The key is to slow down. Housework, hygiene, health, none of it has a time limit. If you slow down everything will get done. It goes so much faster than you can possibly imagine. Remember that there will come a time when you'll miss nursing and pooping at the same time and you will miss even the most intense tears and screams that come from your beautiful baby. They cling to you for such a short time. Embrace it. It's such a special time. Just go slow and prioritize everything. Nothing is more important than this time. I have 5 kids ages 10, 8, 6, 2, and 1 month. A decade has blown by and many regrets and guilty feelings have come and vanished. I teach my kids that when you make mistakes you can't dwell in that space. You have to let go to make room for something new to come in, and when you let go of that mistake you will learn a lesson from it. And when we learn better, we do better the next time we face a similar situation. Parenting is go with the flow. Don't force your child into your world, learn to blend and flow with one another.
Many thanks, I been tryin to find out about "tips to get baby to sleep longer" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Have you heard people talk about - Qeysaiah Baby Bangka - (do a google search ) ? Ive heard some awesome things about it and my brother in law got excellent success with it.
Great talk! I feel that the concept of the “village” has been forgotten! The reason people are so anxious and find themselves isolated and thinking negative thoughts is because there is no village anymore and people are raising their babies/children alone which was never meant to be the way for centuries/millennia, humans have raised their children together. It’s very helpful and the way we are doing things is leading to more post partum depression and overwhelmed parents.
True to a certain extent. I think some people isolate themselves or take on everything single handed because of what the village has become. You hear so many stories about babies or children being murdered by the babysitter, daycare worker, the boyfriend/girlfriend, the grandparent or even a family friend. Sometimes people know they need the help, but they have no idea who they can trust in this day and age to actually care for the child as they're expected to.
I was chatting to my family about this today actually.. difference between grandparents generation raising in a village vs us trying to be self sufficient.Hence the older generation explains that they all went though it but lacks the understanding of why it’s “so hard” for our generation.
We need Jesus same yesterday today tomorrow here one memory can regenerate that dormant element of village (tribe) . Yea One god is enough slow down it will get done it will go fast . Keep on
@@b.martin9344 a very valid point...our time is different to say 30 years ago when it was easier to trust others...especially now with the dark web and a plethora of people exposed to child exploitation
This brought tears to my eyes because she hit the nail right on the head for me. I have a 10 month old and 7 year old, and life has been soo overwhelming, being a working mum and a wife. My husband works 6 days a week and long hours, so is hardly around. I feel alone and stressed most of the time, and on top of that I am exhausted, and feel inadequate. I also feel like no one understands, but this video made me realise I am not alone and it's a relief. Thank you for this!
Shia M i have a group on FB called Let’s Just Talk!! A group for all moms, dads, people who struggle will talk about whatever they need to talk about. You won’t feel alone ❤️
This just hits a cord with me because I now have a first hand glimpse into the requirements and challenges a mother endures. I hope 3 years later you and your family are healthy and happy.
I had my first baby at 35. Before that I had a successful career. Let me tell you; being a mother is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I look back and wonder how I managed it especially the first couple of years X
I think that if you worry about being a good parent means that you are already on your way to being a great parent. We hold ourselves sometimes to a unattainable standard which can prevent you from a realization of achievement and success in being the foundation of a growing and thriving little human. My 5cents worth as a Dad
She hit the nail on the head.. 4 months pp and she precisely described my experiences.. and happy to know I'm not the only one experiencing these.. Love for this tribe of women..
I'm only 8 weeks pregnant and already feel overwhelmed and anxious about this whole process and wondering if I'll be able to be a good mom when I know I'll be so tired and sleep deprived. So thank you for somehow rationalizing this absolutely crazy time
Sleep with the baby and take naps with the baby. I did this and I didn’t feel tired. I researched it and it is safe if you are not obese or on certain medications
I noticed that since I picked up hobbies and mommy friends I’m so much happier. She was pretty hard on me the first year but my love for her got us through. Her hugs are the most amazing thing in the world but sometimes I need a break to refill my mommy gas tank.
I'm noticing a lot of mothers questioning their parenthood or what they did while pregnant. Ladies YOU CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH. We are all looking for guidance just like our babies are looking for it. You never know what's right for your baby because all babies are different. I ended having to experiment different methods of sleep training because my child would take a while to fall asleep and would only sleep 45 minutes to an hour most the time. It takes time and effort, my sister told me and it does. It's not easy. No one said it would be. Eventually your baby adapts to your routine and it gets more and more better for you both but do not expect the first 3 months to be easy because within that time they are learning how to sleep and when to sleep and how to put themselves to sleep. Don't feel guilty. It's not worth the time. Sometimes you will feel like an awful mother but the only thing that would make you an awful mother is if you gave up and abandoned your baby. Be proud. As women we work hard to do these things. If anything instead of being mean to ourselves, just give yourself a pat on the back for making it through the day.
