- Being publicly exposed - Losing control about their environment - Being normal, not special - Owning responsibility for their attitude and actions - Going to a very skilled therapist - Boundaries of others that they cannot be breached - Not believing their (double) lives - Facing their low self-worth when inflated ego is crumbling away Etc..
Must be bloody exhausting. The endless machinations and presenting different lies to different supplies. I'm sure mine kept an Excel sheet for all of that. And a Word doc with the right lines to match the circumstances. Some of the stuff he texted me sounded copy pasted.
Why are narcissists not afraid to lose control of themselves? Those that are violent, yell, threaten, throw things, and have addictions don't seem to notice that while they are desperate to control others, the person they should be controlling is themselves. My ex actually said that behavior is not a choice- a perfect excuse for never even attempting any semblance of self control.
Truth.. my husband was so controlling, but couldn’t control his own self. He could do great for a while then all of a sudden he would get really bored, and he would start acting different. I would end up finding out he was doing drugs again I gave him a couple chances after that I caught him again he was staying up for days & brig violent come to find out he was smoking meth everyday . I left 14 months ago & moved states away back with my family.
Either that, or they would be the first ones to give you a lengthy lecture about the importance of controlling your emotions and "getting ahold of yourself" but would never do it for themselves. Because when they lose control its "different." They have a really good reason for it, but you never do.
This literally had me in tears!! 15 years of marriage and I’m finally getting divorced. I wish I left sooner. Thank you so much for your informative videos. It has helped me tremendously. It took me 11 years to realize my soon to be ex husband is a NARC. I actually don’t even hate him. I feel very bad for him, but I’m OUT!
I really is sad isn't it??? They are such sad, pitiful people who can't seem to help themselves or are not willing to get the help. It's been 14 days of NC for me. One minute I miss him and cry, the next I hate him !!! My therapist says I'm going through the grieving process as well as withdrawals.
It’s crazy how you’re describing a Narcissist, but you’re also describing my ex gf to a T. Her biggest fears are rejection, abandonment, being exposed, shame, and being humiliated.
Narcissists create their own pitfalls. They invite negativity, but don't want to own up to it… And when they try to sabotage others, they end up sabotaging themselves. 💙RU-vidr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
They always have to be in competition and think life is a game. I am not in competition with anyone and if they feel better by putting me down then let them do it because I don't need validation and don't give a shit that people hate me and don't like my presence. They stalk they become obsessive. In a major way I feel sorry for a lot of them because they are dead on the inside.
I am really grateful for you and Lee. REAAAALLLY wish I had found you guys early in the relationship b/c I would have got out before I got hurt. But everything happens when it is supposed to. Here's to healing, thankful for what you guys do!
Me too...recently my Veteran husband, horribly discarded and left me homeless with nothing and he married me knowing I was a 3rd stag Breast Cancer Survivor for 20 years, that I had been through a lot in my little life. And I never lost my happy...I got happier, I was blessed. Until a Dark Triad targeted me. It seems however the education for me came to late, or I would have been a little smarter with my money and credit score for sure.
I feel your hurt Chris, you’re right about everything happening as it’s supposed to. I held on so tightly to my marriage of 22 years, even though he was in an emotional affair with a childhood sweetheart for the 2nd time 🤦🏻♀️ and completely ignorant and in ‘denial’ about it. If I the relationship had finished off earlier then I would probably have begged him to come back or be easily hoovered. The fact that I had months of being ignored, gaslighted, emotionally manipulated and treated like crap, actually forced me to give an ultimatum and finally let go. I do hope you are in a much better place now and are on the journey you deserve.
I pulled a big one. Mutual break up with my narcissist was April 27 after 13 YEARS. 13 days later, He takes a girl on a date and she posts how wonderful the date was on Facebook. I went ahead and commented that anyone capable of going on a date after 13 days following a 13 year relationship was obviously a narcissistic personality disorder. 😻 I’ve known he was a narcissist for the last three years and I have been kind of combating that, versus trying to change it and in the last year I was just ignoring him. He did not like to be outed, and immediately got his shit out of my house. She blocked me. 😃 I unfriended him. 👍🏻
She will find out soon enough. Even if she doesn’t post it. She will. He will get bored. He will lust after more supply. Rest assured, he won’t forget u. Narcs won’t see your comment as truth. They see it as jealousy and it feeds their evil nature. Let His works prove to his new supply your truth. Be well my friend. I’m 8 months out myself. 🤗☺️
Immediately, I was thinking “she will find out soon enough“ and she will. I have compassion and a little pity for her because she is about to go through the ringer just like you did. Those patterns never break, and if they do, it’s very rare and there’s only two of them, this guy and Lee 😅
My last Narc is terrified to be alone and he'll invite people he HATES over before he'll be alone, including indulging in a relationship with a female he hates.
