Why Can't Mormons Date Before Age 16?

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The LDS Church has counseled against dating before age 16. But why? And are there exceptions to the rule?
Justin explains that when he was young, he was very strict about not dating before he turned 16. But this made others curious as to why he had such a strange standard. He would explain that the prophets in the Mormon Church had counseled against dating before mature feelings have developed. This counsel is found in the Strength of Youth Pamphlet from the LDS Church.
Kwaku, not being a member of the Church until he turned 18, says he wishes he would have had this dating counsel when he was young. He talks about his high school experience and how he dated people that weren't good for him. He frequently looks back and wonders why he ever put up with the horrible experiences he had.
David mentions how this counsel isn't just old, white guy counsel that is out of touch with reality. He speaks from a millennial point of view, that avoiding serious dating at a young age saves a lot of trouble. David says it pays to wait to date.
What do you think? Is this counsel important or outdated? Let us know what you think in the comments below!
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Опубликовано:

6 июн 2018

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Комментарии : 124

@Cuuhleerity 6 лет назад

I am a convert and just like Kwaku, I wish I had known the church on my early teenage years to prevent me from serious emotional feelings (but hey I don't regret getting baptized at 20 haha) but yeah, I know that this counsel is really helpful to all teenagers especially these days

@AS-mg5vf 6 лет назад

I love the FTSY pamphlet and everything you guys said!! BUT in addition, I think it’s super important to pray about it and receive specific answers for yourself. I’m super grateful a Mormon boy “steady dated” me in high school, because I would not have a knowledge of the gospel or have been baptized without that relationship.

@booksilove1621 6 лет назад

Kwaku never fails to crack me up :D

@martinahu6893 6 лет назад

I'm not a mormon but this kind of rule sounds really make sense!! Get prepared until you are mature enough and ready to have a relationship with someone for protecting yourself and a person you are falling in love with.

@annikawesthof6234 6 лет назад

The way David is concerned is really cute. He could be my dad.

@SaintsUnscripted 6 лет назад

Annika Westhof I kinda wanna make a shirt with David's face that just says "Dad" below his face.... hmmmm... 3 Mormons swag might get real weird.

@annikawesthof6234 6 лет назад

3 Mormons We need merch! 😂

@NovelistVampireGirl 6 лет назад

I went on my first date about a month after my 15th birthday. I wasn't driving yet, nor was my bf so our parents had to shuttle us around. They always knew where we were and what we were doing. We couldn't really get into as much trouble as we could have if either of us had been 16 and had a car. I think this really is about maturity more than numerical age and that won't be the same for everyone. Its extremely unusual for your first love to work out no matter how old you are, that first heartbreak will happen for 99.8% of us. Everytime it goes wrong, every person you meet who turns out not to be *the one* will teach you more about yourself and what that person you will be with for the rest of your life will be like.

@sarahneal7631 6 лет назад

Actually really helped, thanks!

@brendanleonard1375 6 лет назад

Great video.

@SaintsUnscripted 6 лет назад

Brendan Leonard Thanks for watching!

@kayleenewcomer1048 6 лет назад

You guys should address "Talking" and/or modern "Dating". Most relationships I see aren't necessarily people going out on dates, or even really hanging out in a super planned way. It's the label of being together, and texting each other all the time, and kissing. There are some great articles on lds.org/youth that address those kinds of questions but people brush over them and only look at FTSY. I just think those topics are the hardest to draw lines for, especially when it comes to communication/types of communication/etc.

@tylersimpsonn 6 лет назад

Thanks guys for this vid. It reconfirms my decisions ive made with dating

@stardustgirl2904 5 лет назад

This means you love and care about yourself! Dating to young holds you ,back in life for success in you're plans to accomplish your goals!!! Also it prevents a lot of emotional drama! 😊Good luck to you!

