What Happens When You No Longer Play Into A Narcissist's Games

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When you've had repeated exposures to a narcissist, weariness settles in as you think: "I can do better than this." Dr. Les Carter details how necessary it is to reclaim your good mannerisms so the narcissist is no longer setting your pace. He describes 5 distinct adjustments you can make to show that you are no longer willing to be manipulated and treated poorly.
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20 июн 2021

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Комментарии : 2,7 тыс.

@RepentfollowJesus 3 года назад

Once you get them out of your life, your high blood pressure goes down ! 😊

@cellard00r60 3 года назад

GERD, HBP, weight, skin, sleep, migraines, insomnia, exhaustion- all improved in the past year after going NC ♡ finally giving yourself the peace and kindness you deserve is priceless ♡

@456inthemix 3 года назад

😂🤣

@venusvalenciano3570 3 года назад

I always watch your videos it really helps me a lot having a husband with NCST is really exchausting ive been struggling for 9 years with 2 kids..now i have a guide and Prayer is a big help,God is my strenght...

@456inthemix 3 года назад

@@venusvalenciano3570 "How to break the boomerang relationship cycle" psychology today

@lynnemenard5910 3 года назад

And the amount in your bank account(s) goes up! :-)

@catalinaamzi 3 года назад

My heart goes out to all of the narc victims that didn’t have a platform like RU-vid/Internet ❤️ I can’t imagine….

@sarahs5340 3 года назад

Amen 🙏🏻 you don’t know how many times I have thought that very thing. These PhD’s on YT saved my bacon 🥓

@rhiannoncarino2603 3 года назад

These channels helped me in ways I never imagined. It’s truly a blessing to have these intelligent creators who provide excellent information and different point of views.

@staciwhite1256 3 года назад

I’m grateful to have this information now, I only wish that the handful of therapists I’d tried had known to apply NPD abuse to my issues 20 years ago when I sought help for it. Instead, I blamed myself for my own abuse for decades and self isolated. I feel free after having learned about NPD, it’s answered so many questions and resolved so many red flags I noted about my abusers’ behaviors during childhood (went no contact instinctively because I hated myself around specific people). Finally starting to be a whole person and live my life peacefully.

@CD-DMV 3 года назад

YES. All this free therapy 24-7. The internet is good for somethings 😊

@staciwhite1256 3 года назад

@@CD-DMV Yes! I know my insurance didn’t cover any therapists who were able to help me as much as these videos do!

@IsabellsNannyRuby 3 года назад

Never ever show a narcissist weakness when you’re down they will throw you under the bus

@peacefaith560 3 года назад

yesss

@Iloveyoutwotootwo 3 года назад

😔

@MJ-qb5ph 3 года назад

Totally. Why do they do that?

@javiervidal366 2 года назад

@@MJ-qb5ph one way for them to feel superior (pride) is for others to fail. Any weakness will be used against you sooner or later. If you lose your job or tragedy happens, that is the perfect time to strike to maximize your pain.

@MJ-qb5ph 2 года назад

@@javiervidal366 or your mother is dying and you fly from the other side of the world and they force you to stay with them then do the discard. They are sick and I can’t believe I used to feel sorry for them. Thanks for your accurate explanation

@mrsmarisilvie 2 месяца назад

"AWARENESS turns into KNOWLEDGE which then turns into POWER". This is so real. The more you know the least they can get to you.

@SurvivingNarcissism 2 месяца назад

Well stated!

@wifferstess2824 3 года назад

You finally start having a sense of normalcy and feel your own energy returning.

@theresabeville4420 3 года назад

That will be a very good day.

@Moonstruck212 3 года назад

Yes..I'm in that zone..and love it

@nanannyse 3 года назад

So true!

@rainrainlsn 3 года назад

Exactly

@Jessica-so5vw 3 года назад

I'm waiting patiently

@HRB431 3 года назад

Zero contact is the only way to reclaim your joy. Raised by a narcissistic mother, I attempted a reunion after thirteen years and was shocked at how immediate the fall into the old, abusive behaviours was. Back to zero contact, and this time I am guilt-free. You are ALWAYS better off alone.

@Elizabeth-yg2mg 3 года назад

Same--I was completely cut off for 15 years, went back, was horrified, left again with no regrets or second thoughts this time. They are impossible.

@hissyfitz7890 3 года назад

@Lori Rose Briggs - 🥂 🍻 🥂

@helenteichroeb9610 3 года назад

At this point it works for me to have contact with my mom, who trained me up for my 40 year marriage to another one worse than her. Because of teaching from people like Dr Carter this past year, I feel no pain from her anymore, but I’m not sure yet about my ex. My desire is to maintain good contact with everyone, but with him it doesn’t look like it will be possible. I’m just so thankful for having understanding now. A good life is ahead! And the one I had before was also valuable as it made me who I am, whatever that is, now.

@marjoriemascheroni8034 3 года назад

I agree with you

@allisonnovak500 3 года назад

I went full no contact with my mom 30 years ago. Didn’t know about NPD back then, but chose to cut her off for my sanity and safety. Best decision ever.

@Niles-Guy 2 года назад

Before you decide to no longer play the narcissist game, make sure you have an exit strategy in place because narcissist injury is a real thing . They will plot your downfall and come after you when you are most vulnerable or unprepared.

@lovelylife1896 2 года назад

Yep. That's why I'm existing quietly

@wandah9468 2 года назад

Good advice Niles Guy. All of that is true. It's hard to imagine one of these people, even some you've known a long time, might threaten your life. Smear campaigns serve to dehumanize the victim, therefore giving tacit "permission" to plot true evil. And gives the originator(usually someone who once was close to you) plausible deniability. It's all about your demise.

@ursamagickmt672 2 года назад

It's absolutely true! Mine is trying to take away my house. 🏠 Me: Ukraine 💣 Him: Putin Tired after 24 years of⛽💡ing.

@kimartist 2 года назад

Not every narcissist relationship is romantic, or familial. I've had female "friend"/neighbor narcissists try to zoom in on me. I had to cut off a female artist "friend" that was trying to take over & run my life. I also had to cut off an elderly female neighbor who was doing the same thing - I no longer speak to her & I told her in no uncertain terms to stop trespassing on my property! 🤨 She's been more problematic, as she apparently is the type to file false reports with various agencies... it's a small town though & I think people are starting to catch on to what she's doing, tg.

@teresadvorak6145 2 года назад

My narc sister attacked me over the phone when I was in the mental hostpital. The nurse hung the phone up on her

@maggiedivine4856 3 месяца назад

I thought I was going crazy! He called me unstable and I had the impression I was losing my mind. That gaslighting, lies, reverse psychology was a level of evil that I never expected.

@Marina-rc7px 3 года назад

There needs to be a Narcissist Awareness Month 🚨

@hissyfitz7890 3 года назад

It JUNE; when most people marry the con artists. 😉

@Qd322 3 года назад

Lol!!! These comments are hilarious ( really sad) but I'm sure it's because I truly can relate

@kathyadair8552 3 года назад

Just recently, there was a Narc. Abuse Awareness Day! ~ Like, in the last 3+ weeks. 💩💥😈

@ms.newcomerteacher6554 3 года назад

Let’s do it! Maybe April because it’s Spring, a time for new beginnings! A big “treat yo self” month for being a great person who thrived after narc abuse.

@joanramsey4002 3 года назад

@@kathyadair8552 Govt's are N's too.....lock down, new variant. Lift restrictions, lock down, new variant. Build up hopes, knock you down. Want a holiday? We'll give you a list and we'll change it. Go to a funeral? Can't console the bereaved. Forgive me if I put Govt's on the list of N's, they love the power that we gave them!

@LIVdaBrand 3 года назад

When you are doing well and are shining despite them, they HATE that lol.

@charlottemuller2233 3 года назад

It’s all about them !!!!!

@charlottemuller2233 3 года назад

They want you down and sick!

@WDBDWK 3 года назад

I’d say it’s more of a chemical survival need than a “want”.

@filmaker256 3 года назад

You better believe it

@rhondamarecek 3 года назад

My narc said to me a few days ago,"how is it that you can make healthy immediate friendships with what appears to be effectively? " what does that mean$

@carospereman3537 3 года назад

"Awareness turns into knowledge, then knowledge becomes power" I like this a lot.

@Octobergirl85 3 года назад

Sadly, the narcissist won't leave you in peace, they'll leave you in pieces.

@m.l.h2057 3 года назад

Whether he leaves you in peace or in pieces is up to you.

