Fading scars is one of the most triggering things in my recovery. My mum will always make comments and say I should try different creams and stuff to help them heal. I’ve explained to her that it makes me feel worse and triggers me but she just can’t understand and will have a massive go at me saying I want to be ill. In my head I wish I could see my scars but no one else could, idk if that makes sense to anyone haha
i totally understand!! as much as we wish we could change our parents’ / family members’ minds about SH and recovery, we can’t. we can only change our outlook. i hope you’re doing well!♥️
I definitely understand the competition in self harm. For me "superficial" is such a cringey word. Its like if its "not that bad" then you "aren't that bad".. I just hate that. Xx
When I used to self harm it was mostly in places no one else could see but I felt that they didn't deserve to fade. Might sound weird but I wanted to see something on my body that looked how I felt on the inside. Plus it was my way of punishing myself in secret
I feel like these are words that I have never been able to form. When people don’t understand mental health and make it feel like it’s being made up in my head, I just blame myself for being attention seeking. It really helped to see this comment as it reminds me that mental illnesses really can make a person think this way.
I understand that completely like fr I want to know and like have a reminder that yeah I slefharmed that's what I went thru I want the scars to NOT fade and that's okay
Yes. Just yes about what you said about scars fading. I have totally gone through that thought process of 'if they can't see externally how much I'm struggling then they won't believe me' but that has also been validated by some people in my life thinking that way and if they see that my scars are fading then they assume that I am feeling better which just makes me feel worse. Thank you for being honest about that thought process because I haven't heard others talk about that and I thought that it was just me attention seeking by feeling like that
I relate to what you've said about scars fading. For me I think when my scars were fading like maybe I was never really ill... maybe I made it all up? Anyone else get this or am I just batshit??
Don't listen to any of the hate Marie! We still get the mental health videos even of we don't pay! So people should stop complaining and just not pay if they don't want to. Like you said people aren't losing any videos, just gaining some of they pay x
I remember when my scars would fade I would get triggered to self harm again I guess to see them fresh, red, ect. But when I began wanting to get better and not self harm again when my scars started fading I would actually get happy like I would feel proud of myself that I’m letting them fade and not making new ones. And now everytime I see my scars I just pad myself in the back for not self harming anymore and to remember all the painful things that I went through yet I got through all of it and I’m still here. It just makes me appreciate myself more and makes me realize that I’m actually stronger that what I think. To whoever is reading this I want to say that you are way stronger than whatever your facing!!!
i agree so much with the fading scars thing.. for me it’s very mixed emotions... i feel kind of free to wear what i want and them not be so obvious but like you say i felt like a wasn’t valid enough without my scars! Anyway love your videos !! x
Thank you for covering these questions. Super informative! ♡ I can sometimes trigger myself when my scars fade, its almost as if that pain I felt and went through has disappeared. I find it so invalidating.
love you marie - people want you to do this thanklessly and for your videos to be a charity case, these people are solely interested in seeing you fail and it hurts them to see you win, as sad as it is, people have black souls and have to project their insecurities onto others. it is a reflection of them not you, don’t give them the power over you. block and remove people (delete apps) as and when you need to. You are winning at life, and making a career out of being polarising whilst helping others in the process. Thankful for your existence my love✨
I think BPD skills would be really useful video, it's more hard to access than other therapies and lots of people who need or would benefit aren't able to get it xxxx
My scars fading has been been the hugest thing on my mind for the past few years And I think it’s a huge reason I still occasionally sh, to bring them back Thank you for explaining how I feel
Not sure why there’s been hate towards the patreon. Marie has been completely transparent with us, we know that she’s admitted that RU-vid doesn’t generate as much money as she’d like because she’s not where she will be in the next couple of months. I think we should continue to support her and those who want to support her by liking videos, sharing videos, commenting on videos, liking her stuff on Instagram, and following her on Instagram and/or directly supporting her by giving her money. She takes time out of her day to give us this content, the least we can do is show her some support especially when she’s been so open with us. Love you always baby girl 💓
I really needed this video. I just relapsed again because I saw my scars fading and I think this mentality comes from feeling invalidated which I have struggled with my whole life and still do. When watching you talking and express feelings similar to the ones I have I feel so much comfort and weight lifed off my shoulders because now I know im not the only one thinkinh this way. Thank You Marie!!!
hii firstly thank you so much for this video :-) its cheered me up today. i've relapsed over self harm this past week and I feel myself falling back into the cycle. it's so hard not to get sucked in, but im trying my best.
