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What Do You Do When Your Spouse Is Raging in Anger?

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Samuel discuses an important recovery tool for those who deal with anger in repair work.
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairreco.... He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.

Опубликовано:

25 авг 2024

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Комментарии : 25

@angus10538 5 лет назад

This is so great--deep, important, necessary--and I love that you can present it with humor and the seriousness that it deserves. Thank you.

@jwright7728 5 лет назад

This is a great tool to use by both WS and BS. We are 18 months into recovery and this was a valuable thing to learn to do. This was not something that you can just flip a switch and put into action immediately because in the beginning emotions are all over the map. Me, being the BS, I made a rule for myself, that if during a conversation I felt I was spinning out of control and wanted to throw my husband out into the cold, or I had crazy thoughts of doing something terrible to get even (which was a lot!) I would place my phone on a timer for 2 hours, and take a time out. I would walk away and tell him I am enacting the 2-hour rule and time out, and then when my timer would go off, I would reassess if I really wanted to do or say what I wanted to before. This gave me a chance to lower my racing heart and racing thoughts (if only a little bit) and, even though I was still angry or hurt, almost always it had a positive effect on my mental health. Samuel, this was a wonderful video this week, and I agree that this can be a very helpful tool for recovery.

@blackiegohard 5 лет назад

Thank you for this topic.

@angeliquemartinez9311 5 лет назад

Its been a year, i left after i discovered my husband was cheating as if that wasn't bad enough i was humiliated for the other woman (he basically trying to be with both) he today still insist on getting us back...hes lied so much i don't trust or believe anything he says...with that being said i dealing with alot of anger, anxiety, depression, but mostly anger im having trouble controling my and i don't see any reconciliation happening on my end

@angeliquemartinez9311 5 лет назад

It was a 14 yr marriage w/4 kids

@wesbaugher 5 лет назад

I’m having a problem with this I am the betrayed spouse And one minute we are doing ok And the next s trigger hits I start asking questions I get more angry Then I start transmitting my pain in ways of shaming her, or calling her names, raising my voice to much. And all the things I say I don’t always mean but in my moments of anger they come out What are ways I can not transmit my pain in a negative way towards my spouse

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

it requires working through the pain my friend. here are some helpful resources: www.affairrecovery.com/groups/qa-how-can-i-have-more-productive-conversations-not-flooded-conversations-my-spouse www.affairrecovery.com/qa-what-each-spouses-role-handling-triggers www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-protocol-for-reminders www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope

@leahpalladino9381 5 месяцев назад

I’m doing the same thing and I have even taken it out on others

@sherylrodriguez4703 5 лет назад

This is what we’ve been going through...it is a horrible merry go round...

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

it is for sure. there is hope though.

@BS-zj7mk 5 лет назад

My husband witholds emotional love. I'm devastated. He says he loves me but there is no emotions or connection. We fight all the time. I'm lost. Can he love me but show no emotion, no intimacy, no physical contact?

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

possibly....but you need expert help and an expert process to know more. i would ask him to do some recovery work with you asap and then see how things go that way.

@ms.rlsteele351 6 месяцев назад

Been there, done that. Not going to work bc my ex wasn't raised to communicate, just get mad. He had a throwing rage one time. I called the police. He had to go a hotel. He has been angry ever since. Been divorced 23 years. He is still angry.

@karmanobes4495 5 лет назад

I can have a pretty good day now (49 days out) I can be myself at work, I’ve had me time and hung out with friends, but once the evenings come I start being mean to my unfaithful spouse even if I was nice throughout the day and ok. Then when I wake up I might be ok until I get out of bed and start getting ready then I’m mean again and fight almost every day then apologize before I leave or driving to work and now it’s like a cycle. How do I be ok at nights and in the mornings? Am I normal 😞

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

very normal. you'll need some new habit to utilize to find healing and shift your focus from the triggers. maybe having a new habit pattern in the morning and at night.....there are natural and light dosage sleeping pills, there is better communication, there is new ways of defeating the triggers. try harboring hope as well: www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope

@paperflowers4917 5 лет назад

Thank you so much for all of your videos. This is something we still need to get the hang of! I was wondering if you have any advice for couples who are reconciling, but the AP keeps attempting to make contact by appearing at places of work, on routes home, etc. Thank you!

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

your very welcome. i would consult law enforcement and see about a protective order/restraining order to protect yourself and keep changing email and phone numbers. at some level, you have to do whatever you can to insulate yourself from the ap. it's normal and happens often....but you can take some action to try and do what you can to prevent some of it. i'm sorry you're having to go through this.

@duchess4480 5 лет назад

you should do videos on when a spouse has an affair with a coworker, however they ended it but still work together!

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

great suggestion thank you

@elizabethmirabile678 5 лет назад

Absolutely yes. Betrayed spouse working in same company as side chick but different departments, sees everyday. Without MY Faith I don’t believe I would’ve kept my hands off her. I am the better woman.

@brandiphillips5775 Год назад

I think continuing to be a part of the other persons life in any capacity is a deal breaker.

@FvM8 5 лет назад

I wish she'd watch this, but it's dreaming. She abuses the time out protocol I'd say like you wouldn't believe, I don't know if she was unfaithful, but there so many time outs it's gotten so bad I think it's close to over if something doesn't change. Good video though man thank you for it.

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

sorry brother, but thanks for posting and in the middle of your hurt and pain, still encouraging me. means a ton.

@lucylou3286 5 лет назад

I'm presuming you mean vile? It sounds like vital when you talked about abusing it. I do feel that the unfaithfuls would abuse it a lot especially in the early days? I know at about 3 months in my unfaithful spouse snapped and was really nasty. We were walking in the dark. He felt and I think still does that he's apologised and has ceased all contact. Done individual and marital therapy etc etc but I still feel we are stuck. We not long after that outbreak found a better couples therapist but I do feel a lot of the time because in the uk there isn't really infidelity therapist we still have a way to go. Don't get me wrong she has been fantastic but I still feel unheard and stuck. We are much better now from the point of view we used to literally talk about it as soon as the kids were in bed until the early hours but yeah some very good points. - on a side note while I know it's a long time in reconciliation for you and Samantha, I do love how you can really tell you regret everything you did and how much she is your life. The perfection comment was lovely.

@samshealingpodcast 5 лет назад

thank you Lucy.