@user-qt1le6ih6i 3 года назад

They leave you in pieces, but finally we go on to live in peace x

@racebannon96 3 года назад

When I finally got her out of my house and ended it, she went on a smear campaign. She was prepared. She got into my address book and contacted family members, close friends, Ex-s, and co-workers. When her smear campaign failed, she went to my work and made criminal allegations against me. I was cleared but it was 5 months of Hell. After 14 years, she still harasses me by signing my email address to computer spam, porn sites, and all kinds of raunchy dating hook-up sites. It never ends with some of them. Take care of yourself and never have contact with them again.

@bobbydigital5236 2 года назад

Nope! Dont let a narc do that to you!

@brianjcpierson8534 2 года назад

Listen to what this guy is saying.......I lost my battle because I let the anger get to me after being told almost daily “you always happy” she changed my whole personality, I ended up in a mental hospital cause she said I was bi-polar, lost my career I had since 2006 cause she spoke with the secretary and the President weekly Still can’t believe what someone is cable of, someone who showed them nothing but love Please don’t let it happen to you, it’s horrible.....I did lose the battle, there are no winners or losers, I had 6 year old twins when she asked for the divorce They lost the most, and are still losing....... I will win that battle just by being the person I am....... I will also win the battle if I continue to be the person I am She, she will sit on the couch ignore her very own children, then hop skip and jump when friends are involved and just happen to take the kids with her I’m so worried about who they will become because of her influence

@jodycasey6936 3 года назад

Do you know what happens when you no longer play into a narcissist’s games, all while you begin to take accountability for your own self? You get your life back! Great way to start my week Dr. C! Thanks for this.

@SurvivingNarcissism 3 года назад

Good words, Jody. Dr. C

@rbnutwood4659 3 года назад

They love (!) your dependence on them. Don’t allow it to happen as it’s a mighty big trap 🥴

@margaretholland671 3 года назад

Your advice is always spot on and very helpful.

@dcpc5980 3 года назад

The most difficult part. Self reflection. 🙌

@peaceangel-rl2hf 3 года назад

Exactly- focus on your own life, ditch the narcissist and never look back. Retrain your brain to snap out of thinking and caring about what the narcissist thinks and feels. Place your attention on how you think and feel and your own life. Meditation brings you back to your Self. Otherwise the narcissist will gradually and insidiously take over your mind and whole life...and you will be their slave. Remember, narcissists are mostly losers. Don't let them drag you down to their level

@jojo3389 3 года назад

The “block this caller” feature works really well for this!

@mombamonday5151 3 года назад

I believe you can also block emails. And, get off all social media. All these options helped me tremendously. Be well. 🙂

@n.r.7298 3 года назад

This made me snort while laughing. I needed that - than you. 🙂

@katybrooke0724 3 года назад

🙌❤ yessss!

@beccareynolds4625 3 года назад

👏👏👏

@lynx70123 3 года назад

55 years old and finally blocked my mom about 3 weeks ago.

@ritasmoot1823 3 года назад

When I left my husband of sixteen years.... I felt EMPOWERED and FREE. I learned MY WORTH!!

@G3.9-6 3 года назад

🥳💯

@iamarethaLynette 2 года назад

Recently left my husband of 16 years. I'm ok.

@dvawva5197 2 года назад

I weep for the people who have passed away never knowing what they were dealing with. Much appreciation Doc!! ...and Little Laura. 😊

@universalseeker Год назад

I completely agree with your statement. It's a really sad cold reality.

@alannatiernan61 8 месяцев назад

My friend Tammy passed away and her on again off again bf was a narcissist. I would have loved to see her walk away and not look back before she passed. He would hold her keys from her so she couldn't get to work or be late, gaslight her, cheat, tell her she was fat etc. Just so deregulated. RIP Tammy. You're free now.

@littleiodine9480 6 месяцев назад

My Son 😢

@Hugging_Cactus 3 года назад

‘why do i need to defend (myself) for being a good person’ We Don’t.

@charlottemuller2233 3 года назад

NO WE DONT !

@dishish 3 года назад

wow this resonated. the previous man I dated used to put me down for being kind and compassionate and caring to people.

@kellyperez2543 3 года назад

@@dishish so sad

@Gina-777 3 года назад

Perfectly stated, NazKool.

@BAKER22-l4u 2 года назад

EXACTLY

@SierraNovemberKilo 3 года назад

The best defence is not to care. The attitude of "So what?" Really gets at them. Smile as you do it. It's hilarious!

@johnnyb1776 3 года назад

I do the same thing when she’s coming for her supply. I just smile, give it a huh how bout that, and walk away. The look on her face is priceless!

@redrobin7638 3 года назад

You are dead on correct! After I learned who he was, my strategy that I adapted was apathy - he no longer pushes my buttons... I've got his number and he will never again control my emotions or my life. I'm stuck in this marriage so I have decided to use his weaknesses to my advantage.

@baateyero2365 3 года назад

@@redrobin7638 why are u stuck? Why would you subject yourself to living with someone like that?

@TEJ11 2 года назад

@@ellemorgan1331 you are correct. Not every victim gets a chance to escape immediately, while we have been destroyed to the ground, both financially and health wise..... We need time to recover.... At times we have no family support also, the same way as I am stuck

@TEJ11 2 года назад

@@baateyero2365 Not every victim gets a chance to escape immediately, while we have been destroyed to the ground, both financially and health wise..... We need time to recover.... At times we have no family support also, the same way as I am stuck

@salliegallegos918 3 года назад

They are always right and project their insecurities onto others. Don’t walk, run!

@tickety-bootoyou1850 2 года назад

1. Emotional detachment. 2. Rearrange your anger style. 3. Rearrange your defensive posturing. 4. Reinforce your belief in your inherent decency. 5. Find your place of steadiness & Peace.

@jenniferwho9895 2 года назад

That you!

@mariaawake4502 3 года назад

It is true, since I started learning about narcissism 11 months ago, I feel much better. No longer do I get "baited" into fruitless arguments or pulled into the pointless drama the narcissist likes to create. I understand now, that a narcissist does not want to solve interpersonal problems in a sincere way, but always uses trickery to manipulate ,exploit and dominate.

@mrbruce7401 2 года назад

That is a good part of knowing because the confusion kind of stop,s when you start to learn & realize

@bwin783 2 года назад

I have practiced emotional detachment - I rarely converse-they constantly engage or attack me - but they are not even smart enough to recognize I no longer pay attention. one in family and work with one. So grateful NOT to care anymore!!! I have so much PEACE now. I have to be around them, but I don’t have to let them get in me! Thank God!!!

@AZDC99 2 года назад

There's NOTHING like seeing the STEAM pouring out of their ears as you refuse to engage into the fruitless argument. They try to hide it. But you can SEE IT (or hear it) in their micro-expressions that they're trying to hide

@ross2714 2 года назад

They love to pick fights !!

@funlovinbloke6266 3 года назад

When you are not playing their games anymore get set for very nasty confrontations. Silent treatment is one of the tools they use. You don't hear from them anymore for a short or long time. Or they are going to use gossip to give you a bad name. They leave and go for new supply. The best is to cut your losses if you have them and move on. Life is too short and we deserve so much better than living with a narcissist.

@cymbolichuman433 3 года назад

I use the tools they use to let them sulk and I live in peace.

@treelover1050 3 года назад

I WENT NO CONTACT 20 MONTHS AGO. THESE PEOPLE ARE FULL OF BS AND SUCH INFLATED ENTITLEMENT. THEY MAKE ME LAUGH.

@JerseyNurse78 3 года назад

Exactly. First they attack and criticize your character then they disappear out of existence and leave you wondering wth just happened. Before I knew what I was dealing with, it affected me to the degree of physical illness. Its happening again right now but I'm aware of what I'm dealing with. It makes a world of difference.

@tjkasgl 3 года назад

Amen! This is the truth!

@healthychick9450 3 года назад

Can't have nasty confrontations when your number is changed and no one knows it!!! I did that and all the drama went away.

@flyingeaglewoman8682 3 года назад

My attitude now “You don’t like me? Give me a moment to get over the tragedy”. As Dr. C says- we don’t loose anything by letting go of a narcissist, we actually add to our lives by way of peace! I say this from personal experience having been married to one.

@micheleshively8557 2 года назад

Same here. 20 plus years until I realized who he really was, gone and Happy now

@flyingeaglewoman8682 2 года назад

@@micheleshively8557 lovely to hear! Never give up, never give in and sacrifice yourself at the whim of another.

@taraarrington2285 Год назад

Who cares if they don't like you? They don't like themselves.

