I feel like a big reason why women are attracted to 'bad' guys is because they've been taught throughout their childhood to romanticize 'bad' behaviour. Like, when I was a child, whenever a guy would make fun of me or call me names(that I didn't like being called), I'd be told by elders that he did that cuz he liked me. Like, WHERE IS THE LOGIC?!!
This and also the fact that unfortunately bad boys tend to be (over)confident which is something that attract because confidence IS attractive. A pity that the media only seems to push the narrative of the bad boy confidence(which is loud, abrasive, in your face) rather than other types of confidence like the calm and gentle confidence of a gentleman. There are many ways to be confident, but for men the only confidence being pushed around is that BS alpha male bad boy one.
I have a lot of little boy cousins and teach a lot of them at camp too and this is partially true. The teasing a girl because you like them. Unfortunately. You have to understand that most of the time when a little boy likes a girl, they immediately feel awkward about it as the feeling itself is something new to them, so they resort to teasing her. It's like 'lashing out' almost because they're embarrassed by the feeling and don't know what to do about it or react to it. But we all see the problem with that now. What adults should do INSTEAD is teach their boys how to properly deal with these new feelings that they are feeling, that it's alright to feel like that but it is never okay to tease someone because you're awkward about liking them, and teach girls and boys not to put up with this behaviour. To be vocal about how they want to be treated as a friend AND to offer forgiveness if the other child listens to them and does treat them better because nobody knows better at that age. Kids are kinda stupid and wise at the same time. They need grace to become good human beings. Most times, when I correct my younger cousins and let them know 'what you're feeling is normal and it's nothing to be ashamed about even if you're other chicken head friends try to make you think it is because they are equally embarrassed about their own feelings', when I sit down and talk to them about it, they chill out.
@@secretlyadragon4723 It's really nice that you teach them that's it's okay to feel the way they are and what they should do abt it. If only everyone started being like this instead of shushing the girls(and even boys), the whole problem would be solved.
I have a very simple answer to this, which is in a lot of books/movies/shows, the "bad boy" is: 1) an extremely hot guy portrayed by an extremely hot actor; and 2) his character DOES legitimately change via a very heartwarming character arc. The problem is that this is a phenomenon that rarely plays out in real life.
I fell for this once or twice 🤦🏾♀️ we were definitely hoodwinked; in school all the racist boys who picked on me turned out to actually like me later on. I never dated any of them, they were really horrible kids who did not deserve my kindness. But it's a twisted thing and i feel they were taught that if you pick on this girl no matter what eventually she'll like you. Sad part is if they weren't so cruel i would have liked them, but shitty personality means ugly person to me. Currently married to someone that i initially thought was a “bad apple” but turned out they're just terrified of being vulnerable. We need to stop accepting anything less than kindness and respect, and parents need to stop teaching their sons to be mean little sh*ts just to get attention.
For me the core question is, why would a woman want a man who does not respect her? Cause bad boys are known to be rude, arrogant and disrespectful. Or is a bad boy a compliment to the man's character? Why don't you want to be with a man who treats you respectfully and lovingly? You want a romance, not a challenge. The challenge will naturally come since you both are flawed humans, but looking for challenge where it doesn't necessarily have to be there, the logic of that escapes me. I do wonder if overall men prefer bad girls over nice girls. From some interviews I've watched, many men said they liked kind and gentle women, and they disliked arrogant girls. We should make niceness and gentleness in men an attractive trait instead of treating those as weakness.
I agree and the problem with niceness is men use that to get what they can benefit from you and if you reject them, they show their true colors. Even if you didn't reject them, once they get something out of you, they go stone cold.
The hill I'm dying on is shitty men attract equally shitty women (and vice versa). Some people just want endless drama in their life, but when you call them out on this behaviour, they try to pretend that they're nice, but some outside force (childhood, society, movie tropes) force them to be with "wrong people".
I think there is a distinction that needs to be made between people who are, or would be willing to work to be more self-aware and process the trauma of their upbringing, and people who choose to always stay the same. And there are people who will embark on that journey and people who never will. Reading Emma from Jane Austen for example, in the beginning, Emma is very full of herself and does not think she needs to change, and then by the end, she does realise she has work to do and does the work. So I don't think we can ever really write off most people. What we can do though, is decide who we are willing to support in doing the work and who we need to leave to their own devices. And then, sometimes as you say, people who are both not willing to do the work EVER find each other, get married, and produce some very damaged kids who will then have to deal with their childhood trauma when they grow up. 😮💨
Holy shit if I have a daughter I'm making sure to stay away from some Disney films until she's older as they really can give some horrible messages to women, jesus
See I saw this at Barnes and nobles a whole area where they highlighted books “celebrating” toxic relationships and I was shocked. How can we as a society do this? Why do we think we can “change” a bad boy and why does society celebrate this? I’m not Bob the Builder I’m not going to take you on hoping to change you cause men never change. Why are we pushing women to these toxic relationships as if it’s amazing when it’s not? It just puts women in harms way and puts them through mental anguish; we need to stop celebrating the “bad boy” and make them as the end all be all when we deserve to be in loving relationships with great partners who help us and be happy with.
