Why Narcissists DON'T like being at Home? 

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When they are home they’re suddenly so tired and nap for hours. They will always find a way to disconnect from family.

They are always running… mostly from themselves and their own toxicity.

I thought I was the only one who noticed this. And if they are at home they’re talking to people on their phone…..how do you expect to self-reflect if your never by yourself?!

They will go anywhere they can get attention.

Shopping, phone calls, creating situations to make others fight.

Avoid intimacy in the family. Watch tv or remove themselves from the room. Avoid spending time with family and escape to who knows where.

I used to say that my ex-husband was like a shark. If he stopped moving, he would die. Lol 😂. Always out and about. Always looking for validation and praise.

Wow! You NAILED it! My narcissistic ex had to be surrounded by peoole ALL THE TIME! It was EXHAUSTING! I never understood narcissism until I had filed for divorce and my therapist educated me about narcissism. He always had to have an audience!

Dang this is so true. The only time they like to be home is when they throw a party and can show off.

They see their homes as their prisons - The ex narc I knew told me it was his prison & he hated being alone their with his thoughts... He always needed friends / people round... He needed constant company or he would have a meltdown 😮

Mine literally told me in the honeymoon stage that he didn’t like being at home so he would purposely stop at the coffee shop no matter what everyday instead of going home, because if he was home he just thought about things too much and it made him depressed… I wish I knew what narcissism was back then.

A common big red flag is someone claiming they need to be at your place because they don’t like being alone. They’ll say this even if they don’t live alone

They need distractions to keep up their false self to the outside world. They are constantly fighting collapsing. They then find hobbies outside and make new friends, looking for new adventures. They suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out) They hate reality.

When our son was young, he said dad treats the house like a drive thru at a restaurant. He also said that dad is tripolar,he’s either mad,sad or (if money’s involved)glad.

While at home they sleep or act as sleeping to escape from the responsibilities of the household and also to protect their mask from falling off staying hours at home

Some of them act as though they have such a busy life, and have so much going on, truth is, they get bored & are busy doing nothing, so look for ways to place themselves in other ppls business, on the phone gossiping about everybody, starting confusion between ppl, trying to trangulate ppl and be messy or thinking of ways to manipulate those around them...Just being troublemakers, throwing stones and hiding and acting innocent

I understand the ground rule If someone hates stability he or she is pure narcissist. Stability make them go crazy because the only thing which gives them power is drama n chaos 🤔 the craving of emotional high n low is their fav thing. If u want to live peacefully, Stay away from this type of people, period !!!

Couldn’t be me. I love being alone and having peace.❤

Workaholics. Busybodies. Seemingly ubiquitous. I prefer staying home rather than running into one of the many narcs or flying monkeys around the neighborhood.

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

It took me years to figure out why my ex didn't want to spend time with me! I was his partner, but he was always gone...out and about...he went from his work, to a friend, to our house ( for an hour) to his band, to another friend, going out till late at night...from party to party. He literally was never there for me while I stayed at home alone. If felt so lonely!!! All my friends had partners with whom they spend time...mine always seemed to be more interested in every body else, but me. Especially if people were "new". I figured out a year ago that he was a narc, overt type, very " social", constant need for attention. I'm so glad he's gone!

I'm old now, but free from narcissistic chains. My mother was a narcissist and so was my sister. My mean sister followed everywhere I went and caused me embarrassment and was also violent towards me. She killed herself last November. I ha e not shed one tear! Been in counseling and watching lots of viedeos like this. Am finally free and living my best life!

The accuracy is consistently astounding...

I wouldn't say childlike. Childlike adults hv an innocence to them, curiosity, naive. I call narcs childish big difference..

My ex-narc bf used to chastise me for liking to stay home. His house was a disaster,

I can sadly relate to this. Cheating in different cities, juggling multiple supplies and the quest to control and dominate in every space he entered had my ex asleep on the couch in minutes while i continued to parent and nurture and cook for him and our 6 children. Our children never got the quality time they needed with him yet he showed the world a different father in puplic. At home he would either be on a high, rage, sleep or be so low and seem deeply depressed. Manic reactions had us unsure how each day would play out. The betrayals are unforgivable but the lack of compassion and empathy he showed and still shows me and his children makes me wonder if he's even human.