@flyingeaglewoman8682 Год назад

@@taraarrington2285 Bingo

@frankiemorgan8056 Год назад

Vile creatures

@waynescaller8833 3 года назад

When you stop playing the narcissist games and leave them it's truly a fresh breath of air and all your energy and freedom comes back to feel free to come and go as you please

@donnabrewer6968 2 года назад

I would love silence for even a few days but he never shut s up

@dawngarcia9586 2 года назад

Amen to that

@catherinegregory7940 3 года назад

“Addition by subtraction”. I like that.

@jach.9138 3 года назад

Me too!

@janprovily1138 3 года назад

Like less is more....

@theritz1265 2 года назад

I wrote that down too. In CAPS!! It’s awesome.

@split_jcgg9613 3 года назад

What happens is you level up big time and you are finally cured.

@TLW369 3 года назад

...This! 👏

@yuppy-gr4qj 2 года назад

For 1 your very lucky.

@kelleymcbride4633 2 года назад

There is no conversation that will improve a relationship with a narcissist, just walk away.

@Jen-nb4tb 29 дней назад

@@kelleymcbride4633 thank you for saying walk away

@Hewi_G 26 дней назад

No talk.

@sarahs5340 3 года назад

What happens when you no longer play narcissistic games? You must be “no contact”, because if you are around a narcissist then the games never end. Go gray rock and distance distance distance. Knowledge is power. Just get away as quickly and safely as possible.

@user-qt1le6ih6i 3 года назад

Absolutely. Get out and stay out and go no contact, otherwise the games never end.

@DartmoorPaul Год назад

So true. As when I stopped playing my mother’s narcissistic game and went grey rock she turned up at our house and sat outside for 3 hrs!

@j7o7e7l7l 3 года назад

Narc told me "you gonna really feel it now" when I said something they didnt like. As if they gonna put me on some type of silent treatment mode for the 100th time🤣

@steppenwolf3252 3 года назад

My Narc told me, "Ok you've done it now", (I said something unliked too), "I'm going to be surly all day.." OMG! He was in his mid 50's when he told me this. What a dark, immature way to live. Of course, always behind closed doors. Outdoors, he was slick, superior, smug & smartest person in the room (UGH!)

@cymbolichuman433 3 года назад

Yeah... I respond with OK...oh well...my bad...uh huh...whatever and this I got watching the "Chad" character on SNL. This helped me...

@RJ-fs3mj 3 года назад

My ex wife always use to say "I win, you lose"

@truthexposed839 3 года назад

😆

@itistheway1911 3 года назад

Mine said I was gonna regret it... that he deserves better...ha ha...I said good I'm happy for you! Better her than me

@Qd322 3 года назад

As a SURVIVOR of Covert Narcissistic soon to be ex husband, channels like these are therapeutic as well as the comments. No matter how much I try to explain to those who just don't understand what I've been dealing with for over 20 years. They just don't get it no matter how many times I explain or give scenarios, it' becomes so frustrating, like I'm alone, but when I listen and read the comments it's like a sigh of relief because y'all understand. Some of the comments are so spot on, I would've thought I typed it myself. It's just such a relief to know that others really know what I've been dealing with. So, Thank You.

@Kookka_ 3 года назад

Yes. We’re the only ones who truly understand because we have been there, done that. Wishing you so much peace! I finally divorced my Narc and it feels wonderful! Unfortunately I have to co-parent with him which isn’t fun. He didn’t want the kids but he sure likes the fact that he gets to take them legally away from me every other week. Please take care of yourself as much as possible. You are deserving of love and healthy relationships. Sending you warm wishes for a happy divorce. You got this!

@pkc3168 3 года назад

I only WORKED with a narcissist and I'm left angry and drained by her even now To top it off my mother is also a covert narcissist.

@dawngarcia9586 2 года назад

I totally agree with you nobody nobody understands what we've been through I don't need my understanding I tried so hard nothing was ever good enough I guess I wasn't good enough

@bobbydigital5236 2 года назад

Trust me, you are not alone!

@bobbydigital5236 2 года назад

@@dawngarcia9586 It doesn't matter what you do, their goal is to put you down and make you feel inferior. The only thing that satisfies them is to see you suffering. Its a game to them!

@pique-nique 2 года назад

I walked away from my mother who had severe NPD. I divorced my husband who had NPD. And when I see a narcissist coming I run as fast as I can away from them. I can divide my life into two parts. First part: Dealing with narcissists and therefore living in hell; and Second part: Meeting and surrounding myself with wonderful, humble and loving people and experiencing true heaven on earth. No regrets.

@suleimankhalfani9530 2 года назад

I love how this man talks .. little humor , jokes , smiles and laughs in between messages .

@SenSakura-dj6bq 11 месяцев назад

He really talks in the exact way your need to treat a narcissist: calm, rational, detached and with a healthy sense of humor.

@geralyngoss5905 3 года назад

I have disconnected with many narcissists from past relationships and work connections. However, it's much harder when they are family members...

@christianpulisic7784 3 года назад

Geralyn Goss,You don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

@mikelouis9389 3 года назад

Nope. Walk away, far away and leave everyone connected to the narc behind.

@johnnyb1776 3 года назад

I’ve been married to one for 32 years. I agree. It’s difficult when you have kids. Many other things come into play as well.

@dbabbit5286 2 года назад

I moved 2100 miles away. My son told me to get as far from them as I could! I had 4 bald tires, and the spare was flat! I got stuck in a little nowhere town for a month, and then finished my trip out in the desert...I was homeless for 6 months, but I found a place to call home, and am volunteering to help the homeless! I live a quiet, stress-free life now, and wish I'd left 30 years ago!

@bereal6590 2 года назад

I get what you're saying...🙋 same boat for many reasons I won't go into but yes I agree with you 😊

@marcirobins5144 3 года назад

Whatever you do, do not make pronouncements of what you're going to do. You're giving supply and will find yourself on their playground. Just carry on in a stealth manner. Save yourself.

@amandaroberts5111 3 года назад

Yes, sharing info just gives them more power, or they use it against you.

@user-qt1le6ih6i 3 года назад

@@amandaroberts5111 Absolutely. Did you tell them about someone you loved very much who passed away and it's the anniversary of their death coming up and you're going to take time out? If so, be prepared for the Narc to up their communications with you, instead of respecting your need for time out.

@Lindy.T 3 года назад

Just say "No, I'm done". Set your boundaries, pull away and go No Contact and find peace of mind again. It took awhile to understand how they operate, but once it becomes clear; you can easily step out of the drama. I'm six months out of no contact, and it's like stopping at picking a scab again and again hoping for a different outcome. Once you stop, you can heal.

@georgedejohn4470 3 года назад

I found that zero contact with them or their flying Monkees, it took a while but my life is so much calmer and drama free.

@RN-mn3jn 3 года назад

When I quit reacting to the narc ex husband's tactics...actually as a survival mode as I had no idea at that time what a narcissist was....he Upped his game...with increased verbal/financial abuse. I became numb to anything he did or said...as I made my plan to get out. He found another victim...we divorced...and I have immense Peace now.

@angelanicoletti3330 3 года назад

R N, My story is very similar.Good for you & that you have immense peace! I'm buckling up for the Divorce. Much healing & Blessings to you!

@RN-mn3jn 3 года назад

@@angelanicoletti3330 Bless you as you go through divorce. Your peace is waiting. I noticed post divorce that my smile was back. I was so beat down I hadn't noticed it was gone☹

@mariasartzis-pellicier1723 3 года назад

Good for you! Congratulations!

@laurawilliams7407 3 года назад

This was my exact story. 41 + years, just barely surviving, stopped reacting at all to him. He only got worse, stepped up his anger, verbal attacks and then finally the physical attack. I didn’t know he was a narc either. I left immediately, went no contact, and we go to court for all his stalling tactics and games in two weeks. I found my smile quickly and enjoy peace every day. The only word that can describe my divorce is relief. Sweet relief.

@RN-mn3jn 3 года назад

@@laurawilliams7407 I'm with you...33 yrs here!! I found my smile again also😊 Good for you getting out! Everyday I feel blessed beyond belief to be free. I feel .....the harder he tried to break me the stronger I became. So in the end....I was stronger than him. He quickly got remarried 😊.

@psb12121 3 года назад

.... you start living your life, happily!!

@jhanimalluvr5932 2 года назад

I hope you do a video about safe escape strategies for people who are in abusive relationships. Many abusers are narcissists and you have to be VERY careful when you leave - that’s when abusers are most dangerous. I’ve been trying to gather what I can, save what I can, and keep working my support network so I have a place to land. Please be careful, people.