I mean, there’s a meme which says that “If Christian Grey were living in a trailer park it’d be en episode of Criminal Minds”😅😂 Setting jokes aside, I definitely understand why women like “Bad Boys” since they are more confident as you point out. I don’t like these “role models” and the ideal example of “Healthy Masculinity” is Aragorn from Lord of the Rings: He’s confident He’s vulnerable He’s not afraid to show emotion such as when Boromir dies He’s a bad-ass warrior He’s AWARE of his limitations (especially when it comes to the One Ring) He’s protective He’s not afraid to “step up” and take responsibility and LEAD the fellowship He’s aware of his strengths and understands that he can help in the ways he can and needs to work as part of a team. This is the “Gentleman-Warrior” archetype.
I think there’s a lot of factors that go into this depending on socialization, misconceptions regarding what is masculine strength, over sympathizing with someone’s issues etc
Thankfully, I am one of those girl who is attracted to good boys and gentlemen type of males. Bad boys might feel thrilling but make terrible husbands. As for me, marriage is the ultimate goal of the dating. If he isn't husband material then it's no good dating him. Don't waste your time in dating for fun and adventure. PS- Happy to see another *brown girl* spitting facts 💜 Thankfully in brown families, parents check the guy carefully selected by their daughters for marriage so the possibility of getting married to a narcissistic bad boy (f boy) is less since your parents never allow you to marry them.
If I remember correctly, the premise behind Beauty and The Beast was a French book with the message of no matter how ugly it grotesque a man is, if he is rich then you should be with him.
I am a new subscriber after having just finished every video you posted, so glad for RU-vid recommendations lol. Can't wait for more people to discover your absolute gem of a channel, you deserve a huge platform!
Everytime somebody makes a video like this it just proves to me that choosing a bad boy has more to do with you, the person making the choice, than them. Your own insecurities and emotional trauma and nothing to do with outdated research that links back to prehistoric times a million years ago. The tiktok of the insecure person and narcissist vs the secure, healthy person is the truest 'make it make sense' piece of 'research' (can we call it that?) you had here. It's not them, it's you! 'You' in a general sense, of course. You keep choosing these people because it plays to your trauma. I have NEVER liked Beauty and the Beast, even as a child. And people always were surprised when I didn't because like Belle I was a big bookworm but there was just something so icky about it circumstantially that I just couldn't explain, even then. Taking her away from her family and forcing her to stay in his castle to SAVE him?? As an adult I understand why it's problematic, but honestly, now I'm like, it's just a story. If you like it, go off, sis, change that Beast into a nice guy, but why are my only choices Gaston or the Beast?? Never thought about it this way, but I am fully claiming my superior genes on this never being attracted to bad guys thing or a 'nice' guy either for that matter, which honestly, is just a taker that pretends to be a giver. I'll choose door number three, please, give me a genuinely, good person any day. That should be the goal. Good people for the win.
This is why Bridget Jones's Diary is my favourite romcom of all time. It's about a woman who realises she deserves to be treated well and chooses the nice guy.
Another relevant topic of discussion 👏 Thanks for posting .. have a great trip ❤will share it my girl friends and sisters . P.S. I belong to the learnt the hard way team 😂
I think a lot of the attraction with bad boys is because they are more masculine. Obviously, masculinity is very attractive to the feminine. We equate the nice gentleman with being too feminine, and it dials down the attraction. However, it is possible for a man to be in his empowered masculine. To display masculinity and not be toxic. This is a thing. It's just very rare, sadly.
@@brill34536 that's the main reason , imagine the most un attractive person to you having these traits, its doesnt make that person irresistible just more annoying.
Ha! Women will knowingly go after the bad boy and then complain about how he treats her poorly. They will have the audacity to blame it on the bad boy. They won't blame themselves for knowingly going after the guy who won't hesitate to treat them poor.
Not me i grew up in the hood as a young girl i knew those boys were bot it for me !! I married one fron the same neighborhood he had to change completely 18 years later it was worth it 😂
