Sh. Dr. Yasir Qadhi talks about the issues of marriage and what Men & Women need to know each other. ISLAM: the pursuit of happiness 2013 ICNA-MAS Convention, Hartford, CT Recorded 25th May 2013
"The prophet muhammad (saw) is the best example to look at: If you want a wife like Aisha (RA) then you need to be like who she was married to, the prophet mohammad (SAW)" Nouman Ali Khan
@@ghazalamohsin1018 you can’t control who you love more between family. Love does not equal treatment in justice btw. Even if he loved Ayesha the most between his wives, he treated all his wives with excellence
incredible, this man is saying we should improve our marriages, we should be better to our wives, better to our husbands, be more caring, more loving, more compassionate, and still people have all this hate. just shows how little you are capable of compassion.
I love this video. I'm a girl who really hates men who look down on women. Sometimes it makes me think that all men is the same: annoying. But certainly this video is amazing,match to psychology books about man and woman I read. I'm not surprised if there are a lot of people against what he says, because it is not easy to see a matter through other gender's perspective. But I cant see anythin wrong, with a man trying to be more caring to his wife, and a woman trying to trust his husband more? :)
I simplified it further: 1) A wife provide full respect and fulfilled her husband's need. she gain love and emotional security sincerely. 2) A husband provide emotional security through lowering his gaze. he gain respect and needs fulfilled sincerely. 1 + 2 = Eternal love (Jannah)
what surprises me is that when the wife of Kaliph Umar was yelling at him, he did not say that honey if you yell at me i will leave you or yell back at you, rather he said she is the mother of my kids and has a right to yell at me. When complaints about the women of Makkah who were harsh in nature compared to the women in Madina, our Prophet sallalahu aihiwassalam did not say that none of you should marry them or all of you should leave them. Yes we know they have rights over us but that does not make them equal to Allah and it was our Prophet who said قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: واستوصوا بالنساء خيرا، فإنهن خلقن من ضلع، وإن أعوج شيء في الضلع أعلاه، فإن ذهبت تقيمه كسرته، وإن تركته لم يزل أعوج، فاستوصوا بالنساء خيرا Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said: “And I command you to take care of the women in a good manner for they are created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked, so I command you to take care of the women in a good manner.”[1] Bukhari
I'm not always going to let people make mistakes. If I correct them its not supposed to be daunting or just let them make huge mistakes without telling them and being straightforward. Correcting somebody from making a mistake is not shaming or disrespecting them. Yeah and also the talk about the women was HALF as long as the talk about the men.
The UNDENIABLE truth is: Allah has created us majorly different and the wisdom lies in ACCEPTING, understanding, appreciating, and living in peace with each other while cherishing the other's differences.
Mashallah. Thank you Sheikh for putting together such simple ingredients to a happy God fearing marriage. May Allah guide us all to the straight path... Ameen P.S - Sheikh, London is looking forward to your next visit
Mashallah ...i will def watch this when Allah brings me my future wife .Ameen..May Allah ease it up for those are not married and completes the half of our Deen..Ameen ya rub..and may Allah ease it up on those that are married and make them understand each other and walk each other to heaven ..Ameen ya rub.
Wota an amazing speech and clarity about relationship problem.wot all u said is absolutely ritr sit Amazing guidance.may allha bless u abundantly AMEN.
Wallahi this lecture shld b a MUST to listen for all couples to b married ad those facing problemes....i sujest a copy shld b pasted on the fridge in each home. May Allah subhana wa ta'ala reward u shaikh the best of rewards.
I really enjoyed listening to your talk Dr Yasir Qadhi. I agree with all what you said with only one addition to it, that these are general guides and advises. However, relationships are much more complicated than the GENERAL guides. Sometimes cracking jokes about how your wife looks, or how your husband is lazy are fine and actually positive. I would also say that these are guides for feelings, which might not necessarily always reflect in strait forward honest actions.
Amazing speech sir..."deep meaning and very real".useful one "god bless u" and ur tongue to preach islam more properly the same way how to u do.jazakallahuheiran.
Comments are loaded with hatred and biasness. Sheikh Yasir brings home nothing but the very inherent dispositions, psychology and mind- frames of the two genders. Why so much crudeness and hatred then?
Because of the influence of the 'western world'. And nobody can help them or it. Qeyamat is very near brother, its very near. I hope you are getting what i mean.
