What is the DUMBEST backstory you've ever heard? #2 

“I used to chop fish. … now I chop people!” A- hilarious B- honestly not awful. I could work with that 😂

My mother is a mermaid, my father is a Minotaur. I’ve inherited the human parts of both and now I am just some guy. No one believes me and think I’m just some crazy guy so I go out of my way to act out both Minotaur and mermaid customs in everything I do.

That Jatham one actually is kinda epic, and could probably work. At the end of the day it's a standard amnesia backstory, but with something interesting to explore if the DM wanted to.

My girlfriend is the type that thinks human characters are really bland and boring, so when finally making one, this was her backstory: Her character started off as an Arapaima (her favorite fish) living in a big river. A drunken druid ended up talking to her with Speak with Animals, and over the course of months told the fish many battle stories and the two became friends. One day, while not drunk, the druid wanted to let the fish experience the type of life he had, so he turned the fish into a human. After the druid had died, the fish went off to adventure and was a drunken master monk as she would base her fighting off of the stories the druid told her while drunk.

Goddammit, now I really want to hear the Jatham story in full. How has this not been optioned for a movie yet?

One from my group: Rikah, a Kobold Paladin who saw a biblically accurate angel in a cave one time and now he is convinced all lights are sacred. Regularly breaks lanterns in order to free the spirits within. He also wears armour that weighs about as much as he does.

The backstory of my first ever DnD character: Brugo the Orc Bard. He liked to make music on his washboard, but he's tone deaf so the music he makes is horrible. One day an evil wizard saw him, and got so offended by his playing that he shrunk him from 8ft to 4ft. He then made it his mission to unshrink himself. It was funny at the time, now it's just cringe imo

First game I ever played, my friend had an Elf named “Legoless.” When he was a kid his parents never bought him Legos, so he burned down his village killing everyone except my character who was a homeless human Vietnam war veteran named “Sgt. Drake Alexander” because that was the name of the hero forged figure I used for him. My next character was TI32, a war forged robot, built from beer cans found in a dumpster by Sgt. Drake Alexander. He would “talk” to all the electronic devices he came across, romanced a toaster and spent a night flipping a light switch in and off. The light switch actually had some useful info about how to build a garbage canon

I would totally play as the hallucinating orc "wizard". It's not really dumb, but funniest backstory I ever played with was made by my friend. He was a half-orc who was the only son of an orc chieftain and expected to become a warrior and inherit and lead the tribe. One day, his "mom" broke her hand and someone needed to knead the bread dough. Well, his boy kneaded the bread and instantly found his calling, he wanted to be a chef. His Dad however was not pleased with this and tried to push him into warriorship. Finally he couldn't take it anymore and ran off into the night to find a chef to apprentice under. What made it worse though? He played the orcs as backwoods rednecks, so the character's dishes were usually something like possum pie or hamhocks smothered in white chicken gravy. XD

I'm DMing my first campaign with my partner, my sister, and her friends. One of her friends is playing a Half-orc barbarian who is 3 foot 6. His entire backstory is that he killed his family because they put the snacks on the top shelf.

Mr bitey. A halfling druid who was raised by wolves who were raised by halflings.

The passion with which Skart the Goblin's backstory was read is absolutely beautiful.

My Tabaxi lived in a small, out of the way island. He spent his formative years exploring every inch of it. Now, as an adult, he's decided to leave home and explore the world. The problem is he neglected to ask permission from his clan elder to leave before the opportunity to do so arrived. As a result a small bounty has been put on him to see him safely returned to the island. Interestingly the Tabaxi knows if he just returns home, asks forgiveness, and then asks to leave, it'll be granted. But at this point he's traveled so far it just seems too much trouble to backtrack and then head out again.

My Half-Orc gets his power from his pet rock. Hear me out; he's a Circle of Starlight Druid who uses a meteorite he calls "Starock" as an arcane focus. He thinks that Starock tells him stuff and does magic, but the rock itself is completely nonmagical. So every time Starock "does" something, he's actually doing it himself, he just doesn't realize it. He's unknowingly using it as a proxy to unlock his true potential.

I've got one. My friend, bless his heart, absolutely loves being creative... But doesn't have a creative bone in his body. The first character he made had a super long backstory, but it ultimately all boiled down to a half-angel monk/fighter who's order had been wiped out, leaving him to guard 7 stones of great elemental power in the ruined mountaintop monastery with an ancient heirloom of a weapon: a razor hat. He left because he got bored and wanted adventure, somehow learned the stones had been stolen and wanted to gain mastery of each element when he retrieved the stone and socketed it into a golden gauntlet. He literally tried to be Goku/Sephiroth/Kung Lmao/Aang with an infinity gauntlet. I was eventually able to talk him down to just a aasimar monk with a razor hat and ki blasts.