What you said about the faded scars made SO MUCH SENSE. I haven't been able to put it into words so thank you. Also that physical aspect you discussed with the ice cube and the coloring made me actually think this could be a good coping mechanism for me because part of it is the "look" of it. THANK YOU MARIE!!
"I had a fight with roses" I always used to say..! Recently i've been struggling with SH-thoughts. And I feel like I need "new" scars,especially when i see my scars have faded.. so thank u for talking about this. It came just in time!🖤🖤
I don’t have scars but definitely relate to the “competitive” aspect, like just because I don’t show physical symptoms doesn’t always mean I’m doing great
marie could you do a video on dealing with depression while in a relationship and how it impacts relationships? If this is uncomfy at all, don't do it! only if youre comfy ;)
You are such a true inspiration Marie, thank you so much for this video 🌟 I love you girl ❤️ Yes would love a video on the DBT skills that helped you- think that would be really beneficial :)
96 days sober!! Going through a bad time but I hope I can make it and wont relapse. Really gratefull you're starting a converstation about this, it's nice to know someone understands how you feel.
i think that this video was super eye opening for me and i really appreciate you making it. especially the concept of scars fading is something that i have recently been trying to get a better understanding of for myself. it's a hard concept for other people to grasp for sure. huge emphasis on the not feeling worthy of help if i'm not externally struggling. it's such a giant trigger seeing scars fade then thinking i need to act on my urges in order to feel validated. i'm approaching one year clean soon, but it's causing a lot of emotions because of this exact reason. i'm asking myself why the hell i even bother going to therapy if everyone see's i'm doing just fine. i'm slowly getting there by reminding myself that it's gonna be okay in the end. surrounding myself with people that i love are daily reminders for me that i don't need to live my life seeking validation from others. i truly thank you for this video marie!! (also would love a video on dbt skills!!) lot's of love :) ❤️
i completely agree with marie, when i was at my lowest i was scared people thought i wasn’t healed as i wasn’t doing in heslthy coping mechanisms compared to when it was medium i was often, it shows that like people might make assumptions but you need to reassure yourself because no one knows their body more than yourself! i love you marie xxx
For me, I also just got so used to my body with scars on it that when they started to heal, it felt wrong and like my body didn't look the way it was "supposed to." That just took a lot of time and patience; I totally relate to the idea that it can feel scary to let go of something that brought comfort for years.
Marie, looking beautiful as always. I thought I broke out of this self harm but I've found my dad passing away this year and being very isolated and covid very difficult. I've lost everyone through having poor mental health. You can't see where I do it. The part about scars fading I totally agree with you, it's very confusing to say in words isn't it. I know I'm totally worthless I literally have nothing to offer anyone. Hope you're bit better after your accident. Sending hugs 😎🤘🖤
This is one thing that I can't figure out ,I self harm to get rid of all the horrible feelings and thoughts and the scares are a reminder of that , but when they go away I feel like the pain and thoughts are going to come back and they do . It's terrible but it's how I think .
The people not taking my mental health issues seriously anymore was such a real struggle. I feel like I’m not “ill enough” for help anymore. Or I’m not worthy of help because other people have it worse. So glad I’m not the only one who felt/feels this 💛💛💛
i would agree that getting comfortable with short sleeves came over time! at first i got comfortable around just a couple people and i slowly got more comfortable with wearing them out to stores and around strangers & work & such
This is great information & I totally understand & relate to it, from someone that use to self-harm. I still have my scars but I use to have that mindset. I use to do that with clothes as well & I showed my scars overtime. Love your videos. 💖
Thank you so so much for talking about this. I have been having a really hard time lately but I've also been trying not to SH. So because my scars on my leg are fading I've been really feeling like everyone thinks I'm just better. I ended up tryning to k*ll myself because it's been so hard not hurting myself but I'm working on it. My therapist thinks that I need medication now so hopefully that will be helpful.
