Demisexuality is very valid :) I do however wonder if one of the arguments defending it maybe is used in not exactly the best way? The video used the argument of casual [s-word] and the hiring of [s-word] workers to counter the claim that not everybody is demisexual. Don't we shoot ourselves in the foot by using it? In the Ace community we explicitly stress the divide between attraction and behaviour, as is also beautifully done in this video, but this argument to me seems as if behaviour and attraction are being melted together. Can't these behaviours also take place without the attraction component? But I might be wrong, I'm not demisexual, I'm somewhere else on the Ace specrum, so maybe I'm reasoning to logically and am I missing some experiential facets?
No, you're absolutely right! A demisexual person, the same as any ace person, can have casual sex despite not feeling sexual attraction for whatever reason. What I said was oversimplifying and overgeneralising, but that was partly by design. If I were to explain an orientation taking into account all edge cases and personal experiences, the explanation wouldn't be particularly helpful as it would amount to "You can do anything and be demi". Of course, this is true, but from a strictly educational standpoint, I think it's best to speak in generalities. And I do still stand by my point because although some demi people may want casual sex, that wouldn't be the majority of demis, and hookups are common enough to imply that not everyone is demi in my opinion. That being said, I do wish I had made it clear I was overgeneralising in the video so I've pinned your comment for people to see the exception 😊
Thanks so much Daniel, I am so much more comfortable in my skin after identifying as Demisexual last year. I do however avoid talking about it too frequently due to the comments mentioned in your video, it makes it so much easier for ally’s such as yourself to break down those barriers. People also don’t understand you can have a fantasy about being sexually attracted to someone but if that person walked into a room and wanted to actually do it there and then you would struggle! Also like you say people still have labido and have sex for other reasons, often against their values and often for the wrong reasons such as please a partner.
As someone who has come to terms with being homoromantic demisexual, thank you for this. Personally I feel aesthetic attraction fairly often. I can look at a guy and be like wow okay👀. But my first thought really isn’t sex. It took forever for me to really feel comfortable and safe with someone and once I did that sexual attraction came out of nowhere. As you said it’s a spectrum. Not every ace person is going to feel the same.
Thank you for covering demisexuality, It's an interesting one to explain and people can often misunderstand, I've had responses like 'isn't that just Catholicism', or 'so like women?', 'That must make dating easier since you'll only be [redacted for RU-vid] your friends', 'well once you're a grown up [I was 19 and at university when they said it] you'll understand', 'like how Muslims and Catholics wait until they are married', 'Wait until the testosterone kicks in' [they thought I was a trans man] and one person even asked if I was 'just pro-Russia'. However all these are as you said around behaviors (where the link to Russia came from I have no idea, but I've met some pretty stupid people). Still, thank you for being understanding and presenting an understanding view of the demisexual identity and community. Happy Pride. :)
Well done. I would also like you to please discuss ageosexuality. I am a demiomnisexual cis female. I have also grown to realize I'm demiromantic and ageosexual as well. Thank you.
Hello Daniel, I hope that you are doing well. I would like to ask you a question regarding demisexuality. So, I am pretty sure that I am demisexual, but I am also heteroromantic. Am I considered as a part of the LGBTIQ+ community or not? I am so confused with that. The thing is that I do not want to be judged as a “normal heterosexual person who wants to be a part of the LGBTIQ+ community”. I feel that if I share this with people who are LGBTIQ that they will judge me, and not only them, but that also heterosexual people will think that I just made up a term for myself to fit into the queer community, and I have no intention of “making up labels” to fit into the queer community (I can’t even see the reason why somebody would want to do that). I know that even asexual people are very often marginalized in the queer community and I really don’t want to seem as an attention seeking person. I know that as a heteroromantic person I don’t have the problems that LGBTI people do, but I still feel different from the vast majority of heterosexual people. However, I do consider myself an ally, I am even an activist for LGBTIQ+ rights in my country, but still I would really like to know the answer to this question, because I have been searching for an answer for a while now. If you could give me the answer, I would be very grateful. Thanks in advance!
Hi Marija! sorry for the late response, but RU-vid flagged your comment for some reason 😝 I would consider anyone who is not cisgender, heteroromantic, allosexual, and heterosexual as being welcome as part of the LGBT+ community. A lot of people who are under those categories don't like being automatically placed in the community though, so I hesitate to say definitively as it is a personal choice to be part of a community. But yes, if you are demi, I would absolutely consider you as LGBT+ if you wanted to be labelled as such, because your experience is fundamentally different from a cis straight person's 😊