@kellibrown2477 2 года назад

So true!!!!!!!! 😢

@justicedaicy 2 года назад

Yes, extremely important. When I left my ex husband, I spent about two months slowly moving my stuff out of the house without his knowledge. My excuse to him when things looked different was that I was just doing some cleaning and re-arranging. I got out everything that was most important to me first, in case I had to leave the rest. Finally, on a day while he was at work, I simply loaded up the rest of my stuff and vanished. He didn't see it coming, and I escaped with my life. Only wish I had done it years earlier. It took many years to heal and recover before I was ready to be in a relationship again.

@jhanimalluvr5932 2 года назад

@@justicedaicy god bless you! I hope you’re in a happy place now.

@samanthabarron8481 2 года назад

My narc is 1800 miles away but I’m still scared of going no contact… gray rock might be a safer bet… make him stop contact. He has a history of violence and substance abuse so it’s more than just a difficult person. Never thought he would hurt me but when they can’t use you anymore!?? All bets are off.

@msredcurtains Год назад

Yes people very true. Use this advice for parents/partners/even bosses etc who are very close quarters to you or if is finances to think about or if the trauma bond is strong. But for friends, acquaintances, etc just do the fade away. Every time the call, message, you’re just too busy, something came up etc etc. but, cut off any people needed! Solitude is infinitely better than soul sucking people.

@aleciawimer8506 3 года назад

This is what the narcissist in my life did when I asked her to take accountability for some of her hurtful actions, and in chronological order (as best as I can remember): 1.) Rage 2.) Deny facts 3.) Blame shift 4.) Smear my reputation 5.) Triangulate 6.) Discard 7.) Hoover with guilt attempt 8.) Smear campaign 9.) Play the victim 10.) Repeat. *All steps were forms of gaslighting.

@LoveNLife700 2 года назад

The one I hate is hoover with guilt trip.

@kostasplafountzis6602 2 года назад

THEY LL DO THE SAME UNDER THE SAME CIRCUMSTANCES.ITS AMAZING HOW ALL NARCS ARE ACTING THE SAME AROUND PEOPLE...

@Nina-vv3ev 2 года назад

YES!

@aijazsiddique8713 17 дней назад

The same exact pattern was demonstrated by the malignant narcissist when I talked about accountability. Its bonkers how they follow this same script. Shaking my head!

@anesasosevic2813 3 года назад

The wounded beast /narc/ is the most dangerous beast. Dr. Carter, I am looking forward to your video!

@SurvivingNarcissism 3 года назад

I hope it resonates! Dr. C

@mgb7140 3 года назад

I describe my N as a cornered rabid Tasmanian Devil.

@gentleasa5728 3 года назад

Exactly ! Know from experience, and I did all the nono’s prior to learning skills. So I had to take the bull by the horns! I’m still standing, but OMG ! I pray y’all learn first!

@iratedwithfrauds5592 3 года назад

Not if you have been able to remove the fangs off. Then they can't do anything to you. That is a rare blessing though.

@WDBDWK 3 года назад

That IS what is happening. Since it is true, the focus changes entirely. Why would anyone fuse with such a parasite? Even more importantly, what family system dynamic did you repeat to do so? Getting into recovery from this kind of dynamic means a terrible chemical withdrawal. We need lots of support, and that can be really hard given that it’s a family system issue (not the narcissist’s family of origin, unless you are using it constructively for the mirror that it has to be).

@MariaSantana-ul5wd 3 года назад

Amen, Dr. Carter. Unhook and stop playing the evil mind games of the narcissist.

@zdh-archives 3 года назад

My narcissist left me alone because I could see right through him and knew I wasn’t playing the games anymore- most of the time I’d call him out and laugh because he was always being ridiculous

@hepzibahbeulah8961 2 года назад

@Zeric... If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them ~ Leviticus 20:13!

@kimlarsson7259 2 года назад

It's such a relief, just stepping out of the game and give up. All I know is: I'm dealing with a narcissist, an uncurable nutjob. I don't have to understand every aspect of this particular nutjob. I have a life to live. Analyzing deeply damaged people in detail, is not part of my life. Narcissists are complex. But my encounters with them don't have to be complex.

@moirabij734 Год назад

Great way to put it. I agree completely... it's not my job to try and figure them out. Enough to know they are deeply insecure and frightened children who cannot or will not change into responsible or feeling adults. I am out and staying out. I actually have notes written down in case I forget sometimes. It's absolutely a wonderful feeling to be free. No contact with ex-husband not yet possible as we share young children. But I have detached completely and see through all the games. My focus is on my healing and personal empowerment. Best wishes to you. 🌸

@vh6657 3 года назад

The game never ends, even when the legal system tries to hold them accountable, nothing but evade, deflect, play dumb, blame shift, smear campaign, triangulate, repeat. It is a game, it is always a game. Best advice, know who and what you are dealing with, when you do, you've already won their game, but you can now sit back and watch the narc from a spectator viewpoint while maintaining your emotional, spiritual, and physical wellbeing. That's all it really is. The game always continues, except you now know it is a game. It's like choosing the "red pill" and waking up from the matrix and seeing the truth. The matrix continues, but you now see it differently. They try to get you (punish, Hoover, etc) but you can see right through it, like their psychopathy is written in text. . .or described in very informative RU-vid channels such as this one. Thank you for sharing the "red pill" of narcissism freedom with me : )

@HRB431 3 года назад

I love the Matrix analogy, so perfect!

@travisstoll3582 3 года назад

Great post.

@vh6657 3 года назад

@@HRB431 thanks! It says quite a bit about the disorder when the only analogies that make sense to us are based on science fiction and fantasy (think Wizard of Oz and the flying monkeys). The narcs live in their own created and fake fantasy worlds, nothing is or was ever real for us. We are the Neo's, Dorothy's and even Alice's of the Narcs Wonderland, Oz, and Matrix. That is until we woke up from it all! I pray you are healing. Much love 💕

@vh6657 3 года назад

@@travisstoll3582 thank you! Pray you are healing 🙏

@HRB431 3 года назад

@@vh6657 Haha, YES it does. Truly is like living in (and then waking up from) an imaginary world of make-believe. I so appreciate your comments and insight! 🙌 💕

@cymbolichuman433 3 года назад

The best advice you can give a person, is also the hardest advice to take. Believing in yourself and what you believe is true and accurate to your memory.

@nasteel1188 2 года назад

Absolutely. Here I am preaching to people no lives matter if you don’t value your own and we need to love ourselves and take care of our personal castles. So how can I preach that and not practice it. And dealing with the current situation I’m in , it is very hard to take your own advice. Seems like a battle worth fighting for. My mother dealt with my dad as a narcissist and I seen all the traits of both my mom and dad. And with all that , first relationship was with one. She one day says I’m leaving out of town and I don’t want you here when I’m back. My son was 3, but I left. It was odd how 7 years later when I have small interactions you can sense she didn’t think I’d leave and wishes she can play games again. After leaving and moving on I met another girl, things got serious had a child and bam! This narcissist came out of left field it sucks to say we split and got back together and three years later it’s happening all over again. My daughter is 4 I love her very much, but I have to love and take care of myself so I can love and take care of her as well. Thanks if you read this.

@toscatattertail9813 3 года назад

They will keep trying to pull you back in, getting more and more malignant/toxic until they 1) reel you in or 2) find someone easier to get the emotional feed they need to be happy. Once you recognize it, don't feel bad for them, don't let them guilt you and don't re-enter their circle, it becomes harder to escape the second time around.

@thecommunity1102 2 года назад

Yep. They create periods of peace after all the turmoil they've bombarded you with. And they'll keep on recycling those 2 periods in order to override your system and break you down and make you a former shell of yourself. Their slave. But nope. Recognize those signs and move on

@Alwaysherethere 3 года назад

The hardest thing I did was walk away. I couldn't take his crap anymore. It took me over a year to finally start feeling somewhat like myself. The whole time with him was so draining it took days to get my strength back. Never Ever again !

@KennethRoy-in3be 3 года назад

Projection, more projection, and the discard is what happened when I controlled my emotions and didn’t feed the monster any longer.

@WDBDWK 3 года назад

This is really important. Don’t feed the animals. Even more than that, it’s objectively true to say “monsters”. That is real.

@WDBDWK 3 года назад

….and they HAVE to do it it they’ll decompensate into narcissistic rage/collapse.