Facts 💯 they slate the very people they need around them as soon as their backs are turned, yet massively need them very people believing their false self... Without people around them believing in them, that false self can't exist... They need ppl to be fooled and believe in them so they feel alive.. Once a person figures them out & tells them what the narc is to his/her face then they fear you hating the fact you see through them, therefore that makes them see their true pathetic selfs & they absolutely want to avoid that at all costs!!!!
5 lessons I wish I could teach Narcissists 1. We love you. No matter what your imperfections are. We don't care. We love you. 2. Our criticism is to make you stop you're bullshit so you stop hurting yourself hurting others and sabotaging your life 3. We will not abandon you. We are not those people who hurt you. Stop lumping us into your past abusers. We are here for you. Ride or die. How can you not see this????? 4. Take off your mask and show us who you are. Stop being scared. Once again we love you. 5. If we do abandon you it's because we don't know what else to do.
I think we all took this approach and it doesn’t work with a narcissist. They don’t trust, they don’t believe you, they hate your weakness, it shows them you’re locked in and therefore that repulses them and they need the chase and thrill of someone else. The love is on your side only and is a total waste of time and effort
They hate that you know many things that they think you don't know. They also hate that you cracked their mask and that you caught em slipping. I absolutely cannot stand a religious narcissist.
Yup. Mine wore a Christian crucifix neckchain around his neck and was a total manipulative monster, player, and emotional abuser. Also into BDSM. I find many hide in kink communities as Dominants
Projected insecurities feel unreal! The greater the fears the greater the ego projections. Wildest ride on the crazy train 🤡. I was told "im scared of you". My response was "you know i love you". All fear is the fear of love🙏🏽
I think my Ex was more afraid of being held accountable for his part (it takes two to make or break is a phrase someone once told me) in our downfall, than what he was at losing control over me. 🍒
Narcissists create their own pitfalls. They invite negativity, but don't want to own up to it… And when they try to sabotage others, they end up sabotaging themselves. 💙RU-vidr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
I am struggling SO much with someone who I am pretty certain suffers from NPD. I was recently discovered to be Autistic, with a ridiculous list of comorbitites… but during my journey I was mostly accused of suffering from NPD. So I went there, tried to be assessed, studied and studied and now my mind is completely gripped in self discovery. The relationship I am leaving right now, to me fits the NPD description… constant verbal ‘directions’, weird/private rage sessions that solely revolve around me believing something they need me to see or believe. I have never been so confused in my entire life, and while I am navigating learning about me and autism, I also have to navigate this situation with this person. Ultimately, I begged for therapy, begged for non toxic communication and real vulnerability/intention, I fought hard for it… ultimately, they would not do this, they could not do this. I decided my mental health was so at risk, so seriously at risk, that I decided to end ALL contact. My heart hurts a lot doing this, but I need to feel I can literally breath. I’ve felt like I was on the verge of a heart attack/stroke for every minute of months… it’s not okay. I’m doing my best… and your videos have helped. I found you through Lee, who is my main go-to and has helped me immensely with his content. Grateful you exist. I wish my narc could have made the same journey… it’s heartbreaking, to me.
@ Lucem Clark God is saying to you walk free from this person you are trauma bonded to. In your obedience to turning your face and WHOLE self to GOD, the confusion, the diagnosis of Autism and anything other spirit form that has attached itself to you will be broken off and cast back to the pit of hell where it has come from. Trust God to lead you out of your wilderness experience. 🙏🏽
@@msladybug3961 I’m sorry… do you think I suffer from autism? Like it’s from the devil? Oh hell no!!! That’s creepy. I’m perfect and I’m autistic, the issue is other people not autism… I love my autism!!! Omg no no no!
@@msladybug3961...that is 100 percent true 👍...the cure for the hell of trying to live we a person intent on being evil is TURN to God. And then God answers and makes ways for us to live in peace joy love 💖 🥰 ❤ 😍
@@lucemclark8492 what I think is being in a relationship with the Narc, his demonic spirits have attached themselves to you in the form of soul ties. You have to remove yourself from him, and turn to God. God will heal you spiritually, mentally and physically. God will lead you into the path and journey of your healing and close that open door in your soul to the Narc.
I wish I had found you earlier. It took 15 years to realized what I was going through with a narcissist husband! He hurt me in in ways nobody ever hurt me! It's been 118 days since I had to discard him. The sadness does show up on and off. My life will be better once the divorce paper is filled.
What a narcissist doesn't always realize is that when they try to use sex as a weapon to manipulate people they are in fact showing vulnerability and if they come across the wrong person they can actually be manipulated by a malignant or ultra narcissist. My male narcissistic coworker shows his vulnerability around me all the time. He shows me his human side. I don't let him know I'm aware he's a narcissist. I treat him like another human being.
