Where I've Been 

Man reading your comments made me tear up! Thank you for sharing your stories and being so kind ❤️ also I wanted to mention that I do see a therapist and have been going regularly for 3 years! She’s helped me figure a LOT of stuff out and has been great for me. Wishing you guys so much luck on your own journeys ❤️

“What a blessed life... God I’m depressed” MOOOOOOD. Also this pandemic has not helped anyone’s state of mental health. I’m not sure what may help you but what I personally do when I’m in that mood is just ride the wave. Cry if you need to (seriously crying helps to yeet the emotions from your body), take a hot shower, eat comfort food, stretch and take deep breaths, drink lots of water, and take lots of nature walks. I love to watch your channel and you’re always so funny and creative! Hope things are able to start looking up soon :)

Videos like these de-stigmatize emotional distress and help people to feel less alone and weird about their own traumas. Takes courage, takes sincerity. Good onya (apologies for possible misuse of slang)

On a completely different note: your outfits and make-up looks are on fire 🔥

She back! And she going through some stuff. Honestly, identifying cycles before they begin again is the first step of regaining your own power.

Hey I hope you’re feeling better don't worry you’re not alone and even if you’re feeling sad somedays remember that eventually it’ll go better and you'll be happier.

Hey Emma! I feel you so much, right now I'm in this very stressing point of my life (25 here) in which I feel like i should have more inplace than I do. Also learning to let go of certain persons and focusing on myself has been a very tough process, I will always be glad to watch your videos that you decide to put up for us. Hope you're better!

"god I'm depressed...." *bursts out laughing* relatable.

Also learning that those breakdowns are a part of growing as a human. It’s freaking messy and hard. As a kid I imagined adulthood would be like leveling up and up, but it’s more like a roller coaster with sometimes really low downs.

The whole period of my mid 20s to early 30s was just constant fear of getting left behind, not doing things in the proper order. But...then again you get older and just don't give a shit and do thing on your own timeline.

My mom warned me basically my whole life that turning 25 was going to be a big life stage shift and learning/breakdown space, and low and behold, SHE WAS SO RIGHGT! I had a major shift in life practices, goals, habits, and self understanding between about 25-26 and it was ROUGH. Girl, I completely see you having this transition and I just want you to know that it's tumultuous and dramatic and super hard day-to-day, but you WILL get through it and come out the other end knowing so much more about yourself, your journey, and how you want to live. Good luck as you weather this transitional time and know that the people around you who love you and and stick around through it are the ones who will see you through other transitions later on (hell, I'm 38 and still learning stuff about myself every year!). You are immensely talented and introspective, so just remember to think about what you need to change while also making a point to think about what you are already good at and can strengthen.

Well, a positive is your hair looks fabulous. As someone who has been down that awful depression road a few times, and pulled herself out of it, always look for a positive. Everyday I find one thing that makes me smile, no matter what it is. And, for me, being proactive about things on my find. Fixing what I can, when I can, and learning when to just let things go (easier said than done). But, Padre Pio said it best, "pray, hope, and don't worry."

Sometimes the hardest expectations to live up to, are our own.

I also had a breakdown since you last up loaeded, I was sectioned on a psych ward for 3 weeks. Everyday is a step in the right direction no matter what happens

I’m 53 and still learning about myself. So glad you are living in a world where therapy is now acceptable and you have good support xxx

3 minutes in and I'm like: 'Hey this has been me for like the past 3 years.' sad, empty, numb, trying to do things that normally make me happy and then realising it doesn't make me happy and then being sad again. (I need a new job lol)

Your red hair is 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥! Sending big hugs and healing vibes to you! Congrats to you, though, for realizing and breaking the cycle and taking steps to be the best Emma you can be! ❤

Hi Emma, I'm 29 and I'm having an extremely similar time in my life. Realising that patterns of behaviour are rooted in my traumas, and finding that it's overwhelming, the concept of healing myself into self-love. It's all daunting but it's the journey, isn't it! Sending best wishes and sincerely hope that we both flourish.