@jakobbell9734 6 лет назад

Yo Justin, I enjoyed your pivotal role in the Trek movie. Good stuff man

@JustinWintch 6 лет назад

Jakob Bell hahahaha, thanks man 😂 the biggest role of my life

@artloveranimation 6 лет назад

😂😂 You lost him at “we’re hip” 🤣

@jocelyntrishell 6 лет назад

good video guys! haha

@melanierichards2731 5 лет назад

Although I am not Mormon I do like a Mormon who happens to like me as well.This whole situation is very confusing since we’re are both 15.I do want to respect him and his believes although I do like him a lot.He made it very clear to me and I can’t wait he have stayed close friends and continued to become closer. Thanks for this videos

@jumbo1701 6 лет назад

First! :D Great work!

@SaintsUnscripted 6 лет назад

Hans WINNER! Way to be first :)

@mary4fun02 6 лет назад

I totally agree with the comment about teenagers being in love with the idea of being in love. For the longest time, while I was 16-18, I was just "falling" for guys, because I wanted to be in love, but as soon as it started to become real, I would realize that I didn't really want to be in love with that guy, I just wanted to be in love. I kinda hurt a lot of guys like that. It wasn't until I surprised myself by realizing that I had feelings for my best friend, and that he was a guy that would actually be good for me, take care of me, and make me smile, that I really did just allow myself to fall in love.

@keithkitchell9056 5 лет назад

Deep stuff right here love it!

@samcarruthers6053 5 лет назад

When it comes to the advice to "avoid going on frequent dates with the same person", that doesn't work for me. I live in England, and definitely not in an area where members are frequent and I am in that position to not have a steady girlfriend. If I am dating, the only option I have is to have a steady girlfriend. I want to know how I can still date where I live, but still follow the Prophet's counsel.

@brettmajeske3525 3 года назад

Well causal dates with non members is certainly ok too. Even if nothing comes from it long term, you might be surprised how many conversion stories start out, "Well there was this boy/girl..."

@keithkitchell9056 5 лет назад

Kwaku y'all guys are so down to earth just all around funny insightful humans how could someone not enjoy The church?

@YMyzk6 6 лет назад

I'm 16 now!😆

@jayk7381 3 года назад

I’m now realizing how much of a hypocrite I am, I wouldn’t date before I’m 16, but I did date a girl who was 15 and me being 17, I’m just realizing how stupid this was, nothing bad came of the relationship just because I was doing my best to show her what a mature trusting relationship was like, but her young ness and immaturity we’re definitely hard to deal with

@mikedee111 6 лет назад

Lol, Kwaku's reactions on his face, priceless

@dramatea5217 4 года назад

1:17 cracked me up 😂😂😂😂

@BethMontalvoxx 5 лет назад

Honestly I understand this council but I feel like there should be more council on 17-22 dating. I know sooo many couples in the church who got married simply because they wanted to be intimate. However, when the intimacy is over you still have all of life to deal with. It’s not a problem to get married young as long as you’ve commited to growing with each other. It definitely is a problem when you haven’t even grown into yourself as a person. For my future kids, I’d much rather them go through a small heartbreak when they are 14 or 15 or 16 rather than having to divorce their spouse or break off an engagement because of going too quickly.

@christina.lynn97 6 лет назад

I do agree with all of that (so far in the video, only stopped at the dating more than one person for teens and seeking an eternal companion for adults) but I have a weird unfortunate situation with that in particular. So when I turned 16, I basically expected guys from my stake to ask me out since I'm available and I want to have fun! That didn't happen at all throughout high school. In fact before I moved, I did go out on a date with one guy and I asked him since it was gonna be the last time I would see him for a while. Now that I'm 20 (almost 21), just came home from a trial mission i still haven't been asked out yet. In fact I haven't been asked out before I went on a trial mission and that just makes me feel sad. Because I haven't experienced going out on multiple dates yet, is it still ok to do that as an adult?

@Cuuhleerity 6 лет назад

According to our stake president here, its definitely okay for sisters to ask a brother on a date.

@burninator1983 6 лет назад

You're an adult. You don't need permission from anyone to date in a way you think might be good for you.

