The High Cost After Disconnecting From A Narcissist 

Any cost of disconnecting pays for itself real soon when you start experiencing peace and freedom from abuse! Anyone who believes the narcissist lies about you aren't worth it anyway.

NARCISSISM DESTROYS LIVES.

Don't give a narcissist an inch ....give them nothing.

No weapon formed against me shall prosper.

Grown people can't think for themselves, would rather talk about you than talk to you. Sneaky backstabbing cowards can have each other.

Do not let the Narc control you, no matter what. Its not worth it. Stand tall and be strong........

Yes there are high costs leaving the narcissist. You will get through it if you persevere and don’t give up. In the end, you will gain important things such as freedom from the abuse, peace of mind, your health, your self respect, your dignity, and fulfill your dreams, goals, and destiny.

Just remember, no matter the cost of disconnecting from a narcissist, it is always worth the price in the end.

The narcissist believes ANY thinking that is different from THEIR thinking/distorted reality IS "distorted thinking"!

It hurts when it’s family, your childhood friends and romantic partner. Woke up to narcissism 4 years ago. Thank God.

I disconnected from my narcissistic mother in 2019. I have experienced so much lashing out and smear campaigns. Now 5 years later and my father and siblings don't speak to me any longer. They're convinced that they must protect our fragile, innocent mother.

the narcissist is a deranged individual ... perfect

After I left my narc husband, he went door to door to my neighbors' homes in our subdivision and lied to them about me. He told them I was secretly married to another man and I was having many extramarital affairs. And THEY BELIEVED HIM. He absolutely destroyed my name, reputation, and character. It was totally humiliating. Needless to say, I was only married to him for one day before he took off the WHOLE mask. The marriage lasted for 6 months. I have never been so hurt by a person before. I didnt even know these type of people existed. Narcs have the heart of a BEAST. These people have NO HEART. THEY ARE HEARTLESS. THEY ARE DEMONS. SOULLESS. EMPTY VESSELS. DEMONIC.

And it isn't worth trying to defend yourself. :( it's like a finger trap, the more you struggle, the worse it gets.

That's exactly right. You can't have it both ways. Meaning that you can't have a healthy relationship with a narcissist. I had to move on, what else can I do? They are mentally exhausting. There was no other way, I really tried. There's nothing, absolutely nothing that you can do. 😢

"Harsh". That sums it up. Cruel, dehumanization. When their messages seep into your psyche, they double down on their dosing and doling pain shots. Killers! They aim to rob your soul. Don't YOU take it out on YOU! This is the highest of costs, when all the collateral damage makes you self-doubt, self loathe, second guess all your abilities to move on. The strength you had before is still there, under those layers of pain, shock, trauma and sadness. From this day forward, dig down deep. Find yourself, find your good, and grow from it. My doctor told me it will take at least 3 years...Im approaching year 2, making progress, but triggered so easily...the pain remains...but striving for the daily gift available from God. The essence of love, dignity, civility, and respect.

It's a good feeling when you no longer care what they think or say about you. The high cost I had to pay was to get my mind back right after that chaotic, disturbing situation I was in, that I tried hard to save. When I got tired of the hamster wheel, I jumped off and didn't look back. The work I did to restore my self esteem, self confidence and face and resolve my past issues was HARD but it was well worth the cost! Thanks to the Most High God and coaches like Dr. Carter. ❤

Being free from the narcissist Creating your opportunities is priceless Staying true to yourself 🙏🏻

When I broke away many years ago, I lost a mother who was never really there. It was a good move.

I ghosted the narcissist in my life. It seems to have worked for me. Hopefully, that person stays away forever.

The world itself is saturated with narcissism from media to pharma to personal relationships to self doubt it’s quiet a lot to unravel I think that’s why people love animals so much.

My husband is a narcissist and so is his mother. He went no contact with her in 2016 and there is an absolute irony hearing him talk about his reasons for this because he has inflicted all the same behaviors on me for decades. 🤔

Recovery is hard. There is just no way around it. But it still beats the hell out of the alternative which is accepting abuse for the rest of your life. Keep on keeping on folks!