“What a blessed life… God I’m depressed” is the most relatable sentence ever…. Went through a pretty big depressive period few years ago, it was not fun to work through all my stuff, but I can say that today I’m feeling pretty good most of the time…even with all the virus things happening. So chin up Emma!!! You’ll get through this! It’s gonna be tiring, sometimes really hard, but it’s always worth it!!! Thank you for sharing this with us, and always be so real on your channel!

Hey Emma, I know you touched on this a bit during your streams, but I'm glad to see you are working through things. I had a trauma point from childhood that I basically crushed deep down for several decades until I had a breakdown myself. I think the most interesting thing during recovery was how emotionally ignorant I was about myself. It's like the basic of basics they were teaching me during therapy and I didn't know any of it. It felt like learning a foreign language and I really wondered why no one had taught me this stuff growing up. Anyway, really happy for you. Working on that stuff sucks, but is definitely worth it, as I'm sure you already know. I'll just join in with the "you're not alone" people who feel the same! Good luck on your journey.

I'm 32, and just went through the biggest life shift over 2020, and I'm now on the other side feeling whole and happy. Every step, every day is important and every ounce of work we do is important. I hope you get to your other side soon too, even if another bump pops up after, I hope you keep getting to your other sides. Your videos helped me through my rough patch, I'll often go back and re-watch old ones because your voice feels soothing in the background while I'm working. If you have given me this gift, I hope I can give you one back in the form of supporting your work and your journey. Thank you, so much! No matter what comes, I'll be a supporter of your channel in all the ways I can!

"what a blessed life. ....................... god im depressed." *manic laughter* Yeah, been there girl. Hang in there. I'll always watch your videos and support you in anyway I can

"I want to live in ignorance bliss but that's unhealthy" OH MAN I FELT THAT ONE. You made the right first step in figuring out patterns, now you have to do the grueling work of working them out. I wish you the best and you got this! Also, damn girl, your hair is FIRE.

The pandemic hasn't been kind to anyone but it's been even more trying for people with depression. You're super relatable and you're not alone. Also, you are killing it with the red. Such a fox.

A few points: 1) The hair looks great! 2) Unsolicited anecdote: I went through a similar event that came to a boiling point in 2019. It caused me to make some drastic and sweeping changes. It was terrifying, lonely, and exhausting, but totally worth it in the end. I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life even though I still feel tremors of some past events, but they're getting a lot easier to iron out now. 3) I'm glad you're doing well and look forward to seeing where you go from here (even if it ultimately is the end of your vlogging pressence.) Genuinely wishing you the best, Emma. Never stop looking forward.

You’ve brought so much joy to others and I hope we random strangers of the internet can return the favor. But whenever you’re ready. No pressure. Big virtual hugs 🤗 And, girl, that red hair is 🔥!!

I’m 30. I’m basically going through this same process. I reckon everyone goes through this at some point, whether they realise it or not. Keep your head up. Hope to see your next video real soon and keen for your next stream! :)

As someone who is also going through a time and stuff like this, it's nice to know I'm not alone

Just the fact you are sharing this journey means a lot to people dealing with the same stuff. It never gets easy but we get stronger each time we get through it.

From a fellow Aussie - You're a bloody champion. Hang in their kiddo!

I had a break down 2 months ago. Had to grieve the loss and all the messy stages, but I'm slowly reaching acceptance of the changes in my life. I hope your friends are supporting you, and know your internet family cares too! Much love! 🤗