My husband was gone on Saturdays from day one when I got up and was out riding a motor scooter with a friend while I cleaned the house, went to the laundry mat and ironed clothes and went to the grocery store and had his supper waiting when he finally came home only to want to visit his family and he acted like I didn’t exist. I thought until now that he was the only person that did this. This pattern continued until he died after twenty nine horrible years. He would rather be with anyone besides me. He wouldn’t go anywhere that I asked him to go but played golf and then rode around with his buddies afterwards. He played golf all day when I was in the hospital with our second child and came to see us at 5:30 in the evening. That is what he used the day for that he was given off for the baby being born. One Thanksgiving when we ate with his sister she told us to go ahead and eat and she would be there in a few minutes. His brother in law passed him the food and he put the bowls down and would not pass me the food and they sat there eating and ignoring me. When I was poisoned and bent over with pain, he told me to go out on the back porch the next time if I was going to do that. And no one has all day to hear the rest. God help us all.

Karma never skips an address. 🤨

Mirroring only to fool people, to make you comfortable, seem like a perfect match! Wow.

My ex narcissist always goes to business networking events and loves to be with business people giving her praise and small talk and purposely makes herself busy.

Most of the narc personality people they will waste others time, money and drain energy

Both the narcs in my life had mini mental breakdowns during the pandemic. It was quite interesting. They didn't cope well without going out and distracting themselves.

They multiply the opportunities to get out of the house: volunteering, sport, hobbies they can't share with their spouse such as amateur theatre, answering all the invitations, always having something to celebrate in their professional environment, or taking part in loads of training courses to improve their professional skills - any opportunity is good to get out of the house. Even on the day of the week when their child doesn't go to school, they find a way to spend it with them outside, rather than at home. My narc (who is not my partner but just a member of the family) inflicts all this on her husband. ,

She has always liked to go, go, go. Now I see the connection to her narcissism. And of course, she manages to insinuate that I'm lazy for not keeping up with her. Thanks.

Bingo. My ex drank energy drinks throughout the day, every day, to fuel his need to go go go. His favorite distractions are going to bars and going to Vegas. He is not a gambler, but Vegas has booze and large crowds- his happy zone. The pandemic really fueled his anger as his movement was affected, but as soon as bars allowed people back in, he was there, sitting with total strangers . He ended up getting Covid twice, and was seriously ill both times. He makes terrible choices because he needs constant attention and distraction.

They don’t want to be there in case there’s something that needs to be taken care of, they are masters at evading responsibility. Seems like home is just a landing pad to rest and eat, bath and get clean clothing then spend as much time away as possible. Oh yeah and to criticize if things aren’t up to their standards.

Listening music too much and loud is also a red flag. I mean my ex was listening music every where, at home, in car while taking shower... I think this also stimulates some part of their brain. Loud music gives them the sensations they need..

My Toxic ex liked being at home! I wish he would have left !! He liked turning the music up loud when I would come home from work. I wanted quietness!! He would have the house to himself until 5pm or 6pm. I am so happy to be able to come home to a quiet home!

My ex narc husband would NOT stay home at night. If I didn’t go out with him, he would go to the same bar EVERY night. He already had his “new supply” lined up! That’s one of the reasons he is an ex!!

This is soooo true!! They need constant distractions from their lives, oh gosh I wish I knew this years ago.

Just got home from work and husband is out running errands all day (this is typical) while our teen was home with no company. Yet he continually complains that he feels like his son doesn't like him. This video couldn't be more perfectly timed.

Ultimately our home is an extention of ourselves and the narc is a cold, empty person inside and hate to see it reflected in their home. They do hate themselves.

Both narcs in my life were homebodies. Both constantly on their computers/phones

The narcissist I knew never wanted to leave the house, because that would mean being separated from his computer. He was on chats day and night, that was his supply source.

Phew! That's my Mom...! Every morning she would be out and about, meeting neighbours, bringing stories and generally running herself to the ground literally as her age and health gave up on her! At her age, she should have been able to slow down and enjoy her golden years...not her! Now she is in a very difficult state, house bound and it's become a daily nightmare for her, as my narc brother and enabler father are all under the same roof... And the house has become a prison for all three!!! Thanks Danish for mentioning ADHD...yes, I am with that condition and it's so true I have had this condition trying to survive in my toxic family and processing everything from a young age, I think ADHD is what I developed to cope..it has been my survival mechanism...

Wishing you a Happy Easter Danish. You're such a blessing to many of us who are just learning about narcissists and how to deal with them!

Wow..thank you for this video. My ex narc was like this. If he was at home he would constantly be on his phone 10/12 hours, movie on not really interacting with me or laying in bed all day sleeping ignoring any and all responsibility or real interactions. And he loved to just go with no real plan, just run all day. It was exhausting.

Mine never stayed home. I thought it was to avoid having to do anything.

