Where Do I Start After A Divorce? 

When I got divorced, I had seen two things or signs: 1.) This too shall pass. 2.) Worry kills, not hard work. So, I pulled myself up and got a second job. Problems solved. Good luck. 💯👍👍😎🇺🇸☮️

There should be a class in marriage and laws pertaining to marriage in high school. Often, divorce is the single most devastating financial event in a person's life. My divorce took a full year to complete with the lawyers. Getting married in the courthouse cost $35 and only took about 20 minutes.

Alan- Do it one day at a time brother. I went through the same thing eleven years ago, I was 44, married for 23. Horrible divorce and over money. Get counseling. I slowly dug my way out of the huge financial mess the divorce caused. My new house will be paid off in a few weeks. My retirement situation is looking way rosier and the financial freedom of having no debt is a way bigger high than the low of the divorce.

I’m in the same boat as this guy, now. Please say a prayer for me. I will pray for others hurting right now as well.

I love that Dave didn’t ask what happened, all that mattered was this guy was hurting hope he is able to find some peace and comfort.

That was some remarkable advice Dave gave

It's sad that money is the number one cause of divorce 😒💵

Wondering how this person is doing now, almost 1 year after this call. I pray he is in a much better place emotionally, financially and just in general!

My wife just filed for divorce yesterday, these videos really help me, I'm still heart broken and hurt

As a Sacramento native, I just want to second Dave’s comment, there are a lot of great people all over Sacramento that would like to help Alan through this tough time in his life. There are several good meetups in this area for singles, come out and join us. We do a lot of fun things that don’t cost a lot. Most of us are on a budget.

That guy doesn't realize yet that this was the best thing that ever happened to him. Your ballast has been released. Now, start from scratch, and soar...

Divorce is horrible, there’s 3 side of this story. His side, her side and the children’s side. Everyone of them are in a painful situation, 1- only The love of Christ can help. 2-If you’re in a church join a bible study group, you’re gonna need a lot of spiritual and emotional support.3-pray, pray and pray some more.4- stay away from social media, all of them. 5-Do not argue with your ex in front of your kids ever. 6- stay away from alcohol. 7- Do not badmouth your ex to anyone especially your kids.8- get a second job. 9- take FPU class if you haven’t done it yet, rice and beans brother.10-exercise daily, not for your looks but for your sanity, you’re gonna need it.11-spend lots of time with your Christian brothers.12-Do not touch your 401k ever.13-Don’t make any big financial decision right now, you’re too emotional.14-spend time with your kids and always assure them that none of it it’s their fault and that you and your ex will always love them and you two will still be friends. I don’t know who you are but I will pray for you and your family, God bless you all🙏❤️

Poor guy. He can get through this and start his life over again

He needs to relax...let the dust settle and than you can rebuild. 👑

Bout to split w my wife. Never been on my own and kinda scared. I work full time tho. We've agreed that I'll live at home til I save some money. It's gonna be a lot more expensive on my own. But the stress of the relationship will be over and I'm greatly looking forward to that. Anyway I over sharing in a dang comment. Don't have many friends or folks to talk to so idk... Thanks anyone who reads

Definitely a great deal of pain in this call.... hope there is a nice view from the peak, once he gets out of this valley.

Divorce is like going to war. Assume that your ex is going to do the worst. You don't know someone for real until you go through a divorce with them. Prepare for battle.

Great respect for Dave. Very wise advice.

I'd get a second job. You will make more money, stay busy and meet people. 🤔💵

Most divorced men with children end up with no place to live and broke. The court system told me to find a second job, if your still having trouble - find a third job.

I'm never going to get married again

this phone call is eveey mans worst nightmare. Major reason why men are hesitant on marriage n kids nowadays. Society has literally taken almost every incentive away for us to even think about it

The most compassionate response Dave.

Any woman who wants you to sign a marriage contract to feel "closer to you," is suspect.

Thank you Dave I am going through the same thing that this gentleman is going through and I have moved into a tiny little one-bedroom apartment with this a used couch used furniture and all of the things that you just suggested to the gentleman but the one thing that I was not thinking of was God and in me and you said something that really and truly mattered to me and I have looked to see all of the commercial facilities in my area but I have not looked to see where I can go in the Sunday to actually speak with God I want to thank you for having said that and made me think about that and that will be on my agenda today God bless you

I could hear his "gulp" when he referred to her as his ex, sadly.

What's yours is hers what's hers is hers

4 years old video. Today. This is true for me over the Atlantic. And so inspiring to listen to ❤

Going through a divorce is tough. It does take time to heal, and it is wise for this man to sock away some cash and recover.