Yes I totally agree with this. My scars have faded significantly within 12 months and I kind of feel like this appears to make me feel better but as you said it doesnt mean the mental side of the illness has recovered. I used to say they were cat scratches I made up such crap over it
What you said about the food colouring in the ice cube has opened up a whole new thought process for me, genuinely thought I was the only one who needed that part of it as well as the pain 😅
I'm 51 with bipolar and kinda tripped onto this website. You describe people possibly thinking you are mentally healed because you are not physically harmed. I really got that. I don't SH but my life isn't as crazy as it once was. I do take dozens of pills a day and feel my psychiatrist feels because I am not tripping over myself I am doing good. He is wealthy, educated and my age which makes it even harder. I did try to go to sleep late 2018. After they revived me I was on ICU ward for a couple of days but I do bounce back once my meds get built up in my system. I'm not sure why I'm telling you all this. I used to feel back in the 80's I was part of the brat pack and thought I was being filmed in a movie with everything I did. Now, not sure how real life is, in a good way, well to me anyway. It's just no matter what I say to my psychiatrist he has his poker face and I feel like I'm not being taken serious. I don't want to alarm anyone but it may take me moving on to get his attention by which point it will be too late. Yes I know exactly what you mean about physically fine mentally fine, NOT.
I'm lucky as mine faded. I was just wondering if any other guys are watching. Im currently in hospital again on my 2nd admission this year as voluntary this time I'm just planning on using the time to do college work and hopefully get meds sorted in time for Xmas. Just can't see a way out sometimes. Self harm is judged in so many bad ways. I describe it as a drug. It's an addiction like alcohol or drugs, it's needs to be treated the same way. I've been in here a day and to be honest I'm feeling better and I am proud I don't self harm anymore but disappointed that I try taking my own life. There is a reason in life. I want to do mental health nursing. That's why I won't give up. I love your videos. So good to see you doing well.
My scars fading is the most challenging thing for me! I thought that I was literally the only one who thought about it, until I spoke to you on Instagram and you replied! My sister use to say “well aren’t you glad you’re not doing it anymore” or “look how much better it is” or something along that line and it would drive my thoughts insane!
Marie, I can’t explain how grateful I am to you cause you have given me... the validation? (I struggle with words too can you tell) for so many things I thought were invalid? Like I hadn’t ever seen anyone talk about certain things and I feel fake and weird and then I related to things you brought up and that honestly helped me so much, and to this day you never fail to inspire me in recovery. Thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone, and for inspiring me to keep trying ♥️
Ahhh me too, after my hospitalization this year I felt like a freak and so so alone until I found Marie!! I don’t feel like beating myself down anymore when I start feeling inadequate, bc of the huge amount of validation I’ve felt here. I have honestly gained so much self worth thanks to Marie 💖
I hate the fact my scars fade because it makes me feel invalidated like I need to physically prove how I feel on the inside on the outside - and when ur not sh people think ur better bc they can’t see ur inside pain anymore and then fading almost unjustifies how u felt and are feeling
I just had a relapse because of the fading scars thing. I was always worried that no one would care anymore if my arm/thigh wasn't bandaged. It is obviously a trigger for me and I'm worried that I won't get over that.
amazing video :) maybe you can do a MHM on borderline personality disorder, your experience with it, what symptoms you had/still have, how you overcame it? ly
I agree completely I noticed my scars where fading and I hated it... it’s not an attention things it’s more of a “if they can’t see im struggling” type thing.
Totally agree with scars fading being triggering. I harmed to punish myself/cope/earn closure, so without the scars I feel like I no longer have closure for that specific experience as there is no physical proof.
when my scars started to fade, i often wanted to sh more to have idk a physical sign of what I'm going through, depression isn't easy to see, its not a physical illness but it affects your physical health and at the time i was really bad with communicating so that was like my warning sign to my teachers at the time that i needed help. Sadly most of my teachers still didn't help. I told my tutor i was sh and was suicidal and it took him 2 weeks to tell the pastoral team, then they just phoned my mum and got her to deal with it. That was one of my lowest points in time, there was no support available and i was screaming out for someone, anyone to listen to me and just to try and help me. That was last year. I am now 9 months sh free, I'm still not "better" but I'm getting there, i will never be free of mental health but i have learnt to live with it and befriend it (in a way. I mean its with me 24/7 so i might as well).
im watching your videos back but i am laughing 16:24 u were like omg tiger accident and shark accident but then falling in a bush is rediculous lmao i love u
I remember thinking up believable lies about the burn scars on my arm only to say "...oh...i cut myself...accidentally" because i was put on the spot when someone asked me what they were. It was quite triggering at the time but now I find it pretty funny. The biggest issue i had with my scars fading was feeling like i hadn't hurt myself well enough and thinking that therefore everything had been me faking and being dramatic.
you are so right about the fading scars part. I always feel like I have prove to myself and to those people who know about it that I'm still mentally struggling. Whenever my scars are fading I really start panicking because I think people would think that the problems are gone now and I'm doing fine. I also tend to get sad when my scars are fading because they feel like some sort of "friends" because you are so used to them and it's like you can physically see your problems and its not just made up in your head. I have a question for you, do you think that a tattoo on your wrist would help to cope with self harm? like in the sense of having something there that doesn't go away?