Jatham made my soul leave my body, such a well written, ridiculous backstory

There was once upon a time a young loxodon druid who showed much promise. He eventually decided to venture into the underdark to study the bizarre creatures and fauna that lived there. He eventually came across a myconid colony and befriended them to the point that they invited him to join their meld. He became immediately hooked and ended up spending years mind melding with the myconids until he forgot everything about his past life, even the fact that he is actually not a mushroom. Eventually the colony got fed up with his bumbling, stoned ass and kicked him out. Thus Shrunk the mushroom set forth on an adventure, or at least to find snacks.

For the orphan who described his dad but only the appearance of his mom, I think there's an awesome way to take the story. Since he hasn't seen or heard from his mother since she sent him away, you can reveal that she was actually behind the bandits attack. She only married the dad to get to his money but had grown attached to the child. She had to send him away before the attack k because she knew that he'd never agree with what she did. Perfect surprise villain to bring in later

One of my favorite backstories I've written was for my dumbest character, a 4-intelligence barbarian named Brute. Basically, Brute's classmates make fun of him for being dumb, so he kills them, gets locked up, breaks out, gets lost, and has a few minor adventures.

I haven't actually played this but I have told my DM about it and he seems like he wants me to play this character: Madeline "Mad" Musclebomber, the human noble background barbarian from the port city of Bosstan (pronounced Bos-stan) TDLR: Basically imagine a disney princess that realized that the world sucks, and now gets black-out drunk and breaks things. The slightly longer story is Mad Musclebomber wanted to go and see the world, but her dad (the king) said no. So Mad started a civil war to seize the throne. Then after securing the throne, immediately abdicated renouncing any and all claims to the throne in the future, leading to a second, bloodier civil war. After she realized that the world outside the castle isn't all sunshine and rainbows, she decided to get drunk and take a hammer to all of her problems

The sushi chef is a great backstory for the campaign, he has alot of utility on a pirate ship, the only thing missing is a reason for him to chop people, like "I used to chop fish, but people destroyed my restaurant, so now I chop people." He could even keep his current one and you could add a point where he reveals the secret middle part of his backstory, like he meets one of the people who destroyed his shop. Short backstorys are great for imaginative gms. They get to fill in the gaps

Two of my joke characters I remember: A half-orc barbarian who lived in his mother's village. He was too good protecting the village and killed every bandit who dared to get near it, so they avoided completely the region. Got bored of the peaceful life so left the village and became a bounty hunter to keep killing bad guys and partying. A gnome druid who's forest was burned by a dragon. He wasn't mad because of the forest, he can make can make it grow easily. Neihter was mad of his house, he can rebuilt it in a blink of an eye. But the hair... oh boy the hair. Nobody touches the hair, and now is all burned and stiff, so he is going out to kick butt and eat goodberries, and he's all out of goodberries.

My first character's backstory was actually pretty cool, but I was the quietest member of an 8 person group and I was playing a cagey rogue, so the criminal backstory never surfaced. I rolled a 1 on deception when I lied about my character's name, so the entire party referred to me as "Redacted" for the rest of time. I still play with that group, and we have a running gag that every time one of my characters is about to say their name, disaster strikes and I'm not able to get it out.

I once had a game where 3 of five players said their backstory was, "I have amnesia"

I once played a gnome wizard whose motivation for adventuring was that he wanted to get away from his wizard friends who kept making fun of him for sleeping with a minotaur (later on his half minotaur bastard child came to kill him)

The bug bear story reminds me of one of my characters, an orc warboss from an evil campaing. During a raid, he took a librarian prisoner and ordered him to lead him to the city's most valuable posessions. The librarian took him to the citiy's world famous library, where he learned about the concept of books, and reading. He took the entire libraries contents and the librarian for himself, learned to read and learned a lot about agriculture, economy, strategy... So yeah, he turned into the most wise orc ever and became obsessed with uniting the orcs and creating a kingdom that could ensure the long term survival of his kind. Seeing him trick the Dark Lord's commanders who understimated him and trying to educate his officers was hilarious.

A friend emailed me a backstory that went as follows: my character is a rich noble and is therefore better than everyone else and should start at 5th level with extra feats and skills and 2 free magic items. And this was for a 1st level game.

My character on a current d&d game is a paladin Named Omorfia Fortunius. He was joking around with his pals on guard duty, who claimed he is beautiful enough to charm even the gods. He put on makeup on a date and the town was raided. Omo shot an arrow through a flag, into the raid leader's eye, without looking. From then on, the paladin believed a goddess had a crush on him, so he sought to use the luck given to him to help others, before he one day is courted by them. In reality, his mom taught him some wizard levels and he doesn't know he can use the feat of portant to change luck to his side, as well as being half halfling and the lucky feats. He's currently eating all of his teammates in his book on how attractive they are, but he isn't gonna ask them out. To him it's like cucking god. One day, his mom is going to find him and tell him how stupid he is, and I made sure all of his wizard spells do t require the use of an intelligence roll just in case.