@keithkitchell9056 5 лет назад

Yes you can date multiple people just please don't simultaneously ethical reasons and all lol

@zenosvillondo9733 5 лет назад

The for strength of youth is so rad and divine and wise at the same time - so wise it was initially way beyond my understanding that I was apathetic about it. BUUUUUT I can't believe I finally get to say this..."I learned the hard way" of the truthfulness of the for strength of youth

@madisonhoughton4893 6 лет назад

You guys are so crazy and awkward, I love all of it haha!

@itslane1357 6 лет назад

Kwaku is so cute!!!

@brookebennett6006 4 года назад

So I’m weird even by Mormon terms and My fiancé and I got (secretly)engaged when we were 15. We’re 18 and still (a bit more openly) engaged, hoping to get married after graduation next year.

@bryanmgonzalez 4 года назад

brooke bennett That sounds great! It worked out for you! I find the “no dating until 16” rule to be silly when it is given by a church. All Christian churches tend to be really conservative, just like their members, so parents who are members of these churches probably won’t allow dating until 16, anyway. Even those who are non-religious may feel the same way! I think it’s a risk to jump into something, and it makes sense why this rule is advised, but if you know you’re meant to be with someone and you feel like God wants you two to be together, then dating before 16 really doesn’t seem like a problem. I wish you both a great deal of happiness!

@PoogiBear1 Год назад

What are your thoughts looking back at this video from 4 years ago now that the Strength of Youth is no longer hard or concrete on these standards?

@ManChewingGum 6 лет назад

What mic do you guys use?

@keithkitchell9056 5 лет назад

I was thinking the same thing just a few minutes ago wow!

@anthonym2499 2 года назад

i think its a potato

@zenosvillondo9733 5 лет назад

Do more dating stuff

@dylanzywicki 2 года назад

I’m a recent covert to the LDS Church, but I went to a Mass with my friend just to experience it and I was literally thinking: “why are so many of the cute girls Catholic??”

@anthonym2499 2 года назад

.... i cant even remember when I was a decade older than 16 :)

@mikedee111 6 лет назад

What does the church teaches on interracial dating

@withkwaku 6 лет назад

Mike Dee We teach that it’s just marriage. I have tons of friends at Byu in interracial marriages, there’s no rule against it.

@mikedee111 6 лет назад

Kwaku El. Cool, so as a Native American guy here and have interests in white or black female, that'll be ok through the church?

@withkwaku 6 лет назад

Of course! As long as they're single and of age. Elder Gong, one of the 12 Apostles of the Church is in an interracial marriage, as well as some Apostles of the 70, all is well :)

@mary4fun02 6 лет назад

Being in an interracial relationship myself, the church really doesn't mind. They're just happy for me!

@gabbys7163 5 лет назад

@scottbrandon9390 3 года назад

There is a reason why age 16 is prescribed. This comes from the first presidency. Other churches also set ages 16-18 for first dating.

@sarahbisgaard7107 6 лет назад

👏👏👏👏

@parkerchapman3628 6 лет назад

My first date (and only so far) was prom and I honestly wish it wasn't of course I had a blast but prom is expensive so I already know the next date is gonna be cheap but fun.

@brianwaller9454 3 года назад

Regardless of religious affiliation 16 or younger is still way too young to date any ways.

@manuelanavarro8981 5 лет назад

THE LOKI THING I MEAN JAJAJAJ

@kiidacollins6991 Год назад

Is his name really Kwaku

@SaintsUnscripted Год назад

Yes.

@MamacitaBonita 2 года назад

Dating reminds me of buying a new car. Gotta test drive a lot of cars to see what you like and how she rides.

@christines3638 5 лет назад

As a mother, I agree. Can we raise it to 18? 20? ;) No need to rush!

@brookebennett6006 4 года назад

Lol I agree with the for strength of youth as a wonderful guide line but I got engaged at 15 and I’m still with him at 18. Hoping to be married+sealed within a year or two.

@leahanimaticmations539 3 года назад

Anne Liesveld they said that you could be mature enough BUT it is always safe to be careful you know?

@tsukikage 4 года назад

When Kwaku just can't...