He has raised some great points like nitpicking and nagging are bad for relationships but it should be noted that men and women both never want a partner who is after them nagging and making a big deal about small things.. Men women both do this not just women.. And also since when is feeding ego part of Islam or healthy relationships?? we all should know ego is like a big beast the more you feed the bigger it becomes.. Islam teaches us to be humble and if your partner, He/she is so full of themselves that they make a scene if you correct small things about wrong direction etc then what kind of Iman they got? What will they teach to their kids? Where is the humility and merciful spirit that our Prophet ﷺ taught us??
what an amazing speech. If only all of us understand and apply this in our lives, there won't be a need to go through divorces, except for some exceptions.
Amazing advise - one thing I wanted to add- always apologize if you think you are wrong even if you are not just say I am sorry. Hard to say but very effective
Love is greater than respect, simple example, you may respect your teacher but not have any other connection beyond that, but when you love someone like your mother you'll go to the ends of the earth for her, respect is encompassed within love but there is also something more.
We all need to be humble, irrespective of gender which means no one should belittle others. We should all respect each other. Disrespecting humiliating others is a sign of arrogance.
I understand his point about respecting husband but wives also want respect too including love. Also then a man should be quite too suppose if wife took a wrong exit then it won’t turn into argument . Same husband has to stop nagging and choose his wordings too not to humiliate his wife in fro of his children or relatives
You are focusing on 'equality' which is the only thing ruining the world rn. Trust me this will not get any better and the world will increase in hatred and unrest if people focused everything on being 'equal'.
I have some of my friends who are educated but they have weakness and at times can not be tolerated and one must tell them. so I think sisters can tell them and help them to overcome . but do it politely with respect. I see lot of negative comments about the talk. one must realise that this a general talk. and not targeted to your own experience and issues.
Jazak Allah khair. Efforts of both sides, teamwork, etc, yeah, it is ma sha Allah totally logical, and I guess I have the opportunity to test the theory, because I think I can never get my husband to watch this video. Or any previous videos about this topic. I tried. So it is totally up to me.
Ayanle Ahmed lol i am 35 bro.. but you know brother, you are on the right track when you agree with the lecture. thing is, all feminist ideas should be rectified because Allah almight's laws must be all correct. Barakallahu fiik, nephew
Men also want to feel loved from our spouses and Men also like to respect their spouses . So IMO, love, trust, respect, loyalty everything applies to both genders in marriage. But what the speaker says is correct. Respect and love shud me maintained in marriage. But it is not confined to a particular gender. It applies to both genders
It really applies to a particular gender more. Understand the fact. A particular gender, 'more'. Otherwise the world would have been filled with hatred and wrongdoings such as the current times.
As Salam Aliekom What we need to know is How to Create and Maintain Healthy Relationships and Boundaries and most especially how to extricate ourselves from abusive relationships before our soul suffers too extensively. Equality comes from respect on both sides but it has to come at the beginning and continue throughout the whole relationship. Both parties like to be cared for it is an activity that must come from both men and women
Lol! His speech totally focuses explicitly on the dominating factor of men. He is basically from south Asia, where this kind of relationship existed between the couples back in those ages. And about the EXIT example!! it's hilarious!!! Instead of pampering his EGO!!!! or water his EGO. Let's make a man become a good human instead!! EGO comes from SHAYTAAN !! Instead men should and women should respect each other. If someone is wrong, one should say it nicely, with positive attitude with love. I think a marriage will be good if the TONE of any conversation has kindness and love (patience ) FROM BOTH THE PARTNERS!!
nature :), do you know this word? He is talking about something natural. He means that both sides need to make great efforts to have a happy family. All he tries to say is men and women's nature.
Firstly, please watch the video carefully. :-). Then you will find sense my words and other comments, which state the same thing I am stating. Then, read my comment again. He is presenting his IDEAS on a Bad NATURES which men possess, his speech is such that he is WATERING that nature by asking to compromise/pamper those. ( watch for the driving exit Example). I do like Yasir Qadhi, in his other lectures. But, here he is interpreting something which is not sounding right. And that's fine. He is a human being. Well, we should watch and try to follow the natures of our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), instead of focusing on some ideas of someone else's perspective. In this topic, I would love to listen to Mufti Menk! He is awesome! And P.S I like Yasi Qadhi. He is just a bit not right here.
Shehraan Rana if it is men’s nature, how bad it is? And you think if you can change it it is not natural at all. And want to be loved, taken care of and cherished are good nature?
@@MSRana-ub5gr I agree with you!! I cringed a lot watching this. 100% w everything ur saying and was just searching the comments to see if someone else thought the same. Alhamdullilah finally found ur comment. This kinda grossed me out. I’m not going to feed anyone’s ego :,D everything should be done w respect and love on both sides. Thanks for ur comment sister.
