What is Al Anon | 12-Step Family Meetings | My Al-Anon Experience

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Al Anon is a 12-Step recovery program for family members, friends and loved ones of individuals who are struggling with alcoholism. There are also other 12-Step family recovery programs, such as Nar Anon and Fam Anon. In this video I share information about these programs and my personal experience with Al Anon.
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I Can’t Stop Crying…..
I can’t stop crying
Thinking of you dying
This pain in my heart
Is tearing me apart
What have I done
To my beautiful son
Feels like only yesterday
Your life had just begun
Precocious and so smart
Gifted from the very start
On stage your star burned bright
Guided by an inner light
Your future seemed certain delight
But darkness came to call
Took away it all
Spiraling down a hole
Your addiction took control
Body, mind and soul
Can’t live in the why
The what or the who
It doesn’t help me
It doesn’t help you
There’s nothing I can do
It’s all up to you
The more that I try
I assist you to die
I love you so
I want you to know
I’d lay down my life
To make it alright
To see you get well
Not living this hell
I can’t stop crying
Thinking of you dying
This pain in my heart
Is tearing me apart
Written on September 18, 2009
My Little One…
What has become of my little one?
Captured soul, mind control
Eyes so bleak I cannot speak
My heart aches, my heart breaks
As the wicked blue pill consumes you
I try to be strong, pretend nothing is wrong
Some nights it goes on and on and on
Robbed sleep, anger grows deep
Sometimes all I do is weep
Will you break, before I wake?
People say you’ll find your own way
But it’s so hard to know, so hard to let you go
I want to guide you, I want to protect you
I want to engage you, I want to save you
From yourself my son, my first-born little one
How far must you fall?
Do you really have to lose it all?
It’s strictly up to you
There is only so much a Mother can do
My love for you will never cease
First born son, memories of my little one
Thy will, not mine, be done

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21 сен 2024

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Комментарии : 249

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

Do you have any experience having a loved one with substance abuse or addiction issues? Do you have a loved one who has recovered from addiction? Do you have experience with AlAnon or any other family recovery program? Leave a COMMENT and you will hellp others 💜

@bobhunley1398 3 года назад

You can go to both.

@karencondon2003 2 года назад

@@bobhunley1398 Yes 🙏🏼

@elamarie2794 Год назад

It's been a week today that my son went detox/treatment

@DRKJFOSTER Год назад

@@elamarie2794 That sounds like good news 🙏

@vikki4now Год назад

I have been a grateful member of alanon for 17yrs. It saved me and my kids. I hope a someone who needs this hears you.

@DRKJFOSTER Год назад

AlAnon is a wonderful program. Glad it has helped you.

@stephaniem2743 2 года назад

I've gone to 5 weekly al-anon meetings and finished reading the introductory book. It is changing my life so much for the better. I look forward to healing and growing in this program. The slogan "progress, not perfection" is helping me as I try to IMPLEMENT what I'm learning. Thank you for this video and for sharing your beautiful poem ❤️

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Hi Stephanie! Glad to hear Al-Anon is helping you. It was life-changing for me as well! Much good luck to you on your recovery journey. Thanks for watching.

@leereeder2293 3 года назад

Guys I have 9 years in Nar-Anon and almost 23 in Al-Anon as I'm greatful that I can serve these programs well

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Hi Lee - Thank you for your service to these programs. I'm so grateful for the people who were there for me and those, like yourself, who continue to give back 💜🙏🤗

@Zincchromeshema 3 года назад

I can really relate to what you are saying.. Having my son and daughter leave was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I even had to call a crisis line and go into a behavior health unit (psyche ward) to get the support I needed to go to Al anon where I am slowly learning the ropes of taking care of myself. I hope the best for all who are in this difficult situation.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Hi Lili - thanks for sharing your experience. I am so glad to know you found help with AlAnon. It truly saved me, and my son.

@jaynewt 3 года назад

the fact that al-anon exists is so sad to me as an alcohlic, i don’t realize how much i impact my loved ones because of my drinking and i’m so ashamed to affect them negatively.. i don’t mean to

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Yes, that is what I try to help family members to understand. Your loved one doesn't understand the impact. The good news is that you are now aware and can make different choices. Thanks for watching.

@SuperMrHiggins 3 года назад

Ditto. Use that shame as motivation. Best wishes.

@SuperMrHiggins 3 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER thanks, for what you do.

@raek8940 2 года назад

Jay Newton do not be sad, it really helps us help ourselves and, I hope, to help our loved one who suffers from alcohol.

@dee5331 2 года назад

Untreated al anon's are addicted to managing and controlling other adults!

@MsVillagegreen 5 месяцев назад

This is such an awesome video about the program. I've been in recovery for 14 years and it has changed my life- for the better. Its such an incredible fellowship. 12 steps changes lives. Thank you

@DRKJFOSTER 5 месяцев назад

Wonderful!

@birgitjackson5386 4 года назад

Thank you for your video! I will have been with Al-Anon for two years in July, and it's saved my life. Raising twin girls (14) is hard enough, but with active alcoholism in the house - a true challenge! The program helps me be a healthier mom for my girls. I wish I didn't procrastinate with the Steps so much! Love the program, different meetings, members, literature and my sponsor! Hope is the first thing I got after my initial meeting(s), but I received so much more!

