"Clean your plate" A friend of mine was forced to eat his whole portion every time his dad was at the table. He was not allowed to stand up and his dad sat with him. And of course the man became more and more angry the longer he took. Dad though he was too small and too weak, called him homophobic slurs and wanted to make 'a real son' out of him. Friend learned to not eat anything all day and at age 5 taught himself to throw up after having heard people talk about it on TV. He would stuff himself, than excuse himself to the bathroom, throw up, and force the rest down. He had an ED until his mid 20s. He was dangerously underweight and nearly died when he got sick because there was nothing his body could feed from during the time of recovery. No contact with his dad for years.
My son doesn't fear me, I was genuinely terrified of a "parent" wasn't allowed to explain my side of a situation and beat for a medical condition. You best believe I made sure my son can talk to me about anything and didn't even yell at him when it came about he has same medical problems, just talk him through and support. Needless to say I don't speak to it anymore
"YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE" always about something that was CLEARLY an accident. My mom ended up passing this on to my older sister and she treated her son no differently. Also, my dad for some weird reason believed that girls only cry to control people. He'd always dismiss my feelings every time I'd have the courage to express my frustrations "You don't feel that way", or "that's not true,"
Omfg "kitchen's closed" lol. All the nonsense about never eating sugar and the strict timing of our meals lead me to start sneaking food into my room and developing binge eating disorder. Shit suuuuucks
The amount of times my dad has said that “it’s too late to have a snack right now” because it’s going to affect my sleep. He’s definitely gotten better with this but it’s still definitely annoying at times.
When my dad apologized to me for the first time. I actually thought I would cry. I'm serious too. He never apologized for anything and the first time he did it blew my mind!
"No, you can't wear that [insert family member/family friend] is coming over..." If they have such an issue with what I WEAR in the comfort of MY HOME maybe THEY shouldn't go round then...I spent most of my time in my room anyway so they saw me for about 10-20 minutes. EDIT: I wasn't in something inappropriate or walking around with nothing on
That sounds like purity culture. Your parents probably think that even slightly exposing clothes will "corrupt" people or make them "enticed" to do something or feel some sort of way. In reality it's not your responsibility to prevent your family members from becoming incest likers.
Don't talk back to me at all, I fucking hate it when my mom and step-father do that shit, especially when me and my little brother try to speak our minds and share our opinions, can't stand that shit honestly.🙄😑
“Sorry doesn’t fix it.” While being lectured while my mom was angry at me. I was genuinely apologizing and there was nothing I could do to undo the mistake. I was 8. This turned me into a massive perfectionist who freaks out when anything goes wrong. I still say sorry, but also try to do everything humanly possible to make it up to the person because ‘sorry doesn’t fix it’ and ‘there’s no way they could possibly forgive me if all I do is apologize’. I then overanalyze making it up to them because my mom would get mad at me for ‘frantically’ cleaning or trying to make it up to her. While in some situations sorry isn’t the only solution, ‘sorry’ DOES fix it sometimes. If I ever had kids, I would teach them that ‘sorry’ can fix things, but that sometimes you need to do things in addition to the ‘sorry’. ‘Sorry’ is a good thing to say, and you’re allowed to make mistakes and be forgiven when you apologize.
As a kid I distinctly remember my dad’s lecture, that there’s always going to be someone better, smarter, faster than you, so stop trying. As an adult, I understand why he thought like that. It was beaten into him. Try to do better and the crab bucket mentality of your family will drag you back in. I will not be passing that onto my kid.
"You have to be the one to change" that phrase haunts me. I have AS, never knew until I was 28 years old. The yelling matches over my inability to hear myself or being "too sensitive" was always the core issue I had no idea to fix nor knew why i was the one in the wrong all the time. My parents came to terms with my AS now and they are dealing with their own trauma better
i will never tell a kid they're "too young to know". as someone who had people tell me i was too young to know my sexuality it caused me to deny my feelings and so i wont dismiss a kids feelings and them exploring themselves. im not gonna have kids but if my siblings have kids ill make sure my nieces/nephews know they can explore tehmselves and that they are valid in any label they relate to even if it changes in a month or even a couple years. it hurts nobody to try out ways to lebel their feelings or try our pronouns and such but it does hurt someone to dismiss their feelings and deny them the ability to explore
I mean, the easiest way to fix the complaints about AI is to reintroduce your facial cameos into your videos. I actually like them a lot. There's some things that facial expressions can express that voice can't. 😊
I am the same as the guy who was told about growing up. People like to show that being an adult is the worst part of your life, literally telling us that after 18 or your 20's you will live miserably. Nobody likes to think that in your 30's, 40's, 50's, and so on will be only sad because of responsibilities and crappy jobs. This also goes with your teenage years being the best of your life, and it was not.