Based on recent brain research, I would add an extra T to the GIFT acronym - Talk! Language develop occurs through the social interactions between parent-caregiver and the child. It is through language that children build more brain connections leading to stronger thinking skills, problem solving skills, and social/emotional skills.
This is incredibly helpful at the moment, and perhaps forever. We're currently enduring the newborn phase (3 weeks) and he's ultra fussy. We find ourselves constantly reaching for solutions and reassurance and this video/talk gives me hope and catharsis with a fresh perspective.
I have twins in initial days it was very hard to manage every thing and I feel depressed about everything but after few days I realized that it's all in my head and as you said it's all about ourselves your advice really helped me thanks a lot.
Parenting is the most challenging task. It grows you as well along with your kids. there will always be contradictions between parents and kids. as a parent you may fail and feel like giving up many times. I will recommend reading a book " Mom Dollar Money" by angela Reuss, its the best parenting book i have read so far.
Thank you so much for this. Baby has been going through a sleep regression and hasn't been moulding to what we think he should he doing. I ended up frustrated, exhausted and sending him by my in laws (I'm also dealing with mild ppd). He's on his way back to me now and I promise to try giving him the GIFT and letting him just be a baby
I so needed this. I am expecting my first child and I'm nervous how I will be. My hubby works all day until late at night, six days a week... so I worry that I will feel like a single mom. I already feel the pressure of high expectations for myself and know my role probably won't be appreciated like I was as a career woman. I am going to shift my focus to GIFT and let myself go with the flow.
Dear Sophie, I wish you a wonderful beginning. Our greatest luck as parents is that our children offer us continuous opportunities to fall in love with them. You will experience your baby trying to connect with you again and again, even if you feel stress. you will flow into love, even when it is hard...(:
What a child will remember is whether or not you cared. My mother feels guilty about "mistakes" she made with me decades ago. I don't even remember the stuff she is so stressed over and feels so guilty about.
I did 8 years of Sales before I had my baby. Before being a mum my whole week was about KPIs. It was stressful but when you hit your KPI it was super satisfactory. You can calculate the incentives by the amount of work you put in. My whole life was dominated by numbers. So when I had baby, guess what No quantitative measurement of the effort I am putting. No ROI. It drive me crazy. I was confused all the time. I kept having this anxiety that I was doing something wrong. I made an excel chart to track my babies feeding and pooping. Lol My mum told me to relax. She said that if they cry than that means they are either hungry or wet or sometimes they just want to cry. Hold them love them and forget the rest. I was scared that if I hold him too much he will get used to it, but my mum said that this moment will pass so soon and I will regret that I didn’t hold him enough. And it was so true.
Let me tell you I was basically feeling and doing the same things as you described. I keep track of my baby's feeding, sleeping, pooping. I got anxiety feeling like I was doing something wrong or my baby had acid reflux, colic...I was worried that I held my baby girl for too long. I was crazy for the first 6 months 😰 I feel much better now and ready for baby no2, my baby is 14 months old now btw. I think this 2nd time around will be better 🤞
@@sumipun5856 same here, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who gone through something like this. Thank you for posting this comment! Wish you and your family all the best!
As a first time parent, this is so helpful and reassuring. Thank you. And the comment section is so thoughtful and useful too. great video and community section.
I talk to my baby a lot from the start,she spoke early and I wasn't as stressed. BUT I try only to say positive things to her,"no" was Okay but not negative comments.
This is great, especially go. It is so true. Babies need to Goooo. Although I do think F should be Fresh air. Whenever I bring my unsettled baby out into fresh air outside, they always seem to feel peaceful. Watching the world around them. Or when my kids got hurt and they are crying hysterical. I step out side hot or cold, rainy too. And they just shut it down. Its amazing.
Check out the book by Dr. Ted Nugent, "Your baby is speaking to you. Ninety (90%) percent of human communication is non-verbal in both directions." It is why I do what I do, teach "Baby Whispering." I have three courses that help those first couple of years. Sign Language, watching their body language un understanding combine with Infant Massage (healthy touch that releases oxytocin in both the baby and the parent) dramatically supports the bonding and connection. I just love her talk!
