What Is An Altruistic Narcissist? 

PREDATORS FOR SURE AMONGST US Z!!!!!!!!!!!!!!¡

Pay attention to everything a narcissist says because you will hear the lies!

Exactly ✌🏾

My mother's version includes being so lazy that if she were a tile she could only go on the floor. She'll be in the board of this and the board of that, but she's never in the room when anything other than hobnobbing takes place.

Welcome to my 'little me' world. My covertly narcissistic blood kins are very good at taking care of me, (even when I didn't want the extra help,) and the people around them - while they are consistently triangulating and belittling every single one of us. Sad.

🤢sounds like Echo of " helpfull" cousin WINDBAG;1- invites herSelf to Event,2- makes HAVOC! (3), brags about HOW HELPFULL SHE was for the next 26 years!🤢ug

​@@treysmythstunesIt's good you see through them.

@@spacegirl226 I think part of the problem is you biting your tongue and letting their golden boy reputation continue to exist in a world where they've done you wrong. Crack that facade and let the people who think the sun shines out their kiester know that they actually suck, quite a lot.

So true. That is how they have you fooled.

They are a contradiction, as Dr. C points out.

​@carefulcarpenter They're The Living Embodiment Of Cognitive Dissonance.

Narcissists can be nice at times. But they are very changable.

That's Actually Why I Don't Believe In A Separate Distinction Between Grandiose & Vulnerable. My Experience Is They're Usually Both At The Same Time Through That Cognitive Dissonance.

Yes, and rest assured you will be vilified when you prove to be human.

@@SurvivingNarcissism And they often have sway with groups. You may be labeled a "lone wolf" with all the negative baggage that comes with.

Yep! A narc I know favors saying "you complete me" to a current beau yet moves on very quickly to another. Rinse. Repeat.

My ex said that to me not in those words when we dated. I thought something was off but didn't question my reaction. Big mistake!

Narcissists see relationships as transactions.

The real yogis have been aware of this dynamic forever. It is why they do not accept gifts personally. When gifts are given by people, it really has a hidden expectation that is given with it, often. Such 'gifts' are more like bribes, trying to buy something in the future from the recipient of the 'gift'. The giver of the 'gift' wants to own the person; it is manipulation. Contrary to this, real love is not a transaction. Real love is freely given; caritas and agape. So yogis do not accept gifts. In normal social mores in some situations gifts are expected or mutually exchanged. I suppose that benefits social relationships sometimes. But a gift that is given due to imperatives is not really a gift. Real giving comes from the heart, just as real relationships do, and there is mutual affection. It is important to give, but just as Torkom Saraydarian wrote, giving can be a dangerous act.

Yep! There's no such thing as conditional love. That's just a deal. And there's nothing with a deal, as long as it's fair, but don't call it love. Love, by it's very nature, can only be unconditional.

​@@yobrojoost9497 unconditional love is a tricky concept. There are those who misunderstand it to mean that love is selfless, that is, endlessly giving & without personal boundaries. There are others who intentionally twist that idea to their benefit to coerce a partner to tolerate continual lack of reciprocity and outright emotional abuse because "love should be unconditional." Genuine love does have conditions: reciprocal efforts, mutual respect, ability of each partner to form and maintain healthy boundaries -- are some of them. Part of love is also knowing when to stop short of enabling, or self-sacrifice, which is not good for either party. Perhaps in the case of relationships between a narcissist and an emotionally vulnerable person, the definition of healthy love must include a basic sense of honoring oneself as well. Whether it be called self-love, self-respect, or something else, that aspect is never portrayed in popular culture and it seems to be something that a lot of vulnerable people are missing. I know this to be true, from personal experience.

This particular type has a huge flock of flying monkeys!

Ha, yeah. That was my ex husband. I remember bringing that up with him -- why were his friends more important than me his wife? Why wouldn't he help me with the same enthusiasm that he jumped to help his friends and coworkers? Never did get an answer but he is my ex now.

This is my husband’s behavior and I always wondered why he was ‘nicer’ to other people than to me.

@@spacegirl226 yeah it’s so sad. I helped my ex with whatever he needed. But vice versa it wasn’t the same. Glad you are well!!

Wow, really? That sounds so hypocritical and self-deceiving.

I know someone like that

Gross!

I know someone like that too. Crazy.

Hahahah a photoshoot??? WoW 😂😂😅😮‍💨 Gross

Right?! Even their expressions go blank if they should see you in pain

@@gypsyfaded5907 Yep.