My rule of thumb is, when someone is going through stuff but won't specify what that stuff is, I always come up with ideas of what they're going through, assume I'm correct, and respond accordingly. So on that note, I'm so sorry to hear that you adopted a stray gecko, named it Hildebrande, and fashioned a jacket for it out of 10,000-yen bills, only for Hildebrande to escape into the sewers and take roughly 500,000 yen with it (it was a VERY thick jacket!). It's quite unfortunate, too, that you decided to chase Hildebrande into the sewers in vain, only to encounter the nomadic Chikabaka people living beneath your feet, whom you were content to live with briefly until they force-fed you large quantities of dairy. You made your escape in the dead of night, but emerged in Sapporo somehow (the sewer system is a surprisingly convenient shortcut!) and had to hitchhike your way back, with each driver being progressively more implausible than the last, from a circus strongman to an actual baby (wired into an advanced AI). Worst of all, I'm sorry you forgot to film any of this, and also pledged a vow to the last hitchhiker that you would speak of none of this on camera for perpetuity... in exchange for your 500,000 yen back (turns out Hildebrande was actually her pet, though its real name was Hildevrande... you were SO CLOSE!). It's quite an incredible story, though. Too bad you aren't able to tell it. ...In all seriousness, whatever happened, I'm glad you were able to find out a bit more about yourself, and I hope you know that we all appreciate you and want the best for you. Few of us know you personally, of course, but we feel like we know you from your outstanding videos, and we definitely appreciate you for being you. Best of luck with the continued self-discovery, and do whatever you gotta do to find your happiness again!

Being alone means getting confronted with ourselves eventually, which isn't easy but can be a healing experience if we're willing to face our fears, allow grief for past trauma (Yes, your hurt is real!) and turn past anger into healthy boundaries. Also, the whole process is quite fascinating and helpful for further developing personal emotional intelligence.

Emma, you're always such a genuine, positive and all-round cool human being. I really appreciate you sharing this side of stuff, especially when it feels so personal - I'd like to think that being comfortable about showing it means you know you got this! I'm sending you all the vibes mate Also the hair is awesome, and that colour with the eyeshadow is just chef kiss

I'm just a stranger on the Internet thousands of miles away, but I think you're great. I'm sorry for your troubles.

Sounds more like a break through than a break down. Life is just one long journey with your best friend...you. And the red hair looks great on you!

This is definitely very relatable and something that I agree a lot of us are going through right now. There's been a lot of time, maybe too much time, to think about ourselves and the past lately, and it's definitely done both bad and good for me. I'm still trying to figure it all out, but it's comforting to know that so many people are going through the same. Sending you the best vibes Emma and everyone else going through it

What I have always found helpful is to bottle up my emotions and bury them deep inside my soul... so deep that I can pile all sorts of distractions on top. Then I just keep piling on more and more and more until I have forgotten what is truly important to me and I can just continue focusing on the trivial nothings that will ultimately lead to my untimely demise. That is chapter one of my self help guide. Stay tuned for more later!

I just turned 26 and over the last year I've finally started learning and accepting things about myself that I think I've always, in some part, known but found too depressing to truly acknowledge. It's always easier to pretend you're fine and normal until it eats too much of yourself away. So I think it's really brave of you to not only acknowledge this thing and the cycle you find yourself in, but commit to doing something about it! That's really amazing! I'm wishing you all the happiness and growth in the future.

I’m glad you took a break. It’s good for you. Now you’re ✨ g l o w i n g ✨ Your hair looks amazing btw ❤️

Emma, ​​thank you for sharing this learning journey with us. As someone who is trying to figure out how to react to certain things in life, this helps a lot. Hopefully you have peace knowing that you are doing what is necessary.

What you're doing here is hugely important. I'm currently recovering from a major breakdown in April and seeing others talk about mental health openly is incredibly helpful. I'm so sorry you're going through this but you're strong and will come out the other side.

I don’t really use the word “recovery” because mental health is a roller coaster. It’s about learning what works and building a tool kit. Boundaries are also really important. Take care lovely lady☺️

As someone who has struggled with depression for a long time, I know enough to know that no one knows how you feel but you. But we're pulling for you, and I hope you find some of the same joy that your channel brings to so many others.

Take care Emma - your comedic stuff is hilarious and you deserve all the happiness

Oh lord I have never identified more with you than your moment staring around you in comtemplation and saying "what a blessed life.. I'm so depressed!" and bursting into laughter. Me too hun. Me too hun.

