What to expect when being placed on Hospice Care with Cancer 

It takes a village.

I got very tired when my husband was dying, but I would have never wanted anyone else to be there day in and day out to take care of his needs. His daughter came some, and it was nice to be able to just take a 2 hour nap and a long shower on those days. That got me through. Hospice can provide someone to just come in and sit with the patient so that the family caregiver can take a break. Not every day, but once or twice a week. You just have to ask about it.

The tiredness is an absolute! But i promised mom she would live in her home until the end. And I would Don’t do it differently. I only wish doctors were more forthright with us. Our mom had undiagnosed dimentia (until 1 wk prior to passing), accompanied with bladder and breast cancer, afib, heart disease, and chronic kidney disease . The hardest part was that we didn’t know that the symptoms observed were because of the dementia. So, the belligerent behavior and the forgetfulness was not a result of things we were doing, but a natural decline. I was her FT caregiver and the mental impacts to myself have been so difficult. I now go thru anxiety bouts that come out of nowhere. Thank goodness for my husband. He’s so patient with me.

Yup, 2 years into taking care of an older relative with Alzheimer's. He's 87 with pretty good physical health. If a doc said, "Oh, he's only got 6 months to live", it would be easier to dedicate myself. But his doc said he could easily live another 5 years. I don't even "nurse" him. Just stuck in the house enduring this mean old man that yells at me with crazy eyes. Can't do this much longer.

97 YO MIL with dementia and my wife is primary caregiver and has been for the last 6 years. Our personal life is basically on hold. MIL being Belligerent is an understatement and she is so nasty to my wife (and my wife is eligible for Sainthood) with everything everyday. My biggest fear is she’s taking years off my wife’s life.

When my dad was to that same stage, with his painful cancer, he agreed to be sedated 24/7. He got the pain medication, as well, of course. That's a good alternative. It was something he had discussed with the care facility, ahead of time.

My mother also died from pancreatic cancer. I definitely can relate with you. I'm sorry for your loss

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I am so sorry you have stage 4 cancer. 😢 I hope science keeps up with you and you live as long as possible with not too much suffering. I just had my one year Cancerversary and have scans tomorrow to see if I am in remission. I have so much anxiety! Initially they told me I have stage 4 cancer because my liver is full of tumours and I have nodules and enlarged lymph nodes all throughout my body. But after surgeries and treatment they realised that all these findings are unrelated to my original cancer diagnosis and now I am in the process of eliminating other cancers. It is starting to look like an autoimmune disease. I have been sick for years with autoimmune symptoms so maybe I will finally have answers. So for a while, I believed I had stage 4 cancer. I kinda know how you feel. ❤

@@iSheree thank you for caring, and I truly wish you all the best!

@@carolchmielewski5313 thank you and wishing you all the best too! ❤️❤️

Hey lovely. How are you doing today, x

There are some states that allow you to end life on your terms. Watch some of her previous videos as she explains it in detail. Exactly what to do, when you decide to do it, and exactly what to expect on a timetable. I personally wouldn't do it but I can empathize with why someone would. May God be with you .

@@Jomama02 Thank you! And, yes, I do live in a state that allows death with dignity!

Your state allows! What the heck is that? A felt need to make the newspapers, to be applauded? Maybe someone with integrity will step in and explain how the euth doctors' self-congratulatory drama is superior to just taking pain meds and good wine freely, and if/when they push over the brink, where is the sin?

@@davidowen9671 you are not a nice person.

@@davidowen9671 Instead of ranting , maybe you could calmly say what you think. Pretend you’re in school and you have to write an essay.

@ karel What a beautiful thought to share. You are a gift to humanity.

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I’m so sorry to hear of your prognosis. My brother had a massive stroke last April and discovered videos on RU-vid Tube about near-death experiences. They all said it was so peaceful and such an enormous amount of love penetrating their souls as they were dying that none are scared of dying now. In fact, they are so much at peace that some were angry having to come back into their bodies to live on earth because the other place was indescribably beautiful. I wish you peace and absolute bliss on your journey.

Praying for love and comfort to sorround you.

My thoughts and prayers out to you and you're family My dad had the same cancer he passed in 2017 one of the darkest days in my life keep fighing the good fight sorry you got this horriable diganosis i wouldn't wish this awful cancer on my own worst enemy

Sending prayers

Prayers for you and for your loved ones also. Thank God for Hospice

Praying. I’m so sorry!

Please except my apologies and sincere thoughts. My husband ( age 76) has esophageal cancer and we have been fighting it for 17 months...so far he is getting Palliative Care chemo and immunotherapy...but as Julie said above even with that I am watching a slow and steady decline. My husband too wants to pass at home and that is our plan. I will be praying for you and your dad to have the nicest easiest journey possible to leave this planet and go on to the next life. Hugs~ Jodi

I have the same. My decline has been quite quick. In September, October and November 2023 I was still cycling 40-60 miles per week and now I'm out of breath after a flight of stairs. I had an oesophogectamy in December 2021 to remove a 4" tumour (100mm) but it grew back and I've now refused further chemo and radio. I've accepted that I'm going to die, and while not massively happy at this prospect, I've decided I'm going to endeavour to face it with as much dignity as I can. I strongly suspect that I'll have to enter into the UK Hospice system for end of life care, but I'm unsure where this line in the sand is. I'm in very little pain, only discomfort after eating, and I'm having a little trouble now with reflux of saliva. Thank you for this video. I just wish I knew where I was on the slide.