@salliegallegos918 3 года назад

Lol! I know a man at least 11 years older than I am. He’s constantly calling me an old girl and saying things like “us old folks” have to be careful. I call him out. I tell him to speak for himself and to stop projecting. He nearly cries.

@acustomer7216 3 года назад

When I stopped playing games mine started an affair! A blessing because it freed me to spend energy getting divorced instead of "working on my marriage"😂 as Patsy Cline sang: 🎵I've got your picture, she's got you🎵

@SurvivingNarcissism 3 года назад

Patsy...what a great line! Dr. C

@gloriacoleman7012 3 года назад

Really put the pictures away or burn, do you know the song 'Paper Roses'.

@acustomer7216 3 года назад

@@gloriacoleman7012 Good one and perfect! When I cleaned my parent's home after my dad passed I found some of our formal wedding pictures. My dad cut my ex out of them😂.

@charlottemuller2233 3 года назад

Yes,there gone,feel sorry for next women!! She must be weak like we were! We woke up!!

@jesus1stnometh2nd96 3 года назад

😂😂😂😂😂💯

@1stupormundi 3 года назад

Instead of going through all of this with the clown, I mean the narcissist, move out and leave them. Even if you have to encounter some hardships in the beginning. Never put up with something you can change right away. If you know they are like this, then no matter what you do, they will not change: LEAVE! That's how you don't play their game.

@LEESY_XO3 2 года назад

Yes! So true

@globalcitizen2862 2 года назад

The comments on these videos, are a treasure trove of insights, validation and epiphanies! Thank you, each one, for sharing your wisdom🙏🏽

@snicksabea 2 года назад

Truth!

@wandrousvindella716 3 года назад

When you realize you are their victim and you've married the most toxic person in your life. Isolation, control & abuse. Thank you for helping me to survive~

@WindTurbineSyndrome 3 года назад

My elderly friend was,afraid of being alone attracted a woman she is younger got him to sign over half his house took over his bedroom drove all friends amd family away ways critical. Very manipulative Scary

@marinaudovcic4561 3 года назад

More I know about narcissism, more I am becoming aware how pernicous malignant narcissism is. As such, it should be treated much more seriously.

@sing2me 3 года назад

Treated where? They do not seek help for anything wrong with them. They look for you to be blamed.

@PurplePinkRed 3 года назад

@@sing2me Marina is using "treated" as a synonym for "dealt with" in terms of how we approach them.

@sing2me 3 года назад

@@PurplePinkRed approach in what setting?

@Michael_Page 3 года назад

@@sing2me My interpretation is that we should treat it much more seriously in every setting. That is, when you realize you are dealing with a malignant narcissist, be more mindful of the threat they pose.

@jamiedyercville 3 года назад

Agreed. The entire history of human political power is based on it. The more of us who learn how these people operate, the more we, and our kids, can defend against it. www.systemsthinker.com/interests/systemsthinking/humansystems/pathocracy.shtml

@mervyngreene6687 3 года назад

My biggest mistake was that I didn't realize how smart these people are. I think we think that they are not smart because of their insecurities, overbearing behavior, and the way they portray themselves as victims. The truth is that they are geniuses at what they do. That is usually because they have been doing this their whole lives. So, never underestimate them.

@TruthBeTold0914 2 года назад

100% 👏

@mattkowal7060 2 года назад

No, they think they're geniuses. Their insecurities will override any logical thinking they may possess. The only way to win with them is to not play, and leave them on the street at the curb

@thecommunity1102 2 года назад

I'm sorry but as someone who has had an ENTIRE community meaning a multitude of minds coming after me and on top of that they had the help of my immediate family like my sisters and brothers and I figured out their entire plot weeks into the abuse, trolled them for years(still trolling them), and I've gotten so much out of life with little to no effort. As someone who has outwitted my horde of abusers every step of the way and as only a young woman of 21 years of age, I can say that these narcs are not smart. They have waaaaaay too much pride, ego, and they operate on a low frequency. Low freqs. are almost always of a lesser intelligence than people at normal freqs. Or higher. They appear smart but really they're not.

@mervyngreene6687 2 года назад

@@thecommunity1102Just like any other group, not all narcs are the same. Congratulations. I am glad that you survived. I would personally advise you to just leave them alone. For your own sake. You might be beating them at their own game or whatever. But, why are you still engaging with them?

@thecommunity1102 2 года назад

@@mervyngreene6687 you are absolutely right. I have disengaged and I will no longer be playing their game.

@suetipping4841 2 года назад

All I ever felt since I left my narcissist 40 years ago is great relief. Relief And happiness.

@susanmunoz7688 3 года назад

I don’t know how other’s feel, but for me peace is one of the most important things I getting restored in my life, as I have become aware of the truth I realize silence from this person is so much better than the undercurrent of nastiness. I am Enjoying life again as a person that is heartless bring no value to my life.

@AlwaysStampinVideos 3 года назад

That was it for me too, Susan- peace. Plain and simple- peace was missing from our home, from our marriage, from our kids’ thought process, from vacations. It was total chaos. As soon as the narcissist was told to leave, ahhhhh peace was present. Every time we had to make contact- chaos resumed. Now that i am getting better at not playing his game- peace remains insured. It’s great!

@susanmunoz7688 3 года назад

@@AlwaysStampinVideos this is so wonderful to hear! I wish you and your love ones continued peace, joy and happiness, God bless you

@cyndigooch1162 3 года назад

@@AlwaysStampinVideos Good on you and I'm so pleased for you and your precious children! My narcissistic parents stayed together for the children, which caused even more harm to me and my younger sister and brother. ❤

@angelanicoletti3330 3 года назад

@@AlwaysStampinVideos , Amen. We lose our peace we lose our power. Blessings to you!

@WDBDWK 3 года назад

How amazingly simple. The goal is peace!

@debrahelgeson6677 3 года назад

I am worth it! The true disappointment was I wanted not to change him, but to grow together as a couple with love & respect. Didn’t happen, I didn’t understand for quite awhile. Now…my life is mine…. Still sad. I am on team healthy!

@SurvivingNarcissism 3 года назад

You speak on behalf of many who have been on a similar rollercoaster, Debra. Stay strong! Dr. C

@charlottemuller2233 3 года назад

they have no commitment but themselves!! There predators!

@deebee843 3 года назад

Team Healthy 👍🏽

@MyFungal 3 месяца назад

Once they can't control you they can drop you like you never excited

@MandieASMR 3 года назад

I know I’m better off leaving that person behind. It’s so tough cause I feel like I’m mourning someone’s death. I hope the emotional detachment gets easier for me over time. I really cared about him but he never truly cared in return. That’s what hurts most.

@desireeeroyal5313 2 года назад

I feel your pain samething

@MandieASMR 2 года назад

@@desireeeroyal5313 Yeah. I finally left and have been free of him for nearly a month! I feel so much better.

@jeffreyturcotte420 2 года назад

You're mourning the death of "the possibilities" your relationship "could" have been.

@StreetcarDesire 2 года назад

I know how it feels. But so many people do care and will show you mutual respect.

@StreetcarDesire 2 года назад

@@jeffreyturcotte420 Ouch

@PrettyToez07 3 года назад

"Knowledge becomes power!!" Thank you Dr!

@Xaxtarr_Neonraven 3 года назад

There is a great deal of pain when you cannot be yourself around another, that everything must be criticized, even the smallest thing. It's amazing to me that you try to do good by them but their victimization refuses to see your efforts but only sees your flaws. It may take years to recover your sense of competence and recover from the hurt and pain of being involved with someone who, although unqualified, is always ready to analyze you because you are always at fault unless you reflect them perfectly. There comes a time where you need to sever the relationship or suffer the constant fault finding abuse. My question is, why have these relationship problems only recently been addressed? Their defense is almost absolute and runs deep in their personality. If only they could feel the underlying pain and shame. It is often way beyond us to try and change their emotionally destructive behavior without assuming their defense mechanism as part of our own personality. There will never be a resolution unless they seek professional help. You too may need significant support as the projection and gaslighting will erode your own perceptual certainty. We are all vulnerable, but my heart goes out to those who have and are suffering.

@sabrinashaulis6869 3 года назад

This is worded so perfectly. You have totally validated me in a time where I feel very susceptible to going back. Thank you!

@Moonstruck212 3 года назад

@@sabrinashaulis6869 don't go back..it only gets worse!

@onlyluvisreal6691 3 года назад

@@Moonstruck212 it never gets better, never. It ALWAYS gets worse.

