This sadly sums up my mother She drained the life out of me My father was not there for her so she treated me as a substitute I was also a only child and had to take care of her in last years as she struggled with dementia I was crippled with depression and anxiety taking medication etc Thankfully my wonderful wife told me about enmeshment I was stunned and took awhile to believe it I then became angry My mother died age 91 she used a phony helpless behavior to guilt Me. I can never get those years back, I know I’m scared from it but will be grateful to my wife for saving my life. I have no desire to become another Norman Bates lol
Sick. I see this in my husband. Can't even talk about his childhood trauma because she needs him now that she's old. Yep. The minute he complained about her behavior she stopped speaking to him. So he got an a plane and we went to see why she won't talk to him anymore. Amazing. So much damage
My ex's mom would have had sex with him if she could have. She certainly didn't want him to marry me or anyone else. He's now in his 60s and never married or had children. He's now a sex addict and a very manipulative person. Very unhappy. I'm glad I left him. Hot mess central .
@@deannatow9175 the narcissistic mother. and I also wouldnt assume something about a relationship and conclude something bc you know basically nothing about that. maybe her husband choose her bc she was similar to her mother (wich is not uncommon ) . then that statement would be very damaging.
This video totally describes my husband’s mother especially her golden child son, the poor man is 60+ years old has never had a stable relationship with anyone he’s been married 5 times, most of his relationships are with married woman & since my mother-in-law died he’s become over attached to 1 of the sisters & now they have a real sick relationship, he abandons his latest wife & young son & chooses to stay with his sister at her house & he intentionally purchased a house 2 hours from the mommy when she was alive & the sister’s house is right next door so at this point imagine what the whole little small village in Mexico is saying about brother & sister relationship. The gal he married is from this village also & so everyone is saying how bizarre he rather be with his sister than his wife but this is what narcissistic family enmeshment causes & the unfortunate reality is the level of misery & inability to have healthy relationships with anyone else. It looks like a cult in many ways, the same structures are seen as in cults, it’s like 1 leader & they make the rules & the mental abuse & brainwashing & guilt tripping are identical to a cult. My husband being the scapegoat for the family has suffered greatly with a heavy burden from all of them, he’s struggling with many things since his mommy’s death, he’s aware of the dysfunction & agrees with the fact he come from an enmeshed family but refuses to believe his mommy was a narcissist & controlling because she was what I believe was a covert narcissist, she made herself a victim & constantly pointed out all the faults of his father & never was the fault of anything & she groomed her sons to be the replacement for the husband in many ways, but because of his culture you can never never never say anything about your mommy you can only idolize, worship & adore mommy. So anyway, the levels of psychological abuse sons go through from narcissistic mothers is criminal it really destroys them & their ability to lead a healthy life & have relationships with others.
That’s horrible and I believe everything you say however, if he was the golden child, he can’t simultaneously be the scapegoat, unless that role changed at some point in time as it can do, but typically the golden child stays the golden child
I know very well what you're talking about. I am married to a latino man and his mother is like a demon who controls the whole family, while he can see no wrong in her ways.
These mothers devastate a marriage.... She won and he abandoned his marriage and his child. I was his punching bag literally. The last time he gave me a black eye I told him to call me his mother's name..... he burst out crying! He has NEVER had any relationship with his daughter nor paid child support. My ex MIL lived to be 94 years old!!!
My wife was slightly lucky in that I was victim of enmeshment and emotional incest but I was also the scapegoat - so blamed for everything. Like reality distorting blame every single day sometimes crazy bad. By default, I think everything is my fault all of the time and even now I have to fight that constantly. I'm mentally f*d beyond all possibly belief but I direct abuse inward. Therapy isn't anywhere near enough to help people like me, our minds have been molded into twisted knots where even if I know something for sure, if, say, my wife challenges it, I doubt reality. The best thing for someone like me would have been to go into the military in some job that is extremely isolating like being submariner. Minimal contact with my parents for a decade or so after Highschool is what I needed most, so I could have had a chance to develop a sense of my own person.
I thank you for the video and comments. It has helped me greatly. I had a long term marriage where my husband moved out to move in with his parents and after that divorce again it happened with a fiance. This is a frustrating pattern in my life. It seems men don’t want the responsibilities let momma do everything so they can be irresponsible womanizers that never have to do domestic chores, or do anything because mommy’s there to do all that. Both men never went on to any relationship after moving in with mommy.. I have to do everything. I pay for my home, do repairs, work three jobs, and pay for my car.. now I’m so hyper independent I don’t see ever dating again! What a shame there’s more man boys than real men..