Ego is the lower Nafs - the animalistic tendencies which need to be tamed. You are so right about what you said. Let's not pretend ego is a good thing. It is a test from Allah that we shouldn't feed into. We shouldnt allow men to do what their base desires control them to do. It will lead to dystopia. Ego wars. Death. Chaos.
Idk about men but everything he said about women was completely wrong except near the end when he said to appreciate your wife. Of course I want to be loved, but it's not the most important thing. Women want to feel genuinely appreciated, understood and deeply cared for. We want to know that you actually care about our wellbeing. I prefer if a man cares for my wellbeing, than to be in love with me. I value friendship more than romance. Romance without companionship is a fallacy
When Islam says we should not have big egos and think highly of ourselves,it doesn't mean that we, human, does not have those tendencies. It's a human nature. Tendency in human will always exist, but human should control the bad tendency.
Assalam o alaikum,, i really respect yasir qadhi and always like his talks but you are somewhat right this is humanly not always possible to be the way he describes a wife should be in not correcting the husband , it sounds like a women is a sculpture and not a human , i think men and women are both humans and humans basically share the same basic nature ....
This is a very informative and useful talk. Every couple should listen to it and try to implement. However the background humming sound was very annoying and distracting .It should not be there .there is no need for it . so that one can pay full Attention to the speaker.
I swear what this child is saying (I happen to be nearly 50!) is 100% correct. I do this and honestly this comes true. ALWAYS! To this day!!! Try this and I promise your lives will be happier.
Some people have sound aqidah; yet are slandered on RU-vid by those who are not only less learned, but also have done less positive for the ummah than they.
In Quran said treats woman as a gift. Muhammad saw last time said only one word, treat your woman nicely. They even don't ego , husband respect will out questions is exaggerated talk their self made.
+Ahmed Al-Salahi I like to hear any one man who says 'he would marry someone who is not attractive to him because beauty goes with time'. Now what is physical beauty depends on individual man. i think it is the gateway to his heart and with chemistry and other things can lead to marriage, this is just from my observation.
That's so annoying. Like men need to respect women too. Don't over exaggerate. The prophet PBUH used to get up every time his daughter stepped in the room and greet her. Like no body is gonna surrender. Ima surrender to Allah. I'm allah's servant, not a man's! I'm sorry but I feel like you're not expressing this topic properly. I feel very belittled. Good bye!
Would the man feel disrespected if another man told him he took the wrong exit? I’m thinking NO, so why is it that when a woman corrects the man, he feels disrespected? Could it be that man views a woman as beneath him, while he views other men as his equal so is more willing to accept correction from a man? If this is indeed the case, we have bigger problems.
I am proud dominant woman, that is how Allah has made me and I don't feel I have to change that to please a broken man's ego. We have been married happily 12years with 5 children alxamdulilah, in my house it takes two to make a happy home and family. I am not willing to babysit a grown man, I don't feel I have to hide my emotions and feelings, I don't have play a hopeless princess in distress waiting to be rescued😂 and If my husband says something I don't like, most of the times the response is witty. I find this lecture far from reality, sexist and completely biased Sheikh, Allah aclam, Allah is forgiven.
Afhayeenka Dumarka that’s fine if you’re a dominant women but nothing the sheikh said is sexist, he’s well read on this topic and research basis his arguments.
all. I don't remember the last time my husband said he loves me, but I know for sure that he does and he care for me and my children very much (action speaks louder than words). My home is my safe haven, and i must live in it with comfort. If my husband lives with me like a master and servant, my life will be very miserable. I thank Allah, my creator, for giving me such a wonderful and understanding partner.
my everything, and I love him to death.My husband has a daily routine. He goes to work in the morning, comes back around 530pm, spend some time with us and then goes to the mosque for maghrib and isha. If I don't see him come back from work by 630pm and he does not call, which he usually does, i call him to find out if everything is ok, and that does not mean i'm bothering him, it means I love him and care and i'm afraid that something might have happened to the only man i know as a woman. Last
Very informative and useful talk every couple should listen to . However the background humming sound is very distracting and and annoying. No need for it you should not be there so that one can pay full attention to the speaker, thank you .
Did you all ever hear of Rasul صلى الله عليه وسلم celebrating a particular day as “marriage anniversary?” Do some people think they are better than Rasul صلى الله عليه وسلم ? All the days belong to ALLAH Alone. A person should treat their spouse well every single day.
