This is why it’s so important to not tell your stuff right away to any new person. Narcissists steal your personality and transfer their nastiness onto you.
ANYONE who leaves you scratching your head, and questioning yourself, needs to go. They are mind-gaming, and not likely to be worth your time, effort and affection.
This is so true. What I recommend is that you have a fictional story to tell people. Something quite simple, and believable. And change the details depending on the person you are talking to. Why do we need to share our stories with anyone? To gain their trust? Absolutely not. We do that so the other person can reciprocate, but people hardly ever, if ever, do.
Sharing personal stories can be both positive and negative..Positive aspects are that one's stories served as a significant sign posts as 👉🔙🔚🔛🔜📛☢️⛔️🚮🚻🚭☣️🚸 to warning ⚠️ others from falling into the chickens holes that could result in broken whatever parts of bodies are vulnerable mostly..The negative aspects are that the Devil's Narc. Individuals are being exposed naked in public..That would be the MOST HUMILIATION that anyone can endure and CAN NEVER REGAIN TRUST OR CREDIBILITY to anyone else afterwards..Period..
My mom does this. She has taken my thoughts and interests and made them her own, goes on telling about them as her own. But it feels more like identity theft than mirroring.
I understand how you feel. One of my sisters did this for quite a while until she started turning on me because I withdrew from her and became less available to her. It’s been two years and she’s acquired flying monkeys to befriend me with the intention of getting information. What she may not realize is I know this because some have told me what she’s doing. With most of these people I have kept a on a need to know basis. Which means I say nothing in response to them saying awful things about her. First of all, it doesn’t matter if she is still wasting her time trying to get a negative response from me. I have acquaintance type of conversations with these people and it doesn’t take long to figure out there agenda. Just a couple of questions, like how was your visit and what did you do while here. Usually I’ll get info like, oh I saw so and so and boy she’s still acting crazy or I saw so and so and wow, she’s still mad at you. lol all I say is “ but what else did you do?” It’s those people that circle around and bring up so and so again and again who in my experience are definitely flying monkeys for so and so. Just my experience with this and my life is so much healthier and calmer
@@ChrisTina-pl5jq please separate yourself from them. Tell them less about yourself the less the can try to compete or act as if they are stealing. I’m real quick to confront someone and say stop trying to copy by life are you that lost. I understand if you haven’t got to that point but you honestly should distance yourself from them. They have mental issues and low self worth. Trying to steal from you shows they are willing to go low.
@@candiceparr4174 that’s a smart move to lessen your convo. Ppl like that don’t like there own life and barely have a life so they live in a fantasy island 🌴 lol ik someone who does this and they recently found out that someone else was copying them just like they copy others. They can dish it but can’t take it.
When I think about the good times and why I loved him I realize that it was during this mirroring time... so in all reality I suppose I really love myself lol...
She saved my life just today! One comment, and all the confusion that had me convinced I was on the brink of psychosis just evaporated! God’s soldier here. Thank you!
They switch it on and off, whatever promises the least conflict with their explanations about themselves. An exploit mechanism is gaslighting you into doubting you feel or feel enough, then exploiting doubt and guilt by asking sth. of you as restitution.
Emulating, they study you and then try to assume your identity and pass themselves off as you - trying to esteem themselves as if they are as unique as you are. The mimic those they admire, then try to destroy them. So once they've studied and copied you, they slander you, telling people you are copying them. It's very creepy. It feels like identity theft.
Really good insight. I remember she 'accidentally' said she had been sober the number of years i was, when hers was not very many years. It was more like IMPERSONATION than emulation. Definitely feels like identity theft.
This is what Wade Robson did to Michael Jackson & Amber Heard did to Johnny Depp. I wish people would see through their NPD/ASPD personalities. Coz they went all out to destroy the one they idolised & mirrored.
Wow. This is true. When I have pointed out my husband imitating things I do he immediately denies it and tells me “I’m the one that gave you the idea!” Smh
@@gioovannabp Yep without doubt shes saved & helped lots people lives , she's great woman & narc expert.....Reading through comments over last like month since i found her channel, I've lost count to amount people thanking her for saving them.....She should be called Saint Ramani tbh lol🙏😇 because amount lives she's saved
Same here, it also irritates me to the core especially if it was something meaningful to me. I’d literally feel uncomfortable to the point where I’d ‘hide’ my personality/experiences whenever around them.
Mirroring & projection is something the narcissist is very good at or they used to be . But I don't fall for alot of their bs anymore . Narcissist are nothing but low grade actors .