While 3months pregnant I do for the most part consider myself pretty much prepared for baby pretty soon:-) This preparedness is not based on my lawyer’s career, but on 15years of active preparation/reading and practical experience with kids! It shocks me to see that this lady and all my colleagues think they are prepared for baby BECAUSE they’ve had a successful career for ten years, a husband and a car!!!??? That just goes to show how UNprepared they are, because the more control and effectiveness they have in life the harder the baby years will become. I wonder, would they prepare for a pilot exam by flying airplanes or by getting married?
okay, lady who is pregnant and never had a child of her own. dont think anyone should take advice from a non parent, whether u worked in day care or not
xoxXOXO just cause someone has a child it doesn’t automatically mean they know what they’re doing! You need to educate yourself about human development and child growth by reading and researching. Each child is different but science is constant.
Thank you, I could not agree more. That’s exactly what I meant by “15years of active preparation/reading and practical experience with kids” in my first comment. About 100 books did not make me a perfect mom. But over time I became a prepared one. So happy that I held on tight to my own intense childhood years that were full of love, laughter, understanding, nature, real experiences, creativity and all day free play with open ended materials. Can’t wait to prepare this environment for Alex and get to know him
It's gonna be harder for you...my career is in elementary education and I spent years working in daycare and my biggest challenge was the ego getting hit repeatedly.
🎯 Key points for quick navigation: 00:12 *🤱 First-time parenting challenges* - High need babies can be a shock to parents used to a certain lifestyle. 02:09 *🧠 Psychological impact of new parenthood* - Parents can experience feelings of inadequacy and anxiety when facing challenges. 04:03 *🚼 Reasons for parenting struggles* - Lack of previous experience with babies creates challenges. - Conflicts arise due to differing lifestyles between parents and babies. - Fear of making mistakes and the pressure of parenting responsibilities contribute to stress. 06:06 *🤯 Challenges of measuring success as a new parent* - Parenting doesn't have clear milestones or measurements of success. - Being constantly interrupted can be frustrating for career-oriented individuals. 08:46 *❤️ The GIFT method for new parents* - The GIFT method (Get moving, Inhale, Feed, Touch) can help parents manage stress and connect with their babies. - Focusing on self-care and understanding one's emotions is crucial for new parents. Made with HARPA AIs
I didn’t care about people’s opinion. I knew my baby and myself and I co-slept. You think back in the day cavewomen left their babies to sleep alone in their own cave?!! No! They co-slept!!!
Right?! It's terrible to see so many mothers and fathers put their young baby in a bed of their own, let alone leave them in a different room for the night - without any body contact during sleep.
@@t.r.1457 It's "terrible"? What's terrible is rolling over onto your baby and increasing SIDS risk. Just because it didn't happen to your baby doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Also, to the original comment, please don't use cavewomen as a barometer for good parenting. Infant mortality even 15 years ago was significantly higher. I'll pass on co-sleeping.
Bedsharing is extremely dangerous. The CDC has statistics about this. It is one of the number one causes of SIDS typically due to suffocation. Yes it would be so much easier to sleep with the baby on the bed, but it puts the baby at risk of suffocation and as parents we must sacrifice comfort to keep them safe.
Parenting is terrifying.. maybe because I study psychology and early childhood education! I'm truly debating if I want children. We're overpopulated and not having children sounds selfish to society. However, having kids also sounds selfish since none of us asked to be here. I'm a teacher, maybe I should stick with my career. I have the opportunity to see children grow and learn without them being mine.
For someone who brags about working in education!... I wonder what is the difference with the parents in developing and developed countries?!!.. They are human beings too arent they?!.. She talks about technology and material advantages those dont have anything to do with raising a baby.. Raising a baby is a strictly related to human interaction.. This woman had a perfect material life before having a baby.. Guess what having a child is beyond that and anything we could think so dont make a difference in between ppl in one part of the world thatn the other we are all the same and the work of raising a baby and the feelings we experience are the same for all parents... She should educate herself on being a human being
Well I hope that like any healthy spirited mother you would be proud of her even if she did not have children. If she had told you that she wants to focus on her career, travel, date or live her life to the fullest without kids I do hope you would've been proud also. As a mother. Because as long as you are fertile, making babies is easy. Raising them is another story. Women tend to live in a fairytale world posting about their kids on FB flaubting it just like the Watts did and look what behind closed doors happened. You cannot assume life is perfect by looking at what people post. Of course they only post the good stuff. Women are free now. We are not baby making machines. We can adopt. Take our own decisions and still be strong and hard working. This world is insane. Tons of kids need to be adopted. We don't need to make more babies. It's selfish.
