What is a Christian Narcissist? 

I dated a Christian Covert Narcissists. They 're horrible people too. He used the Bible to justify his actions and behavior. He was very controlling, manipulate and stalkerish. He was Assistant Pastor at a church. Everything he did to me was abuse. I am 30+ days of No Contact/Blocked. 😢😢😢

I like what a friend said a long time ago, "They are about as Christian as the Devil!" That wasn't directly pointed at narcissists, but at wolves in sheep's clothing in general. Knowing them by their fruit says it all.

My neighbor has a car with multiple I love God stickers on it. After a few conversations, she tried to manipulate and control me. She also bragged about how great she is. It didn’t long for me to see her as a narcissist. She is not a real Christian. I don’t care how many stickers she puts on her car. Just like a person can stand in a middle of a garage, it doesn’t make them a car.

I was raised underneath a narcissistic Christian roof growing up and my mother especially, used her Christian faith as a way in which to abuse her 4 daughters. She still portrays at their church a very dedicated Christian persona and at home while growing up in their home she is emotionally abusive, manipulative and cruel extensively in her and our dad's discipline tactics. We grew up under an extensive amount of controlling behaviors. I don't doubt our dad being saved but, the jury I feel is still out with our mother. Yes, a Christian is known by their fruits.

Going through this exact thing right now!! My husband of almost 9 years has gaslit me into thinking he's truly a Christian, even though he's abused me this whole time, cheated, and then abandoned me and the kids 3 months ago😢. He tells ppl he did it for the good of the family.

So glad you made this! I was leading a Bible fellowship and had a narcissistic friend that was only helping me so much so she could take control. She was so incredibly toxic and manipulative and would do all this nice stuff in public but be incredibly stingy and cold in private. It was so bizarre!

Yes this is what my husband did to me. He told me i was called to break the generational curse of divorce and i was giving into satans lies by thinking i need to leave this marriage.

I'm a victim. It is very difficult to go for marriage counseling in church with a narcissistic spouse. The pastor will assume the person is normal and say that it takes 2 to tangle and that you are also at fault in the relationship. When you opt to leave. The pastor will discourage you saying that it is his job to mend homes and not tear them apart

Everything you said is so true. A wolf in sheep's clothing. Everyone taught that he was the best outside. But at home never did anything. DID MOVE FOR OTHERS THAN HIS OWN. USE RELIGION AS A COVER UP. BUT HE DIDN'T REALISE THAT GOD SEES EVERYTHING. GOD MADE AWAY AND EXPOSED HIM. NO FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT. LOVE WAS NO WERE TO BE FOUND. GOD IS LOVE ............. GOD SAW HIM AND KNEW THAT HE WASN'T TRUE TO HIS WORD. PRAISE GOD FOR HE IS THE GOD WHO SEES .

Thank you for speaking out on this Ben!! It's much needed! By their fruits you shall know them, exactly!

My mom! We sang in church, her mom was a preacher, I'd sincerely want to be a "good christian girl" and would pray so hard only to go home and be criticized and called hypocrite and belittled when as a child I would mess up. I was SO confused and messed up about God as an adult. It has taken years for God to peel back the layers and untwist my mind. I still resist tendencies to feel unloveable and never "good enough". People thought mom was a saint but how she could blessing and curses from the same mouth to wound her family.... my dad included. She's 90 now and I've forgiven her but the scars are there

When i call out his behavior, instead of taking accountability he goes and "prays for our family." "The devil is attacking and he is the only one fighting for our family." He told me i have a demon. I said yes i do. Its wearing a grey shirt, jeans and wrapped in your skin. I fiund him on a dating site for the 1,000 time. He told me, " if you believe what you see on the phone then you cant believe in God." Now he denied ever saying that. Classic. When a pastor told me i needed to be more forgiving and rationalized his lying i was so angry. This man of God has no discernment. Oh and my prayers are never powerful enough in his eyes. He was going through a relapse. Having a hard time i was attempting to comfort him. He told me to call "so and so" they are the ones who pray with power. What a schmuck He has talked for years about how God has called him to do something large. A person said the heavens opened when he was baptized. (I believe it is a false pastor) Now he is hyper focued on that. He told me that God just doesnt want to use me or touch me in ways he does others. Thank the Lord Jesus that He opened my eyes to this evil. Lord make a way to escape.

