I read these comments out of sadness, as I did not realize how common my own story is. My oldest daughter who I once was very close to, once her father and I divorced ( even though she was older in her years not a young child) was not very happy and sided with her father and now will not allow me to have any part of her life. I could not attend her wedding, be at the birth of my grandchildren… she has said many a hurtful thing to me.. I have tried so many ways, to make peace yet she continues to just comeback with more anger. It breaks my heart as time is passing and the children are getting older and milestones are coming and going. I have cried enough tears to fill an ocean and then some. However, the one thing I have learned in all of this is… I spent so much time obsessing and focusing on my neglectful daughter, I was actually in my own right “neglecting” my younger adult daughter who was right by my side loving me, supporting me, trying to help me get this this difficult time. We allow ourselves to get so caught up with this “heartbreak “ we forget that there are others who truly love us for who we are and deserve our love for who we are. 💕 All we can do right now is love from afar.. 😢… much easier said than done but hopefully 🙏 one day all will reunite! Blessings and peace to all out there!
I just realized yesterday that same thing, my oldest responded to one of my rants as she always does with fact and logic and it was in that moment that I realized I was doing it again I was giving time and energy to my younger daughter who was and is treating me badly while not seeing that my eldest was not. If she doesn’t want a relationship with me there is nothing more I can do because SHE shuts me down at every turn so let her shut that door and let her go, more on and appreciate those that want to be in my life and be ok.
Speaking as a grandmother it has been painful and i know every grandparent on here is also hurting but form me what is worse is what these kids are doing to their own children by using them as a pawn. These adult kids have somehow convinced themselves they are just protecting their children from these evil , ugly grandparents who are just sooo awful they can't be trustest. Nothing could be further from the truth and in telling themselves these lies they are inflicting trauma on their own children.
I’m sorry to admit that you are correct. I wonder about the anger in the parenting and the anger in the marriage. If our adult children that are estranged stay mad for so many years at a time.
Makes a reasonable person wonder how these kids were raised if they are such bad adults. I estranged from my parents after they refused to respect my decisions as a parent. It started as a simple break, asked them to stay away while we heal. They escalated to stalking. After repeated boundary crossing, I cut them off. Consent matters. It is incredibly difficult to raise kids to behave appropriately when grandparents refuse to behave. If you can't treat a grown adult with respect, if you interfere with their household, how is it surprising when they excommunicate you?
This reasonable person is wondering what you are healing from since you brought it up. Sounds like you have control issues. Most parents have a hard time, transitioning with an empty nest, it takes time. Most young adults love their new freedoms, and tend to think they have the right to disrespect elders, by flaunting their children. I don't know your story, so I'm speaking on behalf of other grandparents, (the good ones ). I had a similar issue as yours, I'll make it short. My ex mother-in-law stalked me for 10yrs until a judge threatened to arrest her, her one and only son had passed away. I tried to reason with her, I recognized her grief, it just didn't work out. Now my daughter has kids, she's withholding her children from me now. Am I going to stalk her, nope. I don't think I deserve it, I worked hard everyday for them, I know I was a good mom, not perfect, I gave her my best. Doesn't matter if you're a good parent or a bad one, your kids are going to make mistakes just as we did when raising our children, hopefully it's not the kind of mistake that's going to bring everlasting regret. When you're ready to forgive, give them another chance, before they leave. As for me? I'm moving on, I'll love them from a distance.
@prussian1742 everyone has the right to respect or disrespect as one sees fit. Nobody is obligated to endure disrespect. More interestingly, we all have our own perspective as to what that is. If an individual doesn't respect autonomy and attempts to impose their views and values where they aren't welcomed, how would you expect that to roll. Mutual relationships seem to be beyond the grasp of so many. Nobody is withholding kids from you, you simply have no rights to them. Your writing indicates a sense of entitlement to another mother's children. Disregard for anything she does differently than you. Maybe you're the disrespectful person. 🤷 Seems like you are pretty inflexible, unwilling to learn and grow as a person. That poor mother, what she must be feeling having to endure this. Struggling to do well while her mother is all "woe is me" passing judgment and shaming. If you want respect, be respectful. "Respect your elders" is little more than generational bullying. Do better.
My son just had his 3rd daughter, I have NEVER met #2 and now #3. I met one time #1 but she has no memory of my husband and I. I pray ALL the time he will have a relationship w/ us. Nothing is more heartbreaking. I see my other two boys let us see their girls. I AM SO SAD.
I am sorry to state that I’m having the same life experience. The adult children that are estranged don’t understand the damage that they’re causing. Sally always reminds us to take a moment and remember where our adult children are at, at the moment and our society is telling them they are broken, there’s something wrong with them, and that they need distance to heal. We are living in a godless society, where family and God centered families are not encouraged.
Yes…. My older son & his wife ( it’s her keeping me from my grandkids) she knows this the ultimate hurt to me!!! My daughter in law is doing it for CONTROL, she knows I have her # she is a Princess / Goldigger….. I am so disappointed in my son for NOT SPEAKING UP & say NO my Mom is No threat to our kids!! To my son’s credit he is now FaceTiming me with the younger kids!! But my 13 yr old granddaughter has listen to her Mom and STOPPED talking to me, SUPER PAINFUL!! 💔😪💔😪💔 I was SUPER CLOSE to my oldest granddaughter, up until they moved 7 yrs ago….I babysat for her 3 days a week & her brother…..sadly my youngest granddaughter was born out of state & I was Not there!! When I did see her we were super close and I just saw her 2 months ago she is only 8 so she is NOT AFFECTED YET, my fear is once she turns 12-13 like her sister she will listen to Mom!!! ITS TOTALLY UNFAIR & WRONG…. It is damaging and unfair to the kids to use them as “ Pawns” and it SUPER SELFISH OF MY Daughter in law!!! My heart is broken 💔😪💔😪💔😪💔 I do believe in Karma…..
Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
My adult daughter lived with us and she asked me for help co-parenting with my granddaughter. Now that I set boundaries and gave consequences for my daughter's bad behavior she is withholding my granddaughter. This is not devastating to me but to the child because Iwas her second mom She lived me with me and now everything she knows is gone.
Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
My daughter has no valid reason to keep me from my grand daughters. Thankfully, I see my grandsons because her ex-husband is a wonderful father who makes an effort to help foster that relationship. My daughter has told so many lies about her childhood, and won’t except me telling the truth if asked.
That father is horrible, he has no business fostering a relationsip with you when your child does not want this. Your child dosn't need a reason to keep her children away from you, that's her free choice. Because they're her children
@@catsaresocute650 , actually that father is not horrible. It’s his choice how he uses his time with his sons. They will always be welcome here. I’m so sorry that this clearly triggered you, but you’re wrong.
@@shannonc.8911 he is not respecting her bounderies. When she sais our children shouldn't see this person delibertly trying to foster a relationship when that will make the co-parent anxious or angry is wrong. Going aginst the other parents rules / agreements is wrong.
My son has no authentic reason to hold my grand daughter hostage just that his gf is evil. Nothing more, nothing less. I have yet to meet mt grand daughter
Thank you for your comment. Finding a support system during this time is crucial, If you'd like to learn more about mine, you can reach out to me here- calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min
Not all of us did something to lose our grandchildren. I bet most of us happened after our adult child got married. For me it was a false allegation that was proven false. U may be doing this already but for me it's an acceptance issue and I want videos about that.
I want the group to know today by my leaving multiple comments that this is not as uncommon as you might think. When I have been in a place a very, very tender hurt I thought it was only me. There are so many parents and grandparents in the same pair of shoes we need to examine the messaging by society and therapists.