All of a sudden the girl I was seeing for two weeks that random ghosted me the other day doesn't make me feel so bad. Dudes, find those baby balls and just stay single. They ain't worth it.

I want to get a divorce but I have no where to go and little cash to find a place. But I feel guilty by only staying to save money to leave her

Glad I stumbled upon this video. Woke me up and told me what I needed to hear. God intervened. Thank you

I am going through the same thing and celebrate recovery has helped me tremendously. Look for a church in your area that has celebrate recovery and go

I feel your pain Alan, going through the same thing right now. It’s absolutely devastating.

Fantastic advice 🙏🏿 Dave is thinking long term.

Dave, when you go thru a divorce and a QDRO is used to divide the 401 k you do not have to pay penalties. Its a one time deal. You do, on the other hand, have to pay taxes.

I would adjust Dave's baby steps in this case to establish a 6 month fund for child support and alimony payments before working on the debt snowball, for the simple fact that you can end up in jail for non-payment, and jeopardize everything.

Love when he says keep it in your tackle box until everything is settled in that’s some professional advice with a good ol buddy attitude

Such great advice! You're awesome Dave.

He sounds depressed. Don’t feel sorry for yourself bro. It is what it is. It’s probably best you two parted ways instead of being stuck in a toxic relationship that affects your children and your happiness. Use this opportunity to get close to God, your Creator and Redeemer, who loves you.

The problem with the only have a couch option is the ex and their attorney will use that to say he doesn't have the capacity to take care of the kids and use that to reduce custody. I mean if you have zero choice then can only do what you can BUT you should try to have a place that you can have the kids there. If you have a contested divorce and a vindictive ex, and this definitely sounds vindictive, you need as much "custody" you can get otherwise you will be erased from your kids lives. These situations are so destructive and counter intuitive and you have to be VERY careful how you proceed, especially in the beginning. The only thing I did when I left was get the kids rooms setup and got every hand-me-down piece of furniture that I could.

You Sir, are for real. Great advice for a fallen brother. I hope he realises that this is only temporary. Start searching for the Creator, practice minimalism, eat healthy, exercise, learn a new hobby and start saving.

Dudes, this is why you don't get married...

No. The ex STOLE the savings. Sue her for it.

A man getting married in the United States in these days and age it's like playing Russian roulette with your financial life nobody let somebody else get the upper hand on them in a business deal in the name of what could be

4 accounts: 1 personal checking, 1 personal savings, other persons checking and savings 1 joint checking and savings that household expenses are paid from. Each deposit equally into joint from personal accounts. NEVER EVER have joint accounts that everything is deposited into.

Yikes. Marriage these days have almost no value for anyman unless you want kids.

Excellent advice. I hope this poor guy is doing well. NEVER get married gentlemen. Marriage ruins men’s lives.

Caller, keep you head up man. It's a long, rough road ahead, but you can get through it. There is hope. You will be stretched and be forced to grow in ways you never thought possible. You can't control the actions of your X, but you can control what you do in this situation. It's a bad situation, but good can come out of it. Use this time to grow and refocus your life. Best wished and may God bless you as you move though this.

Mr. By the Numbers should recognize and advise of the hazards of marriage and divorce in this day and age. If you like to tell it like it is, then don't hold back and speak the truth. So much for the baby steps!

Don't get married next time.

Thank you Dave this was the most beautiful advise that I've heard thank you for loving on him

Thank you Dave

Very good advice

So many guys are living in their cars after divorces. Divorce absolutely wrecks men.

I am also going though a divorce and hearing this clip gave me some sense of direction.

Told you joint checking recipe for robbery

I'm single with $15000 emergency fund, 60 acres of cashew farm in Africa, 100 livestock of cattle and in school to become a registered nurse. I'm also in the US Airforce now... every woman wants to marry me but I'm like Nope, not in America!!

Marriage is a bad deal for men don’t know why they still do it. #1 cause of divorce is marriage. Just think 18 years and lost everything this could be you.

As someone with lots of retirement plans and investments, I’m never getting married.

Good advice.

I have never been divorced 22 years married tilldeath do you part❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Should joint accounts still be recommended by Dave if this can happen? His wife took all his money, he had to move out and he still has to pay child support and alimony of about $1,000 per month- on $50,000 salary in California?? Wish we got more information on his wife like did she work, was this a no-fault divorce initiated by her, who is paying for the entire divorce?

I wonder why the insurance industry doesn't offer divorce insurance. It's such a problem you would think divorce insurance would be offered.

how low you feel right now don't make any decision man.