I love how real you are I think it really helps people because I don’t think it’s talked about enough when it’s a lot more common than people think and I love your makeup hope you have an amazing Christmas ❤️❤️❤️💖
I just want to say thank you for helping so many people out there with these struggles including myself. You are definitely making me and lots of people more comfortable with themselves being able to relate to you and not feel alone. Also you and me have the same tattoo in the same spot on the same arm! What a coincidence haha :)
Totally relate to everything you've said in this video. I would love love love a video on your favourite DBT skills, I love DBT very much and think that would be super helpful ! Xxxxxx
Can you do a video were you talk about different types of therapy and what skill they can teach or when to expect when you go to your first therapy session. Thank you love. Your video are so amazing and they help me so much. Love you 💙
I live in a household full of self harmers and it’s sad that I feel like there’s competition when there’s nothing to compete over. Scars fading is like a double edge sword because they’re less visible but it feels invalidating when it’s not supposed to be Also can’t go near those counters for staying clean because if the numbers get too high it makes me panic lol Also bonnie is ADORABLE!! Give her a cuddle for me 🥰
I've used "I had sex with Edward scissor-hands" and "I fell in some barbed wire" as excuses, although I think I first heard them on one of Maddie Bruce's videos so I can't take credit. Good old Maddie Bruce :) You look beautiful as ever Marie, thank you for another very relatable video ❤❤
Loved having another MH video! Lovely to see you back and you look beautiful ❤️ Can you explain this patron thing? I don’t really understand it 🤣🙈 Also how do we join it?
You can make a patreon, nothing wrong with that, yes I briefly expressed I was sad because it sounded like there was going to be alot alot alot more content on Patreon. Take it as a compliment I guess that we want to see more of you! But definetly not mad at you, it's your choice, you will feel better about your creative freedom and it will help you in the long run! I'm happy for you 💗
I agree with the red ice cubes as I feel like its "physically" there and I can "see" the pain rather then feel it. Which to ke makes more sense in my brain? Idk also when I've been in admissions ICE DIVING is the BESTTT. I love your videos so much🥺 been watching since I was 14 and I'm 18 :,) makes me so proud to see how my life is changing and how yours changes all the time xxx
I definitely relate to that I just feel that if I looked healthy then I had to be mentally healthy even though that is so untrue and only ever had to make one excuse for my sh which was I feel out of a tree idk I said it so much I almost started to believe it myself
Fading scars for me is really difficult to handle, but not because of people's thoughts, it's because I spent so much time thinking that I was just too damaged for no real reasons, like I wasn't trustworthy of beeing mentaly ill, so I need to see the scars to remind me who I was/am ( i now i'm not like this, it's just the disease talking) for quite a while and that any of this was made up by my mind. **sorry for wrong grammar, I'm brazilian
When anyone asks about my scars I tell them I got in a fight with a squirrel. Kids love this. They always ask more questions so I create a whole story, and squirrel was throwing acorns at my friend, it was a feisty squirrel etc.
I have some self harm scars that will be with me forever. I’m pregnant with my first daughter and I’m already worrying about how I’m going to explain that to her.. I’m also scared that she will be more likely to do it because she’s seen that I have..?
You talk so much sense and you're so beautiful ! I just love you. Thank you for being you ❤ and I hope you're doing okay, lovely lady. 💕 xxxxx Ps... I told someone I was attacked by a shark, I've also told someone I fell in a thorn bush 😂🙈 & I've told someone that I had a house full of kittens 🙈🤷♀️ xxxxx
Ok I haven’t had to make any excuses for my scars yet but for when I do decide to wear my arms out I have a few funny excuses ready: -“I made out with a cactus” -“I got in a fight with an ROUS” (like if you know 😉) And my personal favorite... -“oh yeah, these are from the time I had a one night stand with Edward Scissorhands”
I'm in hospital at the moment and every ward round my Dr says that bpd patients shouldn't be in hospital, so I just say, well why am I here then. I know it sounds stupid but it makes me feel like I'm not wanted anywhere. They can't cope with me at home and they don't want me in hospital. I just don't really know where I go. Did you ever experience anything like this