Mikey, my man. I'll swap you two high grade for four low grades if you can give me a decade of my life back. I'll even throw in a couple of bullets. Or how about you keep the lot and I'll throw in an unlimited supply of rounds. I'm joking of course because if I seriously think about it I'd have no empathy and be a narc myself. One behind bars than six on the loose does make sense though. How many likes of encouragement do I need‽
@@nellsmith9721 On a similar vein, one thing that my Ex used to say a lot and with a sense of pride whenever he'd get one up on someone was 'You can't con a con'.
I realize that I will attract a narcissist within 10 seconds of entering a room. I have a horrible time identifying niceness, for data mining, or common interests vs. mirroring. This is from distortion for years at the hand of my mom and sis. Now I know to pay attention and set boundaries early on. It is hard for us people pleasers to break the cycle.
We are all people please to some extent because we humans just want to feel good and happiness which i guess makes us pretty conflict avoidant for most of us anyway. I had no clue how to identify genuine people at all even if i am one i got it right by luck once or twice but that's it, but in a room of people oh it's tough because everybody looks the same on the surface and so many conflicting energies. I think i'll have to write a short list of words down to help me focus otherwise i'll get so lost amongst the sea of people and walk right into it again.
My former partner who was a narcissist would use my traumas and wounds against me and talk about them so nonchalantly. He knew what he was doing and it was to keep me under his thumb and use it against me when needed.
So how do you honestly know when you can genuinely trust someone, as opposed to someone who is just doing this bullshit? I saw your comment, and I had to ask this question, and if you would please be gracious enough to answer, I would truly appreciate a response. All I know is we live in a "user" mindset society, and I am not just talking here in America, it seems to be a global mindset.
@@thecowboy9698 I'm not Paul, but like to try and this is my idea: Observe the narcissist candidate in his interactions with others to see to what degree s/he changes, especially values and ideations. Most revealing will be interactions with their professional peers, who could see through grandiose claims. When confronted, a narcissist could try to distort your explanations of past observations instead of (for example) admitting mistakes, lapses, or lessons learned; i. e. instead of admitting weakness.
My boyfriend and I had an argument and he said to me, " That's why your family hates you". He stored information about me and used it to attack me. He is trying to come back in my life now, but that last remark hurt too much, because my family put me through hell. For him to use that against me, hurt more than anything he has done.
In my experience, I’ve always said the Narcissist in my life cannot come up with authenticate/ original content on his own. Rather, he takes what ever the information I put out there and sends it back to me or to whomever as if it were HIS thoughts, ideals, positions, etc. He piggybacks off of everything that I do or say.
Ditto here. You said it perfectly. My narc of 26 years even does this with our adult children. He thinks he has a relationship with his son and daughter and me because if imitation. He has even copied my facial expressions while I'm telling a story. I've stopped mid sentence and have asked what the h*'ll are you doing? ... drum roll please ... guess what ... He denies it !!!!
True. Its hard for me to imagine concepts kn my head..I have to start off with an idea or image first, but after that my art will more detailed than anyone
You should really start out as friends. Skip the whole dating/peacocking. None of it's real anyway, even if they aren't Narcissists. What you really want is a partner to share your life with, not a romantic comedy disaster.
Oh yes! I was vegan when I met him, he said he was vegan too. Everything I was or liked or disliked, he did too but later he switched to everything I liked, he disliked. Everything I disliked, he liked. It was very confusing.
Does yours also tell you after he switches to the opposite likes and dislikes that you just hate everything he likes? Like making you the immature or rude one in the situation?
This makes sense why I have such an aversion to allowing people to know my very personal info and feelings, because I feel like they are going to have power over me if they have that info. Because that's what I grew up with.
It is also true though in our world sadly especially now with social media and them also selling what we post on it. If you like stargate s-g1 something daniel jackson quoted is "To know the true name of something is to destroy it's power" look up the wiki of "true name" to understand it more and how people felt the same thing throughout history of us humans. Even back then the same things were happening because we've always been so exploitative. Now that quote can mean literally finding out the true name of someone or finding out other information about someone, and it can also go both ways you using that information about them to reveal their true self or them doing that to you to hurt you. Either way you're destroying their power either their power over you or your power in yourself, this also refers to fears or something you fear too because when you finally stop being scared of it then it loses it's power. It can also mean "a true name gives you a connection to the name's owner that allows you to work magic on them from a distance" clearly talking about manipulation before they even had a name for it, so someone even knowing your name can help them gain a connection to you because your name is also personal to you. Now with social media people can possibly find a lot about you if they find out your real name. I hope that was interesting🙂
omg no way you just said that...wow. when i was able to share some info to a relative they said your in a game of intense poker and he said i dont have any kind of poker face and that i was holding my cards wide open and having each one slowly picked right from me. and then i said and i dont even play poker and felt so tricked , undermined, and taken advantage of. what a trip
My narcissist would always say how much we are alike, and she would always try to compete and one up me about things that I was interested and passionate about.