I ran into my friend Joy(65) yesterday. She told me the reason I haven't seen her is because her son Steven (40) hit her 25 times in the face and blackened both of her eyes. This morning I was wondering if they were enmeshed and this video came up. It answered some questions.
Hi Patricia thank you for your videos, I am enmeshed by my mother 100% and your video makes perfect sense. One aspect that I feel you may have left out, is the damaging effect of prise and encouragement, appreciation of the physical look (my case) that a child receive from the mother. With this awareness I am realising now how blindly I have gone trough life, and although it was not my fault the shame I feel still brings tears to my eyes. This is devastating for a child which develops to become a grown up man and form relationships. How many ladies have realised this in me and still try to change me for a better person I wonder. We live in a wonderful age of freedom of information and sharing, there as never been a better time for human kind. Thank you and never stop to share the love.
This is my husband and his mother. How do I get him to see what is happening to him? Our marriage is on the way to divorce because of this situation. He refuses to listen to me!! Very frustrating. Constant calls and constant wanting him to come over and he is the flying money doing whatever she says. This is so sick 😢 I need help!!!!
RU-vid search Dr. Ramani, she has some great videos on narcissism and the many forms it takes. My partner was able to bring me back to reality regarding my toxic mother. He has been conditioned to it for all his life. What you need to do is explain how his mother has hurt your feelings, also mention that if situation was reversed, you would have his back. It is not fair, and at the end of the day, you must feel supported by your husband. You must be his nu. 1 priority, just like he is to you. Good luck and I hope he comes around too. It’s not easy, but he’ll feel better once he enforces healthy boundaries.
same happened to me now @darleneayotte1548 . I only can pray for my husband and our little family now. pluss try to not angry forgive and focus Loving myself. if not maybe I would become feel crazy this time. it's feel so awfull. 😢
Currently looking in the mirror so that my four don’t become like their father. The sad part is he accuses me and my sons of what him and his mother have going on 🙄
@@carolinelaronda4523 that works, but surrogate has nice connotations to it I feel. A surrogate that is bearing a infertile couple's children is a positive and wholesome thing. I feel the term "surrogate husband" doesn't exactly capture the same level of emotional incest that the term "son husband" does.
What're the common traits & courses of such mothers? any animals creatures or monkeys shows such signs? many say cats, but any mother cats wants to control their grown up kittens? any studies? cant think of a animals hate their kids being independent, let say no such animals than why?
This is my ex mother I'm not sure she's a narcissist but she fits the bill has pictures on her front profile of her and her son at first I thought oh they must really be close but as time went on I noticed how she lacked boundaries and often overstepped them with no problem she would also ask very weird random and intrusive questions like are you and my son having sex and are you going to give me grandchildren or can I have kids it was really strange and uncomfortable I also found out later that she had a drug problem of some sort and would say things like what I do in my personal life has never effected my son and I need to be there for him..I was so confused when I would try to bring these issues up with my ex it was like he would gaslight me about it and he didn't really want to discuss much about his mom in his mind that's just who she was and he accepted it she also made him financially and emotionally responsible for her well-being and I just felt like I was never gunna be the number one woman in his life he would give his mom all of him and then come to me with nothing and he would let his mom and family drain him and then it would back fire on me my ex was a avoidant and I just eventually couldn't take it anymore because I felt like he wasn't growing as a young man still to this day he does everything for his mom and family while not working on his self he doesn't realize he probably needs to cut off a few people in his life including his mom to grow it's like he's in denial about who she really is but I hurd that's a common theme for avoidants and their parents if they are not aware
I was also wondering if my ex's mother is a narc but eventually I think she is high on the spectrum for sure. Or she would have normal boundaries with her son and his girlfriend and wouldn't mention private things like sex life (she did mention during a conversation we had her still having one with the father, as if to brag? very unexpected for me). I was about to ask you if you ex was avoidant but you said he is. It's formulaic with these mothers the sons become avoidants and unable to truly love and commit to a woman. I told him (he was 38 at the time) that he was a man child, as I was neglected ignored and he kept messaging his family group chat (the whole family is enmeshed, but the cult leader is the mom). He was embarrassed and said it was true. He had lots of doubts about me, was afraid of my love, confided in the mom and sister who certainly sabotaged us. He was so weak and unable to know what he needed. So sad. Like a man occupied by parasites. I think they have some modicum of awareness that it's wrong, but the "spell" and the fears are too strong to manage to change.