@scottbrandon9390 3 года назад

We have to remember much of this rule is about the law of chastity. People have to remember that Jesus Christ is head of the Church. It is not about the rules of man, the leaders, or the family of the youth. So if it comes from the prophet, that's it.

@ingvildkvakestad 6 лет назад

Haha good that I am over 16 just joking I am celibate never Even held hands with Anyone haha. I am single a bit sad but I dont think it is smart to have a girl/boyfriend now. I am looking and praying for it kinda hard to Get guys In A not Lds place while dressing modestly but I have faith that I will find a guy/girl that loves me for who I am. Funny story yes Wait I was kissed behind A dumpster by A guy who kissed all The girls in school I dont count this as A kiss it was not A choice

@alatter-daysaintandhisdog5358 6 лет назад

It's not at all sad .... It's always better to meet the right person not just any person to go along with your peers ... plus dressing modestly means when you do meet the right guy he will respect you... and hey it not a sin to punch guys who try to kiss you behind dumpsters ;)

@ingvildkvakestad 6 лет назад

1 Mormon and his Dog i accsept his dicisions I did not punch but I was The First girl to break up with Him and it made Him cry and yeah I have observed some like impresed and disgusted looks but I want A guy who likes modesty might have to leave Norway to find him But The guy I was The girl that made Him go over to real relationships

@alatter-daysaintandhisdog5358 6 лет назад

Good for you but don't leave Norway we need good Mormon's to continue to spread the gospel there :) - David

@ingvildkvakestad 6 лет назад

1 Mormon and his Dog I am Non Lds I am Christian I want to become Lds my parents wont let me

@alatter-daysaintandhisdog5358 6 лет назад

Well, we have to respect your parents decision. In time you can choose your own way much like Kwaku here. I am a convert, myself and did not grow up in the LDS.

@geoffreydowdle5751 3 года назад

The probability of premarital sex based on how old you were when you started dating drastically decreases at 16. I believe the leaders either had this statistic or ran a study themselves when making this decision. If I remember right, it marginally decreases to 60% by 15 then suddenly drops to 20% at 16 and then continues to have marginal improvements. I'm curious what the success rate with this rule has been in the church. Likely the stat was uninfluenced by a rule. For example the individually that were surveyed I bet weren't trying to specifically avoid dating. They were just prioritizing other things like schooling or whatever that took their time away from the social demands of having more relationships. Whereas in our case it is an explicit avoidance which I'm sure changes the odds.

@snorribjorn5074 6 лет назад

While I’m not necessarily disagreeing with your premise, per se, I do want to raise a (potentially somewhat controversial) counter point: Do you think that there is a possibility that sheltering young people, and not allowing them to explore dating, and thus their emotions in regards to romantic partners might potentially lead to some degree of problems later on, and perhaps even contribute to them getting married before they are ready? Perhaps allowing teenagers to explore dating, under controlled circumstances, is not necessarily a bad thing. (This is assuming that they are emotionally mature enough to do so of course. A decision which, in my opinion, is best left to the teenagers and their parents, as opposed to national level church leaders.) By refusing to allow teenagers to date until they are 16, that only gives them about 2 years of dating until they are of legal age to decide whether or not they want to get married. It seems to me that you may be setting up a situation in which young people are only able to date and explore romantic relationships for a few months before they are legally able to decide whether or not to get married. In this context, I feel that it is worth nothing that LDS members, especially women, tend to get married earlier than the national average in the U.S., with almost ½ of LDS women getting married by the age of 19, and 75% married by the age of 21.

@davidsnell2605 6 лет назад

You raise some fair points, and I'm sure there are circumstances in which those more negative outcomes have occurred, however it's my opinion that the pros of waiting far outweigh the cons. I got married at 25, my wife at 23. The girls getting married at 19 apparently feel prepared (though I'd love to see your source on those statistics, cuz 1/2 seems like A LOT). It may only be 2 years before the legal age of marriage, but people (whether Mormons or not) should wait until they feel prepared before they get married, whether that's at 18 or 50.