I'm an elder at my church, and just recently had a talk with a church member. Me and the chairman of the elders tried to get through to the person but I just noticed the same pattern of thoughts, and attitudes I had to confront when I WAS working in a ministry, which I still love, where the boss unfortunately showed a lot of narcissistic traits. Imagine being all defensive and not seeing yourself in the wrong any way, while bullying other church members, even if the church elders are adressing the issues.

My husband was always very angry with me and punished me for not obeying. He didn't curse or drink alcohol, but he was unpleasant and strict, didn't answer my questions, and avoided me for a time. He didn't care about me and left me when I was ill or our children were sick. Sometimes he mistreated me in front of others. But he served as a guitarist and singer at church. He wanted to be a leader and a preacher. He was often unamused when he couldn't impose his rules on others. When I first said "no" to him and tried to keep my distance he was mad at me and told me to stop it and forgive him immediately. I asked him for a couple months because I was so exhausted. But he didn't listen to me. In a nutshell, he blamed me for everything, threatened me, and shouted at me claiming I was a bad person and a bad Christian. Eventually, he presented himself as a victim and started to talk about his hurts. We've been married for 27 years. I can't stay with him but I'm afraid God won't let me part from him. Is it possible that I didn't notice who my husband was for so many years?

Whenever I tried to stand up for myself, I was given proverbs 12:1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid. In other words, don't question what I'm telling you, just submit and listen. ( But I truly thank God for my personal relationship with God, through His Son Jesus Christ. I come to find out in my own life, that God isn't as harsh as people showed me that He is.

My dad is the epitome of a christian narcissist.....my dad was a mask of rage 24-7,he would get into screaming arguments with people using obscenities, yet according to him,it was all a justified anger....he was a completely negative person,justified everything under religion,never tried to change or do better,he was entitled...he condemned people who watched rated R action movies yet he watched the same type of violent movies..when he watched a movie that had sex,violenceit was ok,yet he was quick to condemnif someoneelse did it....he pointed out peoples faults,but was far from perfect himself...he would justify his rage by saying "jesus got mad at the people in the temple"....the rules didnt apply to him..he twisted and used religion to,turn it to his own way of thinking...he was the final authority on everything,not the priest or even god himself....he would lie when it was convenient for him...never applied religion to his everday life,never tried to do better,was the ideal hypocrite....he talked religion 24-7,but never practiced what he preached...in 50 years he never changed in the slightest

He loved to post pics of our perfect family. One day after belittling me. I told him to take down the fake love. The worst thing I ever did.

You’ve just won a fan for life for what you said on this video.

This was SO helpful to hear. I was discarded a month ago by a narcisstic "friend" who I previously also had feelings for (complicated story). It's been a rollercoaster of a year and a half with him. After a hoover, in which I finally figured him out, and he discarded me and I've been no contact since. It's been so incredibly hard though seeing him at church and watching him get new supply, try to infiltrate more positions of power and "serve". The healing journey has been incredibly hard too cause trying to get people to understand what this was has been tricky. Definitely keep talking about this Ben because it helps people like me and the people supporting us out a lot. Especially the side where I felt like I was doing the "Christian thing" of giving him another chance during the hoover.

I understand and appreciate your input about narcissism and thank you for all the warnings. I have found that I believe I have encountered narcissists, but they are so cunning and able to blend in so nicely they almost pass as normal. Seriously, they are lurking and doing their plans, and I feel sorry for people who allow themselves to be stuck in abusive relationships. Life is too short to deal with anyone who only wants to just use you. Again, thank you for sharing and you do it so well! Blessings!

Hypocrites is a word that comes to mind. An ex's father was a lawyer and "excellent methodist layman" as proclaimed by fellow church goers. The stories and manipulation of his that she told me we nothing more than child abuse. Psychopathy is Hell.

Going through this now with my husband. The Church believes he's not capable of being like this. My pastor won't even believe me. It definitely drove a wedge between my relationship with God for a bit.

I am so glad that you did this video! Dealing with narcissistic people is difficult enough but when they are within the church and/or ministries it seems to sting more. You feel like you got sold a bill of goods regardless but when they use scripture to manipulate you according to values that you hold dear, it makes it harder to break free sooner. Financial abuse in the name of good stewardship, sexual abuse in the name of not withholding yourself from the marital bed, the list goes on. Don’t forget submission. I remember trying to point out something that would require my spouse being accountable and the response was: I”I can speak into your life about what needs to change as my wife but you have no authority to talk to me about my faults, God will deal with me.”