Personally I like the other voice, but that's just me. Also, I was taught "we're the adults, we're allowed to interupt you. You're not allowed to interupt us when we're talking, ever." And yes, many members of my family try to still enforce that nonsense with me, but they fail miserably as I'm in my 30's and built like a Linebacker now. I will never do this to any kids I may have in the future.
My dad would do something similar when I was really little. He asked me to explain why I did what I did if I happened to do something wrong and then when I would go to try to talk and explain myself he would cut me off by yelling things like "well!?" And "huh!?" And he would just keep doing it to the point where I just shut up thinking that's what he wanted. Eventually when I got a little older and got to have a little more attitude I called him out on it and he eventually stopped doing it.
That if your child expresses their feelings about being depressed and how you hurt them, just gaslight them and start crying about that your child is always painting you as the villain and how horrible everyone treats you. -.- Now days after I basically raised myself and took care of all my horrific problems, she tells me that she is glad that I went through a traumatic childhood because I seem like an extremely functional and mature adult.
This was like listening to the playbook of things my mom did as a parent. As a result of being raised by her, I developed pretty bad social anxiety (that I only got diagnosed and medicated for AFTER I was able to move out), I feel guilty anytime I do something nice for myself (because it's "selfish"), and have a really hard time expressing my feeling and receiving genuine compliments. My mom often accused me of making friends with "fat people" to make myself feel better about my size, even though I was (and still am) pretty average, if not short. And screw her, my BFF may be larger than me, but there's a good reason we're still besties after nearly a quarter of a century. I almost hate to say it, but life has been better since Mom passed. I loved her, but I really didn't like her.
I taught my boys and Grandsons that it takes a strong man to let your feelings out, any wimp can hold it in for awhile. Also didn't make them eat something, but they had to take one bit and if they still don't want it that's ok. More often than not they found they like it.
I won't ever have kids but. "You're staying at the table until you've finished your food." I had a lot of sensory issues and that wasn't a thing for them. Mum has told me that both her mum, and her mum's mum, used to warn her that "all men want is sex" and that she decided that she'd never teach her kids the same thing.
My parents used to doctor-shop for therapists. They'd find a therapist, the therapist would eventually realize that the problem was my parents, and my parents would make me stop going to them because they were "lying to me." So when my mental health inevitably got worse I'd have to go ask for therapy, only to be told it isn't that bad. That lead me to tantrum and act crazy so i could get some help. I'll never make anyone else go through lengths like that to get the help they need.
I never do the because i said so i tell the kids i am not sure of the anwser, my niece and nephews i would tell them we can look for the anwser. As a pre school teacher i let the kids know that adults dont know everything but we can always learn.
Ohhhhh...the 2 that stood out to me....1 bad, 1 good: Story 12 - "Clean Your Plate" That one pisses me off so much. Long story short, we were camping with friends, 4 yr. old wanted to swim, pool had just opened for the day, but it was breakfast time. Parents were letting child come with me to the pool...but "You have to eat all of your breakfast before you go". The plate? A pancake bigger than MY head, half a dozen eggs - with 3 slices of cheese, 6 slices of bacon, 2 large serving spoons of fried potatoes, 2 cups (like, measuring cups) of cut up fruits, and basically one of those big (24-30 oz.?) water bottles full of milk or orange juice (couldn't see into it, I just know it wasn't water). Looking at everything, even *I* wanted to throw up! Somehow...that teeny, tiny, little thing managed it...and kept it down. That was about 7 years ago. We lost touch with them shortly after that camping trip, but I do sometimes wonder how that child is doing now...and if mom/dad are still forcing food on them. Story 33 - "Grades Are Everything" My husband and I told our kids - on an almost daily basis - "All we ask is that you do your best TODAY. Maybe 'today' will be better than yesterday, maybe 'today' will be worse that yesterday." Oh, and "Tanking a test isn't the end of the world." Honestly, all 5 of my kids were harder on THEMSELVES than we ever were. 2nd born even grounded herself once...for getting a B (87%) on an "easy" test! LOL It was adorable, but annoying. For one week, we only saw her was when necessary (meals, and going to/from the shower and bathroom breaks)...no tv, no gaming, no hanging out with friends. "I HAVE TO STUDY!!" No matter how much we told her an 87% was still a good grade. "I KNOW I can do BETTER!" Felt kind of weird to try to tell/force a kid NOT to so...yep...we just...let her study that week.