@snorribjorn5074 6 лет назад

Oh I agree with that sentiment completely! No one should get married to someone unless everyone involved is absolutely certain that they want to stay together for rest of their lives (and, potentially, beyond). As for my source, I actually got those numbers from BYU’s “Encyclopedia of Mormonism,” in the section on Social Characteristics. (link: eom.byu.edu/index.php/Social_Characteristics ) The attributed author was Stephen J. Bahr. According to Bahr, 45% of LDS women and 23% of LDS are married by age 19, and 74 % of LDS women and 49 % of LDS men are married by age 21.) You are quite right though, Bahr’s number are indeed very high. However, to be fair, these numbers are outdated, having been originally published in 1992. So I did some additional research, (having found the original numbers some time ago) and found a more recent article in the Salt Lake Tribune (from 2012), which stated that “Nationally, Americans marry on average around age 27…Mormons tend to do so about two or three years earlier than that, around 24 or 25…Mormons typically get engaged after about three to six months of dating.” So it seems as though you and your partner are pretty much spot on, in terms of the current average.

@SaneAsylum 5 лет назад

They get married younger and stay married and that is certainly not a problem! I think the world we have created treats fidelity like naivety, as if the concept shouldn't apply to people because we are all so debased and cynical. But LDS people tend to rebuff both prongs of attack by both living better and staying more true to those they live better with. I have heard the same arguments about first age of sex or drink etc... creating more addicts because of supposed repression being let out of the bottle. But the reality is that the sooner you start hoeing a row the deeper the furrow. It is the sudden change that creates addicts not the long straight path that precedes it.

@wxxr9095 2 года назад

what about Smiths 14 year child bride?

@SaintsUnscripted 2 года назад

Hey we've talked about this before! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-gyl-5-01DDA.html

@jsclldn2101 6 лет назад

Hey Justin, are you married already?

@KevlarX2 6 лет назад

I think David and Mimi are the only ones who are married. I think Kwaku and Justin are still waiting for girls to slide into their DM's. LOL! 😂

@JustinWintch 6 лет назад

Not yet 😂😭😭

@jsclldn2101 6 лет назад

Thanks KevlarX2! IMaybe that's something that I need to do now lol JK

@jsclldn2101 6 лет назад

Great! Oops haha JK

@scotthullinger9955 5 лет назад

It ain't doctrine, not dating before age 16.It's called a suggestion.Any chance you understand the difference?Let's take it a step further: What happens if you date at 14 and 15? Does it mean excommunication? Hell no.

@keithkitchell9056 5 лет назад

No one should get married until the age of 25 so you'll be back from your missions am I right???

@brettmajeske3525 3 года назад

I think you are missing the point.

@acnhalyssaa6687 3 года назад

@@keithkitchell9056 that is bs. There are a lot of lds couples who get married and have kids when they are 18. (They get married in the same year they have kids)

@bakachan3601 6 лет назад

You guys can't tell me what to do! Your not my real dads! (I'm joking, I'm 29 and I don't don't date people. ^^)

@artloveranimation 6 лет назад

Last year, when I was 17, I had never dated before. But after a couple dates with one guy, I strongly felt prompted to continue dating... months later, he ended up dumping me, immediately dated his old girlfriend from 2 years ago, and rubbed it in my face when he knew I had just moved to Utah and didn’t know anybody. I still don’t know why God let me get hurt.

@davidsnell2605 6 лет назад

Sorry about your experience. This might help: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-yNQC-_srxH8.html

@rebekahcrane9353 5 лет назад

God gives all his children agency, or the ability to make choices. So God can't stop other people from making choices that hurt you because he would be taking away their right to exercise their agency. He knows you and knows you were hurt but he can't stop other people from making decisions that hurt others. I'm sorry you got hurt

@zenosvillondo9733 5 лет назад

For me at least, there is learning in all things - to learn to trust His commandments in the future by suffering the consequences of our missteps of the past.