That’s was amazing advice Dave! I almost sold my house in the middle of divorce bc the value had gone up so much and was scared of not being able to afford. Renting out half of house and am ok. But this would’ve of been great advice if I had been open enough to hear it.

I’m hurting right now 20 years later she says she wants to find her true love, and I’m not it.

Thats solid advice from Dave, definitely slow is the fastest way to move forward.

Roll the 401 k into an annuity, so that you can avoid the fees in penalties! Or roll it over into a self directed IRA! Please don't cash it out and loose 40%. You can also roll it into real estate as well! Good luck!

I had the same as that guy, Never get married first, Don't share your savings, house or business with your partner / wife. Prenuptial agreements are a great thing but keep also control of what's your in a relationship. It saves you all this trouble!

Divorce is so gross

The big problem this guy will face after the fallout of this divorce is that no matter how much money he makes, his ex-wife, will probably go after as much money as she can get, thanks to the courts siding 90% of the time with the women. Guarenteed, her lawyer will continue to do an asset search on this guy.

Dave how do you stay positive when the journey, working and working, to get debt free gets exhausting?

I went to work Saturday and ended up in church. I cried the whole time.

This really helps

I lived overseas with my now ex wife for her military career. She one day wanted a divorce and I was thrown to the wolves by the military. Lost my job my home my car my belongings had to move into a place where I was unwanted while we dealt with the legal aspect. The allowed her to hold on to all my belongings til the divorce was finalized. I've been living out of a carryon for a year now. Dont get married!!

Thanks!

That was solid advice 👍🏻

Marriage is a noble thing but the consequences of divorce are so brutal. As a society we have built walls too high around us that results in cases like these.

Hope your doing ok.

This video is one of the reasons why I'm not married or dating. The problem is trust and it doesn't seem like any Western Woman can be trusted anymore.

FANTASTIC ADVICE! God bless that sweet caller!!! ❤️‍🩹

Good 💯❤️

Here’s what divorce is like, and as a man in 99% of most divorces can be very disruptive to financial stability, it’s not a temporary thing, it takes understanding from judges, lawyers, and the other partner to do what is reasonable for settlements, it shouldn’t be a one going saga either, when both husband and wife agree to a divorce, things should be just that to keep both parties on a straight track to continue on with their lives as normal as possible. But most isn’t the case, and courts, lawyers and judges don’t rightfully care about how much you have to give your ex spouse, sometimes it’s half of everything you own and half of your future income too, and that’s irresponsible to put a judgment against your future income not knowing what the future holds, and here’s my point, the process of divorce does scar some people for life, and they become mentally unstable and ill equipped to handle those stresses of meeting the bill. When that usually happens, both parties hurt. It’s like playing tic tac toe, no one wins, and ultimately the guy in this situation can find themselves in jail, until alimony is paid in full, or child support, the thing is this, divorces should be handled differently, it’s a divorce, and it shouldn’t be labeled as a crime against anyone, and it shouldn’t be a life sentence or a end all to either side of the family. Jail is for criminals, not for people who get divorced and just so happen to miss a payment on child support or alimony payments.

All about money. People get crazy for it.

Get a leather couch and throw it in the 1 bedroom? So he assumes this guy doesn't want custody of his children?

Don’t get married folks. Just listen, or you’ll learn

Why in the heck would he want get remarried Dave?!😡

Hi my divorce is final now My spouse and I put everything into her employers 401k the accounts are being divided now so what do I do with it its about a 100k Im getting

I just found my husband whom I brought to USA 2 years ago is cheating on me. Idk what to do 😢. I have a 2 year old boy with him. Where to even start.

As much as he sound sad like he cheated 18 years marriage and four kids. She took everything. She deserves everything... on the other hand Men should learn to secretly save money or don’t just give all yourself to the wife. Be smart. Don’t lead by the heart of love..

She took your savings, you keep the alimony support.

I’ll never get legally married again

Like the host. but the guest just lied. at around 1:57 he said his is 45yrs and makes 50 i assume that is 50k a year. at 5:30 he says he pays $1000 a month for everything for support. i might be wrong but thats $52k year. support is base off what you make. so the math does not add up. Now he very well might said a lower 50k amount in case in ex wife is watching. and does not want to let her the real amount. but this is good info i might be there soon.

And I’m over here getting married 🤦‍♂️

This is a repeat. Wonder how this guy is doing now.

He lives in California?

How did you keep your 401k ???? My wife took that too 😡😡😡

How did his wife manage to take ALL the savings?

Ah yes, the Devil of Divorce...