my mother used to make me very scared about grades, particularly in mathematics. Even know, after my SATs, and other exams, I am always worried about getting anything lower than a B-. Even 85 is borderline. I had to deal with physical, verbal and emotional shit, and it still haunts me, to the point that I am very afraid of making even small mistakes, though sometimes, I can laugh about something innocent with my friends, but that's very rare.
"Oh no, that [article of clothing] makes you look fat. Don't wear that!" She then wondered why I mainly dressed in tomboy-esque clothing. It was always the clothing she INSISTED on buying too. Bought my own clothes that highlight my body in good ways and make me feel good. "Even if I did do that, you deserved it anyway!" This was the summary of what she said to me (via email) about me telling the case worker and my lawyer about the "tickling" (inappropriate touching, as my lawyer coined). She now wonders why I refuse to talk to her.
My parents did one thing right: they did explain that, sometimes, boys do pick on girls they like, *but* that I not only needed to tolerate, but also that I shouldn't tolerate it. A lot of the boys in school thought I was a bitch for it, and picked on me even more. I wasn't mean to them about it, either. I just told them to stop. Unfortunately, I gave into it, and stopped even trying to stand up for myself because I didn't want to be hated. And the teachers I had didn't do shit about it, either. At my first elementary school, they just told me to ignore it because responding only made them want to do more. I tried ignoring them, and it didn't work, but I also learned not to go to the teachers about it because they didn't give a rat's ass, unless, of course, I said something, and the other kid told on me, in which case, I got in trouble. 🙄 And, none of this was helped by the fact that, unbeknownst to any of the adults in my life, I'm on the autistic spectrum. What used to be called Asperger's wasn't well-known, if known at all, but I apparently had a pretty flat affect, to the point that I came across as bitchy, even when I was just talking normally.
My parents always tell me to “just ignore [whatever the problem is]” which I understand is probably something they were told as children and probably think “works”, but in reality, it just makes the situation worse! I get exponentially more annoyed, my parents then get fed up with my “attitude” and start to yell at me with even more of an attitude and then expect me to deal with this on repeat!! NO
@@KpopIsMyWayOfLife The whole YoU hAvE a BaD atTiDuE thing is pretty stupid, especially if they either gave terrible advice like that or, even worse, treated you like crap. There's only so much you can take before you do get that way. I'm sorry you went through that, too.
I was taught as kid that you respect your elders especially if they're your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles,etc If i ever have a kid I'd teach them respect should be earned and not expected regardless of age
Oh man. As someone who grew up in not-the-best environment, I gotta cut out of this one early. It's physically painful to have all this personal trauma laid out in front of me at once.
Its more what he wouldn't teach us. Me my twin and heck even my mom were sheltered and even coddled by my grandpa. I had to a learn a lot on my own, and now that he's almost ninety i have to fight him to keep him from doing hazardous stuff i can do for him. and i still struggle with being spoiled or lazy
That first one could be a round about way of getting the kids to think about why an adult should apologize, especially since the parents seemed to be on top of it when the kids did it. Tho, that's just a solid maybe. Could be that they really thought they didn't or shouldn't have to
I once saw this comment on a post where this person was basically saying that any kid who’s stressed about school and school related things are invalid situations to be stressed in because “they’d have so much more to be stressed about as an adult” which I’m sure is true but that just made me feel terrible. Edit: the amount of times I have had my parents yell at me for not eating a plate of food that was new to me that I didn’t like is astronomical. They would also yell at me for not eating dinner or whatever they made for me, they would also say that since I didn’t finish it, I could have it as a snack later when I get hungry which just caused me suffering and a newfound hate for them. All this also caused me to become even more picky than I was before and now I’m scared to try new foods and stuff like that because I’m scared of the unnecessary punishment I would get. Edit 2: 10:47 I was about to screen record this part and send it to my mom but I knew in that moment that if I sent it, she would say that it wasn’t credible and that I shouldn’t believe everything on the internet and that “she does encourage me to try new foods” but it’s the part after that makes it my situation… “but if they try it and don’t like it, they shouldn’t be forced”, this part is what my parents would make me do. I would try something but, oh no, I can’t have something else because we’re having that for