I had the exact same experience with my narc gf. My God, they are truly ruthless and evil. We survivors will be stronger for dealing with these demons.
I was once in a medical meeting with several HCWs, my ailing father, and his narc 'partner.' Throughout the whole meeting, I watched her continually mirror my body language (folding of legs and arms, shifting forward or backward, even at one point looking at me to gauge my reaction so she could then show a similar concerned facial expression). It's like she had to keep emulating me to 'know' how to act in the situation. Knowing she's a grandiose narcissist is so helpful in dealing with her and understanding why she acts the way she does.
I got actual chills at the words "data gathering", and the subsequent fact that that data will be weaponized. I am so grateful for these videos. They have answered every single one of my "but if... then why?" questions that kept me stuck for so long.
In many cases, yes, but my narc, after initially flattering me and focusing on our similarities, pressured me to mirror him. (For the record, I was significantly younger; he positioned himself as a sort of mentor.)
Someone once told me not to say anything to anyone that you'd be ashamed to read on the front page of a major newspaper. So, yeah, we've gotta watch what we say to folks 'cause you never know how they'll use your words.
If you're feeling guilty about something the best place to get relief is probably a catholic confessional box. Anonymous, and the priest is bound by his vows. They're not even supposed to inform on murderers. Do not 'confess' to the first person who shows you a bit of sympathy. I usually forgive myself, eventually.
This is spot on. I remember in the beginning of the relationshit, my soon to be ex narc wife said to me, you should open up more and share your feelings. Now listening to this it makes sense. Wow...🤔
😬 like a bad Alfred Hitchcock movie. Hope these flags are looking more red and less pink Matt. Please don’t give up on humans though; we have a lot to give 💓 AFTER we graduate from this school of hard knocks 💪🏼💐🐬🐬
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 at this point, the only thing that will be pink, is the pink slip they are receiving. Ready for this divorce to be finalized
Matt, ah yes I remember that that stage. It’s pure bullshit. Every time I had to talk to my lawyer I would just about puke 🤮. Never thought I would be there but freedom is just around the corner. 💪🏼💐
Dear Dr Ramani, I've been listening to your podcasts for two days now and I have to say that I learnt more about my recent relationship than in the last ten-fifteen years. Amazing job, please keep it up! It's good to have someone like you on "our side". Many thanks from sensitive empath.
I love these videos. My dad said he wanted is to be a family again so I tried for two years to have a good relationship with him. He love bombed the whole time and he eventually couldn’t hold up that mask anymore. He used everything I told him against me and in 30 seconds he destroyed me. It was at that moment that I walked away and went no contact. That was 7 years ago. I feel so much better without him!
They are lousy parents. Sorry you had to experience that, but it's best to rid yourself of the toxic behavior. It's always about them, they pop in and out of your life at their pleasure, never considering how anyone else feels, ever.
And mirroring is a healthy part of a truly loving partnership. But a narc uses it for manipulation instead of bonding. They use love tools to batter us rather than better us.
This video is validating how i feel about my toxic family. I cannot stop watching your videos. Please know that I will be forever thankful to your videos.
"They mirror back what we think might be true." This is frightening. Also heartbreaking when we realize it wont change. They know exactly what they are doing.
This is interesting. When my self-esteem was high or I felt good about myself, things between us went really well too. And when the reverse was true, we had a horrible time, he would call me moody or unpleasant, etc. when I was just going experiencing normal human emotions that aren’t perfect.
"Me too" This was my ex's catch phrase. Whenever I was describing events from my life this is what I received in return. I didn't matter how obscure the event. "Me too!" I believe this was an attempt to create a false sense of sameness. To make me believe we were so similar that we were meant to be together. I'm not entirely sure though. I'm filled with such self doubt I don't believe my own thinking and intuition. The relationship was a roller coaster of intensity. I was called a narcissist constantly. Now I believe I'm one and I can't shack it. I've never experienced anxiety like this before in my life. Thank you for all you do Dr. Ramani
Why do they make us feel so weak? Like we know what they are doing is wrong but for some reason it seems impossible to stand up for ourselves. When we finally do they feel no guilt or try to put the blame back on us.
They take our energy/I guess as empaths we're dependent on our emotions and so are they, but, as emotionally stunted they cannot give of themselves hence we call them shells, empty and devoid. The mimick us to get by with the outside mirror, they're honestly glued out as how one should respond, thus their needs for us, our eventual no contact goal is a very difficult one.