When I left the Hell my family was, I knew that they would blame me for everything. And the kitchen sink. And lots of stuff they made up. The only thing I could have done was to hang in there, continuing the very sick family dynamic. I had to choose between honoring that, with my very life, or, honoring the life I was given. Nothing about that was easy. Nor even yet, decades later, for some things. There will never be fixing what they did. Even if they were still alive, they would never acknowledge their damages. Yet, I have lived a rich life. With, as Dr. C would say, a limp, an accent. But far, far better off than staying in Hell with them, as they demanded. Perfect? No. Much, much better? Absolutely.

They likely smear your name while intermittently trying to hook you back in with fake kindness. After all, they need a supply to fulfill their needs. My mother was crying because I am moving out soon. I am 53. She is simply going to miss the role I play in her life. It’s disgusting.

I’m paying this price now, and I only filed 6 weeks ago. He is trying everything to destroy me through using our children, my church, everything that is dear to me. I’ve homeschooled my kids for 10 years and he took over their school 2 months ago so he could say he’s in charge of their education and claim I’m incapable of teaching them. He is self-righteous, his family supports his every move. They are spreading lies that this is all my fault (despite his infidelity our entire marriage) because God never allows divorce. There is absolutely no depth they will not stoop to in order to annihilate me. It is psychotic actually, no other word for it.

Got away from my psycho mother who is smearing me to her hospice workers and adult protective services. She says she wants me in jail. She hates that I'm not held captive to her abuse. This aint easy. It's easy to create lies , but they can become extremely serious and dangerous. Husband and I lived with her to give her a nice home, but we had to escape to camper van. She fires her nurses, caretakers, and social workers if they say something she doesn't want to hear.

I don't get why so many people readily believe them. Can't they see how inappropriate it is for them to put so much energy into involving a bunch of third parties in something they don't belong in? They are so good at making people think they need to be taken care of when it's the farthest thing from the truth. Control is right. What's with That? Why do narcs need it so badly? It must be awful to be them actually.

It really is a high price to break away from narcissists. For me it was my narcissistic mother and her toxic family The lived in a small, isolated town where they could created their own alternative reality in which I was the scapegoat. Even though I took heavy losses . I left behind a town I could never claim as having grown up there or knowing people. I refused to accept being the scapegoat. The chaos, jealousy ,raging of a disordered mind is something nobody should have to accept. Narcissists rob you of so much that you need to protect your dignity and peace .

Disconnecting from a narcissist can be painful. But, we need to do that so that the healing can begin. I actually feel less alone !!!

Today, you absolutely cannot predict or pick them out of a crowd or in a group. Sometimes, if not often, they come as the most fragile, benign and seemingly harmless of vessels. Like very elderly and frail but WOE, those are the most skilled. In fact, the more vulnerable they may seem the more poisonous they are. It's a different world that we live in.

I heard the word "deranged" at least twice in this video and it's what I needed to hear today. The scripture "don't throw your pearls before swine" came to mind again while listening. Silence should be the order of the day when you are in close proximity to a deranged person like a narcissist.Thank you Doctor Carter for your good advice us Survivor's need all the help we can get.🌻

I know the cost has been very high for me. Physically and monitarily. Some of it there is no coming back from. However the freedom that I have to chart my own course is priceless. Though I still have anger and resentments, its worth it.

I’m the mean and bad one maybe even crazy for not wanting to attend my sisters wedding to a convicted drug felon, not wanting to be around my other sister and her bone breaking former husband, not caring about my aged father who was nasty abusive and neglectful his entire life. Not understanding cousins who deny their sexual abuse, keeping my kids away from those family members who continue the drinking and drugging cycles of the past. The smear campaigns have been stoked by my own sisters and brother but given all that I’m the mean one…It’s all so crazy.

You can only control yourself and who YOU are. Don’t let them corrupt that too. Be strong. Be yourself and those that can see the truth will do so.

I tried to "talk" with my narcissist mother by sending her what I felt was a well thought out 6 page letter. She got drunk and blew it all out of proportion. I am 59 years old and I have finally given up trying to have a productive and meaningful conversation with my mother. She is 87 years old and she is not capable of meaningful change.

The Narcissist that I was married too tried to ruin my reputation by outting details about me that it thought would be damaging. Well, to it's horror, everyone already knew the "secret details", it was nothing new for anyone that the Narcissist spoke to and even worse, no one had any issues about the "secret details". Later, the Narcissist sent coworkers to commit arson, vandalize my home and property, commit assault on me personally and the thugs ran screaming back to the Narcissist as a shotgun intervened. ( The Narcissist thought I would never defend myself )

I was fortunate that we lived 50 miles apart. He didn't know my friends and family so he can lie as much as he wants. I believe in karma.

