One of the primary reasons men reach out to me for consultations is to learn how to bring the passion back into a sexless marriage. Besides cultivating the conditions under which sexual interest is most likely to flourish, it's important to practice the fundamental principle of seduction, namely: tension and release. In this episode, I'll discuss what that might look like, and explain why your woman may be recoiling from your touch. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-WrXBzQ2HDEQ.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ru-vid.com/show-UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationships #marriage
I disagree with everything you are saying because women are wicked and women withhold sex for evil reasons. There! I said it. Thanks belated President Regan for passing the no-fault divorce which ruined marriage. A marriage license should come with a clause that if the wife withholds sex for other than medical reasons (or if she believes her spouse has an STI) and her cycle that should be grounds for divorce and she gets a loaf of bread and a jar of water. If there are children the father gets full custody. Good husband only. If the husband is abusive, and unfaithful by adultery, and abandonment, he is excluded. Stop lumping every man into the same category.
Can I recommend and ask you to do a video on " Women who are very vengeful in relationships. I have noticed that many women are very vengeful, and loves to get revenge on their partners. And how can men avoid getting into relationships with vengeful women.
@@Lion-pu4vm how so? Is he now lazy? Older? Has ED? Is he tired a lot? Youve given no context to your post. Fyi...I'm 58 married (15 yrs) male and we have sex 2-3 times a week...sometimes more. About 8 yrs ago it was maybe once a month. Men go thru "changes" too...we call it manopause. My wife is 10 yrs younger than me and her "changes" are starting to come into play now. Hence we get it as often as possible now lol.
“The number of sexless marriages that exist in this world do not make me optimistic about that institution.” Thats all I need to know from this episode, thanks!
Experienced divorce lawyer here. I recently posted a video about sexless, loveless marriages. In a majority of the divorce cases I have seen, the couple has not slept together or had sex in years. (In a few cases 10 years or longer). I’m a strong advocate of creating “space” in your relationship. In many cases, living separately without marriage works too. Too many times people get married with unrealistic expectations, intimacy grinds to a halt, and it gets untenable (usually for the man). Stay safe out there!
As a married man, i can say this is solid. I naturally do these things and it keeps passion alive. What's important is that Dr. Taraban is providing actionable information that you can apply today
😯 May I ask how you would suggest a women communicating these needs to her husband? Or do you think that this is a trait a man just has or not? Thanks a lot in advance!
@@soso3386 that's a great question. I believe there are many answers to this question. One effective way is to take some initiative. For example, this could be touching him throughout the day, putting a hand on his thigh while sitting next to each other, rubbing your foot on his leg under the table, taking a dance class together, doing body paint, snuggling in bed before going to sleep, even slapping his bum. It can be subtle like wearing yoga pants and doing a yoga routine in plain view. Physical contact can take many forms and the women can initiate just as much as the man. The general idea is that action > inaction. Take action, create a consistent spark and the rest will take care of itself 😉
@@brandonmontgomery7461 Hi, I'm actually aware of all the things I can do as a woman to initiate sexual acts. But thank you for that. My question is more about how I can communicate (preferably not verbally) that I need sexual tension and don't like it when every touch has to end in a sexual act. In my experience, most men have neither this knowledge about a woman's sexuality nor the patience not to fall all over her at the first erotic touch. I would like my future husband to know how to provoke me sexually throughout the day but to be able to wait for me to come begging him for sex in the evening, to put it bluntly.
To any women out there, do not make sexual promises for later in the day for any reason no matter how turned on or impressed you are and then no follow through. We will think about that the rest of the day and beyond that you yoyo'd us with the thing we cherish most with you. It's messed up and damages us and your relationship.
It's a classic manipulation tactic. Mine likes to be all flirty while we're out with friends, but you can pretty much set your watch by her getting a "headache" as soon as the last witness is gone.
@@marcintosh4040Leeching your resources from you, that's what. That's really what women want. They want your time, money, and attention, and if they can get you into a postion (marriage) where they can extract it from you continously without providing any sex, most of them will.
For women, it is all about the chase. While dating my ex-wife, she bent over backward for me and initiated sex. The day after we were engaged, her interest in sex started to fade. The day after the wedding, she found my touch to be disgusting. Ten years later, when I said I needed out of the marriage, she showered me with sexual advances. That is when I realized that everything had come full circle. She started the pursuit all over again. You need to keep them always chasing you. Good luck fellas!!!
Shocking! When they have what they want your needs don’t matter. Give them the prospect of losing what they want & miraculously they cannot get enough of you. Modern women who don’t trap a partner in marriage enjoy sex with multiple partners no problem. Yet another reason the laws & courts need changed to level the playing field. The current system incentivized women to treat men poorly.
So true, with me it was when we bought and moved into a condo together. I could feel the difference very quickly. When I found myself someone else, suddenly she wanted it but I was already checked out. Keep them chasing, but its sad to know how this works.
Finally a men who understands women! Guys, listen to this video! He is 100% correct! If there is a solution, this is it. Best video of this channel so far!
I think the piece that’s missing that’s absolutely so important is hormones. With so many women going through infertility because a lot of our hormones are extremely imbalanced, I think it’s silly not to take that into account.