Sophia Sebring, Its true, that they make us feel weak. It's just like a mad dog syndrome, a mad dog bites another dog. They are once supressed in their younger day or a learnt behaviour from the parent or both. So they learn all your weaknesses and then you are trapped by their charm, chiefly by breadcrumbing you. They literally know what wrong they are doing to you, but they have no mercy and no choice left, than to drain you of your well being, only to satisfy themselves of living in the lust of grandiosity.
Sophia Sebring they are very insecure and really weak inside, they don’t want to feel that way though, they have to bring you down so they can feel superior and in control, happened to me until I finally fought the person, now he avoids me
We do allow it , whatever our issues might be , I was in foster care with a foster Mom that was very toxic , after 8 abusive years , i questioned, and was confused about everything , there were things I wasn't even aware of . I went to councilling, it's been a long journey . Thought I had dealt with all my demons, one fear I had , and didn't even know it was fear of abandonment . Another low self esteem , another it was pounded into my head , that I was to give everyone the benifit of the doubt , and dare I judge anyone , guilt complex , misplaced guilt. I was also naively trusting of others , think it felt safer to ignore people's behavior than acknowledge it , how could I get along in such a cruel dangerous world . My years in foster care I became conditioned , better to ignore abusive treatment , than confront it , as it only made things worse . I still struggle with that at times, as a child it became a technique to avoid , a the painful reality of the circumstances I found myself in . And i couldn't imagine someone spending so much time living a lie. And it gets to the point you have invested so much , now children are involved , can't just do what's best for you , not without passing it on to your kids , couldn't abandon my kids , like I had been , and i knew , it would be your not seeing them , they would be used I sought legal advice , and was informed in Canada the Mother gets custody period , this insures Dad can keep working , and providing 0. Thats changed some what today There are all kinds of factors , that the narcissist exploits , and you cant stoop to their level , or you have become one yourself .
We were together for 11years and i still don't exactly know who I was with . Very secretive .... They have secrets and thoughts but we will never about them cause they know it'll be used against them.
Had an ex tell me I ask too many questions... It's called getting to know someone. I had to answer all his questions. Ended that relationship fast, he was hiding too much!
When the Narc mirrored me, I experienced it as an identity theft. Like, the Narc would copy me pixel by pixel. Even the way I part my hair, the brands I use, books I read, films I watch, projects I do(the Narc wants to do the exact same project too) and the list goes on.
My mother did this to everyone and lost neighbour friends over it, as a teen l got a job (which she tried to get me sacked from) and l finally had new things and clothes, she then copied my clothes, l refused to tell her where l got clothes and jewellery because she'd wear exactly what l wore and she'd look like an idiot, if l told her she was too old to pull it off she'd rage at me. I couldn't wait to get away from her. When the beatings stopped, the mirroring began, which in itself was really unsettling. I feel so blessed to have ran away young.
I'm sorry you went through that. Reading all of your comments is giving me so much more understanding of people now and i've read so many comments before on other videos over years but learning about narcissists and now mirroring has suddenly blew my mind open so much more adding so much more dimension to your comments. The fact that narcissists is just a dominant and ruling influence on all of us that it's effecting our upbringing and way of life it's shocking and mind blowing, the fact we have cptsd and were and still are so confused and understood nothing for years even about ourselves and other people and how we all just want to be cared for and loved, it's mind boggling. I judged others so much i even used to think girls who coloured their hair were being fake but really it's just self expression, i mean duh but i understood so little i thought that for a long time and i thought i understood people but not exactly because i didn't understand myself half as much. Man we really need to stop these sort of people having power over us or anything because they aren't well and it's causing so much destruction to everyone's lives.
I almost thought I was BPD, but realising I hadnt been given validation as a child does not give me the right to act out of character as an adult. Mental meditation has really killed off narcissistic traits I knew very well I have always had, even if it felt real. I accept that reality always changes. I accept that we as humans are not guaranteed to be with another person and if someone should enter my life will be "safe, honest, reciprocal and kind." I'm making myself do routines and healthy lifestyle. I recognize empathy but I know that peoples thoughts are NOT my business. I watch these videos daily along with other DBT videos because in reality, we cannot afford help. We are always broke until we fix ourselves. I love Ramani for reaching so many without being offensive.
I appreciate your candor. Not many people like you will expose themselves like that. I wonder who else here is just like? It's not for me to seek them out but I just wonder. Thank you for being honest 💜
@Christopher Smith if at 20 you feel this way, lemme tell you its not gonna be always like that, you will see better days. Seek God, his Word, be humble enough to continue on your self improvement journey. You are not perfect and will never be but things will get better I promise. If you are willing to do the work you will see a change. Give an update next year
The ancient Greeks had a saying, “Know Thyself.” If you accurately know who you are then the narcissist can’t trick you into thinking something different.