It’s a great thing to be lower than useless to them now. So happy they will not call on me.

This has cost me all relationships with my grandchildren and other family members. 😢 But I am strong and keeping my distance and rebuilding my life. Thank you Dr C.

I wish you had this channel thirty years ago. I spent thirty years being attacked verbally by my father. He was beyond cruel. This channel lets me know that I’m not alone and he wasn’t ever going to change. I had wonderful people in my life help my healing. It helps so much to understand this, thank you for this channel

How do you get away from Narcissist? They are everywhere! Once you’ve been damaged by numerous narcissists, you become hypersensitive, hyper vigilant because you never want to experience that abuse again and also that’s what happens with trauma. You are so aware of the characteristics, you never want to experience that pain again, you discover that narcissist are everywhere and you get to a point where you don’t want to leave your house or engage with anyone because of the pain you have already endured. It’s like you’re a target

I got out but there was collateral damage. The ex-wife turned our oldest daughter against me years ago, Parent Alienation. The daughter is just as hateful and vindictive as her mother. The good news it is peaceful and quiet here without drama. Good luck to all.

The dream of a healthy family, connectedness.

Narcissists are ego syntonic, they hardly ever regret or feel remorse or self-blame. On the other hand, we feel remorse, regret and self-blame, and it takes an incredible effort to reconnect, find peace, with ourselves. Conflict creates ego dystonia within us that takes great effort to repair; we lose self-confidence and even want to avoid all relationships rather than experience the grief and pain of conflicted, broken relationships. We become fixed into a state of stress: fight, flight or freeze. It is a high cost to either go or stay. They will shatter your self-worth and identity in order to get what they want and think nothing of it. Reconnecting with your own peace and self is a priority to overcome the high price, the high price for caring for those who could care less about you.

I allowed my crazy family to ruin my life; I went back home to help my mom, when she was crying on the phone about being lonely, etc, etc, etc. PLEASE, if you move away/get free, STAY AWAY! You can’t save others; you must try to save yourself. You’re not a firefighter & you can’t carry relatives out of the burning disaster of their lives! If you come when they call for you, you likely will never be able to shake free again, and you will be everyone’s scapegoat.

Grateful to be seeing this topic addressed -- I don't think it's just me who believes strongly that this is something we should be warned about by experienced and caring mental health practitioners PRIOR to getting bombarded with the advice to "just leave". A lot of us are hit with "just leave" not just before we're advised as to what the cost might be, but before being able to gather any support -- and we're often rebuffed * when seeking * support because nobody ever told us how many "family and friends" around us were going to turn out to be enablers & flying monkeys who liked us just fine in the position where we were, in part because it meant that then THEY were not going to have to take any abuse

If you have a child with them, the child will pay the highest price. But they will make you pay, too. So, be prepared and don't show your cards. Playing "fair" with a narcissist is a mistake. They play by very different rules and will use the system against you.

Thank you Sir for your videos. They mean a lot to me. When I was young living with my family I didn't know what Narcissist personality disorder was. I had parents who treated me like an orphan child that was dumped on them. My mother was so cruel to me when no one was around no one would believe me if I tried to tell them. She had a river of hate flowing through her, just under the surface. She let me know, when I was in grade school, I was the reason she was sick. Many times my older brother bullied me, hitting me threatening me any time he wanted to. Once when I asked Mom to make him stop. She lashed out at me blaming me for her high blood pressure. Her exact words were "I wouldn't be sick if it wasn't for you. You're the reason I have headaches. Your the reason I have high blood pressure". My brother took that as permission to go on hitting me threatening me, you name it. He stole food off my plate when I was a child leaving me nothing to eat, he tried to molest me when I was 13. I stopped him by telling him I would tell the neighbor hood gosip and she would tell the whole neighborhood. And later when my father died he cheated me out almost all of my inheritance after I spent years taking care of Mom and Dad with no help from him or his wife and adult kids. Yet I was always the bad guy. Your only hope to have a decent life is to get away from them. The sooner you leave the better you will be. They never change. They never learn. They never care...and you will never get a fair break from a narcissist. I waisted years of my life trying to prove to my mother that I deserved to be loved. She never learned . My advice...Don't throw your life away trying to get love from a narcissist. Don't waist your life on anyone who doesn't treat you with kindness and respect.