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

Thanks for watching and sharing your experience 💜

@gabriellacrystal9986 4 года назад

Hey Dr. KJ My husband is an alcoholic I stayed for so long because he convinced me that it was best for our daughter (she’ll be two next month). I love her so much that I was suffering in this marriage because I believed it was what was best for her. Now though his drinking is affecting her, I separated from him temporarily. This is so hard though and I am barely keeping it together. I want to help him and get him to recover.

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

The best way you can help him, Gabriella, is to help yourself. Like you said, it is impacting your daughter and it has/is impacting you. Check out my Free 7-Day Family Training Video Series. Hopefully that will help.

@authenticelli416 2 года назад

Hope things are better now! Go you for taking a partial separation. Hope you were able to work on yourself to be able to take serene actions for yourself!

@cindyrobertson3798 2 года назад

I hope you save yourself and your daughter

@TxHoneyBee Год назад

Hey there. How are things going now? I hope life is better for you and your daughter.

@vikki4now Год назад

You can I only help yourself and your daughter. You are powerless over alcohol. Al anon is a good place to start self care. It's free and the meetings are in every town around the world.

@karencondon2003 4 года назад

Al-Anons books were a awakening moment for me especially “Courage To Change” ❤️🙏❤️

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

Yes, love that too!

@Christina-Olivia 4 года назад

Can you please suggest some more books like this that were helpful to you? Thanks in advance.

@ldfalknor3 3 года назад

@@Christina-Olivia Google "Al-Anon books." I've read a lot of them, and they all were beneficial to me.

@rosecrow810 Год назад

Thank You for taking the time to create and share this absolutely amazing story. You are an excellent speaker and helping a lot of viewers ❤️

@DRKJFOSTER Год назад

Thank you, Rose. I appreciate your kindness 🥰

@howtocreateyourlife 3 года назад

Thankyou so much for making this. I just lost my mom to her addiction a few weeks ago and I’m finally beginning to want to work through these feelings that are separate from the grief. I’m so afraid to go into an al anon meeting and feel like I could’ve done so much more if I would have gone a long time ago, but I want to heal the pain and trauma this has caused for me so much.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

I am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand your fear of going to an AlAnon meeting and how that has the potential to make you feel worse. I would recommend a more generalized grief group, perhaps of individuals who have lost loved ones or lost parents for various reasons, rather than AlAnon. Please know that there is nothing you "could have" or "should have" done differently. Anyone who suggests otherwise is wrong. Your mother had a powerful illness that many others have lost their lives to as well. You did the best you could and now it is time for you to take care of you, be good to yourself and focus on healing in a compassionate and loving environment. AlAnon would not be the best place to support that. There are often a lot of angry people in AlAnon and those negative emotions are not what you need right now. I'm sending you prayers for healing.

@authenticelli416 2 года назад

Go you for wanting to recover and heal for yourself! Hope you are doing well and were able to find the hope that I, and others, have found in the meetings. You are worthy of healing!

@VisiV 3 года назад

Thanks for posting this. My meeting didn't show up tonight but this is where I landed, and it's just what I needed to hear.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Glad it was helpful!

@Dave183 3 года назад

Alanon family member from New Zealand. Thanks you so much ma'am...

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

You’re welcome 😊 Hello, from South Florida!

@dianemcmahan5159 9 месяцев назад

Thank you for these kind words and I will you well as you continue on your spiritual journey. 🙏🏼🦋

@dianemcmahan5159 9 месяцев назад

Wish you well that should say. Tiny keyboard 😬

@DRKJFOSTER 9 месяцев назад

Thank you ❤️

@Lovechillcoffee 2 года назад

I started Al-Anon and after a while I realized that I also had a drinking problem, it’s crazy how it was an eye opener for me. But I was an Al-Anon before an Alcoholic though, I’m an adult child of an alcoholic plus the father of my kids was an abusive alcoholic, my drinking didn’t get outta control after I left him. I’m 7 years sober right now 😊 my birthday is 1/01/14 I will be 8 soon.

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Congrats on your 7 years, Lucy! I've met many people who were introduced to AA the same way. They refer to it as coming "through the back door." Wishing you a happy holiday, happy new year.... and, happy birthday!!

@Lovechillcoffee 2 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER Thank you so much!!!

@michelangelope830 2 года назад

I went to an Al-anon meeting to explain what is addiction and to confirm my theory that liars fool liars. Liars reject the truth. Victimism runs in families. Partners of addicts act out the role of martyr, believe the addict is a victim and want others to believe the same. Addiction is the psychology of a liar, only liars get hooked and only honesty gets freedom. The tragedy of addiction is children who revenge a childhood hurt, or trauma, against their parents becoming victims of themselves so as to conceal the hatred to hurt others.