Hope this msg gets to you. Thank you for sharing. I've been a fan since the video you did with your friend at the Japanese Love Hotels... And since then, I've been a fan. I just wanted to thank you, you may not think it, but your Videos have been therapeutic for me, I have some health issues, and I'm getting them addressed. I have been dealing with severe depression and anxiety as well as having other health issues that have been adding up... It's been hard NOT knowing whats causing panic attacks, and bouts with feeling alone, and almost like your in a body that is NO longer YOUR body. It's like I'm a passenger in my own body, and I've given the negativity the wheel... And Now it's driving us off a cliff ,until it gives me the control again. The point is , stay strong. Stay amazing, Because you are... Your a very unique soul, and because you have these traits, you are , will Always have a leg up on those who don't have the strength, the drive, the heart and soul... To get back on your feet... Your amazing. Thank you for everything you do .. I wish you luck on your journey called life. Keep your head up, keep kicking ass, and I'll be there supporting you and your channel as long as your still doing this.. your friend ... Tim

Such a kiwi and Australian thing to make humour out of shitty situations, you’ll get there Emma! Sending love from across the ditch 🇳🇿🇦🇺

Learning when to take breaks and put things into perspective is how we trully evolve as humans. Take your time to relax and enjoy the little things and figure out what's trully important to you :3 Glad to see that you are back Emma!

Thank you for sharing your story Emma! Really hope you feel better soon. It is so important to tackle these issues head on, you are an inspiration to us all.

Hey, I never usually comment on any videos of any kind but this one resonates with me as I'm at my lowest point in life right now myself. Whatever is wrong in you're life right now please know it is just a phase of life you have to overcome with care and perseverance. All the best. PS I love the videos

Those riverside visuals of the trains and cars, with that weird town bell music really capture *that* feeling. All the best to you, Emma. Transitions are fucking hard. On the plus side, guitar oven sounds keen to offer support ;)

There is nothing more complicated than dealing with feelings of depression. However, one thing I will say is I really look forward to your videos. I'm sure there are more people here that feel the same but you brighten my day with your content.

I feel you! I'm about to turn thirty, in my last few semester's of college, no love life and living at home with family. The struggle sometimes. just think you have over came every single bad day thus far. You are killing it. You are so funny, down to earth and very relatable. A fan for life here. :)

Even on medicine, I had my first huge breakdown a few days ago. So glad for my family to help me through it. Love your hair color. It really looks great on you. I pray that you keep growing and keep understanding on how to get better. A therapist is invaluable. Keep going if you can!!! Love ya!!!

I like the fact that you are so openly honest about what is going on in your mind, many of us hate to admit it and even refuse to deal with it until it destroys everything. It is amazing that whatever is going on in your life has not negatively impacted your creativity. Your video was so beautifully shot, framed, narrated and edited that it would have no difficulty being part of an art house exhibition at a gallery. No matter where you are in your journey your viewers are here for you. I look forward to your next video as always. Tc.

You know, ive had the same depression and anxiety building over the last year and...the funk is real. The breakdown is real. We all have to find ourselves and figure out who we are. Not who we were. You are not alone. I dont know what's going on of course but facing the breakdown is a win. Don't forget that. 💜

I’m proud of you for dealing with this painful journey. I waited 50 years to face my own traumas. It was a long time to continue on this cycle. Breaking it while you’re young is SO IMPORTANT. I appreciate you and your honesty. The red hair is gorgeous!

man i have depression too so seeing this i can strongly relate. Everything takes time but u can get past it. Stay strong and never give up!

Speaking as an Old Person who has been through my fair share of breakdowns over 51 long years, you will get through this part of your journey and come out better on the other side! It’s all part of figuring yourself out and learning to be you. Also, your hair is super cute. 😃 You got this, Emma. 👍

dude, the fact they came up and you dealt with those feelings whwn you realised them was amazingly brave, coragous and a massive win/,investment for future you. and to do that in a country renound for "just be more happy" is testimate to your stregnth and tenasity.