For dignity, respect, civility, free soul, inner peace, leave those evil toxic ppl even with some financial loss as soon as possible.

You really understand it. One of the Best on You Tube.

And this is why, at the end of their lives, they don't have that many people around them. Freedom will always be better than being in an abusive relationship with a controlling unempathice person. It's miserable in these relationships.

I have a lot of baggage left over from my time with the ex narc. Some of it I'll never be free of. Disconnecting does remove you from their verbal abuse, lies, delusions, etc., and for that I'm thankful.

Everything in life has its costs, so what is more worthwile for you? Staying or disconnecting? Do you prefer ongoing frustration or do you prefer joy? Do you prefer tension or do you prefer peace? Do you prefer ongoing arguments or do you prefer harmony? Do you prefer control or do you prefer freedom? Do you prefer losing yourself or do you prefer finding yourself? Do you prefer being dependend or do you prefer being independend? Do you prefer lie or do you prefer truth? Do you prefer being used or do you prefer being useful? Do you prefer taking responsibility for others or do you prefer taking responsibility for yourself? Do you prefer living in fantasy or do you prefer living in reality? Do you prefer ongoing anxiety or do you prefer freedom from fear? Do you prefer constantly doubting yourself or do you prefer trusting yourself? Do you prefer living by the opinions and values of others or do you prefer living by your own opinions and values? Do you prefer being cut into pieces or do prefer being whole? Do you prefer criticzing or do you prefer praising? Do you prefer shrinking or do you prefer expanding? Do you prefer being stuck or do you prefer thriving forward? Do you prefer isolation or do you prefer integration? Do you prefer ongoing harm or do you prefer healing? You can make your own cost use calculation by asking yourself lots of questions - and please feel free to add other questions to my thoughts so that this list is able to grow.

Yes the narcissistic tax can be expensive. But what value would you place on your well being? Your wellbeing is priceless!! Pay the tax and move on!!

After 46 years being confronted by Mom's deceitfulness and habitual pursuit of victimhood, I finally understood there was no way to gain her love and approval, and I walked away. I'd never heard of narcissism at the time, but it was obvious all other strategies were exhausted. This didn't end her projection of the shame and embarrassment of her lifelong failures, but I was no longer there to be confronted by her, and I had a lot more time for people who love and accept me. I wish I'd known about narcissism many years ago, as I was one of two of her children to directly confront Mom about her problems, and we paid dearly. Perhaps if we'd been able to put a term to her compelling behavior, then there could have been a way to get her the help she needed. It's doubtful she'd ever agree to seek help, but at least she'd know that we knew, that everyone knew.

We should have nothing to do with evil. Nothing to do with narcissists. Thank you dr Carter 😊

My ex-wife is paranoid and narcissistic. We broke up many years ago and she tried to blackmail me by using my love for my daughter. Unfortunately for her, our daughter saw the light and with the help of the court, I took the child away from her and now I am a proud father, although the child came out of it bruised and I have a lot of challenges with it. Either way, the narcissist is left alone and doesn't know how to deal with it. And this is her karma

My MIL has completely slandered me with everyone on her side of the family and it hurts so much that they have chosen to believe her lies.. But these same people don’t even want to have her come for a visit and give us a break because she lives with us full time.. I just have to suck it up and ignore the divisions she has caused so that I can have some sort of peace .. I’m grateful for my husband who defends my character at every turn because he sees his mother for what she really is..

2019 cut mother and sister and “friends “loose.They still can’t stop stalking and talking regardless of blocking

Dr Carter, thank you so much for this. Everything you said and reading everyone's comments here is so helpful. I feel validated. I have no family except the evil malignant narcissist father. I have no support system which makes it so hard to get out. Lots of depression and anxiety. But Im encouraged through videos like this and relating so much to everyone's comments. I feel less alone.

I understand this! I grieved for over 2 years for 3 grandsons who are still alive. The pain damn near killed me. Over 3 years now of zero contact with my daughter's family. I'm feeling better, but not every day yet. She knew how to hurt me and she did.