@marcysikes 2 года назад

Thank you for this video! This is a good video for people who can’t wrap their mind around what Al-Anon can do for them. Unfortunately some people are like I was. I went to Al-Anon to find out how to save my children from alcohol and drug addiction. When told that Al-Anon was for about me, I became frustrated. Help my children and then help me! I spent several more years trying to change something I had no power over. I had to come to the end of myself. Nothing I tried to do to help my children worked. When I was ready to receive from Al-Anon their “experience, strength and hope” I began to heal. I wish I could say my children are okay. The oldest is doing well but will not even consider AA or Al-Anon. I preached AA and Al-Anon to my family. “They knew I was trying to change them” and reacted normal. Don’t we all resist someone who is trying to control us! I kept going and growing. Eventually I understood. My youngest son is now 41. He has been using drugs since he was a young teen. He has spent way too long in jail. He has had some good recovery and blossomed as a man and found much healing. Now he has been in jail for over a year. He will probably be sentenced soon. Thank God for Al-Anon and NA. I do not walk this road alone. I have hope but do not allow expectations to dictate my well being. The Serenity Prayer is my constant companion. As you said there are good 12. Step groups and some that are not so good. It is important to try a few groups and then to comment to going to 6 meetings at least before deciding if Al-Anon is for you. Thank you again.

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Hi Marci - Thank you so much for watching and for sharing your personal experience! I apologize for the late response. I'm just seeing your comment now. I hope you have a wonderful day.

@marcysikes 2 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER Thank you for responding! Update: my son was released from jail after 16 months! He is court ordered to Drug Court (a state run program for addicts. We are so thankful that he did not get prison! As long as he stays clean and completes the program his charges will be dropped upon completion (18months- 2 years to complete). If he relapses or gets into trouble he will go to prison for 12 years! I am happy and worried at the same time. Zach is vulnerable. So glad I have Al-Anon to support me through this one day at a time!

@michelangelope830 2 года назад

@sarahpruitt6854 Год назад

Thank you very much for this sharing. I am a counseling student doing school work for Foundations of Addiction and this has tremendously help me understand Al-anon.

@DRKJFOSTER Год назад

I'm so glad you found it helpful.

@stop5gnowandrespectlife394 3 года назад

When someone tells you that you may be loving your alcoholic to death, they don't know the actual 12 Step program. Remember, you are only one of your alcoholic's enablers, only one person out of the many that the alcoholic can and will lean on in his nightmare of drinking. Your love and enabling actions don't cause an alcoholics death. Death is not in your power. As a mother, yes, you should set firm boundaries, first for your own good in order to thrive, and second so as not to be a major player in his drinking. It's tricky. Great wisdom is needed. We were not schooled in such things. Wisdom comes to you through serious study of recovery books and videos. But do set boundaries you can live with. If your alcoholic is disruptive or distructive there are other workable options other than throwing him/her out to the streets. That's the old 1970s "Tough Love" way to do things and it didn't work very well. (Besides that, there are far more professional enablers out there than you could ever imagine.) History has proven that more loving wisdom, and wisdom based family activities and conversations are more productive. After all addiction is about deep unresolved shame, guilt, grief, terror, anxiety, depression and lack of knowing one's value and his (slim) community options. It takes time and wise loving steps for things to turn around for the better but wisdom is seriously called for. (Wisdom goes deeper than having great information. It's akin to information plus an inner faith and clear, calm, firm, benevolent knowingness.) Wise/loving action works better than alienation, and a hysterical adversarial position. No one loves another person to death

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Absolutely agree 💯 Always seek multiple recommendationa abd professional advice from someone who has extensive experience working with individuals with suds. There is much confusion regarding what is enabling and what is unconditional love. I certainly would not make the same choices based on what I know today. In fact, going from the old school tough love concept to learning about compassion and choosing compassion, is what has truly healed my family. Thank you for your post 💜

@stop5gnowandrespectlife394 3 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER So happy to hear your family is healing with compassion rather that through fear of the future if the addiction continues. Thank you for all the work you have done to enable you to come to this most productive conclusion ... And for showing me the support I thrive on regarding my (unpopular) belief. I could talk for hours on the urgent healing need that the enablers actually have in this saga. In my work I have found that enablers are more harmful and more difficult to cope with than drugs are. Sorry to be so blunt.

@stop5gnowandrespectlife394 3 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER Thank you for being the catalyst to deeper understanding. You have no idea how helpful it has been to me personally to be writing this stuff today in my quest for understanding the broader picture whin my own family. Praises be to all the helpers involved in our awakening!

@kq2191 2 года назад

Your honesty is so refreshing, I’m stating Al anon this week, thank you for your video ❤️

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

I'm glad you found it beneficial. Good luck to you with AlAnon.

@stacyleeseers 4 года назад

Thank you so much for this video. I really needed it

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

Hi Stacy, I'm so glad to know you found it helpful 💜

@antoinettemchale1697 3 года назад

Excellently presented. This is exactly what I needed to hear today.

@Jack-il3qv 5 месяцев назад

I found the Anonymity of Al Anon, which is the spiritual foundation of all Al Anon principles, to be helpful. What is shared in meetings should be treated as confidential and not shared outside the group. Members should not disclose the identities of other members or any personal information shared in meetings. Anonymity should be respected beyond the meeting and in any public spaces or online forums where members interact.

