Why Avoidants Flaw Find & On and Off Relationships with Mike Di Zio 

Well all insecure attachment styles are maladaptive, that's why they're "insecure". These insecure attachment behaviors aren't necessarily done maliciously. They also aren't simple to resolve. Oftentimes, it's unknown to the individual how much/ to what extent those opposite behaviors need to be done in order to reverse their trajectory & become more secure.

@@Heyu7her3 that's actually a bit inaccurate my friend. Insecure attachment style can be very adaptive because that doesn't refer to the results of the behavior but instead the divergent development that prioritizes external substitutes over the security of healthy connection. A mother may be very adaptive at managing her family by playing the victim and shaming everyone. The result is that she has complete coercive control of the family members which is adaptive. The attachment style is insecure because it uses disempowering methods to get needs met. It may be easy to make the person aware that there are problems with their behavior but they may not be convinced that giving it up is going to make life better. In that case awareness isn't the problem, insecure attachment is. Its of course maladaptive to be that way for the internal system I would agree with you. Its perfectly adaptive behavior externally tho and currently most diagnostic criteria requires the presence of externally maladaptive behavior that causes the person life detriment, not a disagreeable personality that is unhelpful for a family dynamic. Imo that is simple to resolve. Not easy but definitely simple. What do u think?

It can be avoided by saying maybe I'm flaw finding and take a bird's eye view of the situation.

Yeah, and anxious preoccupied people should just learn to stand their ground, instead of being the main character in Misery. We could also try to be empathic with people, who have insecure attachment styles, well knowing that non of them is a picnic to deal with. It is easy to blame other's for something not working, but with that hate you have, what could you have done to make things work. Instead of using Dismissive Avoidant as your proof for having been the perfect partner, try to learn about it, and fix your own insecurities.

Externalized flaw finding is not egotistical essentially, it's more things we've noticed that are red flags that were dismissed until we are triggered internally. The flaws are real threats to our balance that we dismiss until we get into our fears x out of our feelings. I am DA leaning SA.

Kind and concrete. Be specific, with payoff, to retrain them to see meeting your needs as rewarding not a forever complaint they are too defective to handle. Lots of positive reinforcements and small wins. Good luck!

It’s not just you , my DA said because I reactively yelled at him and tried calling him back multiple times to just end things civilly, that he felt threatened and that I was a psychopath that he needed to barricade himself inside his home because I wouldn’t give him his space . The next day I dropped off his key in his mailbox and we haven’t spoken since . It hurts, but made me realize how unwell he is because he felt me yelling for him to stop saying things that were not real and mean. I love him enough as a human to say he needs help. But know enough I’m not able to be it Love and light

You might find Ken Reid's content quite useful on this flaw-finding tendency too (and irrational reasons they can come up with for a break up)

​@@ryankemp3320thank you. I will check it out

Sometimes the partners of public figures don't like the limelight.

@@coppersense999 right