Living with a mother who was diagnosed with mental health issues was extremely difficult. From a very young age (5-6) I did not agree with most of the decisions my mother made because they didn't make sense to me, and I would later hear my parents talking and my dad asking my mother why she made that decision. That was all I needed to confirm my 6th sense was accurate. Never once did it ever enter my mind that maybe my mother was a narcissist, but she was always very cold, favored my younger sister (middle child), blamed me for everything even if I didn't know what she was talking about, and as I grew older she did a lot of damage to my credibility with my family by telling outrageous lies; she would twist a perfectly innocent conversation into something that never happened and didn't even resemble the encounter. My younger sister recently told me I was very negative about our mother; I was shocked. By telling her what I experienced I was merely seeking some understanding from my siblings (there were 5 of us, me being the oldest daughter, 2nd child, I have an older brother). My mother passed away in February 2017 but I felt no loss because I had lost her when I was about 4 and realized then that she did not love me and it made me so very sad but, even at that age, I knew I could not let my mother see me cry so I'd go outside where she couldn't see me and cry my tears because I felt no love and so badly wanted to "fix" whatever seemed to be broken. It only got worse as the years went by, and she even once told me that everything bad that happened in her life was my fault and it was too bad I had lived. How can a mother hate their child so much? I know narcissists are incapable of love, but it's still difficult for me to understand. I'm trying my best to heal and find what Dr. C shares very helpful. I think what has saved me is that I never followed her thought processes and went my own way even at a very young child; I just Iearned very early on that if I didn't tell her what I thought, how I did something, or what was happening that she would not be any the wiser and I was correct. I pray for the wisdom to understand all this and am SO thankful that my mother taught me how NOT to treat others; she was a very excellent example of very bad behavior and cruelty and I do not want to be like that. I hope I heal before I die; I'm in my mid-70s and want to be free of her evil.

Hi Dr C, Your observation about the N's arrested emotional development clicked. I watched a parenting instruction video on establishing discipline with a 5 year old using a time out bench. It was astonishing that 2 parents (enablers) were totally intimidated allowing their 5 year old to run the show. It took the parents 3 & 1/2 HOURS to keep retrieving their screaming 5 year old from all over the house to sit on a bench for 5 MINUTES. The only "time out bench" for a Narcissist is boundaries, grey rock, no contact etc. It's like the now adult, Narcissistic, smarter, manipulative, devious 5 year old is running the show surrounded by enablers. Unreal.

My son and I had a disagreement 4 yrs ago around C-19, vax. He and my daughter-in-law stopped speaking to us and we moved on and it's been difficult. I've been praying for a Godly intervention and we received a text Dec 18 that they had just has a baby girl. It was totally unexpected as they believed she was infertile. We believe that was the intervention we were asking for. My son is so controlling, angry and has been telling others, including some marriage counselling 'therapist' that he was abused, beaten by me as a child. I was so shocked and angry because the truth is, my sons were very privileged, spoiled actually. Anyway, my husband took a box of books, baby things from my son as a gift to the new grandchild. I did not go and there's been zero contact, not even a thank you from either of them. I did see recent photos of her and it's broken my heart to know I'll likely never get to hold her or be a grandmother. I'm shattered by all of this. It's really a level of character and spiritual assassination. I was in Costco yesterday, heard a baby cry and saw a woman that I thought was my daughter-in-law. I fell apart, started crying and terrified of what I'd say or do if it was them. I know I don't deserve this and I am praying for my son to experience a prodigal son awakening. I was born to into a violent, narcissist father home in 1952, rejected before I was even born. Unwittingly raised to be a great source of 'supply' to my family and friends. Loving, generous, solved everyone's problems, put them all ahead of myself. This is the result. The pain is excruciating and my only other prayer is to be taken home to be with the Lord. 🙏✝️💔

My narcissist is my daughter. That's painful! She is now 53 years old and her narcissism has split up our family and landed her very close to going to jail. She has had husbands I never met and children who think the worst of me, and even some children I have never met. I have not heard from my daughter in years and blanch at the thought of getting yet another letter. BOL to everyone who goes through this.

This video is one i will keep coming back to watch again and read the comments again. It really hits the nail on the head.

There may be a cost to disconnecting from a narcissist, but I hold fast to the FREEdom it brings! Thanks Dr C! Hi SIR GUS! Hey TH!

I lost everything when I divorced a narcissist. I lost my children, half a house, insurance policies ( in other words a fair divorce settlement) and my family.