I'm not sure that u have actuallyy seen this videoo.. he didn't sy that mns are superior than woman but tht they are difrrent nd that is fact.. he said that woman should lwys feed her husband ego to make him feel better,and shouldnt treat him as child and ng ll dy long. nd he sid to man that they should spend more time with their wifes and show them love,be there for them listen them and support them. praise their look and effort they do to.
Its sort of a good ego. Just be wise and try to understand instead of saying whatever comes in your mind first. Otherwise the world would not have any peace at all like current times.
Have you ever been in a car with a driver who underestimates the distance between cars or who overtakes and takes risks that are potentially life threatening? I believe a lot of wives are dead because they kept quiet and allowed their husbands to learn from his mistake. Sometimes you dont get a second chance. If a mans ego is so fragile he xant accept correction from his wife and partner this is crazy. So what about sex? Does a wife say nothing and not help her husband learn now to satisfy her? This is just a miserable life for a wife.
what if husband doesnt want to be a saviour but demands woman to take care of things, still dont trust she can do it, makes fun and is nagging, controlling, scolding??? and he wants me to nagg him and pester, but i hate doing that, its not in my nature. it makes me feel very unhappy. and he cant understand why im reacting so bad, he denies my feelings.
I love you for the sake of allah, brother Yasir. And I have watch and love your sermons but i disagree with some of the things you say in this talk. Marriage is a partnership, is not a boss and servant relationship. My husband will be furious if i knowingly let him to make a mistake. I do correct him whenever needed and there is nothing wrong with that. It does not mean I'm his mother or disrespectful to him at all. In intact, the father of my children, my soul mate, is my hero, my champion, &
Lol Delicate male ego? are you joking? it looks like husbands get a pass on their shortcomings. Women are more intuitive and husbands should listen more to their wives instead. Stop making excuses for men as this does not help at all. Husband and wife are partners and should respect one another at all times and not allowing men to act like boys...the wrong exit is the wrong exit...that is a fact and it has nothing to do with respect! Lol
And yes, statements like this is exactly why unrest and hatred is increasing in the world. There will be no good and no peace whatsoever in such a case (for some ignorant people). Try to be wise and understand if you may.
@@wannpunman7372 are you talking about the video? Because when I watched this a decade ago, it caused me to hate men for some time. I swore I would never get married because of this. The woman who commented actually phrased it in a respectful way, so if you got offended, mens ego must be more fragile than a snowflake on a window. Shes right. Women are intuitive. We have a way of sensing things. Why did Allah give this to us if we are not allowed to use it? We can sense when there is danger. If we dont alert our husband, it may result in damage to our luves, but if we do alert him, it will damage his ego. What's more important?
Maybe you have good role models, maybe your brother, father and friends are good men who would not get offended by woman trying giving them advice. Dr. Yasir talk about men in general.
NightcoreEutopia Thanks I wonder that is there ever justice going to happen and if yes how that is going to be? May God forgive me for thinking like this but sometimes I lose my fate in him 😔. I used to be much more stronger believer before but things has happened which has been totally unfair on me while I had 100% trust on God and made some decisions based on that trust .... I’m just so confused!!!
NightcoreEutopia Va Aleikomassalam, thanks sister for showing your sympathy and advice to me. May God reward you for your kindness. I’ve already got divorced around two years ago in Shariah way yet needs to be done legally. About God’s testing I don’t understand why testing never ends for some people while for the others life goes rather smoothly! This is NOT fair! As I said I’m really confused! I hope God shows me the right direction and help me be able to trust him again. May God help you as well sister ❤️
NightcoreEutopia Thank you sister for all your words and time for replying to me. I’m happy you are in a better position now. I hope your life circumstances gets better and better everyday. I hope the sun start to shine over the lives of everyone who are getting through difficulties. To be honest I do need a soulmate as I’ve never had one but with having two beautiful, wonderful and clever kids and at the age of almost 52 is that ever going to happen? However I’m still hopeful because I don’t want to think that’s over because that makes me sad and angry and I know that anger doesn’t come from God and I don’t want to developers negative feelings inside myself. All I can do just to be hopeful! ❤️
week sunday, my husband put our summer curtains up and he did it upside down, goes what, when we found out, my children and i laughed so much that he joined us in laughing. There is nothing wrong in making mistakes, it means we are human and we are not perfect. We must not take every little thing,our EGO so serious, ME, ME, ME, or I AM THE MAN all the time. My husband is well respected and calling him to find out where he is or laughing at his funny mistake does not mean he is disrespected at