Thank you for talking about this 💯 my narcissistic Christian father used religion to try to manipulate my brothers and my sister

I agree..the two cannot co exist and yes..we do make judgements based on the fruit/character

There are a lot of christian narcissists.

THEY ONLY DO GODS WILL FOR SIGHT BUT YOUR CHARCTER IS WHO YOU ARE WHEN KNOW ONE IS LOOKING SO GOD KNOWS THE REAL YOU AMEN

My spouse is a narcissist, we started going to church 10 years ago, he reads the Bible everyday, and he is so much better, now he only throws fits when I am mad at him.

I was married to one that tried to control me with making me feel like a big sinner. All this time he was a hidden porn addict teaching grade school kids and was a Sunday School. Went to prison for child porn possession. I was also raped by him with all these Christian books surrounding us in the bedroom. So the trauma of this lasted for years

Currently experiencing what it’s like being in a relationship with a narcissist who is now a Christian and constantly using the Bible’s word against me.. I must “obey” and “submit” to him because the Bible says so. I don’t have a say about things because I’m too emotional & being emotional is “evil and a sin.” I thought this behavior was because of his childhood trauma and past relationships but I’m now realizing this is just who he is. He is a narcissist and I’m his vulnerable puppet. When he’s having a good day, we have a good day. When he’s having a bad day, so am I. Our relationship revolves around what he wants. I’m now seeing the truth

I have wondered if it's normal for Christian narcissists to always post positive Bible verses and how amazing God's love is often on their social media pages. Yet barely post about anything else going on in their life or something else that's not Christian related. They appear to put on a show of how Godly they are. They never post "negative" things such as sin, discernment, righteous judging, etc. I've known a few Christians I suspect are narcissists who I thought were admirable, but as I got to know them, they showed very toxic traits. Accuse me of things I didn't do, lie, trick or manipulate me. Misunderstood something I said or posted and take it completely out of context.

I’m an atheist personally, but what truly troubles me and makes me uncomfortable are Christians who just go around assuming everyone else is a Christian or say things like “God bless you” and impose their beliefs onto everyone. That makes me uncomfortable. There are so many different religions in the world. IMO it isn’t appropriate for a Christian to just assume everyone else is a Christian simply because they are a Christian. My ex narcissist’s family identified as Christians and went to church weekly yet they were the coldest people I’ve ever known. They were never warm or loving and even slept in separate bedrooms.

Bro great info but when you turn your chair I Crack up. I know you're a funny dude lol

My boyfriend was everything to me, he stopped having sex with me, two years later, says he wants to be married, he only pleased me once, says he feels guilty, I came down with breast cancer, he was great but again now my self esteem is at a all time low, still no love, I cant live like this, i love him but my god he needs help and i need to feel loved.

Mine was exactly this , he abused me in every way you could w/o taking my life .. he still don’t see the wrong what he did .. he’s still preaching the word but living a lie

prayers for your salvation

I just came across your RU-vid channel - it's amazing‼️, such true and to the point statements, it's hard to believe that someone can confess" their sins" just like that. Thank you for your work ❤

A Christian narcissist is just the new age term for a Pharisee. They are hypocrites and wolves in sheep’s clothing. Mark 4:12 “‘they may be ever seeing but never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding; otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!’” Ben is absolutely Biblically correct on everything he is speaking! Test the spirit by the Spirit, as their fruit determines what spirits are operating behind that person which results in their outward character. Judge in the Bible means to judge their character and we don’t have to judge anyone, as Proverbs has already judged the wicked person. Christianity is not a religion, yet a spiritual journey and a choice to follow Jesus. False religions divide and why there’s a rise for power, control and war. Jesus was meek and humble, he didn’t push power or wage war. God bless! ❤

Narcissism is often confused with Autism or ADHD.

Hi Ben, This info is right on… The only thing is you refer to the abuser as “he” all the time though… There are Covert Female “Christian” Narcissists as well and there are many men who are having their lives destroyed by these females also… Thanks for considering changing your phrasing to include both…

I mean no disrespect by bringing up politics, but to me this is an elephant in the room. How do so many “Christians” support a malignant narcissist like Trump? There have been studies done showing narcissists gravitate toward Trump. I believe that is the answer and ties into this topic.