@heidipurcell7606 4 года назад

Thank you for this information. Your poetry expresses thoughts and feeling I have had. We mothers feel like the walking wounded. There is hope, thank you!

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

I'm so glad you found hope in the poems. They were written during a time when I didn't have much hope for my son's recovery and when I was feeling completely powerless and overwhelmed by it all. Today, we are better than we ever were before, both strong and healthy. Never lose hope 💜💪🙏

@doreenhoff3370 3 года назад

Yes...as a mom it does feel like the walking wounded. I had never heard that expression before. We need to recover to.

@doreenhoff3370 3 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER Thank you for the video. My son has had a major relapse. Your words especially when you mentioned the word contributing to his addiction really caught my attention. I am 25 years sober but I need al anon. Thank you

@darrenk3424 3 года назад

That's very true about everyone needing to make changes. I'm 3 years sober, did the steps, therapy and meetings. I have changed. I don't have a family of my own but I have siblings and they have not changed at all. I have distanced myself from them now as I have some of the warning signs of relapse. I can't talk to them about it unfortunately so I must avoid them. Just so tired of it now I wish all on here the best on your journey whether its for yourself/loved one or both. Great Vid👍

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Thank you, Daz. You are doing what's best to protect yourself and your sobriety. It's difficult and it takes courage. Congrats on your 3 years!

@dogsitterlife5023 3 года назад

We all need to find healthy ways to feel okay. Exercise, good sleep etc. It's a journey.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Yes, absolutely! Thanks for watching.

@petrastrong7799 2 года назад

My late mother similarly had trouble “sticking with” the AA process - and we eventually lost her to the disease. So I want to say thank you to all who face that trouble but stick with the process - whether aa or Al anon. Stick with it! You can do it!

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother, Petra. It's so painful when we can't help those we love. Thanks so much for the encouragement 🌺💜

@tracybarwick2208 4 месяца назад

Very good alanon support

@dlight2669 Год назад

A lot of people have different definitions of codependency for me codependency was addicts wanting to be taken care of expecting me to arrange my life so that they can engage in their addictions, support their addictions, and take care of them when they would not take care of themselves.

@DRKJFOSTER Год назад

Thanks for sharing your experience. What you are describing is more dependency or a dependent personality type than codependency. Family members and people who experience substance use disorders can struggle with codependency. There are indeed many forms/ characteristics of codependency.

@PutTheShovelDown 3 года назад

Great video. Very inspirational! Thanks for that 👍🏼

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Thanks, Amber. Love the work you are doing. So coming from you, this really means a lot!

@architechofreality Год назад

Both of my sisters have married drunks. I loathe alcohol and both of their mates but love my sisters. I am struggling to deal with staying with one of them and want to support them but it is obvious that they have settled for losers and it breaks my heart. They will not leave these drunks so how do others cope with these types of situations?

@DRKJFOSTER Год назад

AlAnon or CODA meetings is a good place to start. Or getting your own counseling to learn skills and strategies that will improve your ability to cope.

@samanthamariah7625 2 года назад

My AH enables my AS in his addiction. I can’t stop it. I think the only thing I could do is move out. But that will not change them and so I choose not to. Al-Anon has helped me to focus on myself and detach with love from them. But it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Hi Samantha - I'm sorry to hear of your suffering and struggles, but glad to know that Al-Anon has helped you. It's a difficult experience to navigate, but you are taking some very important and powerful steps to take care of yourself. Good luck to you and your loved one. Thanks for watching and sharing your experience.

@michelangelope830 2 года назад

@barrymotiva3387 4 года назад

Thank you very helpful and just what I needed. I was amazed at the way you were able to take off your "stethoscope" and share your own story like a member. thanks again_

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

Glad it was helpful!

@darylsned 2 года назад

I thank you so much for this video. Almost 9 years clean but dealing with ex husband due to my daughter lives there. Attitudes and behavior of others is painful. I know I don’t own it but I added to it back in the day when I left due to my addiction. I’m going to give this a thought. Your amazing!

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Congrats on your 9 years!! That's wonderful. Also appreciate the kind words. Good luck with your daughter 💟

@dawnandy7777 4 года назад

My sister just buried her 45 year old son. She never owned up to her issues, let alone the impact upon her son. She's heartbroken. Just sad.

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I have no doubt your sister is hearbroken. It is the worst pain imaginable. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

@dawnandy7777 4 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER Thank you.

@michelangelope830 2 года назад

@dawnandy7777 2 года назад

@@michelangelope830 Well said. I was browsing in a bookstore decades ago, a book by Scott Peck literally fell off a shelf and hit my head. It was "People of the Lie." It was transformative for me as years of reading, including a degree, simple didn't "speak" to me. But the psychology of people described in this book captured my family perfectly, in later years my husband's family too. I wonder how many families?

@maryy8902 Год назад

In al anon 4 years great programme if you attend regularly you will learn so mutch takes time to get the programme but for me it works how to deal with enabling and doing things for the alcholic which is stoping them getting sober it a programme for me getting well no 1 else

@dickturpin2035 2 года назад

I have heard that it is a wonderful experience to be trusted with the contents of conversations and events in AA and Alanon meetings.