Had a fighter once in a campaign that matched up really well with that line, “I used to chop fish, now I chop people.” The story went that he used to be a fisherman till his boat sank out at sea and he washed up ashore some island. He was taken captive by a warlike tribe who inhabited it but eventually rose become an equal within their society after toughing out a brutal initiation and proving himself a capable warrior. Unfortunately, he’d be captured by a rival tribe after a failed raid and sold into slavery where he’d meet the rest of the party.

"I'm half orc." "What's the other half?" "Different orc." Could be so hilarious 😂

Had a friend who made a "Cowboy" (Ranger) named Booyah Yeehaw, and his entire motivation was looking for his stolen gun. The campaign fell apart before we got that far but still have the fantastic memory of him getting dragged into a bank robbery as the distraction. His means of distraction: Shooting an arrow up into the air thus causing it to land on him.

More of a concept, than a backstory, and also "dumb" but in a good way - one of my players created a cat (not a tabaxi - a literal, talking, house cat), who had at his disposal a magical grimoire. Said grimoire served as a prison for an ancient, Cthulhu-like entity, and the cat was assigned with guarding it. The cat could use some of the immense magical power of the creature, but every time he did, he risked eldritch power backfireing in one way or the other. To add to it, the cat had an owner - a regular little girl, who had no idea her cat was anything more, than a house cat. Also - the player was immensly creative with usage of his spells, and once made a move which in my opinion was the smartest thing ever happening on our campaign. He cut the runtime of the entire planned session in half with it. I do think it was a dumb concept in a fun way, and I also consider it to be the best character ever made on any of our sessions.

It was for a one shot, I decided to ask my DM if I could play as an Oathbreaker Paladin, as long as I played nice with the vaguely good party. He said yes. Enter Brick Brick Brick Brick Brick (yes you read that right, 5 bricks) an Orc orphan from Baldur's Gate who named himself after the list of what the other kids hit him with because... tragic backstory. He one day was being consoled by a knight in sleek black armor... until in a fit of rage he strangled him to death. From that day he dedicated himself to a cause: Evil, but not evil for the sake of a god, or some stronger entity, no Evil for himself. Evil in the name of establishing himself as a force to be reckoned with on his own terms. Evil to attain power for the one thing he could say never would betray him: himself. Brick was originally started as a bandit, but got mad one day when "accosting" the local baker in a town a blue dragon showed up and burned the village to the ground. To become the most evil entity in the world, he vowed he would kill everything eviler than him, and by absorbing its power (somehow) he was going to become the greatest tyrant the world has ever seen. He would achieve his goal by becoming an adventurer, killing evil entities and making himself more evil in the process, eventually deciding that these heroes were going to fight against him one day, and on that day will decide the fates. Only they were allowed to kill him and vice versa to him, a sort of guided nemesis complex. That meant he would adamantly defend these heroes as they had to one day fight against him. Not today, but eventually when they (and him) are ready. Until then, he would establish his dark influence in secret over the land, adding thieves, corrupt politicians and advisors, and even merchants who want to "break the establishment" into his Dark Syndicate. All while fighting for "good" for malevolent and selfish reasons. I call it stupid because I REALLY just wanted to play an evil character and honestly if stereotypical rogues can get away with it while being labeled as CN, I feel like I could get away with working with the party for LE reasons.

There was once a humble young noble. He saw many spell casters and thought “YES! I must learn their secrets.” His parents bought many tutors for him, but he was so incredibly inept that all the tutors his parents hired simply gave up stating he was unteachable. After going through many tutors, he grew depressed and wandered around the estate his family owned. It was at this moment, he was approached by a mysterious cloaked man. The young man couldn’t quite see his face, but he felt a tingling sensation go through all of his body; he knew he met someone powerful, but all he thought about was excitement. Before the boy could even mutter a word, the figure spoke. “It appears that you have run into a… dead-end of sorts.” The young man thought to himself “This must be a powerful magic user. How else would he know about my situation?” The figure spoke again, “Don’t listen to those hacks. They don’t have the proper technique. After all, ‘There has been no student I couldn’t teach.’” The young man asked for his price, but the figure declined, instead asking for a favor to be fulfilled on a later day. It was at this moment that the boy thought to himself “Yes. I am truly going to become a great wizard.” In case you couldn’t pick up the context clues, he is technically not a wizard; he became a warlock. His teacher was a fiend who promised to teach him spells in exchange for favors. He fully believes he’s a wizard, even though there is a distinct difference between him and other wizards. If placed under a truth spell, he will wholeheartedly tell you he is a wizard because that’s what he believes he is. His teacher was even generous enough to give him a “spellbook” for him to learn special spells. He must be a powerful wizard if all the kid had to do was perform a short ritual to get his book back if he looses it.