Thanks for sharing this. I've hit a super weird point in my life myself where I've started to connect dots going backwards to something traumatic that happened to me and figuring out how that correlates to how I act around certain triggers or moods I end up in. It's helpful to know other people go through similar garbage sometimes. Thanks again for the video and being open about this stuff. I hope you have a nice week. :)

How awesome that you are being brave to take care of your mental health and dealing with tough issues so that you can heal and come out a healthier version of you. I can't support this journey enough and can totally empathize knowing I went through something very similar in my 30s. I also want to add that you looked absolutely gorgeous being real and vulnerable and every outfit was beautiful and dang that hair color is fire!! It fits you so well and looks like you were born with that color.

Emma you'll get through this I know you will. When ever I'm feeling down I just put on one of your videos and the lovely tone to them always makes me feel so much better. I wish I had videos for you to watch and make you feel better. PS one the new hair colour very beautiful and love the black dress with those knife earrings you look amazing !!!!

I hope everything is okay ❤ it seems so easy to bottle everything up, but the bottle is only so big so eventually stuff comes out. Usually at the worst time too. I can sympathize with how you feel, the past few years have been very hard for me. I've just been trying to plug away every day and hope that things will get better.

God I felt this! I’ve been (am still) where you are! Thankyou for sharing this part of your journey, you’re amazing 💙

Glad to see you're back. During the break I've been rewatching (or in some cases first time watching) all of your old content in order. It's hugely inspirational hearing your candidness to the camera. In this media jungle of pretenders it is so refreshing to have someone who is real so we can recalibrate. Thank you for continuing to do what you do on this channel.

DAAAMMMN THAT RED HAIR IS 🔥🔥🔥🔥 Emma gurl you are fine 👏👏 you are stunning!

Think the new hair was an indicator that your journey had started - there is a Coco Chanel quote - a woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life ( or similar). Keep travelling the path and you’ll get there. Wishing you all the best xx

I was ultra depressed most of my life and then I hit my 30’s and something changed.. I started to like myself. I did go to to therapy, went through many learning experiences, my career is secure/amazing, diet changes, etc.. there’s a huge gut-brain connection.. healthy gut equals healthy body and mind. 🥰

Thank you for talking about your journey! Wishing you all the best along the way. I'm praying for you!

Just a reminder to everybody that, if your feeling off, you should see a professional! When we're at our worst is precisely when we shouldn't be diagnosing what's happening to ourselves! Your future self will thank you!

I just want to hug you Emma. It sounds so much like the late 20's existential crisis.... I personally coped really badly with conforming to society and adulthood. During my youth, I was always a critical thinker and a rebel; strong, independent, philosophical and artistic. But after some very severe traumas in early adulthood I was lost for a veeeery long time. I started to listen to what other people were saying. Started to live according to other peoples ideals. I lost my independence. I studied hard, got a well-paid job, worked late hours. My ex. wife cheered me on to do so, as we were on an up-going path to "success" (according to society)... and the thing was, I was slowly growing unhappier.... I never wanted kids... she knew, but I was told by my her and even my closest surroundings that I "just wasn't ready yet", which was of course, untrue (I love kids, I just don't want to live a life of parenthood). We married, started to live an expensive life style, always buying/upgrading status items (apartment, car, household items... like one should in western society)... when she later really pushed for kids, I couldn't do it anymore, I had drifted so far away from the person I was, so far away from my core values that I one day didn't recognize myself anymore. It all of that boiled down to a mid-life crisis. We had to divorce because our ideals were so different and it took me a couple of years for me to get back up on my feet... and eventually I did... This led me to a life of freedom. Today I basically only buy food... I live in a tiny studio apartment with minimal expenses.... I have no worries, one month of work will offer me 6 months of freedom. Nowadays I have time to be with the people I love, I have no income but I have time to do what I love (developing video games). It is such a stark contrast to the hectic western life I led. But I am happy now, I am glad that I faced my past, that I had the courage to question everything that I had become during those awful years in my 20's. I don't know what you are going though... But I can only say that every person struggles through life. either knowingly or unknowingly. You being so honest about this and listening to your own voice tells me that you are on a great path. The journey can be rough, but I know you will make it through!