And how! Most men do a pi$$ poor job of seducing a woman and building arousal in her. Men are just to direct annd women not so much.@@bluebutterfly5062
This is one of my big abstracts about men and women. Men want to eliminate tension. Men want to solve problems, sex as a relief of tension, clearing out obstacles as a means to remove tension. Women like exploring tension. Women want to explore problems to exhaustion regardless of a solution, women like a lot of sexual tension and energy leading up to sex, and women like to stockpile tension for later social explosions. It’s why men watch adult films and women like slow romance novels. Men want to eliminate tension and women want to explore it. As a man you have to become accustomed to building and stockpiling various forms of tension in order to keep women engaged… which is the exact opposite of men’s goals who don’t want to have blaring alarms and problems.
I hate this shot and it's so fucking true!! There's time I'll start foreplay with a girl and literally stop and walk away. To be continued at a later time in the day. My girl HATES when I do this, for example I'm in d.r right now since I'm a passport bro and before I dropped of my girl I was all types of shit in the car 🤣 It's stupid that we have to do this shit! That's why I rather travel, and dealing with women, you literally start having sex with women hours before the actual sex part.
@@aim-for-greatn3z947 As a younger man I felt much the same way. Now that I am getting older and my drive is waning, I realize for the first time what a motivating force it is and has been throughout human history for men to build and protect. I would encourage my younger brothers out there to harness that energy- not to chase after women, but to mold themselves into the absolute best version of themselves (in the gym, professionally, etc.) and turn it into something positive.
Translation: You have to constantly flirt with your woman day after day to keep her in the mood. Then she will be more open to fun when the time is right. Men need to keep attracting attracting their woman, even if they are married. So, keep flirting, and make sure to hit the gym and get in better shape. Women love healthy and attractive men, just like men love attractive women.
Why would you not flirt with your wife - every single day? Is that not what your life is all about, making your wife feel loved, seen, heard, sexy, protected etc.. ? Everything else should be secondary, otherwise you have no reason to be married or to be in a relationship at all !
Yes, because especially a very young woman tends to think that your conduct and your ways to make her happy and interested, is who you *are* and your promise to stay forever. And men tend to think that there is a common understanding, that first a couple are courting, and then they are going to have the same kind of marriage that his father and mother had, he doesn't have to put in any extra effort any more, it just how it works. But that picture of marriage is the night-mare of most women.
For the first sixteen years of our relationship, my husband didn’t know what colour my eyes are. When I found that out, I was very hurt, and I can’t seem to get past it. My desire for him fell right off a cliff.
As a divorced woman I tell you: "connection" over the day (eye contact, touch, emotional support, conversation, hugs, slap on my butt) all these mean to me that I am loved, wanted, accepted, desired, seem, listened to, your partner. The absence of those "connection " acts had in the past starved me to death, to build in me resentment and loneliness to the point that it felt like my relationship was dead. That created resentment in him, and he treated me worse and worse, which brought me to a point of emotional sickness and therapy. Moving forward, I've found a my boyfriend. He touches me so much and so frequently, we always correspond each other's "bids for connection". We even say it out loud: "bid for connection, it has to be met". I feel like he just really likes me. Interesting enough, man... I naturally feel that he can and should have me anytime. Please!
@joshuadevsimmz6396 no, bro. And I stayed alone for over an year. It was for emotional healing and not attracting the same kind. Cheating would not give me anything good that I needed. I needed peace and care, so I had to be alone. Divorce hurts, bro. Even if the marriage is broken. It's a lot invested on that and it is freaking hard for everyone.
The biggest reason why marriages are very sexless because women don’t normally marry their first options, simply cause they can’t. Women usually settle for the reliable Provider male who deep down they don’t necessarily desire but know they can depend on. Under these circumstances husbands are always going to be unfulfilled, the guys women truly desire aren’t going for marriages, they have too much leverage. Women end up resenting their husbands over time due to said reasons and generate a lot of low dysfunction in the relationship as a result. Do what you want with this information fellas, and be wise.💯
I just hope a significant portion of men wake up to the truth of these creatures and put pressure on them to course correct with our withdrawal and refusal
I outright disagree. I think your girl picked you because she thought you were awesome for a myriad of reasons. Most relationships go sour because life stresses happen and people change, and couples don't usually know how to deal with or interpret these occurrences together. They don't know how to communicate their frustrations or even their excitements without making it way too personal and not seeing things from their partner's perspective. Enough situations (however small) pile up over time and people begin to resent each other or feel unsafe...even subconsciously. If we can make our women feel safe and understood when you or her are expressing yourselves or just talking about normal everyday stuff, the spark and the attraction comes back. You need to cultivate it, because something went wrong somewhere. It may be a big thing that your relationship hasn't yet healed from, a million little things (like sassing each other about the thermostat or who lost the remote), or a combination of both.
This has always fascinated me as a woman because I have never denied my romantic partner sex and never will deliberately (serious illness and other external or unforeseen circumstances aside). I have, however, been rejected sexually by partners before and it does sting, so I can understand the male perspective in this regard. The best thing you can do is find someone just as crazy about you as you are about them, and make sure you are on the same wavelength regarding sexual preferences and frequency. Regarding the former, there is some personal responsibility involved to an extent which influences your outcome. Meaning, consistently putting effort into your health and appearance, but even then you won't be everyone's first pick or cup of tea. At the end of the day, no amount of love and understanding can save your relationship if you #1 don't find your partner attractive or vice versa and #2 have different sexual needs and preferences that simply cannot be reconciled or compromised on.
Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows and women file 80% of divorces, the strongest predicting factor being the man's income. Thank goddess for prawn hub.
I disagree with the good doctor here. It is too much work. Imagine doing that and not getting sex at the end of the day. Get a girl horny for you or one that understands that this is the one thing she cannot deny you if she wants the relationship to continue. Public service announcement to all the men in sexless or infrequent sex relationships. Leave that woman! A female commenter above made the comment that she never denied her romantic partners sex. So there are women like that out there. Ive had both. And the ones who deny sex are useless! They are parasites.
*You're not quite understanding the problem:* Women can and do _change_ their interest in sex over time. So it's useless to advise men to "find someone just as crazy about you as you are about them" . . .
@@forgottenfuryan if you listen to people like Dr David Buss (evolutionary pscyhologist), The Lead Attorney (divorce layer) and Alain de Botton (philosopher), there is a growing consensus that the real strongest predictor is the wife's psychology. If she is calm, patient, can tolerate stress, and is emotionally stable then the marriage will be happy and she will be able to cope with a lower earning husband.
This is most sound advice I've heard on this channel. I would only add that it becomes much easier (and more convincing) to perform these priming moments of quick intimacy when you teach yourself to enjoy them as well. While teasing is more often what women do for fun, it feels powerful to flip things and be the one who causes frustration.
Spot on! I've been in a committed relationship long enough to see the connsequences of following and not following this advice. Show her that you care!
I like your seed vs. fruit analogy, Orion. In our "modern" world, many men have no real experience in nurturing/cultivating anything besides their bank acounts. We've forgotten our agrarian roots and replaced everything with instant gratification. I also like the Chinese proverb about female sexuality - "You can't bake bread in a cold oven." Maybe most modern men don't know how to start/stoke a fire anymore either 😩 Please also do a video on when it's the man refusing sex in a sexless marriage!!!
@infiniteabundant1176 Weak people try to abdicate their responsibilities. Hence why women shirk their responsibilities by blaming men. You sound like someone that is alone. You'll find someone eventually. Don't give up. 🙂
@@Chris-es3wf Can an oven start warming up itself? Men initiate, women reciprocate, that’s just our nature. From the way you think, it sounds like you’ll be the one ending up alone, or at least unable to please a partner. Good luck.
My experience with Asian and Latina women is that usually they expect frequent sex or they think something is wrong. I've never been married to any of them, but I can't imagine the relationship becoming sexless. No way would I still be in a relationship with a woman who cringes from my touch, that's horrible to hear it's a common thing in marriages.
They DON'T always expect sex, but they also don't reject it. I'm a passport bro and im in D.R right now picking up my girl from school. She never says no to me unless she's on her period or something really bad happens. Personally I don't like having to.much sex because I'll end up getting tired and want to jump ship. This is just a bad habit I have psychologically 😅
THIS IS IT!! THIS IS THE PIECE I WAS MISSING!! Thank you for helping me understand the NEED for "tension" & buildup before release. It makes a lot of sense now.
You have to "game your wife". Game is more important in a long term relationship than in the beginning. But most men stop gaming their wives after a couple of years because they're comfortable.
Looks like a man has to keep gaming his wife just to keep his house, money and land. So you have been married 15 years and you have that extra burden over your head everyday ? Your paying the bills, working everyday, keeping up the house, cars and taking the children to the doctors ? Now to have to baby her too ? ....... No thanks.
Difficult to use dread and game in a marriage, when she has all the power and leverage in the marriage and divorce court. Marriage is just not conducive to intimacy.
Most of Southern Europe has always understood this. Sex isn't just in the bedroom. It's expressed 24/7. You should always be somewhat flirty and sexual and women should always be in a slight subconscious or conscious state of arousal throughout the day. It's better for sex and is just more fun for men and women.
What a golden Video! It hurts my heart to know that I might be in a marriage some day with just another man on this planet having no clue how to handle female sexuality and me ending up sexually and emotionally frustrated... And him, too. Is there even a proper way to communicate these facts to a man? What can a women do? It's really not like we want to hurt you guys... We just can't go on like that, our bodies close down 😢
As always, Orion, sooo helpful. I think an idea for an episode would be to talk about people in our life who are perennial victims and blame everyone else for their situation. The folks never seem to take responsibility for their own actions (or inaction) and complain constantly. Why can they not see themselves when it is obvious to everyone around them. How can they break the cycle of blame and victimhood? How should we respond? We all have these people in our lives... help us!!! Thank you again as always?
Sounds like some Narcissism going on there. Cyclical arguments that never get resolved, a lack of empathy, and things just feel off. The result for you is sadness and never, ever feeling validated. It sucks
I was in a sexless marriage. It was my husband (now ex-husband) who refused my advances, most of the time. He never initiated any intimacy. I put up with this for seventeen years. I ended up leaving him. So it's not only men that are in this situation
I just want to add that our courtship which lasted just over a year was very passionate and during that time we had sex nearly every day. As soon as we started living together he completely lost interest in me sexually. It was very baffling and frustrating.
I think you've left some things out because a healthy man would never reject sex from his woman unless there's something wrong. i.e you've gained weight, nagged him on a daily basis etc.
With married japanese couples it actually seems like it's mostly that the men refuses to have sex while her wife wants it, which I find quite interesting, so it's not that uncommon.