They're very good at manipulation and gaslighting. Don't make the mistake of thinking you'll outsmart them. As soon as you realize they're a narcissist, just get away from them.
My last relationship with a narcissist was so unnerving with this. He would imitate me so closely it would profoundly creep me out. It's like he was empty. He made me feel like I was empty, too, and like I was suddenly in a relationship with a caricature of myself. It felt like having an existential crisis. Who was he? Who was I? The dynamics people hold in a relationship are predicated on each person being uniquely themselves and complementing each other. When he mirrored me so closely, it made me feel like he was stealing my identity. Like the hole in him was so vast that the sheer gravitational pull of his emptiness demanded to consume the ways in which I was solid. He made me feel like I was a flimsy plastic counterfeit. It reminds me of the Doctor Who episode, Midnight, where they encounter an alien species that studies them so closely and mimics them so completely that it almost kills everyone on board the ship. Boundaries are so important with these people. There is no stressing that enough.
When the veil finally lifts it’s all so clear. I remember thinking that my narc looked dead behind the eyes at times. He was a really good mimic, but he wasn’t that good.
In a way, mirroring is the narcissist using our own narcissism against us. They reflect an idealized version of ourselves back at us, making us fall in love with how they represent us or how we think they see us. When we finally fall for it and want more of it, that’s when they drop the hammer, and we realize that, during the whole process, we were no better than the narcissist, lapping up the idealized version of ourselves. Their devaluation is them taking the idealized version of us in the complete opposite direction: we go from being the most amazing person in the world to being worthless, and we allow them to define us that way in hopes that we can one day prove them wrong with our unending love... holding out hope that they’ll once again reflect that shiny image of ourselves back to us again. Tricky lil narcs. But too bad, baby. Tricks are for kids and Momma’s all grown up now. 🙂
Ding ding ding. Exactly this. She's nothing but a moron using a mask I put on to speak with her. I never felt comfortable. It was always chaotic. Being around her means you have to have Stockholm syndrome. When I still looked at her stuff, she just looked sad, pathetic and empty trying to still copy a version of who she thought I was. But I never actually had any fun because I was brainwashed. None of it was real on either side
In the devaluation they will disagree something that they used to be on your side, just to makes you upset and test your boundaries. They are so empty they don’t even their opinions are fake...
dude I couldn't figure out my toxic relationship with my friend over 3 years of therapy. Every video narcissist video is like she wrote my friendship with this person to a T. This has helped me so much and been the breakthrough I needed to move on. Thank yOU!
I'm here now.... After 6 months at therapy I just realised my friend BF of a decade is a fragile narcissist. Now I'm dealing with the fallout. It gets better..... Right?
"You can't con an honest man" If you feel 'seen' for the first time by a narcissist, it's because they've seen the delusion you hold true about yourself, which in reality are almost always positive things, like how good looking or s3xy you are, and 'mirrored' those things back to you. You feel seen for the first time because reality usually mirrors or reflects back the truth, which is your not as good as you think you are. Most people have an inaccurate self-image, they believe they're better not worse than their truth.
"imitation game" is a great description. The narcissist creates an imitation of an actual relationship. A real relationship can nourish, nurture, and activate both people, but just like eating a plastic orange, there is only a suggestion of sweetness and flavor A masterful narcissist can continually keep us interested in "plastic fruit" until we forget what real fruit tastes like.
Funny thing, a neighbor man was pursuing me a year or so ago, I was noticing this mirroring behavior but I didnt have a name for it, I called it shape shifting because he was constantly making himself match everything about me and I could sense what he was doing. I wasnt interested from the beginning so I think that made it easy to see thru him, but it's nice to know the actual term. Good video, thanks!
My sister in law had curly blond hair, all one length, shorter due to the curls. She seemed to be getting oddly interested in me. I had long, dark hair with blunt bangs. She told she wanted to change her hair. She sent me a picture and my jaw dropped. Her hair had been straightened, dyed brown, and she had blunt bangs. It was a “Single White Female” moment, and I was very disturbed by it. I didn’t dare say a word at that point. Four years no contact! You got this!
Same thing happened to me. I worked with someone who developed this strange fixation with me, stared all the time. Shortly after we met, and she started asking me all kinds of pointed questions about my life. I didn't give her much info, as it was all so weird. When I first met this woman, she had been wearing a wig. Last straw for me was when she came in to work on a Monday, a few weeks later, with her hair almost exactly like mine--wig removed, and hair dyed exactly the same shade as mine. She gradually tried to copy everything about me. Long story short, I cut contact with her as much as possible. Even though I cut her off, she still watched me, and copied me as much as she could. The woman was completely insane, and I avoided her at all costs.
