What You Have Wrong About Abuse Covert Abuse Tactics Unmasked with Eleni Sagredos 

They nitpick everything! She would make long honey do lists and then complain about how I did everything wrong or too slow. Maddening.

The ex-narc made a big deal about a toilet paper roll. He said "you put the new toilet paper roll on but did not start it." 😂 Even until this day every time I put a new roll on I think about getting into trouble. How sick is that?

You are describing the subtle stuff! Totally my experience. I have questions.

I’m just at the beginning, but they also punish you for doing small things “wrong” like not folding the towels right or cleaning the dishes right to really undermine you and destroy your self esteem. I mean, if you can’t even do remedial tasks properly, you must be so messed up. I hope you get the sarcasm in that last sentence. But they do pick out small things that believe it or not erode your self-esteem more than if they picked out some thing that was bigger and meaningful.

Oh yeah, I got punished bc I didn't cook his eggs right. He wouldn't talk with me for days. Years later he admitted it was bc of the eggs.... When I would try to talk with him, be vulnearble etc. he would get up, start catching flies or even just get up, switch off the light and walk out von the room leaving me sitting in tears in the dark....Time to leave!!

I was ‘punished’ for not cutting onions properly. I got a HUGE lecture about not putting food in the fridge properly!!?? 😮

My narc was a classic “Nice Guy”, the poor nerdy teddy bear that never got the girl until he met me. Fast forward over a decade later and I’m reaching my breaking point of all the nitpicking the selfishness, the bullying (especially of our child) and coercion. I can’t sign up for your course soon enough.

could you please do an episode on covert narcs that claim you are the abuser and go to the ends of the earth to convince you of that and how they avoid therapy with you?

Yes! I experienced this, emotional abuse and verbal abuse. It was 4 months of hell. Its affected me in ways I can't even explain. I dated ppl before him and even genuinely liked them and some ended abruptly but I wasn't devastated nor was I as distrustful afterwards. He tried to belittle me and demean me but I didn't tolerate it. Once I saw the toxicity I tried to understand it and was trying to be different but I couldn't understand the toxicity nor how things weren't adding up. I'd question him on everything (which is why it was 4 months). I KNEW the problem wasn't me but him being nice when it counted AND my friend first made me think it was something he (not of his fault he had trauma from) that I tried to be more understanding and more patient until he cheated. That's when I knew it had been his intention to hurt me from one sentence he said to me. I ghosted him. 💪🏾 its great not being in that type of environment but the affects are tremendous even in such a short time. Just trying to demean belittle me make me feel less than (he couldn't beat me down in those ways) but bragging about us and how little he cared about me about us affected me because I was ALL in. I didn't treat him to the same type of behaviors I would've if he had been someone else. I am just trying to forgive myself and not end up in that type of situation again. 💛

Great video. ✌🏻🧡

I love the name. I know a woman like this. She showed me myself..

Dr Raman I says the types are interchangeable

I would love more information on learning how to leave. I keep finding myself and the people I love completely trapped with no where to turn.

This is so accurate!!!!!!!!

My ex would do the same thing with the dishes. I would wash a pot and he would take it out of the dishwasher and just criticize every aspect of it. I know for a fact that the pot was CLEAN when it went into the dishwasher - but to him, I was completely inept at doing dishes.

Gosh I'm not a germaphobe and I'm not OCD but if you leave food on the dishes when you clean them that is not technically cleaning them

I think when you are saying that somebody has crazy exes and bad boss and bad parent is an example of a covert narcissist is a disservice to people because agreeable personality types are often surrounded by these types of people. That is not a red flag

While I really appreciate this channel, I think there could be some issues with blurring the lines when using the term 'narcissist'. Some of the traits described here are definitely ab*sive relationship patterns that should be talked about, but are not specific, at all, to clinical narcissists. There are many, many ab*sive relationships out there, and only a small percentage of those are with clinical narcs. I care about this because my parent was diagnosed as a narc, and if we start expanding the use of the term to how it's used here, it leads to people really not understanding what I went through, or how my parent really is. One can be ab*sive but not mentally ill. My parent was ab*sive because they were mentally ill. There is a difference.

Any advice on whether you should write a letter to your narcissist/abuser when you do leave? Should you say you left because they are abusive? Let them know how they made you feel? Not for closure, but to let them know your feelings.

Were we chosen or targeted..

Brown Jose Davis Nancy White Timothy

Yes! Something you said around 12 min. in..... Modern videos now, about "red flags' to look out for, just teach some men what to hide. A guy I knew always made a big deal about, "I would never speak poorly of the mother of my children," but only because of those incel videos about picking up women, and videos for women about what to watch out for. Such a poser !