I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia by a nurse practitioner and a rheumatologist in January 2021. I left my husband of 16 years in October 2021. In less than a month after leaving him, my body aches and fibromyalgia symptoms were gone. Now I only hurt if I work a lot of overtime and I recover from that after a day or two off of work or one trip to the chiropractor. I’m dating again and the guy I’m with now has the opposite effect. The first time I talked to him on the phone, as soon as I heard his voice on the phone, I felt the tension in my shoulders release. I didn’t even know I was holding any tension. It’s amazing what your body will tell you if you know how to listen.
I have a similar story. Was utterly burnt out last year. I was quite sure it was due to me and my partner both working full time and having a small child. Well he showed me his true colours loudly enough that I finally listened and left. The man I'm dating now (who is incedentally an old friend) is the total opposite of my ex. The first night he stayed in my new place, I realised I felt truly safe for the first time in 15 years
"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will kill you harder" is very much more appropriate, cause they eventually kill you at a crippling slow pace. Like a curse, attracting more and more damage every turn if kept unchecked 😔 I wish all of us good survival and recovery. It's shocking how high the numbers are and how very invested society tends to be in 1000 problems that are not even a fraction as vital as this. 👀
Thank you. I teared up watching this. I recently divorced my husband who was emotionally and verbally abusive. After leaving, some of my family relationships also imploded. I've been waking up to how much I was steeped in control, gaslighting, and manipulation with my family. Though I know how I was treated was wrong, I still get caught in self-doubt that I was making too big of a deal of things, I'm being too hard on them by not wanting to be around them, etc. Reality was so distorted, it's taking time to really trust my self. I really want a healthy loving relationship going forward, but I'm afraid of being judged for cutting some family out of my life. Will continue watching.
No one healthy will judge you for cutting people out of your life who hurt you and made you miserable. A lot of people are born into abusive families they absolutely are right to get away from.
I just realised that I didn't just fall in depression, but was traumatized in an awful relationship to a traumatized and depressed girl. She did everything to me you mentioned in your video. Every little thing. To tie invisible chains to my heart so I couldn't leave her (even physical!) for years. The most perverted thing in this: I never allowed myself to be angry of her, because I knew her psychological reasons for her abuse from the beginning. The pure thought of loosing me was so terrifying to her, that she panicked, hurt herself or me or destroyed things randomly in fury, even threated me with suicid. The list goes on. It just came clear to me like never before in years. I'm still struggling with that. It ruined my next relationship
I had similar experience man. But what's worse is she turned it on me and me out to be a monster. I look in the mirror and literally want to end it. I never felt so low, I don't know what to do. My career is ruined, and my self-worth is ruined. And like an idiot I still miss her.
I need one of these but for childhood trauma... 😔 my self worth was destroyed before middle school due to heavy amounts of bullying from teachers, kids and my grandmother.
This was so helpful in helping word the things I've been feeling and teaching me where some of the things I'm dealing with may be rooted! Thanks for being such a great resource :)
My best friend is teaching me how my ex abused me mentally & emotionally, even if it was unintentional. I didn’t understand I was being abused because this kind of treatment was my normal. She’s been teaching me how I should be treated
Thank you for this. The vast majority of my adult romantic relationships have been emotionally abusive, but it took two decades for me to recognize the unresolved damage of that (and earlier childhood traumas) and its effect on me. I've lacked the vocabulary to express (and fully understand) it, even after trying several therapists- this helps me feel armed to better explain in the future why I'm the way I am now.
this was really helpful. I just got so worked up over nothing again and spent over half an hour trying to settle down. watching this helped me to regain a broader perspective. thanks
Emotional Abuse can include "Control in the form of...Expecting you to change behavior to conform to their supposed ideal. You are expected to sacrifice your autonomy and individuality to meet their wants. There isn't room for you to be who you are in your own life. You need to be who *they* want you to be [otherwise you will face punishment such as: constant arguments; regular yelling; never knowing when the next raging temper tantrum will be; walking on eggshells; not feeling safe; withholding emotional support and affection; threats to withdraw financial support when you are not conforming to what they want; humiliating you; using against you the things you shared with them from a place of trust - the things you are most vulnerable about using them against you; blame-shifting (blaming you for their bad behaviors rather than taking accountability for their own actions); shame; consistent criticism so that you can't feel accepted, validated, or loved" This FINALLY put the words to what I experienced, and helped me get clarity that YES what I experienced in my most recent relationship that I left 3 months ago really WAS emotional abuse!
In my country we have a similar, but whole different motto for how words affect people, the motto says "Words dont have bones yet they are powerful enough to crush bones". About relationship trauma, i think the silent treatment is a very sneaky manipulation tactic as the offender can just tell "i wasnt punishing you for anything, i just needed some space" and you cannot really argue with that. In most of these cases, because the abuse is "invisible" your only option is to stay away from them as soon as they make you feel that you cannot be yourself around them and also forgive yourself if you acted out because you got provoked by the abusive/manipulative person
I've been watching more recent videos from Mended Light and Cinema Therapy, but this one really hit home. I am currently trying to heal from a toxic relationship and recognizing the behaviors and words I grew up with my parents were also toxic. Some of the behaviors mentioned in this video, the silent treatment and stonewalling, I have done myself, as when I didn't feel comfortable with someone with whom I have had a conflict. I understood to get away from them but not to still associate with them while trying to resolve the issue. I'm glad this video gave me more perspective on what happened to me in my family and significant relationships and helped to open my eyes to my own toxic behavior. Thank you.
