usually makes me isolate instead of learning better ways to act. I've apologized to my friends and relatives about the times trauma brain took over, and they've mostly been understanding. Hope things get better!
The part of your story I can relate to most is having regrets. I've had to make peace with mine and would like to share a few thoughts that you may or may not have already considered. Feel free to take what you want and leave the rest. If it doesn't help you, maybe it will help someone else. I forgave myself because I did the best I could at the time. If, back then, I knew what I know now, I would have made better choices. I think that people that say they have no regrets either aren't very self-aware or have led an incredibly charmed life because a regret can be something as simple as trusting someone you shouldn't have. I'm thankful that I'm able to acknowledge my mistakes or regrets. Those who don't experience regret and feel justified in everything they do, regardless of who they hurt, have much bigger problems than we do. Which is kind of a good lead-in to this thought, courtesy of a transient hippie friend who I crossed paths with once a year for a decade. He had a love-hate relationship with heroin and broke it off a number of times but "she" wooed him back in. I wish I could find him; he was an amazing man. But I digress ... You may have already heard this but I hadn't at that time and I believe it to be true now: The depth with which we experience negative emotions is in equal proportion to the depth (or height?) that we are able to experience happiness or more positive emotions. I wish you well always, fellow human with regrets.
Sharing some good vibes and gratitude here: - I took the bus and had no ticket so a lady offered me hers and I gave her some cookies I had with me as an exchange 🌞 - I lost my wallet in thrift store and the manger found it and did everything he could to return it to me as fast as he could 🙏 - I got a really bad news and my neighbor offered me a big supportive hug - i was at a beach and a family shared their Macdonald with me … there are soooo many kind hearted people and the proof is this podcast and this community which gives lots of hope ❤️🌱 thanks a lot for that everyone 🌈
Kindness alert: I paused the podcast at about 30 seconds before Kati asked us to put kindness in the comments. I paused it because I was at the drive through to pick up our dinner at a restaurant. As he handed me my food the guy in the drive through said “I’ve got some extra breadsticks in the oven, would you like some?” Maybe because he saw I was using a birthday coupon on my dinner, maybe just random, but very nice and unexpected! And then I unpaused and heard Kati’s ask. 😂 Here’s a couple more recent ones! As she was handing my glasses back to me at a recent doctor’s visit, a nurse told me I have beautiful eyes! (That might seem off, but based on our demographics and the vibe this was not at all creepy in context, just trust me.) Strange but so sweet! At the community garden this weekend, someone had grown hundreds of extra tomato plant seedlings and was giving them away for free to anyone else who wanted any. I have gotten drawn into a mutual aid group via some friends in my town who are helping some elderly disabled folks whose apartment building burned down. They have been making sure these folks had food, a place to sleep, fundraising to get them clothes and other items, helping them move from hotels to shelters to (finally!) their own new apartments, advocating for them with social service agencies, and just generally making sure these people get back on their feet. Just because helping other people is good.
This episode touches on so many open questions/wounds... it's been challenging to listen to, but in a good way. Thank you Kati and to those sharing bits of their stories with their questions. You are all helping a lot
The abused child in me wants to say “that’s what she said” but also relates as well…. This had me question so much shit that brings out the dissociative comedian in me
Going off of what Kati said, focussing on gratitude and writing down just a couple things you're grateful for each day (even if it's just enjoying a coffee or petting your pet), it can help your mindset and view of the world sooo much. I've really enjoyed using The Five Minute Journal, which includes a section for this each day. Highly recommend checking that out and trying to practice gratitude and optimism (not in a toxic positivity way, but instead just working on the way you talk to yourself/think about situations and what you have control over) each day, because as hard as it is, it really can be helpful once you get into the habit of it ❤ I also really do want to validate how hard this is to do. But don't be hard on yourself for not doing it perfectly. We're all a work in progress, and you're already doing amazing by taking the first step to learn and try to feel better 😊
Question 4 was relatable. Most adult figures in my life as a kid turned out to be 'monsters'. I loved my poppa. Used to go camping and on road trips with him. Found out after he died he was a well known kiddy fi**ler. My uncle apparently preyed on me but I didn't realize. My dad turned into an abusive addict and a couple of my teachers mistreated me. I have major trust issues and still haven't processed the trauma. I'm grateful for my mum and brothers but we are forever messed up from the events.
Hi Kati, thanks for answering my question (#8). Over the past two weeks, I decided to end therapy with my current therapist, and yesterday was our last session. I just couldn't do it anymore. Seeing her was just too painful. She agreed that it was time to end it as she is not a trauma psychologist. She primarily works with post-partum women (that's how I ended up with her in the first place, I was looking for treatment for my ppd). To say that I am beyond heartbroken and feel like the world has come crashing in on me now is the understatement of the century. I feel so lost, confused, and scared. I have a team of people working to find me the proper help, but I'm so scared I'll just be pushed around the system (universal healthcare), and eventually, I'll be lost in the system. Im so scared I won't get the help I need.
I so relate to your post. I ended my therapy because I had to move but I knew even if I didn’t move I would have needed to end it because I was so attached/in love with my therapist it just caused me so much pain and angst, not being able to have her..I lived my whole life for her thinking of her everyday and couldn’t wait for the next session.. It caused a lot of grief and sadness and we even processed it but it just wasn’t enough. I felt lost and scared that I would never be able to find another therapist that I could connect to. But I will say that I now have found someone that I feel is a pretty good therapist too. I don’t feel that deep sort of romantic love but feel like she’s a “sister” if that makes sense. I still think of my old therapist daily and just try to accept this is just where I’m at in my journey. It’s hard to say the least!
@Ylana I'm so glad you've managed to find someone else that doesn't evoke the same romantic feelings in you. It must feel so nice to connect with her in a more sisterly manner. I wish you all the best for the future. X
1. A coworker of mine took a form from me today and walked it to where it’s supposed to go. 2. My son made me laugh when he sang as Kenny from South Park.❤
Hey Kati can you please share that research on what’s considered normal behaviors for each age group like the green light and amber stuff you were talking about a the beginning of the video?
Sometimes those darker/forced fantasies can also arise in people raised in highly religious environments and who simultaneously feel a deep sense of shame around wanting sex, particularly among women (or repressed homosexual urges) and in those who have directly witnessed women being shamed for expressing their sexuality.
Q5 My cat fell asleep against my leg today. He is usually very shy. I stopped my car and received a 'thumbs up' from a pedestrian wanting to cross the sidewalk.
Q4: What if there has been NO dirtbagging but severe accusations of SA? I mean, a teacher spots out abused children and tries to help them, but ends up arrested by accusations made by the abusing parent/family friend/whomever...? Shifting the blame, counter accusations? Wouldn't be the first time.
Dear Kate: I saw an amazing psychiatrist mention that if you have a depression that will never go away, it'd be nice to test for authism. What do you think?
First fear memory we know of is. A picture of a disfigured old fat guy with this glasses, we call him 'the ogre man' we knew we were supposed to sit still and if we moved or stimmed we hear a painful clap behind n above our head. Happens with a metel framed plastic class chair. The picture is what comes up when our inner child thinks of it
I thought females didn't start to have se*ual urges until after we begin menstruating. That's true in my case -- and I was "late" at 16. Unless that info is inaccurate, the mere thought of masturbation seems unlikely for a toddler. I need to get busy with things I keep putting off but if anyone knows if that's true or not, I am curious to know. That was something told to me decades ago.
Funny, I wrote that at the begining of the video. Before she mentioned childhood neglect, self soothing and sex addition 😅 Guess I clicked on the right video!