@@philholdsworth8280 Many hugs and blessings sent your way.

@@carrie1666 Thank you.

I wish you whatever gives you peace and comfort at this sad time.

I’m confused why Hospice would suggest the hospital visit when they were at home to die.

Please accept my heartfelt condolences for your tragic loss. 🙏🏻💔💜🌻🌞

My heart goes out to you. 🌼

ohhh, Paul.......I wish I could just hug you, for as long as you need. I hope you have a good ally beside you right now. I lost my son; grief is a very very hard journey. Come her and post often; don't isolate.

I don't want chemo either...I got cancer again & that chemo is horrible,especially when you have other health problems 😢

I think Als will have a cure. I pray for this.

I have ALS also! Would like more information also! Good luck with your journey! 😊

@@soulspaces❤🙏🙏 hugs n prayers sent❤️🇨🇦

@@user-hk8ws8fk1x❤❤🙏🙏hugs n prayers sent ❤️🇨🇦

Whoa….what a post! I am alone as well. I’m old and my 3 siblings are ancient, so, no help from family. After a year of serious cancer treatment, I’ve also seen how “friends” become scarce….but gosh, they will “think of you”. 🤷🏻‍♀ In retrospect, I needed home health care during recovery. I wish I could give you some clever advice. I got nuthin’. I WILL applaud you because you just looked at this possibility. So, give it some deep thought. What do you WANT? Yeah, peaceful death in the middle of the night is a pleasant thought, but be prepared for SICK. Pain, vomiting, loss of bladder & bowel control, inability to prepare food, lack of balance and mobility, etc. You may consider an end-of-life facility of some type where you will be kept warm and safe along with available pain mntc. Good luck to you! ❤ We need to plan for the unexpected issues.

Frankly, I admire your comment about what’s comfortable for the family! ❤ That’s a very generous gift. As I read about people who “want to die at home” I can’t help but feel empathy for the caregivers who may have had NO choice in this decision. May God give you strength. 🙏🏻

I recall that Julie has mentioned this in a prior video.

What could a person do; having no one to care for them?

Me too! I’m going to book myself into some kind of facility to be safe, warm and pain-free..

Me too 😢

Oh, my gosh, how awful! How heartbreaking to lose both parents within such a short period of time! I hope you do well with your own recovery. There is love all around us and if you need to, reach out for help. Bless you.

@@sandybrown4764 thanks. It's been hard. Taking each day as it comes

They already use a lot of Ativan for agitation….It works well.

One tactic might be to ask/offer something specific, like, “I’m stopping by a strawberry stand to pick up some fresh berries. May I pick up some for you? I can leave them at your door. I’ll knock twice to let you know they’re waiting for you.” It’s kind and attentive yet offers space to your friend. Pet care is also a HUGE benefit! Walk dog, drop off cat food. Blow the leaves off your driveway? (and plant some petunias in a pot?). Stop at bakery for some fresh muffins? (Yum, that sounds tasty right now). Good luck with your kindness. This rejection is perfectly understandable. It’s not you! ❤

@@joannc147 He came to visit me for a couple hours yesterday and is in good spirits. Thank you for your input!

Yes, they can.

My husbands step-mother turned yellow gold inmediately after dying. Julie can clarify, but I think it's from the huge amt of meds she was given, provided in a "med box" delivered 2 days fr FedEx. She was a Nurse Manager, afraid of hospice. She had much agitation, constant diarrhea slurry. The hospice box had haldol, atropine, laxative, ativan, morphine. There were others too, I've forgotten. We were instructed to crush pills w spoons, add a little water, & inject slowly in her mouth. She would bolt up screaming "help me, I'm dying". She needed more & more, the 24-7 Pharm approved all increases. I think these amounts affected her liver, hence her coloring. I also spotted yeast, & the hospice Pharm was on it immed. & we had within hours. The meds worked, she was peaceful. Foam came out of her nose & mouth. We sat her up so I could clean w toothelle, & she did a little hiccup & died, very peaceful. I will instruct my family not to give me any laxatives. I think it's counterproductive to hospice. It is also very hard on the caregiver, as clean up means a new gown, (we cut hers in the back for ease of removal). You go through a lot of wipes, chucks, & peri spray.

Also forgot to add, like Julie says, every patient is different. My mom didn't have agitation, nor any discharge of bodily fluids bc we didn't give her laxatives & fluids. She was 81, died of lung cancer. She was very peaceful. Only drugs she had were morphine & atropine.

Hospice manages physical pain. Key word...physical. Misery is generally more of a mental or emotional unhappiness, not physical pain. There are some meds that can help this and the patient and their family would need to ask the hospice nurse about this.

@ kristen - right? Relief from the despair

It seems to me that most don't start hospice until they only have a few hours/days/weeks left. If earlier, I heard and it seems very plausible, that adrenaline is keeping you alert in fight or flight mode and once you get on hospice and get better pain managment/anxiety meds, etc, you can finally relax some and then the decline happens. I hope I'm saying all that correctly.

Right? He’s well over a year in hospice. Strong constitution in that man!

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