Terrific video. They are 'injustice' collectors (even if it's only perceived injustice) and maintain an invisible scoreboard above your head. They will study you with blank eyes and you'll mistakenly think this is the look of lov admiration or lust. But it's not. They're studying you like a PhD as NarcSurviror says. Chilling in hindsight and only survivors of Narc abuse can understand it. Sending everyone love and strength on their road to recovery. It's possible to find happiness again. Genuine happiness.
1984musicman Interesting, I’ve experienced this blank trance like stare first hand and observed his stare at others. Not sure what was going on behind those fixed eyes but it was odd.
Dude, this sent shivers up my spine (I'm beyond crying when I read these comments, just). I can see that stare in her eyes now, saw it so often in our time together.
And they all want to have sex with their targets. Like the woman that stalks and mirrors and wants to be me here and there I think actually wanted a relationship with me. And the fact that I'm with the love of my life sent her into a spiral of competition and hoovering behaviors to pull at my heart strings. Ignore everything they do. They're a desperate black hole of nothingness
In regards to narcissists creating twisted mirrors and why we try to fight it so hard " in the begining we are Believing that we are understood..... and then wanting to fight at the end to make them understand the rest of us. " Is an absolute Gold interpretation. Thank you.
Yes, SO true! Your videos are so validating. Mimicking, emulating and data collection: They take inventory of what they're adding to their agenda, what they can utilize. They treat others as assets, inventory, fleet, benefits to be tallied, used and then purged (taken out of inventory). That is, after being "processed" through the "maintenance dept" to see if "it" (the human object) can be any further manipulated ("fixed"). When it has been exhausted, it gets purged via Degrade and Discard Phase: Tagged for removal.
I remember dating my now narc husband and we were in a restaurant with my son(from a previous marriage). I was interacting with my son and having a fun conversation, and I just looked up and he was just staring at me like he was wondering about something. I thought it was kind of weird at the time...but I brushed it off. Now I know....he was mirroring. Wow! After we got married...he became quite jealous of my son (like a brother or a kid). I never understood that. When we first, started dating, he was so anxious to show off my son to his mom and bragged about how he was such an awesome, kid! Then it changed.
My narcissist used to use my genuinely expressed thoughts back to me to save himself,but in a twisted way.Every fact and feeling will be used against us in their critical time.
In my ex-narc relationship, that "critical time" was when her supply dried up, and it was time for her to move onto the next supply. She was going to leave but it still had to be my fault, so she needed me to be so angry with her that I broke up. So all the ammo she had loaded over a year's time came out like a hateful machine gun and I unceremoniously kicked her out. Her sob story of being a victim could continue for the next guy in line.
There is basically some level of mirroring going on in near every interaction, whether we’re aware of it or not, we all affect each other. There are sometimes difficult mirror lessons to be learned about ourselves when there’s a pattern with a “challenging” person. Doesn’t mean one of those people is to be labeled narcissistic, but just natural human.
Thank you for being honest!!! I have tried my best to open the eyes of people who are blindly accepting all messaging that may validate their perspective but I'm afraid it's falling on deaf ears and I don't see any signs of possible change
@@t.j.huckaby1924 Awesome that you see it. In my experience there’s 1) definitely people to get away from and 2) the leftover ptsd to heal from. And those are major things that can take a few years of internal labor to heal from. But If you look deep enough into narcissism, and your introspective, any honest person will tell you they’ve found some lower case (n)narcissism in themselves. The only people I’ve seen address this in valuable & honest ways are Richard Grannon (awesome intellect) and Stacy Hoch: Empoweress (superb insight). People who keep explaining a binary of what “good people” look like vs what “narcissists” look like seem sadly as lacking insight & integrity enough to go to another design for the whole thing. Because people can catch narcissism psychosis and be paranoid studying it for years. I’ve seen it & it’s terrible to see people staying at that level of ptsd. 🦋☮️🦋 Edit: sorry for all the edits.
To be fair, if with growing up you mean in your teens; teenagers are very self centered. That's because our brains are not fully developed and emotional maturity is not known to us at that age. For young people it's also very important to fit in, that's why you see so many cliques wearing the same kinds of clothes or buying the same things. As a teen you want to follow all the trends and have all the same stuff as your friends and peers because it's survival at that age to be with a group.
this happens a lot with gangstalking perpetrators. They mirror and imitate their target. yes, it's creepy! This channel has helped me tie up a lot of loose ends. Thank you.