Many years ago, I came across a Tumblr post that made the argument that Legolas might have been all silphlike and fine-featured to human or hobbit eyes, but he was actually the jockiest jock that ever walked among the elves. So of course when I finally had a chance to create a character for my first ttrpg (homebrew running FATE rules), I of course debuted Brock Cena, woodland bro. He lifts by day, and passes his nights trying good naturedly but unsuccessfully to impress the cute goth girl in our group.

A player tried to get through a back story like this- Raven, was raised by two parents in an unnamed large village, then one day, the lord was looking for the ‘greatest work of art’ and saw his characters mother. So, he took her hostage, and uuh, did rogue backstory things to her. While also murdering his father. Then to add it all up, his entire village was slaughtered. All this building up to him being an ‘insurgent’. It gets worse when he decided to be NE, and fought with me over me not wanting to let him in… on a module, Knowing I run heroic campaigns. And don’t tolerate evil PCs just due to… wanting to deal with the heroics rather then his normal ‘lmao I start the mafia!’

I was playing in a game of mutants and masterminds. My character was basically a barely sentient ooze. My backstory was that I was a window washer working on a chemical plant when a super hero fighting a villain accidentally hit me with an energy blast and knocked me into a pool of chemicals. It made me super stupid but almost indestructible. My entire point for being in the campaign was to find the villain who hit me with the energy blast

The closest I have to a dumb backstory is also one of my favorites. I would never offer her starting at level 1, because her backstory already paints her as a sorlock. Sara Stavros. A young lady of divine heritage, already manifesting in some capacity - refreshingly, this is a known quantity in her home town, and justifies her Divine Soul Sorcerer level(s). Unfortunately, some of the more zealous idiots took this to mean that the barely teenager should already be creating miracles. So someone got it into their head that Sara's other parent was a demon or devil. Which one? We may never know - Sara's burst of emotions at this idiot killing her mother caused a similarly-intense burst of heavenly fire to sprout from her back, which ultimately burned her home down and barricaded the murderer inside to die as collateral damage. When the dust started to settle, the young half-angel held herself responsible, and she and her celestial father moved out. On the way, her father mentioned that his time down below was running thin as well, so as to not surprise her when his time came to return. On the girl's 18th birthday, he gave little Sara a promise to guide her from on high, and thus Sara gained a level in Celestial Warlock with her own father as the patron.

I have a backstory i want to attempt to run. "I was born as a boy but died from disease when i was about 12. My mother used a ritual to revive me, but at the very end a random cat decided to jump into the ritual and my soul went into the cat instead. My mother gave me a collar with the ability to Shape change and went off to see if she could find a way to revert me into a permanent body. She never came back. I ran out of food and eventually left the city to survive." I imagine i would work like a homebrew changeling, who can transform into slightly shorter than normal humans. A White Mage looking female, and a thief looking male. thinking of building more towards cleric/rouge multiclass hopefully with the ability to use certain magic while in cat form. could be fun

My wife once made a Druid flavored after an "Avon Lady" (one of those suburban moms that starts trying to pedal pyramid scheme snake oil to her friends). She would solve problems using "essential oils", which were how we flavored her use of poison spells. Her name was spelled Jessibecka but pronounced "Kim".

"and he was a rogue, then his sorcerer powers awakened and he got more power, then he made a deal with cute-hulu that asked "hey, do you want more magic power?" and the elf boy said "wowzers, do I?" and got more power and stuff, also he was the perfect assassin"... Abserd, is that you?

So...one player came with the smallest backstory ever, just "I'm an X". I dont' even remember what he was. What I do remember is he slept throught he entire first sessoin, because he was drunk. ...Good news! He's getting help for his drinking now!

Had a player (not me) that basically wrote an Oedipus background where his father received a prophecy about his firstborn son causing his death, but he somehow survived and would grow up to find and reclaim his family and immense wealth mid-game (did I mention they were high-born nobles?). All in all, his openness with me (the DM) made it very easy to work into the story, and it turned out to be a big moment when I revealed that he had already met and befriended the sister his father left his mother with upon his death. All in all, weird flex, but we got there in the end. And I made sure he was not behaved untoward to his own mother.

5:38 I think this is the first DM I have ever seen complain about being given the opportunity and power to create a PC's backstory, which they could then use to either reward the PC, or emotionally traumatize them.