Because of confusion of Narcissism, Autism, and ADHD, they are wrongly diagnosed.

I have to leave many churches due to it.

They are not really christians. If they had love in their heart, they would not be evil.

This video is well done. Unfortunately while I’m listening I’m realizing it not only describes the covert narcissist that created a trauma bond in my life (who was invited into my church by my Pastor and other leadership), but also describes my Pastor. Jesus gives us the gift of discernment. Where I got blind sided in all of this was I was told repeatedly by leadership that the narcissist (who created the trauma bond) was healed and restored from a horrible crime he had recently committed. Hind sight is 20/20. I was shown large red flags from Jesus the moment I laid eyes on the narcissist. I want to encourage everyone, not to walk around paranoid, but to use the spiritual red flags and gut feelings that sometimes Jesus will use to communicate a warning to us to stay away and avoid a potentially dangerous situation. It’s not fear. It’s wisdom. God Bless, everyone.

I lived and grew up in that setting..

Is it instant replay time Ben? In your "How Did I Not See the Red Flags of the Narcissist? video we finished out with... "didn't like that 1 huh Ben?" and a "Didn't like what? " So I'll leave this 1 up for a few before it's gone. I think I was even 1st. Even that don't matter Jack. Only a soon-to-be bankrupt shoe-store owner keeps a pair of kicks on the shelf that don''t sell.

They misuse the forgive tool to justify their own and others sin in their live s.

In the book of john says..there are only two groups..the believers and unbeliever

Can we talk about the the “ women” who exploit men… when a woman loses her supply in her narcissistic traits, plain and simple. She will use substances and people as her supply, and then she will discard them, and come back into your life with all the hoveriing… set some firm boundaries. and get into therapy and find your true self. men are also abused.. David

Definitely my mom.....

What's really scary is when religious narcissists attain political influence. Not only are their congregants made to suffer, but so is everyone else.

Read the passages in the bible about Jezebel and walking in the spirt is differently than walking in one's flesh...look at the cross and the conversations to jesus about saving yourself or the one who humbly knew he needed a ransom from sin..when you walk in flesh..its all about you..your a god..worship thyself and control and manipulation ..we all have those tendencies..but the narc cannot admit he's wrong or wanting compromise..its the exact opposite character

Yes, yes and yes!!

There is no such thing!!

Good video. That's just a narcissist. Word Chtistian is always thrown around by people, but if they don't follow Christ they're not Christian. You can clearly see in these people the pathology when they ask for blind submission. From all family but refuse to act like Jesus.

Spot on!! Thanks for sharing!

I grew up with this, my brother and my mother, but the worst of all was my sister, who claims to be a Christian that alegially came to help with my disabled, dependent father and disabled mother. The abuses was so severe that i had a multitude of extremely serious health problems such as massive weight loss, loss of my teeth, colon cancer, became suicidal, and severe mental health problems to name a few.. As abuses to my father and my mother, i now had to protect. It was six years in that I finally found the name to this abuse, narrarsistict. God did show me her face as the devil early on. I did not understand gaslighting, ect. I also lost everything in a flood as she did not wake me up to tell me the river was rising. I would like to either sue my dads estate or my sister directly as it will cost over 90 k to get dental implants. Dentures do not work, i have checked every possible avenue, and this is my only way that i can get them . I hope it helps my pain as well. The severe pain i have from my gums is unbearable as i had a dental injury in my 20s. I feel this has caused so much anger and rage inside of me, from her demonic side that her demons are tying to take over me, and i dont know if suing is even the Christian thing to do. I know vengeance is my said the Lord, but I am in my early 60s, with three small grandchildren. I can't speak well, i am humiliated, and i am truly aged 40 more years. I would have run, but i was there for my father, who needed me. We were fine before she came. My mother who i am now trying to take care of, is 88, finally got to where she was going to nicely tell her to go home, but to not tell my sister what she said about her abuse, nor did she ever tell her to go home. I felt trapped. . But for my mother, she never asked me how it was effectively me or dad. I wanted to get her out by going to my father's judge many times, but i truly did not understand with all the gaslighting, me doing all the work, my father in and out of the hospital and rehabs all the time. I lived in hell, and i still feel like i am. I need real guidance and prayer.