@@jazwhoaskedforthis gangstalking is when the mind starts to get paranoid and defensive and the sufferer starts to see similar cars, random people, or regulars at shops as a coordinated effort to stalk and ruin your life. The reality is that you see the same people if you have the same routine, you see the same cars because there are only so many designs and colors. It really derails someone's life because they start to see everyone around them as some sort of stalker. I know someone in a very small town who started getting gangstalking delusions and it ruined their social life because people they've known their whole life started becoming "enemies" that stalked them.
For years I considered carrying a mirror for this exact reason. Now I meditate every morning and envision a protective mirror around my entire body. Somedays it takes a lot of shit and abuse and I feel compassion for how lost, confused and wounded they are. I no longer feel resposible, hurt or sorry for them, however I release anger, disgust and resentment at least once a day. Thanks for yet another empowering confirmation🙏
yeah I heard the "you're just like your mother" during an argument as well. Thankfully I was already on my healing journey so I realised that it's the other way around - I practically married a different version of my Mum. So I wasn't hurt but it opened my eyes.
The whole quote is actually this: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” Credited to Oscar Wilde It’s meant to be a caution about and a slight dig at people who have no authentic sense of self and just mimic others for their own gain.
They have NO authentic sales of self!!!! That is the truth right there! I have literally caught him mirroring me when be didn’t know I was watching…. It was creepy but funny at the same time….. Because I had finally realized he was mentally ill!
Another important point, while searching for signs in ppl if they are narcissist or not also look into yourself because the ability of being self aware and questioning yourself is really what makes u different from a narcissist. It also helps u create a non distorted image of yourself when u accept the flaws and work on it and thus it can actually save you from being manipulated.
Mine actually said that she wanted to be "in" me. It was said in such a way of desperation that it impacted me, I'll never forget that, it really was confusing and rather disturbing.
Ew... creepy. I've had this happen to me a handful of times, from different people. The most memorable was when a coworker at an old job tried this on me when I first started at that company. She tried to go the "instant besties" route with me, but I immediately felt like something was "off" with her. I noticed she had a tendency to stare all the time. She would also try to ask me personal questions (I didn't give her much info). Then she tried to hang around me all the time. Then the copying of hairstyles and outfits started. Fortunately, I was able to pick up on her oddball behavior early on, so I distanced myself from her. The more I tried to distance myself, the harder she tried to watch me, and followed me around the office. She also started a smear campaign against me. It got to where I had to start writing all of her antics down on a log, and eventually approach management about this issue (3 times). Slowly, this woman started to give up, and eventually left the company a few months later. Still gives me the creeps just thinking about it.
Wow this video triggers me so much because this is 100% my ex..... every tiny detail I shared, good or bad originally, was eventually turned into ammunition against me.... whether to me or in the smear campaign. There was nothing in confidence between us, no privacy... he was truly sick.
I've heard just lately that we only allow someone to abuse us to the same level that we abuse ourselves. I need to learn to treat myself move kindly and lovingly.
I am here bc I was just let go by one. Started off small like enjoying simple interests like film, true crime, music, then graduated to stealing my personality. Also had a female friend who was also began copying me down to the way I wear my hair and do my nails... the exact same way. So bizarre. Blocked and deleted so as to give them no more to take. They are takers not givers without souls
When the realization that you've been the narcissist the whole time; while living with a person who is honest kind and patient. This is very difficult, but narcissists do have their own thoughts and feelings, problem is we've spent so much time on the defense, ruminating, and never moving forward.
I am deeply thankful for Dr. Ramini’s relentless and yet kind support - thanks for speaking up for so many people who feel alone with a weird yet heavy burden kind of a problem ❤
My ex did this a lot. He completely transformed while we were together and than I noticed he started wearing African clothes and playing African music. He’s new supply is Nigerian. He started mirroring her.
They are informational sponges, but refuse to share anything about themselves. I get annoyed when people want knowledge but they refuse to obey God’s instructions. They substitute knowledge for relationship.
Just jumping in here..The narcissistic personality will often share things about their personal lives, the intentions of doing so however, are often for the purposes of manipulation and control..in attempts to pull the person back into the cycle of a false sense of authentic relationship, and around the mountain the individual goes again..❤...BA..Psyche..MA-CMHC..and inpatient supervisor..Discernment is 🔑...know who you are..and be okay with your shortcomings...😊..Not much to pick at for the overbearing narcissistic individual who may see you as a target..oh and boundaries, boundaries, boundaries..Take care..
The Red Sterling Mc'Bae God’s instructions are laid out in the Torah, Ten Commandments being the main guiding principles. Nothing wrong with love for Yahweh and love for our fellow man/woman.
You are really reminding me of not only my last relationship but my marriage. My ex was a martyr type narc and truly would dig at my weaknesses, compare me to my mother, call me selfish for not providing his needs... until I was drained dry. And the most recent, man. True psychopath. So good at mirroring and studying. I got it this time though and cut it off. I trusted my instincts and within three weeks blocked him.