In the 80s I played AD&D with a guy named Rob who played a Halfling Fighter/ Thief . He'd read a book about a wolf who had escaped a steel trap and had a maimed paw . The wolf became wise to human traps and had a particular set of paw prints . The trappers called the elusive wolf Weakfoot . Rob named his character Weakfoot , and buffed up his character's Find/Remove Traps ability . Weakfoot walked with a slight limp despite his 18 Dexterity caused by a trap injury in Thieves' School .

Owl bear with a goblin sidekick, Jatham, and Skart were all stories I would follow. They would make great backstories for the right game. 😄

When a player turns to the DM in Session Zero and just says "surprise me". I get there's potential in it, but to be honest it puts a lot of extra work on the DM and it can mean that they put less time into other peoples' backstory developments. The DM has enough to worry about without having to build an entire backstory for a player's amnesiac character out of scratch

Another story: one of my brother's friends who played with us made Kermit the frog. He was an actual banjo playing puppet bard that was awakened via a magical hand up the ass. He later become addicted to diamond dust, which was essentially cocaine in the setting. It may have replaced the magic hand. Edit: He did the voice and sang too.

My favorite character is made was a Lizardmen druid. Baeshra. It was a basic backstory. He was son to the tribe shaman. A attack on the village left his father dead and Baeshra was give the role of tribe shaman. Inexperienced and untraveled. The whole point of his character was to travel the world and experience anything and everything so he could be the shaman his tribe deserves. Such a fun and interesting character to roleplay

I heard one story where a guy decided to roleplay as a banana in a campaign. Not a guy who thought he was a banana or an anthropomorphic banana. A real regular banana. He died in the first session when one of the other players unknowingly ate him.

I took a fantasy literature class and that's where I got to play D&D for the first time; I'm still relatively new. I remember when I designed my first (and only character so far; a half-elf cleric named Cornflower who I love very much), I kept her mom and dad alive because I was admittedly pretty sick of the whole "their parents tragically died, leaving them an orphan" trope that was going around with my classmates.

3:08-5:36 I think I've heard about this guy before from another RU-vidr. Apparently, the guy's application had links for theme songs for his character, and his character's girlfriend who was never mentioned in his backstory.

I once got thrown into a new campaign with no time to prep a character. So, I played a warforged with a backstory of he has no memory of who he is or how he got here. I named him "Directive Not Found". everytime he rolled an intelligence skill check, I'd self-impose disadvantage and if he rolled well it was like his circuits clicked on and restored a small bit of his memories. The party decided it was their new mission to help him remember/make me create his backstory.

i absolutely lost my shit at the "F*CKING YEET*

(random) So, my LVL 12, oath of devotion paladin died when fighting Asmodeus and, thanks to a well-timed gentle repose, managed to be delivered to Bahamut's temple, and the only platinum dragon born, to be revived. My party; consisted of a wizard, an artificer rabbit called Teddy (my BFF INGAME), a goliath fighter who worshiped the forge, and a dwarf that got angry at just about anything and always turned left no matter what the situation- upon doing so shouted - LEFT, WE SHALL GO LEFT, LEFT - which became a meme in all of our extended campaigns. So my paladin's body (called Oudin) lay on the alter awaiting death or re-live and each party member was allowed to give an offering to him and the gods to revive him which consisted of a skill check. Anyway, teddy prayed to the gods offering his first harvest (he had his own farm), the dwarf drank and sang songs of his home for his lost friend and the wizard wrote a novel on the paladin's exploits, all to revive him and gain the gods favor. Now, the Goliath was a master blacksmith who was famed worldwide for making anything and everything that a customer desired and decided to create a masterpiece to honor the paladin's life and exploits. He chooses a dagger that would be unique and renowned in all the lands as perfectly balanced and in tribute to my paladin. The player rolls and fails, miserably... He nat 4's and creates a rusty, crusty old knife that is barely attached to its hilt. He offers it to the gods to revive my plain and insults them so much that I lose two skill checks and have to plead (myself, dead) to let me be revived. Once my plain rises from the dead, in a flash of divine light, he turns off the goliath and berates him for half hearing his offering seeing as they have known each other for years, in-game, and were close friends. In the end, my paladin forgives the goliath and we return to the campaign. HOWEVER, on the next crafting and check the goliath makes he rolls a nat 20! Which was impressive and he created a masterpiece worthy of bardic song and legend. This would have been impressive BUT his job was to create SEX toys for a kinky, secret, warlock society that wanted magically infused toys that would last forever and had a mind of their own so no two (times) were ever the same. Needless to say Oudin my Paladin was furious and didn't talk to him for a month, even though the goliath gave him a fair amount of compensation coin. TLDR - GolIath artificer whiffs on teammates resurrection as too occupied in creating sentient sex toys. (sorry for bad grammar and spelling)

PANR has tuned in.