@loribuonamici1398 3 года назад

I believe when we die we have a life review, where we have to experience the thoughts and emotions of those we've hurt during this life time. The narcs in our lives will have to suffer this at their review time, as they are forced to feel the exact emotions of their victims which they themselves inflicted upon us. Hopefully, they will learn the lesson that being an absolute shit to people who loved them will teach them a lesson not to abuse their friends for their own nefarious purposes on their next go round on our beautiful planet.

@joanramsey4002 3 года назад

I say that "you are always you" but you have learnt a valuable lesson. Do not people please all the time, you will end up running on empty. It's not pleasant, I've been there, but I have more self awareness now so I won't let it happen again. The anger will subside and then turn to pity as you realise they are ill.

@awakened9906 2 года назад

"Why do I need to defend that what needs no defense?" The #1 key to unhook and be true to yourself. Thank you, Dr. C! It's exactly what I needed to hear this morning.

@DoHisProphetsNoHarm 3 года назад

I see a lot of people complaining or asking questions regarding being discarded. I wish mine would discard me! I swear! He won't leave

@jessicamerced9116 3 года назад

Thats exactly why he won't leave, in any sense of the way, because you want him to. The ones who were discarded did not want their narc to leave. I have mine go back and forth between wanting to leave, go to a bar hangout with friends, anything.. but can't leave me be for longer than 45 mins because now I actually want him to 🙄

@javiervidal366 2 года назад

Exactly, they'll do what causes the most pain. So in a way, you have not care (truly not care) or take proactive steps so that you leave that relationship. If you cant or decide not to leave, then it's about finding peace and being content within yourself and never reacting to their manipulative attempts to get you off balance.

@upsidedownworld5060 3 года назад

My ex narc still tracks me via phone & people to undermine & sabotage all my endeavors but, knowledge of such shenighans perpetrated by him, gives me the courage & strength to move on, unperturbed by such a cowardly weaklin!

@pinkposey8134 3 года назад

get a new phone, new digits, new SIM card. Very easy to do or you are still attached/tethered. Figure out the importance of this, it made me totally free. You are letting him have control.

@upsidedownworld5060 3 года назад

@@pinkposey8134 Oh, l figured that out eons ago, as such, changed my numbers & ensured my IT activities are off limites to him! Never done Facebook or Twitter - ditched WhatsApp when it emerged with Facebook!! Tnx for the tip though.⚘

@loribuonamici1398 3 года назад

A cowardly piece of shit indeed. Never look back UpsideDown World. You're very sanity and emotional well being depend upon it!!!!

@jdaze1 3 года назад

Sounds like a stalker. Report him if it ever freighters you and be careful. These people are mentally unstable.

@sage9836 3 года назад

My experience is the narcissist is at a loss once they sense their target has a solid internal stance of calmness. But whether they loose interest or launch a new attack, I have no idea. It's suspenseful.

@jodycasey6936 3 года назад

This is why Dr Carter and Dr Ramani etc have jobs! They do get really lit up when they sense their target is no longer under their control! These people are sneaky and smart but unfortunately for them, we have angels and incredible people guiding us and helping us to find our way through their abuse! Great comment

@sage9836 3 года назад

@@jodycasey6936 Agreed!🙂

@wolfgang7812 3 года назад

Narcs can and will do; to push the boundaries when you are calm. They can't stand their target being at peace; while they are not at peace themselves.

@jodycasey6936 3 года назад

@@chriswyma145 incredible

@cyndigooch1162 3 года назад

Sage I didn't know how to do the S after your name and it didn't come up to reply with, so I just put Sage, which is a great name! I mainly want to mention that some highly narcissistic individuals do give up on their partners, or other people, and never contact them again, especially if they owe a lot of money, or they're onto them. I know that my last narcissistic ex won't be back for the money reason and he gave away all his secrets too. Lol. In fact, he took off after he saw me when he was back in the city I live in a few years ago. He'd have to be VERY desperate to hoover me again anyway, as he has no problem getting new women, even though he's an older man, due to his charisma and excellent acting skills. I've learnt that most people take others at face value though and tend to automatically trust someone based on friendliness and politeness, so it's best to be more wary. ❤

@louiseventer6580 Год назад

I stopped playing his games and was discarded within a month like a bag of garbage (we were together for 4years)...not knowing that he had his next victim ready and primed for a month already🙄

@kristinbolinder5955 3 года назад

Getting there for the first time in my life. Fifty-three years of continual narc abuse since the day I was born. I'm going to be free!

@user-qt1le6ih6i 3 года назад

Wishing you a free life at last Kristin xx

@elhadjdiallo633 2 года назад

Oh my God sweetheart I'm deeply sorry you have been through all THAT ABBUSED!!!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER SWEETHEART!!! anyone who is going through this symptom may the lord come to rescue them and educated them so that they will never fall prey to the demonic and toxic narcs ....I love people with all my heart but I will never set down and watch anyone ruin my life ever !!!! Take care of yourself !!!!! Bless be with you!!!

@itm4173 3 года назад

I'm 65. For the past 5 years, I've been slowly working thru the layers of what the Ns have really sowed in my life. I refrained from using the words what they've "done" because I'm not "done." Moving from having never even heard the word "boundaries" BPD or N as it related to my family and now in the present day, processing Dr. C's message with reflective understanding is amazing. I'm still reactive but the slips less frequent but for the first time in my life, and that's 65 years, I actually feel like a person and not an appendage of the N or a tool to be abused. I'm learning (because it's a process) tools and practices that sustain this self-growth. Let no one misunderstand, the fallout of a lifetime of abuse and neglect requires careful and sustained lifecare.

@cbdoil3902 3 года назад

I am 63 and married to a narcissist for 43 years. I thought I was the problem until his Mother died 12 years ago and he opened up about the physical abuse by his Father. I never knew what he went through so I confirmed it with both sisters as truth. I immediately told my adult sons so they were aware and wouldn't treat their women in such a manner. Now I take it one day at a time limiting my conversation to only necessary topics.

@dianella2008 3 года назад

You are so right.

@wisecoconut5 3 года назад

Yes it is a process! Don't give up if you feel your journey has become difficult or confusing. Just keep trying and working through your feelings. You will feel better and better as you go.

@RepentfollowJesus 3 года назад

I'm 57 and new to all this. Thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone being older and new to finding out about narcissists.

@itm4173 3 года назад

@@RepentfollowJesus, I'm so glad you've opened the possibilities of learning about yourself. The work is worth it. Working with a therapist was vital however in addition, what I didn't know but came to discover is we learn in community. Find yourself a safe, topic-related group. Do NOT rely on the same family or friends. I've learned a lot from my fellow survivors and I've learned how to one can be supportive without going down with the ship. Best wishes on your journey

@bobtaylor170 3 года назад

What is difficult about denying narcissists the power to harm you with their words is that they instinctively understand the power of words, however baseless, to lodge in the target's subconscious, and to return time and again to haunt that person for the rest of the person's life.

@susanmunoz7688 3 года назад

That is the very reason we must not except their lies as the truth! I refuse to believe them , theses sick people are not going to take what is not their own, my life is happy and healthy! They only have a lie and I am not buying it anymore!

@panoplia5167 3 года назад

@@susanmunoz7688 AMEN!

@panoplia5167 3 года назад

Why would anyone allow another to 'take over their Life, and for LIFE? 🤔

@panoplia5167 3 года назад

It seems this is especially true for children raised by ...

@susanmunoz7688 3 года назад

@Lexi 93 I sorry it’s worked like that for you. That’s not my experience. In fact seeing how they manipulate and outright lied to just about everyone amazed me! So you owe that business? No, he told people we did!!

@gingermaynor495 2 года назад

Everything in this video has been my experience. I like the comment "addition by subtraction". In losing these people, I gained my sense of self and wellbeing. No contact for three years, and hugely beneficial to healing. Life is so much better. Thank you for this video.

@jackilynpyzocha662 9 месяцев назад

Great use of math! :-)!

@ozziecrosby2092 3 года назад

But a narcissist is going to claim that YOU are actually the narcissist. And they will justify it in their own mind. There may even be some of those right in this very comment section... They're also good at playing the victim.

@TacoJ1LL 3 года назад

Agreed. Have family like this unfortunately.

@ozziecrosby2092 3 года назад

@@TacoJ1LL .... Me too!!