Oh Emmaaa, I am feeling all the mixed emotions, currently in a very similar situation as I've always been circling by working myself to exhaustion to push what is really bothering me aside. Recently I've been forced by my own body to take a break and chill out after so many years. Also I was able to binge your old videos during this time and as someone whose plans to come back to Japan were cancelled by covid I can't express how precious it is to see Tokyo & other places through your lense. You are extremely relatable for (surely not only!) me which is another thing that certainly helps, to know one is not alone with their struggles. I'm sure you'll be able to figure out whatever needs to be figured out with time. Your videos got me out of my funk many times, even if just for a little. So I hope reading some encouragementsy comments might cheer you up too. Be kind to yourself

I’m going through this also (introspection from COVID lockdown isolation making me realize how much past trauma is affecting my daily life) along with a sort of existential crisis since I am planning to live in Japan at some point (I’m in the US) and I’m realizing how difficult that will be but I guess I’ll see where life takes me. I’ve been in college for Japanese and Asian studies but had to take a leave of absence because of COVID/depression last fall, and coming back this fall. I should be going to Japan for study abroad next year if school keeps working out for me. Thanks for sharing your struggle, a lot of vlogs make expats look like they’re living their best life all the time

"I want to live in ignorance bliss but that's unhealthy" OMG I AM FEEEEEELIN THAT ONEEEEEE

27 here, have no idea what the F I'm doing, if I'm happy, is this the career I want, the life I want. Bit of a wakeup call seeing myself in the mirror (your video) but as you say, it's life. Take the time to learn what's best for you, what make's you happy and work on being the best person that you are. You've got this. Also you're right, the microwave jingle is amazing

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time, your videos have always made me happy and added inspiration to my day. My dad likes to say "You don't think your way to better acting, you act your way to better thinking." Such a dad phrase, but remembering it has always helped me when I've been in a bad place. Hope it helps! Also physical exercise is a great physical override for depression & anxiety. Good luck & hope you are feeling better soon!

You're awesome and brave and real and just fabulous. Keep taking care of you! We'll be here when you're ready, but you comes first! 🌱🌻

The outfits with the new hair tho! Sucks you’re having a bad time, but you are looking good through it! :)

I’m so glad the dark cloud has slightly passed, even though the darkness lingers you made it out the other side! Take your time coming back and know we all love you and can’t wait to see you back at your best! Remember the strongest people have that can of worms. Sending you so much love! ❤️ Ps. The sofa set up with the plants was KILLA x

Emma, I feel you so much, I've been there and it sucks. BUT self discovery and learning more about yourself and why you have felt certain ways, or acted certain ways etc is so interesting and helpful, and in a way a little bit fun? I've had several pretty severe mental breakdowns through my life, and have struggled with long term mental health issues since I was a child, and only in recent years have discovered something about myself that explains a lot of the struggles I've encountered through my life, and that thing has also exacerbated already difficult or traumatizing situations. I've learned to take things slowly, and really truly listen to my mind and body, but its still a work in progress, yknow? I'm sure you will get there, and as you said, these things are a journey. I hope that the rest of your journey isn't as tough as it may seem at these early stages, and I know you have a lot of lovely and supportive people there for you. Don't push yourself too hard with the videos, just do what feels right :) sending love!

Hey Emma, firstly thanks for sharing your feelings so candidly. Externalising and/or addressing your issue/s is a great step forward to unravelling pent up anxiety etc. Recognising and being insightful about what triggers your bouts of depression is (ironically) positive. I agree, Life's a journey - a continual rollercoaster of emotions. It can be scary, sometimes lonely, but also truly wonderful. Reaching out to someone you can trust whether it be a friend or a professional is key. Be gentle on yourself x

Storms make trees take deeper roots ~ Dolly Parton Don’t worry, Emma. This too shall pass and you’ll be stronger for it. ♥️✝️

I’m not doing well. But this made me feel less alone.

