What is a deal breaker?: how to talk to your partner about relationship problems

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A deal breaker is anything that would motivate your willingness to leave a relationship, even if everything else about that relationship were ideal. In this episode, I'll discuss "organic deal breakers," which are behaviors that are deal breakers by virtue of the fact that they, if left unchecked, will destroy the relationship all by themselves, as well as how to broach a discussion about deal breakers with your partner. I also speak on the importance of not complaining unnecessarily about your partner.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
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#relationships #dealbreakers #communication

Опубликовано:

8 июл 2022

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Комментарии : 40

@kevinelruler Год назад

I whine and criticize so much that it absolutely degrades the value of my relationships. Thank you so much for this video.

@TyeKane Год назад

I also have been very toxic. Best of luck to you

@silverlining6259 Год назад

It’s about maturity,learn how to communicate in a loving way.

@buddhaweatherby368 6 месяцев назад

That self awareness is invaluable, if you address it. My 14 year relationship ended a year ago largely due to my ex being self-righteous and critical. It just beat the joy out of the relationship for me. I still love her, but it became too much. I wish you the best.

@WofWca 5 месяцев назад

Another thing is that "non deal breakers" can pile up into a deal breaker. If some colleagues at your work are rude, that's not a deal breaker. But if the colleagues are rude + it's a night-shift work + you also have to work on Saturdays + they don't provide any benefits + they call you for overtime sometimes + the pay is the same with regular jobs then maybe you'd want to leave.

@CITYBEACHTV Год назад

You talk more sense than anyone else I’ve come across

@PinkHypatia 2 года назад

The differentiation you made with the restaurant example was crystal clear. This was excellent advice on protecting vs. degrading the integrity of a relationship. You can either be an advocate or an asshole.

@foaly8 Год назад

bro you're literally saving my life, this is what I needed to hear. Brilliant.

@MrCZRC 2 года назад

This is actually so true and funny ive only half realised this a few days ago and after watching this video i fully understand the implications of the way to go about a relationship depending if its organic problem or not 👍🏻 thank you so much

@psychacks 2 года назад

I'm glad to hear it helped.

@aaronweiss3294 Год назад

Bringing up issues that aren't deal breakers don't have to degrade relationships, but they definitely can

@domsberisha 2 года назад

Excellent as per usual. Thanks Doc!

@herrberg8962 Год назад

You are a wise man. 🙂 I only discovered your channel yesterday and already learned a lot.

@dorianstoilescu1555 Год назад

Doc, you are great! It's important to avoid to downgrade the relationship with the other person by doing bitter complains. And I agree with most of it but respectfully disagree with you only in one (half) aspect. If you do not like something (you gave the example of bad cooking) I would just say in a loving voice that the meal is spoiled but s/he is still a great cooker and has the right to mess it at times. If it happend it is is first as you say (do not be the assole) but next it's good to just say it nice and give an appreciative/kind way for the other's role in her/his life.

@maria.1313 2 года назад

Interesting points, thank you!

@idlehourlinda6476 2 года назад

Had to face addiction in a loved one a couple years ago. The pain had become unbearable and going no contact, although painful, was necessary. I hold out hope that someday he'll get sober, but I agree that no relationship is preferable to trying to force one with ongoing substance abuse in the mix. Your videos are so helpful.

@psychacks 2 года назад

It's hard to walk away from a relationship in which you've invested years of your life. However, it's also hard to stay in a relationship characterized by enabling and abuse. There's pain either way. In these situations, it's important to choose the path that takes you where you want to go (as opposed to the path that has marginally less pain).

@Killer-ct4vt 11 месяцев назад

Watching this made me realize I'm the toxic one

@thenutrientwhisperer3700 Год назад

Listen to all readers if you are in an unmarried relationship with somebody who has a drinking problem, my recommendation is to run as fast as you can in the other direction. Take it from someone who didn’t do that, and married the alcoholic, despite he had been sober. But I didn’t realize was that he was at risk of having other addictions. So without giving away too many of the details, just freaking run fast.