The last story had me rolling, especially how he read it.

I made most of a Fantasy World myself. I designed an entire map, organized custom deities all who were worshipped differently, plotted out 3 major factions as well as an entire war between them. For most of the typical fantasy races, (Human, Orc, Dwarf, and Elf and it’s variants, etc) I defined histories, cultures, and even gave most of them extra bonuses. I informed my players that they could read the lore if they wanted and make a character who fit into world, or they could write up an idea for something that I did not include. Two players made exceptional characters based on the cultural and religious lore I provided. A third player defined an entire Vampire kingdom that was tied closely to his character’s origins. I was going to use vampires in the game, but I did not tell that to the players. In the end, I scrapped my vampire characters and plot in favor of my player. All three of them I constantly brought up their backstories and seeded the world with so much interaction. Any holes in my plot or their backstory, I let them come up with on the spot. I could rant for hours about each of these players and their character’s backstories…… However I had one player. He said he wrote his character’s backstory to fit into the lore I had shared with all of the players. He was super excited, and refused to tell me, the GM, about his backstory, because he wanted it to unfold through the campaign. I was hesitant and worried, but I mistakenly chose to allow this. Several sessions into the gritty and mature campaign, and the party find themselves in the middle of nowhere. There’s a tavern/inn which holds all manner of travelers and adventurers. The party (with the exception of one character) decides that they should rest there and drink away the burdens of travel. They do this and several NPCs get involved in a drinking game. One by one, each player character drinks themself unconscious, all except for the character whose backstory I do not know. While intoxicated, he falls for a demoness in the tavern. She then escorts him to a private room where the scene cuts. The next day, the player who fell for the demoness wakes up rejuvenated from his night with the demon. He gained 3 inspiration, lost all his levels of exhaustion, and had his favorite meal warmed up for him and sitting on the beside table. The character then flies into a rage, runs out of the tavern after intense interrogation of the guests and staff of the place. He leaves the party to go hunt down the demoness. Miraculously he was able to track her, and he grabbed her and began strangling her. The party catches up to see their friend strangling a woman who was with them at the tavern. As this happens, the player looks to me with a wide grin. He informs me that it’s time he shared his character’s backstory. So his character tosses the demoness into the mud and begins monologuing. “Do you know where I am from? I am a dragonborne of the Carniface mountains. My entire clan hid themselves there to escape from the slavery of all draconic beings. But they all died in the end, by my hand. And do you know why I killed them? They said that the food I ate was for elven women only. I thought I could put my past behind me, but you made my favorite food, and that I can’t forgive.” I learned then and there that I should never trust a player.

The dumbest (but funniest) one I've ever heard was a friend of mine who played a Dward Bard that was so incredibly vain that he refused to sing about anybody but himself. So he just ended up being a nuisance to the party, because he would sit in the back strumming his lute singing his own praises being buffed to all hell while the rest of the party was in battle. That Dwarf also had horrible anger issues that were mostly directed towards his own party members. Hearing his stories was always a good time. My personal favorite dumbest one is a character I never got to make, but she was going to be an elderly Undead Druid who was summoned by a necromancer to fight for him but he never got around to dismiss. She was having the best of times in the afterlife and was pissed she had to be back on earth so she decided to find the necromancer to give him a piece of her mind. She was also the sweetest woman who would use her abilities to make healing tinctures taste good. Kind of a grandma-ey character. Really wish I could get around to making her but the party disbanded.

There was this one dude I frequently met, but didn't properly play with in my city's AL equivalent He had this reoccurring Rogue/Monk/Bard multiclass Elf character (this was back in the messy days of 3.5e) He has this constantly adapting backstory that consistently invloved him arriving via spaceship crash and always looped back to being an excuse for the character to get their hand on an electric guitar I don't even remember him taking advantage of the instrument, it was always either he had it or was actively looking for it

- Two words. Bob. Bobson. Muhfugga was a carbon copy of his previous character, Bob the Fighter. He used a nailboard. This was his son. Also a fighter with a nailboard, except now he learned from his mistake and used a pot-lid for a shield. Did not help him against the wendigo king that ate his father. And then him. - The Vindo Viper. When this rolled up, I had already heard the joke about the Polish window wiper five minutes from your house, but I was thinking "eh, benefit of the doubt, maybe he's a rogue from a town called Vindo and it'll be cool." Nope! Hydromancer wizard from Waterdeep, made a living powerwashing houses with Generate Water and spoke in a phony Eastern European accent. Was trying to afford a new bucket, so he took up adventuring. Why do I attract cranks like this...?

tiefling sorcerer who lived most of his life in a farm isolated from society, runs away from home to be an adventurer, loved to play him "your grandma makes a pact with the devil one time and suddenly everione has horns and has to live in a farm for the rest of our lives"

The pirate who goes psycho cannibal and starts making sushi out of people sounds good to me for an evil pirate

i can't help but think of a video by PuffinForest, and his absurd character "Abserd". Puffin was invited to a one-shot event, where they could create characters that started at a high level. Abserd's backstory involved him joining, and getting kicked out of, a bunch of different adventurer schools, with the end result of him having... ONE LEVEL IN EVERY POSSIBLE CLASS!