@user-qt1le6ih6i 3 года назад

I'm pretty sure this is where the real Narcs get their knowledge from (sites and comments like these). It's how they blind-side us. I would like to think that most commenters are genuinely narc victims / survivors though :)

@kadesworld1631 2 года назад

I use to ask myself "am I the narc"? R my boundaries right? Then I saw videos that stats "if your worried that ur the narc" it shows that ur def not. Because a narc never thinks their wrong at anything and that i have empathy unlike narcs. I think everyday am I hurting our son but the narc uses him as a pawn. Wants some parts of co-parenting but picks & choose what responsibilities they want. Like skipping out on 2wks in a row of picking up his son, but then when he finally feels like getting him he blows my phone up and expect for us to change our plans together to fit his. And never wants to contribute any finances whatsoever towards his son and lies about every thing.

@kookiecanuck 3 года назад

forgiving yourself for having been entrapped and dealing with depression as a result of coercive control is a biggy where a lot is obligation dictated by societal function hostage taking basic survival

@lynnfincham6839 3 года назад

Life becomes a joy 🌸

@SuperPixiechild 2 года назад

I can tell you want happens when you no longer play the game. Statins in your coffee, malicious gossip about you resulting in death threats, stealing your possessions, beating your animals I'm front of you and blaming you publically for their worst mistakes. Don't confront a narcissistic person. Get out quietly and don't look back.

@TC-cr2oy 2 года назад

They go a bit crazy when you refuse to play their games. In my case, they also need to grab control of everything and everyone around you.

@phoenixrising8007 3 года назад

When you no longer play their reindeer games you walk away moving onwards & forwards

@bobbarth801 3 года назад

I’m currently going through this. Since it’s family it’s a tiny bit different. The rage hasn’t begun yet, but I’m certainly anticipating it! Right now it’s all “I’m concerned about you” junk.

@SolamDoit 3 года назад

Me too

@MsYogiCat 3 года назад

Here is some more you can expect: "You've changed, what happened to you? You used to be so nice, who is telling you to think this way, are you being influenced by someone? (insert name of someone who has your back here) is terrible, you need to leave them..., we love you and have done so much for you, how can you be so spiteful? What's wrong with you? After all we have done for you (ummmm they signed up for that when raising a child, it is called being a parent) We are crying all the time at how hateful you have been... And on and on guilting and manipulations your have been trained to respond to from birth. Don't fall for it, this is what you will receive when you go no contact and you stop responding to their dramas they run in their head. Don't feel bad, don't respond, and take a break from listening to them, emails letters voicemails, you have to heal yourself first and understand this abuse.

@motorcityblacksheep121 3 года назад

Oh, they’ll eventually get there. And when you don’t respond to their antics, they go after your kids and your inheritance.

@eddierayvanlynch6133 3 года назад

@@motorcityblacksheep121 Yes, they will get there. Our family narc's go-to was swatting. If this happens to you, you literally need to pack and leave ASAP. And *never* hint that you're leaving. Make actionable plans and go. Good luck on your journey.

@goodmorningsundaymorning4533 3 года назад

Family will kill you the quickest. Go no contact. F em!

@onemercilessming1342 3 года назад

When I first quit playing his games, he was derisive, then furious, then sarcastic, then conciliatory (until I told him there was 'way too much water under that bridge), then derisive again. Then he left me alone at long last. Life for me began again. That was 30 years ago.

@pamelac.3241 2 года назад

When I still didn't completely understand narcissism, I was trying to "make" my relationship a healthy one with my mom. One day she actually said to me: "When you were born, we prayed and prayed that you would live. We wanted you to join our family. BUT if you had just died, none of this would be happening right now." She completely denied ever saying it.

@kimpeterson4846 3 года назад

My Narc mom had my brother call the police to kick me out of my babysister funeral. The police said they will pay for this in this life or the next. My friends who went with me said they were burying one child and running one off, who does that? We're all in our 60's. My husband is my hero and they hate that.

@hissyfitz7890 3 года назад

They’re already paying for it; they’ve lost you too.

@sirtedricwalker2979 3 года назад

Who does that...A MENTAL DISORDER NARCISSIST DOES THAT!!!...ONLY to hurt you....my narc mother and my two older "flying monkey siblings" act out....my twin moved in with me stealing the narc's thunder ....addition by subracting the narc and her flying monkeys=PEACE!

@susansheldon2707 3 года назад

It always comes down to "you take full responsibility for you" while consciously giving up any last shreds of hope that the narcissist will "finally" deal with you rationally or care for you with some iota of compassion. My husband, at just the tiniest trigger, becomes a 100% emotional thinker and arguer. All logic, information via objective evidence, and rationality flies out the window and gets sucked into a black hole out in the universe somewhere. He has no capacity for being calm and rational over any matters that upset him. So why try? I say to myself. And I no longer do. The result is that I simply don't talk to him about anything of even mild consequence. However, I recently learned that he "interprets" silence on my part as me being upset. Incredibly, he has no clue that NOT opening up to him or interacting with him on controversial issues is a place of PEACE for me. Blessed peace! Yet he thinks I'm unhappy. Ha! Let him remain clueless. If he understood how I'm taking care of myself, he'd definitely work to ruin the peace I've found this way.

@cymbolichuman433 3 года назад

That dude must be an annoying game player tryin' to be right all the time....

@susansheldon2707 3 года назад

@@cymbolichuman433 Actually, we're at the point where he mostly avoids trying to be "right" since I'm what you'd call a "worthy opponent" - i.e., I'm every bit as intelligent as he is, but I have the ability to stay on a rational track and muster facts and evidence to support my views; he just loses it as soon as there's disagreement because he wants to be right without having to support or justify his views. The bigger issue with him is that he absolutely cannot face or admit to me or himself that he has anything wrong with him. (He's a perfectly superior human being, right?...) But, since I won't mince words when we get into the rare blow, he has learned to avoid those because I WILL drive home exactly how I see him. Sadly, I've learned that, when you're stuck living with a narcissist, the only tactic that works for defending yourself when they set off a new bomb in your relationship is to take a deep breath, swallow hard, buckle your belt a little tighter, and make yourself "do to them as they do to you." It's not what we healthy people want to do, but it's a narcissist's hell if you treat them (incidentally, not long-term) just as they treat you, let them know that's what you're doing quite intentionally, and then comment, "It sucks to be treated the way you treat me, doesn't it?" Yes, it does! At least with my husband, having to pay that price is a huge disincentive for him to be obnoxious.

@treelover1050 3 года назад

WHY NOT GO NO CONTACT?

@susansheldon2707 3 года назад

@@treelover1050 Long-term marriage to which I fully committed myself from the get-go - and that's not up for debate. I do realize that "until death does us part" is incomprehensible to most people nowadays, but that's the way it is. It would be different if there was physical abuse or threat, which there's not.

@suehopkins1017 3 года назад

I can relate so much. I just don't want to there with whats to come if I open my mouth.....but its hurting me my health.

@Cosmicoo82 3 года назад

My parents always tell my siblings not to tell me, and siblings tell my parents same. I feel like the outsider looking in. I’ve always been there for them; I don’t like drama, and am so tired of it! I do feel I just wanna get away!

@djdoolittle1315 2 года назад

You win, they lose. Period. Say goodbye and Let these demons in de guise, rot in their own hell

@mariasartzis-pellicier1723 3 года назад

It took me a few months of going back and forth but I FINALLY DETACHED EMOTIONALLY. I feel NOTHING towards my abusive narcist ex-husband.

@crinaleonte571 3 года назад

Healthy assertiveness is the precursor for healthy boundaries... So, so well said. And yes, having been hurt and betrayed by a narcissist does get you to be wrapped up in your own anger.

@fidelinalozano3097 2 года назад

Once the healing starts, and you regain the power that has been overshadowed by the toxic person, the toxic person doesn’t know how to deal against the survivor nor themselves. Their mask falls off and they become a HOT MESS, actually they had always been a hot mess, the mask have been covering it. 💜💜💜

@rebeccatrono3376 2 года назад

My son is a narcissist. What an incredibly hard journey it's been and the hardest thing has been to not get pulled into the games. As a mom, I keep hoping he will change, even when he has repeatedly spread lies about us to keep us isolated in order to keep his history a secret. Bizarre, sick behaviors to protect his story he's constructed about who he is and his life. Trying to hold him accountable has resulted in his keeping our grandchildren from us. There us no "winning" with these people.

@loopyloo788 Год назад

Exactly the same with my son Rebecca. Nothing can ever prepare you for the pain it brings. Take care of yourself. xx

@sheilajac 3 года назад

I need this, the message doesn't seem to get through and since they are too sick/cowardly to face me or STOP stalking, I need it badly.

@amber40494 3 года назад

If ur being stalked you need to get an order of protection from courts. Hope ur safe.