Yes that's my situation.

Narcissists lives more on words and manipulative actions than they do in authenticity. As long as they look good on the outside to people outside the home they think they are great. "Christian narcissist" is an oxymoron. One cannot have the fruit of the Spirit and still act the way a narcissist acts based on their inner black heart. Galatians 5:22-23 - "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." This fruit motivates all the actions of those controlled by Christ. Those without this fruit are motivated by their heart to act the way they do. I know many people like this and grew up in it. The culture as a whole acts like this because they go to church but do not follow Christ. There are many fakers in the church, they were never born again and changed by Christ into a new creation. These people are using religion to enhance their fake persona.

The term “Christian” is used very lightly in this context.

But when you give them a scripture calling out their behavior, they blow up on you. It just happened to me.

Just like anything else: if your words do not match your actions you might be a narcissist 🎉

Big Facts!

My husband and father.

My reality right now...smh.

9:36 Fruit won’t lie.

Ha! My mom and ex

And that’s why the best decision I did for me was leave the Christianity for good. Leaving was like inhaling fresh air for the first time.

I call it living a double life. I observe my Christian Narcissist has a Demon he wants to keep. He has admitted to never hearing from the Holy Spirit & his pride prevents sorrow & repentence. For too long I thought I was the problem. My Savior has gifted me a way to live in peace with all men. Laura Doyles Empowered Wife book is a plan to save your sanity.

My narcissist is an aesthetic narcissist, can't be bothered to facade otherwise.

17 years married with three beautiful boys all God-fearing and my ex-wife went from the church that we got married in once the pastor disagreed with her about me being the cheating type she stopped going to that church and she went to another and then the pastor and his wife both agreed that no he doesn’t seem like the cheating type. She stopped going to that church now she goes to church That they haven’t heard both sides of the story but they side with her. She says the Holy Spirit is telling her that I was cheating on her and doing all kind of bad things that I was supposed to be with a witch that had me under a spell weapon, but she doesn’t see that she’s manipulative and controlling but she said she’s a Christian, personally my life is better without her. Forgive me if I’m wrong for saying such.

Right, their fruit. I am married to one, currently in the process of divorce. He reverse discarded me so he can play the victim. I watched the whole thing unfold for years. Do they really believe they are saved are it just part of the whole nice guy facade?

"YOU'RE NOT ALONE"...😢 EPHESIANS 5 GETS HELD OVER MY HEAD ALL THE TIME... YET PSALMS 1 EXPLAINS WHAT TO DO... PSALMS 12 EXPLAINS THEIR DEVILISH TONGUE... GALATIANS 5:14-26 EXPLAINS THE DIFFERENCE... 2 TIMOTHY 2:15 HELPS YOU KNOW WHO IS A NARC... They Cannot Change - personal "currently" experiencing... To many Epiphanies - 😡

This is excellent, except for some of the language. I don't know why you think it is necessary to use it. I was preyed on by a Christian narcissist pastor who started his own church and has no accountability. It was a big lesson learned about love bombing, grooming, trauma bonding, etc.

My dad ! So religious and holy but, also a complete user and, manipulator

What is a Christian and Muslim narcissist I have experienced both😊

You are on point.

Yes Christians do run from this. And we are encouraged in the church to just pray for your marriage and spouse. No. God did not mean for us to be enslaved. 😢

This happened to me.

True!

I was with a psykopat man in 7 years that kill me so kald christian

It's a shame that christians scare so many people away from God.

Yeah I wasn't the right look either ... thankfully

Yet the brothers in Christ are so loving they just keep on loving the narc to the detriment of their victims. They are wolves in sheep's clothing pretending to be helpful and reformed while social climbing and being predatory. Narcs know their end, but the flying monkeys are in for a big surprise.... They step up and use their faults to show false humility and gain compassion all the time, they are plastered all over the Internet helping. Just a future Prometheus. Soon all the facade will fall, a huge portion of hearts will fail. The "Christians" who kept me trapped for 25 years. I will watch and not warn them of the predators that will surround them and see their seed become fodder...

Oklahoma in a nutshell

888 views and 111 likes woah

I HAVE A SISTER HOW IS A NARRCISTIC CHRISITAN SHEIDING IT BEHIND GOD