dinner! Edit 3: this video has made me want to cry so many times. There were some stories that were very similar to my situation that made me realize how toxic and unforgiving my household is. I’ve tried to deny it because, yes, my parents have sacrificed lots of things for me but it still doesn’t cancel out the fact that they have done many of these things countless times and this video made me realize that, no, my situation isn’t normal and some of the things they do have very much affected my mental and physical health. Edit 4: I have also realized that my step dad has altered my mom’s mood when he’s around. For example when I’m around just my mom and my sister(sometimes my sister), it’s fun and even calming at times, but when my step dad steps in the room or even enters the house, the atmosphere changes and my mood worsens. My mom goes straight to his defense for anything and it seems that raising me when he’s around is just so much more of a burden than it has to be. Like I understand it’s hard to raise a child, but with him around, my mom becomes so much more irritable and so do I. There was this one time where I got grounded, I can’t remember why but I can assume it was my step dad doing his usual trying to be funny not funny jokes while me and my mom were watching a movie, and I tried to get my step dad to stop talking so we could watch without distractions, but he just kinda blew up on me and started tying to take the higher ground and got mad at me for “talking back to him” and “being disrespectful” even though I was just telling him to stop talking so we could watch. But it got to a point that my mom stepped in and told me to go to my room. I did and while I was there, I was on my bed and I have this one stuffed animal on it that’s like a really chunky chicken plushie that I saw some hair in. I grabbed it and tried to get the hair off it but something just clicked in my brain and I started sobbing. I hugged it and just buried my face in it. And in the moment it seemed like it gave me more comfort than my parents. There was also this one time that I got really mad and started to seem more annoyed and it sure as heck looked like I was annoyed, but my parents kept trying to get me to stop by keeping talking to me but a lot of times when I’m annoyed it because people just won’t stop talking and stuff like that but I kept telling them that i was annoyed because of their constant talking to me and talking in general but they just kept at it and I ended up just stomping out of the room trying to distance myself from the situation. For clarification, I don’t get annoyed just because of someone taking normally all the time. But if someone is talking really loud and I’m trying to do/watch something, that’s when I do get a bit more irritated. But I wouldn’t get irritated from someone just whispering or not being too loud. But if they do that incessantly, I will get irritated fast. This has turned into a really long venting sesh but this has definitely helped me get some things off my chest, but I still have a lot on my mind that has yet to come up.
That school days are the best of your lives. I was bullied and suicidal. Never ever said that to my daughter. I said. People will tell you school days are the best of your lives, ignore them. Things get better.
One time I kicked one of my friends because he was being annoying and got in an argument with my mom about it. At first I was adamant that what I'd done was proportional and righteous because my friend wouldn't leave me alone at that time, but she started to convince me that I was in the wrong... and then as part of trying to convince me she claimed that since he was my friend he could just leave if I treated him badly, but if I'd kicked a family member they'd have to stay, so that was different. So my mother was earnestly trying to argue that my actions were wrong specifically because I was NOT abusing family, which makes it better because if you're family you HAVE to stay together. And she wonders why I hate and fear my brother and resent her....
Because I was the oldest I “knew better” and no matter what anyone else did, it was still my responsibility. Yeah, I knew better. I knew better that when you ask someone to stop, they do. That you shouldn’t have to e reduced to tears screaming for your sister to stop being annoying me pushing your buttons but I just got told to ignore it. She would do the “I’m not touching you” thing and I mean we were 4 and 5. It was easier for it to be my fault than get her to stop it. My siblings and cousin go up to y room and trash it? I clean it up and they don’t get in trouble. Always would say “we’ll deal with them later” and when asking my sibs as adults, have determined it was lying bullshit. I was told recently it’s because I was older bd “knew better.” What i learned is y didn’t matter what I did, if I tried or not, if I lied or not, everything was y fault so why bother? Saying it’s because I’m the oldest s pretty fuckin easy when neither of your parents were the oldest sibling. Sure, one had younger siblings, but there was always one older than them to take the heat. All I could be an example of is there’ll always be someone else who will get in trouble for you.