Yup 😢 me 2 & abandoned when my condition got worse due to his neglect & uncaring attitude as well as wandering eye

I risked my life more than once due to these behaviors of my narcissists. They do not distinguish the severity the illnesses or any other serious physical conditions of other people because they are not interested at all. They are only interested in their health, and they they look after themselves veeeeery well. Furthermore, this pattern of accusing others of faking illnesses, it seems to me "typical" in narcissists behavior. Or either they say our illnesses "it's all imagination due to psychological problems" Actually, *they* faked serious illnesses! Themselves! Or they faked serious physical accidents... And so on. Later I discovered they didn't have any health issues. They had Nothing! In the meantime, to follow their "very serious" fake illnesses, I neglected my health too many times (also because in many cases they really managed to convince me that I had just a psychological issue...). In the past, I ended up in the emergency room many times, always with serious physical conditions... Once, in the emergency room with terrible unbearable pains, I kept repeating to the doctors and nurses, "please, this is not imagination, this is not imagination, please, I can't take it anymore, I'm really sick". They looked at me, as if I was delirious... and a nurse told me "What are you talking about? Try to stay calm. We can clearly see that it's not imagination!" Dear fellow survivors, ...Never again. Never again. Now, take care of yourself the best you can. 💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙

I’m sorry you went through that. You could be talking about my ex husband as I had almost exactly the same experience with him! From helping with my disability to not bothering to get my prescriptions to saying I refused to look for work when he knew I’m physically unable to work. 8 years later I’m still traumatised by it 😢

Agreed! And the giving always has strings.

NARC NUCKLE HEAD I KNOW BOUGT ME AGLASS CALLED BIG NOSE BEER I WENT 2 GRAB IT OFF COUNTER ITFELL 2 FLOOR😂😢😮😅😅😅😅😅😅😅 AN SHATTERD I PANIC KED FOR A SEC THEN SAID OH WELL I.DIDNT CARE FOR THE GLASS AN LAFFED MY AS OFF HES STILL NOT SURE IF WAS A ACCIDENT NEVER WENT BACK WEIRD PLP OUT WACTH UR BACK

💯 this!

Sort of like the aphorism 'charity begins at home's?

Exactly.

so real

My dad recently told me how it it cost to raise each kid and even gave a dollar amount, which was of course overexaggerated.

so oppressive...@@larryl2398

Correct.

Brilliant analogy

You are so correct….in my experience with such an individual, everything was done for secondary financial gain, constant recognition, praise and accolades - and of course a steady stream of financial donations that supported their ability to live the life of the privileged white class in Africa. It was shameless.

Dangerous scary people

Thanks for being an encourager, Fred!

Saved mine.

@@SlobArt mine too!

💯🎯

They have no inner cire so they constantly need an audience for their life. They don't view you as a separate person so they can't understand why you would have different needs. This does not get better. Do they ignore your personal preferences in other regards?

This is tricky and I'm sure there is more than one way to look at it. He should, however, respect your request for privacy. He might be living vicariously through you and feel his own live is too boring to share.

@@amberinthemist7912 Yes, they do. I've asked and even told them, if they make dinner, I will fix my own plate. I've expressed this ad nauseum. They still fix my plate for me. I could like a lamp because of the texture or color, stating specifically why I like it. They'll get me a lamp they found on clearance because I "like lamps." One Christmas they asked about a pair of pajamas I had and I said I wasn't interested in another pair. I even stated how the other pajamas the store had was a no-go because I didn't like how they were tight around the ankle. Not only did they buy the pair I specifically said I didn't want (they were on clearance, shocker), they got me a gift card to this store. I don't even shop at this store and more specifically, avoided this store when purchasing some items a few months prior.

​@@ds6258 Holy moly. My jaw dropped! EXACTLY!!! And I'm guessing you're a really bad person and really hurt them if you nicely express you didn't need these things after they went out of their way to do just the right thing for you (which you clearly stated beforehand wasn't needed)? Or didn't want the attention for your completed projects?? Etc, etc....

@@ambergreen6359 The start of the gift-giving process usually starts with, "I know how you like ______," or they "did their best." If they couldn't find/didn't want to pay for it then it's about how they couldn't find it, a store associate wouldn't help them, they weren't comfortable purchasing it online...some excuse. For my birthday or our anniversary they'll wait until the night before to ask where I want to eat or suggest a place, which is just where they want to go. They throw a tantrum if I'm not over the moon about things. Telling me I'm selfish or entitled.

You are so welcome

And how much they sacrificed and did so much for their kids.

Thanks, Julie!

Glad it resonated!

How have you not come across one? Fooled you again 😊

Helen, I'm sitting up reading comments early this morning and your comment made me silent laugh from the belly. Thank you for that. 😅

I actually use that word in the video.

"Oxymoron" was the first thing that popped into mind when I saw the title. 😄

Similar to the self righteous narc, the altruistic one does seemingly good things but only for the underlying self aggrandizing purpose.

Thanks, Michelle.

They "help" everyone else as a ploy bc they actually expect others to read their minds and "spontaneously" attend to their needs the way they think they're doing for others. They become resentful bc nobody wants to come to their rescue and fawn all over them the way they do to everyone else.

Exactly.

Glad you enjoyed it!

IVE been a Registered Nurse for many years. I have to say that most nurses that I know, are very caring people. They certainly aren't narcissists. No doubt, many nurses have been victims of narcissists.

In the uk public health system (NHS) nurses are low paid and have stressful jobs where they work long hours. The narc personality type would not last within this profession. Your claim is an inaccurate assumption.