My experience is, I wish they would leave. I return from work overnight shift, and they call in sick to play video games, watch tv, or talk on social media. I had two roommates who were like this, and I hated it. I got out of that situation by the skin of my teeth. I Dissolved the landlords contract and left. The whole partnership collapsed. They didn't want to work, one was too lazy to walk to work, wrecked the other roommates car. The other roommate was passed out from excessive drinking, and kept insisting he was going to start job training in another week. It never happened and after two months I realized both of them were unemployable. One due to alcoholism/debt collectors after him, and the other with a violent temper only outmatched by his laziness. Good bye to all that.

YESSSSSSS absolutely 😂 I used to tell my Exiting Narcissist husband he & his crazy family have “THE SPIRIT OF DISCONTENTMENT”. He exhausted us with constant crap 💩 trips- we could not afford anyway

Narcissists are the devil’s children and empaths are Gods children, it’s a battle of good or evil, they cannot be in the middle, they can’t stand themselves, who wants to be with them

Will sleep all day if they have to stay home.

Great info. It’s taken me a long time to figure this all out. It’s like something seems off but you can’t put your finger on it. If it doesn’t add up, I subtract myself.

I love this, i'm glad you made it because my narc mum is almost 60 and i told her how she is always traveling and overworking herself, she threw a tantrum(rage) about how my opinion is wrong. The funny thing is she always complains how tired she is her body hurts yet she thinks i'm wrong. I don't care at this point, as long i'm enjoying my peace at home.

My narc inlaws are always vacationing. 70+ years old driving at breakneck speed across the country. I notice they also go on these vacays around big events they aren't invited to (xmas, the kids birthdays, etc). We were a huge source of supply but once we established strong boundaries they had to seek it somewhere. My husband asked " they never vacationed this much before. Wtf is going on." We stopped giving them endless supply and they literally don't know what to do with themselves. It's hard to watch them spin out but oh well

My mum, shes always on the move and she organizes everybody around her as well. So exhausting. Im more than happy to be out from her sphere of reach and influence.

Just want to thank everyone in comments for leaving their stories, helps me understand more why my boyfriend of 14 years does the things he does and confirms him to be a Narcissist. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You

I was wondering why they just do not want to be at home. It's like they feel there's something wrong with just being there. However that was in the time before electronic devices. I did notice it though in the excessive indulgence in television/ movies before computers and phones. "Going out there" may not be physically leaving the house in these times--that is accomplished by not being present because they engage in their phones or devices. While physically they are at home, mentally they are elsewhere. There is no "emotionally" to even consider.

It's true they don't like to be at home

This explains a lot why I feel uneast when men in my neighborhood just seem to like to run the streets! It's because most of them are narcs and really hate and despise being at home. For sure, they hate me and tend to wonder why I'm at home so much bc they can't control me or strike a convo with me 😂

This information sounds sooo nutso to non-narc. I didn't see it like this at all but having had a personal experience with one this rings very true. Very! Always needing to be out - center of attention - never having money - can't be alone. It's very very sad stuff. Just glad I got out when I did.

My ex mood switched from good to aggressive and negative the second he got home. Instead of greeting us, he found intantly things to complain and get mad about. Then he had a shower and vanished with his food into the bedroom to watch a movie.

When my Narcisse husband is home he can't set still has to go to store every Saturday and Sunday saying he forgot something or just don't bring anything home

One of mine refused to take any suggestions for spending time out with me. They weren't a partner. They, immediately after my idea, found someone else to do those things with. The next few years was a parade of their fast friends, one at a time, that came and went. I was asked over, there were no more of those great pals now. The devaluation intensified for me and mine. I amaze myself with how I played into their hands. 😢

Its easy to noticed that they cant be there cuz there is peace and they need to stay distracted or be doing something because they cant stand the thirst for supply.

The one I knew --- met online ( friends NO BENEFITS!!!) seemed to ALWAYS be on the move. Rain, snow, whatever --- always needed to be out. Now I get it! Very helpful Danish! Thank you

I feel so disrupted destabilized and unbalanced in life because of all the psychopathic people targeting me a lot. I feel like there is an invisible cord that makes me think really negative thoughts whenever I'm in their presence. Does anybody else experience this? I'm a SURVIVOR from many different narcissists in the world, even if I didnt have relationship. I have ADHD Alot in life that makes it difficult to focus or concentrate on what is important to me, and it sucks, but I am very compassion, and empathic.

I have never understood all my ex bosses who seemed to be sacrificial to their work, coming over earlier than everyone else, going home later, etc then i thought oh they probably have bad relationships with their family members so they dont want to stay at home, which is probably also true but actually they love to start their bully/intimidating workplace life earlier for them to get supply😮amazing!