I cut off my whole entire family and had to walk away from them to save my sanity. I did it very late, but better late than never. I'm part of two large support groups. One is for adult children of dysfunctional families (there's millions of narcissistic mothers out there) and the other is for estranged adult children. I still suffer from the emotional abuse neglect and abandonment from my narcissistic mother with my physical health and mental illness. It's a lonely life but I nearly ended my life because of her abuse and bullying for 18 years. She would have been happy to kill me. I won't let her win and ruin me. I have God, my support groups, my emotional recovery, my friends and 2 loving cats. I am strong and brave to keep going after everything she's put me through. I see her as if she's a small disabled wild animal that can't walk or help itself to eat. She's totally reliant on others and very pathetic. I'm glad I am the opposite of her - loving, honest, trustworthy, respectful, caring and kind. X

I'm living this. I can corroborate every word Dr. C stated. The never ending abuse prompted me to file for divorce. And remarkably the abuse escalated. The smear campaign began years before filing. And the filing led to physical aggression and rampant financial abuse (fraud, hiding assets, stealing, etc.). I've tried 3 times to escape from him. And you know what I've come to realize, escaping is the justice. For him it's such a horrendous defeat - achieving escape, that's the justice my friends. And if you've made it, YOU WON!🎉

Lol. High cost for me was 9 years of guessing and waiting, attorney retainer and fees above that, a bit over 1/2 of the selling price of marital home, a bit under 1/2 of my retirement investments, and holding a sizeable, but worthless check (made out to both of us that my bank would only deposit to a joint account that went away at discard). But the freedom! Oh, the freedom!

My malignant narcissist used a specific elimination pattern. Beware if they call the police on you, once that happens you cannot defend yourself!

Thank you, Dr. Carter!!! You truly understand this evil that is narcissism. It has brought me abuse, separation from loved ones, and decades of pain and confusion. Please keep talking about it so those of us who have suffered so much for so long can retain our sanity and move forward with our lives. Thanks to you I have found my bearings and I am finally truly free. I have suffered huge losses but I have survived and I am now thriving. I am dedicated to dignity, respect, civility, peace, love, and kindness, all of which are foreign to narcissists. I am sad for the narcissists I loved, but I cannot make their choices for them. I can only live my life as well as I can, and that is what I'm doing. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your guidance.

They speak so well that they go unnoticed…25 years in this mess. My son talks like him

This goes with what you say.. Allowing that peaceful place within to guide.. When something goes against that to check in with that peaceful place to see what that has to say..

My narc's passive-aggressive bashing continues & has been thrust upon my adult children. It's been a DECADE since the divorce. He gets triggered & the games begin. A recent 'disclosure', designed to hurt me, caused me to bother for about 36 hrs. Then, over it. I consider this a big stride & an example of healthy healing. Not fully there, but in progress!💜

Heavenly Father, thank you for sending this man to me today of all days. I will continue to live in Love and Peace. To keep pushing the hurt away. Thank you Dr Carter!

I disconnected from a narcissist today actually, or rather I was disconnected with. Thank you so much for this I needed it today, you have no idea

So so true! I lost my daughter (temporarily, maybe a couple years), my pets, all my personal belongings, my job, and my house I loved. And, of course, anyone I knew. It’s ok. He did a good job of trying to destroy me. I was married 23 years and it’s been 2 years since my escape. I will never be compromised again. Please just get away from these people!

I'm 7 months out of a Narcisistic relationship. We have a child and it can be so difficult at times. It seems the kinder I am the meaner she becomes. She keeps hooking me into things just to make sure she has power over me. It's so exhausting to deal with. I just want the best for our son and she just wants what she wants.

Immediate family is the worst. Pastor Robert Jeffress from First Baptist Church in Dallas said this country has a fetish on family. I believe it, I've lived it. Anytime I complain about my mother people acted like I was the problem. I was born in 67, and she stayed in bed with depression for the better part of 40 years. She was a teacher, but as soon as she came home she hit the bed, weekend she stayed in bed. When she retired she make the bed her permanent place. I have no siblings or children, the entire burden was put on me to take care of her. Every time I moved out there was some problem and I was either called back out by the police, or I just had to resort to moving back in. I'm 56 years old, she's been dead for 10 years, and I still scream at her as if she's still here. She was the major reason I decided not to have any children. My parents divorced when I was 16, my father was an abusive alcoholic so I never saw him again. Normal people just don't understand how lucky they are 😔

4:48 Absolutely yes! He ensures I pay a high price for leaving him, and I have seen a side of him I never thought possible...all the things Dr C describes here I've experienced since I left. I also lost a ton financially to him in the settlement agreement, BUT it is all worth it to get myself and my life back.