@@bellatindale3120how was your hygiene? Did you stink? Did you get FAT? No just a little pudge, but bigger than him? I'm sorry he wasted years of your life. People need to talk about these things. If you communicated that you need intimacy and he refuses, you should've left long ago.
@@robicelusactually men nag women far more than women nag men. And even if a woman put on weight, other men will be interested in having s3x with her. Plus make equipments don’t even work properly. 40-50% men have ED at age 40 and it is only downhill from there. Men also become unattractive as they age and that makes wives lose attraction.
I believe a big part is to keep yourself attractive (as possible) and communication open. Don’t expect someone to read your mind. Men and women are different because nature requires the most widespread traits and skills to be successful.
Please, please, please make an episode like this for women! After years of trying I have finally accepted that my husband is just not interested in sex, I have sexy lingerie, I have kept my weight the same as it was in college, I get plenty of male attention but not at home, I have done the lingerie, perfume, etc, I watched your video on how to act as if you were having an affair and maybe that would help, it didn't help the sex but it did help me accepting things as they are and focusing on myself, however it would be extremely interesting to hear what you have to say about how to bring back sex for women. Thank you.
A man has a better chance at maintaining “adequate” testosterone levels if he gets good sleep, stays physically active, maintains a healthy weight and has proper nutrition. If any of these factors are amiss, that might be an area to target. All the best on your journey.
Does he watch porn? Not necessarily a bad thing, but knowing if he does can inform you about the situation. If he isn't interested in sex at all, that's likely either a medical issue or an INCREDIBLE amount of stress. If he is, you can focus on why that interest is going to porn instead of you. Could be addiction, performance anxiety, a fetish that he doesn't want to discuss... lots of potential causes.
Are you nice to be around, or do you moan and complain at him all the time? If you moan and complain at him all the time, he probably doesn't want to be around you and would prefer to be left alone in peace. I think Dr Orion did a video on this recently.
The key to sex with women is understanding what arouses her. I was ignorant of this for far too long. But thinking back on the ups and downs of my relationships, there's always a very notable thing I did that sparked her desire for sex. Pitty sex doesn't count because you can tell her level of desire based on how much effort she's putting in off the bat. To answer what has aroused my ex's to jump me sexually was when I unapologetically did masculine things and held that masculine frame to the end. The most obvious example I remember is helping her sister with something on her house. Any way you can display masculinity outwardly but also not fumble her image of you by complaining or sounding incapable. Stay positive and unwavering in your confidence.
How do you know what arouses her when she doesn't know? Experiment? She is not interested because she doesn't value the goal. Its hard to appreciate a need that you don't have....or to value getting to a place that you've never been.
You nailed it! I have been trying to communicate it to my boyfriend but he doesn’t understand and take it as rejection. The only thing I disagree is this, don’t smack her in the but if you know she doesn’t like it. I hate when my boyfriend does that and I just want to punch him in the face because I don’t like it and I am tired of asking him to stop doing that.
Damn. That sounds rough. Sorry you have to put up with your boyfriend disrespecting your boundaries like that, but good on you for not reacting violently.
Treat it like a pet problem - you can't just teach them "don't do that" without providing the "but rather do this". Instead of just asking him to stop slapping it, maybe offer him to gently squeeze or caress it INSTEAD. 😉 Just an example. ✌
I totally relate and the more they keep on doing something you specifically said you didn’t like, it’s just makes you annoyed and therefore not at all in the mood because this man cannot listen and adapt accordingly. It’s like he does what he likes and doesn’t care that you don’t, then why would you have sex with such a self-centered person?
Great advice. Love your work. I think the energy of hate, within women, has increased, and this is the core problem. Yes they want us, or at least what we can provide (no one is truly selfless), but they also judge, criticize easily, compare, and often lack the abundant appreciation for us that would be natural and healthy. But don’t blame them. It’s the culture that messes us up, and ours has gone crazy.
Married 44 years to 2nd wife, always got sex pretty much any time I wanted, and sometimes when I didn't, oue relationship is pretty much like the good Dr. Stated we are always touching , smacking and pinching and this goes both ways. Our adult kid have on more than one occasion laughed at us and told us to "get a room" . But they've also told us that they want a marriage like we have. To me thats a compliment.
I love this channel. I learned to no longer be married to the outcome that I truly wanted, and started to be more affectionate and attentive. Now my wife coerces me into situations where we can have the privacy to do the damn thing. And it can literally be anywhere. She’s down!
This advice is good assuming normal psychology. If your partner has a personality disorder, it's useless. Before you try this advice, take stock of your family of origin issues and get an accurate idea of what you've gotten yourself into. Don't try to fix what isn't fixable.
What do I think about your advice? As a man in his 60s who has been married for three decades, I would say you NAILED it. I have listened to a number of your videos and would say the same for all of them so far. I don't listen because I need your advice, but because I truly enjoy listening to your encapsulated, articulate affirmation of what I have learned on my own over the years. Men, if you need help in these areas, I strongly advise listening to Dr. Taraban.
Im going to disagree with the aspect that a woman needs all manner of foreplay, because the reality is if they'd simply remember that sex actually is something they enjoy, then its really a decision to simply receive pleasure for themselves and in the process score points in strengthening their relationship.
Tension and release. Interesting to me as a musician because that is what makes music work. Tension and release. And in music, the more tension, the better the release.