When we had only dated a couple months. We were out having dinner and I mentioned to him, I’m more of about macro managing, always looking at the whole picture. I hate people that micromanage. And of course he agreed, they just mirror you.
My wife have done horrible things to me but she would cry and scream that she’s a good person. I told my wife that I was leaving and she start crying and saying please don’t abandon me.
Thank you for accepting your flaw and the harm it’s done in your life and thank you for turning that into helping others from pain and suffering through understanding
its crazy its like a child with all that hurt underneath and entitled, and like many people in the world narcisists come from a background of trauma, like some empaths or codependents that grew up in trauma but didnt turn into narcs...... Narcs are micromanagers and controllers so the more their core wounds are triggered the more they try to control with these different tactics.... And they hurt others while doing so, unfortunately. Im 3 years into my healing journey from narc abuse / cptsd cause i had a narc parent growing up. Been watching lee hammock last year cause i dealt with a smear campaign, i go to support groups for trauma for about 3 years they're self-directed without a therapist, and here and there ive done some therapy and had some therapeutic help on and off....... To see so clearly that they are coming from a place of insecurity as it was shown yet again, in a video like this, is good. I called out a lot of narcs' in these support groups i go to for continuing to be abusive, even in safe places (these support groups), i assume ive been just one of many to call them out and highlight their deepest fears right in their face. No one is unloveable or defective, but when narc people are so damn controlling, micromanagers and entitled to try and cross so many boundaries they become a pain in everyone's ass and a reminder to back off and respect other peoples rights and space is helpful and appropiate. They see a reminder that they need to respect other peoples boundaries as a narc injury unfortunately. They have some healing to do for sure. Adults dont want any one to try and be always controlling them, and they struggle to have authentic relationships even if its, acquaintances that have a group in common, by respecting others and not being in control. That spontaneity and authenticity might be hard for these narcs. So i wish them healing , but many of us dont want any of our rights and freedoms and expression or authenticity or right to take our space tarnished with. They really struggle to respect that. Wishing them healing from that and that they can learn to respect others rights and freedoms for their own good, and so they stop being a pain in the back!Thanks for the video , we keep healing
Thank you Ben and Lee because I feel so free of this disorder now. i wont be a victim anymore thanks to this info and this is the fastest recovery I had from narc abuse this waa a covert narc vompletely tricked me but guess what I so over it and getting back to me now workouting out shoping for myself careing and Loving me 😁😀😂❤✌🏾💯🎉
It's incredible to me on how much you have educated yourself in such a short time! That fact that you are out here helping victims of this abuse seems to me that God had a plan for you all along. Thank you and God bless!
Videos like these, for me, easily evoke compassion. I definitely have some trauma bonding issues. Probably going to have to break down and finally do a 1 on 1. I was really starting to feel fed up with my guy…but for whatever reason…a massive temptation came over me this afternoon…and I just almost opened his last message
He's not your guy. He never was. If he was your guy, you wouldn't be watching these videos trying to figure out what's wrong. Your guy wouldn't treat you like crap.
Don’t do it. Narcissists can’t change. You’ll just go through the same cycle and have to leave again… but you’ll have lost even more time on him that could have been more wisely used on healing yourself and taking back control of your emotional health and happiness. Once you know, you go. So… go and stay gone. 🙂
Great 🥳🥳🥳 Then I already got my revenge on my ex narc 🥳🥳🥳 I saw who he really was during our fights. What I saw when his mask slipped (I think he got really surprised when he got a taste of my rage haha) I saw a little insecure boy in a grown man’s body!! I know that he knew that I saw him mask off, he’s exposed!!
