Welcome back to our monthly series, What Would You Do? This episode discusses the topic of parent's and family trying to convince us to have children by offering to provide care.
My parents told me to have at least one child and they'd take care of it. I laughed in my heart because one, they are getting older and the kid will eventually come back to me when they pass, right? Two, I had a feeling they wouldn't do as they promised and they'd say something like, "I never promised you such thing" after I have my hypothetical child. Three, I come from a poor family. Neither they nor I will be able to provide my child with a good life. I know what it's like growing up poor and no, love is not ALL a child needs to grow up healthily. Lastly, my parents have grandchildren from my siblings. I witness first hand how my parents would sometimes complain they are tired and don't want to look after their grandchildren, which is totally understandable; they are getting older. I'm glad I don't have kids.
It's horrible that we have been asked why don't you have kids but nobody asked parents why they have kids. it's like having kids is accepted as default state which can't be questioned.
Definitely one of the pros of going no contact/low contact with my family is that I don't have to hear them constantly badger me about having kids. I wholeheartedly agree that when parents "say" they're gonna take care of your kid its a LIEEE
Great video! My crazy childhood alone has eliminated my desire to have kids. Plus, I don't want to risk passing down two disabilities (especially Aspergers) to them. It was a struggle to make it to where I'm at now (doing good) because of my disabilities (especially Aspergers). I always hear from family, "You don't know, your child might not get those disabilities." It would be a disservice for my child to struggle in a world not built for them (or trying to understand their struggles) just so I can say I reproduced. CF people care more about kids than most parents. My older sisters have 9 kids between both of them and live in poverty because they can get a government check. They have no plan of trying to escape poverty for their kids sake.
We had family friends who raised two kids to adulthood and realized they didn't want to be done parenting, so they adopted two orphans and did it all again. I think that's a great path for those who want to keep parenting, rather than pressuring family members to get pregnant.
The actress minka Kelly was once in this situation when she was young she gotten pregnant her mother offered to help her if she went through the pregnancy but minka knew that if she did she would only be continuing with the generational trauma her mother was basically neglectful at times to her when she was a kid plus getting involved in toxic relationships so she decided not to go with the pregnancy
It's funny that I can't even imagine being in this position because my family's motto has always been 'small kids small worries, big kids big worries', so basically any child is extra worry so no one would ever convince us to have kids or offer to help out. 'You decided for it, your problem!' I guess knowing this 'worry' aspect growing up helped me become child-free. I now have see everyone around me have children and complain constantly - like you didn't know????
My mother who always told me kids destroyed her and my sister's life - recently tells me she thinks I would be the perfect person to have a child because I was accomplished and not like them. I tell her I can stay accomplished only when I don't have a child I know that and I have no desire to be a mom. She then tells me ok but if your husband still wants a child then she can fly to the United States - pick the baby and go to India and raise my child after I have birthed. I tell her I don't have the desire to birth a child I don't want to take care of, so then she says maybe I can be that surrogate mother and birth your and your husband's child!
Even if my mother offered to help me take care of my child i still wouldn't change my mind on having children because at this point my mother is too old to help plus the world has changed so much and not for the better in my opinion im glad i am childfree
"How about I just adopt one and give it to you instead? No? Why not? How would it be different if it were my own? Explain that to me, please. ... Yeah, I didn't think so. Nice try."