In ancient times, a couple wasn't considered married until they consummated their marriage for the first time. They weren't considered "married" just because they had a wedding ceremony. I think that was a much healthier view of the relationship between marriage and sex than the one we have today in the Western world.
My gf is 61 She s lost interest I am or I was her lover !she s still married by the way to à guy who is not very sensual I know she c diesn t get him from him Is it hormonal Please brothers can you help me out ? Pierre BOISVERT MONTREAL PS IS IT COMMON FOR A 61 O woman TO LOSE HER LIbiDO ?
I still don't understand why men and women in a relationship would want to avoid intimacy and ongoing seduction of each other, every single day and night.. I mean are you not in love then why on earth spend time with each other?
Yes I agree. In both my marriages the sex gradually faded away to rarity. In my 3rd 9 year relationship the sex was constant - we weren't married and both were excited by sex always. Sadly she died. I don't miss the sex just the person I loved.
Marriage under the authority of the state is a contract where only one party is held to their obligations while the other party can drop it all starting at the honeymoon. Just don't do it.
That's pretty sad if you could marry someone who isn't really into you enough to want sex. I think that only happens if the woman is settling for you for security rather than genuine attraction. Knowing the signs of genuine attraction would avoid these problems.
@zinknot regardless EVEN if the attraction is mutal getting married is a HUGE mistake! Funny enough I'm planning on getting married but I'm doing it outside of the u.s.
Marriage is an agreement between husband and state that the wife will have all the leverage and power in the marriage, and that she will get the money, house and kids on divorce.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540Total bullshit!!! Quite the contrary, once married, the husband has TOTAL power over his domestic slave, nanny and future care-giver aka "wife", after baby trapping her and hence being able to hold her hostage with all associated abuse involved... Please, stick to the facts, guys even if it's well known to be difficult for you... 😳🙄
I said to Mrs Toad very early in our relationship that if she turns me down too many times in a row, then we can just be friends and I'll get it somewhere else. She's never turned me down since.
Imagine if men and women listened to Orion more. Would be a lot more stable marriages that's for sure haha. Too bad, licensed psychologists like him are few and far between.
@@toadman5184 actually I am not bitter. The toothbrush was just a funny joke. But she definitely isn't stupid and has leveled the playing field. If she did not come back with a ultimatum for you then she is justify herself somehow. Something she deserves. Maybe she gifts herself, allows herself a extra treat etc. She gave you something it is human nature and definitely female nature to get something in return. No woman is going to be treated that way without justification. She justify what she thinks she deserves in return for never denying you sex.
Also....And probably more importantly... If the emotional connection is dysfunctional, the woman will feel inauthentic, and also resentful that the man has refused to put the necessary effort into that piece of the relationship. Women do not like sex with someone who does not make them feel sexy and loved.
Cool story bro. I'm 38 and the now infertile women my age have only recently given up. I was getting dunked on for being broke by their sisters and friends so I rejected them all for adult films. Now, I just see pre menopausal strangers trying to bany trap a random. Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows and women file 80% of divorces. Ftw.
@@GYMETRIUS How did you misread the context so badly? Answer: you're trying to establish dominance via relational aggression, something primarily studied in girls. I do flips and memorize books. You're just a normal guy.
@@forgottenfuryan I'm definitely a normal guy, and I apologize for misunderstanding your comment. It was a bit rambly and I found it hard to interpret properly. It sounds like you don't think that emotion connection and ability to properly communicate in relationships is important and that you're laughing at those who once treated you poorly. I'd laugh at/ look down on them too, if I was you, but this mentality is not helpful in a relationship and doesn't really mean anything regarding the video or the comment you responded under, unless you could give better context. All I'm saying is being angry at people isn't really a long term solution for your own happiness.
A running theme with all relationship problems seems to be that the man always has to try to fix the problems and be the one to make the woman happy while the woman calls all the shots.
So what you're saying is cutting of cuddling and other soft contact off because she isn't EVER ready was probably a bad thing. I see all that as the prequel, and when the failure to launch inevitable comes, or doesn't, I feel like I've been teased and I'm the worse for wear. Why should I indulge your needs if mine are ignored?
This is the best advice I think I have ever heard. The biggest reason why I refuse to propose to my partner of almost 6 years is because our sex life is on life support and I refuse to marry when we have so little sex, especially when I am in a position to get sex from others very easily if I left my current relationship. But I deeply love her and I refuse to leave just because of sex. That being stated I will take you advice, the theory makes sense regarding classical conditioning I learnt in my basic psych class. Thank you Doctor.
Dr. Orion: Can you make a video about the psychology behind why certain women choose unconventional careers such as EMS, Fire, Police, Law Enforcement? I’ve noticed tendencies from this women to also have a lot of male friends and childhood trauma in the sense of daddy issues or attachment issues later on in life.
That is good advice and I for sure agree with it based on my own marriage and what my wife told me and complained about. Being a man that is attractive to other women helps as well for a wife to show more initiative. Obviously some people just take others for granted. I’m not sure what to think about that issue.