Sadly I rarely meet females who don’t. I have had coworkers, “friends” immediately copy my hair I wore the previous day, outfits, even follow me to new places of employment I moved to, yet never speaks to me! I have one friend who copied crazy stuff like getting divorced, having a baby, moving to my home town that I don’t live in, same camera, make of car you name it. I feel so many women live this way, like even strangers follow me in the store to buy what I am buying. I love my individuality and makes me uncomfortable and creeped out when women do this. I think I know one woman who has her own life and style, she never competed with me or copied such personal choices and It’s so refreshing and I feel like I can trust her.
I've found myself looking at somebody who was mirroring me with slanted, what are you up to eyes. Every time I would be around this person, I felt as if my personality was being vacuumed into something else. I hated it so much.
I had a few friends who mimicked the way I dress since high school until now. Even my accountant sister also tried to treat my mom's legs weekly after her surgery, because she isn't a licensed health care practitioner as I do. Now, everything seems making sense for all these nonsense activities in my life. Thanks DR. Ramani.
Oh my goodness. This is crazy!! So ridiculously bang on of what happened to me with my girlfriend for 3 years!!! Detailed Data gathering and filing for future use!! I’m into Christianity in my spiritual journey, so she became into Christianity (at a whole new level); My kids were into sports, so she put her kids into more sports despite them wanting to do it! She studied my Facebook pics and posts and used the info to slam me later on in our relationship! As I reflect back, this is just unreal!!i got sucked in (3 years!) manipulated, and controlled to a certain extent. As soon as I started to push back, she was gone and onto another supply (a new guy)... I sent new guy the biggest bouquet of flowers and a thank you card. He saved my life. No joke!!
Omg, 'just like your mother'.. That hit me hard, as she herself is a narcissist and gave me a traumatic upbringing. Didn't even knew this has a definition.. I didn't know until this very moment, what mirroring was.. He brings up me being just like my mother, every time he's gaslighting etc etc, especially during fights.. Thank you Dr.Ramani 🙏🏻❤️❤️
Pointing out the "healthy" and "normal" in human behavior, connection with others, desire to succeed with a group. Contrasting with the "pathological" process of the narcissist. Explaining the common tendencies of "normal" "healthy" people to become overly self critical about falling for X, Y or Z. And calmly pointing to the distorted childhood and how it affects the victim. This is all genius in it's clarity and ease of listening. Thanks again for what you do.
I kept asking myself why my soulmate had to be a narcissist. Well this was eye opening. There was no soul mate, only an empty shell aping back what she saw and convincing me how we're so incredibly alike.
Fell in the same “hole” for short time …lol But I have a question… - do manipulators actually know what they are doing to people that genuinely care for them? And, from what I know now, if Narcissism is in fact a mental illness/ condition, why all the information I find on it blames them as people and offers very little to no practical advices as to how to help them? :(
@@anastasiyazhmaidziak2795 The problem is that there is no cure. It isn't an illness, I believe. It is a state of mind. They were, they are and will be a narcissist. Nothing's gonna change them. They are what they are. One good thing you can do is to keep yourself far as possible from them. Words from my personal experience.
Dr. Ramani, you are the wise woman we go to for knowledge and clarity. If we were in Native American tribe, you would be the American Indian elder we would sit with and really get to the heart of our issues. You truly are the only psychologist who has helped me understand my prior relationships and my participation in them. You not only have helped many of us become healthier, but you also are helping many generations after us. You are my heroine. Thank you! ❤️🙏
In my case, I didn't think the Narc was trying to imitate me as a way of building rapport. It looked like, the Narc simply wanted what I had. I was wondering "Hey Narc, do you not have a brain or can't think for yourself? Why are you copying me all the time?".
I honestly think that me and the narcissist have a lot in common, we have very similar characteristics and aspects of our personalities that I don’t believe were mirrored, the major difference is them being a grooming narcissist while I’m highly empathic and try to see the best in people.
I can’t thank you enough! How do you keep up with the thousands of people who resonate with your message! No matter what Dr. Ramani your great work is a blessing. May you be blessed as well.
I can’t thank you enough. I’m stuck in an on and off relationship with a narcissist for almost 15 years now. For the first time in my life I see him for what he is.
This is so on point! This is so important! Red flag immediately! They make you feel like you can open up to them on a level you never had before,..because you are meant to be together.. they always wanted this kind of relationship and open communication all their lives! I am 10 months strong away from the nightmare I had for 12 years! Mirror, mirror on the wall whose the biggest narcissist of them all? He was!! Bye!