Have you ever think about the fact that all of “narcissistic people” have at least one mental disorder and they don’t perceive the world in the same way a “normal person” does. All of you professionals who study narcissistic behavior, how come you never say that? Few weeks ago I found out my dad was a covert narcissist, I always defended him but when I stopped doing that he started to avoid me. Same thing happened with mom years ago, but I’m okay with it I realize they obviously have some mental issues and I’m fine with it. We all need to learn how to be stronger and understand that these people don’t have the mental capacity to understand certain things and that’s okay as long as they leave us alone who cares. I think they were sent into our lives to teach us to become stronger and to learn how to use boundaries to our advantage. I did suffer for years because I didn’t know if something was wrong with me it did take me a long time to realize what was going on but when you do that you become so strong and they become so afraid of you they just run away.

A perfect description of my friend. He must work 2 jobs. Works 7days a week morning to night. He cannot tolerate being alone with his own thoughts or he wants to do drugs and feels suicidal. And he loves making the money.

Oh my word! Thank you, Danish, for everything you are doing to try to help NARC abuse survivors like me. Every time I watch 1 of your videos it's as if you've been a fly on the walls of my childhood. This explains why my mother tried to get me to get out of the house and run errands with her EVERY day when I lived nearby. I had NO idea at the time that I was dealing with a narcissist because as I've now learned, I'd been her golden child. I had 4 small children and just wanted to stay home and take care of my babies. I did not want or even need to run errands, but she wanted to insist that I get all my babies ready and get out of the house to go with her to run HER errands. She even shamed me because there were so many times that by the time I got everyone fed and ready, it was time for at least 1 of them to go down for a nap and I'd tell her we couldn't go with her. My youngest child is now 28, but I can still hear her telling me, "you need to get your act together. I don't know how you think you're ever going to be able to accomplish anything if you can't even get your kids all ready to come go somewhere with me." I'm turning 54 today and it's only in the last year and a half since I've been stuck at home on a medical leave, communicating more with my sister, and doing a ton of reflecting on my life, that I've discovered that my mother is a covert narcissist. And I'm finally seeing the 1st 50 years of my life with true perspective, as well as learning from therapists like yourself how to not be sucked into her web in the future, but live freely and unashamed. I only pray that I didn't continue that cycle of maternal abuse with my own children because I came to this realization all too late with all my children already grown. But I've talked to each one and they assure me that I never made them feel the way they saw their grandmother make me feel. So I have hope.

I always said that he used the home as a truck stop

He used to blatantly tell me that his favourite place was at sea. Being home was uncomfortable because when he was home, he wasn't earning any money but that did nothing for my emotional security. He chose to work on the other side of the world...he didn't care about being with me at all. 😢

Keep away if you can. If you can't emotionally detach. Do not react to anything they do or say.

My narc father was a "respected businessman" and never home. I was feeling sorry for him that he had to work so hard. Turned out that he had multiple women in many towns and busy screwing around and driving his company to debt. He didn't close the company though, just kept driving it to more debt cause he wanted to remain in power. Power gave him a massive amount of women.

I have noticed in the workplace that narcissists want everyone in the office. They complain of being bored and unstimulated at home. They have enough arrogance to believe everyone should spend their own time and money to commute to an office for them. I don't see these people do real work. They walk around bothering everyone while contributing nothing.

Definitely describes my "husband"

I’ve been helping a girl who was raised narcistic. I knew her mother and she would never stay home. She would drag her kids around all day. I never understood how she could tire her 3 girls out. Putting her kids to bed at midnight is hard on kids who go to school. 2 of her daughters went on drugs and prostitution. The eldest is with me. I let her live with me since she was 20 yrs. she is now 40 and she is scarred by her narcistic mom. Today she heard your video with me and she cried and there was healing. You are the first person teaching in this subject that I really felt. You have been thru it! I can feel you exposing these damaged ppl. So many read the book on narcistic ways but you experienced it. Im a monkey in the middle. I had 25 yrs of fighting for her daughters but only one came thru to victory. Thank you im going to view all your videos! God bless you. I hope you have all kinds of love now. ❤😊

This is SO true!! I've never seen anyone touch on this fact before!!

Hello from Florida! Keep doing amazing work!! Thank you! Happy Easter 🩵💛💜

Let the healing begin and continue! Thank you, Danish.