My understanding is that women can use their bodies to support their relationships and their marriage. This can be interrupted by having and caring for children but it must be there or the hope that it will be there at some time. Having a physical relationship with a women is an essential part of being a man be it chemical or hormones or what. Being denied is more than just frustration. There is the real potential that it will lead to very adverse behaviors for men including drinking, smoking and other substitutes that have health issues. A wife as the focus of a sexual desire without release is extremely damaging physically and mentally for men. Outside of marriage this is quite troubling for men as well and there appears to be no sensitivity in women for this internal struggle, they just don't comprehend. Men would want to burn the house down rather than occupy the home for another 30 years of celibacy. I have often felt that a sexual relationship is one of the few human acts that can alleviate the feeling of existential solitude while living on this earth. The thought of this being a permanent condition [in a marriage] for the rest of eternity is an anathema that few can bear.
To me, the key question here is: why put so much effort in a relationship that will keep you putting that much effort every time you want sex? If it doesn't happen naturally, it is not meant to be.
Oh yeah, why the f*ck put so much effort in giving your WIFE - the BARE MINIMUM, namely treating her with kindness and respect, giving her the attention she deserves and being a REAL PROTECTOR and PROVIDER...??! But NO, this is TOO much to ask for... 🙄🙈 The side chick, however, gets ALL THAT FOR FREE and GALORE - without the chores and obligations, of course... That's NOT the way it works, guys...
FACTS. They either want you, or they don't. Enough with this in between, multiple steps to get her to want you BS. If a girl wants you, she will welcome your initiation. Simple as that.
If you have to do all this before the marriage, it'll be the only way to get sex during the marriage. Find a girl who will just disrobe and jump your bones when she gets home, during the dating phase. While this doesn't guarantee that she'll continue to do that, at least you're starting at a higher plane.
Or, just don't sign any contract that she is rewarded for breaking. Marriage is a religious ritual that has devolved into signing paperwork to let the government know you have a girlfriend. As soon as you put your name on that piece of paper, you lose the ability to walk away, the tables turn, and now your girl as at the helm of the relationship, and you will become a statistic. Marriage should be between you, your girl, and God. No one else. You can do it at home, at a church, in public, where ever you please, as long as you do what the holy book describes of the religion you believe in. That also touches upon the fact that only religious people should get married. People who save themselves (and sex) for after the ritual. Most people are not like that, and thus shouldn't get married in my opinion. Marriage is what you make of it, just like a normal relationship. Do not sign the paperwork, do not lose your ability to walk away, and use it to your advantage. Walking away, or the suggestion that you can do so, is your best friend. Do not sever ties with him for a fantasy that you will forever be with one another. Remember fellas, she is not yours, it is just your turn.
Makes no difference. She can be a complete s3x addict, marriage and routine will make her lose attraction for you all the same, and if she loses attraction for you it’s over. Btw it’s worse because the likelihood of her cheating is much higher.
Why doesn't anyone ask why MEN pull away? I've pulled away from my partner before due to not having my needs met, but I don't see women EVER ask what they could do for their man. It's all "me me me me meeeee" :/ I feel like a sex toy sometimes.
That's not true sir, a lot of women such as myself care great deal about our men, mentally emotionally and physically. I always ask my husband how he is feeling, and his desires are always reciprocated. I also take initiative because I find him very attractive. I compliment him that it's hard to keep my hands off him which is 100% honesty from my side. So, not all of us women are a lost cause.
@@deepalall647 a few women maybe. Less than 5%. Not a lot. In any case, we are not taking your word for it. If we knew you, we would make the assessment based on your actions when you are unaware. We might take your husband's word, to the degree to which he is self-reliant i.e. not controlled by you. Not all women, but the overwhelming majority, meaning more than 95%...So enough for a decision to be made as if it was ALL women.
@@janushomer9111 I was addressing @Saphirefenix, and if that’s the case, we can’t take your word for it also. You have to show the date based on your survey/interview with women and men all around the world and provide authentic statistics how you came to the conclusion that 95% women are after money and only 5% women are real. See, it is easy to throw majority of women under the bus in anger and frustration without knowing them on a personal level. Those 95% women may include your extended family as well since you are very certain about the percentage. I am not here to pick a fight about men vs women. I am happy in my marriage and just wanted to remind the OP that a lot of us women do care genuinely.
@@janushomer9111 Yeah, it's pretty universal. Women are solipsistic. My partner would probably say the same thing as the gal above because she slaps my ass and tells me how attractive I am all the time. But all that does is serve to tease me and leave me unsatisfied. If they feel they are doing a good enough job, then in their mind they are, evidence be damned. They'll go off on me about how "actions speak louder than words" when I keep being forgetful and apologize for forgetting little things that bother them, but god forbid I say the same thing back XD (eg. I can't be on my phone around them or it upsets them, but they are on their phone 24/7 on FB or TikTok, if I wrote a list we'd be here all day). Relationships with women are all double-standards, every single one I've ever been in has been filled with double standards. And they can do no wrong in their mind. I love my partner to death, we get along great, are the best of friends, play games and have so much fun together living daily life which is why I married them. But they SUCK at relationships and feel no need to even try to improve or lookup how to be a good/better partner, how to be better in bed, what men like etc. Which is something I've been researching about women since highschool. Men are always trying to improve, out-compete other men etc. It's unfair, but it is life. This is how evolution made us and we're in this snapshot of human history so we gotta live with it. Maybe in thousands of years if we are selective about who we breed with we could improve this. But unfortunately I think the world is going more the way of the movie Idiocracy than that lol.
I had a first date with a psychologist a few days ago. She talked about her male clients and their confusion as to why their wives didn’t want them. These are wealthy successful men. I said something to the effect that the pool boy is more stimulating. They need to find their inner pool boy and stop believing they were entitled to sex with their wives. That seemed to work pretty well for me and the date on the beach.