Okay, that's enough unnecessary evil laughter for a while, Ripper.

I mean, they probably said the backstory was dumb because his mom got jumpscare into childbirth a month early

I had a bugbear rogue from the Arctic circle. His tribe lived in a series of steam vents underground, raiding walrus and the like along the coasts. The chief once received a revelation in the aurora that prophecied his tribe would become great explorers. My character had effectively circumnavigated the globe, having made contact with 3/4 of the civilizations on the planet before he was separated from the tribal flotilla. This was balanced by him being dumb as a post, so whenever he was recognized by an NPC for some acts of heroism/shenanigans, all he could do was shrug. Same for when he was expected to know anything about the world- it at least gave him the pretense to attempt a -2 history/religion/nature roll because hey, after all, his tribe had sailed there. Third edition also gave goblinoid races +4 to 'move silently'. Squeezing into Boots of Elvenkind and stretching a few other bonuses gave him a +12 to stealth at level 4. Just this 7' tall monster that would sometimes appear in the corner wearing armor from a half-dozen cultures and wielding a salvaged macuahuitl. With a Minnesotan accent. His name was Giuseppe. I loved him.

I've been watching your videos for a year now and I'm about to enter my first D & D campaign with my wife, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law. Wish me luck!

3:33 “ooo elf mommy” Annnd now that’s timestamped.

I was about to say that the orc druid one was actually really cool!

Joke characters end up being good for serious campaigns and serious characters end up turning campaigns into jokes from my experience lol

Oh man, this has happened a couple of times. But "that guy" who wants to play a child in a adult's body and demand to their entire chracter "look at me I'm drinking and starting fights as a child because it's what my child's mind would do." Dropped both those groups within a couple of sessions super odd it happened twice.

Ngl the barbarian that thinks himself to be a wizard and no one can tell them otherwise because they simply cast fist is actually a whole subclass in Valda's Spire of Secrets and it amazing.

I was playing a lizardfolk wild magic sorcerer who stared into the void and the void stared back into him, which led to him becoming a pyromancer. He was also an absolute meme who would break the fourth wall (in ways that made sense regarding spells) and I even had cameo in other games I was in as sort of a quick glitch in the matrix. Granted, everyone seemed to enjoy when the lizard would phase into existence for a moment before phasing out.

that YEET at the end got me so hard :3

Fun fact about my backstory, i dont know it. My dm is keeping part of my backstory hidden from me, all i know is i got struck by lightning, woke up in a forest without memories, and everything since then. But everything before the lightning strike is completely unknown, not only by my character, but also by me

Half of these are fucking hilarious and really good. The Skart one is my favorite

My goblin barbarian rages via short jokes

Fav tabletop roleplay character was a barbarian in a weird homebrew apocalypse world, named Captain Bat. My character was a fighter/ranger who hated his guts, but I will admit even she lost her icy composure when they got into a creepy, dark bunker and he goes "It's ok guys I can see just fine" and makes a "pop" sound with his mouth. The quietest sound I'd ever heard from that character. The DM was an asshole and was pissed, but the rest of the team had unionized by that point so Captain Bat made it to the end of the campaign alongside Pawco the coyote mascot and the medic's entire deranged nuclear family

Jeffjeff Jeffjeffjeff, a gnome temporal paradox who's not really a PC but more a funny superboss idea for a multiversal campaign

5:05 you can honestly make this work. It just has to make sense. For instance, I had a changeling rogue who would always disguise himself whenever he had a target in a town the part entered, and change to someone else every once in a while to keep his cover. He also killed people in their homes where no one was around to see, unlike the grand public kills new players playing assassins always go for.

I'm looking to get into D&D so I am watching these to learn what not to do in a party.

I don't read back stories. I just tell players to only write down what they need to be consistent with their character's personality , motives , likes , dislikes and fears. Oddly it works out super well as player's are more free to interact with the world and evolve as a character.