I agree that unresolved issues tend to pop up and can be destabilizing for everyone - that we can think of it as a stage in life. But even so, a lot of people aren't willing to confront those things. As shitty as it may feel at times, it’s truly wonderful that you not only have the introspection to connect those dots, but you also have the will to challenge them. Hang in there! Even if this is a thing you mostly need to handle yourself, you’re not alone. Wishing you the best!

I needed this video. Thanks for posting. I’ve been processing some stuff too. The willingness to process is often half the battle. “Keep your stick on the ice.”

Nothing like a good old quarter life crisis. As I get older they come every few month now. Life is a continuous up and down. Stay strong!

Everyone has breakdowns. Eventually you get over them. Personally, my mom died three years ago, and I spiraled hard. Fortunately I came around. It took a lot of time and therapy. Always focus on your mental health and know life has ebbs and flows.

Watching this made me start to cry a little because I have been going through a very rough time myself. I don't know what your going through but I think I understand how your feeling. I can see the same emotions I feel in you. I'm 28 and just now understand so much more about myself and my past and how it affects me and my relationships with others. We all have a long journey ahead of us as you said but just know others feel the same way and there are always people there to help when things seem dark. I hope you do what's best for you and you come out of this stronger then before!

I so relate to the part where you talked about being comfortable in the loop of hurting yourself to the point where you forget that you could come of out it.

God I’ve missed these videos. Hope you are doing okay!

Late 20's is like that, emotionally messy as all hell! There's a reason its called 'second pubity'! But its amazing to overcome, and then you get to look forward to the hangover hell of the 30's!!! yayayayayayay

I only recently discovered your channel, and have been thoroughly enjoying all of your content. I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles, but the struggle will get easier, and you will only be better for it! Just know you have a lot of people sending good vibes your way!

Thank you for sharing this! Life is a journey and it is healthy to feel all the things. Sometimes a struggle and taking a break is not bad. Finding and talking to a therapist is great and can help a lot. When I started to go through my own similar struggle, I felt alone but it helped and still helps now to know and see others who are here and doing the work. Thank you for showing up and giving light to something personal.

We’re you been? On twitch streaming

I don’t know what you’re going through but just know that you’re not alone! Personally I experienced trauma when I was younger from coming out and it use to be something that would control my everyday actions and it was something I would think about a lot. I personally came over a lot of these things when I realized that these things weren’t affecting me anymore and the only thing hurting me still was myself… if that make sense. I’ve been slowly unraveling my feelings and actions and picking away at myself to figure out what causes me to do things like have trust issues and etc. I’m not saying you should do exactly what I did because obviously your experience isn’t the same as mine but I say all of this to hopefully be helpful and show that you’re not alone. My best suggestion is do what feels right and remember that you’re making progress everyday even if it doesn’t feel like it. :)

Your honesty with your mental health is super super helpful to me and probably others whom have struggled with depression. I get what you’re saying: I haven’t felt real joy in years but I’ve had a few changes where there is hope. I’m in the middle of the journey too…

Thank you for sharing this and being so honest. I'm sorry you've had some past trauma, but I'm glad you are talking about it as I feel a lot of stuff on social media only shows the good side, and it's something that a lot of people go through and are told not to talk about it, or to move on or that it could have been worse. Take the time you need, we'll be here. I'll enjoy watching some of your old videos in the meantime. Sending you love and strength. Xx

I'm a 48 year old and was worried about your generation, till I found all you RU-vid kids in Japan. Not worried about having a breakdown, we all have, but is more about knowing how to dealing with them in a healthy way. You may not be doing great now, but you'll be better than ever on the other side. Very proud of you 👏.