> they were entitled to sex with their wives But the wives are still entitled to their husband's resources, commitment, time and security, right? Interesting that it works that way.
These tactics works if your wife still finds you attractive and it can pursuade her to get back in the mood. However, if she doesn't find you attractive or isn't willing to make an effort to keep the marriage together. As that old metaphor not "willing to paddle the canoe" You're marriage will not last the distance. If there are no kids count your loss and move on...
Good advice, however ill just say as a man that was in a sexless relationship for 3 years. If its gotten to the point for you where she doesnt even wanna touch you, rejects you every time and acts like your touch is unwanted, just leave, get out trust me. Do yourself a favor and find a woman whos libido matches yours. They ARE out there, I assumed they werent until I found one myself. Itll be the best thing you ever did for yourself, I promise you. Being with a woman that welcomes your initiations and even makes her own, thats the one you want to keep.
The one thing Orion is not willing to say is.. the seed creates multiple options of fruit, the seed that ferments gets cultivated. While the woman wants the best fruit, a man wants all the fruit. How does a man keep getting excited by the same singular fruit, taste the other ones too. The wisest gardener knows how to tend to his soil to give him the best output options.
Men think to highly of theirself. All that does is create more women who talk about you in past tense. The things women say.. but keep going you think you are doing good. 😂
As Dr Orion alluded to at the start of the video, marriage causes sexlessness. Marriage provides a woman with too much comfort and security, i.e. marriage is not conducive to intimacy. If you weren't married and she was worried about losing you, she would jump on right away.
As a woman, the DUMBEST thing EVER to do is getting married... Chances are that you catch an abusive narcissist which means life-long (if you're completely out of luck) exploitation, servitude, abuse,violence and the list goes on and on... 😳😱 Hands off, ladies!
No, this is a false assumption, because marriages tend to cause wives more stress, double duties and worries: not more comfort and security. Measurable stress-levels in the blood of women, like when in returning home from work, function opposite to the feminine sex-hormones that are positive for women wanting sex.
@@DNA350ppm you have made the classic mistake of conflating two separate issues. When I say comfort and security I am talking from a mate acquisition and resources acquisition point of view (not hormones and emotions which are always going to be fluctuating). If the man stays at home and helps out domestically, the wife will stress out and say why the husband is not ambitious and why is he not working overtime. The wife will always going complain regardless.
He failed to mention that female promiscuity plays a major role in all of this. Female mating strategy dictates they "tolerate" intimacy until her goal of marriage is achieved. After that, she owes you NOTHING!!! This is especially true for serial monogamist.
I understand what he's saying and he's not wrong... but to keep up low grade romantic/sexual tension all the time is exhausting. Especially when it seems like it's a very one-sided conversation that you're trying to have or that what you're doing comes down to behavioral conditioning. Bottom line, if it was important to her, she would do it. More accurately, if it were important to her to do it WITH YOU, she would. If you don't bring out that longing in a person, then you don't. There's no way to change this. Best advice I can give you is to find someone that DOES long for physical intimacy with you and and enjoy THAT person.
@psychacks EXCELLENT ADVICE! After 30+ years of marriage and 3 kids, now grown and out of the house, we have a wonderful marriage. It takes 2 but 1 has to lead. You mentioned foreplay and your direction around how to build that tension is spot on! Joking (but not joking), foreplay in your committed marital relationship begins the moment you've caught your breath after love-making.
There’s a theory, that I wish I could remember where I read it, that talked about (and I’m paraphrasing here) how one or both partners tend to get turned off as a result of living together after a period of time. Something related to our primal nature and inner caveman, and how families live together and you take on perhaps a brother and sister familiarity vibe, and how you’re not supposed to have sex with your family member as it would be incest and thus bad for genetic reproduction, therefore we’re specifically wired to not have sexual desire for someone you live with. I realize that may be far fetched, and there’s obviously normal couples out there that still have healthy sex lives. But I wouldn’t just dismiss this theory either. Maybe it happens more so for some rather than others. And some not at all. The more we dig into human biology and evolutionary psychology, the more dots we are connecting with a lot of this stuff. Food for thought.
Hey Doctor, yesterday talk was Amazing... a Revelation for the Most of us... Please extend in that line on that subject: Maybe more examples and defenitely in the Relationship field 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Wives often age physically faster than the husband and don’t hold up as well as him. Their fertility window also being lots narrower decreases their desire and sex tends to fall off the cliff after the kids are done.. These factors will often create an insurmountable hurdle. Most men just didn’t realize that at the beginning. Like trying to ignite a pile of wet oak.
Too true, now that I am older (60) I still only date women very early 40s but mostly in their 30s. Men's sex drive stays if you stay healthy, and a lot of women look much worse than their husbands in their 40s and 50s. The old deal was women marry men when they are young and beautiful and men look after them in their later years, that has now been thrown out the window in Western societies. I just don't find women much over 40 sexually attractive, especially if they have been in the Sun a little too much and haven't got control of the food input process.
I'm a guy in my early 20s, and some of the comments here surprise me; guys complaining how they're sexless after 20 years of marriage and want their wives to f*ck them more. Like, unless she takes care of herself very well, I don't understand how one can be attracted to a fat woman in her 50s or 60s.