Keep trying for that boy. Four daughters in we were struggling financially, living in roaches and mold, moving every couple years. My first personal bed was a box built over a bathtub in a broken bathroom. They finally got their boy just before menopause and he came out with genetic issues as a direct result. Love the kid but he was a hail Mary in a crappy game.
how bout a lesson my mom is currently helping me knock into my brain that's actually that's very helpful, "New mistakes, not old mistakes" basically, "Don't copy my mistakes, make your own" XD
Oof, the not talking back thing. I remember in kindergarten, so i had to be 5 or less, I was so upset because the adults didn’t even let me explain myself. I think I hit someone, so obviously I wasn’t in the right, but by not even letting me explain myself all I learned from that exhange was "adults never listen". What I will instead do is listen to my future child, understanding their point of view, and then explain why even if what the other kid did was not right, that still doesn't make it right to hit them. Make the child feel heard. It is so much easier for a child to listen to you if they feel like you listen to them.
I was taught that people who claim to love you have a right to do anything to you. I think most people can figure out how well that went when I started dating.
I do compare my kid to another kid but that child is a demon and I ask her if she wants to end up like him because he annoys the crap outta her. She typically straightens up after realizing the similarities sometimes 😂
I have kids. Even when I was a kid my parents were always very firm that if anyone does something wrong, makes a mistake, or hurts someone Even if it's the parent, the person in the wrong needs to apologize. My husband and I do this with our kids too. Also, 'sometimes mum is having a bad time and I'm a bad mood and needs a timeout too.' But to be fair I had pretty good parents. The purity culture B's is a hard nope though
I will never teach my oldest step son that it is his responsibility to stop his younger siblings from doing something. My mom used to ask me all the time why I didn’t stop my younger sister from doing something she would say you’re the oldest you should have stopped her or you’re the oldest you should know better. I also won’t teach them that they have to hug anyone they don’t want to I don’t give a crap who it is. If I tell my kid to do something 50 or 60 times and I yell it is their fault because if they would have done it the first time I wouldn’t have yelled
These androids keep getting more and more advanced I'm honestly impressed. But that aside, growing up the only language my dad really spoke was he yell. More often than not he would speak to me with a raised voice at best. So if I ever end up having any kids I know I'm not going to yell anywhere near to the extent that my old man did if at all.
Is he hard of hearing maybe? Did he work at a noisy job? There is that side to the coin, maybe he wouldnt be able to hear himself talk and some people need that to make sure they say the correct thing. Regardless if they're also an Asshole while doing so. Edit: My parents are like that, you can hear them across the house and if you keep a few doors open, even hear what they're saying. They're very loud talkers. My mom is almost deaf in one ear and is hard of hearing in the other. So depending on which side she is turning to me i am either talking not loud enough or i should stop yelling. Lmao
My fiancé’s mother always taught him toxic feminism. She is automatically against him in every case simply because he is not the woman, and tries to create conflict just so that she can go against him. She tries to pressure me to do the same. I plan to take his last name when we are married, she tries to get me to keep mine instead. Repeatedly. Even though I have made it clear I want to take his. All because women don’t belong to men “and therefore we shouldn’t take their last name.” Woman physically abuse her husband? His fault, he should be better. I will never teach that toxic femininity to my children, male or female. They will learn that both partners should be treated equally and treated well, regardless of gender.
Adults don't have hobbies? This mindset is very common. I've seen so many of my friends stop doing fun things because they think they are too old. I play board games, and some people won't play because they are too old for that.
Not to pitch your children against each other/appear to have favourites! Not to leave your children to flounder through life, because?! Not to make them think, that you have all the answers! Not to criticize their physicality! I loved my mum, but damn, she fucked us up!
I've been trying to explain this to my step daughter. She's talented at art but I want her to have various interests so she doesn't rely only on one thing.
You have to clear your plate!... My mum is and my dad was obese... I know if was a "rations" thing but I was born the 1970s (the richest decade for normal people in about 200 years and still not that rich now) and my sibs were 70's/80's kids... My dad was earning £30,000 a year when a house could be bought for £2,000! We were a long way from skint!!!
0:12 any parent that would tell their children this is a narcissistic parent. NOBODY gets it right. We're all just winging it. Even my mother knows better than that
To always put others first. If you want your children to grow up to be spineless weaklings, teach them that other people are more important than they are. It made me a doormat most of my life, until the red pill community taught me the most important person in my life is myself. I come first; the rest can have my table scraps.