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Hi Dick - As I share in the video, I highly recommend Al-Anon. I don't believe my son would have recovered had it not been for my participation in Al-Anon. I learned so much. Thanks for watching.

@amyinabinette6543 3 года назад

Your poems are lovely. Thank you for sharing your story.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Thank you so much, Amy! I appreciate you watching and letting me know you enjoyed the poems.

@juliagritzbach 3 года назад

Thank you for this video ~ I’m going through this currently with my boyfriend. It’s so hard ~ going to my first al anon meetings on zoom today. Thank you, this made me sad to watch but thank you for this and that you’re being strong! 🥺

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Hi Julia - I know it's hard, but you are stronger than you know, and you are growing as a result of this. Sending out prayers for you and your boyfriend 🙏💜

@juliagritzbach 3 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER thank you so much for saying that. It is hard, but only can improve and heal yourself first ~ these videos are truly eye opening and really informative

@chellybelle77 3 года назад

I am watching this, before my first zoom al anon meeting. I'm so tired and feel so very stuck

@57msdeb 3 года назад

I haven’t been to a meeting yet but I need to go. Thank you for this video. It gives me hope for me and my adult child.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

I'm glad you found hope in the video. Al-Anon helped me so much. You may also want to try one of the free Fostering Resilience meetings I offer on line via Zoom. You can register on my website at drkjfoster.org Thanks for watching!

@vikki4now Год назад

Try one Al anon meeting. It's free and meetings are everywhere.

@katringabitova4833 3 года назад

such beautiful poems. Thank you for sharing your story. It inspires me. I am in love-addicted support group, started 1 month ago

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Thank you, I appreciate you watching. It's great that you are taking action to take care of yourself.

@debbiekelly6835 2 года назад

Thank you so much for your video and the poems. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

You are so welcome! Glad you liked it. Sorry for the late reply. I'm just catching up on my comments.

@MrBrindleStyle 3 года назад

Thankyou - this was great.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

You're very welcome! Thanks for watching.

@Christina-Olivia 4 года назад

Thank you for posting these poems

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

Thanks for watching. I'm glad you enjoyed them.

@natasha1061 2 года назад

I love alanon and codependents anonymous. I’ve been going for 10 years it’s been life changing in a very positive way. A therapist told me about it (after a string of therapists) It’s basically free group therapy

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Yes, 💯 Thanks for sharing, Natasha!

@kim-v8m3r 3 года назад

Thank You! Very Helpfull!

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Glad it helped!

@camdentown69 Год назад

I am a adult Trauma child , my dad drank 7 days a week, my mam also drank but she was left to care for her 5 children, I grew to be ferrel and married alcoholic, my whole family don't talk to me. I'm settled in a good marriage , but I miss my relationship with my family, I hope Al anon will help me , thank you love UK

@DRKJFOSTER Год назад

Much good luck to you, Helen. Sorry to hear about your situation with your family. Sorry also for the late response. I'm just seeing this.

@architechofreality Год назад

I grew up with a violent drunk for a father and both of my sisters are married to drunks. It makes me sad and sick to my stomach. I want to support them but a actually hate the men my sisters married. They are hurting our entire family. I do not buy the “disease” excuse. I see them as selfish and weak. I cannot respect grown men behaving like sloppy, aggressive losers and watching my sisters tolerate this behaviour for years. I wish they would dump these losers but they won’t. It causes so many problems.

@camdentown69 Год назад

@@architechofreality we are powerless over people. You just have to be successful in your life

@popkitlum8415 3 года назад

Your poems are beautiful

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Thanks so much, Helen. Glad you enjoyed them.

@Karen19820 10 месяцев назад

Very Heloful! Thank you! ⚜️

@dee0731 2 года назад

Thank you for this 🙌🏻🌞

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Thanks for watching!

@reneemoore6249 4 года назад

I wish my mom could have overcome her pride to go to alanon for me. She never did. You are a good person.

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

Thank you so much, Renee. I'm sorry I am just seeing this comment. Your Mom is like many family members I encounter. They just can't seem to understand how they are impacted and the role they play. Thanks for sharing your experience, and for your support.

@bettyjohnson20 8 месяцев назад

Hi. My Son is battling Chrystal meth. It's very hard. Family members have no understanding what I am going through. They can be the worse ones

@DRKJFOSTER 8 месяцев назад

Sorry to hear about your son. Yes, family members can make it more difficult, for sure.

@karencondon2003 3 года назад

Listening this really helps me sooooo much 🌹

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

I'm so glad you are finding it so helpful, Karen. Have a great weekend!!

@karencondon2003 3 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER 🌹

@karencondon2003 3 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER praying for long islander Gabriel Petito 🙏🏼🌹😞

@karencondon2003 2 года назад

Love this 🙏🏼🌹

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Thanks, Karen 💟

@karencondon2003 2 года назад

So similar to my story I get so emotional 😭

@anniesue4456 3 года назад

Addressing copendency is critical

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Yes, so much so. Thanks for watching and sharing, Annie Sue!