@biteme109 5 лет назад

Im 31 my kids arent mormon they cant date till they are 18 lol ok ok 16 my son is 6 and my daughter is 10weeks old so i have time to think im pretty sure its 18 for my kids tho! :) (im Mexican not white yall are crazy 16! No no no too soon!) I remember being 16 and omg was i stupid! Even at 18 i was still stupid lol im 31 and if i start dating agian i think ill still be too stupid lol no one is ready lol you just do it cause you gotta (this is what im telling my kids) just say no! (My kids are gonna really hate me for a little while but its ok!)

@keithkitchell9056 5 лет назад

Lol

@chrisparker255 6 лет назад

but you’re mature enough to decide if you want to get baptized at 8???

@SaneAsylum 5 лет назад

Dating serves the purpose of finding the person you are going to marry, so it is dumb to date before you are prepared to marry. The very same people that think it is weird not to date and encourage being promiscuous before 16, think that early marriage is barbaric. The irony of that shows how disconnected our society has become from the morality based logical choices that used to unite us. Now the cult of hedonism is the only acceptable religion. Of course they also need to get rid of pesky morals that would bind them to the natural products of their choices, so they legalized drugs and abortion and get all of society to normalize and pay for their diseases etc... The games people play!?! God certainly is fearsome when you have to take such great lengths to run and hide from him!!! Repressing your conscience and constantly reciting the mantras of disbelief. To such we say, there is an easier much more fulfilling happy way of living!!!

@shainshum3284 5 лет назад

I love Kwaku's opinions but i'm an exmo and being raised with these standards wrecked me when I got engaged. This teaches that you can't express your sexuality and causes problems when you do get married. I never waited until 16 to date and the only thing I regret is not reporting my boyfriend (a devout member) raping me at 16. You should date when you feel ready. Some people are ready younger and some aren't ready until they're 20s. People shouldn't be shamed for non- group dates either, because those are no different than hanging with friends except you split bills different. It's hard to see your opinions on waiting to date but that it's ok to hang out before 16. I left for a lot of reasons but this one breaks my heart. Because of these standards, I was bullied non-stop for being a slut, because my boyfriend of a week raped me and he apparently was a better member. FTSY is dangerously worded. You can disagree all day, but I didn't pair off, nothing was paid for, and it wasn't planned. Friends of mine and his got a ride home. He lived close so I offered him cookies or something when he dropped me off. How does me dating before 16 change that?

@joelopez5005 5 лет назад

If you guys felt that way at 14, imagine how Jospeh Smith’s poor young confused wives felt

@keithkitchell9056 5 лет назад

LoL that was a long time ago we don't practice polygamy anymore hahaha also polygamy is in the holy Bible too.

@hieishiro6354 3 года назад

This topic has always interested me. Everyone matures differently. Gender also plays a part in maturity relating to age. Women mature quicker than men by at least two years GENERALLY. In ancient times, people would marry at thirteen and sometimes younger. The magic age of consent being 18 is absurd. If you really want to know what age you should be before dating and marriage, as it relates to the idea that age brings maturity, it should be twenty five. A human brain is fully formed at twenty five. In Japan, certain regions have an age of consent of thirteen. Do Mormons believe in science or do emotions fuel this religion?

@brettmajeske3525 3 года назад

The two are not mutually exclusive. We believe in both.

@hieishiro6354 3 года назад

it is one or the other. One will give way to the other.

@brettmajeske3525 3 года назад

@@hieishiro6354 I feel like making an only the sith believe in such absolutes, but I am not sure you would get the reference.

@hieishiro6354 3 года назад

@@brettmajeske3525 the Jedi are hypocrtical. The prequels proved that. The expanded universes showed an evolved Jedi order led by Luke Skywalker.

@freemandiaz5123 6 лет назад

Does sharing fro-yo count? But all those tight clothes, capped sleeve shirts and bobbed hair! Free the babies! Practice practice practice.

@biteme109 5 лет назад

Ive seen like 10plus of these in most dude on the far left is mentioned hes married lol braggy much??? Like my comment if youve seen another video where he mentions it!