I’m not saying every nurse is narcissistic. However I have seen and know many nurses whether they are CNA, LPN, RN, BSN and so on who have talked negatively about their patients or patients families. Whether it be calling a wife or daughter a b!tch behind closed doors or calling a male patient or male family members a$$holes, dumba$$es. I have seen numerous nurses complain about the doctors on a regular basis with each other making statements about the doctors being idiotic and how the nurse knows more about the medical than the doctors do. I was married to a nurse (BSN USA) who constantly talked poorly about the doctors she worked and many patients, patients families with in hospitals yet would call herself a good person because of her profession. Now I don’t know about you two in the medical field but I was under the impression that you don’t talk negatively or poorly about each other behind closed doors. You don’t talk negatively about your patients or their families behind closed doors. You don’t degrade anyone behind closed doors.

Great question which opens a great work to do, great work on ourselves which opens a truly great growth. 📌 Roxy, I've read your message about the "impossible mission".. and I tried to send you a reply in that chat but it was an impossible mission, either. *THANK YOU* both for that "lost" mission and for this post here. As an Italian singer, showman and comedian says, "There's the Artificial Intelligence ..and there's the Artificial Ignorance, too" . (Maybe he was thinking of YT comment sections 🥴😁 ) For tomorrow morning here you are ☕🍩

@@lishmahlishmah You are very welcome, Lishma. And thanks to you for your ongoing efforts of trying to respond although the comment section apparetly does not appreciate long writings and the Italian comedian is probably right about the artificial ignorance, haha. And spoken about ignorance which is in my eyes exactly the opposite of altruism because it has to do with blindness of the needs for others. I have thought about altruism quite a lot. You can look at it from different perspectives. Jesus was probably the only one who was a real and true altruist if we talk about it on a spiritual level. But this opens just another question because then I stumble about what the Bible tells us, "Love your neighbor as yourself..." (3 Moses 19,18; Matthew 19,19; Marcus 12,31; Galatians 5,14) This is the highest law God talks about. There is no mention of "above yourself". It's spoken about equality. And when you look about it on a psychological level, is altruism really selfless? If you give as I call it like a "natural giver" (not even thinking about it), what are the results of that giving? The recipient might be surprised, happy, thankful etc. But the giver will also receive something out of it for he might get some kind of emotional reward, feeling better like uplifted, happy etc. Of course this is more like a win-win situation in opposite to the altruistic Narc, who will in fact create, at least at the end, always a lose-lose situation because the motives were not pure hearted but out of fear, the inferior complex. I was asking about the intrinsic drivers because to get aware of the real motives of giving (without thinking, which is unconscious) and especially when you have been trained by Narcissistic parents to be a peoplepleaser!!! Then you always recognize the needs of others!!! And you will give nearly automatically for this has always been the way of surviving for you. This kind of giving might look altruistic but it is not pure because the drivers are fear based and you do not love your neighbor as yourself. The fears behind this giving are not feeling enough and therefor hiding yourself behind the pleasing, expecting punishment if you do not give etc. This is a very unhealthy way of giving and it reminds me of Dr Carters book "When pleasing you is killing me" (which I did not read but this title just came into my mind). In this case you are not blind of the needs of others but you are blind of your own needs which you can also call an ignorance because you have been trained to focus outside yourself. Hope, this post will be visible for you. And thank you very much for the cup of coffee and pastries 😊🤗

@@roxymovie3938 Thank you so much, Roxy. I'd like to write another long chapter after your chapter bc you talk about so many points, all to enlarge and to deepen... (I don't know if these verbs are correct in English... Anyhow let's go on). As for the "pleasing you is killing me" , maybe you've read my comment about my ending in the ER because yes, I was "trained" to follow ONLY the health issues (including the fake health issues) of the narcissists. That said... Excluding the unaware peoplepleaser and the unaware "natural giver" my opinion is slightly different from yours. At least, I think it is slightly different. But, as you know, this is a very big philosohical / human / spiritual / antropological matter. So, most probably, we have the same view basically.... My problem, now, is : often, I'm still in the cptsd. That's to say, I understand with my mind and also with my heart... But I still have many traumas to heal and unhealthy automatic pattern to correct . I'm screenshotting your comment to "study" it. Thank you ! P.s. can't wait the season to wear the famous German sandals 😁 . They were and they are one of my first "rebellions" to the narcissistic family imposed dresses and shoes... Many years ago I managed to find a good Italian shop with a great "ending season sale" . A very good price for those usually very expensive sandals... And I could buy them 👍 . I also wore them with socks, when _only_ German people wore them with socks 😁 Great idea.

Bingo!

I heard the term "communal narcissist" . I think it's the same, more or less

@@lishmahlishmah Thanks 🙏

When you tell others "I'm really humble," you just proved the opposite.

@SurvivingNarcissism Yes. And, I suppose it's also like saying that you're empathetic! Or "I'm an Empath"

@@amandaliverpool3374 😳🥴😯 Oh My! I think you are right if someone says so with the same attitude they say "I'm sooooo humble" . But... LOL , myself, since I heard the psychology / personality category definition... I always say "I'm an empath" ... Not in the sense "I'm amazing bc I'm an empath" 😁 .... 🤔 Your comment is making me doubt... whether in English it is considered only in the sense of bragging?

Thanks!