@plusbonus1165 3 года назад

I sometimes feel guilty for feeling joy and happiness when others seem so angry and competitive.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Enjoy your joy and happiness. Don't let others rob you of it. We are each responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and actions. Thanks for watching and sharing your experience.

@Jerid58 2 года назад

I had this happen in a 12 step meeting a few weeks ago. I talked about having a good week, was happy, feeling good. Kid that talked right behind me was court appointed and had his dog get run over that day. I felt about 3 inches tall. Also I mentioned he was court appointed because he HAD to be there after a tough day or possibly be taken to jail.

@dubliners0999 3 года назад

I'm so disappointed in Al-Anon in my region. Very few members seemed to have worked the steps or have a sponsor. Most just seem to use meetings as a form of group therapy.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, I have heard this from others. Perhaps you'll try one of the Fostering Resilience meetings. There's also Smart Recovery and BALM, but not sure if BALM offers support meetings.

@moetpo4521 2 года назад

Thank you for sharing

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Thank you for watching!

@bobhunley1398 3 года назад

I do like the blue Book of Coda.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Hi Bob - Thanks so much for watching. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts about my videos. I hope you have a great day.

@banafsh1981 3 года назад

Thank you so much for your video. I live in Sweden and want to find a good group electronically in a English speaking country. How can I find the right one? appreciate any help.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

You are welcome! There are many meetings available. it just depends on what types of meetings you're looking for. I have a meeting that welcomes individuals in recovery and family members. You can find the links on my website at drkjfoster.org

@bethelshiloh 4 года назад

I'm glad you said that @ 17:ish. The group I went to didn't fit me.

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

Try some other groups. It really is about finding the right mix of people.

@HISPANYC 3 года назад

Hi K.J. Thanks for sharing such a powerful and moving story, doing some research for myself, dealing with a family member deep in the weeds but I'm not sure where to start. I don't think Alanon's spiritual approach is the right path; I belong to a family of left leaning French artists proud of the revolution and secularism (a bit dramatic, sorry). Do you know if the intensity of the spiritual approach changes from group to group, or is it intrinsic to the program? I would love to find something a bit more "scientific". Although we aren't closing any doors, and I think your spiritual awakening speaks volumes through your testimony, I'm trying to have an experience that clicks with my fam, just like your group guide clicked with you and your son's story, ironically, that also seemed like help from higher forces. That aside, I'm a RU-vidr and I have never had the guts to post something out there so real, its inspiring and beautiful. Thank you in advance for everything!

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Hi Hispanyc - Yes, it does change from group to group. I also believe the spirituality is very misunderstood by many and thought to be one in the same with religion. You can be scientific and be spiritual. You can be an atheist and spiritual. You may want to check out my video on spirituality and recovery. I think it may help. I think the 12-Step approach, having it's roots in Christianity and the all of the Christian prayers that are included as a part of most rituals within the groups, fuels the confusion. Here is the link to my spirituality video ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-vzvntB1Cz9k.html

@HISPANYC 3 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER Thank you KJ. Will check it out! Have a lovely day

@shimonfrankel2422 2 года назад

Go to 6 Al-Anon meetings and see what it is for yourself. Investigate for yourself so you can make a real informed decision.

@sandyb6668 3 года назад

What if there doesn’t seem to any bottom to his rock bottom, going on 14yrs now my son who is now 28, did all the tough love

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Hi Sandy - I'm not sure how to interpret. I think you are saying your son is the one with the substance use disorder? It may be how you define tough love. Tough love is not about being tough on or with our loved one. It means that we are setting boundaries that are tough on us. Boundaries are most effective when they are set with love. Please check out my Free Family Recovery Training playlist. You may find it helpful.

@sandyb6668 3 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER - I suppose what I meant was I set boundaries, like putting him out of the house, even though he had nowhere to go. Not easy going to work and looking out for your son in the gutter. Not allowing him home after a drug overdose as he refused to go into treatment etc etc. what I meant was, it broke my heart but i had to do it, both for him as his behavior was totally unacceptable, and for me so I wouldn’t have a nervous breakdown or top myself.

@michelangelope830 2 года назад

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Yes, it all runs in families. We are domesticated (as Don Miguel Ruiz calls it) and learn everything we know from those who teach us. Patterns are repeated, until they are broken.

@FaithFocusFinishInc Год назад

Very helpful

@DRKJFOSTER Год назад

Glad to hear that

@pokermitten9795 3 года назад

What is there that doesn't have the same exact steps? I am affected by alcoholics but I am not powerless and certainly don't need to give into some unspecified higher power.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Yes, true. You may find my most recent video on spirituality to be helpful. I apologize for the late reply but just seeing your comment today.

@vikki4now Год назад

You are ONLY powerless over alcohol. You are correct. You are a powerful individual no matter where you believe that power comes from. Al anon is education, not religion.