Thank you Dr. C !! There's no way to communicate with narc's because when you try its always, somehow your fault. Im really at the end of my rope! God is my strength 🙏

Spot on as always, Les! Agreed. When I finally left my suspected covert, there was plenty of collateral damage, you have to expect this. Mutual friends, her family, etc, just stopped talking to me at all. Assuming her smear campaign was a good one. While it adds to the pain, the freedom from it all is WORTH IT!!!! And anyone you loose as part of it that listens to only one side, wasn’t worth keeping anyway. I’m moving forward daily with healthiness, Doc! And I’m living into it! With a lot of wisdom from you! Thank you👍😇

all so recognizable. I grew up with a narcissistic mother. During my marriage I soon discovered that my (ex) wife was an almost perfect copy of my mother. They hated each other , never said two sentences in a row without shouting . When I left my ex, they suddenly got along well and were able to exchange information about me and how bad I was. It took years to get out of my ex's bad influence. She used my daughter. Recently the bond with my daughter has been restored, my ex behaves like a small child, she cannot tolerate that things are going well with my daughter again.

My story. I disconnected from a narc sister in law and my flying monkey sibling and I was amazed at how they turned the whole family against me. Luckily they all live in another state and don’t know any of my friends. I had to grieve for the loss but it convinced me more than ever that I did the right thing.

Haters gonna hate, but lovers love on.

Brilliant video Dr C. You sum it up perfectly. Just wish id known about narcissism in my teens. I applied to join army nursing to enable me to live away from my family. Guess what she did? She cancelled my final interview, behind my back, pretending to be me. When the HR officer suspected it wasnt me, she rang back. My nother answered the phone, passed the phone to me and the HR officer said "who was that who answered the phone?". "My mother", i replied. The HR officer said "Thats who rang me earlier to cancel your interview. Do you want me to report it?". Foolishly i told her "No thanks, i need to talk with her first". Very foolishly i believed what my mother said when she explained that she had told a neighbour, Nikki, and that she must have cancelled the appointment as she drank quite a bit. I believed her stupidly although i couldnt understand why until i started watching these videos Dr C. Theres a background of hitting and shouting from my mother going back to the age if 5 but its only as you get older, and wiser, that you watch Dr C's videos and you realise how wicked, manipulative and nasty people can be. And she was meant to be my mother, in a position of trust. Ive cut all comms with her in 2015. Im 63 now and regret the harm and misery she got away with. But im healing slowly x

Thank you so much, I underline every sentence you said. After 20 years in a relationship including marriage with highly narcissistic, disordered husband, I ended up 10 weeks hospitalised. The only reason I didn’t choose suicide, it’s because I have a son from previous relationship and the very moment I thought my life is over, I was thinking of my son; what would I want him to do in a hopeless situation and my answer was: I want him to get help. so I drove to the hospital and got the help I needed. it took me three years in the end to get back to a normal life now, seven years later the collateral damage is still huge: as described, losing my social environment, financial troubles caused by him, but the worst? No way to trust any men, I built solid wall of protection around my heart and soul. And I’m still trying to build up self esteem . Yes, I’ve been there: lower than the worst, as pointed out in this video. I was told that I am a piece of shit, full of shit, disgrace to society.. We had a business together. And the worst thing to happen was someone commenting about how good I am doing, even when I had success.- the punishment followed at once. I was not allowed to succeed in anyway. I didn’t know about narcissistic disorder back then, had never heard of. I just felt this tremendous injustice, the constant belittlement, I couldn’t explain, and the worst; and knew I was living a nightmare, but there was no way escaping from it. until that day came to all of you who hadn’t experienced this? If a friend of yours tells you about psychological abuse, take them seriously.