@janetpattison8474 3 года назад

I have heard in the past that an order of protection can escalate some stalkers. So trust your gut. & Stay safe. There is a sacred word, on many RU-vid channels, it is HU & If chanted daily, with an open heart, it has given me protection from serious physical and emotional harm. Ask for Spiritual help if you need it. The HU is powerful beyond belief, and it can bring miracles. 💙💙💙 (The sacred HU will work for anyone of any belief system.)

@sheilajac 3 года назад

@@amber40494 I definitely need legal help, this is going to kill me otherwise. I don't want to die and someone just gets away with murder and probably do it again to someone else later!

@sheilajac 3 года назад

@@janetpattison8474 well, I just searched HU on youtube and I think I found what you're talking about BUT I also found this, which is AWESOME, so thank you! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-jM8dCGIm6yc.html

@rhiannoncarino2603 3 года назад

@@sheilajac I am going through the same thing. And my mother has teamed up with my ex husband and his family. If you haven’t already, please only communicate through text, as that serves as proof. If you have police records obtain all of them. Keep phone records as well. Mine was stalking us in the past, not sure if it’s still happening. Definitely don’t say the word narcissist; however, describe the behaviors that you are dealing with such as, manipulation, pathological lying, blaming you for their behaviors (projection). If children are involved and put a wedge in your relationship, document every incident of abuse by using children, friends, family. The more you have the better it will be. I wish you best of luck and keep god close. Meditate, burn resins/do smudges, cleanses of energy. I wear a black tourmaline stone around my neck for protection. Check out metaphysical stores either near you or online. God bless. You will see through this journey. 💜🙏🏼

@mikeseitz2792 3 года назад

The Narc told me once, in a deep weird voice, you really don't know who I am!!! I do now!!!

@dawor1761 3 года назад

My Narcissist has a deep, raspy, growling voice when disobeyed or challenged. She sounds like a movie voice of a demon. She fixes her eye's on you and tilts her head down. I truly believe there is something evil in her. 👿

@mikeseitz2792 3 года назад

@@dawor1761 Exactly!!

@selfloveforever2360 3 года назад

Mine said to me you think you know me but you don’t. Now I do realise I didn’t 😞

@christinewagner1722 3 года назад

Mine tried to block the bedroom doorway when I was getting ready to deliver clean piles of laundry to various other bedrooms.... and said to me in a low menacing evil voice: “Do you love me?” I was startled, just stared him in the eyes, and pushed past him with my laundry basket, saying: “excuse me!” He did not deserve any answer!! This was another turning point for me!

@BAKER22-l4u 2 года назад

PURE EVIL

@vesnalukic9877 3 года назад

listening to this when i'm not deep in a trauma bond has a different affect on me..I can finally really understand it..but these videos are so crucial for all stages of healing...the pain I went through was unbearable and hearing someone talk about how to get out on the other end patiently and calmly has been one of the greatest paths to healing.

@imaniwilson1848 3 года назад

Vesna, I totally agree. I’ve been out for 10 years now. The healing truly does happen in stages and layers. The one I’m working on now is forgiving myself for not getting out sooner. I was really surprised that being in a healthy relationship didn’t make that part magically disappear. But I know that day is just around the corner. 💕

@vesnalukic9877 3 года назад

@@imaniwilson1848 please continue to take good care of yourself and stay on the path of healing which has so many rewards on it...🙏

@nicolagriggs3832 2 года назад

You go through absolute hell and then you live a real, happy and peaceful life....they still have to be them....

@auntnan9121 3 года назад

Too late, too late. Nothing effects them.( the narcissist) I can’t get away. I’ve been drained for 30 years. I just work in my garden and try not to think about how my children suffered while I was oblivious to all the manipulation. I feel beyond guilty. This person has effected so many lives negatively. My precious grandson took his life 8 months ago. It doesn’t matter now. That person doesn’t come around anymore.

@recoverme2473 3 года назад

@Julia Smith I am sorry. You did your best. Guilt and self-condemnation is not from God. Forgive yourself first. Forgive him.

@maryjankowski9032 3 года назад

So sorry...you did the best you knew how because you didn't know what you didn't know...

@inthesky7836 3 года назад

If it makes you feel any better at all, the narc relationship you had was a soul contract your soul made and all related incidents were always going to play out. At its deepest level, its a spiritual attachment, you really could not have prevented it. Learning and making decisions is your only recourse. Life is a school with hard lessons and difficult situations... God bless

@mgb7140 3 года назад

I am so sorry about your grandson. It can only feel almost impossible to go on after something like that, let alone when trying to recover from narcissistic abuse. I hope you're talking with someone about all this pain. May you have support and loved ones around to help you through this terrible time.

@auntnan9121 3 года назад

@Lori Rose Briggs I truly understand. So much pain. I kept telling my grandson to come home to me. He lost his mother 8 years ago. She was my youngest of three daughters. She suffered from depression and substance abuse. She was only 37 when she had a seizure ( dr said she had an undiagnosed heart problem) and passed 11 days later. My grandson took his life exactly 8 years later. I had begged him to come here so we could help each other. N was so negative and would scold me for everything I did. Even the morning he died, N paced around the room saying “This exactly why I didn’t want him here.” This, while the emts we’re trying to revive him. I should be saying all this to a professional. I think I will. Thank you for your understanding. ♥️

@camuyana 3 года назад

This will be very interesting because I don't know what to expect because he does not accept that the end has already come. He refuses to accept that we are no longer together.

@eagleeye2300 3 года назад

They actually believe that they own you. Protect yourself spiritually. Shut them down energetically as much as is needed. You can do it. I am in the same situation and I am really, really tired of it.

@camuyana 3 года назад

@@eagleeye2300 Hi. fortunately for me he is in another country because of a family matter and I have very little contact with him on the phone except for financial matters. After so much adultery he now wants to have The marriage stay intact. Ridiculous! You keep safe also and you will be in my prayers.

@cynthiafortier2540 3 года назад

Call the police and file a report. I did, quiet now!!

@angelanicoletti3330 3 года назад

@@cynthiafortier2540 , Good for you! So did I Sister.Almost 8 months ago. I have my life and my peace back with my purpose I humbly say and I'm flourishing. I pray you are too.Much peace, safety and healing to you!

@cynthiafortier2540 3 года назад

@@angelanicoletti3330 Doing well, though I hope he has moved on. Quite the experience. Will never dance with the devil again. Thanks for reaching out!!

@robyncampbell9624 Год назад

I'm nearly 64 years old and the narcissist i just left took so much but still always is some excuse for him to come to my place trying hard to stay strong and to stay right away love all your videos dr carter you are such a lovely person

@ottomusprime5028 2 года назад

Can we all agree this man’s voice is medicine?

@barb64-23 3 года назад

They are miserable and must like being miserable. They don’t desire to change and grow into mature, responsible, caring adults. The self loathing is pretty severe, which would be sad, except remember they chose this. And continue to choose to be miserable! Kookie and evil - to say the least!! Thanks Dr. Les, for all the great advice and wisdom! 🙏🏻

@gloriacoleman7012 3 года назад

They go around saying how rotten you are and it's all your fault no matter where you go they got to get in and say how awfully behaved you have been. Might even get fellow Christians to stalk you watch your home pray outside your house tell all kinds of lies. You just got to hang on to God and get you and your loved ones out.

@andreah6379 2 года назад

I did just that when I reached adulthood. I never looked back, zero communication with all narcissistic members of my sick, pathetic narcissistic family. I blossomed and found who I was and only gained more self-esteem and happiness!!! Hallelujah. Really. I will never understand anyone who still flounders and dithers about with narcissistic family members!!! Cut all ties with your poisonous people. PERIOD. Or, do you like being abused?????

@jifunzekiingerezanadorothy 2 года назад

😂😂😂😭😭😭currently floundering and dithering

@nailakamana763 2 года назад

I don't understand either. Sometimes you need to have more pride in yourself. Being treated with respect is far more important than being part of 'a family'. Sadly most people haven't been taught the value of having principles since young. Principles can literally save your life; they're that one thing you can firmly hold onto when everything falls apart.

@angelamwatts 3 года назад

In my situation, I finally went no contact with my narcissistic mother after she lied to the cops nearly causing my adult son to be fatally shot by police. I went no contact and she went into a nursing home, lived the remainder of her days alone and pretty much abandoned by everyone. You get to a point where enough is enough. I was angry for a few years after that. Then, I just let it go and moved on. She passed away and I didn't know it until three months after she died. I didn't want to go anyway.