"We adore but we are at war" Wow. So because you can't watch TV like you wanted you are at war with your child? And everything you try to do is ruined by your baby? Honestly, this approach sounds like selfish parenting
Most of this is coming from being spoiled and having 'first world problems.' Like not being able to make a salad, or pluck your eyebrows, or watch tv. We americans are used to getting what we want and living nicely (at least most of us). Maybe get a puppy first and tend to its needs before you have a baby so you learn to not be so selfish
Further Into The Rabbit Hole You're exactly right. Our developed world is so very selfish, but that can end with us. Especially those parents who are watching this video trying to be better parents. We can teach our children to be more selfless. Learning to be selfless after 30+ years of being selfish is very difficult, but we can learn as our children learn it and strive to build better communities everywhere.
Further Into The Rabbit Hole you sound like you don't have kids. Having kids doesn't mean you should be okay with losing your identity. It's shitty to have absolutely nothing left of yourself at the beginning. That's not selfish. That's human. It's very, very human. It's not all about who's spoiled and who's perfect, or whatever you think is the alternative. What the hell do you expect from a new parent?
Karmen Fox she just used plucking eyebrows as an example from her view. It could be anything. I know sometimes I'd like to poop by myself, we all have dreams you know. I'll take the sacrifice, as at this point I have 5 children, I know I will miss it when it's over and I know it will go faster than my brain can fathom. So I cherish it. However you can't know that as a new parent. And it's more than just plucking eyebrows. I know for myself it's challenging to take care of my health needs with a newborn to take into consideration and work around. Feeding myself, doing the yoga that I need to repair my body from a difficult birth of a giant baby, bathing myself, brushing my teeth. It's all harder. That's not first world.
Humans are naturally selfish that’s what kept us alive, it’s when our selfIshness threatens someone else is when it’s too much. Also being selfless isn’t always a good thing either. There needs to be a balance
I have got appreciation from my husband for being expert in using diapers and tissues efficiently... Becoz all they want value for money they have earned...
I'm so glad i heard about high needs babies pretty soon after having my girl... i thought i was taking crazy pills...I'd never seen a baby like this! I was so happy to know it was a "thing" so i wouldn't have to wallow in thinking I was doing something wrong. She is fabulous... but a high needs baby will show you what youre NOT going to do!
I relate to this so much. The first 6 months were the hardest adaptation period I've ever experienced. To become a mother is almost to go through metamorphosis. My son was "high needs" also. He was born looking around, blue eyes wide open, taking in everything. The nurses called him "bright eyes" which is coincidentally something my husband called me in our very early days 🤍 You want an alert baby...my son met all of his milestones early and at 16 months old is the happiest, cuddliest, and smartest baby I've ever known. He plays independently. He can problem solve. He amazes me. And he's still just as alert lol 🤣 he literally doesn't stop moving until he sleeps, his energy gives me energy!
I'm 7 months pregnant and freaking out about this. But this helped. I realise it will be hard and different. But I will find a way to get through this.
@@ConscienceLearner well I'm doing fine. But also in the first year I had a burn out. And I got diagnosed with autism. So it doesn't mean that you won't be able to cope. I have learned to re arrange my life and I'm doing good now. You can too!
9 months pregnant and already crying and feeling guilty....did I talk to my baby enough? Does he feel loved, did my stress affect him to much? I keep forgetting to take my vitamin...I am already a terrible mom, I feel guilty for being tired of being pregnant.
Regulargirl Anonymous almost eight months and feeling similar things! already feel like a failure! :/ especially feel guilty about stress while pregnant etc
Regulargirl Anonymous that's the opposite of what you should be feeling! By this time your baby may be barely born. There's still SO much time for you to do those things. Learning this now and not 9 months ago should not deter you from doing the best you can for your baby NOW. Just start now, be positive, listen to your instincts, and move forward.
I am pregnant and have stress through my job which concerned me but the fact that you are concerned & working on it means you are already a good parent. My doctor said when your baby is born, they will learn from your facial clues and you will teach them how to deal with stress and that they are loved by smiling at them. She said smiling at your baby often will help them a lot.
I'm already 22 weeks pregnant. Right now I am anxious about how to take care of the future little creature. Her experience brings tears to my eyes and also encourages me to embrace my boy and become a good mother. Thank you very much!
Fantastic talk! I have run into a very frustrating rut with my toddler recently, and we need to reboot our schedule so that we are both happier. Thank you for this information.
Great tips! 👶🏻👏🏼 The one things I hate the most is sleep training. Parents don't realise that babies are born 9 months early which means that once they are here, the beginning is like another stage of pregnancy. Touching them and making them feel safe will prevent an anxiety in the future. We just want to control too much.
@5:00-10:00 Hearing this portion, I looked to see possibly how old the video was. Such a difference in the perception and state of being women present now from 7-10 years ago.
What u spoke is exactly what happened with me. Same lifestyle that u had, i had. Same like you, no experience with babies. N same pain n screwed up after my first!!! No guidance. Totaly with our self.