@willemvanriet7160 7 месяцев назад

Being a chronic devils advocate is also an automatic destroyer. I just pulled the plug fairly early after 3 big attempts to discuss and alleviate

@unblocklife7060 3 месяца назад

This is wisdom!

@ErTasiTroll 6 месяцев назад

Great video!

@susanh.3705 8 месяцев назад

This is good advice. 👍🏽 ❤

@dja-juicepowersourceproduc2887 Год назад

Great video brother 👍

@Thilosophocl3s 8 месяцев назад

I can feel genuinely regretful that I accidentally hurt someone’s feelings, but I will stand firm in my words/actions. I may take a moment to clarify my sentiment, but your feelings are not my responsibility.

@MrPatspp 6 месяцев назад

Hey mate, I believe that the point is how you deliver the message. At the end of the day, if the content of your words is true but hurts somebody, isn't good if you care about the other person. So why not pick words that won't hurt your beloved one feelings?

@Thilosophocl3s 6 месяцев назад

@@MrPatspp I'm a kind person, truly. But I'm not particularly nice if the importance of the message outweighs one's sensitivities. I'd never go out of my way to be malicious, but the kind of niceness that doesn't clearly communicate an issue is enabling bad behavior, and that helps absolutely nobody. If one of your friends is "doing it wrong" and they don't know it, and you don't tell them, then who's the asshole? Yes, there's usually a nice way to do things, I'll look for that way before ever letting my mouth run on autopilot, lol

@MrPatspp 6 месяцев назад

@@Thilosophocl3s hey, I can relate, I'm the same way with my male friends. Direct and sometimes cold cause that's what we need but my last comment was actually coming from my learning self where with my current girl, and all the previous, has never worked the same way. They always need us to soften the words to deliver the message cause is more about feelings than it is about logic. Unfortunately, I'm not always good at keeping it in a lovely manner of saying things but I'm trying. It's been way more effective for me that convincing them that I'm right if at the end of me being right they feel bad and it's all that matters to woman. Cheers, bro!

@sethgyan Год назад

Very helpful

@uanip1341 Год назад

I loved your choice of words in this episode 😂😂😂😂

@derek5168 Год назад

Absence is a deal breaker for me

@angelacross2216 Год назад

Whining is often blind to its own faults.

@thecurrentmoment Год назад

What if something lowers the quality of your experience of the relationship but isn't a deal breaker - could you bring it up as a suggestion rather than a complaint? What I'm hearing is that you're really talking about complaints, and to only complain if it's a genuine problem (I.e. it affects the integrity of the relationship), but what is not included in this is suggestions for improvement. What do you think is the best way to bring those things up?

@gauravthadanii 11 месяцев назад

good question sir

@Kristy_not_Kristine 4 дня назад

Infidelity is a deal-breaker for me. Pretty much anything else I can work with.

@WofWca 7 месяцев назад

I don't think the "don't bring it up" advice works in all situations. If you go to the restaurant all the time, you could say "could you cook the chicken for a little more than last time for me"?

@tarrancec 11 месяцев назад

❤❤❤

@anthonyperrault4969 5 месяцев назад

Do you distinguish inappropriate behavior (e.g., disrespect or obviously hurtful behavior) from dealbreakers? My wife said something disrespectful, and I told her about it. I wasn’t threatening the relationship, but additional acts of disrespect would lead to it being a dealbreaker. Was it appropriate to mention. The disrespectful behavior right there instead of waiting to see if it continues?

@eyeheartsushi2212 4 месяца назад

One has to set boundaries, and disrespect is a big one. It can easily become a deal breaker. This doctor has done videos on respect. He said if you are treated worse than how you would treat a stranger in a bus, then you need to evaluate why you would remain in a relationship with the person that mistreated you.