This is true. A woman falls apart after menopause. You pretty much can kiss sex goodbye but still have to put up with all her emotional bullshit. The best part is you aren’t allowed to fuck anyone else. lol
I never understand why people say you have to be married for these issues to happen. You just have to be in a long term relationship with somebody or and also have children with that person, to experience the feeling of rejection. Marriage is a piece of paper.
Im curious about something. Theres all this reaponsibilities for the man to do x, y and z etc. What are the reaponsibilitues for the women in a reslationship??
Love your chats and I'm an avid listener.. However on this I have a few disagreements... Firstly sex in a marriage should be a duty if nothing else. I don't see women being asked to 'foreplay' with men before they demand the duties of the man.... I became exhaused just listening the hoops we are to jump.. every time?.life's exhausting enough...I get it... a woman has to be in the mood too but its equally her duty to work towards it... I have tried many of these tactics but if she decides she doesn't wanna... it wont work...men have more drive than women and if the woman wants exclusively then its her job to make up for the difference... If women understand that it's also a duty, they will be more receptive to these advances which will motivate the man more...otherwise this may just end up making sex a prize you either win or fail to win... This performance standards may complicate attitudes further... Besides.. they have no problems with the Chad at the bar or as a girlfriend working towards marriage.... just my thoughts...
you need to almost cheat on her, get out, flirt with women, feel the desire again and your confidence will go trough the roof. Your woman will notice it.
This is why it is super stupid for a man to enter a marriage to begin with. You are legally obligated to keep your part of the relationship to her (provide and support), but she has no legal obligation to give anything back. You should 1. Never enter into a relationship that you cannot leave 2. If your woman don't want to have sex with you anymore, she is not your woman. Spend your time dating other women instead, and when you find someone better you leave your old partner for the partner that does want to have sex with you.
Just a question, and I don't mean to be combative with it: If you were to find someone who you're optimally compatible with, and over time there's very little conflict and consistently good intimacy in the relationship. Someone who you're at peace with and they show every sign of being at peace with you. Would you not appreciate that situation for the rare gem that it is and do what you can to keep and maintain it, including marriage? Or do you even see that as a possible outcome?
@ALForb, if there's no sex, there's no compatibility at all. Why are you even mentioning optimal compatibility?! So, there is no need to fight for the relationship. Your question is stupid and disregarded everything the original commenter stated. You moved the goalpost completely. I am being combative with it. 😂
I disagree with the good doctor here. It is too much work. Imagine doing that and not getting sex at the end of the day. Get a girl horny for you or one that understands that this is the one thing she cannot deny you if she wants the relationship to continue. Public service announcement to all the men in sexless or infrequent sex relationships. Leave that woman! A female commenter above made the comment that she never denied her romantic partners sex. So there are women like that out there. Ive had both. And the ones who deny sex are useless! They are parasites.
@@mann8098 The OP began his comment with this sentence: "This is why it is super stupid for a man to enter a marriage to begin with." I was questioning an absolute statement that presupposed incompatibility.
@ALForb absolute statements are deliberate because they spur discussion and debate. I want to learn something. Maybe someone has an insight about this I've never heard. Maybe I come across someone closer to truth. You, my friend, got nothing but fancy vocabulary and some bad faith. But for all intents and purposes, useless.
Why did sex leave the relationship? I am the same. SHE CHANGED! She is no longer the woman I fell in love with. She used to desire me and want to have sex with me, now she has no desire and makes excuses so in my mind, I went from a lover to a sugar-daddy good for nothing but to pay the bills, buy her things and do half the housework with NO REWARD!!!!!! The last time I had sex was a few months ago when she was stoned from a doctor's appt. Before that was March and before that was before my daughter moved back almost two years ago. Iam still the same, she just gives me lectures about how she needs more time,, now! We used to go straight to sex and SHE CHANGED!!!!! Why should I remain with her when I have to do all that work to get what should be my due and was regular, often three days a week every week. NOW I have to PAY for sex. NOW I have to WOIRK for sex. NOW sex is her telling me that she thinks I should be neutered and she only gives in to stop me from whining. We had fun and SHE CHANGED so now I have to work to get what we did always. THIS IS NOT FAIR TO MEN!!!!!
I feel your pain. I've been in a similar position to you. It's quite possible that she has changed. If you're honest with yourself though, have you also changed? Do you have any part to play in the problem? I would be very surprised if it's 100% her fault. What can you do to take responsibility for your own failings? Acting like a victim is not going to fix anything.
@@mdhazeldineMen don't change, we just have more money for toys. My change was when I allowed my homeless daughter to move in with me... Her change was she put on 50+ pounds and changed her meds. But other women change and put on weight just because they do.
@@richardjohnson4052 Men do change. I get that you're hurt (I really know what hurt is. I was cheated on multiple times), but you're really hurting yourself even more if you play the victim and don't take personal responsibility for things you may have either done, not done or stopped doing. I'm just trying to help.
@@XTheSpartanX7 There is a graph from a study from some university I cannot remember but the graph stuck. Basically the 7-year itch is when the husband becomes so comfortable with his wife that he desires intimacy more so his sex drive increases because he loves her and is so comfortable with her he ignores his guy-friends to be with her. For women, the 7-year itch is when she gets bored with the same man and the same penis and the same techniques and wants something different. At 7 years the man is more faithful and sexual, the women is less faithful and less sexual with her husband but more sexual with her lover.