@ednaboone9656 3 года назад

Please send link to the poem you mention in this video.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Edna - the poems are in the description 👍

@karencondon2003 3 года назад

❤️❤️

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

💜💜

@karencondon2003 3 года назад

❤️

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

💜

@cindyrobertson3798 2 года назад

I'm in a remote area alanon is 5 persons . Not anonymous because it's a small town. I have a partner who promisd PROMISED before marriage that I'd never have to be here again. I'm still in suffering from my first marriage of lies. And here I am again. My spouse is lying covering up and my trust is gone. . I no longer get have a partner because of the broken trust. My daughter is in bad shape from alcohol. Child hood trauma ..my group is all women. It doesn't matter but they have more spousal issues. I don't try to control but now I'm living separate in the same house. I'm a mess. I can't get a discussion or reason for broken promises. I guess I'm a person people will never really love or keep promises to.

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Hi Cindy. Have you tried online meetings?

@cindyrobertson3798 2 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER no I have phone but no computer it's His. Everything else in my home I have purchased. I have a 1 family day care in my home. A new bay any day care. . Why I'd pot/ alcohol always more important than I am? I hanging my trust in God my lord

@stevenhines5550 Год назад

Maybe consider our 11th tradition?

@DRKJFOSTER Год назад

I don't think that applies. I am not a member of AA or AlAnon and most people misunderstand the 11th tradition and what it TRULY means.

@natasha1061 2 года назад

And there are also zoom meetings

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Yes, absolutely 👍

@mandymoore5774 2 года назад

If only we lived in a world where none of us had to deal w codependency.

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Yes, 💯 Sorry for the late reply.

@rickengellant6632 3 года назад

How do I attend you online meeting?

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Hi Rick - You can go to my website and click on the Free Recovery Support Meetings link. www.drkjfoster.org

@trishwintour4597 10 месяцев назад

Are you both still recovered

@DRKJFOSTER 10 месяцев назад

Yes!

@dee5331 2 года назад

Could you please focus on anything but what other people think, believe and do for like 30 seconds!

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Codependency at it's finest. My biggest struggle by far! You may want to check out my most recent version of my story. It's much less codependent sounding. Here is the link, if you can bear it... ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-7uxLMa9FlGk.html

@forest1butterfly 4 года назад

should i bail 34 son out of jail. to prevent 6 years in prison? then him in 90 day intensive treatment?😅

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

Hi Sherri - That's not my call. I would have to know much more about his history. That said, I think that whatever puts him in a position to receive treatment would be good.

@happychristian5918 3 года назад

We at Alanon are not supposed to give advice to another,pray about it ,in prison he can’t get alcohol

@TiffanyWestNyc 3 года назад

Don’t

@michelangelope830 2 года назад

@robrichardson1 4 года назад

WATCH RU-vid: A MOMENT WITH THE MASTER "ADDICTION"

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

I'll check it out. Thanks.

@preslidavidson2280 2 года назад

Can I go even if my alcoholic mom died years ago?

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Yes!

@elamarie2794 Год назад

New sub

@DRKJFOSTER Год назад

Welcome, Ela 🤗

@mariashapero9824 3 года назад

Does your Al-Anon observe the Traditions? Tradition Eleven for example?

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

I find your wording interesting. It is not "my" Alanon. I shared with you my Alanon experience, which is totally in my right to share with anyone I choose. Also, I am currently not a member of Alanon nor am I a member of any other 12Step program. And even if I were, I am not breaking anyone's anonymity nor am I promoting any program. I am an educator. I educate people on the resources available to them. Anonymity abd this tradition is misunderstood by many. So, yes... very familiar with 11th tradition. Thanks for the question and providing the opportunity for this teachable moment 💜

@stevejohnson7865 2 года назад

I'm glad my wife is going to them meetings and hopefully she stays for the whole hour and a half so it will give me more time to drink.. cheers 🥂😋

@stevejohnson7865 2 года назад

So Al-Anon is to make your loved one hit rock bottom pretty much make their life even more miserable correct? From just what I'm hearing that's not to help anyone it's a know how to make the other person or referred to alcoholic miserable and hit rock bottom obviously. Might be some bad advice there cuz when one hits rock bottom what is there left. Feel bad for the person trying to make these changes and make the other person hit rock bottom because really bad things can happen quickly. It all comes down to if the individual truly wants to quit drinking. If he or she is forced to do something that they don't want to do it will be bad. No matter what. Especially if that alcoholic already thinks they are being controlled and told what to do and that is the main reason of fighting. Everyone is different and have their own opinions on everything. No matter who you are you have abused or abusing something in life I don't care if it's cigarettes dip drinking cussing, taking tons of medications but it's okay because it's from the doctor, praying on a rug eight times a day. It doesn't matter we all are human and everyone has faults. My question is for an example a friend of mine met his girlfriend in a bar drunk and they both were drunk for 20 years now she stops that means he has to even though that's how they met and she knew what he was all about. So it's right for him to stop drinking even though he don't want to because her dumbass changed after 20 years of marriage? She knew exactly what she was getting into so she cannot blame that particular thing and want him to change. He has to change and she still taking the 20 drugs that the doctor gave her and he is on no drug other than alcohol. Mix real good sense to me all of this. Just another way to make money I guess. Especially putting a RU-vid video out about it. Just another way to make money that's what makes the world go around. If you died tomorrow your job what have a listing that day. Nobody really cares unless it affects themselves 100% if it's that bad in a relationship don't make someone do something they don't want to do just leave because obviously you're the problem in their eyes so why try to change somebody? Nine times out of 10 it's the relationship that causes someone to be an alcoholic and try to forget how bad their life is really is. Once you are gone out of the picture they probably would stop drinking to be honest.