On the other side of our last breath is excruciating punishment or eternal joy. If you have not repented and Jesus has not transformed you, you might be in big trouble.There are some essential commands Jesus said. One was REPENT and believe the gospel. The next, the first verse below shows where someone asked Jesus about who is getting saved and Jesus said there is a narrow gate you MUST enter MANY will try and they will not be able. The seriousness and the cruciality of that statement is unmeasurable. Considering the stark differences these few phrases will have in someone's eternal destiny.This is Christ's measure of who has come to him and anyone who falls short of this will be cast out forever. In the fire that is unquenchable. Truly Horrifying. Jesus trains his servants in the great fire of affliction, giving them a glimmer of hell so they can warn others. Someone said in psalms IT IS good that I was afflicted that is how I learned your statues. And Jesus said faint not at my tribulations for you, which are for your glory. This is showing where a believer gets a taste of tribulations. And we know in the end will be the GREAT TRIBULATION WHERE God comes and renders judgement. Some things that keep us from God can be a love for money, self will, self pride, and not forsaking our own desires. Jesus wants all of us in exchange for eternal life. He says you were bought with a price. He's saying i purchased you, I redeemed you but I have some very high expectations of you. Which are to pray continuously, to continue reading the bible, to give a tenth of all you have to the church, to visit the widow and the fatherless in their affliction, to help those in need, to pray for the lost, and to go make disciples out of every nation. Spreading the word of God is not just for a preacher it is a job for all believers. We have to let people know what is at stake, we must fully inform ppl about what the bible says in hope of snatching them out of the clutches of Satan on the path to hell, totally blinded by the world. Serious self examination is necessary because the stakes are high. There is so much evidence in the bible of salvation and if you have none of it You are likely in big trouble and need to immediately throw yourself on the mercy of God and repent for sins and turn to Jesus in hopes that he will spare your soul from the lake of fire. The bible says if our gospel is hid, it is hid from those who are perishing, the God of this world (satan) has blinded their eyes so they cant see and cannot hear). PERISHING in contrast Jesus said he who believes in me WIll never die. Remember God knows whats in the heart if it is a life saving faith. Or do you have a kind of faith where none of this is really relevant, merely a waste of time. Jesus really asks for very little in light of eternal bliss, a Kingdom that will never end. With perfect justice and peace. Even in our life today though we have to give us things his way is better. He is the way the truth and the life and as the bible says broad is the way that leads to destruction. But that Narrow gate Jesus mentions leads to life. Jesus said if you seek me you will find me if you seek me with all your heart. Romans 10:9 if you can confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your that God has raised him from the dead you shall be saved. It is with the mouth one confesses and with the heart one believes unto salvation. Whoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved. Then said one unto him, Lord, are there few that be saved? And he said unto them,24Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able.25When once the master of the house is risen up, and hath shut to the door, and ye begin to stand without, and to knock at the door, saying, Lord, Lord, open unto us; and he shall answer and say unto you, I know you not whence ye are:26Then shall ye begin to say, We have eaten and drunk in thy presence, and thou hast taught in our streets.27But he shall say, I tell you, I know you not whence ye are; depart from me, all workers of iniquity.28There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when ye shall see Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets, in the kingdom of God, and you thrust out. 12 13But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. 14For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence stedfast unto the end; 15While it is said, To day if ye will hear his voice, harden not your hearts, as in the provocation.
I just mentioned something small like u never text 1st and boy my narc friend went off.. saying I'm so critical..don't I realize he is sensitive and he ended the friendship ..
Whats crazy Ben, is that I was on the way to your ig to ask this question. And you posted a video with reasons why. Lets see whats going on here. Interesting in watching this
Man alive it was ALWAYS when I was starting to gain weight/muscle both physically and metaphorically & spiritually that like a hawk-he would swoop from the sky. Only FURTHER leading me to believe him that it was me (inner dialogue: of course I was more attractive as a healthy person) but, yes, cognitive dissonance: why am I only not healthy with this person? Hmmm. Very very difficult when this was age 21 till age 40. I had no one to really compare my life long partner and husband/father of my kids to
What about when she telling everyone that she’s the one that cheated and messed up the relationship and that I was a perfect husband and father? Is it a trick or some type of manipulation tactic?
He encourages us to move on and leave our Abusive narcs. He does say if they are showing consistent change, over a period of time, then you can work on rebuilding the relationship. And he spends most of his time encouraging us to leave, because most of the time they never change.
Oh, and the part about his wife deserving better… First off, we are All flawed. And no matter who we choose as a partner, they are going to be flawed in one way or the other. And how many people do you know who have literally dedicated their lives (he said it’s his full time job now) to getting better, and helping others get better. I personally think he’s done more than most will ever do, to try to make up for the wrongs in their past. And I don’t think I’m the only one who wishes their guy could change, and put in the kind of work Ben has to better himself.
@@seekinganswers3446 just wanted to know his answer to this question. It’s not that deep. I’ve spent probably hundreds of hours of watching both of them. They have helped me , and I appreciate it. However they talk with such vitriol for narcissistic people it makes me question the logic in insisting we go and they stay. It’s a valid question. Not attacking them.
I have an ocd with cleanliness and micromanagement. Many leaders, mothers etc also have it. Sometimes.. ppl do it unconsciously. Does it mean they are narcissistic. Actually everytime I watch your or Lee's video I first direct it to me and try to understand if it's me.. cos I went into therapy because i thought something is wrong with me. Didn't know abt narcissist then.
@ Raw Motivations. Thanks for what you do. Have you ever read “The first shall be last” by RC ROBERTSSON? If so, would you be willing to share your observations from it?
Why the hell would you all want a one on one with a narc? That's idiotic, you're trying to heal in order NOT to attract a narc but subscribe and get coached by one.