My mother in law tried to paint me as some that was “oppressing” her to my husband and anyone else in her family that would listen. She took it a step further by saying that “spiritual” forces are behind people’s actions and event sent my husband Psalms 91 when he wasn’t buying into her narrative! I wanted for months to try and understand why she was feeling this way and begged her to tell me why so we could address the root cause of the issue and heal. She wouldn’t. So I finally had to move on and let go of the magical fantasy that I had and accept where she is.

Very destructive behavior from these people. Was having drinks the other night with a narcissist, they’ll act a certain way all night. Then that narcissist threatened to call the cops on me after I had a few drinks to potentially get me in trouble with the law. Now I know I will be reducing my time with that individual, also realtering how I spend time at events theyll be at because it’s too dangerous to be around someone that can spontaneously wreckless. So the timing of the information in this video couldn’t have been better!

I love the ending about love and peace. I am in the middle of breaking up and it's like a 4D chess game, and I just let him know I know everything he did. It's terrifying, but I needed to do that for my sanity. I want to keep focusing on the fact that this will end and I can have peace and stability again some day soon.

Thank you so much Dr Carter. Watching your videos has helped me tremendously. I believe you are God sent. I've been dealing with a malignant narcissist sister living with my 88 year old mother who is passive aggressive mother who has all my life has showed favoritism to the other sibling who is the malignant narcissist. I finally set boundaries and set my life free starting today!!

My daughter has used my grandchildren as weapons against me for 18 years. My husband and I believe they keep having children to keep us paying their way to keep the kids off the street. Luckily we live in a small community, the family and friends know what’s going on. My daughter and son in law are not thought of highly by anyone we know and care about. My daughter actually thinks she is entitled to inherit her stepfather’s business, heck no! It’s put in an irrevocable trust for the grandchildren once they turn 25! Their evil plans have failed.

There is not a single person who was a joint friend of myself and my ex who has ever contacted me. But this was helpful because any shared information was used by my ex for gaslighting and smearing. I don’t care. These people are not worth knowing. I have a small group of new friends with excellent boundaries. My sister and brother and son (but not daughter) have stood by me. Every one of the ex-friends - even 5 years later - thinks he is the victim and I am hateful.

I won’t truly relax until I get the news that“my” narcissist has died. He delights in messing with my mind, gets his jollys by ruining people who don’t fawn all over him…. Btw… he’s a beloved ( by many )pastor…

Seven years and still aching. My family of origin was narc and I inadvertently married another narc that was more covert. Ended up losing the marriage and my husband's huge family, including my grandchildren, and on my side of the family only one surviving member left and she is the worse narc of all. To top it off, my workplace had a management team change and they were so narcissistic most peopls including me, left. Now I am having financial worries as I am mid 60s and no one at all to turn to.

I'm so glad I stayed single. I have total peace.✌️ And no, I never get lonely. It's better to BE alone than to WISH you were alone. I just spent 2 and a half months taking care of a verbally abusive elderly cousin in Florida, who'd just had a knee replacement. She criticized everything -- she said "I can't believe how many hot dogs you eat" -- and I eat about 3 a month from Circle-K. I needed to write a list for the store and grabbed a piece of printer paper, and she said "I can't imagine why you used an expensive piece of printer paper" -- and I told her "It's just TYPING PAPER!" It was just a constant daily drip of petty criticisms. If I misplaced something she wouid berate me for "ALWAYS" doing this or that. I finally told her "Do you have to tell me everything that's wrong with me whenever I can't find something? Can't you just say 'Yeah that's a bummer. Let's look for it???" So while SHE was berating me for losing something, SHE had locked her purse and her key in her hotel room. I didn't berate her, I simply told her we need to go to the desk and get a key. Another time I told her "I'm sorry I'm not a perfect person" another time I told her "Can't you just let me be myself?" What IS IT with these ppl, that you keep letting them know they are overstepping your personal boundaries by saying rude, hateful things, yet they keep doing it?! Grrrr...I finally packed up and left, and then she didn't want me to leave! Nevertheless I drove the 2000 miles back to Colorado just to have peace. And now I'm snowed in with 28 inches in Estes Park, Colorado, and am diggin' the peace and serenity I'm experiencing. Anyways, sometimes you need to rant a little. But she and I are scheduled to take another cross-country road trip from Estes Park to Nashville this summer, and I'm somewhat anxious about it. I don't understand why these ppl continue with verbally abusing you even after you tell them to stop!

Endless flying monkeys. They're dangerous,but very sad characters.