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

I'm sorry to hear of your suffering, Steve. Al-Anon is not to make you hit rock bottom. Perhaps that's what happens with some people, but it's really for your wife, to help her cope with her own suffering, and learn ways in which she can change how she is relating to you and your drinking. I went to Al-Anon when my son was actively addicted to drugs and it helped me cope and also taught me how to change my own behavior so that I wouldn't make it worse. I was doing things at the time that I didn't even realize were hurting and not helping. Sending you and your family prayers for healing.

@tracygallagher6716 2 года назад

I am in s anon as my husband is a porn addict. It is my 12 steps program I'm currently working on step 4

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

That's great that you are taking care of yourself and working the Steps. Much good luck to you, Tracy. Thanks for watching 💟

@karencondon2003 2 года назад

💖🙏🏼

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Thanks, Karen💟💟💟

@anniesue4456 3 года назад

After detachment there is the emotional and financial devastation

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

True!

@nagarjunapupadma3674 3 года назад

Please Telugu translated. Medam

@TxHoneyBee Год назад

I found that Al-Anon is cult-like, and it is problematic to follow the disease model of alcoholism. AA has something about 10% success rate for recovery. They often relapse. Codependency isn't a real thing.

@jackwilliamatkins5602 2 года назад

Jesus Christ is in Nunawading

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Okay, that sounds like a wonderful thing!

@cindyrobertson3798 2 года назад

Only 1 choice of meetings only 1 time.

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Have you looked into online meetings?

@beverlyschultz9276 2 года назад

You say nothing about a higher power and you say that you divorce caused addiction. to my understanding we are born with addiction. can you clarify

@DRKJFOSTER 2 года назад

Hi Beverly - My divorce did not cause my addiction and addiction is not necessarily something you are born with. It's a combination of biology, environment and experiences. Some people are so genetically predisposed to alcoholism that they experience the "allergy" the first time they put a drink in their body. In my case, I was genetically predisposed to alcoholism, I also grew up in an environment where drinking was normalized in my family. I also experienced significant trauma in my life. All that said, I never became physically addicted to alcohol, but I did become psychologically addicted and developed a tremendous tolerance. The tricky thing about addiction is that there are so many factors that come into play. Then there's drug addiction versus alcohol addiction. People who are exposed to more powerful drugs, become addicted faster. It's all about the brain chemistry and the impact of the substance on the brain. This is why people who were prescribed oxycontin, who never otherwise would have experienced an addiction, became addicted. Because they were exposed to a very powerful addictive substance. It's not a moral failing, it's not a character flaw, you are not born with it (although you can be significantly genetically predisposed to the extent of "allergy"). The truth is that under the right circumstances, anyone can become addicted. As for not mentioning a higher power, that was not a part of my Al-Anon experience and not a struggle for me. I had a belief in God when I began my recovery process. I didn't need a "higher power" because I already had one. I just needed to learn how to develop a relationship with God and myself. Spiritual practice is what helped me develop a strong healthy relationship with myself and helps me continue to maintain my recovery strength. Thanks for your question and the opportunity to share. Sorry for the late reply.

@allybailey2045 3 года назад

Al Anon members are the most miserable of the groups. Serious resentments and passive aggression there .

@allybailey2045 3 года назад

@@AA4PJM don’t need it thanks 😊.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Hi Ally - I think it depends on the group. I have definitely experienced this and it can be a huge turn-off, which is one of the reasons I created my own program. Yet, I have also experienced what Angel is describing. It just depends on the group. The individual with the SUD often becomes a scapegoat for the loved one's own unhappiness and instability. Just because you aren't experiencing a substance use disorder doesn't mean you are a mentally healthy individual. Family members are not only impacted by the addiction, but can have their own complex mental health issues. Thanks for watching and sharing your thoughts. I hope you are enjoying your day.

@DRKJFOSTER 3 года назад

Thanks, Angel. Appreciate you offering your experience. See my reply to Ally above.

@vikki4now Год назад

I have been in Al anon for 17 hrs and been to many different meetings. I found very little problems but I have lots of different groups to go to.

@EigenARtich 4 года назад

sekte

@DRKJFOSTER 4 года назад

Not sure what that means.

@EigenARtich 4 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER Al Anon ist eine Sekte

@theupwardspiral1580 4 года назад

@@DRKJFOSTER it means alanon is a sect. I thk he means its a religious group or thereabouts. Ive heard this before. And im not sure what they mean by it.

@pokermitten9795 3 года назад

@@theupwardspiral1580 The steps basically ask the person joining to bow down, admit powerlessness and give into some unspecified higher power. It's pretty gross for my taste. I am not powerless over alcohol or the alcoholics in my life, I just want to share in something.