I knew that behaviour was called stonewalling. My experiences make more sense now that I have been watching these channels and videos. Thank you for creating this content!
Walking the line during an argument utilizing the key points provided here, will help avoid a *sh!tload* of headaches that can't be used as _"manure"!_ 😉 🙏🏻
My partner once told me that he was ignoring me for days (sometimes weeks) and this is an actual quote: ''just so you will realize that if I am gone you will feel bad''. edit: he would do that after an argument even if I was 100 percent right. But he also disappeared at random times and I had no idea why so I would start feeling guilty and think about what I could have done to cause this and then ask him to forgive me and beg for reconnection.
I experienced physical ailment from my abusive relationship and now have a disease i dont know will ever heal. It makes it hard to let go and move on but im trying. Thanks for the informative video and all the work you guys do
I really appreciate these videos. I'm currently out of therapy for financial reasons. my trama isn't all relationship-related. and I've been very depressed lately. when I was pregnant with my son I made a plan to kill myself once he was older and could support himself. I had put that plan behind me quite a while ago, he's 8 now and I know in some way he will always need me and I need him too. but the thought has reinterred my mind but I know I shouldn't think that way but I dream about it and think about it and just it all being done and feeling free of everything. I wanted to see if you could make a video about suicidal thoughts and what to do about it? I love my son and id never want to leave him alone in this world without me to help him. that's all that has me holding on now.
What about situations that weren't suposed to harm but to help. From a very early age on I had to do physical exercises because I can't move and walk like "normal" people do. These exercises were painful but my parents thought them necessary to help me. But what I kept in mind was I'm not okay the way I am and have to work on me to be worth of love. My parents are very sorry realising the damage they have done. I'm still working on acceping how I am and loving myself.
Conflict leading to "we'll have to agree to disagree." Doesn't build relationship.... partner doesn't understand why. I'm just choosing to not connect, I'm not saying the above quote.
My partner says we'll have to agree to disagree and shuts down. I make mistakes and need to appaulagize but there was absolutely nothing wrong with their conduct. Partner gets so "irritated" that I won't appaulagize. I am labeled so prideful.
What if you're the abuser/emotional manipulator and want help to stop? I know I've done the victim thing with my husband and I know I've emotionally manipulated him (thanks to past shit I've gone though). I want to be the safe space for him and need help with that. I've been working so hard after his infidelity. We're in couples therapy, I'm going through EMDR in individual therapy. A video for the one who caused the abuse and how to grow would be so helpful.
I’ve checked this video because I am feeling abused, ill in the relationship. And now I realize I am doing most of these abusive treatments! And my partner is depressed and has anxiety. In the same time I am feeling ill when meeting him and getting healthy when we are apart. Can this trauma be both ways?
Yes. Couples can abuse each other, it’s not always just one person in the relationship. Remember that nobody is truly a hero or a victim & this doesn’t make either of you a bad person. You just may not be healthy for each other in this moment, but that can also change too I hope you both are healing, best of luck to you both
Hey, I need some advice for a friend of mine. I have a friend that I met online around half a year ago. She lives in England and we are both talking secretly because if our parents found out we would never be able to talk again. That being said, her parents are, from what I heard, neglectful at best. From what she has told me her parents were going to have a boy but it was a stillbirth. They were devastated and tried for another baby. She told me thats why she was born but her parents hated her for being a girl and, "Not being as great as her brother would have been." Not only that but she moved to England several years prior from growing up in Germany. Some of the kids at her school are incredibly racists and they bully her. She showed me a picture of her ruler that some boys drew swastikas on. She has an older brother that is abusive towards her, and her father is an alcoholic. She has told me that she used to cut and I have called her on the phone several times to stop her from killing herself. I swear Im not making any of this up. Ive been trying to help her but Im not a therapist and I don't want to say the wrong thing. I really need to help her but I don't know how... Do you have any advice?
I am so sorry to hear of the abuse your friend is going through. Keep doing what you are doing. Being there for her, hearing her, letting her know she is cared about. It is not your responsibility to fix our change anything for her. She needs an experienced therapist. I understand if that is not realistic considering her family dynamics right now. Consider sharing this video with her ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-xqo8usQjwtM.html She does not need to see herself as broken. (HUGS)
You can tell you're reading out loud from a script and it doesn't sound conversational and natural, and it's hard to understand your sentences at certain times in this video. I appreciate your content and hopefully that will get better in future videos but i just wanted to let you know. I wished this video actually covered that you can be traumatized by stuff in relatinships that isn't abuse... Including things like how they broke up with you being traumatic or something idk...
The video sure helped me learn some of the technical stuff, but did nothing to actually help me understand what needs doing. So, that's not a like from me...
The fact that every person listening to this is simply here is a positive thing. Recognizing a problem exists is an important step in resolving it. Prayers for healing for anyone who has been so intimately harmed. 🤍