You're right, there's a difference between a "dump backstory" and a "stupid one". Dumb can be funny and Dumb can be serious. The Banana Boy one sounds like it has the potential to be serious; coming down with a form of madness after being trapped in a temple? Totally. But acting like a "king of bananas" also sounds funny. The one about the rogue-assassin one doesn't because, has the bit says, it contradicts itself. I don't have a story about a dumb backstory, mostly because so few of the people I've played with wanted to make backstories, and the DM didn't want to hear or use them. So I agree with the guy in the video who said that a complete lack of a backstory is dumb.

The "my character knows they are from another realm, and know they are in a game", followed by "my character is from another game realm, and has weapons and abilities not from this game or realm". Seriously want to gouge my ears out everytime I hear either of these...

Y'all losing it is what makes these videos a hoot.

The noble half-elf one sounds like the plot of Devil May Cry but slightly to the left to avoid obvious plagiarism.

Um the dude that snuck everywhere but everyone feared his presence and ran when near is honestly funny as shit

5:50 THIS. IS. SO. RELATABLE. I have a human bard who's entire backstory is that he is "Rolf son of a shepherd", a half elf rogue whose backstory is "I see dead people" a tiefling Paladin whose entire character is "wants to sleep around, fight stuff, and have fun" with no backstory whatsoever, a monk I know literally nothing about and is just along for the ride, A dragonborn artificer who again I know nothing about, including a lack of understanding about his personality or motivations, and finally the most filled in backstory of the group a fighter who is a former mercenary who occasionally sends money to his estranged wife and son. Which is actually something I can work with, but that's one party member out of SIX, with something akin to an actual backstory.

My Dumbest was a Standard Human Barbarian, who in actuality was just a simple lumberjack with a drinking problem that lead to him blacking out and waking up in the oddest of places. He was my go-to one-shot guy because he always had a reason to be there( even if he didn't remember), and typically went along with the adventures because "they pay well and I kinda need some money to get home..." One time I got invited to join in a Tomb of Annihilation Campaign at the last second, so I just dusted off the ole Barb and plopped him in. The only problem was that they were pretty far along in the campaign and had actually entered the titular tomb already which lead to them finding my guy sprawled out in the tomb with a few bottles of Ale.

I run a My Hero Acadamia FATE campaign based in Europe (Basically superheros in dystopian society)...and...sweet Jesus...how do I begin... The player in question decided to bring his own heritage into the story...He began by describing his Tribes past...they were Pakistani, gained Quirks(powers), were forced to leave their home, were nomads, and then...accidently migrated to Sweden. Sweden...from Pakistan. There is more There, but basically this tribe than joined up with people with animal quirks, became animal people (yes basically cat/dog people...yikes). That's just the first 4-6 paragraphs (thick paragraphs) Finally, he spends a good 2 paragraphs describing his character, who is named after himself, as a softcover Furry. He was the perfect kid. Smart and strong, always picked first at sports...but he was an outsider??? When he finally left to explore the world, no one wanted him to leave because he was so valuable, but he left anyway with the blessings of the head elder, his best friend (named after his real best friend), and his mom.........who....who was named Rainbow. God Help us

“So..um…Jacob’s..a guy….and…he’s just kinda the cute type, ya know? With like, blond hair and blue eyes.” *lady we’re playing dnd, not high school simulator*

I used to be a guard. Then I took an arrow to the knee. Now I want revenge

Just recently played in a one shot. The dm is a miniature painter, so I got together with the other two players, and we came up with a backstory for the 3 of us. We all came from the Citadel (the name of a major paint company). We were chasing after some rats who stole our city's marvelous pigments. On top of that, we all named ourselves after paints from the citadel line up. Our dm was confused as hell when we all introduced ourselves and the names all sounded familiar.

The best and only dumb character I have is a one-shot character named: 20 dollar fortnite card, last name: who wants it. During the game I said my character was from tomato town and my friend dming said "i heard that place was wiped out" in a very serious manner and I died on the spot. After that I just made it my characters mission to restore tomato town.

for the king of bananas two things, one: that sounds like when the show is on its 6th season and ratings are down so the writers bring In causing joey as a way to save the show, and two: every show needs a silly comic relief. we all have that friend.

NGL that cleric goblin sounds like a blast

An undead warlock whos soul was separated from the body and imprisoned inside a ring. Now he mindcontrols his own body raised from the dead by his friends, on finger of which that ring resides

My current character's backstory in a nutshell: found magic Macguffin, accidentally blew himself up, became Wild Magic sorcerer.

NGL the idea of a "King of Bananas" does sound... well, bananas, but I really think this kind of silly concept could work. Like, imagine a guy who always viewed banana as something more than any other fruits (Maybe there was a banana tree he always went to whenever he felt stressed or needed some breathing or food)and ends up becoming the self proclaimed "King of Bananas" to show his faith to these bananas. Or even better, a cleric who literally prays for bananas... and get his prayers answered by bananas.