Yup. My covert fragile with malignant tendencies mother sits at home for the last 40 years "making art" or playing video games (iPad or Xbox ONE X) while my father would get up, feed HER sheep, go to work, do the grocery shopping on the way home, get home unload the groceries, make dinner, and do the dishes. She hates dealing with the outside world and the only "help around the house" she ever did was to vacuum every day and then *RAGE* at anyone who makes a crumb on *HER* SPOTLESS FLOOR... I had to watch my 70 year old father crawling around on his hands and knees picking up tiny bits of straw he "tracked in after feeding *HER* sheep"...... He passed away this last February 28th.... he was only 76, but like in illegal horse races... she "rode him into the ground" . Im thankful he is finally free of her, and will have much more opportunities to really live next life.... Im glad he "escaped early" as his family tends to be "long lived" and usually make it into their 90's... he died of autoimmune condition.... at first he lost his hearing 20 years ago... I don't blame his body, I hate having to listen to her cruel words as well..... then in the last 10 years he lost the ability to speak and swallow correctly.... 40 years of her not letting him speak his feelings or needs, and his body finally ended his suffering by slowly starving itself to death as he got to the point where he choked whenever he tried to eat..... It was actually one of YOUR videos that made me see the TRUE cause of my father's autoimmune conditions... I had been researching for years... then discovered it was simply my MOTHER that had triggered it... then he passed 2 weeks later... I think the universe wanted me to know that before he passed... as I ALSO am struggling to live with multiple autoimmune conditions myself. Now I know autoimmune can be triggered by the mind's desire to end one's suffering when one has no other way to escape.

So true, my former husband was always on a journey for something new and different. I was more homebound, looking for a perfect Family life. Unfortunately, my marriage broke after 13 years. It was a terrible experience of my life. 😢

So true ! All you say happens ! Was I in such a textbook situation ??? My God...

Danish, best description I've heard. I need to replay to sink in my brain. Regarding the part on ADHD/Extrovert being the need for supply & attention & not what we are led to think.

Thanks for mentioning the narcissist who stays home while you take care of everything "out there.". That was my ex-husband.

This exactly is my husband and his neverending activities: gym, box, golf, tennis, football fan, sauna, massages... and I am the one home alone with our kids... the one who waits for him to give me his minimum of attention feeling not valued enough, like really invisible for him. This year really has been a huge awakening for me in many aspects as I discovered the narcisstics behavior and their toxic manners. At least I stopped to constantly blame myself for everything... It is not easy to leave for me at the moment but I feel stronger only to know about this topic. Thank you so much, Danish for your precious work!

Yes can u also explain how a spoilt brat becomes a narcissist. When they are treated so well at home..

Have to be distracted all the time.

I know 3 narcs my father, me ex husband and ex bf and yes they all disappear and found to be cheating glowing and gloating from attention. Only occasionally helping in house then sleeping and being lazy rest of the time exhausted from their adventures at your expense doing everything fir them meanwhile.

Always so restless

The part about still liking the person because they are a mirror of you to manipulate you really opened my eyes about some people I am around, I now know why it’s been so hard to cut them off, I have a lot of empathy to a fault really, and they pretend to reciprocate it and I realize everything they said to me was just to keep me from cutting them off. I needed them as a friend or to confided in them some personal stuff all for it to be used against me ah I’m stressing just typing this, screw these type of people

Once again, there’s so much take-home in your videos. I always learn SO much and feel so validated. Danish, you are AMAZING.

Oh yes - out from daylight to dark, constantly on the search for supply. They also don’t share anything pleasant in their lives by phone or text just for the pleasure of sharing. They just brag in person when they see you. If you text them to share something they send back the most inappropriate responses.

I know someone like this. He stays busy by constantly working, or doing projects for other people. If someone says 'no' to him 'helping them', he can't stand it. He hides behind a religious mask, and insists others are rejecting him if they don't want to do what he wants them to do. He lies, and twists the truth to blame others, especially those he knows have emotional weaknesses. Unfortunately this person is a part of my family. Setting boundaries is a challenge when other family members are involved. He can be incredibly charismatic, and fun to be around for a visit, but then turns into a monster if you don't do what he wants and will punish by accusing, twisting the truth, and cutting off communication. Yikes, it's impossible to resolve conflict because he is incapable of having a respectful conversation or compromising.

A great narrative, excellent breakdown of complex concepts. Thanks

All of the above. These videos are so helpful even though it's really not complicated once you're aware. Doing something about it is key. These videos help motivate me. ❤

Your videos are short and sweet and to the point that is why I like to watch them and you explain very well, thank you Danish

I understand why my ex N husband would have to take a nap everyday he is exhausted about all the effort you put into his narcissistic efforts.